The Forum - Question of the Week #32

Happy Holiday to you all.  For those of you who celebrate it, I hope you had a very Merry Christmas.  The Disciplined Hubby Family a good one and are enjoying some downtime before 2014 kicks off and the inevitable challenges and triumphs of a new year begin.


Speaking of New Years, our topic this week is simple:  What are your resolutions for the New Year with respect to your DD and spanking relationships?  Here are a few I am considering presenting to Disciplinary Wife to consider:

• Generally, more DOING sex and domestic discipline, and less blogging about it, reading about, etc.  
• Move about further along the spectrum from DD to FLR.   In other words, move from a relationship in which she spanks me for offenses to a more fully developed Female Led Relationship  
•  Without fully revealing our FLR relationship (neither of us is ready for that yet), make it a little more obvious to friends and family that she is the one who wears the pants in the family. 
• Explore more non-spanking forms of discipline, such as grounding 

So, what is in store for you in 2014?  What are your DD and FLR goals and hopes.  Tell us all about it!

On a different note, I am sad to note that Bonnie over at My Bottom Smarts is hanging it up after eight years.  She was an inspiration to a lot of us in the blogging community.   In my case, her blog suggested a format for dipping my toes into blogging.  Bonnie's blog suggested a collaborative format in which the readers are central, with the community providing most of the content.   So, while I am very sorry to see her go, her inspiration lives on, directly at the Hermione's Heart blog, and indirectly through other blogs she inspired, such as this Forum.

Holiday Wishes

HERE IS HOPING

EACH OF YOU

GETS EXACTLY WHAT YOU DESERVE

FOR CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR

WHETHER YOU'VE BEEN 

NAUGHTY

OR NICE !!!!

SEASONS GREETINGS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS

FROM MR. AND MRS. DISCIPLINED HUBBY

TO YOU AND YOURS

The Forum: Question of the Week #31

Hi all. Welcome back.  I hope you had a great week and are going to be able to take some time off for the holidays.  This week's Forum topic comes from one of our readers, who asked:

 "Sometimes it is the stuff that revolves around the actual spanking itself that is more memorable - corner time, scolding, stripping of pants or underpants, etc."

Do you have rituals or processes that you tend to follow before or after a spanking?   Tell us all about it!  My own observations on the topic are in the first comment.  

As always, if you are new to the Forum or having something new you want to tell us about, please take a moment to fill out the Guestbook, which is posted below this post.  Also, please consider submitting something for our new User Stories section, which you can reach at one of the links to the right of this post.

DH

The Forum - Question of the Week #30

Welcome to the Forum. I hope you all had a good week.

Before we get to this week's question, a reminder about our new "User Stories" feature.   If you have the time and inclination, please share a fun or interesting story about your domestic discipline activities, or share a bit of DD-oriented fiction.   To share a story, either add a comment to the most recent post, or send me an email with your submission.

Now, on to this week's topic, in which I am inviting people to wax a little philosophical.   Last week, we talked a little about encouraging more participation from women in DD relationships, and about some of the reasons that women either do not participate as much in on-line DD and spanking discussions, or perhaps do not participate as much in F/m oriented DD activities as many men out there might like.  While we were having these discussions, I was also reading a book about Tantra.  The book (which I won't identify because, on balance, it was a pretty bad read) posited that practitioners of Tantra believe that within each of us there are elements of the opposite gender, and that one goal of Tantric practice is to bring out, to develop, the inner woman within each man and the inner man within each woman.

So, my question is:  to what extent is that part of what is happening with F/m domestic discipline and Female Led Relationships?  In your own relationship, does submitting to a spanking involve some reshaping of your male gender role and allowing some more feminine element come to the fore?  Conversely, if you are a female disciplinarian, does giving a spanking or taking control of the relationship involving some channeling of your inner man?  To what extent is switching up the gender roles a bit an explicit goal in your DD relationship?

As always, please take a moment to enter something in the Guestbook.

DH

The Forum - Question of the Week #29

Hi all. Welcome back to the Forum.  I love the holiday season, hence the drawing.

This week's question stems from the following reader comment:

 "Future Forum topics? I would like to hear much more of the woman’s perspective on domestic discipline. Men seem to dominate these groups and what they say is valuable but we are missing much of the whole other side. I would like to hear more about how women deal with the family side of it (if your mother is your best friend do you tell her or not ... I did finally) How do other women deal with repeat behavior problems and frankly how hard do you punish him. I spank very hard because it gets results and sometimes I wonder if I should. Or what other women do about that and so many other things that come up with domestic discipline."

I couldn't agree more, and I would truly like to figure out a way to foster more participation by Disciplinary Wives.  So far, however, I have not had a lot of luck with that, and I am not sure why.  I suspect that some of it comes down to one simple factor: women may not spend as much time online looking at spanking and other "naughty" websites.   But, I also can't help but wonder if there just are not that many women out there who are into the F/m variant of the DD lifestyle.  M/f-oriented DD blogs are out there in abundance, and F/m spanking blogs, such as the wonderful blogs by Hermione and Bonnie, do not lack for posting by women who are into spanking, but into receiving, not giving.  On the other hand, the poll I posted several months ago is interesting on this score, because while the ratio of disciplined men to disciplinary women is "skewed" to say the least--like 20:1 skewed--someone is obviously doling out the punishment to those 600+ men who say they are disciplined.

So, here is the question.  Actually, a question and an invitation.

The Question:  Is there anything I can do with this blog, including re-purposing or renaming it if necessary, to encourage more participation from women who are either in F/m domestic discipline relationships or are interested in them? 

The Invitation:  Speak up ladies!  Touching on some of the questions from the comment above, tell us about your interests in DD.  How did you get started?  Have you told others that you spank your significant other?  If you have children, do they know about your relationship? How hard do you spank?  Do you use any non-spanking discipline methods?

I hope you all have a great week.

DH

Disciplinary Wives Club status?

Does anyone know whether the Disciplinary Wives Club is finally gone for good?  It was replaced a couple of weeks ago with a notice saying its registration had expired.  As many of you know, I credit that website for getting my wife and I started in DD, and I know many others have had the same experience.  I hope it has not been taken down permanently, but the last time this happened it was down for only a day or two.  It has now been gone at least two weeks.

The Forum - Question of the Week #28

Hi all.  I'm sorry that I missed a couple of weeks without dropping a note in advance.  I took a couple of weeks off to get away. From work.  From the internet.  Breaks are a good thing now and then, even from blogging about the DD lifestyle.

For those readers in the United States, I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving.

On to this week's question, which comes from  a reader suggestion:  Have you ever had someone witness a spanking you gave or received?  Or, have you ever witnessed someone else get a spanking?  If not, do you have desire to witness or be witnessed?  If so, did it turn out to be a good idea?  Were there any negative consequences?

Thanks for your thoughts on the matter.  As always, please take a moment to sign the Guestbook and tell us a little about yourself.  Or, give us a new entry if you have something new to say or a new experience to share.

The Forum - Question of the Week No. 27

Hello all,

I hope you all had a good week.  Sorry for the delay in posting this week's question.  One of those days.  More like one of those weeks. On to this week's question, which was a suggestion from one of our Forum members:

Have you ever been spanked in a semi-public situation so that others might have seen or heard the spanking, such as a public restroom, motel room, in the car, beside the car, in the woods, etc.?

Speaking for myself, we have not been particularly inventive in this area.  The riskiest venue, DW has spanked me in was a hotel room, during a vacation.

I hope you all have a good week.  As always, please take a moment to fill in the Guestbook, below.

DH

The Forum - Question of the Week 26

Hello all.  Welcome to this week's Forum.  Last week we talked a little bit about how, and why, otherwise dominant men become the disciplined party in a DD relationship.  A few of the comments seemed to to say, expressly or implicitly, that once their significant other got into the swing of things--so to speak--it may have become a bit more than they bargained for.   I do not mean just the spanking itself. Rather, the entire commitment to submit to someone else.

The question I am getting at is, once you commit to submitting to being disciplined, does it ever seem too hard?  "It" may be the spankings themselves or, more broadly, the effort and vulnerability inherent in submitting to another's authority.  I have always seen this--the extent to which you do not really want to give in to another's will or take a spanking even when you do not think you deserve one--as one way to assess whether what you are doing is really about "discipline" versus something that is more sexual in terms of its driving force or motivation.

What are your thoughts?  Does it ever just become too much?  Do you ever regret the decision to subject yourself to a full DD lifestyle?

As always, please take a few moments to sign the Guestbook (below). 

The Forum - Question of the Week 25

Hi all,

I hope you had a productive week and didn't do anything too "naughty" that would earn you a good beating this weekend.  Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for myself.  Definitely a fairly naughty week. On to this week's question:

A common theme in F/m domestic relationships is that the man often is NOT a natural submissive, particularly out there in the day to day work world.  In fact, it seems that many participants in this lifestyle are very "Type A" personalities who often turn to DD to balance things out.  So, my question is this: If you are naturally domineering, how do you go about fostering a more submissive approach with your significant other?  If you are used to domineering others, how do you develop an inner sense of vulnerability that allows you to accept discipline and use it to effect actual change?

Thanks for participating and, as always, please sign the Guestbook if you have not done so already or just have something new to say!

DH

The Forum - Questions of the Week #24

Happy Saturday to you all.  For some reason, it seemed like a really long week, even though it began with an official holiday that does not actually seem to result in anyone taking a day off.

Note the title: We are going to do a bonus question this week.   Yes, two questions.  One of them a conventional spanking question.  One a bit silly.

Question 1:  Our first question extends a bit from last week's, or at least from the responses to last week's question.  The response rate to our first Ladies Night was not the complete flop I feared it might be.  We did get a few of the ladies posting comments, and I appreciate every one of them. What struck me was that many of spanking relationships depicted in those posts seemed to be of a pronounced FemDom variety.  Although we are experimenting with that a little more these days, it is still at the soft end of the spectrum.  I want her to take more control, be in charge more often and, frankly, be more bossy and domineering.  I do not, however, have a lot of interest in the whole leather and chains scene, humiliation, etc.  In fact, other than the occasional discipline session, our relationship is pretty "normal."

All this got me thinking about the range of spanking and DD relationships out there.  On the very soft end, I learned a new term recently: "funishment."  I really like that.  "Punishment," but of the fun, sort of playacting variety.  On other end, you have FemDom and hardcore domination with all the trappings.   We are somewhere in the middle.  We decided early on that we would not be doing "funishment" (though we had no such word for it back then), because we didn't want to create a situation in which bad conduct was rewarded.  Where are you on the spectrum?  More importantly, where would you like to be?

Question #2:  What is in a name?  In my case, not much.  Not much at all.  Until now, I have been the anonymous Disciplined Hubby.  I'm not altogether uncomfortable with anonymity.  But, it also seems a little impersonal.  I envy Bonnie and Hermione and others who have adopted at least a nom de plume.  But, I'm not all that inventive myself, and I see this forum as about you, not me.  So, what should my name be?  If you got to pick the name of person you told about your spanking experiences, what would it be?  I'm not promising I will pick among the suggestions, but I will give them all my full consideration.

Have a great weekend! And, as always, please take a moment to say something in the Guestbook.

The Forum - Ladies Night

Hello all.  I hope you had a good week.

First, I want to experiment with highlighting particularly interesting topic responses.  Last week's question was about contracts.  I thought this anonymous post was particularly insightful and interesting:

"A contract works for some couples some of the time especially in the beginning of DD. But I think of them now as “training wheels” useful at the start of DD to define roles and give necessary structure. But if a contact is carried on too far or too long it keeps the relationship from growing and adapting. We did use an oral contract in the beginning but within a few months found it to be artificial and not in the real spirit of DD. It’s a kind of crutch you use to get started but should grow out of. For us the only contract now is that my wife is in total authority and decides when where and how discipline is administered for any reason she finds necessary using any instrument she thinks appropriate. She is adamant in stressing no limits on her authority to spank and nothing gets me in trouble faster that when she thinks I am challenging her authority. None of that would work if we tried to live by a formal contract."

I also wanted to try something a little different for this week's Forum.   Let's hear something, anything from the Ladies.  Tell us something about your DD relationship, whether you are the Head of Household or the Disciplined Wife.  If you're not in a DD relationship, tell us why you're interested in the lifestyle (assuming you are).  What does DD do for you?  How did you get into it? What more would you like to explore?  Gentlemen, please beg and plead with the Disciplinarian in your life to take a few minutes to tell us what she likes about putting you over her knee!

I put this topic out there, knowing that it could be a total flop, given that the statistics in the ongoing poll on this blog indicate that the rate of male to female visitors is probably at least 10:1.  But, let's give it a shot.

The Forum: Question of the Week #22

Hi all.  Sorry for the slow start.  The weekend got off to a busy start.  Real life sometimes trumps the best intentions.  

This week's question comes from one of the Forum's members:

"Are written contracts a good idea? We tried it twice but it didn’t work for us but know another couple who use contracts successfully and read about many others. Contracts made us self-conscious and my wife (who went to law school) thinks they are inappropriate for discipline so we use a anytime any place for any reason system which works well for us."

To kick things off, we have never used a formal contract, but in the beginning we did set down a list of rules I was to be subject to, and we included a presumptive minimum number of paddle or strap strokes for each offense.  It did have the benefit of building some structure and regularity into what was for us a very new lifestyle choice.  I also think it had the benefit of relieving my wife of any qualms she had about delivering a hard and long spanking, because we had agreed in advance to the consequences for each offense.  If my behavior created a situation in which I faced an extraordinarily large number of strokes with a scary implement like our large fraternity paddle, whose fault was that?

Thanks for your participation, and please take a few minutes to enter something in the Guestbook.

DH

The Forum: Question of the Week

Good morning.  I hope you all had a good week and are enjoying the start of the weekend.  

Here is this week's question:  If you could wave a magic wand and change one thing about your DD relationship, what would it be?  Is there something you would like your partner to do more?  Less?  Differently? Is there something you would like to do differently your self?

For us, this TTWD is always a work in progress.  The "one thing" I would change is the thing we are always working on in one way or another:  taking away my control and increasing hers.   That is really it.  I would like her to take more consistent control over me and exercise her authority more rigorously and consistently.  

As always, if you haven't done it before or have something new to say, please sign the Guestbook, below.

DH

Artist Attribution

Hello everyone.  Just a short entry to give credit where credit is due.  I was contacted by the artist who did the drawing that appears with my profile.  Until that contact, I did not know the author's identity.  His name is KDPierre.  I really enjoy his work, including the one used on this blog.

The Forum: Question of the Week #20

Hello all.  Welcome back.  Let's get right to the topic for this week:

Without naming names, if you could introduce one couple you know to DD, who would it be and why?

For me, I had a good friend and co-worker at my last job who had all the earmarks of a tightly wired executive: controlling, always afraid of failing, carrying too much stress, engaging in inappropriate outlets for that stress, etc.  He clearly needed someone to establish some boundaries and relieve him of some of his decision-making responsibilities.   At the same time, his wife was clearly frustrated by his behavior but was conditioned to see herself as just following along in his wake, unhappy with their marital and family dynamic, which was dominated by his work, but not seeing a way to change it.  They always seemed to me to be a couple for whom DD might be a game changing experience, precisely because it would move them in a direction opposite of their natural temperaments, with him learning to be less controlling and her finding her inner Dom.

Please give us your thoughts and, as always, don't forget to fill out the Guestbook if you have not done so.

Facilitating and Participating

This blog has been around for about six months now, which seems a bit unreal.  Where does the time go?  It is very much a work in progress, and I appreciate all thoughts and suggestions on how to improve it.  One of our Forum contributors, Gary, sent me an email suggesting that I might consider participating a bit more myself, instead of just tossing out questions for others to address.

It is a fair point.  My reticence about participating more myself was, in fact, a conscious choice.  I have seen too many promising blogs and moderated spanking groups degenerate into some kind of on-line advice manual in which a self-appointed expert tells everyone else how spanking or DD "should" or "must" be done.  That is the exact opposite of what I am aiming for here.  I really want to learn from others and get their perspectives.  Also, I have had other blogs and I eventually got tired of hearing myself talk, or I got concerned that I was revealing too much about myself and my activities and thereby risking some of the anonymity that blogging provides.

But, I also recognize that getting the ball rolling with some of my own thoughts or observations might encourage others to participate.  Also, there are times that I do feel the need to do a bit of my own sharing.  So, with thanks to Gary, I will try to starting throwing a few more of my own thoughts and experiences into the mix.

I will try to begin with this week's Forum topic, which revolves around trying to answer the question of why disciplinary spankings are, in fact, arousing.  I say I will "try," because one reason I raised this particular question is that I really am curious about this and do not have a clue why some of us find domestic discipline, particularly receiving the discipline, arousing.  As I have said in previous posts, I was not one of those people who had an interest in spanking going back to my teenage or early adult years.  I do not recall having any interest at all in spanking until I was in my '30s.  I was spanked from time to time as child, but I don't recall having any feelings about it at the time, other than a  desire to avoid it.

The first time I recall having any sexual feelings connected to spanking was when I saw an HBO "Real Sex" episode that focused on spanking and included a wife spanking her husband with a riding crop.   I went from no interest to BIG interest in an instant.  My wife thought it was weird, but she was game to try it.  We played a bit with it, but despite the reaction I had upon seeing it on television, the purely erotic form of spanking did not do much for me.  It was several months later that I found the Disciplinary Wives Club.  My reaction to it was even stronger, and much more complex, than my reaction to the "Real Sex" episode.  I was massively aroused by the fictional and "real people" accounts of disciplinary spankings, but the submission aspect of it also, frankly, terrified me.

Today, the level of pre-spanking arousal is still there.  Perhaps not quite as strong but still there.  Yet, I still really do not know why.   I do know that as time has gone by, I am more and more interested in exploring my submissive side.  Or, to be more precise, I am interested in developing a submissive side, since I am not a natural submissive and have a lot of anxiety around living under another person's direction and control.  But, as to the basic question of why I get aroused when I know that I am to go through a very painful disciplinary spanking, I really do not have any idea.

The Forum - Question of the Week #19

Wow!  Great response to last week's question.  Either this blog is getting a little momentum and expanded readership, or something about that topic struck a note, or both.  In any event, I was surprised and delighted to see the number of responses.

This week's question extends from one of last week's comments.  Anonymous wrote:

"When I was 15 my older brother,who was 16, got caught by my dad smoking grass. It happened on a saturday night in our garage. My dad didn't do anything but told my brother that he would be punished severely until he had some sense knocked into him. He made my brother wait until the following friday after dinner.

As my younger brother and i had dessert my older brother and dad went downstairs in the basement to my dads workroom. Through the vents we could hear the swats of my dad's thick black belt landing on what we all knew was his bare bottom. Only when my brother was sobbing and begging to be forgiven and swearing he would never touch grass again did my dad stop.

A few minutes later Dad came up had his dessert and as Mom cleared the dishes my younger brother and I were brought down to the workroom where my brother bare assed was still bent over a work bench. His ass was raw. Dad told us to look and learn and we were then sent to our rooms. I don't know why but i was so aroused by it all."

 My question is, what IS the reason behind the arousal we get from spanking as a punishment, whether receiving it, giving it, or watching it?  Other than the nudity (and that is not a necessary component), there is nothing patently sexual about it.  Sex is one of the most pleasurable things we do as human beings.  Punishment is supposed to serve the exact opposite purpose.  So, why the arousal?"

The Forum - Question of the Week

Welcome back everyone!  This week's question comes from one our anonymous commenters:

"I am always interested in when people became aware of their passion for spanking. For me I was quite young when I noticed that seeing someone being spanked or even being threatened to be spanked in movies or on TV excited me."

How about you?  How did you first become aware that you were interested in spanking and/or Domestic Discipline?  Did you discover it early or late in life?  Was there any particular event, or something you read or viewed, that started your journey down this path?

As always, if you haven't done so or if you have something to share, please take a moment to enter something in the Guestbook, below.

The Forum - Question of the Week

Welcome back.  "Back to School" season is upon us.  All across the nation, daughters and sons are leaving for college. Sometimes there is a younger sibling or siblings left behind, but sometimes the departure yields an "empty nest."  And, Mom and Dad and into domestic discipline, perhaps for the first time in years there is real privacy.  Real flexibility regarding time and place for DD activities.

So, this is a question for the older domestic discipline practitioners among us.  What impact did the children leaving your home have on your DD relationship?  Did spankings become more frequent?  Did a previously timid spouse suddenly step fully into the role of HoH or disciplinarian?  Tell us all about the changes.

And, as always, please take a moment to leave some comments in the Guestbook.  I have changed its format a bit, including adding a question soliciting topics for future Forums.  I look forward to hearing from y'all.

The Forum - Question of the Week

Welcome.  As one reader noted, Aunt Kay at the Disciplinary Wives Club has posted a note on the website contemplating its future.  Many of us first heard about domestic discipline through DWC.  So, this week's question is: What role, if any, has the DWC played in inspiring your DD relationship?  Are there other resources that have had an important role in inspiring or helping you establish a DD lifestyle?

One comment from me on this one.  DWC was the entire impetus for my wife's and my exploration of DD in our marriage.  I did try to reach out to Aunt Kay on this question of the DWC's future, but did not get a reply. 

Forum - Question of the Week

Hi all.  I hope you had a good week.  Sorry I am getting this out a little late.  This week's question is an offshoot of one I asked a couple of weeks ago.   It is about balance and growth.

In your relationship, or in looking closely at your DD desires, to what extent is your chosen role (the disciplined party or the disciplining party)  related to bringing some balance to your core personality.  Or, conversely, is it about doing what comes most natural to you?  We seem to come to DD for lots of reasons, and we look for different things. If you are dominant or controlling in your work life, do you crave submission at home? Or, vice versa, are you timid and shy in other aspects of your life, so you crave being the dominant party in in your personal relationships?  And, if the role you assume in your DD life is in line with how you are in the "real world," then does that arrangement help or hinder your personal growth?

For me, the DD lifestyle is very much about balancing out my domineering tendencies.  The last thing I would want is something that magnifies and exacerbates those tendencies.  But, others may feel very differently.  So, let's hear it.

The Forum - Question of the Week

Welcome back everyone.  We got some great responses to last week's question.  Thank you all for contributing.  

This week's question is about how we move from fantasizing about a domestic discipline lifestyle, or just dipping our toes into the water, to making it a core part of our marriage.  It seems like few people take to the lifestyle instantaneously, especially if you have spent many years in "vanilla" relationship.  There are often long-established emotional and behavioral patterns that need to be overcome.  And, even if both parties are open to it, one of them may not be quite as into it, at least not to the point that they focus on it as a core part of the relationship.

So, the question for this week is, what do you do to encourage each other to make the commitment ot DD and make it a regular part of your relationship?  Contracts?  Self-reporting?  Setting aside a day of the week for discipline and/or submission?  How do you take DD from the exotic to the norm?

I look forward to hearing from you all.  And, if you haven't done so yet, please sign the Guestbook, below.

The Forum: Question of the Week

Hello everyone.  Thank you for the great responses to the last few questions here at the Forum.

This week's question is about the roles we play in "real life"--particularly at particularly at work--versus in our domestic discipline relationships or fantasies.  To what extent are your respective roles, or the inner drives you follow, consistent?  Are you naturally dominant in the workplace but yearn to be dominated by your partner?  Conversely, are you shy and submissive at work and in your day-to-day life but love to exercise control over your partner in the bedroom?  Or, are your roles wholly consistent from situation to situation, whether submissive both at work in and in your personal relationships or an unmitigated Alpha in all aspects of your life?

Inquiring minds want to know.

And, as always, please take a moment to fill out the Guestbook!

The Forum: Question of the Week

Welcome back everyone.  Another week . . . another week.  Last week's question was about interest in Domestic Discipline and how it might be affected by societal norms and perceptions.  This week's question is related but comes at it from a slightly different angle:  Does the fact that Domestic Discipline is seen as kinky, weird, something that should be hidden and kept secret, add to your desire to do it? 

For myself, I know that when we first started, there was a delicious sense of daring naughtiness to the whole thing.   And, I have to admit that it has lost some of its emotional edginess over time.  What about you?  Does the enticement of the "forbidden fruit" play a role in your desire for DD?

The Forum - Question of the Week

Welcome back.  There was not a lot of response to last week's question.  I'm hoping this one will interest people a little more, though it is a bit philosophical.

Last year, there was a sensation around the Fifty Shades of Grey series.  While the level of interest in a fairly kinky (if terribly written) trilogy seemed to demonstrate a surprising level of interest in S&M themes, it was almost entirely of the M/f variety.  Does the success of the Fifty Shades series portend well for acceptance of F/m spanking, domestic discipline of the F/m variety, and the potential for expanded interest in the concept of Female Led Relationships?  Or, are there big impediments to wider adoption of F/m lifestyles?  If so, what are those impediments:

(1) The level of interest may be high, but societal norms prevent any kind of open acceptance?
(2) Few males are interested in such a lifestyle?
(3) Few females are interested in such a lifestyle?
(4) Other reasons?

I hope to hear from a lot of you on this one.  And, as always, please visit the Guest Book.

The Forum - Question of the Week

Hi All.  I hope all the U.S.-based readers had a good Independence Day holiday.

Before getting to this week's question, I would encourage you to read last week's contributions if you have not done so already.  While the volume of responses may have been relatively light, a couple of them were, in my opinion,  very hot!  I loved one of the postings about a workplace spanking.  That one definitely merits its own topic at some point in the future.

Now, for this week's question: Have you ever had to hide the markings left from a spanking or had someone see the results? Maybe you had to hide while showering in they gym?  Make up a lie when visiting your doctor?  Tell us all about one of those embarrassing moments or something you had to do to avoid detection!

The Forum - Question of the Week

Hi all.  Here is this week's question:  Have you ever introduced someone you were not involved with to DD or Female Led Relationships, or every considered doing so?  Who and why?   Even if you have not done it, are there people in your life who you think should be introduced to the lifestyle? Maybe a friend who has a misbehaving spouse, or a friend who needs some discipline in his life. 

The Forum - Question of the Week

This week's question is about inspiration.  Who or what first inspired you to explore, or wish for, a domestic discipline relationship?  Was it a particular experience in your life?  Someone you know or were in a relationship with asked you to try it?  Was there a particular website or blog that caught your attention?


As always, if you have not done so already, please take a few moments to sign the Guest Book.

The Forum: Question of the the Week

I hope not to make apologizing a recurrent part of this blog, but I need to once again apologize for missing a week.  Unfortunately, once again, life got busy.


This week's question:  Do you and your partner ever use things other than spankings, either as punishments or as means of exercising control or authority, as part of your DD relationship?  Chores, corner time, writing lines, being "grounded"?  Tell us about your non-spanking DD techniques. 

And, as always, please take a few minutes to fill in the Guest Book.

The Forum: Question of the Week

Hi all.  Sorry for missing a week there.  Life got a little busy.  This week's question is about submission or, my preferred term, surrender.  In my experience, many males who are into the submissive role in a D/d relationships are high-achieving, Type A, personalities in their day-to-day lives.  We seem to seek out the comfort of yielding up some of that control and drive to our partners. Am I right about this?  Is that the experience of others who are into D/d?  Is yielding control, surrendering yourself to someone else, part of the attraction?  How about for the dominant D/d partner?  Are you dominant in your day-to-day life? 

As always, I'm hoping for participation from the F/m DD crowd, but all responses are welcome.  Please also take a moment to put something in the Guestbook. 

The Forum: Weekly Question

So, we improved 100% over last time, going from no responses to one.  Let's hope it is an accelerating trend.

The topic for this week is rules.  Are there rules in your relationship, the breaking of which result in a disciplinary spanking?  Tell us about your rulebook!

As always, I'm hoping for participation from the F/m DD crowd, but all responses are welcome.  Please also take a moment to sign the guestbook. 

The Forum: Question of the Week

Well, that last question on whether anyone outside your relationship is aware of your DD lifestyle went over like a ton of bricks.  Not a single response.  Come on guys this is supposed to be an interactive blog.  Let's take another crack at it, shall we:

The topic for this week is tears.  If you are spankee, have you been brought to tears by a disciplinary spanking?  If not, do you want to be?  If you're the disciplinarian, how do you feel about giving a spanking that is so hard to bear that it brings real tears?

As always, I'm hoping for participation from the F/m DD crowd, but all responses are welcome.  Please also take a moment to sign the guestbook. 

Polls, Results and a New Question

Well, the results of my one poll on this site are in, and about what I expected.  Guys who would like to be disciplined apparently outnumber those who actually are disciplined by a 2:1 ratio.  I'm actually surprised it wasn't a bit more lopsided.  Of course, it is hard to draw many conclusions from a set of 27 responses out of more than 5,000 web views.  I plan to put together a slightly different version of the poll and leave it up indefinitely, to try to get a bigger tally over a longer period of time, after more people interested in DD have had an opportunity to find the blog.

I put up a Guestbook a couple of weeks ago (see post immediately below), and it is off to a good start with three very interesting responses.  I hope people will keep using it, since my goal for this blog is for it to be little about me and providing a place for people who are in a DD relationship, or would like to be, to share thoughts and experiences.

With that in mind, here are a few questions for anyone out there who is in a DD or spanking relationship:

Does anyone outside of your relationship (other than present and former spanking partners) know about your spanking and DD activities?  If so, how did they find out, and what was their reaction? If not, would you ever considering letting anyone else in on the secret?

Poll: How Many of Us Are There?

How many of us are there out there in the world?  By "us," I mainly mean men who are disciplined by their partners.  But, casting a wider net, how many men and women are either in, or interested in being in, a F/m domestic discipline relationship?

The phenomenon that is 50 Shades of Grey certainly proves that there are A LOT of people out there with an interest in kinky sex with BDSM themes.   But, while people may be comfortable with women getting spanked, is the same true when the man is the receiver? Has the world changed that much?

I've spent a fair amount of time reading spanking blogs and reading material in Yahoo groups devoted to F/m spanking.  It seems that there are quite a few men who are interested in F/m discipline, but how many of them are actually doing it?  And, how many women are interested in disciplining their men?   It often seems to me that the answer to that last one is, "not many."  But, I have a really hard time understanding why.  If it is "a man's world," and women feel they are in a society where men have most of the power, why is there not a lot of interest in turning the tables? 

My goal for this blog is to stimulate a dialog, so please comment.  But, if you don't have time or are nervous about leaving a comment, please take a few seconds to fill out the poll to the right of this entry.  It takes only a few seconds.   While I've already had several hundred page hits in the week this blog has been active, only 10 people have taken the poll.  If you like what you see on this blog, please take just a second to fill out the poll.  

Beginnings

My thanks to Hermione for helping me kick off the interactive part of this blog, which I continue to hope will be its defining characteristic.  Her question was who initiated our domestic discipline relationship, me or my wife, and was it hard to convince the other partner to try it. 

The short answer is I initiated, and it was surprisingly easy to get my wife to try it.  I will elaborate a bit.

 It was my idea. If you read blogs or discussion groups involving men in female led DD relationships, it seems that few of them are naturally submissive. To the contrary, many are hard charging, domineering personalities in their day-to-day lives. That was me, and I was an unhappy person. Everything felt out of balance. I was always in charge. Always the person making the decisions. And, our marriage was similarly out of balance. My wife was raised in a very traditional, male dominated family and brought that habitual mindset into our marriage. It wasn't that we had consciously created a male dominated marriage, but that was just sort of where our personalities naturally took us.

It actually was surprisingly easy to get her to try it. We had dabbled in erotic spanking, so that bridge already had been crossed. That "dabbling" came relatively late in our relationship.  We had been together for about 10 years.  And, again, it was me who initiated it.  From what I gather from the various blogs and online spanking groups, my story is a bit atypical because, while it was me who brought spanking into our repertoire, I did not have any kind of early fascination with spanking.  I had never even considered engaging in it, whether giving or receiving.  That changed when I watched an HBO "Real Sex" episode that had a segment on erotic spanking.  It was a massive turn-on.  Some time after that, I bought a small leather paddle and asked my wife if she would try using it on me.  She did, but it was never very hard and always of an erotic nature.

We incorporated some femdom scenarios into our play,  characterizing the spankings as “punishment” for various things I had done wrong.  That began to create problems.  Some of my behaviors really were pissing my wife off, but because the spankings were relatively mild and always part of our sex play, she began to see them as more reward than punishment.  She was definitely not interested in doing anything to reinforce my bad behavior, so she stopped the spankings entirely.

My interest in spanking continued.  It was something far less than a compulsion, but I was still interested enough to do a bit of searching for spanking-related material on the internet.  It was through that searching that I came across the Disciplinary Wives Club website.   Unlike our previous erotic spankings, the spankings advocated by "Aunt Kay" were intended to be real punishment to correct real misbehavior. It was then that an interest became something more akin to an obsession.  Many of the fictional scenes and "Real Couples" letters involved wives announcing that the spanking would not end until after misbehaving husband was in tears.  That was what really got me.   Not the spanking per se, but the idea of submitting to someone else's control so fully that I might have to accept something as mortifying as being brought to tears. For an admitted "control freak" like me, the thought of that kind of loss of control was truly terrifying.  It was also morbidly fascinating.

There is a story in the Fiction Stories section of the DWC website entitled "Even More" that describes a husband discovering the DWC site and using it to introduce his wife to the concept of using spanking for real discipline.  My process was similar.  A few days after discovering the DWC website, and having been fixated on it throughout those days, I brought it to my wife's attention, initiating the discussion almost like it was a joke or entertainment.  I got her to take a look at it, and that look took a surprisingly long time.   She stayed in our home office for the better part of an hour reading through the website.  I was sitting at the kitchen table pretending to read a book, though in reality I hadn't absorbed a word. I was on such pins and needles waiting for her reaction.  I looked up nervously as she came out of the office and into the kitchen.  Her look was one of quiet intensity, as she asked me, "You obviously had me look at that website for a reason.  So . . . is this something you are saying you want to try?"  I hesitated, then stammered something like:  "It scares me more than I can describe but, yes, I think I would like to try it."

The rest is history.  While she was game to give it a try, my wife was concerned that this could, like our old erotic spankings, reinforce bad behavior if it was something I enjoyed.    Therefore, our foundational rule was that the spanking had to be "real" each time.   It had to be severe enough to constitute real punishment. And, that is what we have been doing for 10 years.

So, now please help me meet my goal to develop this into an interactive blog.  For those of you who are in a spanking relationship, who initiated it?  Was it difficult to convince the other partner?  How did you do it?  I would love to hear from those in DD relationships, particularly of the F/m variety.  But, all contributions are welcome.

Ask Me Anything

Let's get this party started!  I said in my first post that I wanted this post to be about a club.  A community.  That means sharing a bit about ourselves, our interests.   So, ask me anything, and I'll try to tell you.  No limits.

Well, very few limits.  Here is one big caveat:  I won't give out identifying life  details, like real name, occupation, or location.

Other than than, I will try really hard to be open about myself and what makes me tick.