Saturday, September 24, 2016

The Forum -- Vol. 175 -- In Your Dreams

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”- Anais Nin

 Hello all.  Welcome back to The Forum -- Disciplined Husbands & Disciplinary Wives.  Our weekly gathering of men and women participating, or interested in participating, in Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.

A week or so ago, someone brought up the possibility that some of the comments posted on this blog are fictional.  Could be.  I have no idea whether any particular comment is wholly true, mostly true or not at all true.  I also don't really care that much, as long as they are on topic.  Some of the best stories on the old Disciplinary Wives Club website were fiction, but they illustrated what a DD relationship could be and, in doing, served an inspirational purpose. Fictional or not, they provided ideas and guideposts. 

Domestic Discipline and FLR relationships seldom start wholly formed.  Instead, one party proposes it to the other. They talk, they plan, they experiment.  Hopefully, things move forward, perhaps not always smoothly, but forward nonetheless.  But, it's probably inevitable that real life, with all its distractions and compromises, doesn't always match up to the parties' ideal desires, goals and dreams.

Assuming that is the case for most of us who are trying to construct real DD and FLR relationships, what is the gap between your fantasy and your reality?  What would that "ideal" DD relationship and your role in it look like?  More discipline and consequences?  A more strict spouse?  What role would you and your spouse play if you could make your DD or FLR all you want it to be? And, what would you be willing to do differently or act differently to make it happen.

This topic comes from Anna, who has become one of our only active Disciplinary Wife commenters the last few weeks.  Marisa, Holly, Merry and others . . . I hope you all are still with us and merely caught up in the busyness of life.

I hope you all have a great week.  If you are new to our Forum, please take a moment to visit our Guestbook (tab above) and tell us a little about your DD or FLR relationship. 

Saturday, September 17, 2016

The Forum -- Vol. 174 -- Why DD?

"Know what? Bitches get stuff done.  -- Tina Fey"

Hi all.  Welcome back to the Forum.  Our interactive gathering of men and women who are participating or interested in being in a Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationship.

I hope you all had a great week.  By the end of mine, I was reminded tha periods of frenetic activity are almost always, for me at least, followed by days of abject laziness, sometimes capped by royally blowing off steam.  I experienced bits of all those this week after coming down off of a major work project that had been truly all-consuming for the better part of a month.   As most of those projects go in my world, there is a definite end-point.  So, you go from running at a balls-out pace to a dead stop.  I find that it is the period right after that "dead stop" in which I tend to get in trouble.  When I have 50 things on my to-do list, I get them all done.  When it's back down to five things, I accomplish precisely none of them.  I also have a tendency to look at the clock around 4:00 pm and say, "Well, since I don't have much going on anyway, let's rally the troops and get happy hour going early."  And one happy hour cocktail soon become four.  Which is all my way of saying that I probably have a good, long punishment spanking coming this weekend, and I probably richly deserve it.

Before getting to this week's topic, a note on -- "bitchiness."  I had another of those experiences last week that verified for me just how insidious this view among women is that if they take control they will be perceived as bitches, which may or may not be true, but what is true is how much they care!  Over the course of this work project, I watched one of our younger female team members do something that represented playing way, way above her level. Just stunningly impressive from someone who was supposed to be too junior to pull something like that off.  When things wrapped up, we had a team "bonding" event that became the usual booze fest.  During the course of said festivities, she asked me for pointers on how to get even better.  I told her that she had exhibited technical skills way above what anyone thought she should have at this stage, so now she just needed to work on developing a level of confidence that matches the ability.  She then asked what I freaking knew she was going to ask: "But, how do I do that without sounding bitchy?"  I then gave her a five minute lecture on how that concern about being perceived as bitchy was likely going to be the #1 thing getting in the way of becoming all she could otherwise be, and that regardless of the price paid for being perceived as bitchy, it will not be nearly as high as the price paid for  self-censoring and not living up to her full potential all because of some faux egalitarianism or hesitancy to offend.  It is just so frustrating seeing young women with so much potential dumb themselves down purely because of someone else's perception or, more accurately, the mere possibility of such a perception.  And, if people see a strong woman as a bitch . . . so what??  When I tell a male subordinate that he screwed up, do you think he doesn't leave the office muttering to himself, "Asshole."  It's the same thing, but for some reason women just care about it way more.  Like I said, insidious. 

I also had a pleasant surprise this week.  During this lull in the work activity, I caught up on some reading, including a book entitled "The Good Wife's  Guide to Taking Charge: A Female Led Relationship Primer" by Rebecca Lawson (available on Amazon).  Unlike a lot of the junk out there that I've read on this topic, this one really focused on the reality of these relationships and implementing them in the real world.  I was going through the "Some Resources" section in the back, and this quote brought me up short:

"I also recommend The Disciplined Husbands Forum ( It is one of the most realistic ones I have found, and it has some really good discussion. Please note that I do not know the blogger, nor does he know me. So, I do not speak for him (and vice versa). But, it is a good example of a realistic blog on the subject done in a tasteful and educational way." 

I've always wanted to be a published author myself but have lacked the commitment to make it happen, so I guess I will settle on getting mentioned in an actual book! 

So, on to this week's topic.  I got a little testy with a commenter last week who started going down the, "If everyone is REALLY doing DD then why the desire to get spanked . . ." thing. I admit, I really just get tired of people questioning other people's sincerity or motivations. Just because you don't "get it" doesn't mean others don't.  It probably just means this lifestyle isn't for you and you should move on to another blog that better suits your interests.  But, there was a more legitimate  point that focusing on the mechanics of the spanking sometimes means we aren't having the bigger "why" discussions.  (Of course, I've also noticed I tend to get more comments on the blander, "What's your favorite spanking instrument" kind of topics -- just goes to show you can't please everyone.)  So, for this week, I'll throw out one of those more open ended questions:  Why domestic discipline or FLR?  Why did you want (or agree) to take your relationship in this direction?  What need does it fulfill for you, assuming it does?  While a lot of FLR stories involve the woman imposing the relationship on the screw-up husband, the dominant reality is the men often do the initiating.  So, why do we want it?  What gap does it fill for you?  And, for the women who did initiate it or went along with a request, does it fulfill your needs too?

Have a great week.  If you are new to this Forum, please take a few minutes to go to our Guestbook (tab above) and tell us a little about yourself.


Saturday, September 10, 2016

The Forum - Vol. 173 - Surprises

 “Nothing quite encourages as does one's first unpunished crime.” - Marquis de Sade

 Hello all.  Welcome back to The Forum: Disciplined Husbands & Disciplinary Wives.  I hope you all had a great week.  I am finally past a particularly hellish period at work.  I'm still in a bit of recovery mode after existing on coffee and adrenaline for two weeks straight, but it's amazing how much better the world looks through eyes that were actually closed in sleep for 8 hours.  Of course participation has been down on the blog lately, so I'm not sure I missed that much.  It is definitely that time of year, with kids going back to school and others trying to squeeze the last bit of fun out of summer.  In any event, I hope to be a little more engaged with the blog than was the case over the last few weeks.  I admit, however, that I am still kind of stuck for scintillating topic ideas that haven't already been covered.  I guess that is the nature of the beast with a narrowly focused, topics-oriented blog.

A few weeks ago we discussed written contracts and agreements.  I usually try to run polls before opening up a topic related to them, but I got a little disorganized that time and the topic preceded the poll.  In any event, we got 94 responses on the topic of Do You Have a Written Contract or Agreement Defining Your DD Relationship

             24 (25%)
             70 (74%)

So, if positive expressions of consent are a necessity for these relationships as some vigorously maintain, those expressions don't seem to be documented in writing for most of our community.

This week's topic is a little nebulous, and maybe an extension of last week's.  (Which I realize may not bode well for increasing participation, given the minimal response last week.  C'est la vie.  It's the best I can come up with this week.)  Have you ever received a spanking as an unpleasant surprise?  Like maybe you were anticipating sex and got a spanking instead? Or maybe one came totally out of the blue after you thought you had gotten away with something?

Saturday, September 3, 2016

The Forum - Vol. 172 - Modern Communication

Hi all. Welcome back to the The Forum -- Disciplined Husbands and Disciplinary Wives.  Our weekly gathering of men and women participating or interested in Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led Relationships.

Based on the activity level, it seems that everyone out there is just as busy as I am at the moment.  It's that time of year, isn't it? School starting.  Football season kicking off.  And, unfortunately, I am still tied up (and not in a good way) with something for work through the end of next week.  But, I did not want to let another week go by without some discussion.  So, her is an easy one:

Have you ever received a text or phone call saying you will be spanked when you get home or that you need to come home from work or whatever you are doing to get a spanking? For me, one of the most memorable happened fairly early on in our DD relationship.  We had been doing it for only a few weeks, and we had purchased a very nasty implement called a prison strap.  I was at work one morning, when my wife called.  She had the day off for some reason, and we chatted for a bit and she asked if I had a busy afternoon ahead.  I really didn't (for once) and said so.  It was a well laid trap on her part, because as soon as I said I wasn't that busy, she said, "Good.  Then at lunch you are to drive home, go directly up to the bedroom, get out my new strap and get ready for a very bad spanking."  I have no memory of what I had done to earn it, but I very much remember the anxiety I felt all morning, almost literally watching the hands on my office clock tick closer and closer to noon.  We lived only about 15 minutes from my work, but that drive felt like hours.  I got home, and she was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper.  I started to walk into the kitchen, and without looking up she said, "I told you to go upstairs immediately, and that's what I meant. Go."  I did, and she came up a few minutes later and delivered what was, up until that time, probably the hardest spanking I had ever taken.  When it was done, she very calmly said, "Get dressed and go back to work."  I spent the rest of the day sitting on a very, very sore and well strapped bottom.

Any similar stories to share?

As always, if you are new to the Forum, please stop by the Guestbook and tell us a little about yourself and your DD lifestyle or aspirations.