But, that situation is changing soon, and I’ve told my wife that sometime shortly thereafter we need to have a real discussion about how to get back on track. And, although I know I’m probably not being realistic and may be setting myself up for disappointment, I feel like whatever reset we initiate, it needs to be substantial. That word – reset – has been on my mind a lot in thinking about this. 2019 was a tough year, and I face a lot of the same job-related hurdles to sustained good behavior in 2020 that made last year so hard, and if I don’t get a handle on some of these issues I’m likely to continue to suffer consequences – aches and pains, nagging injuries and health issues, chronic exhaustion and lack of energy – that are in the long run more severe than any spanking is going to be.
We could just ignore the preceding dozen years and pretend to be starting now with her initiating. I’m not sure that would really work for us for a couple of reasons. First, I think at the root of many disciplined husband’s desires for this lifestyle is an out-sized need for authenticity. We want real discipline for real offenses; the whole relationship has to be reality-based or it feels like something is missing. Second, my wife and I have never really been into playacting or doing fantasy “scenes.” I’m not really sure whether we could pull it off without getting very self-conscious, embarrassed, etc.
Now, I think the unfortunate reality is I’d still have to take a substantial role in making this actually take place. In most of these relationships, it seems the disciplined party is almost always the one who takes the lead and puts more intellectual energy into moving it forward and fleshing it out. So, unfortunately for men like Brett (and me), I think there is almost always going to be some gap between the fantasy of a purely wife-initiated process and the reality of “if you don’t ask, you likely won’t get.” But, if she agrees to something like that, I think it could still move things a little closer to the ideal in which she really claims our relationship dynamic as her own.
- When it is working at its best, what does DD/FLR do for you? How does it make you feel?
- Do you like being in charge? What do you like about it? Are there aspects of it that you don’t like?
- If you knew that I would be on board with whatever you directed, what would you want your level of authority and control to look like? How strict would you like to be? How dominant would you like to be? How would you like to act? What level of submissiveness would you want from me if, again, you knew that I would not only comply but would agree with your vision?
- Are there particular punishments or forms of discipline or control that you want to impose or would like to try? (Examples: More openly dominant in public? Spanking at different time of day or in different location? Chores? Grounding and taking away privileges? Mouth soaping? Corner time? Personal service or sexual service?)
- Is there a particular role/archetype that appeals to you the most when you think of how you would like to approach running things or being the disciplinarian? (Examples: Strict Wife? Strict Mother? Teacher? Principal? Other?) What does your chosen role entail? What implications does your chosen role have for how each of us should act?
- What holds you back from taking on the role you want? Are there specific things that I could do/not do to help you get there?
- Was there someone you associate with disciplinary authority -- mother, father, relatives, teachers, principal – or some disciplinary act you experienced, witnessed or heard about that still resonates today or that you think would be helpful to bring to the current relationship?
- Do you want to be more dominant sexually? What would that entail, specifically? What would you love to do if you were totally in charge sexually?
What about you? Have there been times that you’ve been in a lull or unsatisfied with the current state of your DD relationship and then done something different to try to reset it? How did that work out? What do you think about my plan to create a greater sense of her imposing the relationship by creating an environment in which she can own and “initiate” things going forward? Any thoughts on other questions we should ask each other during this process? I hope you have a great week.