Saturday, April 28, 2018

Vol. 248 - On Unmade Beds and Other "Small" Things


“You learn a lot more from the lows because it makes you pay attention to what you're doing.” – John Elway

Hello all.  I hope you had a great week.  I had a couple of work-related triumphs, and I wrapped up one significant project.  So, for once I go into the weekend with a sense of accomplishment and without a whole hell of a lot to do.  Which is nice.

That sense of accomplishment, and the consequences for not accomplishing things, are related to today’s topic. This is a repeat, but it’s been a couple of years since the last post about it.

When we first began our DD relationship, our focus was on reducing “big ticket” bad behavior.  Like drinking too much or too often.  Disrespect.  Temper tantrums.  Although our general rule was, from the beginning, that she could spank any time for any reason, in reality the focus was almost always on those bigger behavioral issues.  As she gets more assertive, that is changing.  The example that always sticks with me for some reason is a problem I had with not completing one of my daily chores, i.e. cleaning up the kitchen after dinner.  One afternoon, she texted me a picture of some pans I had left on a stove, having failed to clean up completely after dinner the night before.  She voiced her displeasure.  A few days later, she texted me a picture of rice left in a rice-cooker that I had forgotten to clean several nights before.  This time, the picture was accompanied by a terse statement that I would be spanked.  And, she carried through on the threat that night, giving me a very thorough butt blistering.


 It seemed like a small incident in some ways, but it really impacted me in a much deeper way. It was the first time that she had really taken me to task not for something related to some larger failure in personal discipline, but for something that simply displeased her or failed to live up to her standards. While minor in the scheme of things, it seemed like a fundamental turning point in our relationship, and a huge advance in her growth as a Female Leader.

Another example.  I stayed up late watching a movie one night and did some late night snacking.  I got up the next morning and left to run some errands.  While I was out, I got a very angry text:

"You left the refrigerator door open last night!  Everything in it is spoiled!"

I replied with a heartfelt, "I'm sorry."

"Not nearly as sorry as you’re going to be!" was her response. And, once again, she carried out her threat, leaving me sore for several days.  Now, this one was not really a failure to do a chore or some task, but it was a very stern warning to pay attention or there would be consequences. 


Last week, it happened again.  For whatever reason, I was in a very absent-minded space and had been screwing up little things left and right.  At one point over the weekend, she told me to take out a bag of trash.  I responded with the usual “yes Ma’am,” then totally forgot about it and left the house to run errands.  While I was out she texted me a picture of the trash bag and a curt message: “When you get home, you are getting spanked.  I can’t believe I told you to take the trash out and you totally ignored me. Maybe this reminder will help you pay attention.”


I have always been a “big picture” kind of guy.  I’m not very detail oriented.  In fact, little nitpicky details tend to annoy me.  But, what I dismiss as being “down in the weeds,” others might describe as simply a lack of discipline on my part.  Navy Seal William H. McCraven, commander of the forces that led the raid to kill Osama bin Laden, gave a commencement speech in which he talked about how making beds to perfection is a big deal in the military.  It really has nothing to do with the bed itself, but about how you approach your day.  He advised, “If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed. If you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task, and another, and another. And by the end of the day that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed.”  He went on to observe, “If you can’t do the little things right, then you will never do the big things right.”

He makes a great point. And, while I don’t like them at the time, it’s clear that these “small things” spankings have a real impact on me.  No pun intended.  First, it is a really concrete expression of her growing control and assertiveness, which is powerful and sexy as all hell.  Second, the “big ticket” behavior issues are stubborn and hard to deal with.  Smaller things, like cleaning up and doing assigned chores, are things I can actually fix and do better at.  Third, I do think that paying attention to the small stuff probably does result in generally better performance in other areas.

So, how about you?  Are you spanked for simple screw-ups, like forgetting to do a household chore, or because of some lack of attention or diligence? If not, do think that is something she should do?

Saturday, April 21, 2018

Vol. 247 - Asking For It

If you don't ask, the answer is always no. -- Nora Roberts

Hello all.  Happy Saturday.  I hope you all had a great week.  Mine was, as is too often the case, tiring. I also seem to have gotten myself into a situation at work that could make things even busier.  One of those "be careful what you wish for, because you might get it" things.  It is against that backdrop that I thought about a topic suggestion from a few weeks ago:

"How do men request DD when they feel it's time? Just ask, send an email, or something non-verbal like leaving a paddle on the bed and waiting for what happens next?"

The suggested topic presumes, of course, that we do in fact expressly ask for discipline when we feel it has been earned or is needed.  Do you, in fact, ask for it?  Or, do you leave it up to her to order it?  If you do as, what form does your request usually take?

For me, I don't so much ask for a spanking expressly, as report on bad behavior and then let nature take its course.  Though, as part of our reporting process I certainly do suggest from time to time that one has been earned and that I think she needs to deliver it.  I can't think of a time, however, that I have verbally asked for one or brought her a paddle or strap and asked her to use it then and there.  We've recently talked about me doing that in order to correct one long-standing work related problem that keeps costing me an inordinate amount of time and that I really do want to fix.  But, so far I haven't actually done it.  The one exception to not verbally asking for one was probably when I first brought up the concept of Domestic Discipline.  I wasn't asking for it per se, but I certainly thought it could be the result, though not that night.

Tell us about your own experiences with "asking for it." 

I hope you have a great week.

Saturday, April 14, 2018

Vol. 246 - What Is It We Disciplined Husbands Want


Can freedom become a burden, too heavy for man to bear, something he tries to escape from? Is there not also, perhaps, besides an innate desire for freedom, an instinctive wish for submission? – Erich Fromm

Hi all.  Welcome back to our little gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline (DD) or Female Led Relationships (FLR). 

I want to start by thanking all of you who spoke up about Aunt Kay and the impact she and Tomy and their Disciplinary Wives Club efforts had on you.  “Impact” being a particularly apt word for those of us on the receiving end of the paddle or strap.  Tomy also reminded all of us that his wife led by example and that her approach to life fostered not only discipline but also tolerance and acceptance of others. 

I hope that you all had a good week, or at least a peaceful one.  Mine was not.  It was kind of a whirlwind.  Or, more like a rollercoaster.  I had a small but satisfying work triumph early in the week, then the following day it was one bad thing after another all day long.  And, almost all of the bad stuff was connected in one way or another to two very dysfunctional relationships.  One of them is with someone who thinks he can make me submit but can’t. I know I can’t make him submit, which really leaves beating him as the only option.  Metaphorically of course, though he is one of those guys who really could profit from a really good ass kicking.  The other is with someone who I probably should submit to but won’t.  That is the tricky thing about DD and FLR for those of us who are not “submissive” by nature – there is a sense in which it’s real only if it’s unpleasant and difficult.  Though, in this case while my self-interest really would suggest submitting, I kind of went in the opposite way and fucked and toyed with this person.  Probably what I have referred to with the corporate acronym “CLM,” or Career Limiting Move.  But, you can’t really tell in advance whether things that seem limiting or even catastrophic at the time are really all that, or will they turn out to be exactly what you need in order to move onto a new, and better, phase.  So, we’ll see where things go.

A few weeks ago JGirl over at https://ashrewtamed.blogspot.com and I tried to coordinate a topic between her blog and mine, hopefully teasing out whether male and female participants in the “bottom” role in these DD relationships have different drives or motivations for this lifestyle.  Our first joint topic focused on who wants it more, the discipline receiver or the discipline giver, i.e. whether we disciplined husbands and wives feel the need for this more than our disciplinarians, Heads of Household, Tops . . . whatever terminology you prefer. This week, I want to focus not on how much we each want this, but what the “this” is that we want.  We’ve talked about this before and taken polls on it, but it’s been awhile and I’d like to explore it more, particularly in conjunction with the disciplined wives that JGirl’s blog serves. So, I kicked this off a few weeks ago with a poll that asked the disciplined husbands to identify why they want DD.  We got 137 responses.  Here are the results:

Giving up control to another person                                 52%

Accountability or penance                                                37%

Changing bad behavior or breaking habits                       35%

Boundaries and rules make me feel secure                       27%

Stress relief                                                                        44%

My wife being in charge is attractive                                67%

Improving performance in some area of my life               27%

I like pain                                                                           14%

It's mainly a spanking fetish                                               32%

Other                                                                                    3%

As usual with these polls, there are some outcomes I would have predicted and others I would not.  I assumed that having an “in charge” wife is a turn-on for many of us, but I underestimated how many.  Hopefully, any of the wives who are concerned that if they become more dominant their husbands will reject that confidence and power as “bitchiness” will read this and see that, no, that attitude is very, very much what he wants from you.  So, bring it. 

I assumed giving up control was a big part of the motivation for many, particularly the Alphas among us.  I’m a little surprised that “boundaries and rules make me feel secure” didn’t score higher.  I’m not sure that “secure” is the right word for how enforced boundaries make me feel, but it definitely is a major part of the attraction DD had for me and continues to have.  I was a little surprised that “stress relief” was a factor for almost half of the respondents.  That isn’t a big part of my motivation, and I can’t say that stress relief is really something I get out of DD, other than I do think that giving up control reduces my sense of responsibility, which is probably good if not taken to an extreme.

What are your personal rankings regarding what motivates or drives you to pull down your pants, bend over, and let yourself be subjected to a painful disciplinary spanking?

I hope you all have a good week.

Saturday, April 7, 2018

A Tribute

Those things that hurt, instruct. 



Earlier this week, I looked at the blogs featured in the My Blog List on the right of this page, and saw the heading on the Tomy's Wife blog, http://tomyswife.blogspot.com,  "RIP Aunt Kay."  I hoped for a moment that it was some kind of metaphor, perhaps alluding to winding down participation in this lifestyle.  Something other than the literal truth of the title.  Unfortunately, no. Aunt Kay, the founder of the Disciplinary Wives Club had passed away.  http://auntkaysdwc.com. And, I feel like my world has been diminished by the passing of this woman who I never actually met.

Every once in a great while, you encounter a person or an idea that changes your outlook in some fundamental way.  That is what the Disciplinary Wives Club was for me.  As I've recounted more than once, unlike many who read this blog, I was not a "spanko" from early on.  My wife and I had experimented sporadically with erotic spanking, but it didn't do that much for either of us, and she was concerned that it might actually encourage bad behavior if it we did role-playing punishment scenarios that were not real punishment and rewarded the underlying bad behavior.   So, we stopped. Never in our wildest imagination did we conceive that the solution was not to banish spanking from the relationship but, instead, to make it real.  That concept was something I came across for the first time when I found the Disciplinary Wives Club website. 

Aunt Kay called it “Domestic Discipline.”  Many of the stories on the website involved wives imposing the disciplinary spankings on their reluctant husbands.  Alternatively, the husband might suggest the couple try “real” spankings, but in the end he got much more than he bargained for.  Some of the wives announced at the onset that the spanking would not end until after the misbehaving  husband was in tears.  

That first evening I spent with the stories on the DWC had an effect on me that was about as subtle as the spankings described on her website.  I literally did not sleep well for two or three days. It was all I could think about.  There was something so thoroughly terrifying, though undeniably compelling, about the prospect of being put over my wife’s knee for a bare-bottom spanking so long and hard that it would leave me in tears.  After living in that paradoxical state of terror and arousal for three days, I got up the courage to tell my wife about it.  The rest, as they say, is history. More than a decade later, I spend each Saturday writing this blog, because I still find this lifestyle to be something worth exploring and, yes, proselytizing. 

As much as this lifestyle change impacted me, I think it has worked greater changes on my wife.  We talked a few weeks ago about how the disciplined parties in these relationships always seem to be more into it, more focused on it, more obsessed by the need for it.  That is true in our case as well, but it doesn't mean my wife has not been changed by this thing we do. Over the years, she has gained confidence and a greater sense of herself as a powerful person who deserves respect and who has the ability to express what she wants.  Some of that is just normal human growth, but much of it is the direct result of several years of watching me comply each and every time she commands me to go upstairs and get ready for the spanking that my actions have earned.  She is a stronger, happier, more confident person because of this kinky trajectory we set off on several years ago.  She and I both owe that to Aunt Kay. 

I  spent this morning reading a story on the DWC website called "Even More." I've read it a few dozen times over the years, and it is the closest thing I've found in terms of summarizing how I felt when first deciding I wanted to try this lifestyle.  If you have a moment, give it a read.  Feel free to tell us your own story about how the DWC, or something else, inspired you and effected you in some real way.   And, please give your condolences to Aunt Kay's husband and family.  He has mine, and also my sincere appreciation for his wife's influence and for the two of them sharing this piece of their life with so many of us. 

Aunt Kay, thank you.