Saturday, April 29, 2023

The Club - Meeting 437 - Delayed Punishment Foregone vs. Letting No Bad Deed Go Unpunished

The greatest remedy for anger is delay. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca


Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationship.


I hope you all had a great week.  Or, rather, weeks.  It seems like several since I’ve been very engaged with this group.  Probably because it has, in fact, been weeks.  First, there was vacation. Then there was Covid.  Then there was the past week, when I was off dealing with an unanticipated family thing. 


It's also been that way on the home front where DD is concerned. Only more so. First, there was the hiatus while Anne’s wrist was in a cast or she was still rehabilitating that injury. Though, honestly, I behaved pretty well during that whole period.   



However, things started to degenerate about the time she was mostly recovered.  Mostly small stuff.  But, some things stuck in my craw, with some real annoyance at myself. We went out with another couple one evening, and a bit too much of a good time was had by me and the other husband.  Nothing too extreme, but enough that I regretted it the next day, especially since it broke a multi-week chain of good behavior.  



Second, I had one of those acts of carelessness that wasn’t a big deal in and of itself but could have become a big deal under other circumstances.  I’ve reported here before that one “small thing” Anne has spanked me for is forgetting to clean our rice maker after dinner. I did it again recently, but this time I didn’t just fail to clean it.  I left it plugged in and on overnight. Nothing happened, but it seems like the kind of thing that could result in a fire under the right circumstances.  I was angry at myself about it and, honestly, I probably would have self-reported it and maybe even suggested a spanking if we hadn’t left on vacation shortly after that.


Third, while on vacation there were a couple of incidents—including one instance of significant disobedience—that should have gotten me spanked, and would have except for the fact that as soon as we got back home we both ended up with Covid.


So, on the one hand, I feel like there has been an accumulation of bad behavior, none of which was addressed.  On the other hand, quite a bit of time has passed since each of those bad acts.


We’ve talked about delayed punishment here several times.  The conversation usually has revolved around how punishment needs to happen relatively soon after the offense if it is to be an effective deterrent.


However, domestic discipline is not just about deterring bad behavior.  We’ve talked about how it helps “clear the air” or results in a “clean slate,” preventing any lingering resentment or bad feelings.  Yet, that also tends to happen naturally with the passage of time. Indeed, if there is too long a gap between the offense and the punishment, the whole thing can feel kind of pointless.



We’ve had a few commenters here who have said their wives will seldom, if ever, let any substantial offense go unpunished. Even if it takes several days or weeks, they will make sure it does not go unaddressed.


What I’m really interested in, however, is the point of view from the other end of the paddle.  Are there times that you, the disciplined husbands, ever feel like an offense or series of offenses really should be addressed even if a substantial period of time has passed?


I’m asking because, honestly, that’s the way I’ve been feeling.  Regarding the act of carelessness I referred to above, it’s something Anne has spanked me for before and likely would have this time had she discovered it and done so before we left on vacation.  And, I really am mad at myself for it, because while nothing bad really happened as a result of my screw-up, it could have.  As for the other bad acts, while my feeling that they really do require some accountability has dissipated, it hasn’t gone away completely.


Usually, if I avoid a spanking after some bit of bad behavior, I may feel some mild regret, but it’s usually offset by an understandable sense of relief. So, why is this time different?  


First, I think it’s because the conduct involved some things I myself care about.  It’s not just about breaking some rule but about feeling like I screwed up and there really should be a consequence for that even if time has passed.


Second, before Anne hurt her hand, she really was ramping up her strictness. Discipline also just seemed much more “top of mind” for her.  She was spanking me for something almost weekly, and she was starting to do things like reminding me about journaling regularly and owning up to bad behavior.  While my ass didn’t enjoy the increased attention, it felt like we were on a good trajectory where her exercising more control was concerned. It was emotionally challenging for me, but that’s always been part of the point of doing this – pushing my limits where humbling and giving up control are concerned.


Third, and relatedly, I sometimes go through phases in which I feel myself drifting more and more outside prudent boundaries and start to feel a deep need to be reined in hard and consistently.  After what has turned into a substantial hiatus from discipline, I find myself in one of those moods now.  The need I feel for discipline isn’t closely tied to any of the misconduct described above but, rather, a more general feeling that I need Anne to take stricter, more firm control for a while.  Fortunately for my mental state, but unfortunately for my ass, I get the sense that Anne is kind of looking for an excuse to impose such control again, as she has proactively brought up discipline a couple of times lately, including asking whether I had anything that needed to go into my journal.

How about you? Does time usually dissipate whatever need you felt for penance, or are there times that you regret “getting away with it”? Does that regret rise to the level that you will actually request that she deal with it?  How does your wife feel about the passage of time after an offense? If enough time has passed, does she tend to forget about the behavior and/or just let it slide? Or, is she one of the seemingly rare wives who seldom, if ever, lets a substantial offense go unpunished?


I hope you have a great week. Sorry again for the inconsistent posting.

Sunday, April 23, 2023

Ask Each Other Anything

 Hello all.  I hope you had a good week.

Well, the good news is, I've more or less recovered from Covid.  This variant hammered me hard initially but then tapered off pretty quickly.

The bad new is that around time I was feeling close to normal, I got blindsided by a family issue that is going to keep me distracted, and probably off-line, for much of next week.

But, feel free to discuss anything DD-related among yourselves, whether it's questions you may have or recent personal experiences you'd like to relate.  I'll jump in if/when I'm available.  Sorry for the lack of consistency with posting, but sometimes "real life" happens.

Have a good week.

Sunday, April 16, 2023

Delayed Posting

 Hello all. I hope you all had a great week.  There were several great comments and a wide-ranging discussion -- one that I didn't have much role in moving along.

Anne and I are back from vacation.  I had intended to post something new over the weekend.  But, I am now two-for-two on catching Covid while traveling internationally.  

Last time, it was relatively mild though still no joke.  This time, I feel like I have an awful case of the flu, complete with terrible body aches and fatigue.  It clearly has shaved off several of my limited IQ points, and I just can't get it together enough to post this weekend.  If it gets better over the course of the week, I will try to post something.

FYI, while I've done four rounds of the vaccines, I had not done the most recent one tuned to the most recent variants.  Although virulence has gone down as the virus has evolved, this one really is no joke.  So, if you're not up to date on your inoculations, please think about doing it soon.

Saturday, April 8, 2023

The Club - Meeting 436 - A Commenter's Advice on Giving a "Real" Disciplinary Spanking

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationship.


I hope you all had a good week and, for those who celebrate Easter or are beneficiaries of its inclusion among work holidays, are enjoying a long weekend.


We are off on a little vacation starting this weekend, so I won’t be posting a new topic.   



However, since multiple people brought it up, I am re-posting this three-part set of anonymous comments that were in response to the “Fantasy vs. Reality” post in April of 2016 that formed the basis for last week’s post.  Although I can quibble with it in a couple of areas, I think it does do a very good job of summarizing what a “real” disciplinary spanking is like for many of us. 


I’ve also included a comment on that set of comments, which was also made anonymously but supposedly came from a disciplinary wife. 


Enjoy your week!  I may weigh in from time-to-time on any comments, and I’ll try to clear out the currently very fucked up Blogger spam filter daily.


Anon - part 1


Thank you for the thought provoking letter ZM. I am interested in the psychology of punishment, which you touched upon in the beginning about why you want and need this.


Most of the men on this board claim to want real punishment. In a domestic discipline relationship the punishments need to be harsh enough to change behaviors, but even those who just have this as a fantasy still want the actual punishment part to be real. Real in this case means unpleasant enough that you are hating it at the time it happens. One common “complaint” that I have read on this blog, and on the polls, is that husbands want firmer discipline than their wives give. Earlier comments talked about how the husband can be brought to the point of surrendering to the spanking more easily. Whether it is because the wife is not punishing correctly or because the husband isn’t able to surrender, it is clear that many men are not getting what they want and need so badly.


So if you are a wife, what do you do if your husband shares his need for discipline with you, whether in a fantasy context or in a DD or FLR context? First off, don’t even try to understand why he wants or needs this, because if he doesn’t understand (and he doesn’t) then there is no chance of you understanding! But even if you cannot understand why he needs this, talk with him to try to understand just exactly what it is that he is wanting, and then agree on what things you will punish him for and any other parameters. Assuming he wants “real” punishment, here are some tips for a real punishment with an emphasis on the all-important mental aspects:


Anon - part 2


- Decide for yourself that the punishment WILL continue until he reaches surrender. Resolve that you will see this punishment through and give him what he really needs.


- Start by telling him what he did wrong and how it made you feel. Scold him harshly, because shame is a critical part of punishment. Don’t hold back at all, use a very strong voice, and be as “bitchy” as you can bring yourself to be. Don’t worry, the bitchier you are, the more he will love you for it later! By the time you are done he should feeling horrible about what he has done and be almost relieved to move onto the painful part just to be done with the lecture.


- Tell him that you are going to give him a long, hard spanking. Make sure that he understands just how painful it is going to be and that it will go on until he is truly sorry, plus some. Use phrases like “until you can’t sit for a week” to make it more intimidating. He needs to understand that it will be more than he can endure and that he will be pushed past the limit of what he can take, but he will have to take it anyway. This will help him to surrender to it later.


- Scolding can continue through any part of the punishment, including corner time.


- If you want to give him a warm-up spanking, do it now. It will give him something to think about as he waits for the real punishment to start. Use either your hand or a hairbrush and start softly, but increase the speed and force until it starts to really sting.


- Now put him in the corner with his bare bottom on display to wait for the real punishment. Make him wait 10-15 minutes which will seem like an eternity to him and he will feel very ashamed, even if he is used to you seeing him naked.


- Begin the actual punishment. Now it is time to use something much more severe than your hand, like a paddle or a heavy strap. Hit harder than you think you should, with most of your strength. From the first stroke, the pain should be a shock to him and it should build to become completely unbearable. Don’t forget to keep scolding him.


- At first, he may take it pretty well. You can be proud that he is taking it like the man that he is (after all he is your man!) but both of you should know that the taking it like a man won’t last. You will continue until he is reduced to feeling like a naughty boy, and then punish the naughty right out of him!


- As you keep punishing him, you will see that he will start to struggle. This is very difficult because you love him and don’t want to hurt him, but keep in mind WHAT HE NEEDS AND WANTS IS A PUNISHMENT SO SEVERE THAT HE DOESN’T WANT IT AT THE TIME.


- As he struggles more he will tell you that he has had enough and that he has learned his lesson, but let him know that the punishment is going to continue until he is very sorry, and that he is nowhere near sorry enough yet. Continue scolding him, and increase the speed and power of the spanking, showing no mercy. Remember that he has a safeword and he hasn’t used it (and probably won’t since he really needs this).


- Ignore how red he gets. By the time you are finished, his bottom will probably look horrible and will be swollen and have some bruises. Don’t worry, as long as you are hitting only his bottom it is almost impossible to injure him and he will heal very quickly.


Anon - Part 3


- The shame and pain will grow until he simply can’t take any more, and at that point you will see that he will relax and stop fighting the punishment. If you can see that he is not reaching the point of surrendering to the punishment, take a break and put him in the corner to think for a while, and also to regain some sensitivity, since the bottom becomes numb pretty quickly.


- Continue until he surrenders to the punishment. Unless he says the safeword, the punishment will continue as long and as hard as necessary to bring about this surrender. Note that you are looking for surrender, and not necessarily tears, since some men may cry and others will not. It has nothing to do with how physically or emotionally strong they are, and is just how they are wired. If it is hard for you to see your man cry, remember that in fact some of the strongest men cry much more easily than others who are weaker and less secure.


- Once he surrenders, it is up to you how long to continue, but don’t stop immediately since this is the most productive part of the punishment and now real learning is taking place. A good rule of thumb is to treat this as the 3/4 point of the punishment so punish him about another 1/3 as much as you have to this point.


- And now finally the punishment will be over. He will probably be somewhat physically and emotionally drained. It is very important to be close to him and to hold on to him. If you are like me, you will feel closer to him now than at any other time so enjoy the time.



A real punishment like I just described is very difficult for many wives to administer, since even those who love the thrill of control and who really understand that this is exactly what their husband needs still find it difficult to be so harsh and to do something so painful. They love their husband and don’t want to see him suffer. But no matter how hard it is to do, if your husband has this need and if you fulfill it you will see that he will be much happier, more content, more loving, and more relaxed for weeks or even a month afterwards, which makes a difficult hour of punishment more than worth it for both of you.


Anonymous response


As a disciplinary wife I can say that yes it is very difficult sometimes to punish my husband like this. I know that he needs this, I have seen how it has transformed his attitudes and behavior, I know that he really wants this except for sometimes when it is actually happening, and I know that as soon as it is over he will start forgetting just how painful it was and it won't be long until he is wanting or needing another. As I prepare to punish him I know all these things and usually I can't wait to show him some of the strong emotions I am feeling and let his bottom feel the results of his bad decisions. So I am always ready to punish him good and hard until I am sure that he learned his lesson. But then as the spanking gets harder and I can see that he is really hurting it is so hard to keep going because I love him and just want to stop and forgive him. But when I am able to keep going and give him a lot more than he wants at the time until he just gives up and thinks it will never end it is so powerful. These punishments completely clear everything between us and I am able to let go of all the emotions I am feeling and he feels all the guilt leave and feels like he got just what he needs and I see that it leaves him calm and at peace. After one of these spankings we feel so close to each other unlike any other time. These hard punishments are not easy for me to give but they are so good for our relationship.