Frequent Spankings for Small Things - a Maintenance Subsitute? (Club Meeting - 564)

“If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right.” — William H. McRaven

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Wives Club – Tribute blog.  Our weekly on-line gathering of women and men who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship of the type advocated by the former Disciplinary Wives Club (archived copy in the “Links I Like” list, below right).

 

I hope you had a great week.  Mine was another fairly bad one, as I’m having a hard time recovering from my recent setback.  I guess in my late 50s I don’t bounce back as well as I used to.  Getting old is not for sissies, yet I prefer it to the only known alternative.

 

 

We had a fairly good discussion last week, especially considering the set up being a single spanking meme.  I don’t plan to do that a lot in the future, but it seemed better than not posting at all, so I’ll probably do it again, though next time I really try not to let the single meme become a full-blown post.  And, the discussion was robust enough to suggest things to talk about this week. So, there is that. Speaking of which . . .

 

It began with me responding to this comment from Red:

 

“[A]lthough I suggest Cindy should be stricter and spank more often, and she is doing this, it is both a spanking and a learning experience for me that certain little habits that she dislikes (I never knew how much) are spanked strongly. I am not happy with being spanked at these times, but accept and learn upon reflection to be more considerate, which is always my goal.”

 

My response was to the effect that it seems an inevitable risk of asking for more strictness is the prospect of getting more spankings that you aren’t fully onboard with, at least not at the time they are ordered:

 

That's the thing with asking for "stricter" - it almost inevitably ends up applying to things that she sees as a big deal, but you may not. I would put a lot of Anne's "pet peeves" in that category. Though, I would also note that once she says she's going to spank for them, I tend to stop doing them relatively easily. The exception is pet peeves that also involve a big element of carelessness or absent-mindedness, like leaving the garage door open or not locking doors when I leave. In those cases, I'm not downplaying or intentionally blowing off her concerns. Rather, I just forget.

 

Glenmore then shared some of his experience with small offenses caused mainly by absentmindedness:

 

“I share your sentiment on getting spanked for minor offences which are really due to absentmindedness Dan , and how selective she can be as to what constitute a spanking offence.

 

She had been reprimanding me for weeks about spending too much time on my phone , which I agreed with so made s point of tracking my use and even offered to accept a spanking for going over my target. Instead she gave me a pass on the basis I was doing something about it and had actually reduced my use.

 

The next evening, we were going to sit outside and she was really mad because I had made myself a cup of herbal tea and did not make one for her.

To me it was no big deal as it was just a spur if the moment thing and didn't think to ask her.

 

However, when I did the same thing a couple of nights later she was really pissed and afterwards she brought out the paddle and spanked me for it. I'll make sure to remember from now on but found it odd that she considered such a minor thing to be a spanking offense while giving me a pass on my phone use.”

 T. responded with something that illustrated my point about how asking for more strictness implicitly means asking for more spankings, which in turn risks getting more spankings you don’t agree with:

 

I was punished again for raising my voice. I actually didn’t agree with this punishment because, in fact, my wife hurt someone’s feelings indirectly. I explained the situation to her and of course became a bit animated. I was correct but unfortunately raised my voice, and that’s exactly what I wanted my wife to hold me accountable for in the first place. She paddled my bottom hard and I gritted my teeth throughout the punishment because I felt it unjust. Therein lies the dynamic of DD that sometimes I struggle with. I want to be held accountable for my actions, but when in a discussion with my wife, where she is wrong, she doesn’t see it that way. She at times sees her side only. [But], I want my wife to be more strict and if I need a thrashing multiple times a week, then so be it.

 

Red then summed it all up with:

 

“Seems like you have your next topic Dan. That is, what seemingly innocent behavior on your part, whether absentmindedly or simply forgetting to ask, has been a pet peeve of your wife who spanked you for it? Did the behavior change? I think every husband has changed behavior because of this.”

 

We’ve talked before (several times) about getting spanked for “small” things. But, this discussion suggested a new angle, namely the way asking for more strictness entails getting more spankings, and the combination of increased strictness and getting spanked more often almost inevitably increases the risk of getting spanked for things you don’t agree with or that seem trivial.

 

 

Red referred specifically to “seemingly innocent behavior”. Very few of my spankings have fallen into that category.  There were a couple of times when Anne spanked me for behavior when out with others that she thought was boorish or overbearing, while I saw it as just a vigorous conversation. Given the profession I was in for 25+ years, I’m very comfortable with arguing positions and am happy to get as well as I give.  I think Anne gets a lot more nervous when voices are raised, and she definitely is quicker to see some topics as too controversial or political for certain company.  Thus, we set the bar on “innocent behavior” at conflicting levels in that particular situation, but that’s really about as close as I’ve gotten to being spanked for “seemingly innocent behavior.”

 

More common is being spanked for things that seem trivial to me but aren’t to her. Leaving a chair pushed out after getting up from a meal is a biggie.  

 

 

Leaving doors unlocked is another.  Leaving the garage door open (accidentally) has gotten me spanked multiple times, yet I’ll concede that one as more of a problem, because our once crime-free neighborhood has experienced a surge of petty thefts from open garages.

 

A bigger category for us—at least in terms of threatened spankings and, had it not been for my injury, probably actual spankings too—is carelessness and the kind of absentmindedness Glenmore referred to.  That has become a bigger and bigger focus, but that’s been mostly at my request.  I honestly don’t think Anne cares that much about most of the incidents in this category, but for me, they are frustrating because (a) many have caused me to waste time and money fixing problems or replacing things, and a few have caused increased physical risks; and (b) many of those situations could have been avoided by paying more attention or being more careful.

 

When I’ve asked her to take carelessness more seriously, I’ve recognized that her doing so might increase dramatically the number of spankings, at least at first, because those incidents happen fairly regularly, and that probably isn’t going to change absent bringing a lot of strictness into it.

 

Further, for me, increasing the number of spankings is kind of a goal in itself, not because I “want” to be spanked more often but because I think it would benefit both of us.  It would benefit me, because it would result in more behavior change and also would humble me in way that, frankly, I think I need.  Conversely, spanking more often would increase her confidence and enable her to exercise more and more control more comfortably.

 

Yet, I know that in getting spanked more often, there are going to be more times that I disagree with the premise for the spanking.  It’s very similar to what T. is going through.  His example is kind of a mixed case, in that he wants his wife to spank him more often for raising his voice, yet in this case he raised his voice because he thought his wife was wrong about something.  It’s the kind of trade-off that probably is inherent in asking for more strictness and her delivering it.

 

For me, getting spanked more often for more trivial things, and possibly for things I don’t agree with, is kind of a substitute for the way other couples use maintenance spankings.  I do see a value in maintenance spankings in terms of reinforcing the roles, empowering her and humbling him, and in keeping the whole DD dynamic front-and-center.  Yet, the concept of spanking on a schedule, with no accountability element, doesn’t really resonate with me or, I think, with Anne.  She does seem to be fully on board with the premise that I should be spanked more often, but she seems unenthused by the idea of scheduling one weekly just to reinforce roles.

 

Lowering the bar on what earns a spanking, therefore, seems to offer the prospect of more frequent spankings while maintaining an element of accountability that we both want.

 

Another justification that resonates with me, and I think maybe with T., Red, and Glenmore as well, is the element of obedience that is in play when you get spanked for something that she has said you will get spanked for even if you think it isn’t inherently wrong or is too trivial.   

 

That situation was summed up best by one-time commenter Mrs. Terrapin:

 

Early in our DD relationship, my husband, like you, asked for strictness and firmness. He craved a structured environment with clear boundaries, much like you described. However, when it came time to enforce discipline, I often found myself hesitating, especially over what seemed like minor infractions. For example, if I had told him to use a coaster on the coffee table and he didn’t, I’d question whether it was fair to spank him for something so trivial. This second-guessing was compounded by his reaction—when the moment for discipline arrived, he’d often try to talk his way out of it, sensing my hesitation. He’d say things like, “Really? For something that small?” and I’d waver. Later, though, he’d circle back and ask me to be more strict, which left me feeling caught in a cycle of doubt and frustration.

 

This pattern persisted until I had a game-changing epiphany: nearly all of the behaviors that warranted discipline boiled down to one of two root causes—disobedience or disrespect. This realization shifted everything for me. Instead of focusing on the surface-level infraction, I began to see the deeper issue. For instance, not using a coaster wasn’t about the coaster itself (which, I agree, is minor); it was about him disobeying a direct instruction, which is an extremely serious matter. And even in instances where I hadn't given a direct instruction or rule, often there is a root cause of disrespect (for instance, him leaving a pair of dirty socks on the bedroom floor - the socks are trivial, the attitude that it's my job to be his maid is a significant display of disrespect).

 

This perspective changed how I approached discipline. The coaster thing is not just a hypothetical - it was exactually the reason for the first spanking I gave my husband after this epiphany. When I told him he was getting a hard punishment for not using a coaster, he tried to downplay it, saying, “Seriously? Just for a coaster?” But I held firm. By the time the punishment was over, his burning backside made it crystal clear that the issue wasn’t the coaster—it was his disobedience to a direct order. I explained that disobedience, no matter how small the context, would always be met with strict consequences, no leniency, no mercy. The same applied to disrespectful behaviors, like leaving messes for me to clean up. Whether or not there was a preexisting rule, those actions showed a lack of respect for me and our dynamic, and that warranted firm discipline.

 

This shift in mindset eliminated my second-guessing. It gave me the clarity and confidence to act decisively when I felt annoyed or disrespected, knowing that I was addressing the root cause, not just the surface issue. It also aligned perfectly with my husband’s desire for stricter boundaries, even if he wasn’t thrilled about the consequences in the moment. Over time, this approach has strengthened our DD dynamic, making it more consistent and fulfilling for both of us.

 

Thoughts on any of this?

 

Have a great week.

How Does It (Spanking Meme) Speak to You? Issue #1 (Club Meeting - 563)

“If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a warning and not as an example.” - George Bernard Shaw

 Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Wives Club – Tribute blog.  Our weekly on-line gathering of women and men who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship of the type advocated by the former Disciplinary Wives Club (archived copy in the “Links I Like” list, below right).

 

I hope you all had a great week.  Mine was . . . not great.  It began with an unanticipated adventure to help some friends out of a jam.  I’m glad I could help, and it was the right thing to do, especially as it was kind of similar to the help that someone gave me after my accident. But, it also was more strenuous activity than I’ve had in months, and I’ve been paying the price for it all week. 

 

 

I feel like I’m slowly getting back to where I was before this week’s little adventure, but it’s a bummer to lose a week of progress toward real normality. Oh well . . . it was a break from my routine, and it ended (mostly) well, all things considered.

 

I came into the weekend without much to in the way of topic ideas.  Although we got some participation last week, it wasn’t a lot, and nothing grabbed my attention as a new topic idea or launch pad for further discussion.

 

So, I almost decided not to post this week. Again.  But, I hate getting into that habit.

 

So, instead, several weeks ago, someone suggested that on weeks when I wasn’t inspired to write a long post, I might post a meme, picture, or piece of spanking artwork and ask for people’s reactions or ask them to fill in the story. 

 

I thought at the time that it was a good idea, though it requires more preparation than one might think. Not every meme or drawing is thought-provoking or invites speculation about what is going on behind the scenes.  And, given that I have literally thousands upon thousands of items in my collection, searching for good candidates is itself a chore.  But, I’m slowly moving contenders into their own file as I come across them.

 

I will give it a try this week, starting with a meme that appeared in last week’s post and didn’t get any comment.  

 

For future posts, I’m more interested in memes and pics that are enigmatic in some way that invites commenters to imagine what is going on behind the scenes.  This one isn’t really like that; it’s pretty “on the nose” regarding the subject matter.  But, I liked it because it managed to pack so many of our fairly regular Domestic Discipline themes into one little meme.

 

The way I envision this working is for commenters to say anything they want about picture, the pictorial content, the written statements, and perhaps the background story behind all those elements.  Basically, anything that comes to mind.  Here are a few of my reactions:

 

Model: Although I like this meme, for me it’s more about the words attributed to the model and not to the model or subject herself.  In fact, I’m not sure there is a human subject.  She is a little too flawless, in the way so many AI-generated images are.  And, regardless, the flawless, young, professional model look is not what gets my motor running when it comes to spanking and DD memes.  I’m far more into a “regular” woman look, especially if she’s displaying anger or dominance.

 

 

In that vein, I very recently came across this video.  It seems like a straight up legitimate domestic spanking scene, with a wife who for me is almost a prototype for a “real” wife who has taken firm control. It’s also a great demonstration that a spanking doesn’t have to be long to be effective; start to finish, it’s less than two minutes.

 

 

Strictness and its implications:  The unseen husband has clearly asked for his wife to be stricter.  She’s decided to accommodate him, but it instantly goes in a direction that he probably didn’t ask for.  I have talked to Anne many times about being more strict, and I try to keep in mind that if it happens (and all signs are it would be happening absent my long convalescence), it could go in directions that I find way more aversive than a spanking, like . . .

 

 

Grounding:  I’ve done several posts about grounding, but they never seemed to get much traction.  I do gravitate toward grounding scenarios, perhaps because they trigger my attraction to “maternal” discipline.  When I was growing up, one of my friends was frequently grounded, and his mother was an incredible stickler.  No matter the reason, she wouldn’t budge on letting him out of it early, and she measured the time down to the minute. I remember one time we came over to get him to come along to something one afternoon, and we had to sit around for 30 minutes because we came over at 3:30 but he had gotten grounded at 4:00.  I had a huge crush on her.

 

“You’re calling your friends to tell them”: One thing that makes grounding an effective punishment for kids is it is inherently public. Friends knowing about it is kind of the point.  Here though, it seems like the wife is cranking it up a notch by having him call his friends and proactively tell them, before any shared event that he’s to be grounded from is in play.  To me, that’s a big distinction. Given my current friends set, I honestly think I wouldn’t have a big problem declining an invitation to something based on Anne grounding me, though I don’t doubt I’d try to make it something of a joke.  It would be much harder to have to tell others that I’d been grounded in the absence of any pending invitation.  Though, I don't think it would be as embarrassing as having to tell someone, or having someone you know told, that you were, or are about to be, spanked.

 

 

Every night spankings: After we tried multiple spankings for the same offense, I kind of came around to the views that many of you had expressed about the value of having a single spanking “clear the slate.”  Yet, it seems like this situation is a little different. The husband is being spanked for attitude, and he is implicitly given a way out: change the attitude!  And, while I do see the wisdom of clearing the slate and moving on, I admit that I still have a strong visceral reaction to spanking stories in which two (or more) spankings are the norm for certain conduct.

 

“Little man”:  Although I like it when Anne is verbally controlling (not in that moment, but after-the-fact for sure), I’m not a fan of belittling language like “little man”.  But, I do like the “Are we clear” rhetorical question.

 

Thoughts?

Riffing on Some Member Comments About Strictness, Female Leadership, and Openness About Roles (Club Meeting - 562)

“Followership is a discipline of supporting leaders and helping them to lead well. It is not submission, but the wise and good care of leaders, done out of a sense of gratitude for their willingness to take on the responsibilities of leadership, and a sense of hope and faith in their abilities and potential.” — Reverend Paul Beedle

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Wives Club – Tribute blog.  Our weekly on-line gathering of women and men who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship of the type advocated by the former Disciplinary Wives Club (archived copy in the “Links I Like” list, below right).

 

I hope you all had a good week.  Mine was okay. Getting back to full mobility is a painfully long process, but it is, in fact, a process.  I’ve been a little bummed out, as some friends left on a trip this week that, absent this injury, I would be going on. But, it is what it is . . . . 

 

I don’t know whether it’s a good or a bad thing, but while progress may be slow, there is progress, and it pulls me inevitably closer to that first post-injury spanking.  It’s been on my mind a lot, and it’s also clearly been on Anne’s. 

 

A couple of days ago, she referenced a tentative plan to give me one this week.  I had to remind her that my tailbone is still a problem. And, it is. 

 

But, it may be getting to a state where spanking in some form is doable. I don’t think I could take a hard paddling with anything wooden quite yet.  A cane is the more obvious candidate, though Anne has never liked, or gotten proficient, with that instrument. Maybe if it’s the only way to get back into it?

 

And, I do feel like she really is itching to get back into it.  Which is, in itself, a testament to how much has changed over the last couple of years.  In the past, I never felt like she was just accommodating my need for discipline; it was reasonably clear that she did get a lot out of our DD relationship.  But, getting a benefit from it isn’t quite the same thing as really embracing it and being into it as much or more than he is.    

 

Really adopting it as her own, openly lamenting when it’s not happening, bringing it up, often in the context of threatening its use . . . those are all things that have become a more prominent part of her approach to our relationship only in the last couple of years.

 

It’s one reason this medically-induced hiatus—our second (and sort of third) in two years)—is so unfortunate. It feels like we were on the verge of a truly meaningful shift in her level of dedication to taking charge, but it’s been one long interruption after another.

 

Ward talked recently about a similar process he’s gone through:

 

I can sympathize with Dan. I had to wait for months for my wife to heal, and I dreaded the impending spanking when she was close to being able to administer one. Like you, it's all I could think about while she was in the process of healing. The interesting thing was when we talked about it, she couldn't wait to be able to give me a spanking. The hard thing was when it finally happened it was for a very real selfish act on my part. The guilt was eating me up. When the spanking was over, I was crying real tears for some time, after which I stood in the corner apologizing over and over again. That did not prevent her from putting me back across her lap before bed to drive home the point that it better never happen again. It definitely was a reset for us. Things have been way better, and the intimacy is like nothing we have experienced before. Touching and holding each other like we are truly in love. She loves the attention I have been giving her since she started spanking me again when I get out of line.

 

I’m not sure whether it is the same incident (maybe he’ll clarify), but Ward also talked about his wife’s new dedication to taking charge:

 

We are full FLR now! I made a huge mistake and manipulated her to get my way. The whole deal went sideways and we missed out on an opportunity both of us wanted. I felt terrible it was all my fault. If she had stuck to her instinct instead of being pushed into something she wasn't sure she wanted by me we would have been way better off. We talked about it when it happened and I told her how sorry I was but we both knew that it would happen again and the only chance to prevent it was some severe consequences. I was put over her lap and paddled while she lectured me about it not happening again. I was crying real tears not from the pain but because I was truly sorry.. I was sent to the corner until I was able to stop crying then we had a long talk about her putting some guard rails in to to prevent it from happening again. I had to stand in the corner for an hour tonight and got another spanking before bed. I hope this helps me change this behavior in the future. I really screwed up.

 

I was curious about what he did, but T beat me to asking about it:

 

“Ward, just out of curiosity, what was the big mistake that was made. Is it something you can reveal here? I do envy a bit of your relationship. I would wonder what a true FLR relationship would feel like. I would like to know if it would have a positive change on me, or would I build resentment towards my wife. Unfortunately, I will never know because my wife wants me to lead. We have a typical marriage except for DD. I wish I had met her in my mid twenties. I truly believe FLR could have benefited me then. My wife is a bit older than I am and I’ve always been attracted to older females. I find that they know what they want and seem to ignore the BS for the most part. Dan post some incredible pics of older women who I find incredibly sexy.”

 

Ward gave some additional details:

 

I manipulated her into signing a contract on a home I thought I wanted, only to see our dream home. But, we couldn't put in an offer because of the contract I pushed her into, and someone else bought our dream home in the meantime. It's not the first time I have manipulated her into a decision we both regretted. She spanked me multiple times that day to make it clear that it will never happen again. I am to be the perceived leader, but I am her husband and never allowed to make the final decision. At home I obey her and do most of the work inside and outside. We are retired but now I have to do her bidding or suffer the consequences. To be honest while I don't always like the punishments and chores it has made our marriage unbreakable. I'm still struggling at times to trust her judgment but she has great instincts and has never made a bad decision unless I pushed her into it. My love for her is beyond description.

 

I quote that exchange extensively, because I don’t have much of a real topic in mind this week, so I thought I might riff on some of the things it brings up for me.

 

First, T stated that he experiences some envy at Ward’s description of being in something like a real FLR.  I get that and feel a similar envy whenever someone describes a scenario in which a DD wife really takes charge.  Part of me really craves Anne stepping up her level of control in a powerful way; a way that is so strong-willed that it feels irresistible.

 

Yet, T is clearly right to at least wonder whether it would prove to be a positive change, or would he resent it?  TB made a similar point when talking about what he went through mentally when his wife started ramping things up, from accommodating his spanking interest to something that involved more rules and that was truly disciplinary in severity:

 

So, in many ways it was a ‘be careful what you wish for’ as initially I had no real concept of how painful a real spanking would be and how difficult submitting would be, not just to the increasingly painful spankings but also to a set of modified behaviours and controls.

 

 

For me, I suspect that increasingly stringent controls on my behavior would be harder to deal with than the resulting spankings.  It’s one thing to fantasize about being under someone else’s direction, and quite another when you’re experiencing it in real-time in circumstances where you feel a real curtailment of your own agency and independence. 

 

Coincidentally, I came across this meme last week that sums up a wide range of consequences some of us sometimes suggest we’d like to experience but that might feel uncomfortably uncomfortable in reality.

 

Yet, while I think T is right to ask the question about possible resentment, I also can’t help but sharing the curiosity that leads him to want to at least experience it.

 

Since I don’t have a real topic in mind, I’ll throw this out for any thoughts others might have about being under someone’s increasing control and how the reality might differ from the fantasy?  If you’ve gone through such a transition yourself, how did it come about, and how did it make you feel?  Was it a positive development, or one you struggled with?

 

One discomforting thing a real FLR, or a very strict DD, might entail is the wife’s empowerment being very visible to others.  Which raises another interesting angle on Ward and T’s observations.  T notes that, as much as he may be curious about what an FLR-like relationship might feel like, “Unfortunately, I will never know because my wife wants me to lead”.

 

In a similar vein, Ward notes: “I am to be the perceived leader . . .”   

 

This is something that’s come up in a lot of comments over the years.  A couple is in a genuine DD relationship, which inherently involves the wife taking on authority above and beyond what exists in most marriages, yet it’s important to one or both of them that he is either designated “the leader” or at least perceived to be so by others.  To me, it's doubly interesting in that Ward seems to see his wife taking over as a good thing, as she has good judgment, even if he needs to learn to trust it, and T has often commented on the fact that his wife has great temperament and judgment.  Yet, in both relationships, one or both parties thinks the man should be the leader, or at least should be perceived that way bother others.

 

It's an interesting issue that maybe calls into question how much gender dynamics have really changed over the hears and/or whether the mere establishment of a DD relationship does much to challenge them.  To put it succinctly, if the husband wants the wife to be in charge, and if she, in fact, exhibits better judgment and/or temperament, why shouldn’t she be the openly acknowledged leader?  

 

Maybe T. and Ward, and others who have experience with it, can talk about this more?  It’s not something I have much direct experience with. The closest I come is that, when the kids were still at home, Anne said that she worried that being more open about her spanking me and being more in charge might cause them to lose respect for me. 

 

But, it’s worth noting that I never really shared that concern. To the contrary, I’ve always been attracted to the idea of others knowing Anne is in charge.

 

However, I also need to keep in mind that Anne’s concerns on that front arose when we were in a life situation that no longer exists. We had kids at home. We had jobs and job-related reputations to be concerned about. That’s not the case anymore. Therefore, if those were the things that caused her to be less open about being open, given that those conditions no longer exist, maybe her attitude toward openness could change.  

 

And, and, if things were to change, it could happen quickly and unexpectedly. I recall former commenter KOJ (who I miss a lot) talking about how quickly his wife became very comfortable displaying her authority:

 

“Dan, it was shockingly abrupt with my wife, with no explanation. She must have been thinking about it for a long time. She had been hiding her authority over me due to concern about both of our careers. I had no idea that she wanted to display her authority, or at least not hide it. But suddenly she was making the same demands and comments in public that she did in private. I was taken aback. Eventually we talked about it. She was her matter-of-fact self. ‘You'll just have to accept it like you do your spankings,’ she said. I came to realize that power is more powerful the more people know about it!”

  

 

When he described specific instances in which she exercised that openness, I was morbidly attracted to it, and I still am. For me, the desire to be subject to increasing levels of strictness and control, and the prospect of Anee being more confident and open in wielding her control, are probably different aspects of the same underlying desire. It's not so much about wanting to suffer the embarrassment of being "outed" as in a relationship where I get spanked at my wife's discretion but, rather, wanting to have a wife who is so self-confident and in touch with her own power that she doesn't feel the need to hide it.  At bottom, my kink (for lack of a better word) has always been rooted in being taken control of by a powerful woman and not about spanking per se, though the spanking is an important element of the expression of that power.

 

The DWC’s Aunt Kay advocated that wives being in control was not just appropriate but ideal, though she acknowledged it’s not the world we live in:

 

“Attitude is the whole thing in spanking a man. You can work on improving your techniques over time, but you have to start with the right attitude.  Think about it. How many times and in how many ways has he shown you that he is basically a spoiled brat, a little boy, in a grown man’s body? A million? Two million? That's what you are dealing with, and if our world wasn't so confused, it would be normal for the woman of the house to wield the moral authority and the hairbrush without a second thought.”

 

Although I may regret if it actually happens, part of me really wants to experience that overt display of authority, combined with picking up the brush without a second thought, even if it’s a fantasy that I might come to regret were it to be fulfilled. KOJ’s experience is a cautionary note that it could, in fact, happen even if it feels very speculative today.  Yet, I also didn’t get the sense that he was unhappy with the development, even if it was sometimes profoundly embarrassing.

 

Again, I don’t have a well-defined topic in mind.  Chime in with anything that interests you.

 

By the way, in a week in which two major AI platforms have disclosed that their creations escaped and hacked into other systems, this seems appropriate:

 

 

No Post This Week

 Hi all.  I'm tied up with a few things this weekend and won't be posting.  In the meantime, if people have ideas for future topics, please let me know.

Are Disciplinary Spankings Mainly About Behavior Modification, or Something Else? (Club Meeting - 561)

“If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” - Frederick Douglass

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Wives Club – Tribute blog.  Our weekly on-line gathering of women and men who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship of the type advocated by the former Disciplinary Wives Club (archived copy in the “Links I Like” list, below right).

 

I hope you all had a good week.  Although I’m stuck with some assistive devices through this week at least, I feel like maybe, just maybe, I’m seeing the worst of this whole rehabilitation process in the rearview mirror. 

 

Which might be bad for my rear.  Earlier in the week, Anne climbed into bed with me, and with no lead-in from me asked, “So, are you about ready to start getting spanked again?”  

 

It’s another not-so-subtle indication of the extent to which this thing that once was largely about accommodating me is now her own, independent thing. 

 

Which is a nice transition into a topic idea that came from “Garageswats” a couple of weeks ago:

 

“So this is a continuation from a comment last week around rules. It made me think and I’ve been turning it over all week. Do we practice DD mainly for behavior modification? I’m not sure that’s been the case for us, although there certainly is some of that. But I’m not sure that DD motivates me to change my behavior. I also don’t have this really figured out as to what it does more so than put my wife in charge (and get my ass spanked). Anyway, not sure if this is a topic that’s interesting for you all but it is something I’ve been thinking about.”

 

The reason it’s a good transition from my observation about Anne’s increasing embrace of her Disciplinary Wife status is that, for us, the reasons for practicing DD have changed over time. Or, at least, the relative ranking of the reasons has changed.

 

When we first began, I do think behavior modification was a big part—maybe the biggest part—of the motivation.  I was deeply attracted to what I saw as the core of the DWC, i.e. women using disciplinary spankings to address problematic behavior they wanted to modify. 

 

Behavior modification still is a major part of what we are aiming at with DD, though over time I've come to think that it probably works best for smaller, day-to-day things like correcting bad habits and reducing carelessness or small inconsiderate acts.

 

 

There also was, from the beginning, a strong desire for accountability and penance.  Although that motivation is closely linked to behavior modification, given that being held accountable for bad behavior would make that behavior less likely to recur, they aren’t quite the same thing; there are times I have an almost overwhelming need to feel consequences imposed, even if the underlying behavior was very unlikely to recur with or without the spanking.

 

Accountability, consequences, and penance, are different words for the desire to “clean the slate” by paying a price for bad behavior.  

Looking back, that need to have the slate wiped clean via some uncomfortable price was something I thought about mostly in terms of its emotional benefit for me.  

 

But, I knew DD could and sometimes did serve a similar function for my wife, which can be described straightforwardly: payback. 

 

Early on, we did talk about DD as giving Anne more control and allowing her to express her displeasure in a concrete way, but we now more straightforwardly acknowledge that a big part of the motivation for DD, from her perspective, is simply payback; I’ve done something negative to her, and she’s returning the favor and then some.

 

 

Closely related to payback, to the point that they probably are the same thing, is punishment.  In criminal law, there’s a lot of debate about whether the purpose is deterrence (behavior modification) or simply punishment, which I think of as something designed to condemn certain behaviors and to inflict that condemnation on the person who did it, with any modification of future behavior being more or less irrelevant.  It’s a form of balancing the scales, but from the perspective of society or the one harmed.

 

 

Punishment spankings are, as I said, probably indistinguishable from payback.  In our relationship, they're most likely to be given when Anne feels particularly wronged or, perhaps, feels that others have been wronged and she's acting as their avenger.  In those cases, behavior modification is either irrelevant or is, at most, a byproduct. The goal is, instead, on making me pay a price in pure pain and suffering for something I've done to her or others.

 

 

Another possible motivation, one that sometimes seems hard to reconcile with discipline, is excitement.  

 

I definitely do not get excited by the spanking itself. I am not a masochist. I do not enjoy pain, and a disciplinary spanking is pure pain.  But, I do get excited from the dynamic itself and from the anticipation of her spanking me, though over time I've come to appreciate that the excitement, for me, is more about her taking control of me in a very forceful way.  

 

 I think it's similar for Anne. In the past, she denied that she got excited while giving a spanking. I'm not sure that's true anymore. But, in any case, for a long time she has acknowledged that she enjoys the feeling of power she gets in ordering the spanking and in watching me get prepared for one.  She likes bending me to her will and watching me comply with something that I really do not want to happen. 

 

 

Finally, although part of my pitch to Anne for adopting DD was that it would help balance the relationship by empowering her and disempowering me, I think that has become a more central part of the motivation over time, particularly for her. 

 

And, over time I think the goal has morphed from wanting to balance or equalize the relationship to a conscious desire to make the relationship less equal by elevating Anne’s authority.  These days, there is a substantial emphasis on DD serving the purpose of, as Garageswats says, putting my wife in charge. 

 

In fact, at times it feels like my original ordering of motivations has been flipped on its head.  Originally, elevating her in the hierarchy was a means to the end of causing me to change my behavior.  Now, it’s more of an end in itself, with the behavior change being more like a good, but not wholly necessary, byproduct.

 

 

What about you?  To what extent is your primary motivation for practicing DD modifying behavior?  If not that, what is it?  Has it changed over time?  Does it serve one purpose for you and some other purpose for your partner? 

 

I hope you have a great week.

Attitude When DD Isn't Happening, and Keeping a List (Club Meeting - 560)

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm. - Vince Lombardi

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Wives Club – Tribute blog.  Our weekly on-line gathering of women and men who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship of the type advocated by the former Disciplinary Wives Club (archived copy in the “Links I Like” list, below right).

 

I hope you all had a good week.  Mine was okay.  I’m still in the “little victories” stage of convalescence.  I can finally drive again, which is a big deal, even if I’m doing only short, local trips.  It’s meant I can take myself to Chipotle, which was a near-weekly thing before this accident, though I probably should moderate those trips, given that in my present condition I can't even pretend to be able to burn off those calorie bombs.  I’ve also been able to resume my morning trips to the dog park, though I mostly hang out by the fence to avoid getting taken down while my dogs run around renewing their doggie friendships. 

 

In any event, it feels like life is slowly, slowly getting back to normal.

 

Unfortunately—or, perhaps very fortunately, from my butt’s perspective—that hasn’t included a return to Domestic Discipline.  While my leg is healed enough to handle the positioning and tensing of muscles, it hasn’t been clear that my tailbone is there yet.  Ten weeks, and it’s still pretty sore.

 

And, it’s not like DD hasn’t been on my mind.  In fact, I’m in one of those phases in which I’m thinking about it all the time.  I don’t exactly “want” it, especially knowing that, given how long the break has been, the first new one undoubtedly will hurt unbelievably badly.

 

It’s more like a “need” than a “want”, in two related senses.  

 

First, I feel an emotional need to be in our dynamic again. 

 

Second, I “need” it in the sense that I increasingly have issues and attitudes that “need” fixing.

 

It’s a hard thing to admit, but in the absence of having someone impose boundaries, I start feeling like, for lack of a better word, a dick.

 

It’s not that I necessarily let dickish thoughts or attitudes rip but, internally, I feel annoyed more often, more prone to saying snotty things, or at least thinking snotty thoughts, and I generally feel more negative and judgmental. 

 

Looking back, it’s how I felt when I first discovered the Disciplinary Wives Club and DD and, to a large extent I brought the idea of the DWC to Anne because I knew there were too many times when my attitude made me hard to live with. It was only later that I realized that, left to my own devices, my attitude was often just plain bad, but that someone taking me to task for specific bad behavior also adjusted my attitude for the better.  I just plain felt better with boundaries.

 

Being spanked for attitude wasn't a part of my teen or early adult experience.  Now that I've had this epiphany about the role that our DD relationship plays in keeping my attitude in a good place, I really wonder how life might have been had my parents, or a significant other, put me over their knee not for some specific act or omission but just for being a jerk or copping an attitude. I'm sure I would have hated it, but when I think back to what a stress case I was, and how hard-wired I was to be cynical and caustic, I might have felt a sense of relief.

 

 

Like I said, I don’t feel like I’ve been letting my attitude take the reins that often, but I feel this internal tension that I don't feel when Anne is being more consistently strict with me.

 

 It’s even impacting my dreams, which several times lately have featured Anne and I fighting, even though we haven’t had a real fight in quite a while.

 

So, I need a spanking and, moreover, I need the resumption of our DD dynamic, with an increasingly strict wife setting expectations and enforcing boundaries. 

 

It’s an interesting thing, feeling this need not just to be held accountable for specific behavior, but a deep desire to be “taken in hand” and kept under tighter control. 

 

That’s not always been the case.  It's really about not always noticing what you have.  When we're living the DD dynamic on a semi-regular basis, I tend to perceive my spanking needs in functional terms: I do something that we've agreed is spankable, or I do something careless or stupid, and I know I need a spanking to reinforce that there are consequences for bad or thoughtless behavior.

 

But, that’s kind of different from feeling the need for the dynamic itself. What I’m perceiving now is how much, before this accident, I was beginning to feel Anne’s authority as a force underlying our whole relationship. Now, I notice it by virtue of its absence. 

 

Also, it hasn't been that common for Anne to use DD to address general "attitude", as opposed to specific behavior, but it's clear to me based on how things have been going lately that it should be a key area of focus going forward.

 

 

But, while spanking hasn't been realistically for almost three months, I know it’s coming, and maybe not that far off.  A couple of nights ago, Anne and I were in bed, and I told her how much I was missing our dynamic and wanted to get it back on track. She clearly has some qualms about even trying with the shape my body has been in. But, she made a point of telling me that she’s been keeping a list, and intends to address the things on it as soon as that’s a realistic possibility.

 

I had a powerful reaction to that, in part because, thanks to this extended hiatus, I don’t know how many items are on the list or exactly what they are.  I did have one incident of drinking too much, hanging out with a friend after I was finally in good enough physical shape to sit in a restaurant/bar for a few hours.  It was one of those days when lunch turned into a long afternoon, though I didn’t really misbehave or anything at home.  She even said she understood that I needed to let off some steam after the forced seclusion. And, given my lack of mobility, it's not I've had a lot of opportunities to do much of anything, let alone anything bad.

 

So, I have to assume that most of the things on her list are the attitude issues I’ve felt a lot but caught myself expressing only a few times. But, I really don’t know. And, therein lies the source of my powerful reaction to it.

 

Although we’ve tried several times, we’ve never done a lot with lists or reports. And, when we have, it’s tended to involve me coming up with a form and giving it to her. Or, me journaling about something.  There has never been a time I can think of that she was keeping her own written list of issues she intends to deal with.

 

So, it seems like a big step in our DD relationship that she’s documenting things. It also seems like a big deal that she’s apparently been doing it for several weeks.  And, it seems like a very big deal that I don’t know exactly what is on the list or how long it is.

 

Both her proactive commitment to not letting things wholly slide during this period, her stated intent to address these things once that’s practicable, and not knowing how many sessions that might add up to, is both titillating and terrifying. 

 

Kind of like when I first discovered the DWC and decided to bring it to her.

 

Now, some might be thinking, “Don’t you pretty much know what is on the list?” Honestly, no. This entire period of enforced downtime has been so removed from our usual dynamic that it feels almost like a kind of amnesia has set in.  It also seems like, because discipline wasn’t a possibility anytime soon and I knew it, my mind stopped focusing on behavior and attitude problems in the way I would have when I knew such things might result in a real spanking in the near future.

 

I’m also not sure what she might have in mind regarding the logistics for moving things off the list.  I did a topic here a few weeks ago about whether there are time limits on offenses, and I said that I felt there had to be if I were to feel like I was being held accountable for something real.  

 

Yet, I also have been thinking more often about some of the points Al and others have made regarding the importance of regular, frequent spankings, i.e. maintenance, to keep up the dynamic.   

 

Particularly given how long this hiatus has been, maybe there is an advantage to her taking multiple sessions to check items off the list, not really for accountability purposes but as a combination of (a) payback for any instances of attitude I’ve given her; and (b) simply re-establishing her control and getting our dynamic back on track.  It also seems like her keeping her own list could be another huge step forward in terms of her internalizing our whole dynamic and making it her own.

 

 

This post is more of a general update and some introspection regarding where things stand with us, rather than a concrete topic. So, address anything that seems meaningful to you.  However, I would be interested in hearing whether any of the rest of you have experienced anything like a wife keeping a list but you not knowing what was on it.  Have there been times you knew she intended to address things with a very hard spanking, but you legitimately weren’t sure what those things were? 

 

Also, have you experienced a long hiatus of the kind I’ve described and noticed your attitude deteriorating or your mind going back to old, bad thought patterns?

 

By the way, one unfortunate byproduct of posting later in the week than usual is the topic may not run its course before I’ve moved onto the next one.  I would be interested in hearing from more commenters about the spanking story scenarios and specific stories they recommend. So, please respond to last week’s topic if you have something to say, and feel free to move those comments forward to this week’s topic so everyone will see them.

 

I hope you have a good week.