Saturday, May 28, 2016

The Forum -- Vol. 159 -- The Worst

We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment. Jim Rohn
Read more at:
 "Of course it hurts.  It's a spanking."
We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment. Jim Rohn
Read more at:

Hi all. Welcome back to the Forum -- Disciplined Husbands & Disciplinary Wives. I hope you had a good week.  Mine got crazy busy at the end, so I apologize for not responding to all the comments.  I just ran out of available hours in the day, then I ran out of days in the week and it suddenly became time for a new topic.

I can't say anything in particular inspired this week's topic.  It is sort of a natural offshoot of our polls about severity, but instead of focusing on what we want, it focuses on what we have actually had.  Namely, what is the hardest, worst, most severe, hardest to take spanking or other discipline you have received or doled out?  What led to it, and what impact did it have on you?

For a description of a really exceptional punishment spanking, visit the DWC website and look for "How I am Spanked" under the "Real People" menu.  Make sure you go to the authentic version of the DWC:  Another that describes a very hard one can be found here:

Have a great week.  Finally, as always, if you are new to the Forum, please drop by the Guestbook (tab above) and tell us something about yourself.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

The Forum, Vol. 158 -- Anticipation

Of all the hardships a person had to face, none was more punishing than the simple act of waiting.” -- Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns

Happy weekend everyone.  Welcome back to the Forum -- Disciplined Husbands & Disciplinary Wives, our weekly gathering of men and women participating or interested in Domestic Discipline and Female Led Relationships.  I hope you had a good week.

We had a good discussion last week about severity and intensity.  I hope it had the desired effect of giving wives who are new to this some reassurances as they ramp up the intensity, while not imposing on them any expectations beyond "do what seems right to you as you work your way along this path."  Near the end, Alan and I started going down another discussion about origins, which I admit I find endlessly fascinating.  I'll highlight one of my observations, in case people don't have time to peruse the previous topic, because I had never quite thought of the extent to which there seems to be a significant discrepancy between how most people come to this lifestyle and the way that lifestyle is portrayed in one of the sources that brought many of us to it.  My observation was: "Face it, humans are complicated creatures, and I reject the notion that we function like biologic computers where there are just inputs and outputs and if you could see the source code you could figure out exactly how input A caused output B. Your thoughts on the genetic trigger did raise one other thought with me: Is it interesting that the DWC has influenced so many of these relationships, yet it is in many ways the exact opposite of how most of them actually begin. Whether your genetic trigger theory is right or not, it does seem undeniable that in most cases, the interest in spanking pre-dates the interest in DD, and it is usually the man with that spanking interest who asks for the DD. Yet, a large majority of the stories on the DWC revolve around a woman getting fed up with bad behavior and imposing the DD lifestyle on a man who had no previous interest in spanking. The influence the DWC model has had is another indication to me that while the spanking interest is a key driver of these relationships, it is not the only one by a long shot, and the desire to be subject to someone's authority, along with the concept of imposed accountability, are additional and independent influences."  Enough said on that for now.

Last week's discussion was all about severity and intensity while being disciplined or controlled.  But, what about the time between the act and its consequences?  I'm talking about -- anticipation.  The mindset that occurs after you know you have done something deserving of punishment but before you receive your just deserts.   

It can happen over a short or long period.  Maybe you know you did something wrong, and you know you need to self-report though part of you doesn't want to.  Maybe you have self-reported, and you are waiting for her reaction. Or, maybe she has already pronounced the sentence and told you to get ready for her to get home.
Tell us your best example of anticipation and what it does to you mentally and emotionally.  What state does it put you in?  Scared? Exited?  Contrite?  Do you have any particularly strong memories of anticipating a particular punishment? I would also love to hear from the Disciplinary Wives on this one. What state does anticipating giving a spanking put you in?  Powerful?  Annoyed?  Turned on? 

I hope you all have a great week.  As always, if you are new to the Forum, please stop by the Guestbook (see tab above) and  tell us a little about yourself and your Domestic Discipline or FLR relationship.  


Saturday, May 14, 2016

The Forum - Vol. 157 -- Polls "More" or "Less"

 “The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. ” -- Roseanne Barr

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Forum - Disciplined Husbands & Disciplinary Wives.  This is our weekly gathering of men and women participating or interested in domestic discipline or Female Led Relationships.

I hope you had a great week.  I assume that some of you did, or at least a busy one, since the number of posts has been down for a couple of weeks now.  I hope that is a reflection of folks having other competing priorities, and not a reflection on the last couple of topics.

A few weeks ago, as some of you saw, I had a little spat with someone whose main line of inquiry was, "Why must this be so harsh?"  To me, the very common sense answer was that the people who are genuinely into this lifestyle are, I presume, doing it for disciplinary purposes.  Hence the name -- Domestic Discipline.  For discipline to be effective, it needs to be unpleasant.  Therefore, it hardly seemed surprising that the community of readers of this blog would be heavily populated with people who are looking not just be spanked, but to be spanked very hard.  I also presumed that many men who want to be in a Female Led Relationship not only want to be controlled; they want that control to be firm.  Commanding even.

At around this same time, however, I was also getting some questions or comments from some of our Disciplinary Wives indicating they had some nagging doubts along the lines of "Does he really want this?" or "What if I do it harder or am more dominating -- is that what he really wants?"or "I'm worried that if I really take control he will resent me for it."

 So, since we had not done a poll on these issues in a while, I decided to put my presumptions to the test.  Last time we did some similar polling (over a year ago and with a smaller group of readers), the clear result was "more." In short, men wanted more and harder spankings, by a significant margin.  This time, I tried to get a little more granular to focus not only on the act of spanking, but to try to see what men want in terms of severity of discipline, the sternness of their partner's demeanor, and the extent of accountability.

The results are in, and they are not very surprising (at least to me), though they are interesting nonetheless.  The response rates varied slightly on the respective polls, but they averaged about 135 people, which is fairly high by our historical standards.  Here is what they had to say:

The disciplinary spankings I receive are:

Too hard
                       13 (9%)
Not hard enough
                       84 (63%)
Just right
                       36 (27%)

I wish my disciplinarian's demeanor toward me was:

More stern
       98 (71%)
Less stern
       4 (2%)
Her demeanor is just right
       35 (25%)

 In holding me accountable, my disciplinarian is:

Too strict                                 8 (5%)
Not strict enough                    105 (78%)
Just right                                 21 (15%)

The most obvious takeaway is, as our earlier polling is confirmed, men want it "more" and "harder."  Harder spankings, more stern demeanor, and being held accountable on a stricter basis.  This should give some assurances to any willing but hesitant dominants out there who have been holding back, thinking that their husbands may not want real discipline and control.  If they don't, then they are in the distinct minority.  Very few of our poll-takers thought their spankings were too hard, and even fewer wanted less accountability or less sternness from their disciplinary wives.  In fact, "more" and "harder" trounced the other categories.

Something that surprised me a little was the strength of responses wanting more accountability.  Almost 8 in 10 men wanted her to be more strict in holding him accountable.  I assumed it would be high, but in line with the other two questions.  But, it was almost 20 points higher than those wanting harder spankings.  It was also the area with the lowest number of men who are satisfied with the current state.

While it's easy to speculate and dangerous to read a clear message from a poll that, even with a pretty high response rate was still only about 10% of this blog's readers, some general, though tentative and qualified conclusions do seem to emerge:
  • Women, stop worrying that your husband is going to resent it if you give him that hard, disciplinary spanking that you have been reluctant to give.  Whether he will have one of those "why the hell did I ask for this" moments during the event is an open question, but you can at least rest assured that if your husband wants anything different in your DD relationship, you are probably safe in erring on the side of giving more, not less.
  • You also probably don't need to worry about being perceived as "bitchy" if you take firmer control and embrace that HoH role.  70% of the guys out there seem to want you to cut loose with that more authoritarian demeanor.
  • Your man wants you to hold him accountable.  So, when he screws up, don't waste time and energy pondering whether spanking him in this instance is "fair."  He very likely wants you to keep him more firmly under your thumb.
Finally, these results seem to provide a big reason to question the views of anyone who advocates that this is all just a spanking fetish.  Looking at the variances across the three polls, the desire to be held accountable and the need to be subject to stern command and control seem to be independent drivers of what the men who initiate this lifestyle are looking for.   So, while the spanking element may be a necessary piece of the puzzle for them, it's not sufficient and may not be what is really driving them to want this.

How about you?  Where do you come out on our polls?  Do you want it harder, stricter and tougher?  Do you want her to toughen the demeanor she uses when addressing your bad behavior?  If you were to give your wife feedback on what you want and need, would you tell her you want more and harder?  Or maybe it's already more than you bargained for? Or, maybe she's doing things just right?  For you, what does the ideal look like?

I hope you all have a great week.  If you are a newcomer here, please take a moment to stop by the Guestbook (tab above) and tell us a little about yourself and your DD or FLR relationship.


Saturday, May 7, 2016

The Forum -- Vol. 136 - That Moment

"I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay." ―Madonna

Hi all. Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum -- our weekly gathering of men and women participating or interested in Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.

Shakespeare asked "What's in a name?"  Apparently, quite a bit where a blog's masthead is concerned.  Some of you may have noticed a subtle change to the title posted at the top of the blog.  The former Disciplined Husbands Forum has become "The Forum - Disciplined Husbands & Disciplinary Wives." It was one of those things I just decided to do, without putting a huge amount of thought into it.  It just seemed like time for a small tweak to signal that we welcome discussion from those on both ends of the disciplinary paddle.  In all honesty, I've never been all that wild about the original title anyway.  It really began as a compromise.  I wanted the blog to focus on domestic discipline (obviously) but I didn't want to step on the toes of the Disciplinary Wives Club, so I stayed away from the terms "wives" and "club."  I've gotten over some of that reticence or concern that this might be seen as a DWC rip off, as this blog found its own readership and as it became more and more clear that the DWC wasn't going to be updated anymore.  So, I made the Masthead change early this week, and with that one change, daily readership popped up by about a third.  The jury is out on whether that is a good or bad thing.  I like the thought that maybe this blog influences a few people to try the DD lifestyle, similar to the awakening the DWC provided for me.  On the other hand, the wider the readership the more trolls it attracts and the more it pops up in links on sites that may have material that isn't something I really care to be associated with.  But, I do think trying to be more openly inviting to women who are or might be into this is worth it.

Enough chatter about the blog.  I'm still having some serious writer's block, struggling to come up with new topics.  Hopefully some new ideas will arise, though there probably is some hard limit on how many original topics there can be for a blog devoted to a fairly tightly-defined relationship activity.  Now, thankfully, as our community has grown and more people chime in with comments, something worth exploring a little more often comes up.

This week's idea came from Darren, one of our newer commenters who has been hoping his wife will come to really embrace domestic discipline.  Last week he asked, "Was there a moment all the talking you had been doing as a couple all of a sudden made sense to her? And in that moment for the first time "reflexively" went to spanking as the natural resolution in the moment."  A couple of people answered, but it seems like a question that merits an independent topic.  Was there a particular moment or event when your partner really "got" the role of disciplinarian, such that spanking you for real became her natural reaction to bad behavior?

A note on the Guestbook.  There are a couple of ways to do page tabs in Blogger, like the Guestbook and others at the top of this page.  Unfortunately, the one I originally chose for the Guestbook is kind of a pain, and as the number of comments grows, it got more unmanageable.  So, I have put up a new version, copying and pasting all the old entries into the new form.  Unfortunately, doing that doesn't preserve the profile links for those who didn't post anonymously.  But, the comments themselves are there.  If you are new to this group, please stop by the Guestbook and tell us a little about yourself.

I hope you all have a great week.