“I met an old lady once, almost a hundred years old, and she told me, 'There are only two questions that human beings have ever fought over, all through history. How much do you love me? And who's in charge?” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.
Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to our female readers to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.
I hope you all had a good week. Ours was pretty uneventful. I’ve been chomping at the bit for some adventurous motorcycle day trips, but it’s a weird time of year weather-wise. I mowed my grass a week ago for the first time this season, then a few days later I was I stuck in my car thanks to a road closure due to snow. But, all part of the joys of spring in the mountains.
Thanks to all of you who contributed to the discussion about future topics. Keep the ideas coming. This thing we do is a narrow enough topic in an of itself that I’m sometimes amazed that we’ve kept the conversation going for a decade. But it does sometimes get difficult to find even a new angle on the topics we’ve done before let alone to come up with anything truly novel. So, keep the ideas coming.
I don’t have a plan for doing the suggested topics in any particular order, so let’s kick things off with Alan’s suggestion:
Possible new topic -The sources and experience of intimacy in DD
Increased intimacy as a result of female-led DD has been touched on several times by comments. But I don’t believe we have ever tried to define or identify its source(s).
My former GF told me many years ago (after a spanking, I think) that “spanking is more intimate than sex.” Of note, this came from a woman who was not a spanko, although a strong believer in disciplinary spanking. My wife has similar thoughts but not so far as favorably comparing spanking to sex.
As a topic I envision, we might ask how many do experience intimacy from spanking, whether it is something both men and women experience, and where it comes from. What about disciplinary spanking produces feelings of intimacy ( if it does)?
There are many other directions a discussion could go. This blog and others have talked about the advantages of introducing spanking into a relationship. And there are many advantages, including facilitating a healthy power shift, powerful erotic expressions, behavior modification for naughty males, and more. However, intimacy is one of them for at least some couples. It might be interesting to try to answer how and why that is so."
I’m probably going to need to
let the rest of you drive most of the conversation on this topic. To answer
Alan’s initial question as phrased, I don’t experience intimacy from
spanking. At least not directly.
After a spanking has been ordered but before it happens, my prevailing emotion is probably anxiety.
Over the last year or two, we’ve used the OTK position almost exclusively. While it is certainly a more intimate position than, say, bending over a chair, I still don’t really feel “intimacy” when going over her knee.
During the spanking itself, I’m really just hating what is happening and trying to get through it.
Indirectly, however, after a spanking is over, it is very common for us to talk about it and about the DD and FLR aspects of our relationship. A hard spanking leaves me in a much more open headspace.
While getting through it is always an ordeal, when it’s over I do feel like the slate is clean, and I feel a strong sense of her strength in exercising her authority and control.
It’s probably in those moments immediately after getting spanked that I’m the most open about my feelings, specifically how I feel about being spanked by her, being in a DD relationship with her, and how I feel about being subject to her increasing authority.
I also open up a lot about
what I feel I need, including the prospect of her taking on even more authority. I’ve also gotten increasingly open about the
desire for her to explore more of her “maternal” role, to the extent she’s comfortable
with that. The openness and, indeed, desire to talk about what I'm feeling isn't part of my typical day-to-day makeup. It's a direct result of feeling totally wrung out after a hard session over her lap, as I think this drawing by KD Pierre depicts so well.
Journaling probably counts as another indirect form of intimacy that doesn’t come directly from a spanking but results from our spanking relationship. Over the course of the years, I’ve disclosed a lot of intimate needs and desires, and given her some pretty candid information about how I’m feeling, in journal entries. While I have kept personal journals in various formats for many years, the journaling I’ve shared with Anne arose directly from our DD relationship. So, again, while I don’t exactly experience intimacy from a spanking, it leads to much deeper and more open communication, which is either a form of intimacy or opens the door to it.
Does Anne feel intimacy from spanking? I’m not really sure, but I think the answer is no except around communication, as I just described.
For a long time, she claimed that she didn’t enjoy or get aroused by the spanking itself. Rather, she enjoys watching me get prepared for a spanking and gets turned on my watching me comply with her directions and orders, especially when she knows I’m struggling with it.
Recently, however, she did admit that she now likes having me over her knee. She didn’t use the word “intimacy” or suggest that’s what she feels. I think what she likes is seeing me make myself vulnerable to her, which I guess is a form of intimacy.
How about you? Whether you are the giver or receiver, do you feel intimacy from a spanking, whether before, during, or after? How about from the spanking relationship as a whole? If you do feel intimacy related to spanking, do you have any insights on why?
I hope you all have a great week.
