Saturday, December 14, 2013

The Forum - Question of the Week #30

Welcome to the Forum. I hope you all had a good week.

Before we get to this week's question, a reminder about our new "User Stories" feature.   If you have the time and inclination, please share a fun or interesting story about your domestic discipline activities, or share a bit of DD-oriented fiction.   To share a story, either add a comment to the most recent post, or send me an email with your submission.

Now, on to this week's topic, in which I am inviting people to wax a little philosophical.   Last week, we talked a little about encouraging more participation from women in DD relationships, and about some of the reasons that women either do not participate as much in on-line DD and spanking discussions, or perhaps do not participate as much in F/m oriented DD activities as many men out there might like.  While we were having these discussions, I was also reading a book about Tantra.  The book (which I won't identify because, on balance, it was a pretty bad read) posited that practitioners of Tantra believe that within each of us there are elements of the opposite gender, and that one goal of Tantric practice is to bring out, to develop, the inner woman within each man and the inner man within each woman.

So, my question is:  to what extent is that part of what is happening with F/m domestic discipline and Female Led Relationships?  In your own relationship, does submitting to a spanking involve some reshaping of your male gender role and allowing some more feminine element come to the fore?  Conversely, if you are a female disciplinarian, does giving a spanking or taking control of the relationship involving some channeling of your inner man?  To what extent is switching up the gender roles a bit an explicit goal in your DD relationship?

As always, please take a moment to enter something in the Guestbook.



  1. When we began DD, there was an express focus on changing the power relationship, but not necessarily the gender roles. We very much wanted to increase her power and authority and lessen mine, but we never talked about trying to explore our inner opposing gender or anything along those lines. While switching gender roles has not been an express goal of our relationship, elements of it have popped up from time to time. It is hard to describe, but after a spanking, her level of assertiveness in bed often jumps and does so in a way that seems very masculine

  2. At the start it was merely what i thought was my desire to just be spanked. Very quickly we both noticed that this was more than just play and slowly
    we began what to see that each time I was spanked there seemed to be a small shift in my role. Each time I became more submissive and in a way assumed the softer side of submission. To my shock it was a relief to have this respite with the woman I love. Where I could be vulnerable and soft and not be chided.

    Now I cant imagine life in any other scenario


  3. Great question and I will try to answer it from my own experience as well as general familiarity with the lifestyle. Some gender bending goes on in most f/m relationships but I think it varies a lot among couples. My wife for example uses panties to reinforce spankings but not for general wear and in the last couple of years she has started using her strap on for punishment occasionally. She also spanked me in front of her sister and would do more public spanking if she had a reliable witness. Some of those things especially the dildo and the panties does bring feminine elements into the discipline. But she has made it very clear to me she doesn’t want another girl friend but wants an obedient husband. So the feminization is there but limited. But I believe from couples we know and more from the internet that feminization goes much further with some couples apparently with some husbands permanently in panties and maybe other feminine attire and subjected often to the strap on ( my wife uses her strap on to teach me humility but I think it makes me more submissive and feminine) I know that switching gender roles isn’t an explicit objective of our relationship but it probably is in some f/m relationships It would be interesting to hear from some female disciplinarians how they feel about the gender roles but I think most want a responsible and better behaved husband and that’s why they discipline.

  4. Our marriage, before and after the DWC lifestyle, has been a traditional "Modern American" partnership style marriage, where we both have careers and both do chores, both contributing according to our aptitudes and abilities. The only difference and only change in that is that I am now subject to a good sound butt blistering. Granted - many would find this to be a pretty major deal, but really most things have otherwise stayed the same. Very few would ever guess that we are a DWC couple. However - I must add that her assertiveness in the bedroom did gradually increase with the DWC influence. I have always enjoyed performing oral sex and she has always enjoyed it - but I definitely spend more time there now (front and rear, and often times at her command to do so) and have had to learn to enjoy an occasional cream pie - which some would find "feminine" perhaps. And, along the same lines, I do get the strap-on once or twice a month. Like another poster noted, her idea is that it is a humility aid. And it is - but it is definitely not hard to feel somewhat feminized when being taken with a strap-on. --Al


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