The Club - Meeting 456 - Specific Reasons or Generalized "Resets", Reporting and Asking, etc.

“Karma is a tricky thing. To serve karma, one must repay good karma to others. To serve Karma well, one must sometimes deliver bad karma where it is due.” ― R. Mathias

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and Female Led (FLR) relationships.

 

Once again, before we get started I would like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers, if they still exist, to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. While I’ve always said the blog is open to both men and women, one of our commenters suggested I expressly invite our female readers to join the discussion.  Please consider the invitation enthusiastically extended. 

This will be our last post before Halloween, so . . . Happy Halloween!  It’s always been one of my very favorite holidays though, honestly, other than decorating the house and handing out candy, traditionally we haven’t really done that much for it. This week, for the first time in ages we went to a Halloween costume party.  It was for adults, but nothing risqué.  (Darn it.)

 

 A good time was had by all, though not too good.  

 

However, something did happen that has some potential bearing on some of the things we talk about here on this blog.

 

Over the last few months, I’ve developed a new friendship with the host of our Halloween party. It’s a pretty new relationship, and neither of us knows all that much about the other’s personal life. But, it was clear from the first time we got together with our wives that his “wears the pants” in that family.  He has a big, bold personality, but hers is clearly the more dominant. As the party was kicking off, she took the floor to explain some of the planned festivities.  Her husband was off to the side chatting with someone.  After trying for a few seconds to talk over him, she called out: “Hey, will you please shut the fuck up? I’m talking here.”  Her tone was kind of teasing, but also kind of not. She’s clearly someone who is used to issuing orders and having them obeyed.  This was not the first time I've felt that vibe from them.

 

Over the entirety of our DD relationship, I’ve come across only one other couple who made me seriously wonder whether they might be in a similar dynamic.  The interactions I’ve had with this new friend and his wife over the last few weeks definitely have me wondering whether they might be a second.   

 

The odd thing is, I’m feeling some interesting qualms about whether I would want him to know about our DD, even If I were convinced he’s in a similar dynamic. It’s gendered as hell, but it’s clear to me that for all my professed openness to letting others know, I do have a bigger issue with men knowing than I do about women.

  

As I’ve noted before, early on in our relationship I told a female friend about our DD experimentation.  I don’t recall being all that embarrassed about it, even though she was vanilla and I really had no idea how she might react.  Yet, I find myself way more resistant to even the possibility of opening up to another man, even though in his case I do have some reason to think he could be in a somewhat similar dynamic.  Now, part of it is clearly about the longevity of the relationship and differences in how well I know him versus my female confidante.  But, I don’t think that’s really the only thing at play.  Anyway . . . food for thought.

 

I go through phases where I seem to have lots of ideas for blog topics, then I inevitably hit a dry spell. The latter is happening now and has been for a few weeks. Since I’m lacking for real inspiration, I thought I might explore one of my favorite comments from last week--one from TB--and see whether we can parse it a bit more deeply.  Instead of quoting the whole thing then probing it in a series of observations, I’m going to take it piece-by-piece, mixing up the order of our comment exchange a little and hitting on things that caught my attention.  Instead of narrowing down to a particular topic, I invite all of your to jump in with anything his comment or my observations bring to mind.

 

DD started for us as a way of satisfying my lifelong interest in spanking. We were playing about one night, she started to spank me and I opened up about my interest a few days later. It gave her some power over me as she was able to access a part of me that I had kept secret from everybody.

 

As I told TB in my comments last week, this resonates with me strongly, though I had not thought about my interactions with Anne in quite this way before. I do recall vividly the conversation in which I first told Anne that I had discovered The Disciplinary Wives Club website, suggesting but not quite coming out and saying that I was interested in trying it. I definitely was very embarrassed and felt very vulnerable explaining it to her, not knowing how she would react.  When she called me at the office the next day and told me she thought the whole thing was "interesting"--enough so that I should buy a brush on the way home--my heart definitely skipped a beat.

 

 

But, at the time I didn’t think about it in terms of giving her some power over me.  Yet, clearly it did. At a minimum, it involved me giving her an embarrassing insight into my psyche that wasn’t reciprocal.  The confession alone, and the inequality in our knowledge of each other that it invoked, was a first tentative step in elevating her in the power hierarchy and taking me down a peg.

 

As I observed to TB, it also makes me wonder whether that kind of unilateral revelation and the power dynamic it creates is at the root of many of our DD interests and fantasies, including particularly “witnesses.” 

 

I've always known that a big driver of my DD fascination was a deep-seated desire to give up control.  But, when I’ve thought about witnesses, I’ve tended to focus on the acute embarrassment it would entail and not much about someone else witnessing, or even just knowing about, a spanking inevitably involves giving that other person a certain power over us. And, it’s not just that they might say something to someone else.  Rather, the fact that they know this very personal thing about you kind of elevates their power and diminishes yours vis-à-vis that relationship, doesn’t it? 

 

After a time I asked her to explicitly link the spankings with behavior changes that she (and I) wanted to see. I wrote out several versions of 'rules', we experimented with a 'points' system but eventually have settled on a set of general principles, a sort of charter that we both use as a way of measuring how I have behaved and whether a 'reset' is due.

 

From the outset, we linked spankings with behavior changes we both wanted to see, and initially the approach was very rules-based before settling into something at least a bit more generalized, like the “charter” TB describes.  Where we may differ is in the extent to which it’s about a “reset.”   

 

Anne still tends to spank mostly for specific offenses.  There isn’t a lot of focus on using disciplinary spankings to more generally reset the power dynamic. This ties into something else TB said about the benefits of DD in his relationship:

 

The key benefit for her is a rebalance in our relationship - as she will often say, she now has the power to stop me, to re-center me, to reset me any time needed. She says (and I agree) that we are much closer now and puts a lot of it down to the 'need' that I have exposed to her, the openness in my journal and hew ability to draw any dispute to a close if necessary.

 

For me I now have the clear guidelines (or guardrails as Dan calls them) and some clear consequences when I overstep. As a very goal driven personality having this clear 'target' behavior', measures & consequences is very appealing. Tension builds in most relationships for a variety of reasons - there is nothing quite like a session with the strap to 'clear the air'!

 

Anne really doesn’t always seem to be aware of—or at least she doesn’t focus enough on—her general authority to “stop me, to re-center me, to reset me any time needed.” I feel like she’s missing an opportunity, including to “clear the air.”  When we got back from our recent trip, we clearly were getting on each other’s nerves after too many days in close quarters, to the point that she observed that we “needed some space.” At that point, I probably was too irritated to respond well to a DD-oriented “reset.”  But, a few days later, once we’d both cooled off a little, I think it probably would have been beneficial for both of us.

 

It makes me curious, how specific are the wives when it comes to reasons to spank? Setting something pre-scheduled like “maintenance” aside, is it almost always for some specific offense? Or, is it sometimes more generalized like TB’s “reset” or “re-centering”?

 

 

Link that to our recent development where I now explicitly 'own up' to failings and request that she addresses them via a spanking has moved her sense of power and control (she says) to a new level. If I miss anything she will point it out during the pre-spanking 'talk'.

 

I followed up on this, because although I know in my heart I should confess bad behavior and even request spankings as deserved, I generally don’t. And, while most of it is because I suddenly don’t really want a spanking when I know one is coming, I also do sometimes feel like requesting a spanking leaves me too much in control. Yet, TB’s wife says him doing so gives her a new sense of power and control. He explained further:

 

The only behaviors that she is interested in punishing me for are disrespect, moodiness, etc - so behaviors that impact her directly. She is therefore aware of anything that I 'own up' to already (and would usually take action to address either as a specific or as a general 'reset'). She does see that my recognizing & admitting to the behavior before she takes action is another level of submission & self-awareness. In fact, although we have only been using this approach for a number of weeks, if I don't 'own up' to some failing that was obvious to both of us, she will take extra spanking time to highlight that particular issue. A virtuous circle of sorts in that I am encouraged to document my own failings even though I am aware of the consequences, because if I don't there is a very good chance that the next spanking session will be increased to cover the omission.

 

She is a big fan of the new approach and she enjoys matching my journal view of my behavior with her own recollections. She also feels that it takes some of the pressure off her in deciding if/when a spanking is due. It helps me in that I dislike the delay & uncertainty between offense & punishment - if punishment is due then I am always keen to get it over and done with. My behavior has definitely been better for the past few weeks, mainly because I now feel that if I misbehave I have to submit a 'confession'.

 

As I said, in theory tattling on myself does leave me in control. Yet, what TB says resonates with me.  The plain fact is, one reason I don’t ask for a spanking even when I know I deserve or “need” one is because doing so ramps up the feeling of vulnerability. At the time, it certainly doesn't leave me feeling like I'm in control. And, I can see his wife’s point about how it takes some of the pressure off her to decide whether a spanking is due.

 

How do the wives feel about this?  Is the husband’s confession and/or asking for a deserved spanking empowering to you?  In your mind, does it show an increased level of acceptance of your authority over him? Does it take away some of the decision-making pressure? Or, does it leave him with too much control over the whole process?

 

That’s all I have for this week.  Have a fun and safe Halloween!

 

The Club - Meeting 456 - Costs and Benefits of Disciplinary Spankings and FLR Relationships

“Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes.” ― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and Female Led (FLR) relationships.

 

Before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers, if they still exist, to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. While I’ve always said the blog is open to both men and women, one of our commenters suggested I expressly invite our female readers to join the discussion.  try to be more expressly inviting in order to get a little more female involvement.

 

 

I hope you all had a great week.  We were on the road, which is always a little grueling, though it was a fun trip.  There wasn’t any actual DD action during the trip, though there was one incident that illustrated Anne escalating her strictness—or at least her threats—steadily.

 

It was on the last day of the trip, and we were pushing through a long drive home.  Anne has a problem with “back seat driving,” and it was on fully display that day after taking a hiatus for a while. She kept “reminding” me of the speed limit, even though while I often was speeding, it was basically just going with the flow of at least the faster traffic.  I started throwing unmistakable signals that the “reminders” were getting on my nerves.  She responded with something along the lines of, “Fine.  You can drive whatever speed you want.  But, if you get a ticket, I’m going to spank your ass hard every single day for a week.”

 

How did I respond?  I slowed down, reluctantly and resentfully.  Not to the speed limit, of course, but to a speed that was pretty unlikely to get me ticketed.

 

 

So, her threat worked, even if to me it does seem kind of like cutting off your nose to spite your face, since the only thing slowing down really accomplished was to get us home even later.  But, in the end, she got what she wanted.

 

It also seemed to me to illustrate something about “threat” and “warnings.”  I’m not really sure whether in those circumstances a threat of a single spanking would have caused me to slow down much. The odds of getting a ticket weren’t particularly high, and a single spanking might have been an insufficient threat. But, when she raised the stakes dramatically to a full week of daily spankings, THAT got my attention. 

 

Something else that might have worked would be had she threatened to give me an immediate spanking in the car.  Severity, in the form of not just one or two but multiple spankings, clearly got my attention, and immediacy might have done the same.  Without out one or both of those, I’m not really sure if my compliance would have been the same.  But, something that seems to be changing this year is her determination to ramp up the punishment to whatever is required.

 

Anyway, thanks to everyone for keeping the conversation going again.  I almost didn’t post again today.  I just wasn’t in the mood and wasn’t feeling the inspiration. But, I felt like not posting was becoming a habit.  So, I looked at some of the recent topic suggestions and started thinking about how to approach it.  Within a few minutes, I went from being not in a DD mood at all to thinking about how, even though I was pretty good on our trip, there certainly were certain things that happened during the week that might merit a session over her knee.

 

The topic I landed on was a very straightforward and simple one from Norton. A couple of weeks ago, he suggested:

 

It occurs to me, since I just wrote about it, that another topic could be about the benefits and costs for you and your wife practicing this kind of lifestyle.

 

While we have comments about costs and benefits of these lifestyles virtually every week, sometimes it’s good to give these “big picture” issues some focused attention. I also think that while we often talk about the benefits of DD, we don’t often talk about what it costs, and we often seem to assume that it has no costs for our wives.  So, let’s talk a bit directly about our respective cost-benefit analyses.

 

For me, the primary benefit of domestic discipline lies in establishing boundaries and guardrails, which I’m not always great at imposing on myself.  I readily admit that I have a personality that is prone to excesses.   

 

 

And, I don’t always do a good job of anticipating more abstract consequences.  Kind of like our “discussion” about my speeding during our trip.  Anne calculated the odds of getting caught differently than I did, and then she amped up the possible consequences way beyond the monetary cost of a speeding ticket.

 

Relatedly, having someone impose boundaries and guardrails balances me out emotionally.  A personality that gravitates toward extremes can be inherently stressful and intense.  I am convinced that our close to 20 years of DD has done at least as much to help bring some balance to my psyche as meditation ever has.  It’s probably no coincidence that I discovered both DD and mindfulness meditation at about the same point in my life as, for me, they address much the same temperamental and personality issues.

 

Then there is the erotic feelings that DD arouses.  While in most of my life I am about as anti-authoritarian as you are ever going to encounter, there clearly is some part of me that gravitates HARD toward a maternal style of imposed discipline and toward being taken outside of my comfort zone.  Near the end of last week’s topic, ZM, GH and I talked a little about the need for “authenticity” and how, for me, that means I have a strong desire to be taken to a mental/emotional state where I am not in control and where someone else decides what consequences I will face for behavior that they THEY decide is an issue. 

 

The speeding thing is, again, a great example.  I did not see the speeding as a problem and, frankly, still don’t. But, Anne decided that it was a problem for her, and then she figured out how to MAKE it a problem for me.  Did I like her decision?  Definitely not in the moment. I resented it and continued to resent it every mile for the rest of that trip – miles in which I complied with her wishes about appropriate speed not because I agreed with her but because she laid down a rule in a way that demonstrated that she didn’t really care whether I agreed with her or not.

 

At its core, there is something incredibly parental about your spouse deciding for you what you will care about and being willing to make you pay a painful price if you do not accept the rule they have laid down.

 

Indirectly, I’m sure that over the years I’ve benefited from DD in the form of better physical and mental health. Given some of my excesses, had trends from 20 years ago continued unchecked, it probably wouldn’t have been pretty.

 

So, are there costs associated with DD?  Of course there are, and for me they tend to be the flipside of the benefits that both Anne and I receive.

 

I ran across the captioned spanking meme just a few days ago, and it seemed to me to sum up very succinctly the paradox of the cost-benefit trade-offs these relationships entail:

 

 

This year in particular, as Anne has ramped up her control, it’s been driven home to me over and over again that when I’m liking our regimen the least is exactly when it is doing its best work. There have been multiple times over this year when she’s given me a hard lecture and harder spanking that I really, truly did not want or sometimes even agree with.

 

But, the ill feelings those brought out at the time were the also the closest I’ve come to the “authenticity” ZM talked about last week.  Those incidents were authentic precisely because, at least at the time, there was nothing erotic about them and, instead, they represented instances of her imposing her will at times or in ways when I very much did not like it.  In fact, authenticity is perhaps the most real “cost” that “real” DD imposes, even if it is simultaneously something many of us crave.

 

There is also a cost to me that varies directly in proportion to one of the biggest benefits Anne receives, namely the ability to communicate to me directly and concretely her dissatisfaction.

 

 

I do get a better sense of balance and psychic well-being from having guardrails imposed. There also are psychic benefits involved in behaving better and not causing problems for myself.  But, the cost of that improvement is the most straightforward cost of all – hard, painful punishments that lead me to want to walk the straight and narrow more often.

 

Perhaps the hardest “cost” associated with the more FLR-oriented aspects of our relationship is being truly, genuinely, kept under someone else’s control and being subject to their decision-making authority. It all is fodder for so many fantasies . . . right up until she exercises her authority in a way you truly do not like.

 

 

Even my fantasies of being taken far beyond what I think I can take, and in a way that feels as close as we can get to non-consensual, have the inevitable cost of, by definition, being taken there by virtue of her decision, not mine.

 

 Anne obviously gets the benefits of having a better-behaved husband and getting her way more often. But, are there costs?  I’m sure there are or have been in the past.

 

Anne was one of those wives who took to the DD relationship I asked for far easier than I feared she might.  Still, I think it took a while before she really embraced the authority and power. Today, I suspect this captioned meme sums up how she feels most of the time:

 

 

She has told me that she gets off giving me orders or imposing limits, especially when my reaction makes it clear that I really dislike complying.  I also think that, while she is not a sadist, she gets that spankings must hurt to be effective and, for that reason, she wants them to hurt.  I think she probably gets off on the whole thing more than she sometimes lets on, and I know she gets off on making me feel nervous and vulnerable. 

 

I do think one cost associated with exercising control is learning to lead and to do so responsibly.  It’s not easy being in charge, even if it may have a lot of benefits.  I suspect it sometimes seems like a duty or obligation.

 

 

I do know that she sometimes struggles with the simple logistics of figuring out how to make time for a spanking in the midst of a busy day.  She’s told me that when she does think of DD, it’s often in the context of figuring out when to announce one is coming and how to fit it into whatever else she has going on.

 

How about you? What benefits do you get from your DD and FLR relationships? What are the costs involved? 

 

Ladies, what benefits do you get from imposing painful consequences on your husband or from exercising more authority than you might in a traditional marriage? Are there costs associated with those benefits, or is it all upside?  If there are trade-offs, are they worth it?

 

Have a great week.

 

 

No New Post This Week (Probably)

Hi all.  I hope you all had a good week. Thanks for your insightful comments on crying, among other things.

Anne and I just got back from a trip, and I find myself lacking both energy and inspiration.  Therefore, I don't have a topic in mind for this week.  If there is anything any of you would like to discuss, feel free to try to get a topic rolling.

The Club - Meeting 455 - Verbalizing, Tears, Letting Go and Accepting One's Place

"I was better after I had cried, than before--more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.” - Charles Dickens from Great Expectations

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships.

 

Before we get started, I would again like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. It’s been too long since we heard from women who are either in F/m domestic discipline or Female Led Relationships, or positively interested in it.  Please think about joining in.

 

 

Can I just say, I really, really love this time of year!  Other than Christmas, Halloween is my favorite holiday, and I just love this entire season.  I spent yesterday afternoon putting up Halloween lawn decorations, though the woman across the street beat me to it, as usual.  Unfortunately, our travel early in the month threw me off a bit, and I feel like I’m a little late to the party. And, there is still work left to do, like getting pumpkins.

 

 

Speaking of being late, just an FYI, we are traveling again later this week and won’t be back until early next week.  I do plan to post but probably won’t get to it until Tuesday.  I know that my posting schedule is getting less predictable, but I think that’s likely to be the new norm. My post-retirement schedule is more flexible, but we finally seem to be getting into a more adventurous groove in which more of that flexible time is spent traveling, which means blogging will be fitted in more flexibly, though hopefully without a big drop in frequency.

 

I thought we had a good discussion last week about telling others about our DD relationships.  Though, Alan kind of summed up my own thoughts, and added some “what if” food for thought/fantasy:

 

I am somewhat surprised by the comments indicating reluctance or reticence in discussing TTWD with other males who have been identified as in, experiencing or otherwise understanding or understanding F/M discipline. In fact, one of my unfulfilled fantasies is to be seriously disciplined together with another male under female authority his wife and my wife both acting as independent disciplinarians.

 

There are probably many causes of this fantasy including seeing how another DD couple handle discipline But I think a major reason for the fantasy is the opportunity to have conversation and possibly friendship with a male who has the same emotions, desires and experiences I have had. I have shared much of that with my wife (and earlier with my former GF) but seeing another male under discipline or him seeing me might presage an openness and vulnerability very different from that experienced with the opposite sex.

 

This may be one of those fantasies better left in fantasia. And if it actually was fulfilled, the experience could be very different from the fantasy. However, I think the benefits of being in face to face, person to person zoom-less connection with another male under his wife’s authority would end up a very positive experience.

 

I share some of Alan’s surprise that, while some were open to telling others about this lifestyle, there was also a lot of resistance to talking openly to anyone about it, particularly other males.  Admittedly, while I’m open to it in theory, in practice I haven’t done much to open myself up that way.   

 

It’s also probably one reason why I haven’t tried more diligently to try to morph this group into something more truly DWC-like. I’m not quite sure how Aunt Kay, Jerry and others built a real face-to-face community around this thing we do, when so many of us are so resistant to that kind of openness, but somehow they did. Maybe it was just a more open, experimental time?  On the surface, we’ve become more tolerant of kink, but so much of it is consumed on-line.  Maybe solo access actually inhibits group participation?  Hard to say.

 

This week’s topic extends, for me, from one of ZM’s comments last week regarding “memorable” spankings:

 

Another very significant and memorable one was when she spanked me to tears. She has spanked me sort-of to tears other times, where I was on the verge or perhaps beginning to cry, but this one was different. I had had several bouts of bad attitude, and she informed me beforehand that I was going to be spanked, and it would continue until I was in tears. The combination of her telling me beforehand that the spanking would only end with me in tears, a horrible Delrin cane, and her employing the diaper position definitely did the trick. She stopped spanking shortly after I began crying. She said she would have liked to go longer, but it was hard to see me cry. I kind of have a feeling that if we get to this point again, she would be more comfortable pressing on with it.

 

While he’s related that story before, it came up in a conversation between Anne and I, and it could lead to another of those milestone moments.  Maybe.

 

 

A couple of weeks ago, some of us here posted spanking videos that seemed sort of plausible or similar to the kind of disciplinary spankings we received. Something that jumped out at me was that most of the recipients were a lot more vocal than I am while being spanked.

 

When being spanked, I definitely trend toward the stoic end of the spectrum. While I do exclaim, gasp, and groan, I don’t really use words.  I don’t say how hard it hurts, or how I can’t take it, or ask her to stop.

 

Some women may like it that way.  In fact, one of the first stories I ever read on the Disciplinary Wives Club website, entitled Pretty Legs II, involved one disciplinary wife disciplining another wife’s husband and becoming exasperated that he was “crying and begging for mercy” and couldn’t “even take his spanking like a man.”

 

Yet, while vocalizing may on the surface seem like a form of resistance, I think on some level trying to stay stoic is, at least for me, absolutely a subtle way of resisting authority. 

 

One of my biggest emotional attractions to domestic discipline was the prospect of having to give up control but, the reality is, twenty years into this I still find ways to maintain that control, and one of them probably is trying to “man up” while being spanked.  As long as I don’t vocalize how badly it hurts and how much I wish it would stop or, worse yet, let her bring me to tears, then I’m not really giving in to it.  It’s a very subtle form of control, but control nonetheless.  

 

ZM’s post came up in my conversation with Anne, because after the “videos” post I told her that I was thinking about trying to let myself go verbally a bit during, and maybe even before spankings.  It could take many forms. Maybe, instead of trying to delay spankings in my usually passive way, I come right out and ask tell her I’m afraid to be spanked and ask her not to. As long as she knows that she absolutely should NOT let me out of it, it allows me to own up more to what I’m actually feeling and gives her a chance to express her authority by reinforcing verbally that I am, in fact, going to be spanked whether I like it or not.

 

Similarly, crying out during a spanking about how much it hurts, telling her I can’t take any more, begging her to stop, all might be more honest and open than my usual stoicism, while again giving her a chance to take more demand by not giving into my pleas and, in fact, letting me know that it’s going to keep going and going.

 

Anne’s reaction to the prospect of me being more verbal was quite positive. She said it would be an indication that she was doing a really good job and that I was really learning a lesson.

 

 She also said that she thought it would help humble me. I asked whether that was one of her express goals, and she didn't hesitate in saying that it is.

 

Which brought us to . . . crying.  There have been times I have gotten close to real tears, but I always “man up” in the end.  ZM’s wife got around that by making it clear that the spanking would not be over until he cried real tears.

 

Anne has never given me that kind of ultimatum.  In fact, I’ve always gotten the sense that she was kind of reluctant to take me to that point, maybe because of her own reaction.

 

This time, however, when I talked about ZM’s story, including that his wife did find it hard to see him cry, she seemed much more open to it.  She said she wasn’t sure whether she would, in fact, find it that hard to see me cry as long as she thought the conduct that led to the spanking merited a spanking to tears.   

 

 

She acknowledged that, given the way I’m wired, an “until you cry real tears” spanking could take a LONG time, possibly involving an hours-long effort with multiple sessions separated by breaks for any numbing to recede.  I acknowledged that might be the case, though I’m not sure it necessarily would.  I think if she were to emulate ZM’s wife and announce up front that it would go on and on and on until I cried real tears, that might cut off my “man up” instincts in their tracks. 

 

The odd thing is, none of this seemed to phase her, while she used to be quite skittish about the subject What has changed? I’m not sure, but overall she just seems less concerned than she used to be about me suffering substantial embarrassment or other negative consequences on top of the spankings.  A lot of the memes I see about embarrassment and crying involve the wife assuring the husband that it's not something to be embarrassed about.

I don't think that's Anne's present attitude at all.  Instead, I think maybe she's inching toward become more like KOJ's wife (I miss him, by the way) who, in retirement, started caring less and less about asserting her authority openly even if it embarrassed him. To the point of taking him to a private room for a spanking during a busy party.

 

It’s in-line with, for example Anne's sudden determination to leave window shades open when spanking. For some reason, she’s simply stopped caring as much if someone sees and I get embarrassed. 

 

Or, if she lectures me strongly and I get embarrassed or temporarily resentful. 

 

Or, if she gives me a much harder spanking than I think the situation deserved (as happened a few days ago). 

 

Or, possible, if she spanks me until I cry mortifying tears.

 

I did tell her that we both might need to be prepared that bringing me to real tears, after all these years of DD, might work a really fundamental change in our relationship that might be hard to predict in advance. I told her that I can’t imagine that it wouldn’t leave me feeling like there was a very substantial shift in the hierarchy, with me feeling in a very concrete way that my position was firmly under her.

 

We’ve talked a lot about tears in this forum over the years, and people can respond to this post with any thoughts they may have about the subject. But, I hope at least a few people who have experienced it can tell me, am I right to assume that letting go and really crying during a spanking is, in fact, humbling on a whole different level? That it likely will reset the power dynamic in a pretty fundamental way?  That the relationship likely will feel fundamentally different afterward, with her more firmly in charge? Is it likely to make the spanking feel even more maternal?

 

If any of our female readers are inclined to weigh in, have you experienced your husband crying real tears from a spanking? What was your emotional reaction to that?  Is it something you wanted to happen?  Is it maybe even a turn-on to do it, or to consider doing it? If it hasn’t happened, do you want it to?

 

  

Have a great week, and happy October!

The Club - Meeting 454 - Telling Others and How Most Recent Spankings Compare

If we are not ashamed to think it, we should not be ashamed to say it. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships.

 

Before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers, if they still exist, to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. While I’ve always said the blog is open to both men and women, one of our commenters suggested I expressly invite our female readers to join the discussion.  try to be more expressly inviting in order to get a little more female involvement.

 

I hope you all had a great week during my absence. We were traveling, which usually is a virtual guarantee that I’m in for a spanking, since any form of travel seems to bring out the worst it me.   

 

 

This time, somehow I managed to keep my worst impulses in check, other than drinking too much but that was kind of the nature of the get-together.  I felt like I not only did better than usual, but Anne actually got to see a husband who shared basically my worst behaviors, but a couple of orders of magnitude worse. I guess if you want to look thin, sometimes it’s good to stand next to fat people. . .

 

Great job to everyone in keeping the conversation going with any help from me. I actually did see many of the comments as they were posted, but I didn’t have a lot of time to respond.  I posted a few responses today, in case anyone is interested.

 

In general, it struck me that we have multiple members who have been in this lifestyle awhile, yet their wives are suddenly stepping up their level of strictness and control.  I’m very interested in hearing details about those continuing developments. 

 

Earlier today, Norton suggested this as a topic:

 

One idea I had was to talk about what has happened when you tried to explain your DD relationship with others. I have never had any luck doing that, and it really backfired when I tried to share it with my therapist. The fact that DD has made me so much more balanced and happier in my life would make it seem like she would want to know about how it worked. Instead, it was evident she was completely clueless about DD, and was mostly concerned for my safety. She was hopeful that someday I might evolve from this desire to be spanked, which made me regret ever bringing it up. When I have dropped hints with friends, they don't seem remotely curious, so I no longer even try. Have you had any luck trying to share your lifestyle with others? That is just the first thing that came to mind, but if you have other suggestions for a topic, please put them up.

 

Alan also suggested an expanded scope for last week’s impromptu topic, but it came late in the week and didn’t get a lot of response:

 

Let's expand this scope also to include:

1. the most memorable spanking you have received

2. and the first real disciplinary spanking.

3. How do those compare to the last spanking received

 

So, let’s do both of those.  I’ll take a shot at Norton’s first.

 

As a preliminary matter, it seems to assume that others commonly do try to explain their DD relationship to others, but I have big doubts about whether that actually does happen very often.  If anything, we males on the receiving end of a DD relationship seem to be very reticent about sharing our experiences. 

 

My supposition that it’s not common gets some indirect support from my collection of spanking arts and memes.  I can find examples here and there of wives sharing, or threatening to share, details of the relationship with their girlfriends.  I have a handful with one of the wife’s friends or family teasing the husband about his status. But, I don’t seem to have a single good example depicting a man telling someone about his DD/spanked status.

 

As for me, I have told exactly one person to date.  I describe her reaction as sort of “polite disinterest.”  At first, I think she was somewhat intrigued, because it was a very new concept, and here was her fairly Alpha male friend telling her he was actively engaged in something seemingly very un-Alpha.  Anne also talked to this same friend about it and shared some intimate details.  This initial sharing happened several years ago, and it has come up from time to time since then. I think she’s interested in it in the same way most of us are interested in what is going on in our friends’ lives.  But, it’s something that I don’t think resonates with her on a personal level. 

 

For a while, I saw an acupuncturist who was very “holistic” in her approach, beginning each session with probing questions about things going on in my life that might be impacting my well-being. I thought about telling her some details about our DD practice, but I ultimately decided not to. I think her reaction would have been similar to Norton’s therapist.  She had made comments about how I tend to do everything to an extreme, and I think she probably would have seen DD as taking a normal need for accountability and self-improvement to an abnormal level.

 

How about you?  Have you tried to explain your DD need or details about your DD relationship to anyone? For the ladies, have you told any friends or relatives that you give your husband disciplinary spankings? How did those conversations work out?

 

Regarding Alan’s questions:

 

When it comes to “memorable” spankings, the odd thing is that I don’t really remember much about any spanking with respect to the spanking itself.  (A form of amnesia that probably is common and explains why so many of us keep coming back for more.) 

 

 

“Memorable” spankings for me tend to be about what led to them, or how the circumstances indicated some fundamental change in the relationship.  Examples might include:

 

·      the first time she made me come home from work for a spanking, and the anxiety I felt every minute of that 20-minute drive

·      the first time she gave me a very harsh spanking for forgetting a chore, as it showed a level of control and strictness that she hadn’t really displayed up ‘til then

·      the first time she spanked me during the day, with the window shades open, as it showed an increasingly cavalier willingness to display her own authority

 

I don’t really recall very much about that very first “disciplinary” spanking, perhaps because it turned out not be all that disciplinary. I had proposed DD to her a couple of days earlier, and after reviewing the Disciplinary Wives Club website, she told me to go buy a brush. I did, but it was the flimsy kind of thing you see in most hair salons.  We decided to do our first spanking that night, largely so we wouldn’t back out of the whole thing. Neither one of us really knew what we were doing, and the combination of the flimsy brush and the OTK position left me feeling not-so-disciplined.

 

The first spanking I really remember with clarity was the first one in which a system we used early on to tally up a minimum number of swats based on various behaviors added up to 65 swats with the fraternity-style paddle. I hadn’t taken anything remotely close to that many up to that point. I recall two things about that spanking.  First, my stunned reaction when I told her I didn’t think I could take that many and she replied that, if that was the case, I shouldn’t have committed the infractions and that I would be taking that many.  Second, I recall being left very, very sore and very, very bruised.

 

 

How do those early and most memorbable spankings differ from our most recent one? I would say our most recent one was pretty memorable in that it was done in a different room and she initially wanted to leave the blinds open even though that room faces neighbors we know well. Once again, it was the surrounding circumstances and not the spanking itself that was memorable.  In terms of how the intensity has changed, I can just copy and paste ZM’s answer from last week:

 

“In terms of severity, my wife obviously spanks much harder and longer than she did in the beginning, but I would say this actually peaked a few years ago and dropped off some. Recently, she seems to be taking the severity a bit higher.”

 

How would you answer Alan’s questions?  What was your most memorable spanking received or given?  What was the first disciplinary you received or gave like?  How does your most recent spanking compare?

 

I hope you have a great week.