Tuesday, November 30, 2021

The Club - Meeting 389 - Multiple Offenses

When you don't respond to bad behavior, you get more of it. - Carly Fiorina


Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships.



I hope you all had a great week and, for those of you from the U.S., a nice Thanksgiving.  Ours was pretty easygoing, with lots of family and too much food.  It definitely left me with some added pounds to work off, though I find the limits on what I can achieve with short-term dieting gets harder and harder.  



We also had some unseasonably warm weather before and after Thanksgiving, which we took advantage of by getting a big head start on putting up Christmas decorations.  We seemed to be the exception in getting such an early start.  Our neighborhood seemed to put a lot of energy into holiday light and decoration displays last year, almost certainly because the Covid lockdowns left people with an abundance of time at home and a desire for whatever connection and community they could foster.  I assume we may get a rebound effect this year, with people spending more time actually socializing and doing in-person shopping.  Anyway, regardless of how it plays out, Christmas is by far my favorite holiday, and I look forward to it in whatever form it plays out.


 Some recent updates from JR provided me with some inspiration for this week’s post, though it had been on my mind since Caged Lion posted on a related theme a few weeks ago.  In discussing delays in punishment, Caged Lion also observed with respect to multiple offenses:


Busy lives don't get in the way with us. I'm informed that I've broken a rule. The spanking is administered the first evening it's convenient for my wife.Zero tolerance means punishing each time an offense occurs, not when the punishment is administered. She follows the DWC technique to handle multiple offenses. The first offense earns 10 minutes of spanking. If I manage to rack up more offenses before my next spanking, five minutes is added for each one. I am very careful to avoid having more time added.



 A couple of weeks ago, JR also raised the issue of what happens with respect to multiple instances of bad behavior that happen close in time. 


Dev and I have been on vacation the past couple weeks. I was given a pretty hard spanking prior to leaving to keep me from getting out of line. I heard her say one. Then another time two. Three and four. I finally asked what she was talking about. ? She said I’ve earned four hard spankings when we arrive home in a few days. These are not erotic in any way and I dread them. I apologized for ev merything and all was well again but she said the spankings will still be given. I’m afraid she might do them all the same day. We arrive home Tuesday. I’ve never had this situation before and genuinely concerned.


A few days ago, he provided this update:


This is just a follow up to my post last week. Due to my behavior on vacation, Dev said I was to get 4 spankings when we got home. We got in late Tuesday nite. Nothing was said Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. I thought all was forgotten. On Saturday she said all four would be given that day in four hr intervals. At 10 am she called me into the kitchen where she was sitting holding her monogeny spenser paddle. All she said was “ do you know why I was getting this spanking “? I said yes ma’am got into position and paddling was given. I set my phone to record the sound. It was firm and moderately paced. I looked at the phone and it lasted 7 minutes. It hurt and I rated it a 5. At 2:00 it was the exact same thing. Lasted almost seven minutes but I rated it a 5.5. 6:00 was another carbon copy only my bottom was sore and it was a 6.5. The final one was given at 10 pm. Only this time she was waiting in the living room holding the leather tawse. This has only been used twice and for severe cases. She said we should do this out in the “ woodshed “ but it’s cold here so it was done inside. She told me to take my pants down and bend over the arm of the couch. She asked if I was ready and the whipping began. This was electrifying and not in a good way. One landed a bit high and I jumped up. She said if I moved again she’d start over. I buried my head in a pillow to muffle my screams. When she stopped it only lasted 5 minutes and I rated it an 8.5 ! She smiled and gave me a hug and said all was ok again.



How do you address multiple offenses in your relationship?  Are there any special rules or procedures that apply?  If there are a series of offenses coming close together in time, does that result in a harder spanking?  A longer spanking? Multiple spankings, one for each offense?  If the result is multiple spankings, are they delivered during a single session, or over some longer period of time?


We played with the idea of multiple spankings a couple of years ago, but not consistently enough that it really took hold.  Which probably is a mistake on Anne’s part in terms of really addressing bad behavior, because I do think that sometimes I can be more cavalier about new offenses when I know I’m going to be spanked already for an earlier one.  I do try not to have that attitude, but I’d be lying if I said that it doesn’t sometimes cross my mind that I’m already going to be spanked, so why not just do whatever I want between now and that spanking?  It does seem like there needs to be some kind of additional sanction for the new behavior.



For us, I don’t think increasing the severity would really resolve the issue, because almost all her spankings are already quite hard.  Spanking longer during one session would be an option, though there are some limitations to that approach, including that my butt tends to go numb after a few minutes of vigorous paddling.  Therefore, it does seem like the most effective option would be go make sure that each offense is addresses with a separate spanking, or a separate non-spanking punishment, with breaks in between sessions.  Because we haven’t experimented with this that much, I don’t have a strong opinion on whether multiple spankings on one day, such as J.R. experienced, would be the most effective, or perhaps spankings spread out over two or three days.  What are your thoughts?


Have a great week.  Get those booster shots!



Tuesday, November 23, 2021

Happy Thanksgiving


Hello all.  I hope that those of you in the U.S. are having or will have some relaxing time off with family and friends over this Thanksgiving week.  Looking at things from the perspective of last Thanksgiving to this one, I have a lot to be thankful for. Last year, for the first time in decades we couldn't spend time with any of our extended family or travel to any fun vacation destinations. This year, we're trying to juggle how to get together with two sets of grandparents and several of our extended family, along with checking in with some friends we haven't seen in way too long.  Last year we lost a member of our extended family shortly before the holidays, along with not one, not two, but three very long-term pets.  


This year, despite Covid's ongoing global rampage, all of our family and friends are arriving at Thanksgiving safely and we've spent a year going through the welcome aggravation of training a couple of Covid rescue puppies.  This time last year I was going through a chronic physical problem that finally resulted in a major surgery.  This year I've been climbing mountains and moving heavy weights in the gym.  I'll probably repeat this recap in greater detail around Christmas, since for some reason I tend to measure my yearly progress from one Christmas to the next, but even though I've never really been that into Thanksgiving, I do recognize that after the global train wreck that was 2020, I have a lot to be thankful for this year. I hope you do was well and that you enjoy whatever time you get with friends and family. If you're traveling, be safe.

 Happy Thanksgiving.



Friday, November 19, 2021

Love Our Lifestyle (and our Lurkers)


Hello all.  Welcome to Love Our Lifestyle day. And, thanks to Hermione at https://hermionesheart.blogspot.com for “hosting.”  As she says, “Today we celebrate our lifestyle. We didn't choose it; it chose us, and we embrace it wholeheartedly.”


The longer I write this blog, the more confident I am that Hermione is right that this lifestyle chose us, we didn’t choose it.  Logically, who would?  Why get spanked when you could just get away with stuff?  And yet . . .



I would also like to give a shout-out to the previous iteration of today’s celebration - Love Our Lurkers. It’s been a little slow here in terms of adding new members to our little club.  If you stop by regularly but seldom comment, why not give it a try?  In this year of Ted Lasso, we all seem to be craving a sense of community.  So, why not join this community of unconventional people? Come on, give it a try.


And, for our regulars, thank you for your ongoing support and participation.  You have indeed become a community that means a lot to me.

Tuesday, November 9, 2021

The Club - Meeting 388 - Really Not Wanting One

"It is wrong and immoral to seek to escape the consequences of one's acts." ― Mahatma Gandhi


Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships.


I hope you had a good week.  Ours seemed to be a little better than the week before, which may be the best we can hope for after a couple of months that were just exceptionally hard.


This was one of those weeks where I’m reminded that the more things change, the more they stay the same.  It’s true on the national front.*



And also on the personal.  I’ve been pretty proud at how much some things have improved over the last year. My physical health, strength and stamina are way up as compared to a year ago.  My stress level is down.  It hasn’t been a super productive year, but that’s part of the process – learning to slow down and smell the roses more often.  Generally, it’s been a good trip and a good destination. Yet . . . every once in a while, old habits get the better of me.  It happened over the weekend, and Anne and I ended up in a very unnecessary tiff.  About two years ago, we had a similar incident in which she tried to yank on the reins and it led not to compliance but, rather, to resentment and even some questioning on my part about whether the whole DD and FLR thing is for me at this point in life.


Deep in my heart, I know it’s a fairly pointless question that pops into my mind when, and only when, I’m getting more or less exactly what I’ve asked for.  It’s also a now well-worn path that whenever I think that my behavior and attitude have improved enough that maybe I just don’t need DD  anymore, something happens that demonstrates beyond any real doubt that my efforts at self-imposing boundaries just aren’t lasting enough and require some external buttressing. 


Though, there is one big difference between this time and the previous incident I’m thinking of, which I told this group about, here: https://disciplinedhubbies.blogspot.com/2019/06/the-club-meeting-299-be-careful-what.html.  Last time, my angst was really about the FLR aspect of our relationship, i.e. being controlled in a preventative way.  Not about the discipline/spanking side of the relationship, i.e. being punished after the fact.  This time, it’s different, and I’m not entirely sure why.



It’s not at all unusual for any of us to want to avoid a hard spanking once we’ve earned one, but for some reason this time I really wanted to avoid it.  I kept hoping that somehow it wouldn’t happen, even though I suspected it would.



It’s not like I haven’t been spanked before, hard and relatively often over the years.  Yet, this time I didn’t just want to avoid one; I had a real aversion to it.  I can’t quite put my finger on what was different this time, but I think maybe it has to do with already feeling real regret about the behavior. Most of the time, after I know I’ve stepped out of line, I regret the bad behavior, but it’s a relatively mild regret.  Kind of like punishing yourself for breaking a diet by running some extra miles the next day. It’s not pleasant, but it’s part of the self-discipline process.  This time, I think my own sense of regret and genuine remorse is strong enough that I really don’t need the external correction. It feels unnecessary.  Superfluous.


I think another thing feeding the aversion is the lack of any erotic desire for it.  ZM, Alan and others have talked about how the erotic element of the spanking need feeds the disciplinary aspect of their relationships. The need for discipline is very real.  Not just a kink, yet the energy of the kink does somehow make the discipline not only tolerable but desirable. This time, I really do feel sorry about my behavior, and the externally imposed consequences aren’t feeding any kind of erotic impulse.  But, of course, my feelings regarding the relevance of my remorse aren’t the only ones that count.



So, does this boil down to just wanting to avoid the natural and foreseeable consequences of some bad behavior? It doesn’t really feel that way. It feels more complicated than that, including a genuine feeling that unlike last time, Anne sort of did encourage some of what lead to behavior that got excessive later. 


Have a great week.

 *Note, I liked the first meme in this post because of the captioning that seems pretty dead-on to me regarding much of the faux outrage of teaching the history of race and racial relations in our public school. But, most may not realize that the subsequent history of that picture is also a tale of redemption and growth. A few years ago, I got curious about whether there was any publicly known history on the white woman in the picture who has such a look of hatred on her face.  I actually found an article about her and how she was raised in an extremely racist family, but she later repented and reformed, and she's talked about how much it pains her that she will forever be associated with that face of hatred.  So, not all history that is uncomfortable is inherently divisive, and people often shouldn't be judged by the worst thing they've ever done.