His Spanking - Her Satisfaction/Pleasure/Fulfillment (Club Meeting - 542)

 “To exact revenge for yourself or your friends is not only a right, it's an absolute duty.” -Stieg Larsson

 Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you all had a great week. Mine was, once again, pretty uneventful.  Trips to the gym.  Physical therapy.  Some hikes in the woods. And, despite all the physical activity, disappointment at how freaking hard it is to get the number on the scale to start heading down in a meaningful way.  Sigh.

 

Thanks for the positive feedback on the changes to the blog. I hope that the inclusion of DWC materials, and my updates to my own Tips & Methods section, makes the blog more useful as a centralized resource for those exploring this lifestyle for the first time.

 

As for last week’s post, although we didn’t get a huge number of comments, there were some good ones on spanking when angry.  I think my primary takeaway from it was that, while most wives don’t routinely spank in anger, when they do we tend to really remember it.  There clearly is an emotional power in her anger that gets transmitted into our minds through our bottoms.

 

It also seems to be the case that anger can free the wife to give the kind of spanking the behavior deserves. As TB noted:

 

The few times she has punished me in the heat of anger have been truly memorable. The emotion seems to fuel her strength and determination, whilst making her even more oblivious to my discomfort.

 

The commenter going by DD concurred regarding how anger often results, perhaps unsurprisingly, in a much longer and harder spanking:

 

“My wife spanks me angry routinely. When she is upset the spankings are worse but deserved. I will usually get a much longer and more intense verbal dressing down before and during the spanking when she is upset and spanks in the moment. They definitely help her burn off the anger. She is usually not angry anymore 5-10 minute after the spanking ends. She has also spanked me a few times when I was angry/upset and it definitely fixed my attitude as well.”

 

 

The other big takeaway was that when women do spank in anger, it does seem to result in a kind of catharsis for them. Further, the anger seems to be a gateway for some women to make a transition from seeing DD as something done exclusively for his benefit, to something that serves her emotional interests as well.  This was illustrated in this comment from Mike:

 

“I’m pretty late to the discussion, but I want to share my own experience regarding anger. Normally, my wife spanks me about once a month to deal with all my misdemeanors from the previous month. Because so much time has usually passed between the transgressions and the spanking, there’s no real emotion on her side. She doesn’t like spanking me, so it’s fairly clinical and not as severe as it could—or perhaps should—be.

 

A few months ago, though, we had an instance where we got into a big fight in the morning and she was genuinely upset with me. The kids weren’t awake yet, so she ordered me to the basement and started spanking me OTK with her hand. She was livid and really letting me have it. She had me change sides twice because her hand hurt and she needed to use the other one. The whole time, she was telling me how lucky I was that she’d forgotten the paddle upstairs.

 

The spanking itself wasn’t that bad since she only used her hand—I’ve had worse—but the emotional effect was very different. I felt that, in that moment, she was spanking me because she wanted to, not because she felt obligated to. Afterwards, she told me she actually felt a lot better and that the issue was settled (her hand was still red and sore while she was sitting in her work meeting later that morning).

 

So, I think that, especially for women who don’t enjoy giving spankings, anger can act as a catalyst.

  

So, given that it seems to have so many benefits—a memorable experience for him, a catharsis for her, the slate cleared, and perhaps a sense that justice was served--why does there seem to be such reluctance when it comes to spanking in anger and such a premium placed on composure and control?  MW noted one possibility:

 

"Don't spank in anger" seems like a principle from when the spanker is a man or a parent, when lack of self-control would be harmful. A typical woman can't hurt a man in the same way. Please understand I'm not speaking to the real problem of domestic violence, only commenting on a wife's relative size and power in a domestic discipline relationship.

 

It's an interesting thought.  I also suspect that we’ve all been conditioned—women in particular—to see anger as an exclusively negative emotion.

 

Similarly, aren’t we all conditioned to view concepts like retribution and revenge—also referred to, a bit more lightly, as “payback”—in a negative light?  But, should we?  If we’re honest, isn’t payback part of the benefits of DD that a Disciplinary Wife can, and perhaps should, enjoy?

 

In keeping with the spirit of Alan’s suggestion that I try to incorporate archived comments from some of our Disciplinary Wife commenters from long ago, here is something “Holly” had to say about her motivations for spanking her husband:

 

“Deterring his childish and unacceptable behavior is my reason for spanking him. It was my original reason, encouraged by my mother (appropriately), and I had reason to believe it was something he wanted too, but he was unable to admit he needed boundaries (now he readily admits it).

 

But my desire to punish him is also part of it and was probably there from the beginning. I am getting stricter with him, which means his appointments with Ms. Strap happen once or twice a month. Controlling his behavior is still what motivates me, but payback with a sound spanking is part of what I get out of it too. I guess what I am saying is—and I’m a little shocked at saying it—even if I got no behavior rewards from spanking him, I still would do it for punishment.

 

Maybe I am turning into a bitch, but men just do better with boundaries and consequences.” – Holly

 

 

One thing I always appreciated about Holly was her seeming clarity and self-awareness about her own motivations.  I sometimes wonder whether one of the biggest impediments to wives adopting Domestic Discipline readily and joyfully is reluctance to entertain some of these emotions or desires—like “payback”—out of a fear of being judged or out of a kind of deeply socialized belief that those kinds of emotions are wrong.  Yet, isn't there something very natural and human in taking some satisfaction in someone getting what they have coming?

 

 

But, it seems like the reluctance to admit to taking some pleasure in being the agent of his accountability often recedes over time and, in some cases, is replaced with candidly admitting to enjoying at least the power to spank and, in some rare cases, to enjoying the spanking itself.  Here are is a comment from former commenter “Elizabeth”, illustrating the transition from spanking as obligation to spanking as a satisfying expression of female power:

 

“This is going to sound silly, but when I started spanking my husband, I had no idea that it would give me power. I thought I was providing him a service that he had requested, not unlike ironing his shirts!

 

He identified the behaviors that he thought he should be punished for, and he confessed when he had misbehaved. I then carried out the discipline in a rather clinical way. It was not exciting for me, and I did not really think it was giving me any special authority over him. I got the benefit of his improved behavior, but no direct benefit to me.

 

Over time, however, I began to realize the power that he had offered me, and it began to change our relationship significantly and even change me personally. I became much more assertive, not just with him but in other aspects of my life. And then as our DD relationship developed, I began to exercise more power over him, such as totally controlling his drinking.

 

I began to enjoy having that power.  It wasn't erotic for me for a long time. It was just a sense of excitement, and even comfort, that I had authority that I once didn't have; that I knew he would listen to me and stop arguing when I ordered him to.

 

Over a number of years, this authority has drifted into the bedroom as well. It was always erotic for him, as his erections before and after punishment showed me from the very beginning. But now, I am much more assertive in bed, and the frequency of receiving oral sex has increased dramatically for me (on command) and decreased dramatically for him (on his birthday and our anniversary). While he initiated the idea of me being more in control in the bedroom, as has happened with virtually all our changes related to DD, I am the one who is now in charge of it. And I admit that now I do feel that there is something erotic about bossing him around and having this degree of authority over him, in and out of the bedroom.

 

I find all this very surprising but also very beneficial to our marriage.”

 

It seems like admitting that feeling empowered by DD is hard, and admitting that the empowerment is very erotic is even harder, yet some women like Elizabeth get there.  Here is a similarly candid comment from Susie; this comment being, I believe, the one time we’ve heard directly from Al’s wife:

 

“As Al has posted here before, I simply enjoy the power that being a disciplinary wife brings to me. I enjoy giving the actual spanking and his reactions, and bringing him to complete submissiveness as I spank him. Bad attitudes and arguments are settled at once, and once settled we are closer, more intimate, and more open with each other because of it. That is a huge benefit of being a Disciplinary Wife.

 

Spanking has helped him improve certain bad behaviors and habits as well but, most importantly, it has somewhat improved his tendency to be arrogant and condescending. He still has a problem with it, but there's nothing like a good butt blistering to remind him that he is not so tough after all. And it sure makes me feel better.” Susie (Al’s wife)

 

Susie is one of a very small handful of commenters who have admitted to enjoying not only the authority and power of being a Disciplinary Wife but also to enjoying the spanking itself, including .  Here is a similar admission from Danielle:

“Incidentally, the problem wasn’t a reluctance to spank on my part. On the contrary, I had started to enjoy spankings. I liked having the power to humble Wayne that way. I liked the one-sided “discussions” when he was bent over with his bottom bared. I liked deciding whether to use the paddle, the hairbrush, or the strap, and how long and hard to apply them depending on my mood and the reason for punishment. I liked the sound of the implements striking bare skin. I liked how responsive he was, physically and vocally. I think Brett is right about spanking being “a form of communication.” As such, it is a form of self-expression for the spanker.”

 

In your DD relationship, where does the Disciplinary Wife fall on the spectrum of experiencing—and admitting to experiencing—enjoyment, catharsis, satisfaction, or other positive emotions from giving a spanking or from being a spanking wife?

 

Does she see it primarily as a chore, like Elizabeth in the early days, or does she experience the kind of satisfaction Holly experienced in holding her husband accountable?

 

If she admits to some personal enjoyment or satisfaction, is it associated with the power and authority, the payback, the accountability, or with giving the spanking itself?  Some combination of these? 

 

Has her level of enjoyment or satisfaction changed over time? If so, were there particular events or circumstances that seemed to be inflection points?  Connecting this topic to last week's, was it the case that acknowledging her own anger helped nudge her from seeing spanking as a chore to getting some personal satisfaction or enjoyment out of it?

 

Alan (and maybe Glenmore?) had suggested that I interview Anne, or solicit her views, on some posts. I think I’ll try to do this for this one, but I didn’t decide on this topic soon enough to get her views before posting. If she gives me those views, I’ll either update the post or put in in the comments.  But, I’ll note for now that in the past she’s drawn a line between enjoying the process of ordering a spanking and enjoying the spanking itself.  

 

She’s said that she enjoys the whole pre-spanking process, especially ordering me to get ready for the spanking, knowing that I really don’t want one. She admits to taking pleasure in watching me comply when she orders me to go to the bedroom; coming into the bedroom and finding me standing there naked, with her tools laid out on the ottoman; and, ordering me to go over her knee and watching me do it, know what she is about to do to me.  

 

And, I do think she enjoys the whole process of leaving me anxiously anticipating what is going to happen.

 

What she’s been a little less clear about is whether she enjoys the spanking itself.  I suspect that her answer might be different today than earlier in our DD journey.

 

I look forward to your comments on this one.  Have a great week.

Spanking and Being Spanked When Angry (Club Meeting 541)

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." – Mark Twain.

 

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you had a great week. Mine was uneventful, which is actually a great thing given today’s date.  As I write this, we are 10 days into the new year, which according to conventional wisdom is about the time all those New Years resolutions fall apart, not to be referenced again for another 355 days. 

 

Yet (knock on wood), I’m still pretty much on track.  I had one day where I went out to lunch with a friend and my resolve to eat nothing fried and have zero beers feel apart. But, it wasn’t like a major fail.  I’ve worked out or done lots of hiking in the mountains every day.

 

The only downside to that is the Domestic Discipline aspect of our relationship is so off-track right now.  Between the surgery and both of us being wiped out by the flu at year-end, it’s been almost three months with it being completely off the table.  Not that I’m missing being spanked.  I’m not. But, I am missing the dynamic as a whole. 

 

But, it is, of course, inevitable that something will happen that results in me being over her knee. (Or, for the next month or so, maybe bent over the bed.)  And, I feel like we’re both finally getting back to a more normal existence, after a less-than-ideal cycle in which things just weren’t normal at all.

 

 

Things not being quite back to normal did give me some time, however, to complete a little project I’ve been thinking about for a while. If you look under the blog title and description, you’ll note some new tabs.  Upon clicking on those tabs, you’ll find a huge amount of the content from the Disciplinary Wives Club website, including Aunt Kay’s “Tips & Method”, all of the Fiction Stories, and all but a tiny number of the Real People stories.  (I left out two or three that were more like letters to Aunt Kay regarding the stuff sold in the DWC’s store or otherwise weren’t really “stories” per se.)

 

It took a lot longer than I’d anticipated to move all of it over, though some of that is my own fault. In addition to resolving all the formatting issues copying the material from the archived DWC website on the Wayback machine to Word and then into Blogger, I also couldn’t resist the temptation to read each entry and scrub or the most obvious typos and glaring grammatical problems.  After almost 30 years of editing written work product, I just couldn’t resist doing some clean up. 

 

I also did a fairly substantial re-write on my own Tips & Methods section.

 

Finally, you may (or may not) have noticed the new blog title and description. As I told Al in a recent comment, when I created this blog, I was conscientious—maybe to a fault—about trying not to step on any toes where the DWC was concerned. But, especially since Kay's passing, her husband “Jerry” has maintained that I should do what I want with any of that content. In an ideal world, he'd like to see a real club arise again, and I think he's always been a little disappointed that leading a group the way Kay did just isn't Anne's thing.  But, I would like to ensure that the best of its content remain genuinely accessible. Although archived editions of the DWC website are available on the Wayback Machine, I’m guessing 95% of the potential audience for the DWC content have never even heard of that web archive and would have no idea how to access it.

 

Moreover, I think the highest and best use for both that content and this blog may be making sure that content is fully available and on an existing platform that interested people can actually find because it regularly pops up in Google searches.  So, at this point, I feel pretty good about importing the main sections of the DWC website over to here, so they are available to the widest group possible.  I’m also hopeful the new title may bring a few more female participants back into the fold.

 

 

Anyway . . . thanks for those of us who participated in last week’s discussion, which centered on experiences asking for a DD relationship and advice to those who think they want to ask their spouses to give it a try.  I was a little surprised at the number of people who had tried to ask but been rejected or were kind of limping along trying to get it off the ground.  I hope they all keep trying and have better luck in the future.

 

As for this week, it’s only the second week of January and I’m already kind of struggling to come up with new topics.  Having nothing else in mind, I decided to leverage one of Al’s comments from last week, which discussed spanking when one or both parties are angry.  We’ve talked about spanking when angry before, but it’s been over a year, and Al’s comment focused not just on spankings that happen when the spanker is angry but the practicalities of spanking when the spankee also is angry and not in a good place mentally/emotionally to cooperate:

 

“I recall that very early on we discovered that her deciding to spank me in the middle of a "serious real fight" was not practical. Although she would certainly be ready to immediately resolve any such issue with the paddle, we both understood that it was unrealistic to assume that I would be able to submit to a paddling when tempers were running hot on both sides.

 

During our first couple of months, we got into it hot and heavy one afternoon (when the kids were out) - and after a short while, she ordered me to go get the paddle. At the moment, I was genuinely angry (and we are both naturally alpha at heart) and refused (and rather rudely at that). Fortunately, my wife was wise enough to understand my state of mind - and did not let it derail our DWC lifestyle. At the moment, she said she was going out shopping for a while and we would talk when she got back. When she returned, she immediately asked if I was ready for my spanking now. I had calmed down and consented, had my rear thoroughly blistered - and then we had a talk in which we came to an agreement that if I was genuinely too angry to accept a spanking during an intense (angry) argument, that I could respectfully request a postponement till I calmed down - but there would be a penalty attached to that (double whacks, an additional spanking later that day or the next, etc).

 

I did have to ask for a postponement a few times over the early years - and on occasion she would avoid the situation and tell me that I would be spanked later. One of my goals, however, as a disciplined husband was to come to the point where I would never have to ask for a postponement - and take the spanking even if "I was not in the place for a spanking" or if "we were not in a good place". And, I was able to do that over the years - and have not had to ask for a postponement in recent years.

 

Ideally, in a DD relationship, the disciplined spouse could never refuse discipline - just as a child would not be able to refuse a spanking (our much discussed illusion of consensual non-consent). However, in the real world of hot-headed adults, that possibility always exists - whether we want to acknowledge that or not - so probably best to have some sort of plan in place of that situation (in the "contract") so as not to damage the DWC dynamic in the home.

 

I will add that our regimen of weekly maintenance spankings has always helped maintain the disciplinary wife mentality - and the habit of spanking - in our home. Which helps keep me in a state of mind in which I am more likely to accept a spanking without question (even in a tense situation).”

 

Everything Al said about how spanking in anger/spanked when angry probably has to work in the real world makes sense to me.  Yet, it’s not a scenario I’ve dealt with very often, if at all.  His scenario  involves the following parts: (a) a serious fight; (b) during which the wife orders a spanking; (c) the husband is too angry to accept one and, therefore, refuses; (d) so, the wife lets him simmer down a bit and then spanks him.

 

Anne and I have had serious fights, but that’s where the scenario begins and ends for us.  First, it has really never happened that Anne and I have been in a serious fight and, in response, she has ordered a spanking.  In fact, she seldom thinks (according to her) about spanking as an option when she’s super angry. 

 

Second, if she were to order one, I don’t know that I’ve ever been so angry or upset that I simply would not comply. Rather, I would probably accept it, but it would be sullen and resentful and would almost certainly leave both of us feeling even more angry and upset. Often, a spanking has a magical way of making me see her side of things, but that likely wouldn't be the case if I were super angry.

 

Third, Anne tends to stay angry longer than I do, so it’s very unlikely that in a fight she would be the voice of reason who let me simmer down and then initiated the spanking after cooler heads had prevailed.

 

 

Alan suggested a couple of weeks ago that I try to provide more female perspective on a topic, including possibly interviewing Anne about it. I think it’s a great idea, though I’m going to have to think about how to handle that logistically.  The challenge is, many weeks (like this one), I do not have an advance flash on inspiration and often settle on a topic only at the very last minute.  So, I may have to get her opinion on a topic only after I’ve posted it.  However, if we have addressed similar topics in the past, I will try to pull up comments from Disciplinary Wife commenters.

 

I couldn’t find much in the comments I’ve culled and curated about what should happen when the husband is the angry one.  In fact, I didn’t find many Disciplinary Wife comments regarding spanking and anger, but I did find this one:

 

“Yes, I have and do spank when I'm angry. Sometimes I don't get over the anger quickly, and he has a spanking coming asap, so he gets it asap.

 

If we're out and he really does something that warrants discipline I let him know he's going over my knee when we get home, and he does. The ride home can calm my anger, some or all, but I'm still as stern as ever. If I do calm down, right before the spanking I make sure he knows what he did to earn the trip over my lap, and explaining the issue to him, or making him tell me himself, can get me going again. Either way, I don't want him able to sit comfortably for a good while afterward.

 

If I'm upset or angry and it's pretty much an immediate spanking, then I'm usually spanking his bottom on every word as I scold. I also tend to concentrate on the thighs and lower bottom.

 

(I love that RedRump's wives often show genuine anger!)

 I'm also very much aware, and amazed, at the complete lack of resistance, backtalk, negotiating or even apologies when I'm angry and announce the spanking he's getting. I'm sure he's nervous, afraid even, and doesn't want to make it worse by even attempting to say something inappropriate.

My husband has learned "resistance is futile" and not smart at these times. I can literally bark out one-word commands, and they are followed in silence.

 

For example, once he made me very angry and was going to be spanked. I ordered him as follows and he complied. (FYI), it was a serious issue and had to be dealt with.)

 

“Upstairs!” (Husband quickly went up those stairs, looking back as I followed, removing my belt.)

 

“Strip completely!” (I stood, strap in hand, watching him strip nude.)

 

“Face Down!” I pointed to the bed with my belt.

 

I then whipped his little butt and thighs good!

 

“Get Up!”

 

“Brush!” I pointed toward the dresser. He did as told, bringing me the brush, and then stood rubbing his bottom as I scolded his behavior.

 

“Over my knee!” I locked his legs and held his wrist.

 

I proceeded to beat his strapped backside; he really got the spanking of his life!

 

As my husband yelled, pleaded and promised, it was one of the few times he teared up and cried a little.” – Shannon

 

Because Anne often doesn’t think of spanking when she’s very angry, or it gets ordered after she has settled down, it’s been very rare that I’ve gotten spanked when she is in the kind of mood that “Shannon” describes.  But, were it to happen, I suspect I’d feel kind of overwhelmed by the display and would be very compliant.

 

A somewhat different perspective on anger came from Elizabeth, who emphasized that one of the big benefits of Domestic Discipline is its tendency to reduce anger:

 

“For us, and to me this is an important point, DD has REDUCED the anger in our marriage by an exponential degree. That is possibly the most important benefit -- that I do not feel resentful about his behavior! Why would I possibly want to feel the anger that some of you describe? Anger is an unhealthy emotion that does not feel good at all, in my opinion.

 

Do I vent while spanking and scolding? Yes! Do I sometimes feel relieved and calm after paddling Frank? Yes. So, I feel I get the benefits without the detriments of anger: flushed, rapid heartbeat, anxiety, and most of all, distance from my husband.

 

I guess I just don't have the control of some of the wives described here who can flip their anger on and off like a light switch. To me, and to everyone I have ever seen get angry, it doesn't work that way. I'd love to hear from a wife who can actually do that rather than having her feelings interpreted through her spanked husband.” – Elizabeth

 

I seem to recall that ZM has talked about how his wife can seemingly turn her anger off entirely, then turn it back on when it is spanking time.  That’s not a personality trait Anne or I have.  When she gets mad, it lasts a while and is on full display.

 

This isn’t a Disciplinary Wife comment, but Aunt Kay’s husband offered what I thought was a common sense retort to those who advise against ever spanking in anger:

 

“I don't think it makes any sense to set things up that a woman should not spank in anger. I understand the reasoning. But what could possibly be more therapeutic for her and a more completely genuine experience for him than ‘completing the scene’ in real time?

 

I understand about the waiting, and anticipating, and all that. And handling things that way absolutely belongs in a DWC wife's bag of options. But there is something really compelling and pure about the real thing in real time.” – Tomy (Jerry)

 

Although I have very little experience with it, I do think I understand what he means about a “more completely genuine experience” and there being something compelling about “the real thing in real time.” In fact, I can see how the experience of her expressing her anger in real time would make for a more genuine experience for both parties, though I can also see who it would be very likely to be one of those "be careful what you wish for" things as well.

Coincidentally, he sent me a video a few weeks ago that kind of illustrates what I think he’s talking about.  I’ll put it in the comments, since Blogger tends to block links in the post.

 

What are your thought on anger and spanking? Have you ever been too angry to comply with a spanking order or demand?  How did that work out? Does your wife have a way of dealing with it when you are angry when she decides you need to be spanked?  Is her way of dealing with it consistent with or different from the way you think it should be dealt with?

 

How about the wife spanking in anger?  Does your wife spank when she’s angry?  How does that affect the severity, length, or other quality of the spanking, if at all? 

 

Does it change your emotional reaction to the spanking?  

 

If she does spank you when she’s angry, does the spanking actually cause the anger to go away or dissipate?

 

 

I hope you all have a great week.

Asking For It - "It" Being a Domestic Discipline Spanking Relationship (Club meeting 540)

 If you don't ask, the answer is always no. -- Nora Roberts

 Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

Welcome to our first gathering of 2026!  I hope you all had a great holiday season.  For how many of you did it end something like this?

 

 

For us, that’s a definite no.  On New Years Eve, I watched the Stranger Things finale, and we were both in bed by 10:30.  Although there are times I think I never want get too tame with old age, New Years Day hangovers haven’t been a thing for me in a number of years, and I’m pretty glad about that.

 

Before we get to a topic for this first post of 2026, I wanted to preview some changes I plan to make to the blog.  Some of you may have noticed an exchange between Al and I last week in which I said I plan to migrate some of the Disciplinary Wives Club website content—mostly the Tips & Methods, Fiction Stories, and Real People stories—to pages/tabs that can be accessed on this blog.  Although it’s available for now on the Wayback Machine, many/most potential readers out there probably don’t even know what that is.  Further, if you don’t know the URL that Kay and Jerry used after their original website registration lapsed, a search is likely to steer you toward a porn landing page. If people are still interested in this lifestyle (I sometimes have my doubts), it seems like the best way for them to access the best of the DWC materials is through an established, existing channel.

 

So, why haven’t I done this before? Honestly, mostly inertia.  Moreover, when I first started this blog, I didn’t have any relationship with the DWC founders, and I was pretty sensitive about stepping on toes. That was reflected even in the title of the blog, which originally used the word “forum” because I didn’t want to, by including “club”, stray too closely to the DWC’s name. 

 

Later, Aunt Kay’s husband “Jerry” apparently discovered my blog and started posting under the name Tomy.  Later, around the time Aunt Kay passed, he revealed that "Tomy" was her husband, known to the DWC world as Jerry. He and I got closer and closer over the years, and he’s emphasized that before she passed, Aunt Kay had started seeing this blog as a successor to the DWC, and I’ve seen some indications of that in the materials he’s sent me over the years.  I think he’s always hoped that Anne might want to try to step into Kay’s shoes and fulfill a similar role, but that’s just not her thing.  In any event, he’s made it crystal clear that he’s fine with me figuring out ways to keep the DWC lifestyle alive, including using that content.  So, the time for worrying about stepping on toes is kind of long past.

 

So, I’ve been working to migrate some content over to here over the last few days and, as is often the case with these kinds of projects, it’s proving a bigger pain in the ass than anticipated.  It wouldn’t be a super simple cut-and-paste job under any circumstances, as Blogger is a crappy platform to try to just dump content into.  Copying from an archived version of the DWC website directly in Blogger always seems to create all kinds of formatting problems, so I’m basically importing from the website into Word, cleaning up the formatting, then copying it into Blogger.

 

Admittedly, my editing compulsion is also making it a longer process than maybe it needed to be.  My professional life was spent editing written content, my own and others, and it’s a hard habit to break.  Unfortunately, I’ve read the DWC content so many times that I often just pass right over the endless grammatical problems, typos, completely unstructured posts, etc.  I love the DWC and can’t thank everyone who put time into it enough, but “quality control” on written work product was clearly not a high priority.  Unfortunately, I just can’t deal with those kinds of mistakes when they reach a certain level, so I’ve been going through each story and cleaning up the more egregious grammatical problems, typos and formatting issues.  I hope to have those new tabs up within a few days.

 

In the meantime . . .

 

We ended the new year with a couple of comments from readers who are taking the plunge in requesting their wives consider a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

We had this from Jimmy:

 

Thank you for blog. I read it a lot in 2025. I finally approached my wife proposing a DD relationship after 15 years of marriage. She is still considering but my goal is hoping to bring that dynamic to our marriage.

 

And this from George:

 

"I wanted to take a moment to say you, Dan, and all the regular commenters here. I come here every week to read the blog and try not to miss any of the comments. Thank you for that! There is nowhere else I have found that approaches this subject like this blog.

 

I am sure there are many readers, like me, who have promised themselves they will sit down with our wives and discuss plainly that we want to be held accountable for bad behavior. But, another day goes by because it just wasn't the right time etc.

 

Some of this is fear based, after watching the vids mentioned earlier in this blog that commenters say closely represent the paddling they receive, there is a phrase that comes to my mind, " Be careful what you ask for!". Every time I think I'm ready to take that first step, that phrase stops me cold, and I decide to put if off for another day, week, month .. year. I am curious, has anyone else had this fear response?

 

So here I am, someone who has publications from the DWC web site from 25 years ago, and I've still not done anything concrete to head down this path. This year, I have promised myself I will have the courage sit down and plainly express that I want to be held accountable in 2026 and see where things go from there."

 

Although we’ve done the topic of “asking for it” several times, and recently, we’ve usually been talking about asking for specific spankings.  Although we’ve talked about the more foundational issue of how to ask for a Domestic Discipline relationship, we haven’t done that as often.  And, since there seems to be some current interest, let’s talk about it.

 

One reason I do like this topic is it is so reality-based. If one were to base their view of how these relationships get started wholly on the stories on the DWC website, I suspect one would be left with the impression that the typical pattern is a wife gets pissed off about something, and she’s heard about these relationships from a girlfriend who is in one, then the next thing you know, she’s imposing it on her misbehaving husband.

 

Yet, the plain fact is, the vast majority of the time, it is the husband who asks for this lifestyle.

 

It also seems true, however, that there are many men like George who want such a relationship, and perhaps have wanted it for a long time, yet can’t quite bring themselves to ask for it.

 

So, one question I would have for the group is, what do you think that’s about?  If you are in a committed relationship, why the reluctance to bring up something like this?  I assume it has something to do with the fear of having the request rejected, but why in this one area is a wife’s “no” such a threatening thing? 

 

Is it also maybe a generational thing?  Is this meme right about how times have changed with respect to a “spanking interest”?

 

 

But, is that too easy?  Maybe a spanking interest has gotten more vanilla, but is that true of interest in a F/m disciplinary spanking relationship, particularly one in which the wife gets to decide why, when and how?

 

When we’ve talked in the past about how each of us came to be in a DD relationship, it seems like couples often kind of drift into it from adjacent kink.  Like, they have a shared interest in erotic spanking, but over time it morphs into something more disciplinary, with the wife in control.

 

It seems like that would make the initial “ask” for DD easier, but I know from personal experience it may not be quite that simple. As I told George:

 

“So, for me, there wasn't a very long gap between when I discovered the Disciplinary Wives Club, which was the first time I'd even heard of domestic discipline, and when I brought it to my wife's attention. It was about three days total, because I was so obsessed with it, I felt like I had to tell her. Then, there was another very short gap from when she reviewed the site to agreeing to try it.”

 

What I didn’t mention, but have talked about here many times, is that there had been a brief period in which Anne and I experimented with F/m erotic spankings. But Anne had called an end to them, because while the spankings were not punishment but, rather, “funishment”, the misbehavior was real.  She became concerned that giving fake spankings for real offenses was just reinforcing bad behavior; so, she called an end to it.

 

So, for me, the biggest concern in bringing the DWC to her attention wasn’t embarrassment regarding spankings but, rather, fear that she would reject it out of hand in light of our aborted erotic spanking experimentation.  So, when I did tell her about the DWC, I took great pains to emphasize that these spankings were “real”. In fact, I emphasized that in the stories, the spankings often ended with the husband in tears.

 

 

My reference to tears illuminated another fear of mine at the time, one I suspect some others contemplating this lifestyle share, i.e. a fear not that she might say no but, rather, the ramifications of her saying yes.

 

At that time, I don’t think I had seen I had seen any videos depicting a "real" adult spanking, but I had all the descriptions from the DWC website stories, along with Aunt Kay's advice in the Tips & Methods section regarding how harsh a real spanking should be, in the Tips & Methods:

 

A dose of corporal punishment should have a dual effect. It should be extremely painful while it is being applied, and the area it was applied to should remain very tender for a period of time afterwards.

 

A spanking should be an event to remember. Don't worry about how red his bottom gets. The more color you put into it, the better you are doing. Don't pay any attention to his cries and pleas and promises. He will tell you anything to get you to stop. Allow him to squirm within limits. If it gets out of hand, give him a smack or two on the back of his thighs. If you give a spanking the way it should be given, the results should still show a week later. He should wince every time he tries to sit for days after.

 

None of that sounded anything like “funishment”, and I did appreciate that, if Anne agreed and gave the kind of spankings the DWC promoted, I very well might be very sorry I asked for this. I do recall she asked about safewords, and I told her I felt that, for it to be real, there shouldn't be one.  She would be empowered to spank as hard and long as she saw fit.

 

 

Therefore, while the DWC did hit me like a ton of bricks, I think I had an at least somewhat realistic view of what I was asking for, and that did leave me more than a little afraid about bringing the DWC concept to Anne.

 

The fear wasn’t so much about how painful a spanking that caused tears must be (though there was some of that) but, rather, more about the embarrassment and humiliation the crying itself would produce. In fact, since my strategy for asking Anne for a DWC-style relationship relied heavily on her reading the DWC materials, I knew she would be reading many stories in which not only tears but real sobbing was not just a byproduct but, rather, the wife’s explicit goal.

 

 

I also had fears about the fundamental change in the relationship that I suspected would be inherent in a real DWC relationship. We had been in a very traditional relationship for a decade, and I had more than my share of male pride and ego. Although it’s more explicit in some of the pamphlets than on the DWC website, a real shift in the power structure was always represented as inherent in a real DWC relationship.  As Kay put it in one of the pamphlets:

 

Think about where you are.  Your husband has come to you and asked you to please take over his discipline.  He has empowered you to assume the maternal role and has agreed to take the child role with respect to discipline.  He wants more than anything else for you to be powerful, assertive and in control.  It is a beautiful thing, really.  He is practically begging you to reach into your internal strength, which he correctly senses is in you, and take him to the woodshed when he needs it.  Believe me, not only can you do this, it gets better and better.”

 

I don’t recall how much I emphasized to Anne that this kind of relationship would entail not just spanking as discipline but her having full control over the “whys, whens, and hows”, but I did know that if she read the DWC stories, she would be seeing multiple examples of women simply imposing discipline without any concern about his buy-in.  And, I definitely did emphasize to her that I saw a DD relationship in she had the authority to spank me, even to tears, as a way of evening out what we both saw as an unequal dynamic in the marriage.

 

 

So, was I afraid to ask my wife for a Domestic Discipline relationship? For sure.  But, as I told George, when I discovered the Disciplinary Wives Club, I was simultaneously discovering that these relationships even existed, and I became so obsessed with the whole thing that there was only about three days before discovering the DWC and bringing it to Anne’s attention.  In fact, I was so bowled over by the whole thing that, while I definitely was experiencing a ton of fear and anxiety, I kind of felt like I had to bring it to her.

 

Did I have big fears that she would reject it? I don’t recall exactly, but I think I saw rejection as a real, and maybe even likely, possibility. But, I think I also felt like our relationship was secure enough that if she rejected my DWC proposal, it would be the DWC she was rejecting, not me.  And, I think to a big extent my fear of her saying yes overpowered any fears of her saying no, yet I was so overwhelmed by what I'd read on the DWC, fear-based decisions didn't seem to come into the picture.

So, how likely is an effort in “asking for it” to be rejected?  I’m not really sure. Based on over 13 years of interacting with you disciplined husbands, it seems like most of the efforts to ask for it have been successful.  I can think of only a small handful of men who reported having such a request rejected.

 

Yet, Aunt Kay seemed to see it as a not rare occurrence. In one of her pamphlets, she said:

 

Most of the time the man in the relationship is the one who requests this and very often has carried the desire within him for many years.  Sadly, in too many instances, the woman is unable to either understand this or fully embrace it as part of her life. (You would not believe how many men, single or married, are desperately asking for this kind of help.)  So, most often, the couple gets involved in the DWC lifestyle because the man has initiated it.)

 

Yet, while she sympathized with all the men who wanted to explore these relationships, and tried to facilitate those desires, it came with a warning.  As she noted in another DWC publication:

 

My goal is for you, the man in the relationship, to one day ask yourself, "Oh, NO! What did I get myself into?" as you await an upcoming spanking session that you desperately want to avoid. Yes, that's right. I want you to be genuinely anxious and dreading an upcoming discipline session, because it means your wife has taken the role of disciplinarian seriously,has made a decision that you are going to get a good sound licking, and you have nothing to say about it. It is the essence of a DWC relationship.

 

Over the holidays, in response to my solicitation for suggestions on the direction of the blog, Alan suggested trying to talk about more female perspectives, even if we don’t have many participating right now. I will definitely consider the suggestion about asking Anne for her views on some topics. I didn’t have a chance to do that for this one, but I did look through some of the comments I compiled last year, looking for examples of women talking about their husband asking for the DD relationship.  I didn’t find many and, surprisingly, one of the few I did find actually did involve a wife (initially) rejecting her husband’s DD interest.  It came from Danielle, who was a regular commenter for a while:

 

“I’m ashamed to say I rejected his request rather harshly. He was visibly embarrassed by his desire, and I made it even harder for him. Back then, the seeming kinkiness frightened me.

 

Wayne let it drop, but I knew he was pursuing his fantasies online. I tolerated that, but as the years passed he became more absorbed in his online fantasy world, and I felt neglected. Once our kids had grown up, it got worse, and I finally got so fed up that I told him I thought we were heading towards divorce.

 

He had been argumentative about my complaints until then, but the D-word shocked him. In response, he wrote me an anguished letter, apologizing for his neglect and confessing to an addiction to “femdom spanking erotica.” He promised he would try to change, and he suggested that it might help him if I reconsidered his previous request for a “wife led marriage.” I agreed. I was ready to try anything to save our marriage, and being older, I felt less freaked out by the seeming kinkiness of it.

 

I told Wayne firmly that if I was going to be the boss, it would be for real. I told him I would spank him when I saw fit, but that spanking would not be the central element of our relationship, and it would be on MY terms. He agreed.

 

Once I took up the hairbrush, I regretted not having done it when he first asked me. He became an attentive husband, and I discovered I liked being in charge. I knew the change was genuine when I was able to impose increasing amounts of housework on Wayne. Previously, I never felt he did his fair share, and we had bitter arguments about it. Now, he does what he is told. I like the way I can instantly put him in place with a spanking or just a threat of a spanking if he starts to get argumentative or moody.

 

I think I may always have had an inner bitch that has now been freed. I like having the final say, I like being obeyed, and I like being able to express myself bluntly, either with the hairbrush or a verbal dressing down, when I am dissatisfied. Nobody except my closest friend knows I spank Wayne, but I no longer hide my bossiness from family and friends. I like that people can see I’m the boss.

 

A couple of years ago, Wayne took an early retirement package from his employer, so he has become my full-time ‘house husband.’ That means we have a complete division of labor: I go to work and he does all the cooking and cleaning. Wayne and I are old enough to see our current lifestyle as a gender role reversal, and that works well because it turns Wayne on and it frees me from the drudgery I was educated to see as ‘women’s work.’ Life is good.” – Danielle

 

I recall that in another comment Danielle said that she really regretted not agreeing to the DD/FLR relationship request earlier, because she felt like her initial rejection resulted in years of missed opportunities for a deeper, kinkier relationship.  She felt like she’s wasted a lot of meaningful time.

 

So, what are your experiences with asking for a DD relationship?  Did you, in fact, ask for it, or did evolve in some other way?  If you did ask, please give us some details.  What do you recall about your wife’s initial reaction? Did she take much convincing, or did she jump at the chance?

 

Most importantly, if you were going to advise guys like George and Jimmy, how would you tell them to go about making the request?  What points would you advise them to emphasize?  Are there resources (books, blogs, websites) you would tell them to introduce their wives to? What objections might they anticipate, and how might they respond?

 

I hope you all have a good week and get off to a good start for 2026.  I found this meme recently, and it seems to me particularly appropriate for guys like George and Jimmy who are contemplating asking for a DD relationship but experiencing some fear and anxiety around that decision.