Saturday, March 17, 2018

The Forum - Vol. 243 - Variations on Physical Punishment

We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment. - Jim Rohn

Hi all.  Welcome back to the Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or want to be in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships. I hope you had a great week.

As a preliminary matter, Happy St. Patrick's Day!  

Last week's topic was fun.  As I said, I got the idea from Ronnie over at the Heart and Soul blog:  Though I noticed something interesting when I saw the questions she was asked by her readers, versus the ones you all hit me with.  She got questions like, "Where do you most want to travel" and "What is your favorite childhood memory?"  I, on the other hand, got questions about how I get naked before a spanking, do I get hard during a spanking, what is sex like after a spanking . . . Obviously you all are much, much more perverted than Ronnie's readers.  Let's keep it that way!

The idea for this week's topic started narrow, but I decided to expand it a bit.  I was reading spanking stories a few weeks ago, some DD-oriented along with parental spankings, school spankings, woodshed spankings, etc.  In several of them, in addition to spanking or strapping on the butt, the spanking extended to the thighs as well. 

Sometimes spanking the thighs was just part of the session, and in others it was doled out as extra punishment for not cooperating with the spanking.

Spanking art also often shows marking extending well below the buttocks and well down the thighs.

For some reason, a lot of the relevant art I found involved female spankees, though you see it with males as well.

 In planning for the topic, it also occurred to me that while we have talked about alternative non-physical punishments, such as corner time, we haven't talked about punishments that involve some physical pain or discomfort other than spanking, for example, figging:

There are probably lots of other examples.  Others I've read about include using a tawse or ruler on outstretched hands or kneeling on the floor for long periods of time or on uncooked rice.  

Do you have experience with any of the above, for disciplinary purposes?  Any others come to mind?  And, no, for my BDSM-oriented troll, I have absolutely no interest in providing a platform for you to discuss your little leg-lock obsession, so don't even try to post.

Have a great week.

Saturday, March 10, 2018

The Forum - Vol. 242 - March Q&A

"Judge a man by his questions, rather than by his answers." - Voltaire

Hello all.  I hope you had a great week.  Mine was OK. Nothing particularly fun or interesting, but also no major stressors or dramas whether self-created or otherwise .  I am finally feeling a little more productive at work.  It only took two freaking months, which may say a lot about my level of burnout at the end of 2017.

The week ended on an interesting note.  There hasn't been a lot of disciplinary spanking going on lately, for various reasons mostly related to temporary illnesses and injury.  It sure has not been because I have been on my best behavior.  Yesterday, things slowed down around 4:30 and some of us decided to do an impromptu happy hour.  Around the time I was getting ready to leave, my wife called and said she wanted to go out for dinner, and asked whether I'd been carousing with the work people, as is often the case on a Friday afternoon.  I admitted that I had, and I was treated to a mini-lecture about it.  Nothing serious, though it probably was pretty clear to the people at the table that I was being told that happy hour was over.  So, I did call it a night, though in fairness I had been getting ready to leave anyway.  On the way home, I got a text from my wife directing me that when I arrived at the restaurant I was to order water and nothing else to drink and that I was cut off from alcohol for the rest of the night.

Now, this follows on discussions we have been having about her stepping up her strictness and the amount that she verbalizes what she wants and expects.  We've talked about it for a while, but recently it has been actually happening, in noticeable ways.  She's getting on me more if I leave dishes in the sink or don't put something away.  She's increasingly comfortable just telling me what I can and cannot do.  And, while perhaps it feels sexy in retrospect, it isn't at the time.  In the moment, it embarrasses me to take orders like, "Why did you leave you dinner plate in the sink? Go put it in the dishwasher.  Now."  It does make me feel almost exactly like a sullen teenager being told to clean his room.  When the order is a prohibition on conduct like happened last night, I feel flashes of both anger and resentment.  The resentment takes the form of, "I'm part of a work culture where having drinks with the team is part of being a team and part of leading it.  It's just part of the gig, yet I'm constantly getting berated for it.  This isn't fair."  The anger is just plain old obstinance and resistance to authority.  Again, a lot like a teenager being told to put away the videogame and muttering, "Don't tell me what to do" under his breath.  As he complies.  And, from her perspective she is doing exactly what I have asked her to do, and I think she genuinely does increasingly get that she is imposing boundaries for my own good.

Last week ZM made the comment,  “BTW, with regard to the “strong man” issue, I asked my wife if she feels maternal during punishments, and she said she definitely does. In everyday life, she very much wants and expects a strong husband, but when she decides it is time for punishment, she becomes the authority figure and I become very much the naughty boy. After punishment, we revert to normal.”  As the above shows, my own wife's approach is getting more and more maternal.  She increasingly is the strict mom setting boundaries and enforcing them. But, it's kind of moving in the opposite direction from ZM's description, in that her being in control is become more the new normal and when we revert to something else, it's because of ingrained habits and socialization. When I'm in the middle of being told I have to order water in a restaurant when I really wanted a nice lager, I do mutter to myself, "I think I've created a monster."  More accurately, I think I've created a Mother!  We'll see where this goes . . .

We're also going through a big performance review push at work, changing up the way we supervise people and trying new ways of letting them know how they're doing and, conversely, giving them more opportunities to tell us how we are doing as managers and as a team.  As part of that, I've been conducting a series of meetings with my people about what is working well, what's not, etc.  I have to say, it's just fascinating what happens when you give people real room to talk about why they do the things they do. 

This is all happening as I read on Ronnie's Heart and Soul blog,, that March is traditionally a month for Q&A in blog world. I was not aware of that.   But, from time to time I have devoted a week to opening the floor for questions.

Now, "ask me anything" is a little bit misleading.  Because, while you can ask me anything, it doesn't mean I'm going to answer.  Particularly things like my secret identity or questions that might make that identity not so secret.  But, with that caveat aside, I'll do my best to answer any questions people may have. And feel free to direct questions to each other, too.

And, yes, this is kind of a blatant ploy on my part to avoid putting a real topic out there, as I just wasn't that inspired by any of them today. Though, feel free to address any of the above, including my musings about what it is like as the FLR aspect of this relationship becomes more prominent and I increasingly am treated like that teenage boy, subject to rules he doesn't like but that are imposed "for his own good  

Have a great week.

Saturday, March 3, 2018

The Forum - Vol. 241 - Others - Part 2

"Be yourself.  Everyone else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde

Hi all.  Welcome back to The Forum, our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.

I'm sorry about the delayed posting.  I was doing some business travel that was extended a day longer than expected.  As I was sitting on a plane yesterday, I thought about how a travel-inspired delay in blogging itself spoke to last week's topic about others knowing.  After the work part of my day was wrapped up, I did have time to put together a post but it would have involved posting from the airport or while sitting a plane.  Where one stray look at my laptop could reveal my domestic discipline, to a complete stranger.  Now, shouldn't I care little or nothing about the opinion of a complete stranger who I will never see again?  Theoretically yes, but somehow it doesn't seem to work that way in real life.

While I really hate business travel and really don't enjoy airplanes much, sometimes the downtime with a glass of (bad) wine creates some space for self-reflection.  It also sometimes helps me to see how seemingly separate things going on in my life may really involve some converging themes.  Recently, I've had some frustrations dealing with under-performing people at work.  But, some recent events and meetings have made me more open to considering whether I am causing, or at least failing to cure, some of the ongoing issues because instead of taking the problem head on and focusing on the problem, not the person, I often just get mad and seethe about it.  On what seemed like a separate thread, I've been seriously contemplating a career change, to some extent because I'm just tired of the stress in my current role and, frankly, I'm tired of the separation that I feel leading a team puts between me and the team members.  Then, I was reading a Zen-oriented book that talked about the false lives we end up leading when we create false identities that we come to believe are who we really are.  Usually, we build layers of false personality because inside we are vulnerable and afraid of getting hurt if we show who we really are.  Then, a week ago, I read a story by our own KD Pierre entitled Pride,, that involves a disciplinary wife taking fairly dramatic action to get her husband's self-destructive pride under control by spanking him in front of, and letting him be spanked by, a person with whom he was having pride-based pissing contests.  While it hurt his pride at the time, her whole purpose was helping him get his pride under control because it was dysfunctional and self-destructive.

Now, while I didn't see the pattern at the time, this all seems to coalesce to some extent around last week's topic about being more open about these lifestyles. Or, perhaps the topic of being more open is part of a larger pull I am feeling to be more authentic in several aspects of my life, with fewer ego or pride-based walls between me and others  That includes being less in control at work so that I can be a more genuine and open person with the people around me, some of whom clearly feel intimated by me now.  It also is reflected in wanting to have more open and less topical conversations with some of the commenters on this blog. And, yes, it is reflected in wanting my wife to take more control so I can take less and in doing so, hopefully, experience more of that paradoxical sense of freedom that comes from reduced choices.

Well, that was certainly a long and philosophical amble down a meandering road on this Sunday, but that too is part of being more open and less structured and controlled, right?  And, if some of the philosophizing turns off the people who stop by only because they just want to see something, anything, that serves their spanking fetish -- good.

Now, I really do have a topic for this week, though it is an extension of last week's. It also dovetails with some of the above musings.  Based on last weeks comments, with a very few exceptions it does seem that most of us are very, very reluctant to have others know that we are in these relationships in which our wives spank us and do so for disciplinary purposes.  My follow-up question for this week is, which of those aspects of our relationships--spanking itself or spanking as punishment--is the source of our consternation about people knowing?  Do we find spanking itself embarrassing, or is it that our spouses are in control of it and spank us not for erotic purposes but to punish bad behavior?

As we discussed last week, we are talking about this after the phenomenon that was 50 Shades.  There is at least some argument that the success of those books and the movies is an indication that many people out there are pro-kink and, specifically, pro-spanking.  Yet, most of us still are very resistant to talk about our own spanking relationship and very concerned about people knowing about them.  So, what is that about if 50 Shades shows people wouldn't care or would be supportive? Or, is the acceptability of 50 Shades confined to that one scenario -- M/f and in a very sexualized context?   Is M/f spanking socially acceptable but not F/m?  Even if it is erotic and not punishment?  Or, is it the disciplinary aspect that we don't want to be generally known?

I honestly don't have an answer on this one, but when I play out the scenarios in my head and try to sense nuances in my emotional response, the answer seems to be that it is the combination of spanking and punishment that I'm reluctant to reveal, while neither separately evokes quite the same emotional response.  I don't really have any relationships in which people openly discuss their sex lives, but if the topic of 50 Shades and erotic spanking came up over drinks at a party, I'm not sure I would feel overwhelmingly embarrassed about revealing that we have done erotic spanking (though in truth we did only for a very short period of time many years ago).  Perhaps more surprisingly, I don't feel that psychologically threatened by my wife behaving in a way that is more openly "large and in charge," even if it lets people know that she is the dominant party in our relationship.  And, if our recent poll on this is any indication, a lot of the men who come here feel similarly and want their wives to be more openly dominant.

Yet, I do find the thought of people knowing that my wife spanks me for real punishment stressful, and in a way that neither spanking itself nor having a dominant wife are separately.  I'm not sure what that is about.  I do think that a huge amount of my stress around people knowing is work-related.  I work in a very conservative, traditional, and competitive profession.  I do think that in my particular field, there would be blowback if my status as a disciplined husband were widely known.  The thought of extended family knowing also causes me some angst. But, I'm still not sure why it is the combination of spanking plus the FLR aspect of our relationship that adds a special level of such angst.  Thoughts?

Have a great week.

Saturday, February 24, 2018

The Forum - Vol. 240 - Others

This is my work, there were my thoughts, and thus was I. I have freely told both the good and the bad, have hid nothing wicked, added nothing good. - Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Hello all.  I hope you had a great week.  I'm pretty tired on this Saturday, to a large extent because of way too much workplace carousing.  I seemed to have some sort of workplace social commitment every single night of the week.  So, now I am tried, cranky, facing a weekend of catching up on work, and in all likelihood facing a hard spanking tonight.  And, thanks to recent illnesses and other instances of "real life" getting in the way, it has been a long time since I had a hard punishment spanking, so it probably will be extra excruciating.

Something that happened this week has me thinking again about a topic we have talked about before, though it's been a while, namely sharing more about the disciplinary and spanking aspects of our lives.  I don't want to go into the details, but it involved someone who was placed in a difficult position largely because they were fairly "out" about their spanking-related lifestyle.  It reinforced that there are valid reasons why I am pretty paranoid about maintaining my anonymity and why only a very few people know much about the details of my identity, such as where I live, what I do for a living, or other personal details.

Now, the problem is, I also seem to be going through a phase in which I very much want to have deeper, more meaningful relationships with people, including people who I "know" mainly through this blog or related electronic communications.   I find myself looking for ways to have more meaningful, one-on-one communications that are less topic-driven.  Also, the plain fact is, I have never been particularly good at keeping secrets.  I find myself increasingly wanting people to know about this aspect of my life.  Or, I want certain people to know more about it.  Moreover, as my wife and I continue to talk about cranking up her level of dominance, I am constantly reminded of how hard that is without putting it on more open display, and the part of me that was fascinated by DD from the moment I first encountered it also seems to gravitate toward being more openly subject to her authority.  Or, maybe it is just that I want that authority to be more pervasive and more consistent, and I know deep down inside that the only way to do that is for her to put it on more open display.

There also was an anonymous comment last week from a woman who learned that her mom spanked her father, because her mother told her about after she was grown.  My wife is very, very close to our kids who are themselves now young adults to various degrees, and I will not be at all surprised if at some point they have an adult conversation about this aspect of our lives. 

As I said, this week's topic is not original, but it has been on my mind again, this issue of how much we reveal about this thing we do, to whom, and under what circumstances.

To my knowledge, there are two people who know who I am and that my wife gives me real disciplinary spankings.  One is a friendship with another DD blogger.  We started corresponding with each other and over time we developed enough mutual trust that we were comfortable revealing who we were. The other is a mutual friend my wife and I have known for many years.  The original connection was through me, but she and my wife also got close over time.  I have told this story before, but I'm having a hard time finding it right now.  It's surprisingly hard to search 239 other posts.  The short version is, I had been friends with this woman for a number of years.  After several years of working together there really was very little we didn't share.  One day we were having a few drinks at happy hour, she asked how my wife was doing and how things were going for us, and I found myself blabbing to her about this new lifestyle we were exploring.  I can't say I wasn't embarrassed talking about it, though this friend is one of the least judgmental people I've ever known, so I was really more embarrassed by the kinky nature of the activity and my male reticence to talk about such things openly than out of fear that she would judge me for engaging in it.

After I confessed to this friend, I also confessed my confession to my wife.  She was a little shocked at first but seemed to roll with it.  I learned just how much so a few weeks later.  They had gone out to some event together, and I got a call from my wife.  They had clearly had a few drinks over the course of the afternoon, and my wife had the call on speakerphone.  We chatted about what they were doing, whether the event had been fun, etc., then as the call was wrapping up my wife announced, "By the way, when I get home you are going to get you ass blistered for . . ." and started listing off my bad behavior.  

Needless to say, I was mortified.  She, on the other hand, was having a ball.  "Yes, dear," she chortled, "since you decided to open your big mouth about our private activities, I decided that K. should hear the whole thing from the wifely perspective.  We had a fun afternoon talking about how much I enjoy warming your ass when you've been bad."  I probably would have been even more mortified were it not for the fact I had, in fact, initiated this little "sharing" exercise, so I could hardly object if my wife chose to take it to the next level.

But, as far as I know, after well over a decade of doing DD, those two people are the only ones who know that I am a disciplined husband.  I haven't told any other friends or relatives and, as far as I know, neither has my wife.  And, other than hat one afternoon, I don't think my wife and our mutual friend have talked about this lifestyle, as we don't see each other all that often these days and when we do it is often at parties with lots of other people around.  And, while I admit that I increasingly have these desires to "out" myself, some of my desire to be more open is driven by a wish that my wife had a relationship with at least one other Disciplinary Wife, so they could share notes and reinforce their growth as dominant women.  But, as KD and I recently discussed, I'm not sure that women or "tops" need that as much as I sometimes like to think.  On the other hand, I do increasingly feel a need to have a more "real" connection with disciplined husbands including some of the regulars on this blog.  But, I have yet to find a vehicle to really facilitate that.  Only time will tell . . .

How about you?  Our friends KD and Merry are obviously very "out" but how about the rest of you?  How many other people, if any, know about you giving or receiving real disciplinary spankings? If you are willing, please give us some details about how the "outing" happened.  Who was it to?  How did you tell them, or how did they learn about it? What was their reaction? 

Have a great week.

Saturday, February 17, 2018

The Form - Vol. 239 - Spanker's Origins

Learn to obey before you command. - Solon

Hi all.  I hope you had a good week.  I kept reading that this year's flu bug was especially virulent, and now I can attest to it personally.  The first few days, it hurt just to walk.  Thankfully, I have a pretty well-equipped man cave in the basement.  So, I spent the better part of two full work weeks hanging out on my couch with a laptop to keep up with work while binge watching on Netflix.  But, it's now over -- just in time for a three-day weekend!

A few weeks ago my post was entitled Boys & Men and addressed the extent to which a disciplinary spanking takes us back to feeling like a little boy and whether there is a maternal aspect to the Domestic Discipline relationship.  One commenter brought up the fact that while he had not been spanked often as a boy, his disciplinary wife had grown up in a strict, spanking home.
We've talked quite a bit about how our own early disciplinary experiences may influence our interest in being disciplined as an adult.  But, we haven't talked that much about how our Disciplinary Wives' experiences with discipline as a child may have influenced their openness to doling out discipline as adults.

I'm not really sure where my own wife is on this.  I think it is a factor that cuts both ways.  From what she has told me, she was the "good girl" in the family and seldom was spanked herself.  But, she did witness her trouble-maker siblings getting spanked regularly.  I suspect this made her at least somewhat more open to using spanking for discipline on me than she might have been had she come from a non-spanking family.

On the other hand, I think the overall dynamic in her home probably made it harder to grow into the Disciplinary Wife mode.  Her parents had a very 1950-ish dynamic, with her father working and doing whatever the hell he wanted outside work, while her mom stayed home and took care of the kids and had basically zero authority in the relationship.  When they got into arguments she pouted and denied sex and engaged in all the typical passive-aggressive behavior that disempowered spouses may be prone to because they lack a more direct means of control.  Growing up in that dynamic probably reinforced her early tendency to flounce and pout instead of taking control and using her voice.  Though, she also has witnessed personally the very big downsides of that approach.  So, I think the dynamic she grew up in set an example, but it was a negative one that she wants to get beyond. 

It also probably has been harder to step into the role of a strong Disciplinary Wife without a strong female role model.  It's one reason that I am not as averse as she is to our kids knowing about our dynamic.  I actually think it would be good for them to see a strong female in charge and in control.

How about your disciplinarian?  Was he or she spanked growing up?  Do you think the disciplinary environment they grew up in made them more, or less, open to being a disciplinarian as an adult?

Have  great week.


Saturday, February 10, 2018

No Post Today

  “The best thing about getting a flu shot is that you never again need to wash your hands. That's how I see it.” -- Chuck Palahniuk

Hello all.  I hope you had a good week. 

I appear to have caught this year's flu bug, despite actually getting the flu shot  -- for once.  That'll teach me.  My feverish brain is having trouble working the remote control on the television, so I doubt anything I might write would be coherent and, if entertaining, only accidentally so.   

I hope you all have a great week.

Saturday, February 3, 2018

The Forum -- Vol. 238 -- Tears and more tears

"I was better after I had cried, than before--more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.” - Charles Dickens from Great Expectations

Hello all.  I hope you had a great week.  Welcome back to the The Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships. 

Well, one month down in this new year.  Honestly, I did a little better than usual at keeping to some resolutions around diet and exercise.  Not perfect, by a long shot, but not terrible either.  Though, it did start drifting a bit toward the end, and I'm going to have to whip myself back onto the better track I was on.  Or, a certain someone is going to have to do it for me! But, all in all, 2018 is still looking better than 2017.  But, I recently came across this link that gave me reason to think that perhaps I judged 2017 a little too harshly:  Every once in a while, it's good to focus on the positive, which these days generally seems to require completely cutting yourself off from the daily news cycle.

A couple of weeks ago, we closed another poll.  This one on a subject that long-time readers know is particularly near and dear to my heart.  To the point that I consciously try not to overdo it.  Which is difficult, because it was probably the very most important facet of domestic discipline to me in the beginning, and one that I found simultaneously fascinating and terrifying.  That topic is tears, specifically, being brought to real tears by an adult spanking.  The results from the most recent poll are in: 
I have not but want to:                                            46%
I have not and do not want to:                                12%
I have but only a few tears:                                    17%
I have, including crying hard or sobbing:               22% 

I've run variations of this poll a couple of times, though this is the first time I've asked whether those who have not cried want to.  The results as to the relative proportions of those who have cried and those who have not has stayed fairly stable across the polls, with about half saying they have not cried, and with the other half somewhat closely divided between those who have shed only a few tears and those who say an adult spanking has led to hard crying or sobbing.   

This year's spin on the poll does seem to show pretty clearly that of those who have not cried, a very solid majority would like to. You definitely can put me in that camp.  The prospect of crying was probably the most significant driver of the emotional reaction I had when I first discovered domestic discipline by reading about it on-line.  Stories of men being brought to tears over their wives knees transfixed me, though not in a wholly positive way.  More like being in a car and knowing you are about to crash and can't avoid it.  It left me with butterflies in my stomach, though that really understates things.  I couldn't sleep.  I couldn't think of much of anything else for the couple of days between when I first stumbled on the concept and when I brought it to my wife's attention. I found the whole prospect both utterly compelling and utterly repulsive.  It both fascinated and scared the living hell out of me.  The thought of letting go of control so thoroughly that I would sob in front of my wife as a result of a paddling or strapping she delivered really shook me to my core in a fundamental way.  It scared me like nothing else really every had or has since, yet I found myself compulsively drawn to it.   

This fascination with tears shows up even in my reaction to spanking-related art and media.  Pictures that show real tears as the result of a spanking still give me butterflies in the stomach:

Though, it probably says a lot about the factors that prevent men from crying that in order to find a good drawing of an adult spanking resulting in tears, I have to go with a woman spankee, because the art depicting men crying is almost completely devoid of anything resembling actual emotional release.

Yet, here we are so many years later, and I still have not cried. Even as a result of spankings that plainly fall into the "severe" range.  So, while the spanking fantasy literature may suggest it's all about effort on her part, that's clearly not the case.  Instead, I would describe it as a necessary but insufficient part of the recipe for tears.

While it's impossible for me to pinpoint exactly why, I've come to believe there are certain factors that play into why some men get there and some don't:

Severity:  A spanking must be severe enough to "get the job done."  But, at least in my case if it starts out very severe from the start using a really painful instrument like a skinny wooden paddle or a rubber strap, I absolutely will not be brought to tears because, paradoxically, it is just too hard and I can't stop myself from resisting it.  I cannot stop myself from trying to "man up" and just get through each swat.  No matter how much I go into the spanking with the intent of "taking my medicine" and leaving myself open to it in a way that might let me release into tears, I just cannot do it if the pain level is too much at the beginning. 

Duration: My wife tends to spank very hard, but sometimes so much so that my bottom gets in bad shape quickly and then she decides to terminate the spanking.  I suspect that duration plays at least as big a role as severity in bringing about real tears and that sobbing is more likely to happen when it starts really occurring to him that this spanking is going to go on way past his ability to "take it like a man."
Immediacy and remorse:  Oftentimes, I'm being spanked for something that we both agree is something I should be spanked for but, (a) it's something that didn't have any real impact on her or anyone else and, hence, I don't really feel all that guilty about it; or (b) so much time has passed between the offense and the consequences that whatever guilt I once felt has dissipated.

Lecturing: Related to the presence or absence of remorse, I suspect that a very strong lecture before the spanking would help soften me up emotionally and leave me more vulnerable and, hence, more likely to cry.  This has, unfortunately, never been my wife's strong suit, though she has been getting better at it recently.  

"Manliness": Some men's identities are more bound up with the concept of being "manly" with all that it entails.  Unfortunately, one thing it may entail is a very deep-seated resistance to showing vulnerability and an inability to easily display that vulnerability or weakness.  Those identity traits are actually strengths that can help us get through a lot, accomplish a lot and succeed in out-sized ways. But, like all such traits, they can come at a price when they become excessive or one-dimensional. That price may be a very strong resistance to embarrassment and emotional vulnerability, both of which crying from a spanking would likely entail.

Pain tolerance:  The plain fact is, I have a lead bottom and a weirdly high pain threshold.  I've suffered some fairly significant injuries in the past, but they just didn't hurt me as much as they seem to hurt other people.  So, getting me to a point at which the pain becomes truly unbearable is a daunting prospect.  

Encouragement from the disciplinary spouse:  Those of us who have a strong emotional resistance to crying may also fear embarrassment more than others.  In those cases, I think the disciplinary wife probably has a role in facilitating tears not just by lecturing sternly then spanking severely, but also by letting her husband know before and during the spanking that not only is she comfortable with him crying, but she wants him to do so. My wife and I have discussed this several times, and I think her attitude has progressed a lot as she has become more comfortable in her role, going from acknowledging that my crying might disturb her because it it shows is hurting me "too much," to getting over that and being OK if I do cry at some point, to mildly disappointed that it has not happened yet. 

Determination to Deliver Discipline.  While this may not qualify as a truly separate category, I do think that tears are at least much more likely to result when she (a) wants them to happen; (b) is determined to bring them about, and (b) is determined to do so because she is determined that the spanking will be given and received as a real, true disciplinary experience.  ZD alluded to this a few weeks ago when he shared with us that he had finally cried from being spanked.  As he told us, it came about largely because his wife announced it advance that it was going to, period.

So, with that very long-winded opening, tell us your situation, hopes and fears where tears are concerned.  Have you been brought to tears?  Would you like to be?  If you have, were there certain things that enabled you to get there? If not, what do you think is holding you back?  For those of you who have cried, what role did your spouse playing in getting you there, and have they told you how they feel about you crying as a result of their disciplinary efforts?
I hope you all have a great week.

Saturday, January 27, 2018

The Forum - Vol. 237 - Boys & Men

I think every girl's dream is to find a bad boy at the right time, when he wants to not be bad anymore. - Taylor Swift

Hello all.  Welcome back to The Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, a Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationship. I hope you all had a good week.

We had a good discussion last week, don't you think?  We got some really interesting comments on when punishment is likely to work and when it may not.  I really liked this observation by ZM: "In short, I think punishment will modify behavior if it makes the risk/reward ratio of the behavior unfavorable."  It seems so obvious, yet there is a very elegant wisdom to it. 

A couple of weeks ago, GeorgiaFella made posted this comment: During punishment spankings for being neglectful, or through preemptive spankings designed to help keep me "good," I never cry (and, yes, the spankings hurt plenty!). But my voice does revert to the remorseful, submissive tone of a little boy as I repeatedly and sincerely AGREE with her criticisms by timidly voicing a long series of "Yes, Ma'ams," and "No, Ma'ams." So, by being reduced to a boy, I am restored as a man. And my wife's "tool of restoration" just happens to be a very reliable pine paddle featuring at least two dozen airflow holes!). There's something very powerful about motherly care. My little boy feelings and responses come very naturally and immediately as she escorts me by my ear to the bedroom. It took a long time for her to embrace her role as a spanking wife, but when she finally got that she can inflict pain within the context of motherly love, it all clicked for her."

I know this topic may make some squeamish, but I think it's still worth exploring a couple of aspects of it.  First, do GeorgiaFella's comments resonate with the Disciplinary Wives?  Is there a "maternal" aspect to wielding your Domestic Discipline authority?  Or, is the idea of being maternal toward your spouse a turn-off?
For the men, do you see any aspect of the maternal influence in your desire to be disciplined by a strong female authority?  Growing up, was your mother the disciplinarian?  Do you think that has anything to do with your DD desires today?  And, what about the idea of being reduced to a "little boy" during a spanking?  Does that concept resonate for you?

 For me, there are times that the idea of a DD wife as the "strict mom" I really didn't have does resonate.  But, I don't think that, at its root, it's about the maternal aspect.  Rather, it is about wanting an authority figure--any authority figure--who sets the rules and enforces them consistently and who has sufficient "executive presence" or other power or authority that the punishment is inevitable and resistance futile.  While the "strict mom" archetype serves that role, so would an aunt, teacher, school principal, or any other authoritarian whose power or position was sufficient to make me submit. 

Now, my wife seems to share some of the proclivities of GeorgiaFella's wife.  While we haven't talked about it in detail, from time to time she talks about using DD to reduce me to a "teen-age boy who needs a spanking from his mom."  She has compared me to a teenager who mischievously pushes buttons just to do it, then acts surprised when she gets fed up and does something about it.  As I said, we haven't talked about it in detail, but I do get the sense that she does cast her disciplinary role in a somewhat maternal light.

I hope you all have a great week.

Saturday, January 20, 2018

The Forum - Vol. 236 - Disobedience and Repeat Offenses

Disobedience is essentially a prideful power struggle against someone in authority over us. It can be a parent, a priesthood leader, a teacher, or ultimately God. A proud person hates the fact that someone is above him. He thinks this lowers his position. Ezra Taft Benson

Hello all.  Welcome back to The Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, a Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationship. I hope you all had a good week.

2018 is off to a, what is the right word -- self-contradictory -- start.  As I wrote the last couple of weeks, I have been in this mindset in which I want to let my bad boy run free a bit more than usual.  Yet, in some ways my behavior has actually been better than usual.  At the end of the year and spilling into 2018, we had one of those very indulgent vacations comprised mainly of lounging around, eating too much and drinking too much.  But, I had decided to that once we got back to reality, I was going to try to really reset things where physical health was concerned.  So, I went on a fairly strict diet regimen.  Sort of "paleo lite."  I eliminated pretty much all bread and grain products other than a very little rice on a couple of vacations, all processed foods, and anything with added sugar.  Basically, I ate meat, fish and vegetables.  And, the really biggie -- no alcohol.  I set a goal of not having a single alcoholic beverage for two weeks.  Miraculously, I made it.  And, I lost a hell of a lot of weight, proportionally, in that two-week period.  Enough so that I was planning to maintain it for another week and maybe two.

You know what's coming, right?  Yep, right after I made the inner goal of continuing on that healthy trajectory, I fell off the wagon resoundingly and dramatically.  A work dinner turned into too much wine, followed by someone in the crew wanting to have just one more . . . culminating in rolling in at 2:00 am.  That led to a thoroughly unproductive Friday.  But, in all honesty, that hardly distinguishes it from most of the rest of the week, since I am just really struggling with committing to being productive at work right now.

Two things made the drinking incident doubly disappointing.  First, she had given me a really hard spanking just the night before.  It had been sort of a general "catch up" for bad behavior and for disobeying an order from her at a holiday party back in December.  Second, this latest incident also involved disobedience, because as dinner was starting she sent me a text telling me I was to have no more than two drinks.  The funny thing is, I don't recall making any conscious decision to disobey her. Instead, I had one glass of wine.  Then, the waiter refilled that one and I drank that. Then, I promptly forgot all about her command.  The result is I am in for at least one spanking this weekend, on top of a bottom that is still sore from the last one.

So, how are repeat offenses and disobedience handled in your household?  Although I am dreading the spanking I have coming, intellectually and as an advocate for Domestic Discipline and FLR lifestyles, I feel like disobedience needs to be in a separate category of offenses and should be treated especially seriously, because it potentially undermines the entire premise of the relationship.  It's not just another kind of bad behavior but, rather, violates the whole agreed-upon chain of command.  Thus, it should be dealt with especially severely.  Is that the case in your household?  Does disobedience carry with it some extra-special consequences?  Additional spankings? Harder spankings?  Punishment entirely different from a spanking?  Tell us all about it.

I hope you all have a great week.

Saturday, January 13, 2018

The Forum - Vol. 235 - DD's Impact on Female Sexuality

Strong women intimidate boys and excite men. -- unknown

Hello all.  Welcome back to The Forum, our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.

Personally, I am having a really, really hard time switching from holiday laziness to something resembling productive work.  I just don't feel very motivated to get back into the workaday grind.  Thankfully,  MLK Day here in the U.S. came along and gave me another slight reprieve.  I hope you all enjoy yours as well. 

As I talked about last week, I've been in a bit of a "bad boy" kind of mood.  A little more focused on fun and games than I was in 2017.  In fact, it's a bit of a departure from my usual mindset.  I tend to be fairly intense by nature, and I'm sure my attraction to DD is related to that intensity in some way.  As with the rest of my life, I gravitate toward an intense form of accountability and seem to need more intense and rigorous consequences.  Now, I'm probably not going to get very far in any effort to change that, because it just is who I am.  But, what I think I can aspire to is a bit more of a "work hard, play hard" variation of intensity, with a little more emphasis on the "play" aspect that has been under-served the last few years.

So, what does all this have to do with today's topic?  Well, thinking about play seems to lead kind of naturally to thinking about sex. At least for those of us with a bent toward the kinkier things in life.  We've talked before about whether DD is inherently sexual or driven by a sexual desire, so let's not focus on that.  What I'd like to talk about instead is the extent to which Domestic Discipline has enhanced (or not) the quality of your sex life.

Even more particularly, has it increased the Disciplinary Wife's sexual confidence and aggressiveness?  Has taking over the role of keeping you inline and on track inevitably resulted in her taking charge more in the bedroom?

If so, how does that manifest itself?  Does she take more physical control?  Does her attitude and demeanor in bed reflect a greater level of aggression, control or dominance?

And, if she hasn't taken things in that direction, do you want her to?

I've been thinking about these things not only because of this general stirring of my inner "bad boy," but because after years of doing DD, my wife does seem to be getting more sexually aggressive as a result of her increased focus on FLR.  It's subtle, but she is initiating sex more often. Not just initiating, but commanding.  Earlier this week, she sent me a text simply telling me that we were going to be having sex that night so I needed to make sure I wrapped up all work and other activities by 9:00.  In bed, she also seems increasingly prone to taking over, grabbing my hair, twisting nipples, etc.  It's a pretty exciting development, and I've told her I hope she keeps exploring her sexuality in these ways.

So, tell us how Domestic Discipline has impacted your sex life, or how you would like it to. Wives, I would love to hear more from you on this topic in particular.

Have a great week.