Saturday, August 27, 2016

The Forum -- Firsts Continued

Hi all. Welcome back to The Forum - Disciplined Husbands & Disciplinary Wives.  Our weekly gathering of those participating in or wanting to be in a Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationship.

Unfortunately, due to some other commitments, I am going to need to take a break from the blog this weekend.  But, we didn't get a huge response to last week's post, which invited members of our community to share stories about the first adult disciplinary spanking they received or delivered.  Noticeably absent was much in the way of comments from the wives about the first time they wielded their disciplinary brush, paddle or strap.  So, in an effort to keep things going while I'm tied up, let's extend last week's topic, while hoping to encourage some of the wives out there to share their stories about that very first time.

Have a great week.  As always, if you are new to this Forum, please take a moment to visit our Guestbook (see tab above) and tell us a little about yourself and your DD or FLR relationship.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

The Forum - Vol. 171 - Firsts

Don't let your mouth get you into something your ass can't handle. -- unknown 

Hi all. Welcome back to The Forum - Disciplined Husbands and Disciplinary Wives.  Our weekly gathering of men and women participating in, or interested in being in, a Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationship.  I hope you had a good week.

You can really feel the summer winding down.  This one kind of blew right by me.  Lots of changes happening for us right now, though that's probably a subject for another time.  It's been another incredibly busy week, and I'm a little pressed for time.  This week, I can't say I'm feeling particularly inspired where new topics are concerned, so maybe we should try for some more user participation in the process.  Something that requires some story telling on all our parts.

This week's topic is, therefore, first spankings.  More particularly, first disciplinary spankings.  We all got started somewhere.  Whether we asked for it ourselves.
Or whether it was a little less voluntary.

What do you remember about the first one you ever got or gave?  Give us the details.  When? Where? What did you do to earn it? Or, was it just the culmination of a longer process? Did anything about it come as a surprise?

I hope you all have a good week.  As always, if you are new to this Forum, please stop by the Guestbook (tab above) and tell us a little about yourself.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

The Forum -- Vol. 170 -- After the Spanking

“To cry was to release all sorts of ugly little pressures and tensions. Like waking out of a long, dark dream to a sun-filled day.” -- Anne McCaffrey

Hi all.  Welcome back to The Forum -- Disciplined Husbands & Disciplinary Wives.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.

We had a good discussion of contracts last week.  If there was a general consensus, it seemed to be that a contract could be a useful tool, especially at the beginning of a DD or FLR relationship, but might not serve as much of a purpose later or if the DD or FLR aspect of the relationship took off later in an established relationship where the communication is already solid and open.  I did put up a poll to try to assess how many people are using such contracts, so if you haven't done so yet, please take a moment to vote 

I will probably add more to this topic later today, as I'm a little time challenged this morning.  But for now, today's topic comes from Anna, who suggested the following: What do men feel and how do they act right after discipline?  Is there corner time or other rules?  

We've talked about corner time fairly recently, so let's focus on her broader question of what men feel after a real disciplinary spanking and whether the couple has any kind of post-spanking ritual or tradition, whether corner time, after-care . . . sex, etc.  
I'll talk a little more later about our own routine and what I'm feeling immediately after, but for now I'm off to take care of some other things.

Have a great week.  If you are new to this Forum, please stop by the Guestbook (see tab above) and tell us a little bit about yourself and your DD or FLR relationship or aspirations to be in one.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

The Forum - Vol. 169 - Contracts

Women rule men's lives - every decision a man makes is based on a woman. Jessica Stroup
Read more at:
 Injustice is relatively easy to bear; it is justice that hurts. ~H.L. Mencken

Hello all. Welcome back to The Forum - Disciplined Husbands & Disciplinary Wives. I hope you all had a great week.

For reasons I won't go into in detail, the role consent plays in DD and FLR relationships was on my my mind again this week.  It began with an entry on the Guestbook from someone who suggested an FLR relationship had been imposed on them, and I tried to probe what that actually meant.  I can't say I ever felt that reassured that I understood whether the situation involved real non-consent, or professing non-consent as part of the mystique of the relationship or just not taking responsiblity for choices made.  I can't say I really got to the bottom of it, and I would just reiterate a couple of points. First, this is not a Master/slave blog.  I don't have any problem with that lifestyle, but it's not what this blog is about.  So, even if you are in a consensual Master/slave relationship, there may be better places for you to explore that than here.  Something that has really been hitting home for me lately where this little extracurricular pursuit of mine is concerned is, you can't be everything to everyone.  For every Master/slave comment or post I allow on the blog, I scare off someone in a more conventionally DD or FLR-oriented relationship, and those are the relationships this blog was meant to focus on, particularly since there are plenty of outlets for those with Master/slave and other similar bents.  

Second, it hit home for me again just how nuanced and problematic this whole consent issue can be.  While I think (hope) we all agree that consent to being spanked for discipline is necessary on some level, there are a lot of nuances.   Is the consent only to the overall DD relationship?  Or, must it be to each individual spanking?  For some people, is there an element of wanting it to at least seem non-consensual, even if in the bigger picture of the overall relationship, they really want itThere isn't a clearly right answer here, and where I really started noticing the paradox was when I went back to the Disciplinary Wives Club website and tallied up how many of the stories involved the woman imposing the disciplinary relationship to one degree or another.  It was pretty clear the seeming non-consent has some kind of attraction, given that website has launched many DD marriages.  But, of course, in "real life" we know that express consent often isn't even really an issue, because many--and based on the polling we have done, probably most--of these relationships begin with the husband asking the wife to take up the paddle.

But, that is all for another today,  as I don't want to take us down another vigorous debate on things like consensual non-consent, though I do find the whole thing fascinating and perplexing.  Instead, this week I would like to address a much narrower issue that only partially relates to consent.

Formal contracts or written agreements and other means of documenting the terms and conditions of the disiciplinary side of the relationship.  How many of our DD and FLR couples have gone about documenting the rules of their relationship in some formal way?  And not just the consent, but the overall terms of the DD relationship.

Who is in charge?  What constitutes a spankable offense? Implements? Minimum/maximum number of swats?  All the way to legalistic expressions of consent, liability waivers, confidentiality clauses, etc.  There could be a lot of ground covered by such a contract. It also potentially addresses some of the complexity around consent, because it at least provides some documentation that the consent actually happened, that both parties went into it with their eyes open, etc.
So, that is this week's topic.  Have you documented your DD or FLR relationship in the form of some kind of written contract or agreement? If so, did you do it before the spankings began, or did it come later in the relationship?  What significant terms does it cover?  How did you go about putting it together?  Did you start from scratch, or find a template somewhere?  Was there a signing ceremony or meeting?  And, do you think such agreements are a good idea?
I will lead off by saying we do not have such an agreement.  When we first started out, we did come up with a list of offenses, to which each was assigned a minimum number of swats.  But, it really was designed to help us both take it seriously and to make sure she didn't let me off too easy as we were just getting used to her having the authority to spank and trying to figure out things like "how hard is hard."  It was never really structured as a contract or agreement per se.  
Have a great week. As always, if you are new to the Forum, please drop by the Guestbook (tab above) and tell us a little about yourself.