Saturday, May 31, 2014

The Forum Question of the Week #47: What's in a Name?

Hello all.  Welcome back after an abbreviated work week.  This week's question extends from a discussion I got into over the course of commenting on an entry on another blog.  This particular blog has Femdom in its title, and in that context my comment included a reference to "Doms."  The author corrected me, saying that she usually does not refer to herself with that word, preferring the term Mistress Wife. The next week, there was a discussion about male subs and the word "sissy."  The discussion was engaging, as many different readers commented on their own or their spouse's personality and how it fits or does not fit that particular label.

And, it is that issue of labeling that is the impetus for this week's topic.   We humans seem genetically predisposed to putting ourselves, and everyone around us, into little boxes.   If you take any relatively homogonized group of people and leave them to their own devices for some period of time, they will almost instantly start breaking down their little group into sub-groups and assigning themselves and everyone else into groups made up of "us" and "them."  Whole psychological and sociological treatises have been devoted to the human proclivity for separating our brethren into groups based on personal differences, real or imagined.

We in the is community of people who engage in spanking-related activities are hardly immune from this desire to separate and label.  On one hand, it can be unhealthy, and we are might be better off if were to focus more on what makes us similar instead of what makes us different.  On the other hand, differences in what we do and what we are trying to accomplish helps us engage others with similar interests and may spark some genuine discussion about not only what we do, but how and why.  So, while I think labeling can dangerous to the extent it is divisive and exclusionary, it can be healthy to the extent it encourages people to learn about other people and practices and to approach them in an open and non-judgmental way.  And, for purposes of this particular post, I'm just curious as to what the breakdown among our readership is between people who are focused on domestic discipline versus other variants of spanking-oriented relationship, within the context of welcoming them all to enjoy the blog and join in the discussion.

So, if you had to assign a label to your particular relationship or to your interest in this subject, what would it be:  domestic discipline, Femdom, BDSM, simply spanko, or other?  And, how do you describe yourself and your partner in terms of your role: disciplinary wife, disciplined husband, top, bottom, mistress, sub, or something else?  And, as you may have noticed, I have a real curiosity around how these labels conform, if at all, to how you act and see yourself outside of the spanking activity, whether at your job, in your interactions with others, etc.  So, without  judging or excluding, let's talk about how we do this thing we do and what distinguishes what we do from the other varieties of spanking-oriented activities.

I hope you all have a great week.  As always, please take a minute to fill in the Guestbook if you haven't in the past or have something new you feel like sharing.


Saturday, May 24, 2014

Question of the Week #46

Hi all.  Welcome back.  I hope you had a great week and than you in the U.S. are enjoying the long weekend.

This week's question was inspired by the small tiff between two of our readers regarding anonymous posting.  As I pointed out, the vast majority of those who post on this blog do so anonymously.  And, the few who comment using some kind of identity use a fake name or a profile with no information.  So, let's explore that issue a bit.  Why do YOU post anonymously?  What are the key reasons that make you unwilling to post anything in you own name?  Job repercussions?  Social stigma?  Family will be embarrassed or won't approve?  And, why post completely anonymously instead of creating a Google or Yahoo account with a fake profile?  Do you have a desire to be more open about your DD and spanking relationship or desires? Finally, is there a downside to your decision to stay anonymous? Does it inhibit communicating or building relationships with other FLR-ers?  For the women, does it keep you from blossoming into a stronger dominant partner?

My own reasons for posting anonymously are multifaceted.  I do think there would be repercussions in my career if I were open about being in an FLR marriage.  Submissiveness is not a quality that gets someone very far in my work world.  Also, we do have kids, and I wouldn't want them to be embarrassed.  Finally, my wife is far less of an exhibitionist than I, and she is not anywhere close to be willing to be "outed," and she also would probably face career repercussions.  But, I do think that her reluctance to be more open about being the dominant partner in our relationship keeps her from stepping more fully into that role.  Kathy at  recently noted that one thing that helped her embrace her Dom role was having a small group of similarly situated women to discuss the lifestyle with.

Personally, if you removed the career and family issues, I don't think I would be overly concerned about social stigma.  And, I do think about what it would be like to be totally open about this aspect of my life.   And, although I have not been willing to out myself, I also feel like I need to have some identity, even if part of it is fictitious.

So, what are your thoughts on this?  Thank you in advance for your responses.  Enjoy your weekend, and be safe out there.


Saturday, May 17, 2014

Forum - Question of the Week #45

Hi all.  Welcome back. I hope you all had a great week.  This week's topic:  The Selfie.  It seems like every other on-line article has some reference to taking a picture of one's self.  Whole social media services have grown up around the concept of distributing pictures of yourself to others.  Sometimes privately, sometimes not.  So, this week's question relates to those moments we save for posterity and our desire to watch or observe.  Have you ever had a photo or video taken during a spanking?  Or, maybe photographed the after-effects of one,. i.e. a bruised bottom or one striped with marks from an effective caning?  What about watching yourself in a mirror while a spanking is delivered?  If you haven't seen yourself being spanked, or observed your spouse in the act of delivering a well-earned whipping, is that something you would want to do?

I hope you all have a great week.  Please visit the Guestbook and User Stories Section, and tell us a little about yourself or if you have something off-topic you might like to share.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Forum Question of the Week

Hi all.  Welcome back.  I hope you had a good week.  Mine really was not, and it leads me to this week's question:  Is there any downside to discipline, other than the obvious downside of getting your bottom blistered in a most painful way?  That's this week's question, but here is some context for it.  I've actually been thinking about this topic for a while, but this week's events brought it to the forefront of my thinking.  This post also will be a bit more self-revelatory than usual in terms of events happening to me in the "real world", so if I come into work on Monday and someone is treating me differently, I guess I will have just identified one of our valued Forum readers.  :-)

The background is fairly straightforward, and a situation most of us in corporate America have faced at one point or another.  I was passed over for a new role, in favor of someone who those hiring for the role see as more compliant. Unfortunately, no matter how much I know that submission can be as important in the boardroom as in the bedroom, somehow at work I just cannot bring myself to submit to anyone, including my superiors.  And, this is not the first time in my career that I have taken some kind of hit for being too outspoken and too forceful with my views.

But, here is the quandary:  I was a top contender for this role, and I don't know that I would have even been in the running, had I not attracted attention in the past, and I attracted that attention by not being submissive and by not being shy about voicing my opinions.  So, while a lack of discipline cost me this job, it also helped me leapfrog a lot of more experienced people who have been there a lot longer.

So, in your own life, is there any downside to becoming a more disciplined, submissive person?  Has it made you more timid?  Has it caused you to miss opportunities or to labor in obscurity?  Conversely, for our Disciplinarians, is there a downside to you in being the controlling party?  Does the responsibility sometimes become a bit much?  Or, do you find your domineering and controlling role causes you problems in other parts of your life?

I hope you all have a great week.  If you have a moment, please visit the Guestbook and tell us a little about yourself.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Forum Question of the Week #43

Good morning everyone.  Welcome back.  How did it suddenly become May?

We've talked a little bit about openness and whether anyone else knows about our domestic discipline and spanking relationships.  Let's go in the opposite direction a bit.  For those of us who are not "out" to friends, co-workers and family, what are some of the things you do to keep your domestic discipline relationship a secret?

Speaking for my own household:
  • We store all our spanking implements under lock and key.
  • Spankings generally occur in the basement, in a small storage area that has become our equivalent of being "taken to the woodshed".
  • Spankings generally happen late at night, with less chance that anyone might overhear.
  • I have to be careful about where I undress in the gym, and finding a way to get into and out of the showers without anyone seeing by bruised bottom can be a bit of a challenge.
  • I blog about DD, but I use a pseudonym
Let us know what you do to protect the secrecy of your domestic discipline relationship.  And, as always, take a few minutes to fill out the Guestbook and tell us a little about yourself.