Saturday, August 3, 2013

The Forum - Question of the Week

Welcome back everyone.  We got some great responses to last week's question.  Thank you all for contributing.  

This week's question is about how we move from fantasizing about a domestic discipline lifestyle, or just dipping our toes into the water, to making it a core part of our marriage.  It seems like few people take to the lifestyle instantaneously, especially if you have spent many years in "vanilla" relationship.  There are often long-established emotional and behavioral patterns that need to be overcome.  And, even if both parties are open to it, one of them may not be quite as into it, at least not to the point that they focus on it as a core part of the relationship.

So, the question for this week is, what do you do to encourage each other to make the commitment ot DD and make it a regular part of your relationship?  Contracts?  Self-reporting?  Setting aside a day of the week for discipline and/or submission?  How do you take DD from the exotic to the norm?

I look forward to hearing from you all.  And, if you haven't done so yet, please sign the Guestbook, below.


  1. My wife has been giving me spankings for the past 4 years. When we started spanking was prior to sex play. Lately we have started discipline and believe me they are discipline. I brought up discipline to help with my controlling my actions, such as losing my temper, being rude to her. She can give discipline as she feels it's necessary, however if I know I've acted up, I can ask her for discipline and explain why I feel it's necessary. So far she has always agreed that it is called for, and after I ask for it, when I receive it, is up to her. It could be that day, the next or even the next. The only thing I know is that I will be getting it. Discipline has really helped our marriage and my wife loves the idea.

  2. We started with play spankings. As we both grew into work related leadership roles, my DD increased. We talked a lot about shared responsibilities, the need to be successful at work, and maintain an orderly home. i was assigned, and accepted, more and more domestic duties. Failure, forgetfulness, and unacceptable performance evolved into more discipline. Corner time, spankings, family participation, and restraingths became part of our DD. Throughout every form of DD, we always communicated, respected, and loved each other. DD should not be based of disrespect or become abusive. DD is important to improve behavior or performance. DD should lead to a positive outcome and greater respect and love for each other.

  3. Fantasies have been a part of my life since puberty. When my parents were gone I would get my mother's dress and fill it with pillow and book/magazines for the lap, then dangle hose into shoes and lay across my fantasy girl/wife for a spanking. After that a cousin and I got into heavy petting where I played with her tits and sucked on that and she would have me lay over her knee at times to rub her pantyhosed leg. Later I met my wife and eventually we got to the spanking part. She didn't understand my desires but would put me over her knee and hand spank me. After marriage it continued but I found it hard to explain my desires, such as , her wearing stockings or pantyhose, heels and spanking my butt. I always had a stash of spanking magazines and a couple of times she stumbled across them, showed them to me, but I was too embarrassed to explain further. After 30 years of marriage she personally don't care about being spanked but she sure likes to spank me. It now is more DD when I'm over her knee she brings up thinks I didn't do or comments that were wrong and my ass pays the price. She spanks me hard and with a hairbrush or paddle of some type. So my fantasy has become real as I hoped it would so many years ago.

  4. I cannot talk in the past tense about how DD became part of our lifestyle. We are at the sharing fantasies stage and it is not clear whether it will ever go past that. My wife takes me over her knee occasionally as part of our sex play but doesn't feel comfortable yet using enough force to make me feel properly spanked. When we looked at pictures together recently, it became apparent that she notices completely different things in these pictures than I do.

    What I notice: an attractive woman in a business dress sitting in a chair, paddle in one hand while she gestures toward her lap with the other. My wife's comment: "I like her shoes. I have been looking for some with straps like that except in blue."

    What I notice: wife brandishing a hairbrush as she scolds her husband, husband's head bowed with contrite look on his face. My wife's comment: "That brush won't work for her type of hair. She needs a brush with stiffer bristles spaced farther apart."

    What I notice: man facing the corner, pants and underwear around his knees, bottom bright red. My wife's comment: "Those pants don't match that shirt at all. I wonder if that is what he got in trouble for."

  5. The commitment to a weekly maintenance spanking - usually on Sunday evenings, although sometimes we have to be flexible - seems to be a key to keeping us in the lifestyle. If spanking discipline is effective, eventually our behavior should improve so that maybe we do only earn an occasional spanking - and if spanking has ceased to be a regular event because of improved behavior then it might be that after a few months between spankings, it may once again seems to become awkward - and then the spanking discipline just fades away. The weekly maintenance spanking prevents this awkwardness from happening and keeps spanking as a regular part of the couples life. The skeptic might ask - but why continue to spank if the behavior improved?. Well, obviously to prevent a relapse, but weekly maintenance spankings are also therapeutic it seems - keeping the male ego in check, and maintaining a close openness with the couple. ---Al

  6. If a wife spanks her husband regularly, punishment and maintenance it will become a norm for them. This is really what he is looking for, so he must get his wife to make this routine in there relationship. Both of you must work together to to achieve this. He must be careful not to discourage her in any way. In most cases the husband knows wat he needs, so he must make it as easy as possible for her be rewarded for her efforts, and to feel that it is well worth her efforts, and make her feel proud of herself that she is great at what she is doing. (Over fifty years into WLM)


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