Monday, November 30, 2020

Brief Hiatus and Christmas Thoughts

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships.

I hope you all had a great week.  Ours got kind of crazy, with some unanticipated housing repairs that we’re still dealing with.  Tis the season for frozen pipes and other plumbing problems in our part of the country.  In addition to that craziness, I was trying to push through a couple of home improvement projects, and we both tried to knock out most of our household Christmas decorating.  All this was in anticipation of me getting sidelined by a personal issue I’ve been needing to deal with for a while.  This has been one of those years that I find myself constantly bemoaning the fact that getting old sucks, until I remember how much better it is than the only known alternative.

Thanks to that little issue, the blog may be on hiatus for a couple of weeks.  That, plus I really can’t think of a damn thing to post about that we haven’t done to death.  If I get a burst of energy and inspiration, I will post something substantive. If not, it may just be sporadically sharing some Christmas cheer in the form of art and memes.  In that spirit . . . in honor of Belle, who admits to getting inspired by titillating Christmas art and in partial apology to Jimmy for whatever role this blog played in his becoming a disciplined husband this year . . . I hope this gives her some inspiration and him some Christmas cheer. 


There is something about the following picture that I find inspiring, though I doubt Anne will be modeling for such a shot herself, given that there is a direct line of sight from our tree, through a huge set of windows, to the front street.


I also probably won’t be seeing anything like this. It looks like it was taken in front of a mall Christmas display, and I almost certainly won’t be making any more trips to the mall before Christmas.  


It’s one of many things that many of us won’t be doing in 2020.  It’s been a year of adjusting our expectations, hasn’t it?  Lots of this going on, with no lube . . .



Unfortunately, there won't even be vanilla versions of this going on this year. 



Cliché as it may be, you never know what you have until it’s gone.  I distinctly remember limping into this time last year, exhausted from too much travel, too much work, and too much socializing.  We ended up dodging several holiday parties with friends that have become traditions over the last few years, because we were just worn out.  Had I known it 2020 I would be desperate for some time with other people, I might have reached a little deeper for some Christmas cheer and the energy that comes with it.



Who would have thought that there would ever be a year in which what is under the tree may actually matter more than the people around it for the simple reason that the people won’t be there this year?


While I don’t have a topic this week, feel free to chime in with how this crazy year is impacting your holiday plans, including sharing any thoughts on ways you are working around lockdown orders and concerns for vulnerable friends and relatives.

Tuesday, November 24, 2020

The Club - Meeting 320 - Changes and Transitions

“An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.” - Mae West


Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships.



Sorry for the delayed post, and now that it is here it will be a short one. I hope you’re all off to a good start for your week and, for those in the U.S., enjoying Thanksgiving preparations. Though, I admit it’s a holiday that has never done much for me.  Apparently, many DD and kink-aficionados feel the same way.  In past years, I have spent hours looking for Thanksgiving-themed sexy/kinky art, and the pickings are always drier than an overcooked turkey.  This year, I’m not even going to try and am just moving on to Christmas!



We really are getting an earlier start on Christmas this year.  We don’t have the tree up yet but will do it this weekend.



Most of our Christmas lights and outdoor decorations are hung.  We noticed that a few others in the neighborhood also got an early start.  I guess everyone could use some early Christmas cheer and holiday spirits this screwed up year.  We also got a head start on some of the more intensive preparations because we have some personal commitments coming up that may keep me away from the blog for a couple of weeks after this posting. Right now, I’m just playing it by ear.


I apologize for all the delayed and missed postings.  Part of the problem really has been lots of family obligations and celebrations, home improvement projects that take on a life of their own, etc. Though, it’s also likely a function of there just hasn’t been a lot to share on the DD or FLR front.  Some of that is probably thanks to all the distractions I just mentioned.  But, it’s also a function of the fact that after hitting a real low point in terms of stress and personal behavior problems in September and part of October, I’ve been on an uncharacteristically good roll lately.  It’s been weeks since I had any over-indulgence problems on the drinking or diet front.  I’m going into the holidays several pounds lighter than I was this time last year.  I’ve been working out steadily, though that may temporarily stop soon thanks to a combination of some physical issues I need to address and gyms shutting down again thanks to Covid resurgence. Work remains much, much slower than I’d normally like, but I’m finding I really don’t care very much.  While she hasn’t said anything expressly, I get the feeling Anne isn’t in much of a domineering mood, whether for her own reasons or because there has not been much bad behavior on my end to get riled up about.



I’ve been living with myself long enough to know that trends and trajectories—good or bad—always change direction or fully reverse at some point.  I also believe that men have hormonal cycles too even if ours are less dramatic, and my kink interest and my perceived need to give up control and have boundaries imposed waxes and wanes sometimes for no apparent reason.  But, when it’s not all that often that I hit a place where everything just feels more stable and balanced. On those occasions, I do end up thinking about what would happen if “balanced” became a more ordinary state for me.


Now, in the past I always thought that if I suddenly found myself feeling more balanced and controlled and, hence, less in need of imposed boundaries and external controls, I might still actively seek out DD to drive better performance in other areas.  I think it is pretty rare that someone is self-disciplined in all aspects of their lives, so there is always something to work on, right?  Perhaps, but early next year I am planning to go through a big career change that right now is removing any real performance goals around work and career achievement.  Work and career-related goals and motivations have been such a dominant thing in my life for 30+ years, it’s just weird being in a place where I don’t have anything I’m aiming for in that area. 


None of this is to say I have some inclination to stop DD or to stop experimenting with FLR.  It’s a lot more subtle and uncertain than that.  I’ve just hit this point I’ve never really been at before where my moods and drives are pretty manageable and stable and the work-related striving and stress that created at least some of the imbalance may really be going away sometime soon.  So, it’s not that I’m giving up on DD or FLR but, rather, for the first time since we took this up, live really is moving in a different direction and who knows what impact that will have?


What about you? For those of you who have been through a similar transition, what impact did it have on your DD and/or FLR desires and level of activity? For those who haven’t, if you reached a point where your behavior was mostly under control, would you still need or want DD in your life?  Would you continue with spanking but take it in a more erotic direction?  For the ladies, if your men suddenly became much better behaved on every front, or if his need for DD and imposed rules were reduced, would you miss doling out the discipline?  Would you miss taking charge, to whatever extent you are in charge of certain areas now?


I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving. Be safe.

Sunday, November 22, 2020

Once Again . . .

 I seem to have run out of weekend before I ran out of to-do list items. I forget how busy weekends are this time of year.  I will try to get something posted tomorrow.

Sunday, November 15, 2020

Delayed Post Update - Impromptu Topic by Belle

After posting the below notice that I probably wouldn't be posting this week, I received the below comment from Belle:


“I was fascinated by the part of last week's discussion about our real roles and how they may be contradictory, how secret we keep them, who actually knows about our various roles, etc. I thought it could be a topic.


While I imagine that most people behave differently depending on the role they are in and the people they are with, I think maybe those of us in the DD community have more contradictory roles than the average couple: the differences when our spanked husbands are alpha in some situations and beta in others may be more pronounced, for instance.


Even for the disciplinary wife, there may be a more pronounced difference in our various roles. I think it was Liz who mentioned that she is basically a 50s wife who spanks, which definitely goes against that stereotype.


Just an idea, anyway. Maybe you have already discussed it.”


So, let’s run with that as this week’s topic.  I'll post more on it later after I finish up some other projects I need to get to this week.




All, sorry for the continuing delay. Today was busier than anticipated, and tomorrow promises more of the same.  I'm also suffering from a lack of inspiration for topics.  So, there probably won't be a post this week.  Is it too early for Christmas and winter-themed art?  I hope not.

Have a good week.


Sunday, November 8, 2020

The Club - Meeting 359 - Role Play

“Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel, I hope that you choose not to be a lady. I hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble out there. And I also hope that you will choose to make some of that trouble on behalf of women." – Nora Ephron, Commencement Address, Wellesley College 1996


Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships.


Well, it’s over.  For those of you who are as into politics as I am, was that the longest fucking week of your life or what?  Anyone who has been a visitor here for a while knows I am pretty damn happy right now.  Or, at least, relieved.  I don’t claim that this is the most inspiring ticket that the country has ever elected. But, I hope that regardless of how you feel about the individual candidates, we can agree that some changes were long overdue.



As happy as I am, I’m definitely in that camp that can’t quite believe that it was this close.  And, as usual, the tribalism was on full display everywhere I turned on social media.  The hypocrisy was palpable.  “Stop the counting!  Well, except in those states where I’m behind and the gap is closing. Keep counting there!”  And, it was remarkable how quickly it was asserted without any irony whatsoever that a President who never once in four years got to a 50% approval rating could not possibly lose unless the election was “stolen.”  So, what to do about this?  Well, I woke this morning to a post from Red over at the Consensual Spanking blog entitled “Please do NOT unfriend anyone at this time.”  For the most part, I agree with him and hope that we can all get back to something that seems more normal and less bat shit crazy contentious. But, I say that with a couple of caveats.  First, I am fine with getting into debates, even animated ones, with people who disagree with me politically.  I have two friends from college who I actually enjoy getting into it with on Facebook, one of them a Republican who is fairly far to the right of me, and the other a friend who was fiery right-winger in college but now openly identifies as a communist.  Arguing with them is fun because they are both intelligent, well-informed people. But, then there are the idiots who pass along every ludicrous conspiracy theory with total credulity, because they are either too dumb or too ignorant to know better. They literally think it is plausible that the US government is controlled by a cabal of Satan worshipping pedophiles who Trump was sent to take down. There apparently are so many of those people out there these days that they even managed to elect a couple of their ilk to Congress.  We have Trump supporters in Michigan hatching plots to kidnap and execute a governor, and poll workers and election commissioners getting death threats for being patriots who showed up during a pandemic to count votes.  Sorry Red, but I'm fucking done with people of those ilk and with those who try to normalize or excuse them.



I’m not going to waste five more minutes of time or burn one more calorie of mental/emotional energy with those people, even those who are friends or family. I’m also not going to give them even the smallest platform to spread their idiocy or to get rational people riled up by exposing others in my network to their idiocy. Though, somewhat in the spirit of Red’s post, I did decide that I am not going to go quite so far as “blocking” or “unfriending” them.  They are free to read anything of mine they want.  I just changed my settings so I don’t see their stuff anymore.  And, it wasn’t a very big effort, once I figured out that four or five of my social media “friends”—and only one I was ever all that close to—generate about 90% of the posts or comments that are over the line of reasonable discourse.  So, I blocked those, and I swear it was miraculous how those few small changes totally got rid of about 90% of the stuff that had been sending my blood pressure soaring. 


Anyhow, enough of that and enough of the last four years.  Onward. 


Since the shutdown, I've posted a variety of Covid-related memes. This one totally cracked me up. I can imagine one of my elderly relatives posting it with innocent intent!

Thanks to everyone for keeping the conversation going while I was watching election returns and chewing my nails.  Much of the talk centered on witnesses or the prospect of people figuring out that we are in disciplinary relationships.  ZM noted that while we are all kind of sensitized to anything that hints someone is a fellow spanking traveler, the same probably is not true of most of the people we engage with in our daily lives:  “I expect that this is the case with most vanilla people. Quite simply, they don't think about spanking all that much at all, and certainly never like we do. So consequently it is relatively easy to joke about spanking, but not too likely that most people might even consider that maybe you are being serious because the possibility just doesn't cross their mind.”  I’m always on the fence about whether that’s true.  On the one hand, I don’t think that adult disciplinary spanking is very prevalent, or at least I have never seen anything beyond pure speculation suggesting it is.  But, I don’t doubt there are many people who are into spanking in some form, and I had a discussion with someone a couple of weeks ago who I suspect was one of them.  I was getting my haircut. The stylist was a young, kind of goth dressing Texas transplant to our state.  We don’t know each other well, but I’ve had her cut my hair three or four times over the last year.  We got to talking about how her clientele were holding up during Covid.  Somehow that led to a discussion of some of her more problematic clientele and the lack of manners displayed by some of them.  She observed very casually that maybe some of them should have been spanked more as kids and talked about how prevalent it had been in Texas when she was growing up and how her own dad had “beat her ass” when she needed it.  Now, I know what she’s describing really is the way it was in Texas and similar environs not all that long ago, but the fact that she brought it up and then stayed on the subject for a while, including recounting that she herself got hard spankings and that she thought that was a good thing, made it seem like more than just reminiscing by someone for whom spanking was once but is no longer “a thing.”


As for this week’s topic, I’m again going with one for which my own personal experience is pretty limited.  In one context or another, multiple commenters have brought up the subject of “role play” in response to recent posts. 



The most direct comment about it was last week’s from Danielle, in which she described how a professional spanker had brought her husband to tears during a session:


Dan, as to how she got him to cry, I have asked Wayne lots of questions about that experience in an effort to understand why he did it and what he got out of it. Before the actual session, she interviewed him to get a sense of his needs and desires. Then they agreed on a role play scenario to make the spankings feel like real discipline. They pretended she was Wayne's new boss who had to put him in his place because he was jealous that she was promoted over him, so he had been trying to undermine her authority.


Alan didn’t talk expressly about role play, but he did allude to how something can happen that marks a transition from spanking as “serious kinky play to a spanked boyfriend and later husband who was very much under female control.”  And, ZM discussed a recent conversation in which his wife let her sister and a friend into a small part of their spanking lifestyle: 


And then there is the other friend of my wife and my wife’s sister, who she recently told about a role-play we did, and the friend immediately jumped to “so did you come in with a belt and spank him?” and my wife just went with it and said “yes, he was a bad boy” or something like that in a very joking manner, and they all laughed. But of course they don’t know how much she was just joking and so they may suspect we use spanking for play or something.



So, this week’s topic is “role play.”  Was it ever a part of your spanking relationship?  At some point, did it transition into something that was more truly disciplinary and away from “role play”? Or, have both gone on together?  If you’re willing, please share some of your favorite role play scenes and how they relate, if at all, to the more disciplinary or FLR aspects of your relationship.


Have a great week.

Sunday, November 1, 2020

The Club - Meeting 358 - Risky Business


The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate.   - Douglas Engelbart


Hello all.  Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships.



I hope you all had a nice Halloween.  While we got a few trick-or-treaters, it was very few and overall it felt like the Halloween that wasn’t.  There also is not much Fall left to enjoy where we live.  It’s too bad.  I really do love this time of year.



Thanks for the participation last week on the subject of rules and who sets them.  It remains a timely topic in our household.  We weren’t together for part of this week, so there were limits on the momentum Anne could build when it comes to exercising more authority.  But, there was not a complete interruption in the dynamic either and there was one somewhat titillating incident.  As I said, we weren’t together for part of the week, and for once it was because Anne was traveling. She had promised me a spanking for some mid-week bad behavior, but time kind of got away from her the night she had promised to deliver.  The next morning, she was busy packing and getting ready to leave for her trip.  My mother-in-law was at our house that morning, and as my wife and she were getting ready to leave, Anne turned to me and said something like, “And, don’t you worry. I’ll be back on Sunday and we can deal with things then.”  It was a very cryptic comment, and I’m sure her mother had no idea what she was talking about.  But, to some extent the comment was SO cryptic and without context that it almost certainly would have raised the curiosity of anyone who overheard it. 


While the context was a little different, her comment and her increasing openness to at least make some risqué statements alluding to her role dovetailed with something else that has been on my mind a lot.  I’ve mentioned here a few times that I ride motorcycles.  A few months ago, I explored some of the less populated areas of the hills near us. I went up a road that adjoins several hiking trails through an area with a lot of open space.  It is a winding road, with lots of small pull-over areas big enough for only a single car to park.  The road winds back and forth, and as you get close to the end there is a pretty good visibility of the way you just came.  For no real reason, it occurred to me that it was kind of the perfect spot if Anne was ever inclined to embarrass me with a semi-public spanking.  It is an area that is pretty sparsely populated, but it is close to a fairly busy crossroad and people do use it to access hiking and other outdoor activities.  So, while the risk of exposure is manageable, it is not zero.  I’ve ridden up and down that road a few times since then, and its suitability for a risqué punishment session strikes me every time.



The possibility struck me again this week, because I’ve had a fair number of traffic offenses in the past, and there have been times that I’ve had too many drinks and gotten behind the wheel.  A spanking in a car, in a somewhat exposed place, for an automobile related offense would be an example of “let the punishment fit the crime.”


In a comment a week ago, Belle said: “It seems to me that you are craving others finding out that you wife spanks you, both in your dreams and your dreams. Since Anne has already mentioned it at a family party, I would suggest she do more of the same.”  Whether Anne’s comment in front of her mother resulted from taking Belle’s advice to heart, I’m not sure. In light of the extent to which I’ve been dwelling on the possibility of being spanked in a car where we might be discovered, and the dream I had about my mom spanking me in just that context, Belle could be right that part of me really wants others to know that Anne spanks me, though I what I seem to want is the risk of being caught or found out but without full openness.  That would kind of explain my fascination with being spanked in barns and woodsheds – places where a spanking might be overheard but it wouldn’t be certain to happen.



After a few weeks of fairly serious topics, I thought I would keep this one light this week.  For those of you aren’t “out” about your Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationship, what is the furthest you’ve gone in letting others know or risking discovery?  Have the wives (or the husbands) alluded to spankings to friends, family members, co-workers, etc.  What is the most risqué place you have ever been spanked?  Is there any place that might risk exposure that you have an interest in being spanked or giving a spanking and that is at least a somewhat realistic option?  Or, is any risk of exposure just too much for you?


I hope you all have a great week.