As I have discussed from time to time, while my first several years in this lifestyle was focused on domestic dicscipline, recently we have been exploring taking it to a new and different level. Before this year, FLR was never really an explicit goal of our relationship. It was more classic domestic discipline, of the sort that Fred lives and has been kind enough to describe.
When change happens, it's often gradual and its impetus may be varied. This subtle shift we are going through from DD to a wider FLR is like that. Some of it came as a direct result of connections made through this Forum. Exploring the more FLR-oriented portion of the disciplinary spectrum, through comments on this blog, through the blogs maintained by members of our community, and sometimes through emails with some of our members, left me more open to exploring wider themes of submission. Frankly, my own inability to conform to authority was also part of the impetus, as I continued to watch my maverick orientatoin and inability to follow rules at work continue to limit opportunities (though while undeniably making opportunitiies as well). Hence, our increasing exploration of FLR as I have asked my wife to continually take more and more of the lead.
In inching toward a more FLR-oriented lifestyle, we inevitably move toward a more transparently female-led lifestyle. Spankings are episodes; FLR is more of a continuing power exchange and, if the woman is leading and making decisions, that is inevitably going to be on display at various levels. And, how far that leadership extends may be a function of the settings in which it is allowed to be on display. In trying to really embrace her leadership, we keep confronting the issue of how transparent to be about it.
Hence, last week's topic focused (or tried to) on interferences and impediments to living the DD or FLR lifestyle. One that always comes up is children, and this time it was no different. Though, my question also tried to get at what role our need for anyonymity conflicts with our desire to make DD/FLR a bigger part of our lives. But, this week, let's stick to the children issue, particularly since Marisa and K.D. were beginning to have an exchange on that exact issue from seemingly very divergent perspectives.
So, for this week's topic I ask, what should kids know and when? Marisa's position (if I am representing it accurately) was that they should not, while they are kids, know about the physical disciplinary aspect of the relationship. KD, on the other hand, lives a life where it is all out in the open. We seem to have both ends of the spectrum represented, so let's open it up to those who may be at either end or somewhere in between.
I admit to being a fence-sittter on this one. Our ability to keep things secret is probably less than we imagine. Kids always know more than you think they do. There also can be a big, bitg price to be paid for maintaining secrecy while trying to develop a deeper FLR, because keeping thing opaque also may mean the FLR takes root only in limited, sporadic ways because it is seldom on open display. I also struggle with whether knowing about the DD elements of a marriage would really have the negative impact that some people think, or whether most kids even care that much about what their partents do, beyond the normal mild to moderate distaste at the idea of any adult engaging in anything sexual, let alone kinky. Rhiannon has asked on her blog whether, perhaps, kids are so wrapped up in their own worlds that they don't care about what we do mearly as much as we presume. Also, might their reaction depend a lot on the age at which they learn about it? Coming out for the first time when they are teenagers could be unsettling, but what if a fully "out" FLR that included DD was just what they grew up with as young kids? And, finally, to what extent, if at all, does gender matter? I don't think it is the worst thing in the world for young women to grow up with a strong sense of female empowerment, since god knows they are confronted with enough negative images and inputs on that front. But, what about boys -- would knowing dad gets spanked give them an increased respect for women, or a decreased level of respect for dad?
Big themes, and I know we have explored this one before. But, our community here continues to grow, so sometimes it is good to revisit and open things up to our new members to give their perspective.
Have a great weekend!