Saturday, May 27, 2017

The Forum - Vol. 208 - Punishment Versus Discipline

Lord give me chastity, but not yet.  -- St. Augustine

Hello all.  Welcome back to The Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you had a good week.

Mine kind of sucked.  Work in my industry tends to come in waves, with big projects coming and going.  This week started neck deep in a huge project, then it suddenly went away.  I think many around me felt a sense of relief at the slackening of the frenetic pace, but I always go the opposite direction, feeling antsy and nervous and wondering when the next new big piece of work will come in.  I also ended up with a nasty stomach bug that I'm only now beginning to recover from.  And, to top it all off, in the course of doing some business socializing to try to scare up a new project, I left a new laptop somewhere I shouldn't and someone walked off with it.  The timing was perfect, since last week's topic on being spanked for chores, sloppiness, carelessness, etc. was still garnering responses.  It was a mistake, but one that left me really irritated with myself, because I have a habit of walking off and leaving things, very often my credit card, fairly often my coat, and everyone once in awhile my phone or laptop.  
 Nine times out of ten, I get them back.  This time I didn't.  It's not the end of the world, but it was a fairly expensive loss that resulted from my own carelessness, pure and simple. At such times, I am reminded of the (admittedly totally sexist) wisdom passed from Don Corleone to his son in The Godfather: "I spent my whole life trying not to be careless. Women and children can be careless. But not men." The implication is that carelessness has consequences and  that it is something that can be avoided with effort.  With that in mind, I did tell my wife that I hoped she would wear my ass out for this particular piece of carelessness. And, since most most of the comments last week focused on the chores aspect of the topic, let's keep it open this week to further comments regarding being spanked for careless, forgetfulness, etc.

Another reason for leaving the carelessness topic open for another week is my writer's block continues.  I just can't think of a damn thing that really interests me regarding DD and FLR right now.  That happens sometimes.  And, this dryspell really does seem to be tied to this one aspect of my life.  In others, my mind is fairly active.  I've been reading a lot, with my usual omnivorous lack of focus.  I've been reading a book on Tantric philosophy (the real stuff, not the Western sexual crap that has little or nothing to do with historical Tantra), a historical biography (Ulysses S. Grant), some religious history stuff, and a self-help book on habit formation.  I just can't think of a damn thing I'm really interested in regarding DD right now.

In fact, I seem to be having some senior moments where the whole topic is concerned.  At first, I thought that maybe I would get out of coming up with something that interested me, by instead of focusing on something that seems to interest many others but does not do anything for me, namely chastity.  Hence the quote at the top of the page.  Then, I did a quick word search on the titles of previous posts and realized I did that one less than six months ago.  How time flies.

So, what to talk about?  One that has been on my mind a little bit recently is "punishment" vs. "discipline" in the context of a DD relationship.  One reason this has been on my mind is some of my own recent DD experiences, including the "multiples" I received for drinking too much and then driving home.  My wife and I generally communicate a lot about our DD and FLR lifestyle, or at least I communicate in the form of my journal and she generally takes it in and sometimes lets me know what she is thinking or adjusts if I say something just isn't working. It was in that vein that I told her after one of our sessions that if part of the goal was to bring about real "surrender" on my part, she might consider doing more of a warmup, and using someone more forgiving tools, as the combination of no warmup swats and using really tough instruments was leading me to "man up," in a way that made it impossible to just give in and let go.  Yet, she didn't change at all.  She still goes right at it, full force, every time.  After several attempts to raise this as an issue, it is clear that she has decided in this instance that she is going to keep keep doing it the way she wants.  While she hasn't let me in on her thinking yet, I suspect it reflects a desire on her part to really punish me for bad behavior, i.e. to make it hurt very badly from start to finish, and she just doesn't care that much whether I "surrender" to it or not.

When I step back and look at the situation objectively, what she is going makes some sense in the overall context of a DD relationship, though it also probably runs counter to what many men say they are looking for.  Many of us seem to want that cathartic experience in which a spanking becomes too much, or in which the remorse is so powerful, that we just let it all go.  And, while we may dress it up as a show of submission and respect that we would surrender in that way to her authority, it also is undeniably something that we want for its impact on our own ego, psyche, etc.  I think that what she is saying with refusing to get on board with my suggestions in this area is that when I really deserve to be punished, that is what it is about.  Something that meets my goals in that instance isn't at all what she cares about. Quite the opposite.  If I have a desire to cry or experience some kind of catharsis from a spanking, cooperating with that is really fulfilling my desires and giving me something I want, which really runs counter to what the punishment is supposed to accomplish.  I want it to serve some purpose in helping me surrender and let go of my resistance. She just wants it to hurt badly enough and long enough that I don't engage in the bad behavior again for a good long while.

Are punishment and discipline separate and distinguishable, and do they entail different kinds of "corrections"?   Is their goal the same?  Or, is it a matter of whose perspective we are looking at it from?  She might be looking to instill more discipline in me or cause me to feel remorse, but she also may see some personal value to her in punishment as pure "giving me what I have coming."

I hope you all have a great weekend.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

The Forum - Vol. 207 - Chores, Sloppiness, Etc.

An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes. - Earl Wilson (1907-1987) US newspaper columnist

Hi all. Welcome back to The Forum. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you had a great week.

Mine was more than a little unproductive.  Work wasn't very busy, which can be good every once in awhile, but there seems to be this near unbreakable pattern in which if I have 20 things on my to-do list I accomplish all 20, but if I have 2 then I don't get to either of them.  We also had a wave of colds and minor illnesses sweep through the family.  So, we are all feeling more than a little cranky, tired and, in my case, uninspired.  Which means there will be nothing particularly profound for this week.  Not that last week's was much better.  I had a lot of second thoughts about going down the "tell me your fantasies" road, particularly at a time in which one of my biggest blogging frustrations is the little pest who keeps farting at my blog with his repetitive "She spanked my bottom, and then she said something pithy about a wife spanking her husband, and then she made me face the wall, and then some of her friends dropped by and I was embarrassed and my bottom hurt." Over and over and over.  And, he's now leaving the same inane drivel on Kathy's Femdom 101 blog and KD's blog and Hermione's, using two or three different names, both male and female.  It's enough to make me want to remove all the links to other blogs, since the trolls seem to start here, then when I take down their content they follow the trail of links to pollute all the other blogs I like and respect.  But, in the end it didn't get out of hand and we did get a few thought-provoking threads going.

CrimsonKing brought up wanting to integrate Domestic Discipline into more of his everyday life and to help him meet goals, and also more naked chores now that he is in the process of becoming an empty-nester.  I have learned that given the Millennial generation's general co-dependence and lack of desire for anything resembling independence, empty-nester status is more a process than an actual binary change of life status.  But, I envy him his change and hope it does, in fact, allow his wife to take more control.  I share his desire for incorporating DD and FLR into my life on more of a 24/7 basis.  Part of that is about accountability and how lack of it has ripple effects.  We tend to focus on large-scale problems, like my ongoing issues with moderating social drinking, but like the transition to empty-nester status, discipline tends to be an ongoing process, not an event.  When I'm undisciplined and sloppy in small, everyday areas, that can't help but spill over into bigger things. It's kind of like the "broken windows" approach to policing, in which crime prevention focuses on things like petty vandalism and graffiti, because those petty crimes degrade the neighborhood and give people less of a sense that the rules matter. 
Do you get punished for day-to-day things like failing to do chores, or not doing them to her standards?  What kind of failings lead to that result?  Are the areas in which you fail things that are important to her, to you, or to both?

We have not incorporated this into our lifestyle in a major way, to some extent because of the empty-nester issue.  We are getting closer to that stage, but it's not there yet, and there still are more times than not that we have other people in the house.  But, I do think that once we really have the house to ourselves, things may change.  I've talked about this before, but one incident that has stuck in my mind for a very long time involved one of the few occasions when I've been punished for not doing chores.  We split household tasks pretty evenly, though we cover different things based largely on respective competence and interest.  For example, she manages the bank accounts and pays the bills.  I handle investments and retirement accounts.  Where meals are concerned, she shops and cooks, while I clean up.  Most of these divisions of labor are things we drifted into over time, as opposed to something more formally assigned.  But, when we started experimenting with broadening our DD relationship into something that empowered her with real Head of Household status, one aspect she took to like the proverbial duck to water was assigning me more chores.

One of my chores has always been doing the dishes.  While I almost always do them, I also have a tendency to get distracted and to leave a few aspects of the job uncompleted.  For some reason, I had a string of incidents in which I forgot to clean out a rice cooker.  The third time it happened, she texted a picture of the cooker with the rice still in it the next day, and expressed her dissatisfaction in no uncertain terms.  That night, I was sitting at the kitchen table doing some work, and she walked in from her office.

"You were supposed to sweep the floor this weekend, right?"

"Yes, and I did."

"That's 'Yes, Ma'am.," she snapped.

Pointing to some dog hair on the hardwood floors that I had missed, she demanded, "Does this look "swept" to you?"

"I'm sorry.  I will fix it tonight," I responded somewhat distractedly, as my attention was still kind of on what I had been working on.

"You also left the closet door open again this morning.  You know the cat goes in there and tears things up when you leave the door open." (I do, by the way, hate that damn cat.  I sometimes can't help but wish our dogs were meaner and would take her out, but they are cowards and scurry away whenever she strolls through the house.  While my wife may be a budding HoH, in truth its the cat that really holds that status.)

"Did I?  OK.  I'll make sure I don't do it again."

She was having none of this, and also getting more angry that I wasn't really paying attention.

"So, you did a half-ass job on the floors, you left the closet door open repeatedly after I told you not to, and then there is the damn rice cooker.  Shut down your computer, and go to the basement.  You are going to get spanked."

I didn't respond at first, as I was more than a little surprised and what had just happened hadn't quite registered yet.  This hadn't happened before.

"What are you waiting for?" she demanded.  "Get down there, get out the tools, and get your pants off.  You are getting spanked, and I mean now."

And, that's what she did.  I thought since these were fairly small matters, it might be a fairly light spanking.  No such luck.  She thoroughly blistered my ass with a combination of the strap, the paddle and the bath brush.  As I collected myself when it was over, there was a small part of me that resented getting such a hard spanking for such "small" things, but I also felt a new respect for her and the first glimmerings of that "healthy fear" I had said I wanted.  The resentment and the respect were strangely intertwined, because it was the fact that she had spanked for things that were important to her but not necessarily to me that led to the twinge of resentment, but it also gave me that "healthy dose of fear" that I think is necessary for the DD relationship to be real.  More than just about any spanking she had given me for "bigger" issues, that one showed that she was really starting to embrace her HoH role and moving from enforcing rules we had agreed on to imposing rules and assigning consequences regardless of my own views on the matter.

How does she let you know when you've left something undone or poorly done one time too many?  Do you find that being disciplined for smaller things helps you correct bigger behavior problems or meet bigger, more challenging goals?

I hope you have a great week.  Get those chores done!  And, as always, if you are new to this Forum, please stop by the Guestbook (tab above) and tell us a little about your DD or FLR lifestyle or aspirations.

Saturday, May 13, 2017

The Forum - Vol. 206 - Fantasy Versus Reality

There are moments when one has to choose between living one's own life, fully, entirely, completely-or dragging out some false, shallow, degrading existence that the world in its hypocrisy demands. - Oscar Wilde

Hello all.  Welcome back to The Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, domestic discipline or Female Led Relationships.

Thank you all for the enthusiastic reaction to last week's posting.  People do seem to like it when I tell more personal anecdotes.  So, let me explain why I don't do it that often.  The primary reason is because, believe it or not, I would very quickly run out of material.  One of the things I've said is somewhat lacking in my own DD relationship is consistency.  When men first decide they want this lifestyle, I think there can be a tendency for it to become kind of all-consuming, and there can be an expectation that spankings and other forms of discipline will happen very frequently.  Then, along comes real life with all its competing commitments and distractions.  While I write this blog every week, real disciplinary spankings happen less than monthly.  There also is not a huge amount of variety in the sessions.  They tend to happen in the same place, using the same basic set of tools. So, if I tried to build this blog around personal anecdotes, I would quickly run out of anything interesting to say.  Also, some of what my wife and I deal with as a couple is personal, and while there is obviously some exhibitionism involved in talking about something like this in a public blog, there are some limits on things I will share, such as private conversations with my wife about our relationship.

But, I will share personal stories and thoughts from time to time, because I do sometimes just want to talk to people.  That's always been my goal for this blog.  I want it to encourage real conversations about this interest that we share.  That is also why I get so mad at some of the trolls and the obsessive compulsive verbal diarrhea that some are intent on spewing onto the pages of this blog.  As I pointed out to Tomy in a response to a comment he left yesterday, it's not that I have a problem per se with comments that may reflect something that didn't really happen.  It's that those comments tend to not have anything at all to do with the conversation that is happening.  Oh, the person may throw in one line at the beginning that kind of sort of responds to the topic.  But, it then quickly degenerates into minor variations on whatever obsessive fantasy the troll is fixated on at the moment.  It is basically just masturbation passing for conversation. It's the lack of interaction that really vexes me, along with the attempt to take the  blog in the direction the obsessive commenter wants it to go, instead of in the direction I want it to go.

But, that doesn't mean that I do not want to hear about people's DD-related fantasies, and that's kind of where I want to take things this week.  Though, not really fantasies per se, but more about goals, desires, wishes for where you want your DD or FLR relationship to go, or something you would like to experience. Or, things that you might not want to experience in reality, but that you still find compelling or intriguing.  Maybe it's being brought to tears.  Or, being spanked in front of a witness.  Or spanked in public.  Or in the woods or along the side of a road.  Or maybe visiting a professional disciplinarian.
So, what DD scenarios get me going? Those who have read the blog for awhile know that I have a thing for barns and woodsheds.  I'm not really sure why, but I do.  A story about being taken to the woodshed gets to me every time.  I think it may have been Peter who shared a story about being spanked by an uncle in a barn or shed when he was a teenager (though I may be confusing my commenters).  That whole scenario is something that definitely causes a strong reaction in me.  And, for me it's both the setting and, frankly, the M/m aspect of it.  For reasons I probably will never understand, DD was so compelling to me from the first time I read about it precisely because I found it so incredibly threatening both physically and, more fundamentally, on an ego level.  I am anti-authoritarian to my core and absolutely hate even thinking about being forced to do anything I don't want to do.  Yet, the prospect of that happening was what I found so morbidly fascinating about DD.  I think the thought of being subjected to a spanking by a father figure or uncle is part of that.  In my mind, that scenario is less consensual and more "get down to business" than something in the context of a marital relationship, where there is always going to be more of an erotic component and also the element of something I could resist if I really wanted to.

See, there I went sharing about myself again.  😀  I hope you all will do the same. 

Have a great week.  If you are new to this Forum, please stop by the Guestbook (tab above) and tell us a little about yourself and your DD or FLR lifestyle.

Saturday, May 6, 2017

The Forum - Vol. 205 - Dan Gets Spanked, Multiples and Asking For It Revisited . . .

A woman should soften but not weaken a man. ~Sigmund Freud

Hello all.  Welcome back to The Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you had a good week.

Mine was painful. But, for once, not because of self-inflicted damage. Well, not directly anyway.  I managed to make it through an entire week without having too many drinks at happy hour, getting into a tiff with someone at work, or any of the myriad other things that usually leave me feeling dead tired and drained of all energy by Saturday morning.  Instead, I didn't drink alcohol at all, worked out five days consecutively, was reasonably well-behaved and productive at work, did all my chores around the house each day, and didn't break any rules with one small and unintentional exception.  So, how did this wondrous transformation come about?  Simple -- multiple spankings, in combination with being grounded.

I've intentionally avoided focusing a lot on personal disciplinary anecdotes on this blog, but I don't have any other topic in mind this week, plus the last week's events really have been on my mind a lot.  So, this week in lieu of an actual topic, I will share the story of how I got into trouble and the consequences that resulted, and folks can react to it as they like.

I knew in advance that last week had the potential to be challenging.  I really have been trying to take better care of myself, and I went into the week with a conscious goal of staying out of trouble. But, I knew it would be hard.  We had back-to-back social events at work, where bonding over cocktails is the norm.  The first night was a small and limited affair, and though I went into it with the goal of keeping the drinking down to a minimum, the night dragged on longer than expected, so more rounds were ordered, and before I knew it, I was getting home at midnight.  The next night was even worse, though maybe even less intentionally so.  We had a gathering of colleagues that was billed as a dinner, but it was more like a long happy hour with an open bar, with the only food consisting of light appetizers, liberally interspersed with caterers offering trays laded with full glasses of wine.  At some point, you would think I would learn that wine on an empty stomach is a big "no no" for me.  It goes to my head way too fast, and before I know it I've forgotten all about trying to moderate.  Worse, after the "dinner" was over, several visiting colleagues wanted a nightcap, so off we went.  The result being a 1:00 am arrival time at home.

The next day was worthless in terms of getting any actual work done, which wasn't bad in and of itself because I didn't really have that much to do anyway. That's one offsetting advantage to late nights with colleagues -- they are probably just as tired and hungover as you, so no one is really generating work for anyone else.  Anyway, as I was already feeling my usual post-binge need for accountability, I spent a good part of the day surfing for DD or spanking-related stories.  Without going into details, one involved the recipient getting one spanking for a major act of irresponsibility, but under circumstances that would usually result in a second, harder spanking from another family member.  Instead of trying to get out of the second one, he essentially requests it and asks that it be harder than what he has gotten before, because he knows he has screwed up and genuinely wants to wipe the slate clean.  They agree he will get a hard hairbrush spanking that by itself will leave him sobbing, followed by a long, hard strapping with a belt.  And, that is what happens.

Inspired by such tales of consequences requested and imposed, and feeling a genuinely overwhelming need to really be held accountable, I sent my wife a journal entry reminding her that our official "rule" has always been that drinking too much is one offense, and driving home is another, each meriting a separate spanking.  But, though it has been a rule, it has never really been enforced.  Therefore, although I was asking her to enforce that rule, I had no way of really knowing how bad that would be. But, I also felt like I needed to find out.  Not because I wanted that much pain, but because I did screw up, I've done it repeatedly and, if this is all real and not just some kinky game, then I need a punishment that reflects what I did and makes me not do it again. In other words, it needs to be hard enough to get the job done.

Part of me knew what I was asking for, though not really.  If it was done the way it needed to be, I would be left regretting having asked her to do this.  I know it's paradoxical.  I wanted something that I knew I  was not going to want.  But, I need the punishment for very bad behavior to, in fact, be very bad. I need it to be not just at the limits of my ability to take, but beyond.  In an ideal world, it would leave me a crying, sobbing mess after spanking #1, and I should be quaking in fear before spanking #2.  I earned something that bad, and we had agreed that I needed to get the kind of discipline that I have earned, so that the behavior is not repeated.

Although she didn't formally communicate that she agreed to subject me to the sort of discipline I was suggesting, she clearly had it in mind.   Her demeanor on Saturday was all business.  Finally, after being on pins and needles all day, I was sitting at the kitchen table around 8:00 pm getting some work done and she was in our bedroom also doing some work, when she sent me a text telling me to shut everything down and come upstairs.  I turned off my computer, put everything away and locked up, then went upstairs, where she was on the bed working on her laptop.  I stood beside the bed, waiting for her instructions.  She left me standing there in silence for several minutes, not even really acknowledging my presence.  She then asked me a series of questions about whether I had locked up downstairs and put everything away.  I couldn't remember whether I had done one particular task (probably because I was so nervous about what was about to happen).  So, she commanded me to go back down and make sure it had been done.  I trudged back downstairs, then back up to the bedroom, taking my place at her side again as she continued to work.  After again leaving me standing there in silence for several minutes, and again without looking up from her laptop, she began to lecture:

"You know what is going to happen, right?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

[pause - continuing to read without looking up]

 "Are you nervous?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Good.  You should be, since you are going to be getting two very hard spankings."

"Yes, Ma'am."

[still not looking up]

"OK. Get everything set up."

I complied immediately, not wanting to make it worse.  Most of our spankings these days have migrated from the basement to our bedroom, and occur with me draped over a large leather ottoman. I moved it to the center of the room, and retrieved her tools, including some new leather straps I bought after we decided the rubber ones were doing too much damage. 

When I was finished, she got up from the bed and went into the bathroom, instructing me to get undressed and wait for her. 

During all this, every time she instructed me to do something and I replied with "Yes, ma'am,"  there was a definite catch in my voice, like I was on the verge of tears and at risk of sobbing before the spanking even started. That hasn't happened before.  I don't know whether it was knowing how bad it was likely to be, or the emotion involved in approaching her and asking for a spanking that I knew was going to be really bad, or feeling more remorseful than usual, or some combination of all those.  But, something was definitely different.  It was so hard asking her to deliver something I knew was going to be so hard to take, but I knew I deserved it.  That emotional vulnerability is part of the process I know I need.  Humbling me and making me more open to being corrected.  The fact that the humbling seemed to be taking effect even before the first swat seemed like a good sign that I might finally actually cry during the spanking.

When she returned from the bathroom, she gave me a very strong lecture about how irresponsible I had been. It went on for probably three or four minutes. She then commanded me to get into position.

I  took my place on the ottoman, as she chose the implement she wished to start with.  I had thought that after our recent discussions about how starting with really severe tools at full force frustrated my ability to get into a submissive mindset, she might do more of a warmup.  Nope. She began with the heaviest of the new straps, and in terms of pain-producing power, it proved to be every bit the equal of the heavy rubber one for which it was a substitute. She gave me around 20 licks with it, and I was not just gasping or moaning. I was yelling out, almost screeching, with each strike.  I wouldn't be at all surprised if the neighbors overheard.  Unfortunately, it also resulted in me going into  full-blown "man up" mode, and I could never get back to that point of accepting what I had coming from a standpoint of hating the spanking but wanting the correction.  Instead, I just wanted to get through it.  Though, even in that state, there were moments when it hurt so badly that I came close to bursting into tears, though as always . . . not quite. She eventually switched to somewhate milder leather straps, but they still hurt a lot, and she finished with 40 to 50 very hard swats with some mixture of wooden paddles and the bath brush.

After it was over, she informed me I would be getting a similar one the next night.

I was incredibly sore the next day, and spent quite a bit of it sitting on an ice pack. For those who don't believe a disciplinary spanking can leave you not wanting to sit the next day, you obviously have never had a real one.  And, all through the day I got to think about the second round coming that night.  But, I still felt like I really deserved this, so when the butterflies would start flying around in my stomach I told myself: "I can't imagine what it is going to be be like.  But, I deserve this.  I even literally asked for it. So, I am going to try to prepare myself all day NOT to take it like a man and to accept her discipline as the proper consequences for what I did." I sent her a journal entry thanking her for last night, but making the point about how no warm-up and early severity is likely to work against breaking me down emotionally.  But, I told myself that regardless of the kind of spanking she decided to give me, I needed to be prepared to take it, and I needed to start it in the same mindset I began in last night -- humble, submissive, and open to crying.

Well, best laid plans . . . We ended up having guests the next night, and by the time they left my wife was tired and decided to postpone for a day.  So, another day of sitting on an already sore bottom knowing it was going to get a lot sorer.  And this time I had to be at work all day, with thoughts of what was coming that night regularly interrupting my flow.  There has been a time or two when she has announced a spanking almost out of the blue, and my heart would jump up into my throat. But, I do think the long hours of anticipation are worse and kept me even more on edge.  When I am waiting at home for one, I am so at her mercy that there is almost a sense of resignation.  But, being at work all day, knowing one is coming that night, possibly as soon as I walk in the door, creates this uncomfortable and distracting back and forth between my normal routine and thoughts about what I know I will be going through when I get home.  It seems also to make me even more complicit in my own punishment, as I have some control about how late to stay, how long to take driving home, etc.

I arrived home around 7:00. She didn't say anything about her plans, and I didn't ask.  Even though I had asked for all this, including specifically for this second spanking,  part of me definitely hoped she would get distracted and we would, once again, run out the clock before she got to it.  No such luck. At about 8:15, she came out of her office and said simply, "You have about 5 minutes to put away whatever you are working on, then go upstairs and get ready for your second spanking."

"Yes, Ma'am," I replied, resigned to take my medicine as best I could.

I again set up the ottoman and laid out her tools, then stripped naked.  As I waited for her to come up to the room,  I stood silently, very scared of how bad it was going to hurt, but telling myself that however much it did, I had earned it and could easily have avoided it.

She entered the room and was, once again, all business.  I wasn't sure whether she would lecture this time, since she had done it thoroughly and on this same topic two nights before.  But, she did, this time emphasizing that although I would have gotten one spanking for drinking too much regardless,  I could have avoided this second one simply by taking a cab home or getting a hotel room close to work.  When she had said her piece, without a hint of hesitation or reluctance to do what needed to be done she told me tersely, "OK, get into position and get prepared.  This one is going to be bad."

Even after my journal entry letter her know that no warm up was probably counterproductive in terms of getting me to really surrender, she laid into me hard from the outset.  In fact, though she switched implements three or four times, she skipped the straps entirely and used the wooden paddles and the bath brush throughout.  I didn't cry, but it was agony.  She seemed to be trying out some new techniques, too.  She usually delivers volleys of 10 or 15 in a row, then switches sides to deliver another 10 or 15. This time, she gave two or three really hard swats, then paused for several seconds, then another two or three.  Over and over again. This prevented a lot of the numbing that sometimes happens with the wooden paddles. And, no matter, how much I yelled and screeched with each swat, they just kept coming.  There were, like the previous session, times when an individual swat was so hard that I almost burst into tears.  But, I still couldn't quite do it and, unfortunately, I was again in that "just get through it" mindset.  In fact, part of me definitely resented that she hadn't taken my advice to heart about what would get me to that point of full surrender. But, I think the simple answer is that getting me to that point of catharsis was not her goal for these spankings. I had been genuinely irresponsible in a major way, and these spankings were meant to punish, pure and simple. She wanted them to be as painful as they could be, and if that meant I didn't cry or get any kind of emotional release, that was fine with her as long as the real message was delivered.

When it was over, she was not quite finished letting me know my world had changed.

"If you do anything else this week -- any breaking of the rules at all -- you will get spanked again regardless of how sore you may already be from these two spankings. Do you you understand?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"You are not to drink any alcohol at all this week.  I don't care if there are a dozen work-related events requiring handing out with colleagues or potential business contacts, you are not to drink.  Got it?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Good, because if I have to spank you again this week, god help you."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"You also are grounded.  You are to come straight home from work every day. Particularly on Friday.  No happy hour with the team. That seems to be what often gets you into trouble, so we'll just remove that temptation.  Understood?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"OK. Go get ready for bed."

I gathered my clothes and made my way to the bathroom to get ready for bed, as instructed. My legs were shaking so badly and my bottom so hurting to its core that I could barely manage to get up and walk.  Itt is difficult to even describe how much my bottom ached.  I slept on my stomach most of the night, and even the sheet hurt as it moved over my bottom from time to time during the night.  Oddly, I expected my butt to be a bruised mess the next day, but it wasn't actually any worse than after the first spanking, and the residual pain wasn't really any worse either. I have no way of explaining that.  One noticeable difference from a normal spanking, however, is that I am now five days post-spanking, and definitely still feeling noticeable pain when I sit down.  Usually, the pain goes away after one or two days, even if I still have some marks. And, the marks are not fading fast, which created its own more lingering form of punishment this week. I worked out in the gym every morning, and every morning I had to put a towel on over my gym shorts before putting them on and  taking them off, and I had to leave the towel in place as I  pulled on my underwear and pants after my shower, because the bruises would have been visible from many feet away.

Well, that is a lot of writing for one posting, And, without any real topic attached to it, I will just invite you to comment on any aspect that catches your attention or that you think merits some discussion.  I'm also happy to try to answer any questions you may have.

I hope you all have a great week.  If you are new to this group, please stop by the Guestbook (tab above) and tell us a little about your Domestic Discipline or FLR lifestyle or aspirations.