Hello all. Welcome back to The Forum. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships. I hope you had a good week.
Mine kind of sucked. Work in my industry tends to come in waves, with big projects coming and going. This week started neck deep in a huge project, then it suddenly went away. I think many around me felt a sense of relief at the slackening of the frenetic pace, but I always go the opposite direction, feeling antsy and nervous and wondering when the next new big piece of work will come in. I also ended up with a nasty stomach bug that I'm only now beginning to recover from. And, to top it all off, in the course of doing some business socializing to try to scare up a new project, I left a new laptop somewhere I shouldn't and someone walked off with it. The timing was perfect, since last week's topic on being spanked for chores, sloppiness, carelessness, etc. was still garnering responses. It was a mistake, but one that left me really irritated with myself, because I have a habit of walking off and leaving things, very often my credit card, fairly often my coat, and everyone once in awhile my phone or laptop.
Another reason for leaving the carelessness topic open for another week is my writer's block continues. I just can't think of a damn thing that really interests me regarding DD and FLR right now. That happens sometimes. And, this dryspell really does seem to be tied to this one aspect of my life. In others, my mind is fairly active. I've been reading a lot, with my usual omnivorous lack of focus. I've been reading a book on Tantric philosophy (the real stuff, not the Western sexual crap that has little or nothing to do with historical Tantra), a historical biography (Ulysses S. Grant), some religious history stuff, and a self-help book on habit formation. I just can't think of a damn thing I'm really interested in regarding DD right now.
In fact, I seem to be having some senior moments where the whole topic is concerned. At first, I thought that maybe I would get out of coming up with something that interested me, by instead of focusing on something that seems to interest many others but does not do anything for me, namely chastity. Hence the quote at the top of the page. Then, I did a quick word search on the titles of previous posts and realized I did that one less than six months ago. How time flies.
So, what to talk about? One that has been on my mind a little bit recently is "punishment" vs. "discipline" in the context of a DD relationship. One reason this has been on my mind is some of my own recent DD experiences, including the "multiples" I received for drinking too much and then driving home. My wife and I generally communicate a lot about our DD and FLR lifestyle, or at least I communicate in the form of my journal and she generally takes it in and sometimes lets me know what she is thinking or adjusts if I say something just isn't working. It was in that vein that I told her after one of our sessions that if part of the goal was to bring about real "surrender" on my part, she might consider doing more of a warmup, and using someone more forgiving tools, as the combination of no warmup swats and using really tough instruments was leading me to "man up," in a way that made it impossible to just give in and let go. Yet, she didn't change at all. She still goes right at it, full force, every time. After several attempts to raise this as an issue, it is clear that she has decided in this instance that she is going to keep keep doing it the way she wants. While she hasn't let me in on her thinking yet, I suspect it reflects a desire on her part to really punish me for bad behavior, i.e. to make it hurt very badly from start to finish, and she just doesn't care that much whether I "surrender" to it or not.
When I step back and look at the situation objectively, what she is going makes some sense in the overall context of a DD relationship, though it also probably runs counter to what many men say they are looking for. Many of us seem to want that cathartic experience in which a spanking becomes too much, or in which the remorse is so powerful, that we just let it all go. And, while we may dress it up as a show of submission and respect that we would surrender in that way to her authority, it also is undeniably something that we want for its impact on our own ego, psyche, etc. I think that what she is saying with refusing to get on board with my suggestions in this area is that when I really deserve to be punished, that is what it is about. Something that meets my goals in that instance isn't at all what she cares about. Quite the opposite. If I have a desire to cry or experience some kind of catharsis from a spanking, cooperating with that is really fulfilling my desires and giving me something I want, which really runs counter to what the punishment is supposed to accomplish. I want it to serve some purpose in helping me surrender and let go of my resistance. She just wants it to hurt badly enough and long enough that I don't engage in the bad behavior again for a good long while.
Are punishment and discipline separate and distinguishable, and do they entail different kinds of "corrections"? Is their goal the same? Or, is it a matter of whose perspective we are looking at it from? She might be looking to instill more discipline in me or cause me to feel remorse, but she also may see some personal value to her in punishment as pure "giving me what I have coming."
I hope you all have a great weekend.