Reasonable orders are easy enough to obey; it is capricious, bureaucratic or plain idiotic demands that form the habit of discipline. - Barbara W. Tuchman
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships. I hope you all had a great weekend.
Mine was interesting. First business trip since the Covid lockdown. It was interesting comparing how two different areas of the country are complying with Covid shutdowns and mask requirements. I thought our area was pretty good when it came to masks, but the city I travelled to was much better. It didn’t surprise me that we are seeing a substantial uptick where we live but the city I traveled to isn’t. It’s also interesting how masks have become part of some people’s everyday routine. I’ve actually gotten pretty good at eating and drinking with one.
This is one of those weeks that I’m not getting much in the way of inspiration for a new topic. I was looking through some old ones and came across the topic of “undeserved punishment,” and also saw the above quote. For some reason, a topic related to giving in to orders you chafe against, or taking a spanking you personally don’t think you deserve, resonated with me this week. I think maybe it is because there was a dispute going on at work, and I was firmly in one of two competing camps. I was hopeful that the powers-that-be would get to the right decision, but I did spend a fair amount of time thinking about what I’d do if they didn’t. So, maybe that context was in my mind when I saw the above quote and thought about the times we’ve talked about “undeserved” punishment. In any event, it’s been about two years since we talked about those topics, so let’s give it a go again.
Have you ever been given a
disciplinary spanking for something you felt you didn't deserve? Perhaps you were seemingly "caught"
doing something you really didn't do? Or, perhaps something bad did happen but
someone else was the real offender? Or, maybe you did something that wasn't
contrary to any clearly set rule, but it was something that annoyed or
aggravated your HoH, so they disciplined you for it unexpectedly? In those circumstances, how did you
react? How did it make you feel? Humbled?
Resentful? Respectful? If you are on the giving end of the spanking, have you ever imposed a punishment that maybe in retrospect wasn't really earned or was more severe than maybe he deserved?
And, for those of you in an FLR, what about giving and taking orders? Do you follow only those orders you think are “reasonable”? Or, is it sometimes a turn-on to be subject to an order precisely because it is one you do not agree with? Remember when we were kids objecting to an order that seemingly came out of nowhere and mom’s response was “Because I said so!” For those of us for whom the maternal vibe is a strong component of our attraction to DD, is that seemingly arbitrary or capricious imposition of ad hoc authority part of the attraction?
I can't think of a circumstance where I have been punished for something I really didn't do or something that I didn't know was a problem for her. The closest I can think of is a situation where I repeatedly left a chore undone, or done half-assed, and she finally had enough, ordered a spanking, and delivered a very, very hard one that evening. It was not that it was "undeserved" per se, but this chore was not so much something assigned to me under some express rule, but something I have just always done. Moreover, giving a very hard spanking for not doing a chore was not a direction either of us had taken things in up until that point. So, perhaps the right word is "unexpected" as opposed to "undeserved." There was also one time when I expected a fairly light "maintenance" session, but what I got was a full-blown punishment spanking.In both cases, there was perhaps some resentment as I pulled my pants up over my very sore bottom that night, but there was also an offsetting respect. Admiration is another good word to describe it. I felt proud of her for addressing a situation that was pissing her off and doing it strongly and decisively. My reaction was one indication I had that we might have approached a fork in the road, going from something purely DD to something more FLR-oriented, with her setting the tone and direction and taking action where she thought appropriate regardless of whether we had an agreed-upon rule that had been broken.
It speaks very well of my
wife that in well over a decade in this lifestyle, I really can't think of an
instance in which she was really "wrong" to spank me. If anything, perhaps it indicates she is
letting me get away with too much too often! And, I think that is a danger in trying
to set all the rules up front. It kind
of happened to us recently. We had a fairly
structured discussion a few weeks ago about where to take things now that we
are more or less empty nesters. It was
good, and the general direction was around her taking more control and
exercising authority in more areas. But, I did tell her that I thought for too
many years, alcohol-related offenses had been the “end all and be all” of our
DD relationship. I stressed that I wasn’t
trying to question her authority to spank me for acts of excessive drinking,
but “excessive” needed to be in reference to exceeding reasonable social limits
or doing something that put myself or others in danger. It shouldn’t just being exceeding some low
but arbitrary limit in situations where others—often friens of hers at events
she took me to—were drinking as much or more.
She agreed to that, which seemed great at the time. But, a couple of
weeks later I did have a night where I did exceed what most would consider a
reasonable limit, but she didn’t take action.
I feel like by trying to
define a rule that we both thought was reasonable, I still may have undermined
her or made her second-guess herself. The bottomline for me is these
relationships require common sense, and the "right" approach is
seldom binary. Yet, I still wonder whether my effort to come to an agreement on
a commonsense boundary around what was “spankable” may have made sense on one
level yet been counterproductive on another?
It also would be more than a little disingenuous for me to get too upset about being punished for something I didn't deserve given that, as this week illustrates, on balance I have engaged in way more bad behavior that has gone unpunished that I should not have gotten away with. So, being punished where not strictly deserved could be looked at as just a balancing of the accounts.
I hope you all have a great weekend.