Hi all. Welcome back to The Forum. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.
What a week. Work was busy, though I didn't a whole lot accomplished. Largely because I kept popping over to Politico and NPR and the Economist to see the latest D.C. drama. It's sort of like the people who go to NASCAR not for the race but to see a crash. It's sort of like DD -- it is painful and humiliating yet I can't stop myself from coming back for more.
I need to say at the outset, this may be one of the worst constructed polls I've ever done, because it's missing at least one big option, namely performance improvement. I guess that is kind of wrapped up in "accountability," but only obliquely. I also wonder what would have happened had I forced people to choose their primary motivation.
It is at least somewhat comforting to me that at least some fairly significant portion of respondents seem to be in this for the same reasons I am -- some mixture of accountability, the desire to hand over control to someone else for awhile, and being attracted to a strong and powerful woman. There is some good stuff to unpack in here.
Strong women are wanted. So many women in these relationships hold themselves back over concerns that "strong" equates to "bitchy." Clearly not so for most of the people who took the time to take this poll. Wanting a strong and powerful wife was the second most common motivation for wanting a DD relationship, right behind wanting to surrender control to someone else sometimes.
And, it's not like accomplished women are in short supply these days. While discrimination still obviously exists, I don't think it is a stretch to say that it is increasingly becoming a female dominated world. In 2009, the number of women in the workforce exceeded men for the first time. In 2014, women accounted for 55% of undergraduates in four-year colleges. Once there, they tend to earn higher grades and drop out less. Women get more Masters and Doctorate degrees than their male counterparts. In 2016, for the first time women outnumbered men in law school.
Accountability is wanted -- and needed. Every time we've had a poll or topic on what men want out of DD, accountability or needing to face the consequences of bad behavior are at or near the top of the charts. There is certainly an argument to be made that men need that accountability more than ever and that women should rule because they just aren't as susceptible to "Darwin Award" kinds of dumb-ass behavior. I read a telling statistic recently. Between the ages of 15 and 24, men are three times more likely to die than women, because they are far more likely to engage in reckless behavior or violence. Motor vehicle accidents are the most common cause of death for males in this age group, followed by homicide, suicide, cancer and drowning.
Men want to hand over control. In this poll, wanting to hand over control to someone else was the high scoring motivator for getting into a DD relationship. It is definitely part of the attraction for me. I describe my own need to hand over control in terms of needing more boundaries and rules. So, again, I may have constructed the poll very poorly in that it separated need to hand over control and need for boundaries into two different categories, when maybe they are two facets of the same general drive.
The open question for me in all this is whether women want the authority and control that many men obviously are more than willing to give them. A few years ago, I was talking to a close female friend about the whole Fifty Shades phenomenon. I told her that I had a hard time reconciling that women are, on the hand, striving hard to get at least equal treatment in the workplace, and they've had thousands of years of being seen as the weaker sex and relegated to second-class roles. So, why were so many of them attracted to a book about female submission and giving up control to a man. She gave me a kind of world-weary sigh and said, "Look. Most women already are in control at home. The reality is, we basically run the house, raise the kids and make most of the day-to-day decisions. So, on the home front, if there is a power gap, the women are already in charge."
Wise words. In your own household, when you started Domestic Discipline, was it really just an extension of a dynamic that was already there? In other words, was your wife already mostly in charge, and DD was just an incremental extension? Or, was it a reversal of your normal dynamic or an exception to it. I also wonder whether women who are already in control of the household would be happier if they did see disciplining their husbands as just part of that role. Heaven knows we seem to need it. This aspect of DD at home is one reason I love hearing from Holly, as it sounds like her mother saw disciplining her father as no different from disciplining and raising the kids.
Also, note the new poll, which asks those who are in DD relationships to identify which spouse initiated the DD aspects of the relationship, the spanker or the spankee. I decided to make this one a binary choice, so please pick the one answer that most closely fits your situation.
One last thing: I am thinking pretty seriously about restricting comments to registered users, i.e. to people who have a Google account. It's very easy to set up an account that doesn't use your real name. I'm just honestly really sick and tired of the number of comments that don't even try to advance the ball on having an actual DD-oriented conversation, and about 90% of the problematic comments are coming from "Anonymous." I've also considered setting up a private section of the blog, or even perhaps another blog or Facebook group for those very few people who reliably contribute and are clearly into Domestic Discipline and not just a spanking fetish. The problem is, several of our most regular and valued commenters (Anna, Peter, Alan, Holly, Fred to name a few) post without an account, and all the options I just mentioned require some kind of registration using an email address. So, my question for the regulars is, would requiring a Google account end your participation? Also, would you have any interest in some separate form of communication, whether another blog or a Facebook group, if it too required some kind of registration?