Saturday, August 29, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 103 - How Did You Learn About DD

Hi all.  Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum -- our weekly gathering of individuals and couples who are involved or interested in domestic discipine and female-led relationships.

I hope you had a great week.  Mine was a little busy, which caused me to get behind in responding to comments on the last topic.  I apologize for not getting to them sooner and for not responding in greater length to some of them.  Just another one of those times when worked had to take precedence over other, more pleasant, activities.  Anyway, I hope you all had a good week.

This week's topic extended from one FLR/DD wife's account of an incident with her husband that set the stage for their FLR relationship.  I won't go into any details, because they are hers to share or not share, but the short version is he did something that made her so upset that she finally just blew up and took over.   It recently occurred to me that, while I knew the details of the incident itself and that it caused her to start seriously exploring an FLR, I didn't actually know how the two came to be connected in her mind.  In other words, what was it that caused her to link the problems in the relationship with the solution of FLR and DD. 

At an even simpler level, what I am asking is, how did you first learn of DD and FLR as possible tools to use in a relationship, or as possible lifestyle choices?   I recognize that I ask this coming from the minority perspective of someone who did not have a pre-existing obsession with spanking that later naturally extended into DD, and I definitely had never heard of the concept of DD until well into my 30s.  Had I not seen some reference to the Disciplinary Wives Club, I'm not sure I would have ever come to know the concept even existed.  So, for me, the progression went in short order from not thinking at all about adult spanking, to seeing an episode of Real Sex on HBO that focused on erotic spanking and that caused some reaction in me and led to a short and fairly unfulfilling period of experimentationwith erotic spanking, to finding the DWC and becoming very fixated on the whole concept. And, were my wife to answer this question, she would say she heard about DD from me after I found the DWC website and very tentatively asked her to look at it.

So, how did you first learn about DD and FLR as lifestyle concepts?  The internet?  If so, was there a particular website?  Maybe read about in an erotic magazine or book?  Knew a friend in the lifestyle?  Had a dramatic blow up fight with your spouse and one of you somehow came up with the idea of using spanking to fix the situation?

I hope you all have a great weekend.  Also, please note that I posted a new poll that seeks to test the frequency of spanking, and I also re-started the poll that seeks information on whether our readers are in an active DD relationship.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 102 - Fetish

Hi all.  Welcome back to the Forum -- our weekly discussion group on Domestic Discipline and Female Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.

This week's topic extends from one of last week's comments,  it's probably something we have covered a bit before.  Unfortunately after two and a half years of blogging about a single overarching theme, it's getting increasingly hard to think of a truly original topic.  But, let's give this one a try and see if, given all the new contributors, we can do something different with it.

This week's question is, to what extent is your domestic discipline or FLR relationship motivated by a fetish for spanking?  Is spanking a tool you use to serve the higher purpose of imposing discipline and correcting bad behavior, or is all the talk of a higher purpose really just a gloss imposed on what is really a deep seated need for a good bottom warming?

I do reject the notion that I personally have a spanking fetish per se, at least to the extent that a fetish typically involves some long-standing compulsion or interest.  I realize I seem to be an exception, but I really don't think I ever once thought about adult spankings, whether erotic or disciplinary, until I was in my late thirties.  I'm very confident that I didn't have a fetish for F/m domestic discipline, as I had never even heard of the concept until I saw a reference to the Disciplinary Wives Club.  Now, I do admit that I found that reference while looking for spanking-related material, but we had only recently began incorporating some playful spanking into our erotic relationship and it was really just something to spice things up.

So, how much of your interest in domestic discipline is really motivated by a desire to be spanked, versus a need to be subject to other authority, a desire to be led by your wife, or some other factor?

Have a great week.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 101 - Maintenance Spankings

Hi all.  Happy Saturday.  I hope you had a great week.  Welcome back to the Forum -- our weekly gathering of men and women practicing or interested in domestic discipline and female led relationships.

We had a nice good discussion brewing at the end of hte last topic.  It's one I want to follow up on at some point, though it hasn't quite gelled into a topic in mind yet.  Something about the responsibilities of leadership or learning to be a leader.  Anyway, I'll let that one marinate for awhile.

In the meantime, let's talk about maintnance spankings.  I'll define them loosely as spankings that serve some disciplinary functin, line reinforcing the respective roles, but aren't to punish or correct specific behavior.  But, that is just my definition.  Do maintenannce spankings play a role in your relationship?  What are the positives and negatives?

I will lead off by saying we don't use them, at least intentionally.  I've always been concerned that they would send a mixed message, transforming a spanking that for us is supposed to be about punishg behavior, into something else. Now, there sometimes is such a delay between the act and retribution that the spanking feels more like maintenance than correcting a specific offense, but we're working on that.

So, tell us about your experiences or thoughts on maintenance spankings.  And have a great week.

Dan

Saturday, August 8, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 100 - Advice to Aspiring DD/FLR Couples

Happy Saturday to you all.  It is hard to believe, but this is the 100th edition of our little weekly get-togethers!  As of this morning, wrapped up in that number are 2,528 individual comments (though probably 1/3 of those are my responses) and 652,009 pageviews. Quite a growth path, given that when I look back at the first few months of its existence, it was not uncommon for weekly topics to draw one or two comments at most, and sometimes none.  Anyway, thank you all for helping make this a place where some very interesting people come to spend a few minutes each week. 

When I started this blog, I was not at all sure what I wanted it to be.  The most heartening feedback I have gotten is when someone has described this as a "relationship" blog.  It's great that it has developed that way, because it wasn't really what I was thinking when I started it.  As the title reflects, I initially saw it as a place for some disciplined husbands to get together and talk about, well, being disciplined husbands.  It has obviously grown both wider and deeper.  As my own relationship has gone from pretty straight DD to something incorporating more aspects of a broader Female Led Relationship, I've tried to expand the blog topics accordingly, while also trying to maintain some focus on that subset of FLR relationships that use corporaral punishment and other disciplinary tools to foster her leadership and his submission to her authority.  It also has expanded to include several regular Disciplinary Wife contributors, and some of them have, in turn, brought their husbands into the conversation. Or vice versa.  So, what began as a forum for a few disciplined men has expanded into something a little more.  Something that hopefully faciliates an exchange of experiences and ideas among disciplinary couples.

Now that I've gone all self-important and pretentious--  :-) --let's get to the real source of this blog's success, namely the experiences of our disciplinary husbands and wives.  In honor of the 100th iteration of this participatory forum, I want to ask everyone to contribute to our community in this way:  If you could give one piece of advice to other couples who are exploring a DD or FLR relationship, what would it be?  Conversely, if you are interested in having such a relationship or just getting started in one, what is the one question that is most on your mind and that our forum participants might be able to help with?

I hope you all have a great week!

Dan

Saturday, August 1, 2015

The Forum - Vo. 99 - Apps & Other Tools

Hello everyone.  Happy Saturday, and welcome back to the Forum.  I hope you had a great week. 

Particpatory spanking blogs like this one often host topics relatedt to implements and tools.  The discussion almost always centers on those tools that are applied directly to our upturned bottoms.  This week, let's talk about tools of a different sort.  Tools that facilitate our DD and FLR relationships in a slightly more indirect way.  Let's talk instead about the various apps, programs, communucation tools, etc. that our wives can and do use to control or monitor us, and other such DD and FLR facilitators.

I will kick things off with a couple of apps we use.  The first is a very simple little calendaring app called Streaks.  From its App Store description: "Streaks is a motivational calendar application.  It is a simple tool for fracking the consecutive days it takes to reach a certain goal.  For each day that you accomplish your task, you mark it on the Streaks calendar, motivating yourself to keep the streak going."  I use it to enter some self-improvement goal I want to accomplish or, in the DD and FLR context, some rule we have agreed to.  Like "No Excessive Alcohol" or "Daily Exercise."  Every day I check off whether I accomplished it or blew it, and I can show her the status at preset times or whenever she demands.

Another app we started experimenting with recently is called Chorma.  It is described as: "Chorma is an easy and fun way to organize chores with your partner, kids or roommates. Chorma synchronizes between devices, so it's easy to cooridnate who does what . . ."  We have just started to play with this, but it seems to be a great tool for any Head of Household, as it is basically a chore assigning tool that can sync across multiple devices.  When installed on multiple phones used by household members, it allows the administrator to assign tasks to each person, and they must check things off the list as they are done.

One other tool we use is an electronic journal.  We had experimented with paper journals tracking my behavior, etc., but there was a two-fold problem. First, they could easily be discovered and read if left around the house.  Second, the logistics fo exchanging them were not always ideal or convenient.  They also didn't work well given my business travel schedule, which made daily updates virtually impossilbe.   The solution we struck upon that seems to be working pretty well is I keep the journal as a password-protected word processing file, which I then send to her via a daily text message.  If I were ever to accidentally send the text to the wrong person, they wouldn't be able to open it without knowing the password.  Same with prying eyes looking at her phone or tablet -- unless she leaves the document open, all anyone can see is a blandly named, password protected file.

So, how about the rest of you?  Are there any similar apps and tools that you use to facilitate your DD or FLR relationship?

Have a great weekend.

Dan



Saturday, July 25, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 98 - Outing as Punishment

Hello all.  I hope you had a great week.  Mine was sort of a blur, but the sun is shining on this great Saturday in July, and I'm going to do do some enjoying.

When our disciplinary wives talk, I try to listen.  Anna and Marisa suggested a topic, so in female-led fashion, I promptly serve it up as this week's topic.






We have hit on this topic before, but it is a good one.  Outing.  How out to be.  How "out" is appropriate.  Anna and Marisa offered a slightly different spin: outing as punishment or a form of control.  Anna's question was phrased as: "How many men either fear or are aroused by the concept of others discovering they are disciplined in this manner?"  Marisa added: "How many wives have 'outed'  him to a third party, plan to do so or threatened to do so?" 



Great questions, and I look forward to a good conversation on this over the upcoming week.  Have a great weekend.

Dan



Saturday, July 18, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 97 - Outdoor Spankings

Hello all. I hope you had a great week.  For me, ust two more workdays 'til Monday! 

In response to my recent whine that I seemed to be hitting a bad case of writer's block regarding new topics, an anonymous reader suggested asking whether our readers have ever been spanked outdoors, and to please provide the titillating details. Since it is summer and all, that seems like a fun one.


To broaden the scope a little, let's include things like the iconic woodshed within our definitiion of "outdoors." 





Though, as those who have been reading the blog for a a while know, I kind of have a thing for woodsheds, barns, and other rustic DD settings.  So, I will jump on any excuse to include them in a topic.

Unfortunately, I don't have much to say on this one. I have not been disciplined outside, nor have I been spanked in a woodshed, barn or their equivalent.  So, for now, this one is an unfulfilled fetish.

Have a great week.

Dan


Saturday, July 11, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 96 - Switching

Hi all.  Welcome back to another weekend here at the Disciplined Husbands Forum.  Our participation seems to be waning, as we work our way further into this beautiful summer.  Understandable.  I can't say I am anymore inspired than the rest of our participants, or I guess I should say I am equally distracted by other things.  Pondered and pondered this morning for a good new topic, and I can't say I succeeded.  Sometimes that's just the way it is.

So, no new experience or real-life scenario motivates this week's topic.  Rather, it's just been on my list for awhile.  Let's talk about "switching," i.e. the spankee becoming a spanker and vice versa.  How many of you have "switched" roles in the past?  Is it something you still do today? Do you want to?

For me, the answer is no.  I've never had any real desire to spank my wife or any other woman.  For whatever reason, my interest in domestic discipline and corporal punihsment runs exclusively one way.  The only slight exception is that when looking for DD-oriented drawings, I often find myself attracted to ones showing female spankees, but largely because there is just more high-quality work out there depicting M/f scenarios, and they tend to show more emotion.  I really wish there was a deeper body of F/m oriented spanking art out there.  Unfortunately, I won't be contributing to the genre, as I can't even draw stick figures.

Have a great weekend!

Dan

Friday, July 3, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 95 - Leading & Following - Implications


Hi all.  I hope you have already begun a fun and relaxing Independence Day weekend.  At least those of you in in U.S.  Though it also is holiday season through much of Europe. So, I hope a majority of our community are off having fun right now with friends and family.  I decided to get an early start on this week's topic, because I will be tied up on some other things tomorrow but didn't want to get into the habit of skipping weeks. And, of course, last week's topic was drawing such a pitiful response, it seemed best to just put it out of its misery.
Part of this week's topic relaates to one of our recently closed polls, which asked:

I am [Male or Female] and Outside the Home I prefer to:
Female - Prefer to Follow
  2 (2%)
Female - Prefer to Lead
  5 (5%)
Male - Prefer to Follow
  48 (55%)
Male - Prefer to Lead
  36 (41%)

The responses form the wives were pretty low, but to the extent they are statistically significant, we seem to get more "naturally dominant" females visiting this Forum, than those who prefer to follow the lead of others.  The male response surprised me a bit, and it shows the danger of projection, i.e. of assuming that because you feel a certain way or come at things with a certain motivation, others do as well.  Outside the home, particularly at work, I prefer--strongly prefer--to be in charge.  Evem my submission at home does not come naturally. But, it is something we do because it helps the relationship and helps us both balance out our natural tendencies.  But, from the poll responses, it appears that a majority of the males (those who responded), are really following their "true" natures when they submit to someone else's authority at home.  (I am assuming, of course, that if a man is visiting this blog and taking the time to fill out this poll, then he probably is either participatiing in a DD or FLR relationship or interested in one, but that seems a fairly reasonable assumption.)  I have always believed that many DD males are attracted to it because submitting at home is a reversal of their more dominating role at work.  But, these poll results seem to suggest I am wrong with respect to a majority of the males in our community.


For the topic, I will make this a bit of an open microphone and invite people to comment on the poll results. But, I will also suggest this area of focus: does submitting in one part of your life make other parts of your life easier, or harder, when it comes to leadership and authority?  I will give a concrete example.  As I said, I have a pretty dominating personality at work.  It gets me in trouble with colleagues who outrank me in way or another.  But, the challenge has really been playing out with a particular customer.  "The customer is always right." True enough for any business or profession that rises and falls based on the quality of service it provides.  But, we all know that in reality, customers, clients, buyers, etc., are not always right.  For the last several weeks, I have been struggling with one who not only isn't always right, he's really just a complete asshole.  But, he also controls a fairly substantial amount of business.  Not enough that it would kill me if he walked away, but enough that it is certainly in my interest to continue to take his shit if that also allows me to continue to take his business.  But, I really am not very  good at that.  Submitting to someone else's authority, particularly someone who is being a jerk, just goes against every instinct.  I also can't say that submitting more at home is helping much at managing the situaiton, at least not in terms of making me able to submit more naturally.  Where it has helped, however, is I did ask my wife to make losing this particular customer a spankable offense, if the loss results from my temper or unwillingness to submit.


This issue can also cut the other way.  If you submit at home, does it make it harder for you to exercise authority at work or in other situations where authority or commanding others is required?  On this aspect, I feel like DD and FLR actually may be making me a better leader. I've always been weak at holding people accountable.  While I have a dominant personality, I also don't like exercising power over people.  It just isn't my thing.  So, when someone screws up, I tend to fume inside but outwardly accept whatever excuse they offer.  But, I'm finding myself being more direct lately in addressing under-performance.  Less willing to accept an excuse for failing to do something the way it should be done.  It's hard, but it does extend from an increasing sense that I am increasingly being held accountable at home when I fail to meet my wife's stated expectations.  I can choose to perform, and if I don't then I am, in effect, choosing ot be spanked.  If I am accountable for under-performance, then why shouldn't the people I work with be equally accountable? This whole dynamic also gives me increasing respect for what we ask of our Disciplinary Wives when we ask them to take on a leadership role that includes rigorously holding us accountable.  


Finally, given the majority of respondents who said they like to follow outside the home, do you feel like that holds you back?  Is it harder for you to succeeed at work, get a promotion, a raise, etc., if your natural inclination is to be a follower and not a leader?  And, if so, in the broader scheme of your life, is DD and FLR a positive force, or something that exacerbates and reinforces a natural inclination that isn't serving your larger life goals particularly well?
That one turned out to be a bit longer, and weightier than expected.  Conveniently, I gave everyone an extra day to consider it!

Have a great holiday, and please be safe!

Dan

Saturday, June 27, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 94 - What Should They Know?

Hi all.  Welcome to another session here at our Forum. 

As I have discussed from time to time, while my first several years in this lifestyle was focused on domestic dicscipline, recently we have been exploring taking it to a new and different level. Before this year, FLR was never really an explicit goal of our relationship.  It was more classic domestic discipline, of the sort that Fred lives and has been kind enough to describe.

When change happens, it's often gradual and its impetus may be varied.  This subtle shift we are going through from DD to a wider FLR is like that.  Some of it came as a direct result of connections made through this Forum.  Exploring the more FLR-oriented portion of the disciplinary spectrum, through comments on this blog, through the blogs maintained by members of our community, and sometimes through emails with some of our members, left me more open to exploring wider themes of submission.  Frankly, my own inability to conform to authority was also part of the impetus, as I continued to watch my maverick orientatoin and inability to follow rules at work continue to limit opportunities (though while undeniably making opportunitiies as well).  Hence, our increasing exploration of FLR as I have asked my wife to continually take more and more of the lead.

In inching toward a more FLR-oriented lifestyle, we inevitably move toward a more transparently female-led lifestyle.  Spankings are episodes; FLR is more of a continuing power exchange and, if the woman is leading and making decisions, that is inevitably going to be on display at various levels.  And, how far that leadership extends may be a function of the settings in which it is allowed to be on display.  In trying to really embrace her leadership, we keep confronting the issue of how transparent to be about it.

Hence, last week's topic focused (or tried to) on interferences and impediments to living the DD or FLR lifestyle.  One that always comes up is children, and this time it was no different.  Though, my question also tried to get at what role our need for anyonymity conflicts with our desire to make DD/FLR a bigger part of our lives.  But, this week, let's stick to the children issue, particularly since Marisa and K.D. were beginning to have an exchange on that exact issue from seemingly very divergent perspectives.

So, for this week's topic I ask, what should kids know and when?  Marisa's position (if I am representing it accurately) was that they should not, while they are kids,  know about the physical disciplinary aspect of the relationship.  KD, on the other hand, lives a life where it is all out in the open.   We seem to have both ends of the spectrum represented, so let's open it up to those who may be at either end or somewhere in between.

I admit to being a fence-sittter on this one.  Our ability to keep things secret is probably less than we imagine.  Kids always know more than you think they do.  There also can be a big, bitg price to be paid for maintaining secrecy while trying to develop a deeper FLR, because keeping thing opaque also may mean the FLR takes root only in limited, sporadic ways because it is seldom on open display.  I also struggle with whether knowing about the DD elements of a marriage would really have the negative impact that some people think, or whether most kids even care that much about what their partents do, beyond the normal mild to moderate distaste at the idea of any adult engaging in anything sexual, let alone kinky.  Rhiannon has asked on her blog whether, perhaps, kids are so wrapped up in their own worlds that they don't care about what we do mearly as much as we presume.  Also, might their reaction depend a lot on the age at which they learn about it?  Coming out for the first time when they are teenagers could be unsettling, but what if a fully "out" FLR that included DD was just what they grew up with as young kids?   And, finally, to what extent, if at all, does gender matter?  I don't think it is the worst thing in the world for young women to grow up with a strong sense of female empowerment, since god knows they are confronted with enough negative images and inputs on that front. But, what about boys -- would knowing dad gets spanked give them an increased respect for women, or a decreased level of respect for dad?

Big themes, and I know we have explored this one before.  But, our community here continues to grow, so sometimes it is good to revisit and open things up to our new members to give their perspective.

Have a great weekend!

Dan

Saturday, June 20, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 93 - Interference

Hi all.  I hope you had a great week.  Sorry again for last week's absence.  Many of us have expressed frustation at one point or another with the extent to which "real life" interferes with our best intentions regarding domestic discipline and FLR.  Last week was one of those times for me, and it was the blog that was interfered with.  I promise to try not to let that happen very often, though I am finding that Saurdays are getting increasingly busy and more often than usual I am not near a computer for large parts of the morning.  I'm trying to figure out how to deal with that -- perhaps trying to draft a post earlier in the week so it is ready when Saturday morning comes.  I also might start posting on Friday nights.  Though, my posting and comments already suffer sometimes from lack of proofreading, and given the prevalence of Friday happy hours and social events,  I doubt posting that day will aid in my efforts to produce a quality product.

These thoughts about real life interfering with our best intentions provided an easy segue into a blog topic.  What aspects of the rest of your life interfere the most with your efforts or goals regarding DD or FLR, and what do you do, if anything, to try to minimize or mitigate them?  Are the interferences family related, work, social activities, business travel?  Or, do you simply not allow such things to interfere when punishment or discipline has been earned?  One aspect of this that I am particularly curious about is whether all or most of the major interferences are also tied up in the fact that for most of us, the DD and FLR aspects of our relationships are something we keep hidden from others.  Would being more open about this thing we do result in it being a deeper and more regular part of our lives?  Imagine how much our lives might change if all our wives had no problem with something like this:



I hope you all have a great weekend.

Dan


Friday, June 12, 2015

One Week Hiatus

Hello all.  I have some things I need to take care of this weekend and probably won't be near a computer to do a topic posting.  So, the blog will take a break for a week.  That will also give everyone some additional time to answer last week's topic, given that lots of people posted but few actually on topic.  :-)

Have a good weekend.

Dan

Saturday, June 6, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 92 - Entertainment

Hi all.  I hope you had a great week.  We've had some good discusssions lately, getting at the roots of how people think about their DD and FLR relationships, what motivates them, etc.  With summer upon us though, let's switch gears a little and take things in a slightly lighter direction.

I finished my work week with a little diversion.  A night at the movies, which is a luxury I haven't had in awhile thanks to a hellishly busy work environment. But, by Friday I had hit the inevitable wall and needed an escape.  Following through on that escapist bent, I went to see Mad Max: Fury Road.  One of its predecessors, The Road Warrior, is one of my personal favorites for testosterone-laden escapist adventures.   (Probably because in addition to my other vices, I like to go fast, in just about every aspect of my life, for good or bad.)  This latest contribution to the series is, however, a little different and reflects some of what we have been talking about recently in terms of gender roles and expectations and how they impact leadership. One reviewer characterized the movie as "a kinetic, hallucinatory, boldly feminist chase flick," which sums it up pretty well -- but who would have thought "boldly feminist" would appear in the same sentence with "chase flick."  But, there it is, and it's accurate.

 As with most really good movies, this one doesn't tell, but shows.  The lead character, by the end of the movie, really isn't Max but, rather, the female protagonist, Imperator Furiosa, played by Charlize Theron.  She is the real "road warrior" in this flick. But, more than warrior.  Leader.  In this male-famale adventure match up, she is clearly the stronger player, in terms of both warrior-ing and leading.  There is a great scene where the bad guys are coming, the good guys are down to three bullets.  Max fires the rifle twice.  Misses twice.  He hesitates for a moment, then hands the gun to Furiosa, who fires and hits.  It is a subtly powerful scene, with the warrior Max handing over the power to someone he knows is his better.  And, like many really confident leaders, she doesn't demand or force.  She lets him figure out that she is better than him in this area,  allows the time necessary for him to make a free choice to hand leadership over to her and, once he does, she performs.  Again, a lot going on in that one scene.  

But, enough about that particular flick, particularly after I just said I wanted to go more light-hearted. This week's topic is about DD, FLR and similar power-exchange lifestyles in the movies and literature.  What is your favorite movie, book or television show with such themes? Or that explore female leadership in positive or interesting ways?

Have a great weekend.

Dan

Saturday, May 30, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 91 - Would You Do It Again

Hello all.  Welcome back.  I hope you had a good week.

We had a poll close, this one focusing on where our US readers are located.  Here are the results:

Northeast
  13 (22%)
Southeast
  6 (10%)
Midwest
  15 (25%)
Southwest - Rocky Mountaiin West
  9 (15%)
California
  13 (22%)
Pacific Northwest
  3 (5%)

I'm not sure what to say about this one, other than the Pacific Northwest seems remarkably uninterested in DD and FLR blogs.  I didn't have many preconceived notions of how this one might turn out, but I did think the results for the Southeast might be higher, give the prevalance of corporal punishment in that area of the country until relatively recently. 

In case people are intersted, here are the most recent Blogger statistics showing the country-by-country breakdown of our readership:

United States
3998
United Kingdom
591
Greece
556
Germany
263
Canada
186
Poland
160
France
153
Netherlands
134
Ukraine
80
Russia
77

I''m always a little suspicious of these figures, however, because I have noticed over time that the variability from week to week is huge, and I'm not sure what would account for that.  It does make me wonder whether the statistics genuinely reflect where readers are located, versus where certain internet servers are located.  In other words, are there a high percentage of our readership using services that disguise their identity by routing traffic through various proxy servers.  Or, are there other explanations that to go way beyond my level of technical sophistication.

Anyway, observations on the above are obvisously welcome, though I don't have much personally to add.  I would be curious to hear more from our non-US readers about the extent to which female led relationships, including DD and FLR, are accepted in their countries and cultures.

But, I also wanted to get to a topic that Marisa raised a couple of weeks ago, namely if your current relationship ended, would you continue to use DD?

For me, the answer is yes.  To the point that if my current relationship ended, I think I would probably actively seekk out someone who was interested in, or at least open to, a DD and/or FLR relationship.

Finally, I've added a new poll, this one designed to test the extent to which our preferences for leadership in the home are reflected in our preferences in other contexts, particularly work.  In order to keep it simple, I have assumed that men who are likely to read this blog want to follow the wife's lead at home, and that she wants to lead in that context.  I know that is a gross over-simplification, but I wanted to keep this one relatively simple and binary.

I hope you all have a great weekend.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 90 - Consistency #2

Hi all. For those in the US, I hope you are enjoying the long holiday weekend.  I am feeling more than a little lazy today.  Well, honestly, it's more exhaustion than laziness.  In any event, I am not feeling particularly inpsired when it comes to topics.  

So, let's extend our talk on consistency a little.  It seems clear that many of us want consistency in our DD and FLR relationships.  Some have achieved it.  For others, it is challenging.  So, what are the major impediments for building more consistency?  Kids? Social events? Work? Work-related travel?  For those of you who have managed to build more consistency into your DD and FLR relatonships, how did you get there?  What conflict tips can you give to the rest of us?

Have a great weekend.

Dan

Saturday, May 16, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 49 - Consistency

Hi all. I hope you had a great week and are heading into a fun and/or relaxing weekend. 

This week's topic relates to something we've talked about under the general heading of "More," i.e. what more we want from our DD and FLR relationships.  The "more" in the case of this week's topic is "consistency."  What role does consistency play in your relationship?  Is DD more an event, or a process?  Meaning, is it something that happens sporadically for specific infractions, or is it something that is part of a more consistently applied disciplinary or FLR regimen?

One theme I would like to see us explore a bit is, for the Disciplinary Wives, is it hard to be consistent, or harder NOT to be?  This is an issue Rhiannon has explored on her blog, and she took my own thoughts on this in  a different direction.  I had always assumed that being the leader in an FLR-oriented relationship, or doling out DD punishments consistently, could be a very difficult thing, because of the need to be "on" all the time.  Always, or at least very often, in that control position and that leader mindset.  But, as her blog points out, the converse may be even more of a problem.  The on again, off again ebbs and flows might keep the disciplinary wife always on edge and never quite getting into a personal zone where she really feels in control.

I know this is a broad topic, but that seems to work well with this group.  Throwing out a general theme and letting people take it where they will.

I hope you all have a great weekend.

Dan

Saturday, May 9, 2015

The Forum Vol. 88 -- What Holds You Back?

Hi all.  I hope you had a great week and are heading into a relaxing weekend. That was a good discussion last week.  Somehow, I never tire of topics that hit the question of origins, how people get started in domestic discipline, from one angle or another.  Thanks to everyone who contributed.  It was especially heartening to see the number of new contributors we've picked up in the last few weeks.

We had another poll close this week.  This one was directed at our Disciplinary Wives and asked, "What holds you back from assuming greater authority or giving stricter discipline?" There were 27 total votes, and people were allowed to vote for more than one option.  Here are the results:

Social conditioning re gender roles
  10 (37%)
Reluctant to really "hurt" him
  13 (48%)
Uncomfortable being perceived as "bitchy"
  8 (29%)
Afraid he will resist
  5 (18%)
Unpracticted in leading
  7 (25%)
Other
  5 (18%)

 There are some obviousl problems with this poll.  As someone pointed out shortly after I posted it, there is no option for "nothing."  Some women are leading fully actualized DD relatonships, and nothing is holding them back.   That may, or may not, be what is going on wiht the relatively high numboer of "Other" answers in this one.  On the other hand, I'm not surprised that "social conditioning" and the reluctance to dole out something really painful are way up there.

I don't feel like I have a lot more to add personally to this one, and I'd love to hear from the wives.  So, tell us about what what, if anything, holds you back from being the Leader or Disciplinarian you want to be or that your husband tells you he really wants or needs.

I also added a new poll.  Nothing particularly provocative.  Just more curiosity about who we are.  Also, my apologies to the first 7 people who voted, but I had to pull it down and restart when I realized I left out a category.  Unfortunately, the Blogger polling gadget doesn't allow you to modify a poll once someone has voted.

Have a great week.

Dan




Saturday, May 2, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 87 - That One Event

Hello all.  I hope you had a great week.  Anna's topic from last week generated a great discussion.  It was also a heartening experience for people living the lifestyle or interested in it, because many of the "ideal" scenarios our group described were not just male Femdom fantasy fare, but well within in the norm for many DD couples.  It was especially inspiring that many couples apparently already are experiencing their ideal.

Now, on to this week's topic.  Our polls show that it is very often the man who initiates the DD relationship, by asking for it.   Though, every once in awhile, a Disciplinary Wife initiates it on her own.  Many men also express that they had been very interested in spanking, DD or FLR-type relationships for some time before they actually had an opportunity to pursue on.  So, this week's question is, was there a specific event that caused you finally to ask for it?  Some particular bit of bad behavior?  Maybe a point of high stress or remorse?  Perhaps the fascination just finally became overpowering? Or, did the opportunity finally present itself, so you took it?

I hope you all have a great weekend.

Dan

Saturday, April 25, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 86 -

 Hello all.  I hope you had a good week and are enjoying the weekend. 

This week's topic comes from one of our Disciplinary Wives.  Anna suggested this topic:

"As a wife I would love to know what the ideal or dream scenario men find they think of most [regarding discipline]. That would include place, positon, verbal abuse or not, verbal warnings or not, weapons of choice. Position of choice and to me as a woman what sort of after care would they find would be best for them."

So guys, when you think about your ideal disciplinary relationship or scenario, what does it look like?  Let's also broaden it a bit to include our Disciplinary Wives' ideals and dreams.

Have a great week.

Dan

Saturday, April 18, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 85 - Poll Results & New Poll

Hi all.  Welcome back to the Forum. I hope you had a good week.  I thought last week's discussion was great, with many different views exchanged.

Another poll closed last week, this one aimed at our Disciplinary Wives.  It aksed what motivates them to participate in a DD or FLR lifestyle.  There were 32 responses, which is great.  Here are the results.

Makes me feel powerful
  10 (31%)
Give me more control over my life
  12 (37%)
Punishing his bad behvior clears the air
  14 (43%)
Punishment makes him behave better
  17 (53%)
He asked me to, so I accommodate iit but am not that into it
  7 (21%)
I am a natural Dominant, so this lifestyle fits me
  9 (28%)
Other
  2 (6%)

It's an interesting distribution, and at least somewhat assuring that our Disciplinary Couples are in it for similar reasons.  The two highest responses both focused on the punishment aspect of DD, and the same was true of a poll we did of the husbands a few weeks ago.  For a significant number of couples, it appears that both spouses are motivated to use DD because it is designed to correct bad behavior.

Looking back at this poll, I probably could have done a better job with the options, though only 2 women chose "Other."  One option that is clearly missing is pure erotic or sexual motivation, i.e. using spanking and discpline because it is sexually arousing.  I also tied punishment to "clearing the air" and behavior modification, but maybe it serves other purposes, such as pure retaliation or giving the wife a way to voice her displeasure in a very concrete way, though that is sort of subsumed in "clearing the air."

In any event, in terms of using this as a springboard for further discussion, I would like to invite the women who participated to tell us a little more about why they do This Thing We Do, what they get out of it, and what purpose it serves in their relationship.   Guys, let's make the Disciplinary Wives feel welcome, which means using our manners.  Based on conversations with one of the few female FLR bloggers out there, I have come to realize that one reason there are, in fact, so few of them is any time one of them posts anything they get bomarded with a bunch of random strangers calling them Mistress or Goddess and hitting them up with variations of, "I know you're married, but if you would ever consider spanking someone other than your husband, I would be honored . . ."  None of that in relation to this post, please. 

I have also posted a new poll.  Like last time, this one is for the women.  As those who follow this blog and our polls know, a few months ago we ran a poll that confirmed that most men want their DD and FLR wives to be harder on them.  More strict, more controlling, and deliveirng more intense punishment.  The new poll asks the question, if that is what so many men want, what holds you back or makes it harder for you to assume that more strict and dominating role.

Have a great week.

Dan