Saturday, October 3, 2015

The Forum -- Vol. 7 -- Poll: Where do Your Spankings Happen

Hi all.  Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum, our weekly discussion group of topics near and dear to the hearts of those practicing or interested in Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week and have a fun and relaxing weekend ahead.  Doesn't everything just feel better now that football season is back in swing?

One of our polls closed last week.  It asked where most of your disciplinary spankings occur.  We got 123 responses, which is about average for our polls, whcih I usually leave up for about three weeks.  Here are the results:

  87 (70%)
  6 (4%)
Living/family room
  20 (16%)
  5 (4%)
  5 (4%)

Not unexpectedly, the bedroom won this one decisively.

 The living room/family room came in a distant second.

The kitchen got a handful of votes.

I neglected to ask about the bathroom, which is another obvious candidate.

 Or for those lucky few, something earthier, like a barn or woodshed.

For us, it's the basement.  For most of our DD relationship, we have had kids in the home. The layout of the house makes bedroom spankings less than ideal, as they can be easily overheard through a door or a wall.  Fortunately, our current house has a small storage room in the basement, which we have converted to a makeshift discipline room.  It is barely large enough to serve the purpose, but we've made it work. It is currently in a cluttered state, but over time I would like to make it a bit more ornate and formal, to suit the seriousness of the disciplinary instruction that she delivers there.

So, tell us all about where you get spanked the most, and why that particular room or place was chosen.

Have a great weekend!

Saturday, September 26, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 106

Hi all.  Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum -- our weekly gathering of husbands and wives engaged or interested in Domestic Discipline and Female Led Relationships.

I hope you had a great week.  I was really glad to have mine come to an end.  Work has been a killer, constant travel, and just basically one of those weeks where everything that could go wrong did.  But, it's a beautiful early Fall weekend, and I hope you are all out enjoying it.

We had a great discussion last week.  One surprise was just how much the discussion of "alternative" or "additional" punishments has changed in less than a year.  When we last talked about that topic, it did not draw much interest, and what little there was seemed to be fairly strongly opposed to using anything other than spanking as punishment in a Domestic Discipline relationship.  This time, there was a much more open, and positive, discussion of various alternatives.  I wonder if part of the reason for the change is the slightly different direction this blog has gone in.  When it began, and until about a year ago, I had kept it pretty tightly aligned with Domestic Discipline of the corporal punishment variety.  Over the last year, however, as my own relationship started to explore larger dimensions of Female-male power exchange that went beyond sporadic, episodic spankings for particular offenses and started to explore Female Led Relationships, the blog went a bit in that direction as well.  And, with that broader emphasis, we seem to be bringing in regular readers who are interested not just in discipline via spanking, but in various other forms of female leadership and direction.

While I understand the opposition to grounding, taking away privileges, added chores, and other "alternative" or "additional" forms punishment or control, all I can say is that for us, it seems to be working. And after a period of pretty strong internal resistance on my part. Alan observed in a comment to the last topic that "alternative" forms of punishment can breed resentment.  I agree, though I think that is true of ALL forms of punishment to the extent they are really functioning as punishment, i.e. as something that is not enjoyable, is uncomortable and hard to take, and that are aimed at real behavioral correction.  And, there has, in fact, been a fair amount of resentment on my part.  I first suggested taking things in more of an FLR direction after reading about it on other blogs and discussing it with one FLR practitioner who has become a real mentor to me on this, albeit electronically.  As my wife started giving it a try, it went in a "service FLR" direction that I really hated, and still do to a large extent. But, it also undeniably gave her increasing confidence as she exercised this new and incremental authority.  And, when she finally took the step toward grounding me after a recurring offense, it seemed a a real sea change in where our relationship is going.  I have always said that the important part for me about DD--the part that I really need--is for someone to impose real boundaries on my behavior.  The "alternative" or "additional" punishments we have been exploring seem to really be effectuating that change in a way that spanking alone never quite achieved.

An example I gave in the comments to last week's topic is instructive.  Yesterday afternoon, the office mates and I decided to kill of a very long week with a quick happy hour drink.  The wait service turned out to be incredibly slow, and I was sitting there waiting for my first drink with the clock  ticking such that I was going to be late for an early dinner with some of my wife's familly.  A few months ago, in all likelihood I would have at least finished the drink, kept talking with my colleagues, and made it to dinner 30 minutes or more late.  This time, I just paid for my undelivered drink and left.  I really don't think that would have happened if the only consequence I would have suffered for my tardiness was a spanking.  Instead, I knew that if I was late there was  a pretty good chance I would find myself grounded from ALL happy hours for a week or more.  So, for us it is working, and I intend to keep submitting to it, even if doing so makes me resentful sometimes.

Now, on to this week's topic, though it is an off-shoot.  During last week's discussion, there was a small set of comments exchanged regarding strap-ons, and whether they function as real punishment.  I have steered clear of this topic in the past, along with most topics that really get into explicit sexual acts, as I want to make sure this blog remains a welcoming place for people with all ranges of comfort levels about particular sexual activities.  But, this seemed to be one that people are interested in and, with some approppriate restraint, I'm sure it can be dealt with maturely.  So, let's talk about that specific issue, but also broaden it a bit.  There were two strains that seemed to be going on in the brief set of comments from last week. First, does the strap-on act as a true punishment for the male?  Second, does it empower the woman in some way and, correspondingly, disempower him or "put him in his place"?  For the women who have used them and enjoyed the experience, did it make you feel empowered in some way different from delivering a spanking?  And, to broaden it a little more, are there other ways that our Disciplinary Wives and Female Leaders send those unmistakable messages that they are the ones in charge?

Have a great week!

Saturday, September 19, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 105 - Grounding and Alternative Punishments

Hi all.  Welcome back to our weekly forum on domestic discipline and female led relationships.

Last week's conversation on how often we are punished seemed to spark a good amount of interest.  This week, let's talk about how, not how often.  This blog obviously focuses a lot on corporal punishment.  But, that is hardly the only form of punishment available to wives who want to see real, positive behavioral change.  So, this week's topic is, what role do alternative punishments play in your relationship  DD or FLR relationship?

We have talked about this topic before, but it's been on my mind recently because we have been experimenting with "grounding."  The punishment is much like what one would impose on a misbehaving teenager.  Basically, restricting my freedom as punishment for abusing the freedom I usually enjoy.  For example, if I drink too much with the guys at a Friday happy hour, and I find myself grounded, i.e. prohibited from drinking at all for a week.  It has been very effective so far, largely because it serves not only as punishment but as a preventative, sort of like the preventative spankings a few of our forum members have talked about.  It also is a form of punishment that is a little harder to hide from others.  A bruised bottom can be easily hidden from view. But, declining to partake in some activity because you've been ordered not to do it -- that is inherently harder to cover up. 

Do you have similar alternative disciplinary practices? Grounding?  Loss of privileges?  Additional household chores?  Please share your thoughts and experiences.


Saturday, September 12, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 104 - Spanking Frequency

Hello all. Welcome back to the Forum -- our interactive discussion of topics that are, hopefully, interesting, fun and important to those in domestic discipline and FLR relationships, and those who would like to be.

I hope you had a nice, short work week.  Thanks to those who kept the conversation going a bit while I was being lazy.

A few weeks ago, when I was bemoaning a lack of inspiration on new topics, a really obvious one occurrred to me.  Kind of right there under my nose was a simple one that I don't think we have really touched on during the entire history of this blog: How often are you spanked?  So, I posted a poll, and here is what the readers have to say about it:

5 or less
            26 (23%)
Between 5 and 10
            11 (9%)
Between 10 and 20
            29 (26%)
More than 20
            45 (40%)

We seem to have a misbehaving readership.  Almost half of the respondents spanked more than 20 times a year!  Of course, what I probably should have asked is, how often do you receive disciplinary or punishment spankings.  Unfortunately, I never think of those kinds of nuances until after I launch the poll. 

So, tell us about the frequency of your spankings, particularly the disciplinary and punishment variety. How often is your spouse called upon to blister your bottom thoroughly for some offense?  If you are the disciplinary spouse, how often do you feel the need to deliver that unmistakable message of disapproval?  Has the frequency changed over time?

I put my wife and I in the "between 10 and 20" tranche, but it is really at the low end of that spectrum.  Unfortunately, not so much because I don't deserve it more often, but because a signficant amount of bad behavior goes unpunished because of all of those "real life"interferences.  That may, of course, change over time.  I suspect that one reason our readership seems to tilt so heavily toward the over-50 crowd is they have entered a time in life where some social and family impediments to the DD lifestyle start to diminish.  Another factor tilting my own experience toward the lower part of the range is we don't do maintenance or erotic spankings.  Again, my bad for not defining terms in a way that might have resulted in a more apples-to-apples comparison.

Have a great week.


Saturday, September 5, 2015

Have Fun Out There

Hello all. I hope you had a great week and are either already enjoying or soon to be enjoyng a great three-day weekend (for those in the U.S.).  I was tied up most of the week and haven't even gotten to most of last week's comments.  So, I think I am going to take a little pause this weekend, including from the blog. But, just because I am being lazy, don't feel like you must do the same.  Please feel free to continue last week's discussion, or start a new thread here on anything you want to talk about (within the bounds of reason and good taste.)

Update: I did get around to answering most of last week's comments, leaving a few follow-up questions or observations.

Have a great weekend and be safe.


Saturday, August 29, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 103 - How Did You Learn About DD

Hi all.  Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum -- our weekly gathering of individuals and couples who are involved or interested in domestic discipine and female-led relationships.

I hope you had a great week.  Mine was a little busy, which caused me to get behind in responding to comments on the last topic.  I apologize for not getting to them sooner and for not responding in greater length to some of them.  Just another one of those times when worked had to take precedence over other, more pleasant, activities.  Anyway, I hope you all had a good week.

This week's topic extended from one FLR/DD wife's account of an incident with her husband that set the stage for their FLR relationship.  I won't go into any details, because they are hers to share or not share, but the short version is he did something that made her so upset that she finally just blew up and took over.   It recently occurred to me that, while I knew the details of the incident itself and that it caused her to start seriously exploring an FLR, I didn't actually know how the two came to be connected in her mind.  In other words, what was it that caused her to link the problems in the relationship with the solution of FLR and DD. 

At an even simpler level, what I am asking is, how did you first learn of DD and FLR as possible tools to use in a relationship, or as possible lifestyle choices?   I recognize that I ask this coming from the minority perspective of someone who did not have a pre-existing obsession with spanking that later naturally extended into DD, and I definitely had never heard of the concept of DD until well into my 30s.  Had I not seen some reference to the Disciplinary Wives Club, I'm not sure I would have ever come to know the concept even existed.  So, for me, the progression went in short order from not thinking at all about adult spanking, to seeing an episode of Real Sex on HBO that focused on erotic spanking and that caused some reaction in me and led to a short and fairly unfulfilling period of experimentationwith erotic spanking, to finding the DWC and becoming very fixated on the whole concept. And, were my wife to answer this question, she would say she heard about DD from me after I found the DWC website and very tentatively asked her to look at it.

So, how did you first learn about DD and FLR as lifestyle concepts?  The internet?  If so, was there a particular website?  Maybe read about in an erotic magazine or book?  Knew a friend in the lifestyle?  Had a dramatic blow up fight with your spouse and one of you somehow came up with the idea of using spanking to fix the situation?

I hope you all have a great weekend.  Also, please note that I posted a new poll that seeks to test the frequency of spanking, and I also re-started the poll that seeks information on whether our readers are in an active DD relationship.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 102 - Fetish

Hi all.  Welcome back to the Forum -- our weekly discussion group on Domestic Discipline and Female Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.

This week's topic extends from one of last week's comments,  it's probably something we have covered a bit before.  Unfortunately after two and a half years of blogging about a single overarching theme, it's getting increasingly hard to think of a truly original topic.  But, let's give this one a try and see if, given all the new contributors, we can do something different with it.

This week's question is, to what extent is your domestic discipline or FLR relationship motivated by a fetish for spanking?  Is spanking a tool you use to serve the higher purpose of imposing discipline and correcting bad behavior, or is all the talk of a higher purpose really just a gloss imposed on what is really a deep seated need for a good bottom warming?

I do reject the notion that I personally have a spanking fetish per se, at least to the extent that a fetish typically involves some long-standing compulsion or interest.  I realize I seem to be an exception, but I really don't think I ever once thought about adult spankings, whether erotic or disciplinary, until I was in my late thirties.  I'm very confident that I didn't have a fetish for F/m domestic discipline, as I had never even heard of the concept until I saw a reference to the Disciplinary Wives Club.  Now, I do admit that I found that reference while looking for spanking-related material, but we had only recently began incorporating some playful spanking into our erotic relationship and it was really just something to spice things up.

So, how much of your interest in domestic discipline is really motivated by a desire to be spanked, versus a need to be subject to other authority, a desire to be led by your wife, or some other factor?

Have a great week.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 101 - Maintenance Spankings

Hi all.  Happy Saturday.  I hope you had a great week.  Welcome back to the Forum -- our weekly gathering of men and women practicing or interested in domestic discipline and female led relationships.

We had a nice good discussion brewing at the end of hte last topic.  It's one I want to follow up on at some point, though it hasn't quite gelled into a topic in mind yet.  Something about the responsibilities of leadership or learning to be a leader.  Anyway, I'll let that one marinate for awhile.

In the meantime, let's talk about maintnance spankings.  I'll define them loosely as spankings that serve some disciplinary functin, line reinforcing the respective roles, but aren't to punish or correct specific behavior.  But, that is just my definition.  Do maintenannce spankings play a role in your relationship?  What are the positives and negatives?

I will lead off by saying we don't use them, at least intentionally.  I've always been concerned that they would send a mixed message, transforming a spanking that for us is supposed to be about punishg behavior, into something else. Now, there sometimes is such a delay between the act and retribution that the spanking feels more like maintenance than correcting a specific offense, but we're working on that.

So, tell us about your experiences or thoughts on maintenance spankings.  And have a great week.


Saturday, August 8, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 100 - Advice to Aspiring DD/FLR Couples

Happy Saturday to you all.  It is hard to believe, but this is the 100th edition of our little weekly get-togethers!  As of this morning, wrapped up in that number are 2,528 individual comments (though probably 1/3 of those are my responses) and 652,009 pageviews. Quite a growth path, given that when I look back at the first few months of its existence, it was not uncommon for weekly topics to draw one or two comments at most, and sometimes none.  Anyway, thank you all for helping make this a place where some very interesting people come to spend a few minutes each week. 

When I started this blog, I was not at all sure what I wanted it to be.  The most heartening feedback I have gotten is when someone has described this as a "relationship" blog.  It's great that it has developed that way, because it wasn't really what I was thinking when I started it.  As the title reflects, I initially saw it as a place for some disciplined husbands to get together and talk about, well, being disciplined husbands.  It has obviously grown both wider and deeper.  As my own relationship has gone from pretty straight DD to something incorporating more aspects of a broader Female Led Relationship, I've tried to expand the blog topics accordingly, while also trying to maintain some focus on that subset of FLR relationships that use corporaral punishment and other disciplinary tools to foster her leadership and his submission to her authority.  It also has expanded to include several regular Disciplinary Wife contributors, and some of them have, in turn, brought their husbands into the conversation. Or vice versa.  So, what began as a forum for a few disciplined men has expanded into something a little more.  Something that hopefully faciliates an exchange of experiences and ideas among disciplinary couples.

Now that I've gone all self-important and pretentious--  :-) --let's get to the real source of this blog's success, namely the experiences of our disciplinary husbands and wives.  In honor of the 100th iteration of this participatory forum, I want to ask everyone to contribute to our community in this way:  If you could give one piece of advice to other couples who are exploring a DD or FLR relationship, what would it be?  Conversely, if you are interested in having such a relationship or just getting started in one, what is the one question that is most on your mind and that our forum participants might be able to help with?

I hope you all have a great week!


Saturday, August 1, 2015

The Forum - Vo. 99 - Apps & Other Tools

Hello everyone.  Happy Saturday, and welcome back to the Forum.  I hope you had a great week. 

Particpatory spanking blogs like this one often host topics relatedt to implements and tools.  The discussion almost always centers on those tools that are applied directly to our upturned bottoms.  This week, let's talk about tools of a different sort.  Tools that facilitate our DD and FLR relationships in a slightly more indirect way.  Let's talk instead about the various apps, programs, communucation tools, etc. that our wives can and do use to control or monitor us, and other such DD and FLR facilitators.

I will kick things off with a couple of apps we use.  The first is a very simple little calendaring app called Streaks.  From its App Store description: "Streaks is a motivational calendar application.  It is a simple tool for fracking the consecutive days it takes to reach a certain goal.  For each day that you accomplish your task, you mark it on the Streaks calendar, motivating yourself to keep the streak going."  I use it to enter some self-improvement goal I want to accomplish or, in the DD and FLR context, some rule we have agreed to.  Like "No Excessive Alcohol" or "Daily Exercise."  Every day I check off whether I accomplished it or blew it, and I can show her the status at preset times or whenever she demands.

Another app we started experimenting with recently is called Chorma.  It is described as: "Chorma is an easy and fun way to organize chores with your partner, kids or roommates. Chorma synchronizes between devices, so it's easy to cooridnate who does what . . ."  We have just started to play with this, but it seems to be a great tool for any Head of Household, as it is basically a chore assigning tool that can sync across multiple devices.  When installed on multiple phones used by household members, it allows the administrator to assign tasks to each person, and they must check things off the list as they are done.

One other tool we use is an electronic journal.  We had experimented with paper journals tracking my behavior, etc., but there was a two-fold problem. First, they could easily be discovered and read if left around the house.  Second, the logistics fo exchanging them were not always ideal or convenient.  They also didn't work well given my business travel schedule, which made daily updates virtually impossilbe.   The solution we struck upon that seems to be working pretty well is I keep the journal as a password-protected word processing file, which I then send to her via a daily text message.  If I were ever to accidentally send the text to the wrong person, they wouldn't be able to open it without knowing the password.  Same with prying eyes looking at her phone or tablet -- unless she leaves the document open, all anyone can see is a blandly named, password protected file.

So, how about the rest of you?  Are there any similar apps and tools that you use to facilitate your DD or FLR relationship?

Have a great weekend.


Saturday, July 25, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 98 - Outing as Punishment

Hello all.  I hope you had a great week.  Mine was sort of a blur, but the sun is shining on this great Saturday in July, and I'm going to do do some enjoying.

When our disciplinary wives talk, I try to listen.  Anna and Marisa suggested a topic, so in female-led fashion, I promptly serve it up as this week's topic.

We have hit on this topic before, but it is a good one.  Outing.  How out to be.  How "out" is appropriate.  Anna and Marisa offered a slightly different spin: outing as punishment or a form of control.  Anna's question was phrased as: "How many men either fear or are aroused by the concept of others discovering they are disciplined in this manner?"  Marisa added: "How many wives have 'outed'  him to a third party, plan to do so or threatened to do so?" 

Great questions, and I look forward to a good conversation on this over the upcoming week.  Have a great weekend.


Saturday, July 18, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 97 - Outdoor Spankings

Hello all. I hope you had a great week.  For me, ust two more workdays 'til Monday! 

In response to my recent whine that I seemed to be hitting a bad case of writer's block regarding new topics, an anonymous reader suggested asking whether our readers have ever been spanked outdoors, and to please provide the titillating details. Since it is summer and all, that seems like a fun one.

To broaden the scope a little, let's include things like the iconic woodshed within our definitiion of "outdoors." 

Though, as those who have been reading the blog for a a while know, I kind of have a thing for woodsheds, barns, and other rustic DD settings.  So, I will jump on any excuse to include them in a topic.

Unfortunately, I don't have much to say on this one. I have not been disciplined outside, nor have I been spanked in a woodshed, barn or their equivalent.  So, for now, this one is an unfulfilled fetish.

Have a great week.


Saturday, July 11, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 96 - Switching

Hi all.  Welcome back to another weekend here at the Disciplined Husbands Forum.  Our participation seems to be waning, as we work our way further into this beautiful summer.  Understandable.  I can't say I am anymore inspired than the rest of our participants, or I guess I should say I am equally distracted by other things.  Pondered and pondered this morning for a good new topic, and I can't say I succeeded.  Sometimes that's just the way it is.

So, no new experience or real-life scenario motivates this week's topic.  Rather, it's just been on my list for awhile.  Let's talk about "switching," i.e. the spankee becoming a spanker and vice versa.  How many of you have "switched" roles in the past?  Is it something you still do today? Do you want to?

For me, the answer is no.  I've never had any real desire to spank my wife or any other woman.  For whatever reason, my interest in domestic discipline and corporal punihsment runs exclusively one way.  The only slight exception is that when looking for DD-oriented drawings, I often find myself attracted to ones showing female spankees, but largely because there is just more high-quality work out there depicting M/f scenarios, and they tend to show more emotion.  I really wish there was a deeper body of F/m oriented spanking art out there.  Unfortunately, I won't be contributing to the genre, as I can't even draw stick figures.

Have a great weekend!


Friday, July 3, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 95 - Leading & Following - Implications

Hi all.  I hope you have already begun a fun and relaxing Independence Day weekend.  At least those of you in in U.S.  Though it also is holiday season through much of Europe. So, I hope a majority of our community are off having fun right now with friends and family.  I decided to get an early start on this week's topic, because I will be tied up on some other things tomorrow but didn't want to get into the habit of skipping weeks. And, of course, last week's topic was drawing such a pitiful response, it seemed best to just put it out of its misery.
Part of this week's topic relaates to one of our recently closed polls, which asked:

I am [Male or Female] and Outside the Home I prefer to:
Female - Prefer to Follow
  2 (2%)
Female - Prefer to Lead
  5 (5%)
Male - Prefer to Follow
  48 (55%)
Male - Prefer to Lead
  36 (41%)

The responses form the wives were pretty low, but to the extent they are statistically significant, we seem to get more "naturally dominant" females visiting this Forum, than those who prefer to follow the lead of others.  The male response surprised me a bit, and it shows the danger of projection, i.e. of assuming that because you feel a certain way or come at things with a certain motivation, others do as well.  Outside the home, particularly at work, I prefer--strongly prefer--to be in charge.  Evem my submission at home does not come naturally. But, it is something we do because it helps the relationship and helps us both balance out our natural tendencies.  But, from the poll responses, it appears that a majority of the males (those who responded), are really following their "true" natures when they submit to someone else's authority at home.  (I am assuming, of course, that if a man is visiting this blog and taking the time to fill out this poll, then he probably is either participatiing in a DD or FLR relationship or interested in one, but that seems a fairly reasonable assumption.)  I have always believed that many DD males are attracted to it because submitting at home is a reversal of their more dominating role at work.  But, these poll results seem to suggest I am wrong with respect to a majority of the males in our community.

For the topic, I will make this a bit of an open microphone and invite people to comment on the poll results. But, I will also suggest this area of focus: does submitting in one part of your life make other parts of your life easier, or harder, when it comes to leadership and authority?  I will give a concrete example.  As I said, I have a pretty dominating personality at work.  It gets me in trouble with colleagues who outrank me in way or another.  But, the challenge has really been playing out with a particular customer.  "The customer is always right." True enough for any business or profession that rises and falls based on the quality of service it provides.  But, we all know that in reality, customers, clients, buyers, etc., are not always right.  For the last several weeks, I have been struggling with one who not only isn't always right, he's really just a complete asshole.  But, he also controls a fairly substantial amount of business.  Not enough that it would kill me if he walked away, but enough that it is certainly in my interest to continue to take his shit if that also allows me to continue to take his business.  But, I really am not very  good at that.  Submitting to someone else's authority, particularly someone who is being a jerk, just goes against every instinct.  I also can't say that submitting more at home is helping much at managing the situaiton, at least not in terms of making me able to submit more naturally.  Where it has helped, however, is I did ask my wife to make losing this particular customer a spankable offense, if the loss results from my temper or unwillingness to submit.

This issue can also cut the other way.  If you submit at home, does it make it harder for you to exercise authority at work or in other situations where authority or commanding others is required?  On this aspect, I feel like DD and FLR actually may be making me a better leader. I've always been weak at holding people accountable.  While I have a dominant personality, I also don't like exercising power over people.  It just isn't my thing.  So, when someone screws up, I tend to fume inside but outwardly accept whatever excuse they offer.  But, I'm finding myself being more direct lately in addressing under-performance.  Less willing to accept an excuse for failing to do something the way it should be done.  It's hard, but it does extend from an increasing sense that I am increasingly being held accountable at home when I fail to meet my wife's stated expectations.  I can choose to perform, and if I don't then I am, in effect, choosing ot be spanked.  If I am accountable for under-performance, then why shouldn't the people I work with be equally accountable? This whole dynamic also gives me increasing respect for what we ask of our Disciplinary Wives when we ask them to take on a leadership role that includes rigorously holding us accountable.  

Finally, given the majority of respondents who said they like to follow outside the home, do you feel like that holds you back?  Is it harder for you to succeeed at work, get a promotion, a raise, etc., if your natural inclination is to be a follower and not a leader?  And, if so, in the broader scheme of your life, is DD and FLR a positive force, or something that exacerbates and reinforces a natural inclination that isn't serving your larger life goals particularly well?
That one turned out to be a bit longer, and weightier than expected.  Conveniently, I gave everyone an extra day to consider it!

Have a great holiday, and please be safe!


Saturday, June 27, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 94 - What Should They Know?

Hi all.  Welcome to another session here at our Forum. 

As I have discussed from time to time, while my first several years in this lifestyle was focused on domestic dicscipline, recently we have been exploring taking it to a new and different level. Before this year, FLR was never really an explicit goal of our relationship.  It was more classic domestic discipline, of the sort that Fred lives and has been kind enough to describe.

When change happens, it's often gradual and its impetus may be varied.  This subtle shift we are going through from DD to a wider FLR is like that.  Some of it came as a direct result of connections made through this Forum.  Exploring the more FLR-oriented portion of the disciplinary spectrum, through comments on this blog, through the blogs maintained by members of our community, and sometimes through emails with some of our members, left me more open to exploring wider themes of submission.  Frankly, my own inability to conform to authority was also part of the impetus, as I continued to watch my maverick orientatoin and inability to follow rules at work continue to limit opportunities (though while undeniably making opportunitiies as well).  Hence, our increasing exploration of FLR as I have asked my wife to continually take more and more of the lead.

In inching toward a more FLR-oriented lifestyle, we inevitably move toward a more transparently female-led lifestyle.  Spankings are episodes; FLR is more of a continuing power exchange and, if the woman is leading and making decisions, that is inevitably going to be on display at various levels.  And, how far that leadership extends may be a function of the settings in which it is allowed to be on display.  In trying to really embrace her leadership, we keep confronting the issue of how transparent to be about it.

Hence, last week's topic focused (or tried to) on interferences and impediments to living the DD or FLR lifestyle.  One that always comes up is children, and this time it was no different.  Though, my question also tried to get at what role our need for anyonymity conflicts with our desire to make DD/FLR a bigger part of our lives.  But, this week, let's stick to the children issue, particularly since Marisa and K.D. were beginning to have an exchange on that exact issue from seemingly very divergent perspectives.

So, for this week's topic I ask, what should kids know and when?  Marisa's position (if I am representing it accurately) was that they should not, while they are kids,  know about the physical disciplinary aspect of the relationship.  KD, on the other hand, lives a life where it is all out in the open.   We seem to have both ends of the spectrum represented, so let's open it up to those who may be at either end or somewhere in between.

I admit to being a fence-sittter on this one.  Our ability to keep things secret is probably less than we imagine.  Kids always know more than you think they do.  There also can be a big, bitg price to be paid for maintaining secrecy while trying to develop a deeper FLR, because keeping thing opaque also may mean the FLR takes root only in limited, sporadic ways because it is seldom on open display.  I also struggle with whether knowing about the DD elements of a marriage would really have the negative impact that some people think, or whether most kids even care that much about what their partents do, beyond the normal mild to moderate distaste at the idea of any adult engaging in anything sexual, let alone kinky.  Rhiannon has asked on her blog whether, perhaps, kids are so wrapped up in their own worlds that they don't care about what we do mearly as much as we presume.  Also, might their reaction depend a lot on the age at which they learn about it?  Coming out for the first time when they are teenagers could be unsettling, but what if a fully "out" FLR that included DD was just what they grew up with as young kids?   And, finally, to what extent, if at all, does gender matter?  I don't think it is the worst thing in the world for young women to grow up with a strong sense of female empowerment, since god knows they are confronted with enough negative images and inputs on that front. But, what about boys -- would knowing dad gets spanked give them an increased respect for women, or a decreased level of respect for dad?

Big themes, and I know we have explored this one before.  But, our community here continues to grow, so sometimes it is good to revisit and open things up to our new members to give their perspective.

Have a great weekend!


Saturday, June 20, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 93 - Interference

Hi all.  I hope you had a great week.  Sorry again for last week's absence.  Many of us have expressed frustation at one point or another with the extent to which "real life" interferes with our best intentions regarding domestic discipline and FLR.  Last week was one of those times for me, and it was the blog that was interfered with.  I promise to try not to let that happen very often, though I am finding that Saurdays are getting increasingly busy and more often than usual I am not near a computer for large parts of the morning.  I'm trying to figure out how to deal with that -- perhaps trying to draft a post earlier in the week so it is ready when Saturday morning comes.  I also might start posting on Friday nights.  Though, my posting and comments already suffer sometimes from lack of proofreading, and given the prevalence of Friday happy hours and social events,  I doubt posting that day will aid in my efforts to produce a quality product.

These thoughts about real life interfering with our best intentions provided an easy segue into a blog topic.  What aspects of the rest of your life interfere the most with your efforts or goals regarding DD or FLR, and what do you do, if anything, to try to minimize or mitigate them?  Are the interferences family related, work, social activities, business travel?  Or, do you simply not allow such things to interfere when punishment or discipline has been earned?  One aspect of this that I am particularly curious about is whether all or most of the major interferences are also tied up in the fact that for most of us, the DD and FLR aspects of our relationships are something we keep hidden from others.  Would being more open about this thing we do result in it being a deeper and more regular part of our lives?  Imagine how much our lives might change if all our wives had no problem with something like this:

I hope you all have a great weekend.


Friday, June 12, 2015

One Week Hiatus

Hello all.  I have some things I need to take care of this weekend and probably won't be near a computer to do a topic posting.  So, the blog will take a break for a week.  That will also give everyone some additional time to answer last week's topic, given that lots of people posted but few actually on topic.  :-)

Have a good weekend.


Saturday, June 6, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 92 - Entertainment

Hi all.  I hope you had a great week.  We've had some good discusssions lately, getting at the roots of how people think about their DD and FLR relationships, what motivates them, etc.  With summer upon us though, let's switch gears a little and take things in a slightly lighter direction.

I finished my work week with a little diversion.  A night at the movies, which is a luxury I haven't had in awhile thanks to a hellishly busy work environment. But, by Friday I had hit the inevitable wall and needed an escape.  Following through on that escapist bent, I went to see Mad Max: Fury Road.  One of its predecessors, The Road Warrior, is one of my personal favorites for testosterone-laden escapist adventures.   (Probably because in addition to my other vices, I like to go fast, in just about every aspect of my life, for good or bad.)  This latest contribution to the series is, however, a little different and reflects some of what we have been talking about recently in terms of gender roles and expectations and how they impact leadership. One reviewer characterized the movie as "a kinetic, hallucinatory, boldly feminist chase flick," which sums it up pretty well -- but who would have thought "boldly feminist" would appear in the same sentence with "chase flick."  But, there it is, and it's accurate.

 As with most really good movies, this one doesn't tell, but shows.  The lead character, by the end of the movie, really isn't Max but, rather, the female protagonist, Imperator Furiosa, played by Charlize Theron.  She is the real "road warrior" in this flick. But, more than warrior.  Leader.  In this male-famale adventure match up, she is clearly the stronger player, in terms of both warrior-ing and leading.  There is a great scene where the bad guys are coming, the good guys are down to three bullets.  Max fires the rifle twice.  Misses twice.  He hesitates for a moment, then hands the gun to Furiosa, who fires and hits.  It is a subtly powerful scene, with the warrior Max handing over the power to someone he knows is his better.  And, like many really confident leaders, she doesn't demand or force.  She lets him figure out that she is better than him in this area,  allows the time necessary for him to make a free choice to hand leadership over to her and, once he does, she performs.  Again, a lot going on in that one scene.  

But, enough about that particular flick, particularly after I just said I wanted to go more light-hearted. This week's topic is about DD, FLR and similar power-exchange lifestyles in the movies and literature.  What is your favorite movie, book or television show with such themes? Or that explore female leadership in positive or interesting ways?

Have a great weekend.


Saturday, May 30, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 91 - Would You Do It Again

Hello all.  Welcome back.  I hope you had a good week.

We had a poll close, this one focusing on where our US readers are located.  Here are the results:

  13 (22%)
  6 (10%)
  15 (25%)
Southwest - Rocky Mountaiin West
  9 (15%)
  13 (22%)
Pacific Northwest
  3 (5%)

I'm not sure what to say about this one, other than the Pacific Northwest seems remarkably uninterested in DD and FLR blogs.  I didn't have many preconceived notions of how this one might turn out, but I did think the results for the Southeast might be higher, give the prevalance of corporal punishment in that area of the country until relatively recently. 

In case people are intersted, here are the most recent Blogger statistics showing the country-by-country breakdown of our readership:

United States
United Kingdom

I''m always a little suspicious of these figures, however, because I have noticed over time that the variability from week to week is huge, and I'm not sure what would account for that.  It does make me wonder whether the statistics genuinely reflect where readers are located, versus where certain internet servers are located.  In other words, are there a high percentage of our readership using services that disguise their identity by routing traffic through various proxy servers.  Or, are there other explanations that to go way beyond my level of technical sophistication.

Anyway, observations on the above are obvisously welcome, though I don't have much personally to add.  I would be curious to hear more from our non-US readers about the extent to which female led relationships, including DD and FLR, are accepted in their countries and cultures.

But, I also wanted to get to a topic that Marisa raised a couple of weeks ago, namely if your current relationship ended, would you continue to use DD?

For me, the answer is yes.  To the point that if my current relationship ended, I think I would probably actively seekk out someone who was interested in, or at least open to, a DD and/or FLR relationship.

Finally, I've added a new poll, this one designed to test the extent to which our preferences for leadership in the home are reflected in our preferences in other contexts, particularly work.  In order to keep it simple, I have assumed that men who are likely to read this blog want to follow the wife's lead at home, and that she wants to lead in that context.  I know that is a gross over-simplification, but I wanted to keep this one relatively simple and binary.

I hope you all have a great weekend.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 90 - Consistency #2

Hi all. For those in the US, I hope you are enjoying the long holiday weekend.  I am feeling more than a little lazy today.  Well, honestly, it's more exhaustion than laziness.  In any event, I am not feeling particularly inpsired when it comes to topics.  

So, let's extend our talk on consistency a little.  It seems clear that many of us want consistency in our DD and FLR relationships.  Some have achieved it.  For others, it is challenging.  So, what are the major impediments for building more consistency?  Kids? Social events? Work? Work-related travel?  For those of you who have managed to build more consistency into your DD and FLR relatonships, how did you get there?  What conflict tips can you give to the rest of us?

Have a great weekend.