Saturday, November 22, 2014

The Forum - Vol. 67

Hi all.  I hope you all had a good week.  I'm in th middle of a major storm at work, so I apologize in being less than thorough and prompt in responding to comments last week.  I will try to remedy that over the weekend.

In the meatime, this week's topic relates to one of our recent polls, which asked about who initiated the disciplinary relationship.  Like the poll on the ages at which people start DD, this one was, in a word, lopsided:

Discipline receiver
  107 (84%)
Discipline giver
  20 (15%)

 Unlike the poll on ages, however, this one doesn't surprise me.  And, the results are reinfoced by many of the comments from last week regarding DD "surprises," many of which talked about the fact that the male initieated the DD relationship, but the female soon became an enthusiastic participant.

One thing that does amuse me a bit about these results is it does suggest that a lot of the stories out there regarding DD beginnings, including unfortunately much of the content from the old Disciplinary Wives Club, is probably more fantasy than reality, as many of the stories involve the wives initiating the DD or FLR relationship in response to exasperation with the husband's behavior, but our poll results suggest that instances of female-initiated DD may be few and far between>

So, this week, give us any thoughts you may have on why the numbers are so lopsided.  Why is is usually the man initiating, particularly given all the advantages DD seems to hold for the women, and also given the leaps and bounds women have made in recent years when it comes to assertiveness in the workplace and hte professional world.  Also, take a moment to share your own initiation story and most importantly why you--be you reciver or giver in the DD relationship--initiated.

Have a great week!

Dan




Saturday, November 15, 2014

The Forum - Weekly Topic #66 and New Poll

Hi all.  Off to a bit of a slow start this morning.  So, let's get to it.

First, thanks to Fred, George, Katie, Leigh, RB, JJ, Abby and an Anonymous poster for participating in our first  Love our Lurkers event here at the Disciplined Husbands Forum.  I may do some less formal invitations from time to time if helps make some of our regular but silent visitors more comfortable with participating. 

This week's topic comes from an anonymous commenter on last week's topic. I had intended to use it in a week or two, but I decided to jump right tto it this week, as I think it is is a really great one.  Here it is, as she wrote it:

"What surprised you about the way the DD or FLR relationship turned out? What happened that you didn't expect or didn't happen that you did expect?  In my case, I would list several. I expected that I would feel guilty about spanking my husband. I didn't. I didn't expect to enjoy giving a spanking. I do (and I sometimes feel guilty about that). I didn't expect us both to get a restless feeling when too much time passed without any behavior that deserved a spanking. We undertook it with the idea of it changing him. I have probably changed more than he has."

Those last two sentences really resonate with me in terms of how our relationship has progressed, but I'll go into that a bit later.  In the meantime, please tell us all about the role the unexpected has played in your DD journey.

Also, I've posted a new reader poll that addresses a topic that has always inspitred both dread and fascination in me: being spanked to actual tears.  If it wasn't clear, this poll is aimed at spanking receivers, as I don't really care whether someone who does not actually get disciplinary or punishment spankings has never been broght to tears by one.  We'll talk about this one after the poll results are in.

Have a great weekend.

Dan

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Love Our Lurkers


Hi all.  Welcome to the 9th Annual Love Our Lurkers day.  In a nutshell, it is a day for us to celebrate, and encourage, all those who drop by our blogs regularly but never leave a comment.  For a more fulsome explanation of the concept, please to to Hermione's wonderful blog:  http://hermionesheart.blogspot.de/2014/10/love-our-lurkers-days-are-coming-soon.html.  While I encourage our lurkers to take give our weekly topics a try, on Love our Lurkers day, any comment will do.  Just stop by and say hi. 

To give you an idea of the ratio between lurkers and active commenters, we probably have about a dozen of the latter (if that), but this blog is up to around 800 visitors a day, with close to 1400 last Saturday.

So, please drop us a line!


Saturday, November 8, 2014

The Forum Weekly #65

Hi all.  Hope you had a great week. Our discussions from the last two weeks had an interesting dynamic. While last week's topic was focused on what the women in our lives get out of DD, the topic from two weeks ago--pre-spanking orgasms and removing the sexual aspect from the discipline--kept spilling into the new topic.  It obviously held a lot of interest for a lot of people, and it's great that the discussion took on a life of its own.

As for this week, I had some time by myself last night, and I thought that maybe I should get a  jump on our weekly topic, so I could free up some time on what was going to be a busy Saturday.  I was even thinking about posting it on Friday night so more visitors would have a chance to get to it early on their Saturdays, especially our surprisingly large contingent of visitors from the UK.  (The whole "English Vice" thing might be a topic to explore in the future.)

But, my plans to get an early start on the post were frustrated by an impenetrable case of writer's block.  Really more like "topic block."  I keep a running list of possible topics, but for some reason none of them had the slightest appeal, or they were things  I wanted to lay the groundwork for with some reader polling before  jumping into the discussion.  In any event, I gave up, hoping that inspiration would hit me over night.  In a way it did, but we'll see if others feel this is a topic worth exploring, since the last time I tried a variation of it, it kind of flopped.  But, we have a larger, more engaged group of contributors now, so maybe it will generate at least a little interest.


The topic is a little nebulous (intentionally so) but it focuses on spreading the word about the advantages of domestic discipline, and also about whether we suspect there are others in our lives who are already practicing either DD or some kind of Female Led Relationship.

Let's start with the former.  When I started this blog, it was really about satisfying my own need to communicate. But, I admit that I do sometimes have higher ambitions for it, such as hoping that it does entice someone somewhere who isn't currently in an FLR or DD relationship to try domestic discipline, similar to the role the Disciplinary Wives Club played for me.  I am a genuine believer in the value of DD and its ability to change the dynamic in a marriage in a very positive way.  For that reason, I have from time to time felt a compulsion to tell others about it.  To date, there is only one person who I have told directly and openly about our lifestyle.   I told her for the most part because we were close friends and it was just one of those relationship things that came out.  But, I also had the zeal of the convert at that stage and felt the need to do some evangelizing.

So, part of this week's topic is, are there people in your life who you would really like to tell about DD, even if you don't think you ever would in real life?  Maybe a couple who is struggling and the dynamic is such that her taking some control over him might help?  Maybe you have a stressed-out, controlling Alpha co-worker who could profit from having to surrender to some wifely power?  Maybe you have a female friend or co-worker who could grow leaps and bounds if she would take up the paddle or hairbrush and use it liberally to assert herself over her spouse?  And, to make this a little more fun, if you did want to let these people know about the advantages of DD, any thoughts on how you might go about doing that, stealthily or otherwise?

And, conversely, are there people in your life who you think may already be in an FLR or DD relationship?  If so, what makes you suspect it?

Have a great week!  Also, my case of writer's block really was frustrating, so please pitch in with any ideas for future topics.  I do realize that at some point we just have to live with recycling topics, but I'm not sure we are quite at that point yet.

Dan




Saturday, November 1, 2014

The Forum - Weekly Topic #63



Hi all.  Happy belated Halloween!  I hope you all had a great time last night, whether with the kids or engaged in more "adult" activities.

I thought we had a great discussion last week.  Some of the couples have clearly taken discipline to that "next" level, where it is all about the discipline and punishment, with most of the eroticism removed.  At least for the person on the receiving end of the paddle or strap or cane.

And that brings us to this week's topic.  Things like requiring an orgasm before discipline or denying sex afterward are clearly designed to make sure that a disciplinary spanking is really punishment.  But, that is from the receiver's perspective.  What about the giver?  What does the Disciplinary Wife get out of the disciplinary relationship, and is it based at all in sex or eroticism?  And, does it change over time? For example, maybe a wife starts out in DD by complying, somewhat skeptically and tentatively, with her husband's request to be disciplined.  Maybe it begins with her trying to give him what he thinks he needs or what she thinks will help the marriage.  That's the way it started out for us.  But, over time, that has changed.  While I don't think my Disciplinary Wife fits into the category of "Sadist," because I don't think she enjoys inflicting pain or watching someone else receive it, over time she has very much to come to enjoy the power associated with directing me to go to the basement, strip naked, and present myself for a spanking.  And, while most of her delight in it seems to be connected to the exercise of power and authority, it does increasingly have a sexual component.

But, for others, perhaps the desire to dominate and exercise authority has been there from the beginning. And, a few are true Sadists.

So, what motivates your disciplinary wife to be that disciplinarian, and what keeps them at it year after year.  And, how has it changed over time, if at all?

Have a great weekend!

Dan

Saturday, October 25, 2014

The Forum - Weekly Topic #62

Hi all.  I hope you had a great week and are out enjoying the October weather.  I am getting off to a bit of a slow start today, so let's get to it. 

This week's topic is about sex. Got your attention, didn't I? 

But, I'm about to spoil it.  Instead of talking about sex and DD, let's talk about efforts to remove the sexual component from discipline?  Is sex inextricably bound up in your disciplinary efforts or, on the other hand, have you tried to remove it in order to make the discipline just that -- discipline.  For example, do you ban sex after a spanking?  Some people also advocate "milking", i.e. requiring masturbation before the spanking in order to remove the sexual component from the spanking itself and to remove the sex as an offset to the pain of a real disciplinary spanking.

So, let us know what efforts, if any, you make to segregate spanking and sex.

Have a great week.

Dan

Sunday, October 19, 2014

New Poll: Who Got This Party Started

Folks, just a quick note.  I have posted a new poll.  This one is the essence of simplicity.  For those who are in a domestic discipline relationship, who initiated it -- the party receiving the discipline or the party giving it?  Given this blogs orientation toward F/m disciplinary relationships, the receiver would usually be the male and the giver the woman, but I didn't want exclude responses from those visitors who may be practicing M/f domestic discipline.  And, I would like to keep this one focused on DD, not spanking in general, because the relationship dynamics may be very different and, for this poll, I'm interested in hearing from those who are practicing DD, not spanking for purely erotic or entertainment purposes.

Dan

Saturday, October 18, 2014

The Forum - Weekly Topic #61

Hello all.  I hope you had a good week and are enjoying what is proving to be, in my neck of the woods, a really gorgeous Autumn. 

Our poll related to professions is closed, so let's make that the subject of this week's Forum.  The results are in, and they are:


Doctor/Medical Provider
  3 (2%)
Lawyer
  13 (12%)
Accountant
  4 (3%)
Teacher
  5 (4%)
Other Profession
  14 (13%)
Business Executive
  12 (11%)
Business Non-Executive
  5 (4%)
Engineer/Technology
  17 (15%)
Business Owner
  16 (14%)
Other
  18 (16%)

Admittedly, this poll was about as unscientific as it could possibly be, suffering from among other things, a small sample size, a self-selected set of respondents, selection bias on the part of its author in choosing the categories, and probably a host of other problems that a trained statistician could point out.   But, even with a sample of only 107 self-selected respondents, a few interesting points worth discussing emerge.

First, members of the medical community either are not very interested in domestic discipline, do not visit domestic discipline or spanking oriented blogs very often, or are very shy when it comes to filling out polls.  I am, I admit, a bit puzzled by that one, because I have always believed that DD appeals to a lot of Alpha Males and guys with "control freak" tendencies or high-pressure jobs, and the medical profession seems to be chock full of those.  Or maybe I'm just projecting the attributes that seem to drive my own DD-oriented needs onto others.

Among those who are into DD, lawyers, business executives and business owners are over represented.  I also am a little surprised at how many engineers and technology professionals are represented, as I don't associate that group with the Alpha Male and "controller" archetypes that I usually associate with DD.  But, again, that observation may be, and likely is, no more than my own biases shining through.  Of course, the biggest problem with this poll is that the percentages may not reflect relative interest or participation in DD as much as being in a profession or personal situation that lends itself to having time and freedom to explore the blogosphere and find things like our Disciplined Husbands Forum.

Finally, "other" and "other professional" are, in combination, the largest block of respondents.  Which could indicate either that we have a very diverse group of visitors to this blog or that I did a really poor job of selecting job categories and left out one or two large segments of the DD community.

So, let's focus on that as part of this week's topic:  For those who are willing to share, what job, career or profession are YOU in, and what, if any, connection do you think there is between that job and your interest in DD?  Did the same personality factors that lead you into that career also influence your interest in DD?  For instance, if you are inclined to submit to your wife's authority, are you similarly submissive to authority at work.  Or, is the inverse true and you feel attracted to DD as a way of giving up the control you exercise on the job or, particularly for our Disciplinary Women, does exercising power and control in your marriage reflect any power dynamics in your work life?

I know that talking about jobs and professions may be sensitive for some, given that many do not want to reveal too much about themselves.  If there are sensitivities on that score (and there are for me), I would suggest posting your comment anonymously and not signing the name or pseudonym you usually use when participating in this blog. 

Saturday, October 11, 2014

The Forum - Week #60

Hello all.  Happy Saturday.  Another beautiful fall day where I live.  I hope you all had a good week.  A few weeks ago, one of our community members sent me an email with a topic suggestion.  (I'm not using his name because I'm not sure whether he is OK with me doing that.)  His suggested topic is one I will use in the future, but what intrigued more was that he told me he is a success coach who incorporates spanking into his coaching sessions.

Now, setting aside that that has to be about the coolest job in the entire world, it suggested an interesting topic regarding non-traditional uses of DD.  In our household, discipline is used primarily to correct bad behavior.  I do something wrong or make Disciplinary Wife angry, and she punishes that behavior.

But, what about using spanking as a motivator for positive behavior or performance enhancement.  Maybe you need to lose some weight and aren't good at sticking to an exercise routine.

 Or maybe you didn't perform at your best in some contest, and your wife helps make sure there is a consequence for giving less than your best effort.


 Disciplinary Wife and I have talked a lot about incorporating more such "motivational discipline" into our DD lifestyle, but we never seem to really make it happen.  How about you?  Does your disciplinarian (spouse or otherwise) act as a "success coach"?  Do you want her to?

Have a great weekend.

Dan

Saturday, October 4, 2014

The Forum - Week #59


Hi all.  Happy Saturday.  I hope you had a good week.  This week's topic is about corner time.  A few weeks ago we talked about chastity.  It was something Disciplinary Wife and I don't practice and in which I have no personal interest, but I still wanted to hear about it since it seems to be a part of many other couples' disciplinary routine.  Corner time is another practice frequently associated with domestic discipline, and it is another practice that we don't personally engage in.  Yet, unlike with chastity, I am intrigued by it to the point of considering asking Disciplinary Wife to work it into our relationship.  It is a little hard for us to do that, however, given our usual routine, as unlike some disciplinary couples, we have not set up a strict separation between discipline and sex.  In fact, for us, discipline usually is followed by sex, and corner time would add time to the whole process, and we are frequently already tired and needing sleep after a long week.  But, it still interests me enough to think about how we might incorporate it.


So, what role, if any, does corner time play in your relationship?  If you do engage it, is it always an after-spanking event, or do you sometimes use it independently of spanking?  What purpose does it serve?  Is it additional form of punishment?  Or maybe something designed to allow the punished party to more fully contemplate his actions and what just happened to him?  Or, is it another way for the disciplining party to exercise their control and dominance?

Have a great week.

Dan

Friday, October 3, 2014

New Section - Community Journal

Hi all.  At some point, maybe I'll know what I want this blog to be when it grows up.  So far, no such luck.  I had another blog few years back.  It began as an attempt to meet a need to communicate about the domestic discipline relationship that we were still pretty new to exploring.  It was as much a diary as a tool to communicate to like-minded people.   Most of the entries revolved around either recounting spanking sessions from Disciplinary Wife.  Or, fairly personal confessions about things that were going on in my life or in our relationship. 

That became a problem.  Telling people about individual spanking sessions got old surprisingly fast.  Yet, because I knew people were coming to the blog regularly, I felt a pressure to post on a regular basis even if I didn't have anything interest to say.  And, while I sometimes felt a compelling need to write about things that were going on inside or in our relationship, in the context of a public blog that came to feel like an exercise in exhibitionism.  And, when links to the blog started to pop up on blogs with content that I didn't approve of, the thought of people who visited those kinds of sites following a link to a place where I was putting some very personal stuff was distressing.

So,  I shut it down.  But, after a while, I started missing being able to communicate to others who were into Domestic Discipline or curious about it.  But, I wasn't interested in going back to anything like an on-line diary.   After mulling it over, I decided to blatantly rip off the Q&A format of Bonnie's "My Bottom Smarts" blog, but with a Female/male Domestic Discipline bent.  That has worked pretty well.  I need to come up with blog topics once a week, but the readers kind of take it from there.  We all get to have some interesting conversations, but I don't have to come up with something new or interesting to say every week.

But, there are times when I do want to say something more personal.  Or, sometimes I do want to talk about a particularly eventful or interesting punishment session.  And, I suspect other readers here feel the same.  They want to express something, or tell about something that happened to them, or ask for advice, but not on something related to that week's topic.  That was kind of my vision for the Guestbook, but it has never really caught on.  Months go by without anyone entering anything in it.

So, you will notice a new tab at the top of this page labeled "Community Journal."  I see it as a place where I can, from time to time, open up with something personal I want to put out there.  And if I enter it as a comment instead of as a post, I can join so many of our other Forum readers in interacting anonymously!  And where others can do the same.  I've tried to kick it off with something that is more like a diary entry, recounting a recent punishment session that left me a little disturbed but also hopeful, because it was a big step forward toward what Disciplinary Wife and I have been saying we want out of this lifestyle.

So, pop on over the Community Journal now and then if you have something to say that doesn't fit with the weekly topic.  See you all tomorrow.

A Note From Susie

Hello all.  Happy Friday! 

Susie asked me to post this.

Susie/ Mistress Merry
Dear Dan and other readers of Disciplined Hubbies:
This past week, my husband/slave Merryslave discovered my secret, so I feel it's time to confess to all of you, I've been reading Dan's blog since January of this year, and I wanted to comment, but I didn't want Merryslave to know, because I was concerned that he might not be as open about things if he knew I was reading and contributing to the conversations, so I used an anonymous setting and called myself "Susie." It worked really well, until I was discovered, so I thought I'd just come out and say it to all of you.
Hello, I am Mistress Merry, and I am Merryslave's. I won't be using the name Susie anymore, but this will allow me to speak more freely about my FLDD relationship.
Sincerely,
Merry

Saturday, September 27, 2014

The Forum - Topic #58

Hi all.  I hope you had a good week.  I'll probably expand on this topic a little later when I have more time, but I wanted to get it out there before my day gets busy.  The topic is about interrupting our routine to work in a well-earned disciplinary spanking.  Have you ever been ordered to leave work so your wife could discipline you?  Or, maybe you acted up at a party and your wife took you home for a quick spanking session before returning you to the party with an improved attitude?  Tell us about a time when your routine or an event was interrupted to make time for some much needed discipline.

To kick things off, here is a true story about one of the first times my wife really stepped into her role early in our DD relationship:

 Early in the relationship, Jessica disciplined me with a hairbrush and sometimes a leather paddle. She soon decided that those weren't quite getting through to me, so she asked me to find something more intense.  We did some shopping and found something called a "prison strap." It was about 30 inches long, 4 inches wide and 1/4 inch thick, with holes drilled down the center. Compared to what we had been using up to that point, it was a terrifying piece of equipment. I seriously considered trying to back out of the whole spanking relationship the day it arrived in the mail.

Despite a few bad acts on my part over the next couple of weeks that we both knew merited a spanking, her new and frightening tool went untested. Then, out of the blue, I got a call from Jessica at work one morning. She said she was calling to remind me about some social function we had to attend that night. We exchanged a few pleasantries, typical husband wife stuff, and she asked me whether I had a busy day ahead. I told her my schedule was actually rather light until later in the afternoon. "Good," she replied. "Because you have been behaving pretty badly, and you have an appointment at noon with my new strap. You are to drive home and go directly upstairs. At noon on the dot, you will be naked, lying on the bed with your ass in the air." I started to protest, my mind whirring to concoct some forgotten lunch meeting, but she knows me too well. "No excuses or arguments. Noon. And, you better not be late or it will be even worse for you." Then, she hung up.

What really sticks out in my mind about that incident is not the spanking itself, but the anticipation and dread, particularly on the drive home. I had never experienced the strap before, and it promised to be a very significant step up in severity from anything I had experienced before. Over the next hour at work, people popped into my office to talk about work issues, but I could barely focus on anything they were saying, because the butterflies in my stomach were so overpowering. We live about 20 minutes from work, but I swear the drive home seemed to take two hours. My focus on the event ahead was so overwhelming as to be almost meditative.

When I got home, Jessica was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee and sorting the through the mail. "Go upstairs and get yourself ready," she said casually before I could get get a word in, never even looking up from the mail. That's something else that sticks in my memory: her utter calm and composure, compared to my sheer terror. At this point, I was literally weak in the knees while she went about reading through her mail and sipping her morning coffee.

I trudged upstairs, disrobed, and got on the bed, draping myself over two large pillows to elevate my ass. Jessica let me stew for a few minutes, then entered the room with her new strap in hand. She was all business, getting right to it without any discussion. She took a few warmup swings just to test my reaction, then brought the strap down hard, a dozen times before moving to the other side of the bed and delivering a dozen more. She switched sides two more times. Although I've been spanked harder since, this was very early on in our disciplinary relationship, and it did prove to be much harder to take than her previous efforts. My ass was fiery red, and by the next morning large portions of my bottom were purple and tender for days. When she was done, she simply said, "You can get dressed and go back to work now," with that same air of calm and detachment. As some of us have discussed in previous blogs or comments to other blogs, that air of calm control can seem so much more threatening than any fantasy session with a bullwhip wielding leather-clad professional dominatrix.

I did as she said and drove back to work to put in a full afternoon of meetings and telephone conferences, all the while sitting tenderly on my newly spanked ass. It's always an interesting juxtaposition, having normal conversations with people you know well, but what they don't know is you just got spanked and are still feeling the warmth in your backside as you chat about the latest business crisis.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

The Forum Topic #57 - Polls Old & New

Hi all.  I hope you had a great weekend and are enjoying, for those of you in the Northern Hemisphere, a great Fall day.

This week's topic is related to my most recent poll, which focuses on viewer ages.  This topic resulted from an exchange with Susie a few weeks ago when I was bemoaning the fact that a topic on dealing with children in the context of a F/m domestic discipline household failed to generate much interest.   Susie postulated that the lack of response might be do to the fact that most of the Forum's readers are over 50 and children at home may no longer be an issue.  That seemed like a theory that really needed some testing, because I had not real basis to believe that a majority of our readers are, in fact, over 50.

So, several weeks ago I put up a poll to test that proposition.  I intended to leave it open for another week.  But, really, what is point?  While I would probably be wise to begin with the assumption that one of our Disciplinary Wives is correct, what surprises me is not that Susie was right, but the degree to which she was right.  The over-50 crowd is, by far, the largest demographic age block who reads this block or at least the largest that actually fills out the polls.  As of this morning, there were 114 votes, with the following breakdown:

21 - 30
  8 (7%)
30 -40
  5 (4%)
40 - 50
  19 (16%)
50+
  82 (71%)

If the 114 people who responded are remotely representative of the overall viewer base, then almost  3/4 of our little community is over the age of 50.  While I am not particularly surprised that the readership tilts somewhat toward the older end of the spectrum, I am very much surprised that the numbers are so skewed toward that one age group. Admittedly, some of my surprise probably comes from the fact that the vast number of people who visit the blog I run are from an age group that I actually am not in!

So, my question is, why?  Why is the demographic of those interested in the topics addressed by this blog--primarily F/m domestic discipline--so heavily tilted toward those 50 and older?  More disposable time that they use to surf the internet?  More secure in themselves and more open to alternative lifestyles?  The Baby Boomers are just more open to alternative lifestyles than the younger generations?  You have to reach a certain age to fully feel the stress and strains that lead some hard-charging career men to seek out DD as an outlet?

Also, since we are on the topic of age, tell us a little bit about where you were in life at various times when DD and/or spanking took on some meaning in your life?  When did you first become aware of your interest in it?  When was the first time you acted on that interest?  When was the first time you gave or received a real DD or punishment-oriented spanking?  How old were you when you took concrete steps toward a real DD relationship?

I'm also putting up a new poll that I hope will tease out a few more insights on who we are and why we do do this thing we do.  This one focuses on career and professions.   Should be interesting, though this one is a little harder to construct a good poll because there are just so many options.  But, hopefully it will get the ball rolling.
  





































Saturday, September 13, 2014

Open Mic #2: Susie on the Topic of Topping From Below

Susie took me up on my offer (well, offer or pushy and presumptuous demand -- whichever) to step up to the microphone.  Instead of talking in detail about her relationship, she has chosen to take on a topic that has come up in some recent comments, i.e. "topping from the bottom".  Here is her contribution:

Topping From the Bottom

How many times have you heard the above phrase and wondered what it means?  Let me tell you, it's not what many of you have in mind, and I feel that we are constantly learning on our journey, and that if I can share with all of you, you can learn from me, and I can learn from you.

Some basics about me (names and such are changed to protect identities) I am a lifestyle female Dominant in my mid-50's. Someone once told me I could easily be mistaken for your average youngish grandma,  I've been in the BDSM lifestyle since I was in my late teens. I was taught the old school way, and started out as a submissive. I was a good submissive, and I was a fast learner. I enjoyed service of all kinds, and I don't ever recall hearing that phrase. I was told what to do, how to do it, and I didn't ask questions.Years later, when I got involved with a much older male Dominant, he told me that I was too much of a SAsS (Smart Ass submissive Slut) to actually be a submissive. He gave me rigorous training on how to be a Dominant. It was then that I learned about Topping from the bottom.

So, what is Topping from the bottom? Honestly, it's easier to tell you what it isn't, but I will try. Please bear with me.

If your wife is hitting (spanking) you too high on your buttocks, telling her as she's spanking you might be seen as topping from the bottom. If you wait until afterwards when she is holding you and you tell her without complaining "Honey, when you were hitting me with that brush earlier, it was too high" that is not topping from the bottom. Giving feedback in a non-judgmental, matter of fact way is NEVER Topping from the bottom, especially if it is well after the fact.
Asking for aftercare (being held and spoken to in gentle tones) after being disciplined is not Topping from the bottom. Both of you need a cooling off period afterwards, and it's all part of being closer to the one you love.

Buying your wife a paddle or cane is not Topping from the bottom. neither is saying "I hope you use this on me someday," Telling her "I want you to use this on me next time I get a spanking" is Topping from the bottom. Okay, I know I've lost a few of you, but there are some men who are masochists and enjoy the discipline. My husband 'Sam' (Smart ass masochist) is one of them.
Requesting a spanking might be Topping from the bottom, but it depends on the circumstances. If you have had a bad attitude, and you say "I have had a bad attitude all day, and I think a spanking will help it" isn't. Getting upset and nagging her because she won't is most definitely Topping from the bottom.

Making a request is not Topping from the bottom. Telling her exactly how you want things is. Discussing your needs, desires and feelings isn't Topping from the bottom.  Expecting her to do whatever you want is Topping from the bottom.

Communication and feedback is very important, and if it is given in a respectful manner, it isn't Topping from the bottom. One of the most important things in a relationship is communication, and if you are denied that, I feel it distances you from your spouse, and causes anger and bad feelings to fester. For those of you who are in a Domestic Discipline relationship, I'd like to suggest that you get together with your spouse or significant other at least once a month to talk about things, Share the positives as well as the negatives. Women, it doesn't hurt to give your man the occasional praise, especially if there is an area of great improvement. Give him some "warm fuzzies." I guarantee you that he will work harder to please you. Men, remind your woman that you appreciate her, and everything she does to ensure your good behavior. Do something sweet and unexpected once in a while. If you have them, be a good example for your children. Treat your wife with love and respect.
Please feel free to ask any questions or give feedback, even if you disagree with me.


I appreciate honesty from people.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Encouraging our DW Contributors

This is a short reminder and a bit of a kick in the pants to all our male contributors.  We have exactly two female contributors who join this forum on a regular basis.  Susie and Anna.  Last week Anna took up my invitation to post about how she became a Disciplinary Wife.  So, here we have a real, live disciplinary wife, and virtually no one has comment on her post or asked her any follow-ups.  If we want more of the women in our lives to feel comfortable posting on the blog, we need to encourage it by getting in there and communicating with them.  So, come on!  Scroll down one topic and bombard Anna with comments and questions.

Susie, fair warning.  You're up next. ;-)

Dan

Saturday, September 6, 2014

The Forum - Question of the Week #56

Hi All.  I hope you had a great week.  Mine was, in a word, exhausting.  Business travel.  Not enough sleep.  Locked in business meetings with some fairly dysfunctional people, many of whom could clearly use a very hard spanking.   Oh well, that happens, doesn't it?   But, it really does make me wonder sometimes whether the millions of dollars businesses spend every year on performance consultants  and executive coaches of various sorts might be better spent on a few hardwood paddles and canes. 

As you will note, I just posted a submission from Anna, one of our regular commenters.  Anna, thanks very much for sharing how you got into DD and a summary of the program you implemented with Peter.

Anna's submission, and some of the comments from last week, lead to this week's topic: communicating with your significant other about DD.  For the last couple of weeks, we have all talked a bit about how we got into DD, what it does for us, what we hope to get out of it.  How much of that is something you share with your partner?  And, how much do they share with you about what they want?  Clearly, some of you communicate on a regular basis about what you want and need out of DD.  How about all the rest of you.  Do you talk about what is working and, just as importantly, what is not?  And, are some of you in a situation where you want to talk to your spouse about exploring a domestic discipline relationship, but you don't feel you can?

Finally, I will end this week's topic with an offer and a challenge, before letting you get onto what I hope will be a fun and relaxing weekend.  First, Anna took me up on my offer to share her story and thoughts, and I hope more of the disciplinary wives will do the same.  I'm still not sure we have many of them as readers, unfortunately, but for those who do stop by our little corner of the internet, the microphone is always open and available.  As for the challenge, this blog is now getting around 1,000 unique visitors on a good day.  Yet, we only have about 10 regular commenters.  Let's see if we can expand that a bit.  Will one or two of you lurkers drop us a line or two if you haven't in the past?  By all means, use a fake name, but leave something that allows us to welcome you to our little group.  It only takes a minute, and we'd love to year what you have to say.

Also, if you haven't voted in the poll yet to identify your age group, please do so.  There is a pretty overwhelming pattern emerging from the response we have so far, which I will make the subject of a future post.

Have a great weekend.

Dan

Anna's Story and Punishment Schedule

Hi all,

One of our regular commenters, Anna, took me up on my invitation to step up to the microphone.  Here is her personal background with DD, and an outline of punishment guidelines and schedule she and her husband have agreed to.



A BRIEF HISTORY

I MARRIED MY HUSBAND PETER AT 20. HE WAS 25 AND ALREADY VERY SUCCESSFUL.  HE WAS PART OF THE SILICON VALLEY EXPLOSION AND
WE LIVED VERY WELL.

AT 30 WE HAD TWO SONS. ONE 5 AND ONE 4. WE LIVED IN A LOVELY HOME
AND LACKED FOR NOTHING IN A MATERIAL SENSE. PETER WAS A GREAT
PROVIDER.  I WAS ALSO MISERABLE. PETER WORKED HARD AND PLAYED EVEN HARDER AND LITTLE OF HIS PLAY INVOLVED EITHER HIS WIFE OR HIS SONS. HE WAS LIVING THE LIFE OF A SINGLE MAN.

I WAS MISERABLE AND TOOK TO BEING A NAG AND MY GETTING EVEN WAS
TO DEPRIVE HIM OF ANY FORM OF SEX WITH ME.   A WEEK AFTER OUR
TENTH ANNIVERSARY WE BEGAN SEEING A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR IN AN
EFFORT TO SAVE OUR MARRIAGE FOR THE SAKE OF OUR SONS. THE FIRST
THREE MONTHS OF OUR SESSIONS ONLY MANAGED TO MAKE THINGS WORSE.
AFTER ONE SESSION WHERE PETER SAID ONLY TWO WORDS IF THAT, AND I HAD RUN ON AND ON THE COUNSELOR STOPPED ME AND ASKED PETER HOW
HE FELT. HE SAT FOR A FEW MINUTES AND THEN STOOD UP AND YELLED
" I JUST WISH SHE WOULD GROW SOME BALLS AND STOP WHINING"
AFTER HE SPOKE HE STORMED OUT. I SAT IN SHOCK FOR SEVERAL MINUTES
BEFORE I LEFT.

LONG STORY SHORT WE BEGAN ACTUALLY TALKING. ONCE PAST THE ANGER HE COULD TELL ME HE WANTED ME TO REIN HIM IN. WANTED ME TO GIVE HIM
CONSEQUENCES FOR HIS BAD BEHAVIOR. I BEGAN READING ABOUT WIVES WHO SPANK THEIR HUSBANDS. WHILE WE SPOKE OF THIS IN GENERAL TERMS PETER CONFESSED THAT FOR THE PAST FEW YEARS HE HAD BEEN SEEING
A WOMAN WHO SPANKED HIM. THERE WAS NO SEX ONLY SPANKING AND HE ASKED ME TO SPEAK WITH HER. BECAUSE HE WAS SO OPEN I AGREED.

I MET MS X I SHALL CALL HER AND SHE WASNT ANYTHING I EXPECTED HER TO BE. SHE ASSURED ME THERE WAS NO SEX AND THIS WENT BEYOND SEX FOR PETER.

THE NEXT STEP WAS HARDEST SETTING UP RULES WITH PETER AND THEN WHEN HE BROKE A RULE SUCH AS BEING HOME FOR DINNER AT THE AGREED UPON TIME.  IT TOOK TIME BUT FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS WE HAVE REFINED THE RULES. THE ONE THING WE DO NOT DO IS EVER MIX UP DISCIPLINE WITH SEX AFTER.

SPANKING PROGRAM FOR ANNA AND PETER


AFTER MUCH TRIAL AND ERROR WE NARROWED DOWN THE THREE AREAS
THAT WE BOTH AGREED NEEDED WORK FROM HIM TO MAKE OUR MARRIAGE WORK BETTER.

# 1 OFFENSIVE TONE. TOO OFTEN HE SPOKE IN A CONDESCENDING TONE
       TO ME EITHER ALONE, IN FRONT OF COMPANY AND ESPECIALLY IN FRONT
       OF OUR BOYS.

# 2  DISPLAYS OF ANGER THAT OFTEN SCARED THE BOYS AND EMBARRASSED 
        ME EITHER WITH OTHER FAMILY OR FRIENDS. LIKE ALL BOYS OUR SONS
        WERE BEGINNING TO MIRROR THEIR DADS BEHAVIOR.

# 3  DRINKING AND DRIVING EITHER ALONE OR WITH FAMILY

SINCE OUR BOYS SPEND EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT WITH HIS PARENTS WE DESIGNATE THAT EVENING AS PUNISHMENT EVENING. PETER KNOWS TO GO AT ONCE UP TO THE BEDROOM AND LAY OUT THE BELT, BRUSH , PADDLE, AND A RIDING CROP. HE THEN UNDRESSES AND STANDS IN MIDDLE OF ROOM AND WAITS UNTIL I COME UPSTAIRS. I CHOOSE WHAT METHOD I WILL USE AND THE TOTAL COUNT IS LEFT TOTALLY UP TO ME. I CALL IT THE " UNTIL MOMENT"
THAT IS THE MOMENT WHEN I SENSE BY HIS TEARS, PLEAS OR ATTITUDE
I CAN STOP. AFTER A SPANKING HE PUTS AWAY ALL THE SPANKING MATERIAL
AND THEN STANDS IN THE CORNER TO MEDITATE FOR AN HOUR. NOSE TO WALL HANDS LOCKED IN THE SMALL OF THE BACK LEGS SPREAD APART.

AFTER HIS CORNER TIME HE COMES DOWN TO DINNER AND WE RESUME A NORMAL EVENING. THERE IS NEVER SEX OF ANY KIND. USUALLY WHEN WE GO TO BED THE OFTEN CURLS UP AND TELLS ME HE IS SORRY AND THANKS ME FOR MY PATIENCE.

IN THE PAST YEAR AS WE HAVE GROWN TO UNDERSTAND THESE NEEDS THERE ARE TIMES WHEN AN IMMEDIATE SESSION IS NEEDED BY HIM. THESE USUALLY OCCUR AT HIS OFFICE AFTER WORKING HOURS. I HAVE A STTER COME IN AND GO TO HIM WHERE HE ASKS FOR WHAT HE NEEDS TO GROUND
HIM. THESE SESSIONS SEEM TO PRODUCE THE TEARS MOST OFTEN AND AFTER ONE OF THESE SESSIONS WHEN WE GET HOME THERE IS A LOVELY CALM AND HE OFTEN BEGS TO SERVICE ME WITH NOT RELEASING HIMSELF.


Friday, August 29, 2014

The Forum - Open MIc

Welcome to the weekend!  I hope you all had a good week.  I usually kick off the week's topic on Saturday, but I'm going to be tied up tomorrow and thought I would start it off a bit early.

In discussing last week's topic, I had an exchange with Anna, in which I invited her to submit her story, thoughts, any contribution she wants to make. While Anna may or may not want to take me up on it right now, it got me thinking that since I just allowed you to ask me anything, I would like to turn the tables.  I don't have questions for each of you individually so, instead, let's open up the microphone to one and all, with this question to frame the discussion a bit:

What is it about spanking and/or DD that brings you to this blog every week?  We just talked a bit about what brought me to it, and what I get out of it.  What about you?  Why is this something attracts you, maybe even to the point of an obsession?  Whether you are the giver or the receiver, what does it do for you?

And, what is it that you want to get out of it, even if you haven't achieved it yet?

Instead of leaving this for someone to kick off, I'll do so myself.



If I had to pick the one thing I want to get out of this thing we do, it is to lose all composure.  All control.  I want her to take me to a place where I can't take it any more.  I want to resist and resist and finally break down sobbing.




I want to stand there waiting for her, humbly, knowing what she about to do to me.  Sensing no mercy from her as I stand in front of her . . . waiting.



I want her to make me pull down my pants.  Doing it at her command.  Not just knowing that I am about to get a spanking.  But knowing that it is one that is going to leave me sobbing.  That sense of terror at the inevitability.  Knowing that once they come down it will end only after I am crying.  Sobbing.  And, not even then will it stop.

And, finally, it will all be over.





That is what I want.  You?

Dan




Saturday, August 23, 2014

The Forum - Ask Me Anything Edition


Hi all.  Sorry that I got a bit of a late start today.  One of those Saturdays filled with leftover urgent work projects, family chores and errands, etc.  Finally coming up for air.

Thanks to the readers for keeping the discussion of last week's topic going at a nice pace.  I must admit the attraction to chastity, whether as kink or control is still a little lost on me.  But, to each his own. What works for one couple doesn't work for another.  What turns on one Disciplinary Wife or Disciplined Husband does nothing for another.  But, variety is a good thing, and even if chastity doesn't resonate with me, it was good to read about other's experiences with it.

Every few months, I stray from our topic-oriented format and host an "Ask Me Anything" edition of the Forum.  Though I tell myself it is a chance for newer visitors to get to know me or ask the group something that is on their mind, it usually happens when I am feeling unusually unmotivated or have just run out of steam a bit on topic ideas.   This time is no exception.  No particular topic seemed very compelling, and I have been so distracted by work that I wasn't able to come up with anything particularly interesting.   So, I fall back to allowing everyone else to do the work.

As with the other times I've tried this, the instructions are simple: Ask me anything.  Any topic is fair game, though I may decline to answer anything that probes too closely on things that might place my anonymity at risk.  And, I'll add one twist: If you have questions you would like to ask others in our growing band of regular commenters, fire away, though they obviously can choose for themselves whether to answer.

Have a great week.

Dan