Sunday, March 24, 2013

Poll: How Many of Us Are There?

How many of us are there out there in the world?  By "us," I mainly mean men who are disciplined by their partners.  But, casting a wider net, how many men and women are either in, or interested in being in, a F/m domestic discipline relationship?

The phenomenon that is 50 Shades of Grey certainly proves that there are A LOT of people out there with an interest in kinky sex with BDSM themes.   But, while people may be comfortable with women getting spanked, is the same true when the man is the receiver? Has the world changed that much?

I've spent a fair amount of time reading spanking blogs and reading material in Yahoo groups devoted to F/m spanking.  It seems that there are quite a few men who are interested in F/m discipline, but how many of them are actually doing it?  And, how many women are interested in disciplining their men?   It often seems to me that the answer to that last one is, "not many."  But, I have a really hard time understanding why.  If it is "a man's world," and women feel they are in a society where men have most of the power, why is there not a lot of interest in turning the tables? 

My goal for this blog is to stimulate a dialog, so please comment.  But, if you don't have time or are nervous about leaving a comment, please take a few seconds to fill out the poll to the right of this entry.  It takes only a few seconds.   While I've already had several hundred page hits in the week this blog has been active, only 10 people have taken the poll.  If you like what you see on this blog, please take just a second to fill out the poll.  


My thanks to Hermione for helping me kick off the interactive part of this blog, which I continue to hope will be its defining characteristic.  Her question was who initiated our domestic discipline relationship, me or my wife, and was it hard to convince the other partner to try it. 

The short answer is I initiated, and it was surprisingly easy to get my wife to try it.  I will elaborate a bit.

 It was my idea. If you read blogs or discussion groups involving men in female led DD relationships, it seems that few of them are naturally submissive. To the contrary, many are hard charging, domineering personalities in their day-to-day lives. That was me, and I was an unhappy person. Everything felt out of balance. I was always in charge. Always the person making the decisions. And, our marriage was similarly out of balance. My wife was raised in a very traditional, male dominated family and brought that habitual mindset into our marriage. It wasn't that we had consciously created a male dominated marriage, but that was just sort of where our personalities naturally took us.

It actually was surprisingly easy to get her to try it. We had dabbled in erotic spanking, so that bridge already had been crossed. That "dabbling" came relatively late in our relationship.  We had been together for about 10 years.  And, again, it was me who initiated it.  From what I gather from the various blogs and online spanking groups, my story is a bit atypical because, while it was me who brought spanking into our repertoire, I did not have any kind of early fascination with spanking.  I had never even considered engaging in it, whether giving or receiving.  That changed when I watched an HBO "Real Sex" episode that had a segment on erotic spanking.  It was a massive turn-on.  Some time after that, I bought a small leather paddle and asked my wife if she would try using it on me.  She did, but it was never very hard and always of an erotic nature.

We incorporated some femdom scenarios into our play,  characterizing the spankings as “punishment” for various things I had done wrong.  That began to create problems.  Some of my behaviors really were pissing my wife off, but because the spankings were relatively mild and always part of our sex play, she began to see them as more reward than punishment.  She was definitely not interested in doing anything to reinforce my bad behavior, so she stopped the spankings entirely.

My interest in spanking continued.  It was something far less than a compulsion, but I was still interested enough to do a bit of searching for spanking-related material on the internet.  It was through that searching that I came across the Disciplinary Wives Club website.   Unlike our previous erotic spankings, the spankings advocated by "Aunt Kay" were intended to be real punishment to correct real misbehavior. It was then that an interest became something more akin to an obsession.  Many of the fictional scenes and "Real Couples" letters involved wives announcing that the spanking would not end until after misbehaving husband was in tears.  That was what really got me.   Not the spanking per se, but the idea of submitting to someone else's control so fully that I might have to accept something as mortifying as being brought to tears. For an admitted "control freak" like me, the thought of that kind of loss of control was truly terrifying.  It was also morbidly fascinating.

There is a story in the Fiction Stories section of the DWC website entitled "Even More" that describes a husband discovering the DWC site and using it to introduce his wife to the concept of using spanking for real discipline.  My process was similar.  A few days after discovering the DWC website, and having been fixated on it throughout those days, I brought it to my wife's attention, initiating the discussion almost like it was a joke or entertainment.  I got her to take a look at it, and that look took a surprisingly long time.   She stayed in our home office for the better part of an hour reading through the website.  I was sitting at the kitchen table pretending to read a book, though in reality I hadn't absorbed a word. I was on such pins and needles waiting for her reaction.  I looked up nervously as she came out of the office and into the kitchen.  Her look was one of quiet intensity, as she asked me, "You obviously had me look at that website for a reason.  So . . . is this something you are saying you want to try?"  I hesitated, then stammered something like:  "It scares me more than I can describe but, yes, I think I would like to try it."

The rest is history.  While she was game to give it a try, my wife was concerned that this could, like our old erotic spankings, reinforce bad behavior if it was something I enjoyed.    Therefore, our foundational rule was that the spanking had to be "real" each time.   It had to be severe enough to constitute real punishment. And, that is what we have been doing for 10 years.

So, now please help me meet my goal to develop this into an interactive blog.  For those of you who are in a spanking relationship, who initiated it?  Was it difficult to convince the other partner?  How did you do it?  I would love to hear from those in DD relationships, particularly of the F/m variety.  But, all contributions are welcome.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Ask Me Anything

Let's get this party started!  I said in my first post that I wanted this post to be about a club.  A community.  That means sharing a bit about ourselves, our interests.   So, ask me anything, and I'll try to tell you.  No limits.

Well, very few limits.  Here is one big caveat:  I won't give out identifying life  details, like real name, occupation, or location.

Other than than, I will try really hard to be open about myself and what makes me tick.