Saturday, October 19, 2013

The Forum - Questions of the Week #24

Happy Saturday to you all.  For some reason, it seemed like a really long week, even though it began with an official holiday that does not actually seem to result in anyone taking a day off.

Note the title: We are going to do a bonus question this week.   Yes, two questions.  One of them a conventional spanking question.  One a bit silly.

Question 1:  Our first question extends a bit from last week's, or at least from the responses to last week's question.  The response rate to our first Ladies Night was not the complete flop I feared it might be.  We did get a few of the ladies posting comments, and I appreciate every one of them. What struck me was that many of spanking relationships depicted in those posts seemed to be of a pronounced FemDom variety.  Although we are experimenting with that a little more these days, it is still at the soft end of the spectrum.  I want her to take more control, be in charge more often and, frankly, be more bossy and domineering.  I do not, however, have a lot of interest in the whole leather and chains scene, humiliation, etc.  In fact, other than the occasional discipline session, our relationship is pretty "normal."

All this got me thinking about the range of spanking and DD relationships out there.  On the very soft end, I learned a new term recently: "funishment."  I really like that.  "Punishment," but of the fun, sort of playacting variety.  On other end, you have FemDom and hardcore domination with all the trappings.   We are somewhere in the middle.  We decided early on that we would not be doing "funishment" (though we had no such word for it back then), because we didn't want to create a situation in which bad conduct was rewarded.  Where are you on the spectrum?  More importantly, where would you like to be?

Question #2:  What is in a name?  In my case, not much.  Not much at all.  Until now, I have been the anonymous Disciplined Hubby.  I'm not altogether uncomfortable with anonymity.  But, it also seems a little impersonal.  I envy Bonnie and Hermione and others who have adopted at least a nom de plume.  But, I'm not all that inventive myself, and I see this forum as about you, not me.  So, what should my name be?  If you got to pick the name of person you told about your spanking experiences, what would it be?  I'm not promising I will pick among the suggestions, but I will give them all my full consideration.

Have a great weekend! And, as always, please take a moment to say something in the Guestbook.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

The Forum - Ladies Night

Hello all.  I hope you had a good week.

First, I want to experiment with highlighting particularly interesting topic responses.  Last week's question was about contracts.  I thought this anonymous post was particularly insightful and interesting:

"A contract works for some couples some of the time especially in the beginning of DD. But I think of them now as “training wheels” useful at the start of DD to define roles and give necessary structure. But if a contact is carried on too far or too long it keeps the relationship from growing and adapting. We did use an oral contract in the beginning but within a few months found it to be artificial and not in the real spirit of DD. It’s a kind of crutch you use to get started but should grow out of. For us the only contract now is that my wife is in total authority and decides when where and how discipline is administered for any reason she finds necessary using any instrument she thinks appropriate. She is adamant in stressing no limits on her authority to spank and nothing gets me in trouble faster that when she thinks I am challenging her authority. None of that would work if we tried to live by a formal contract."

I also wanted to try something a little different for this week's Forum.   Let's hear something, anything from the Ladies.  Tell us something about your DD relationship, whether you are the Head of Household or the Disciplined Wife.  If you're not in a DD relationship, tell us why you're interested in the lifestyle (assuming you are).  What does DD do for you?  How did you get into it? What more would you like to explore?  Gentlemen, please beg and plead with the Disciplinarian in your life to take a few minutes to tell us what she likes about putting you over her knee!

I put this topic out there, knowing that it could be a total flop, given that the statistics in the ongoing poll on this blog indicate that the rate of male to female visitors is probably at least 10:1.  But, let's give it a shot.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

The Forum: Question of the Week #22

Hi all.  Sorry for the slow start.  The weekend got off to a busy start.  Real life sometimes trumps the best intentions.  

This week's question comes from one of the Forum's members:

"Are written contracts a good idea? We tried it twice but it didn’t work for us but know another couple who use contracts successfully and read about many others. Contracts made us self-conscious and my wife (who went to law school) thinks they are inappropriate for discipline so we use a anytime any place for any reason system which works well for us."

To kick things off, we have never used a formal contract, but in the beginning we did set down a list of rules I was to be subject to, and we included a presumptive minimum number of paddle or strap strokes for each offense.  It did have the benefit of building some structure and regularity into what was for us a very new lifestyle choice.  I also think it had the benefit of relieving my wife of any qualms she had about delivering a hard and long spanking, because we had agreed in advance to the consequences for each offense.  If my behavior created a situation in which I faced an extraordinarily large number of strokes with a scary implement like our large fraternity paddle, whose fault was that?

Thanks for your participation, and please take a few minutes to enter something in the Guestbook.