The Forum: Question of the Week

Good morning.  I hope you all had a good week and are enjoying the start of the weekend.  

Here is this week's question:  If you could wave a magic wand and change one thing about your DD relationship, what would it be?  Is there something you would like your partner to do more?  Less?  Differently? Is there something you would like to do differently your self?

For us, this TTWD is always a work in progress.  The "one thing" I would change is the thing we are always working on in one way or another:  taking away my control and increasing hers.   That is really it.  I would like her to take more consistent control over me and exercise her authority more rigorously and consistently.  

As always, if you haven't done it before or have something new to say, please sign the Guestbook, below.

DH

Artist Attribution

Hello everyone.  Just a short entry to give credit where credit is due.  I was contacted by the artist who did the drawing that appears with my profile.  Until that contact, I did not know the author's identity.  His name is KDPierre.  I really enjoy his work, including the one used on this blog.

The Forum: Question of the Week #20

Hello all.  Welcome back.  Let's get right to the topic for this week:

Without naming names, if you could introduce one couple you know to DD, who would it be and why?

For me, I had a good friend and co-worker at my last job who had all the earmarks of a tightly wired executive: controlling, always afraid of failing, carrying too much stress, engaging in inappropriate outlets for that stress, etc.  He clearly needed someone to establish some boundaries and relieve him of some of his decision-making responsibilities.   At the same time, his wife was clearly frustrated by his behavior but was conditioned to see herself as just following along in his wake, unhappy with their marital and family dynamic, which was dominated by his work, but not seeing a way to change it.  They always seemed to me to be a couple for whom DD might be a game changing experience, precisely because it would move them in a direction opposite of their natural temperaments, with him learning to be less controlling and her finding her inner Dom.

Please give us your thoughts and, as always, don't forget to fill out the Guestbook if you have not done so.

Facilitating and Participating

This blog has been around for about six months now, which seems a bit unreal.  Where does the time go?  It is very much a work in progress, and I appreciate all thoughts and suggestions on how to improve it.  One of our Forum contributors, Gary, sent me an email suggesting that I might consider participating a bit more myself, instead of just tossing out questions for others to address.

It is a fair point.  My reticence about participating more myself was, in fact, a conscious choice.  I have seen too many promising blogs and moderated spanking groups degenerate into some kind of on-line advice manual in which a self-appointed expert tells everyone else how spanking or DD "should" or "must" be done.  That is the exact opposite of what I am aiming for here.  I really want to learn from others and get their perspectives.  Also, I have had other blogs and I eventually got tired of hearing myself talk, or I got concerned that I was revealing too much about myself and my activities and thereby risking some of the anonymity that blogging provides.

But, I also recognize that getting the ball rolling with some of my own thoughts or observations might encourage others to participate.  Also, there are times that I do feel the need to do a bit of my own sharing.  So, with thanks to Gary, I will try to starting throwing a few more of my own thoughts and experiences into the mix.

I will try to begin with this week's Forum topic, which revolves around trying to answer the question of why disciplinary spankings are, in fact, arousing.  I say I will "try," because one reason I raised this particular question is that I really am curious about this and do not have a clue why some of us find domestic discipline, particularly receiving the discipline, arousing.  As I have said in previous posts, I was not one of those people who had an interest in spanking going back to my teenage or early adult years.  I do not recall having any interest at all in spanking until I was in my '30s.  I was spanked from time to time as child, but I don't recall having any feelings about it at the time, other than a  desire to avoid it.

The first time I recall having any sexual feelings connected to spanking was when I saw an HBO "Real Sex" episode that focused on spanking and included a wife spanking her husband with a riding crop.   I went from no interest to BIG interest in an instant.  My wife thought it was weird, but she was game to try it.  We played a bit with it, but despite the reaction I had upon seeing it on television, the purely erotic form of spanking did not do much for me.  It was several months later that I found the Disciplinary Wives Club.  My reaction to it was even stronger, and much more complex, than my reaction to the "Real Sex" episode.  I was massively aroused by the fictional and "real people" accounts of disciplinary spankings, but the submission aspect of it also, frankly, terrified me.

Today, the level of pre-spanking arousal is still there.  Perhaps not quite as strong but still there.  Yet, I still really do not know why.   I do know that as time has gone by, I am more and more interested in exploring my submissive side.  Or, to be more precise, I am interested in developing a submissive side, since I am not a natural submissive and have a lot of anxiety around living under another person's direction and control.  But, as to the basic question of why I get aroused when I know that I am to go through a very painful disciplinary spanking, I really do not have any idea.

The Forum - Question of the Week #19

Wow!  Great response to last week's question.  Either this blog is getting a little momentum and expanded readership, or something about that topic struck a note, or both.  In any event, I was surprised and delighted to see the number of responses.

This week's question extends from one of last week's comments.  Anonymous wrote:

"When I was 15 my older brother,who was 16, got caught by my dad smoking grass. It happened on a saturday night in our garage. My dad didn't do anything but told my brother that he would be punished severely until he had some sense knocked into him. He made my brother wait until the following friday after dinner.

As my younger brother and i had dessert my older brother and dad went downstairs in the basement to my dads workroom. Through the vents we could hear the swats of my dad's thick black belt landing on what we all knew was his bare bottom. Only when my brother was sobbing and begging to be forgiven and swearing he would never touch grass again did my dad stop.

A few minutes later Dad came up had his dessert and as Mom cleared the dishes my younger brother and I were brought down to the workroom where my brother bare assed was still bent over a work bench. His ass was raw. Dad told us to look and learn and we were then sent to our rooms. I don't know why but i was so aroused by it all."

 My question is, what IS the reason behind the arousal we get from spanking as a punishment, whether receiving it, giving it, or watching it?  Other than the nudity (and that is not a necessary component), there is nothing patently sexual about it.  Sex is one of the most pleasurable things we do as human beings.  Punishment is supposed to serve the exact opposite purpose.  So, why the arousal?"

The Forum - Question of the Week

Welcome back everyone!  This week's question comes from one our anonymous commenters:

"I am always interested in when people became aware of their passion for spanking. For me I was quite young when I noticed that seeing someone being spanked or even being threatened to be spanked in movies or on TV excited me."

How about you?  How did you first become aware that you were interested in spanking and/or Domestic Discipline?  Did you discover it early or late in life?  Was there any particular event, or something you read or viewed, that started your journey down this path?

As always, if you haven't done so or if you have something to share, please take a moment to enter something in the Guestbook, below.

The Forum - Question of the Week

Welcome back.  "Back to School" season is upon us.  All across the nation, daughters and sons are leaving for college. Sometimes there is a younger sibling or siblings left behind, but sometimes the departure yields an "empty nest."  And, Mom and Dad and into domestic discipline, perhaps for the first time in years there is real privacy.  Real flexibility regarding time and place for DD activities.

So, this is a question for the older domestic discipline practitioners among us.  What impact did the children leaving your home have on your DD relationship?  Did spankings become more frequent?  Did a previously timid spouse suddenly step fully into the role of HoH or disciplinarian?  Tell us all about the changes.

And, as always, please take a moment to leave some comments in the Guestbook.  I have changed its format a bit, including adding a question soliciting topics for future Forums.  I look forward to hearing from y'all.

The Forum - Question of the Week

Welcome.  As one reader noted, Aunt Kay at the Disciplinary Wives Club has posted a note on the website contemplating its future.  Many of us first heard about domestic discipline through DWC.  So, this week's question is: What role, if any, has the DWC played in inspiring your DD relationship?  Are there other resources that have had an important role in inspiring or helping you establish a DD lifestyle?

One comment from me on this one.  DWC was the entire impetus for my wife's and my exploration of DD in our marriage.  I did try to reach out to Aunt Kay on this question of the DWC's future, but did not get a reply. 

Forum - Question of the Week

Hi all.  I hope you had a good week.  Sorry I am getting this out a little late.  This week's question is an offshoot of one I asked a couple of weeks ago.   It is about balance and growth.

In your relationship, or in looking closely at your DD desires, to what extent is your chosen role (the disciplined party or the disciplining party)  related to bringing some balance to your core personality.  Or, conversely, is it about doing what comes most natural to you?  We seem to come to DD for lots of reasons, and we look for different things. If you are dominant or controlling in your work life, do you crave submission at home? Or, vice versa, are you timid and shy in other aspects of your life, so you crave being the dominant party in in your personal relationships?  And, if the role you assume in your DD life is in line with how you are in the "real world," then does that arrangement help or hinder your personal growth?

For me, the DD lifestyle is very much about balancing out my domineering tendencies.  The last thing I would want is something that magnifies and exacerbates those tendencies.  But, others may feel very differently.  So, let's hear it.

The Forum - Question of the Week

Welcome back everyone.  We got some great responses to last week's question.  Thank you all for contributing.  

This week's question is about how we move from fantasizing about a domestic discipline lifestyle, or just dipping our toes into the water, to making it a core part of our marriage.  It seems like few people take to the lifestyle instantaneously, especially if you have spent many years in "vanilla" relationship.  There are often long-established emotional and behavioral patterns that need to be overcome.  And, even if both parties are open to it, one of them may not be quite as into it, at least not to the point that they focus on it as a core part of the relationship.

So, the question for this week is, what do you do to encourage each other to make the commitment ot DD and make it a regular part of your relationship?  Contracts?  Self-reporting?  Setting aside a day of the week for discipline and/or submission?  How do you take DD from the exotic to the norm?

I look forward to hearing from you all.  And, if you haven't done so yet, please sign the Guestbook, below.

The Forum: Question of the Week

Hello everyone.  Thank you for the great responses to the last few questions here at the Forum.

This week's question is about the roles we play in "real life"--particularly at particularly at work--versus in our domestic discipline relationships or fantasies.  To what extent are your respective roles, or the inner drives you follow, consistent?  Are you naturally dominant in the workplace but yearn to be dominated by your partner?  Conversely, are you shy and submissive at work and in your day-to-day life but love to exercise control over your partner in the bedroom?  Or, are your roles wholly consistent from situation to situation, whether submissive both at work in and in your personal relationships or an unmitigated Alpha in all aspects of your life?

Inquiring minds want to know.

And, as always, please take a moment to fill out the Guestbook!

The Forum: Question of the Week

Welcome back everyone.  Another week . . . another week.  Last week's question was about interest in Domestic Discipline and how it might be affected by societal norms and perceptions.  This week's question is related but comes at it from a slightly different angle:  Does the fact that Domestic Discipline is seen as kinky, weird, something that should be hidden and kept secret, add to your desire to do it? 

For myself, I know that when we first started, there was a delicious sense of daring naughtiness to the whole thing.   And, I have to admit that it has lost some of its emotional edginess over time.  What about you?  Does the enticement of the "forbidden fruit" play a role in your desire for DD?

The Forum - Question of the Week

Welcome back.  There was not a lot of response to last week's question.  I'm hoping this one will interest people a little more, though it is a bit philosophical.

Last year, there was a sensation around the Fifty Shades of Grey series.  While the level of interest in a fairly kinky (if terribly written) trilogy seemed to demonstrate a surprising level of interest in S&M themes, it was almost entirely of the M/f variety.  Does the success of the Fifty Shades series portend well for acceptance of F/m spanking, domestic discipline of the F/m variety, and the potential for expanded interest in the concept of Female Led Relationships?  Or, are there big impediments to wider adoption of F/m lifestyles?  If so, what are those impediments:

(1) The level of interest may be high, but societal norms prevent any kind of open acceptance?
(2) Few males are interested in such a lifestyle?
(3) Few females are interested in such a lifestyle?
(4) Other reasons?

I hope to hear from a lot of you on this one.  And, as always, please visit the Guest Book.

The Forum - Question of the Week

Hi All.  I hope all the U.S.-based readers had a good Independence Day holiday.

Before getting to this week's question, I would encourage you to read last week's contributions if you have not done so already.  While the volume of responses may have been relatively light, a couple of them were, in my opinion,  very hot!  I loved one of the postings about a workplace spanking.  That one definitely merits its own topic at some point in the future.

Now, for this week's question: Have you ever had to hide the markings left from a spanking or had someone see the results? Maybe you had to hide while showering in they gym?  Make up a lie when visiting your doctor?  Tell us all about one of those embarrassing moments or something you had to do to avoid detection!

The Forum - Question of the Week

Hi all.  Here is this week's question:  Have you ever introduced someone you were not involved with to DD or Female Led Relationships, or every considered doing so?  Who and why?   Even if you have not done it, are there people in your life who you think should be introduced to the lifestyle? Maybe a friend who has a misbehaving spouse, or a friend who needs some discipline in his life. 

The Forum - Question of the Week

This week's question is about inspiration.  Who or what first inspired you to explore, or wish for, a domestic discipline relationship?  Was it a particular experience in your life?  Someone you know or were in a relationship with asked you to try it?  Was there a particular website or blog that caught your attention?


As always, if you have not done so already, please take a few moments to sign the Guest Book.

The Forum: Question of the the Week

I hope not to make apologizing a recurrent part of this blog, but I need to once again apologize for missing a week.  Unfortunately, once again, life got busy.


This week's question:  Do you and your partner ever use things other than spankings, either as punishments or as means of exercising control or authority, as part of your DD relationship?  Chores, corner time, writing lines, being "grounded"?  Tell us about your non-spanking DD techniques. 

And, as always, please take a few minutes to fill in the Guest Book.

The Forum: Question of the Week

Hi all.  Sorry for missing a week there.  Life got a little busy.  This week's question is about submission or, my preferred term, surrender.  In my experience, many males who are into the submissive role in a D/d relationships are high-achieving, Type A, personalities in their day-to-day lives.  We seem to seek out the comfort of yielding up some of that control and drive to our partners. Am I right about this?  Is that the experience of others who are into D/d?  Is yielding control, surrendering yourself to someone else, part of the attraction?  How about for the dominant D/d partner?  Are you dominant in your day-to-day life? 

As always, I'm hoping for participation from the F/m DD crowd, but all responses are welcome.  Please also take a moment to put something in the Guestbook. 

The Forum: Weekly Question

So, we improved 100% over last time, going from no responses to one.  Let's hope it is an accelerating trend.

The topic for this week is rules.  Are there rules in your relationship, the breaking of which result in a disciplinary spanking?  Tell us about your rulebook!

As always, I'm hoping for participation from the F/m DD crowd, but all responses are welcome.  Please also take a moment to sign the guestbook. 

The Forum: Question of the Week

Well, that last question on whether anyone outside your relationship is aware of your DD lifestyle went over like a ton of bricks.  Not a single response.  Come on guys this is supposed to be an interactive blog.  Let's take another crack at it, shall we:

The topic for this week is tears.  If you are spankee, have you been brought to tears by a disciplinary spanking?  If not, do you want to be?  If you're the disciplinarian, how do you feel about giving a spanking that is so hard to bear that it brings real tears?

As always, I'm hoping for participation from the F/m DD crowd, but all responses are welcome.  Please also take a moment to sign the guestbook.