What is More Important to Your DD Spanking Relationship - Dominance and Authority or "Fairness" (Club Meeting - 565)

“In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.” — Abraham Maslow

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Wives Club – Tribute blog.  Our weekly on-line gathering of women and men who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship of the type advocated by the former Disciplinary Wives Club (archived copy in the “Links I Like” list, below right).

I hope you all had a good week.  Mine was another challenging one, and I’m running out of summer faster than I’m able to get past this physical setback.  But, it is what it is, I guess.

 

 

A couple of weeks ago, I tried out using a captioned spanking meme as a launching pad for a discussion about strictness.  It led to a good discussion about how we each define the level of strictness we want, or think we want.

 

One of the threads suggested an extension of the topic.  It began with a comment from Al about the effect of certain comments from his wife:

 

Comments whose purpose is to belittle or humiliate are a turnoff for me - and thankfully Susan doesn't find them tasteful either. On the other hand - comments that empower Susan's authority to spank at will are very much a turn on - such as Dan's example of "Are we clear?" Just a few days ago, Susan and I were having a minor difference of opinion, and I asked her why her idea was any better than mine. Her reply - "because I'm the one with the paddle". And, I just said "yes ma'am" and let it go. :)

 

 

That last part caused some concerns for T.:

 

I think I would have a bit of a problem if my wife and I had a difference of opinion on something, and she stated I’m the one with the paddle. I guess of course it depends on the circumstances.

 

Al responded:

 

Just to clarify, her comment was actually said in jest - as the issue at hand was of minor importance. Although - it does reflect her comfort level as a disciplinary wife - but we've been a DWC couple since 2001, so probably not unexpected.

 

Which led Norton to observe:

 

"Because I am the one with the paddle" is basically the same topic T and Dan were describing above, as they both had trouble accepting spankings they perceived as unfair or for trivial reasons. In our house, is if she feels motivated to spank for any reason, I have no desire to challenge her, and want her to be dominant. Ms. Terrapin said a while ago, when she realized that she didn't need to be fair, it freed her up to stop second guessing herself. Basically, she assumes the role of a strict mom, and she could stay out late every night if she wanted to, but that didn't mean he could. Of course, you would have to really trust her, and if she really was unfair or selfish, you would probably soon resent it. A future topic could be "what is more important to you in your relationship with your dominant wife - fairness or dominance? That may be an oversimplified question, but it might generate some discussion.

 

So, let’s do that as topic. 

 

Of course, as a preliminary matter, I’m guessing some may say the term “dominant wife” doesn't apply to them, as their wife is not, in fact, dominant. And, the fact that they may do so demonstrates just how separable DD is from FLR and Dominance/submission lifestyles. Note that I didn’t say it’s “separate” from those relationship styles, as there clearly are overlaps for many of us in practice.  But, the fact that some will say they are in a DD relationship but that their wife is not “dominant” shows that the act of discipline may be separate from decision-making power, even when it comes to what is spankable. 

 

I admit, I don’t spend much time thinking about “fairness” in our DD relationship.  But, admittedly, that may be because my wife is someone who does care about fairness and, in the context of DD, probably thinks about it more than I do.

 

And, even though I don’t concern myself that much about fairness, I don’t think I am on the same side of the line as Norton, based on the almost total discretion he is comfortable giving to his wife.  For me, when I say we have an “anytime, anywhere, for any reason” approach to DD, implicit in that is that I know Anne is not the kind of person who acts arbitrarily or might get drunk on her own power.  She’s just not.

 

So, I don’t spend much time thinking about fairness because, in the context of our relationship, I don’t have to.  But, focusing more on Norton’s specific question, our “anytime, anywhere, for any reason” approach probably answers that question by erring on the side of dominance, though I think of it more as “authority” (though that’s undoubtedly just semantics).  Psychologically, I know that I get huge benefits from having someone impose rules and guardrails, and for that to feel real, it can’t be subject to debates about “fairness” or proportionality.  I need to feel that her authority is pretty close to unlimited and, just as importantly, I need her to feel that way.

 

Again, that’s not to say there are not limits or that fairness isn’t a consideration.  If her decisions to spank were arbitrary, I would have a problem with that. But, for me, there is a difference between "arbitrary", on the one hand, and her declaring something is spankable and me thinking it shouldn't be, on the other.  She has a reason, and it may be as one-sided as, "Because that thing you keep doing annoys me," but that doesn't make it arbitrary.

 

 

Similarly, a spanking that was literally for no reason would be a big problem for me, though in part that is because Anne is so binary in her approach, with every spanking being at true punishment levels.

 

"Proportionality", in terms of the severity of the spanking matching the severity of the offense might be another aspect of "fairness", but I think its a potentially problematic one in the context of Domestic Discipline, which is between fully-grown adults.  It's tempting to say that a minor offense should get a moderate spanking, but the reality is, we are fully-grown men, and for a spanking to be disciplinary, it probably needs to be quite hard.  

 

It's also the case that many men who ask for these relationships have at attraction to spanking and, therefore, in order to overcome that attraction, it has to be hard. Period.

 

I also think there is a distinction between "looking for a reason" and there not being any reason.  Right now, thanks to our extended hiatus, I think Anne is very much looking for reasons to spank and wishing she could. But, taking advantage of some conveniently-timed misbehavior as an excuse to spank is not the same thing as not having a reason.

 

 

In any event, whatever concerns I might have about fairness are outweighed by the practical, psychological, and, yes, erotic benefits I get from her being in charge.  So, for me, the answer to Norton's question is that having her in an authoritative, dominant role is more important than abstract concerns about "fairness".

 

It’s also interesting (to me at least), that the concept of “fairness” is almost completely absent from most of the Disciplinary Wives Club website materials and guidebooks.  I ran a quick search on the two main relationship guidebooks, and the terms “fair” and “fairness” don’t appear anywhere in the texts.  I probably shouldn’t be surprised, given Aunt Kay’s emphasis on the unbounded nature of the wife’s authority:

 

The definition of a DWC relationship is that the woman's role involves providing moral and behavioral guidance to the man and he invests her with the absolute authority to decide upon and wield punishments accordingly. The man's role is to accept this authority and strive to gain benefit from it.

 

So, were Aunt Kay and the DWC founders cavalier or dismissive about notions of fairness? I don’t think so.  Just like I don’t think much about fairness because I know Anne does, the DWC seems to implicitly assume the wives’ decisions are grounded in wanting to do the right thing. One of the guides makes it explicit, observing:

 

“Women come from a feminine place of intrinsic wisdom and nurturance.  In fact, we do “know what’s good for men” more often than not.”

 

The wives’ authority was also grounded in the domestic nature of the relationship itself:

 

“Love comes first.  Only with a loving relationship can you have loving discipline. Discipline should be administered because it will benefit both parties.”

 

So, I think Aunt Kay didn’t talk much about “fairness”, because she felt it was already inherent in the maternal discipline mode the DWC promoted.

 

However, note that whatever the DWC founders might have thought about fairness, they would have agreed with Mrs. Terrapin as quoted by Norton that it doesn’t mean the parties are subject to the same rules.  One of the guidebooks noted:

 

“There is an implied "child/authority figure element to the DWC Lifestyle. If a kid gets a discipline spanking from Mom or Auntie, they don't get to say, "Well O.K. but you smoke and drive too fast, so you have to get a spanking too". They just have to accept it, like it or not.”

 

How about you?  How would you answer Norton’s question as which is more important to you, dominance/authority or fairness?

 

Finally, I came across this picture the other day. It seemed to me to perfectly encapsulate how some of us are innately fascinated by female authority, and for some of you it happened at a formative age.

 

 

Have a great week. 

Frequent Spankings for Small Things - a Maintenance Subsitute? (Club Meeting - 564)

“If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right.” — William H. McRaven

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Wives Club – Tribute blog.  Our weekly on-line gathering of women and men who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship of the type advocated by the former Disciplinary Wives Club (archived copy in the “Links I Like” list, below right).

 

I hope you had a great week.  Mine was another fairly bad one, as I’m having a hard time recovering from my recent setback.  I guess in my late 50s I don’t bounce back as well as I used to.  Getting old is not for sissies, yet I prefer it to the only known alternative.

 

 

We had a fairly good discussion last week, especially considering the set up being a single spanking meme.  I don’t plan to do that a lot in the future, but it seemed better than not posting at all, so I’ll probably do it again, though next time I really try not to let the single meme become a full-blown post.  And, the discussion was robust enough to suggest things to talk about this week. So, there is that. Speaking of which . . .

 

It began with me responding to this comment from Red:

 

“[A]lthough I suggest Cindy should be stricter and spank more often, and she is doing this, it is both a spanking and a learning experience for me that certain little habits that she dislikes (I never knew how much) are spanked strongly. I am not happy with being spanked at these times, but accept and learn upon reflection to be more considerate, which is always my goal.”

 

My response was to the effect that it seems an inevitable risk of asking for more strictness is the prospect of getting more spankings that you aren’t fully onboard with, at least not at the time they are ordered:

 

That's the thing with asking for "stricter" - it almost inevitably ends up applying to things that she sees as a big deal, but you may not. I would put a lot of Anne's "pet peeves" in that category. Though, I would also note that once she says she's going to spank for them, I tend to stop doing them relatively easily. The exception is pet peeves that also involve a big element of carelessness or absent-mindedness, like leaving the garage door open or not locking doors when I leave. In those cases, I'm not downplaying or intentionally blowing off her concerns. Rather, I just forget.

 

Glenmore then shared some of his experience with small offenses caused mainly by absentmindedness:

 

“I share your sentiment on getting spanked for minor offences which are really due to absentmindedness Dan , and how selective she can be as to what constitute a spanking offence.

 

She had been reprimanding me for weeks about spending too much time on my phone , which I agreed with so made s point of tracking my use and even offered to accept a spanking for going over my target. Instead she gave me a pass on the basis I was doing something about it and had actually reduced my use.

 

The next evening, we were going to sit outside and she was really mad because I had made myself a cup of herbal tea and did not make one for her.

To me it was no big deal as it was just a spur if the moment thing and didn't think to ask her.

 

However, when I did the same thing a couple of nights later she was really pissed and afterwards she brought out the paddle and spanked me for it. I'll make sure to remember from now on but found it odd that she considered such a minor thing to be a spanking offense while giving me a pass on my phone use.”

 T. responded with something that illustrated my point about how asking for more strictness implicitly means asking for more spankings, which in turn risks getting more spankings you don’t agree with:

 

I was punished again for raising my voice. I actually didn’t agree with this punishment because, in fact, my wife hurt someone’s feelings indirectly. I explained the situation to her and of course became a bit animated. I was correct but unfortunately raised my voice, and that’s exactly what I wanted my wife to hold me accountable for in the first place. She paddled my bottom hard and I gritted my teeth throughout the punishment because I felt it unjust. Therein lies the dynamic of DD that sometimes I struggle with. I want to be held accountable for my actions, but when in a discussion with my wife, where she is wrong, she doesn’t see it that way. She at times sees her side only. [But], I want my wife to be more strict and if I need a thrashing multiple times a week, then so be it.

 

Red then summed it all up with:

 

“Seems like you have your next topic Dan. That is, what seemingly innocent behavior on your part, whether absentmindedly or simply forgetting to ask, has been a pet peeve of your wife who spanked you for it? Did the behavior change? I think every husband has changed behavior because of this.”

 

We’ve talked before (several times) about getting spanked for “small” things. But, this discussion suggested a new angle, namely the way asking for more strictness entails getting more spankings, and the combination of increased strictness and getting spanked more often almost inevitably increases the risk of getting spanked for things you don’t agree with or that seem trivial.

 

 

Red referred specifically to “seemingly innocent behavior”. Very few of my spankings have fallen into that category.  There were a couple of times when Anne spanked me for behavior when out with others that she thought was boorish or overbearing, while I saw it as just a vigorous conversation. Given the profession I was in for 25+ years, I’m very comfortable with arguing positions and am happy to get as well as I give.  I think Anne gets a lot more nervous when voices are raised, and she definitely is quicker to see some topics as too controversial or political for certain company.  Thus, we set the bar on “innocent behavior” at conflicting levels in that particular situation, but that’s really about as close as I’ve gotten to being spanked for “seemingly innocent behavior.”

 

More common is being spanked for things that seem trivial to me but aren’t to her. Leaving a chair pushed out after getting up from a meal is a biggie.  

 

 

Leaving doors unlocked is another.  Leaving the garage door open (accidentally) has gotten me spanked multiple times, yet I’ll concede that one as more of a problem, because our once crime-free neighborhood has experienced a surge of petty thefts from open garages.

 

A bigger category for us—at least in terms of threatened spankings and, had it not been for my injury, probably actual spankings too—is carelessness and the kind of absentmindedness Glenmore referred to.  That has become a bigger and bigger focus, but that’s been mostly at my request.  I honestly don’t think Anne cares that much about most of the incidents in this category, but for me, they are frustrating because (a) many have caused me to waste time and money fixing problems or replacing things, and a few have caused increased physical risks; and (b) many of those situations could have been avoided by paying more attention or being more careful.

 

When I’ve asked her to take carelessness more seriously, I’ve recognized that her doing so might increase dramatically the number of spankings, at least at first, because those incidents happen fairly regularly, and that probably isn’t going to change absent bringing a lot of strictness into it.

 

Further, for me, increasing the number of spankings is kind of a goal in itself, not because I “want” to be spanked more often but because I think it would benefit both of us.  It would benefit me, because it would result in more behavior change and also would humble me in way that, frankly, I think I need.  Conversely, spanking more often would increase her confidence and enable her to exercise more and more control more comfortably.

 

Yet, I know that in getting spanked more often, there are going to be more times that I disagree with the premise for the spanking.  It’s very similar to what T. is going through.  His example is kind of a mixed case, in that he wants his wife to spank him more often for raising his voice, yet in this case he raised his voice because he thought his wife was wrong about something.  It’s the kind of trade-off that probably is inherent in asking for more strictness and her delivering it.

 

For me, getting spanked more often for more trivial things, and possibly for things I don’t agree with, is kind of a substitute for the way other couples use maintenance spankings.  I do see a value in maintenance spankings in terms of reinforcing the roles, empowering her and humbling him, and in keeping the whole DD dynamic front-and-center.  Yet, the concept of spanking on a schedule, with no accountability element, doesn’t really resonate with me or, I think, with Anne.  She does seem to be fully on board with the premise that I should be spanked more often, but she seems unenthused by the idea of scheduling one weekly just to reinforce roles.

 

Lowering the bar on what earns a spanking, therefore, seems to offer the prospect of more frequent spankings while maintaining an element of accountability that we both want.

 

Another justification that resonates with me, and I think maybe with T., Red, and Glenmore as well, is the element of obedience that is in play when you get spanked for something that she has said you will get spanked for even if you think it isn’t inherently wrong or is too trivial.   

 

That situation was summed up best by one-time commenter Mrs. Terrapin:

 

Early in our DD relationship, my husband, like you, asked for strictness and firmness. He craved a structured environment with clear boundaries, much like you described. However, when it came time to enforce discipline, I often found myself hesitating, especially over what seemed like minor infractions. For example, if I had told him to use a coaster on the coffee table and he didn’t, I’d question whether it was fair to spank him for something so trivial. This second-guessing was compounded by his reaction—when the moment for discipline arrived, he’d often try to talk his way out of it, sensing my hesitation. He’d say things like, “Really? For something that small?” and I’d waver. Later, though, he’d circle back and ask me to be more strict, which left me feeling caught in a cycle of doubt and frustration.

 

This pattern persisted until I had a game-changing epiphany: nearly all of the behaviors that warranted discipline boiled down to one of two root causes—disobedience or disrespect. This realization shifted everything for me. Instead of focusing on the surface-level infraction, I began to see the deeper issue. For instance, not using a coaster wasn’t about the coaster itself (which, I agree, is minor); it was about him disobeying a direct instruction, which is an extremely serious matter. And even in instances where I hadn't given a direct instruction or rule, often there is a root cause of disrespect (for instance, him leaving a pair of dirty socks on the bedroom floor - the socks are trivial, the attitude that it's my job to be his maid is a significant display of disrespect).

 

This perspective changed how I approached discipline. The coaster thing is not just a hypothetical - it was exactually the reason for the first spanking I gave my husband after this epiphany. When I told him he was getting a hard punishment for not using a coaster, he tried to downplay it, saying, “Seriously? Just for a coaster?” But I held firm. By the time the punishment was over, his burning backside made it crystal clear that the issue wasn’t the coaster—it was his disobedience to a direct order. I explained that disobedience, no matter how small the context, would always be met with strict consequences, no leniency, no mercy. The same applied to disrespectful behaviors, like leaving messes for me to clean up. Whether or not there was a preexisting rule, those actions showed a lack of respect for me and our dynamic, and that warranted firm discipline.

 

This shift in mindset eliminated my second-guessing. It gave me the clarity and confidence to act decisively when I felt annoyed or disrespected, knowing that I was addressing the root cause, not just the surface issue. It also aligned perfectly with my husband’s desire for stricter boundaries, even if he wasn’t thrilled about the consequences in the moment. Over time, this approach has strengthened our DD dynamic, making it more consistent and fulfilling for both of us.

 

Thoughts on any of this?

 

Have a great week.

How Does It (Spanking Meme) Speak to You? Issue #1 (Club Meeting - 563)

“If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a warning and not as an example.” - George Bernard Shaw

 Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Wives Club – Tribute blog.  Our weekly on-line gathering of women and men who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship of the type advocated by the former Disciplinary Wives Club (archived copy in the “Links I Like” list, below right).

 

I hope you all had a great week.  Mine was . . . not great.  It began with an unanticipated adventure to help some friends out of a jam.  I’m glad I could help, and it was the right thing to do, especially as it was kind of similar to the help that someone gave me after my accident. But, it also was more strenuous activity than I’ve had in months, and I’ve been paying the price for it all week. 

 

 

I feel like I’m slowly getting back to where I was before this week’s little adventure, but it’s a bummer to lose a week of progress toward real normality. Oh well . . . it was a break from my routine, and it ended (mostly) well, all things considered.

 

I came into the weekend without much to in the way of topic ideas.  Although we got some participation last week, it wasn’t a lot, and nothing grabbed my attention as a new topic idea or launch pad for further discussion.

 

So, I almost decided not to post this week. Again.  But, I hate getting into that habit.

 

So, instead, several weeks ago, someone suggested that on weeks when I wasn’t inspired to write a long post, I might post a meme, picture, or piece of spanking artwork and ask for people’s reactions or ask them to fill in the story. 

 

I thought at the time that it was a good idea, though it requires more preparation than one might think. Not every meme or drawing is thought-provoking or invites speculation about what is going on behind the scenes.  And, given that I have literally thousands upon thousands of items in my collection, searching for good candidates is itself a chore.  But, I’m slowly moving contenders into their own file as I come across them.

 

I will give it a try this week, starting with a meme that appeared in last week’s post and didn’t get any comment.  

 

For future posts, I’m more interested in memes and pics that are enigmatic in some way that invites commenters to imagine what is going on behind the scenes.  This one isn’t really like that; it’s pretty “on the nose” regarding the subject matter.  But, I liked it because it managed to pack so many of our fairly regular Domestic Discipline themes into one little meme.

 

The way I envision this working is for commenters to say anything they want about picture, the pictorial content, the written statements, and perhaps the background story behind all those elements.  Basically, anything that comes to mind.  Here are a few of my reactions:

 

Model: Although I like this meme, for me it’s more about the words attributed to the model and not to the model or subject herself.  In fact, I’m not sure there is a human subject.  She is a little too flawless, in the way so many AI-generated images are.  And, regardless, the flawless, young, professional model look is not what gets my motor running when it comes to spanking and DD memes.  I’m far more into a “regular” woman look, especially if she’s displaying anger or dominance.

 

 

In that vein, I very recently came across this video.  It seems like a straight up legitimate domestic spanking scene, with a wife who for me is almost a prototype for a “real” wife who has taken firm control. It’s also a great demonstration that a spanking doesn’t have to be long to be effective; start to finish, it’s less than two minutes.

 

 

Strictness and its implications:  The unseen husband has clearly asked for his wife to be stricter.  She’s decided to accommodate him, but it instantly goes in a direction that he probably didn’t ask for.  I have talked to Anne many times about being more strict, and I try to keep in mind that if it happens (and all signs are it would be happening absent my long convalescence), it could go in directions that I find way more aversive than a spanking, like . . .

 

 

Grounding:  I’ve done several posts about grounding, but they never seemed to get much traction.  I do gravitate toward grounding scenarios, perhaps because they trigger my attraction to “maternal” discipline.  When I was growing up, one of my friends was frequently grounded, and his mother was an incredible stickler.  No matter the reason, she wouldn’t budge on letting him out of it early, and she measured the time down to the minute. I remember one time we came over to get him to come along to something one afternoon, and we had to sit around for 30 minutes because we came over at 3:30 but he had gotten grounded at 4:00.  I had a huge crush on her.

 

“You’re calling your friends to tell them”: One thing that makes grounding an effective punishment for kids is it is inherently public. Friends knowing about it is kind of the point.  Here though, it seems like the wife is cranking it up a notch by having him call his friends and proactively tell them, before any shared event that he’s to be grounded from is in play.  To me, that’s a big distinction. Given my current friends set, I honestly think I wouldn’t have a big problem declining an invitation to something based on Anne grounding me, though I don’t doubt I’d try to make it something of a joke.  It would be much harder to have to tell others that I’d been grounded in the absence of any pending invitation.  Though, I don't think it would be as embarrassing as having to tell someone, or having someone you know told, that you were, or are about to be, spanked.

 

 

Every night spankings: After we tried multiple spankings for the same offense, I kind of came around to the views that many of you had expressed about the value of having a single spanking “clear the slate.”  Yet, it seems like this situation is a little different. The husband is being spanked for attitude, and he is implicitly given a way out: change the attitude!  And, while I do see the wisdom of clearing the slate and moving on, I admit that I still have a strong visceral reaction to spanking stories in which two (or more) spankings are the norm for certain conduct.

 

“Little man”:  Although I like it when Anne is verbally controlling (not in that moment, but after-the-fact for sure), I’m not a fan of belittling language like “little man”.  But, I do like the “Are we clear” rhetorical question.

 

Thoughts?

Riffing on Some Member Comments About Strictness, Female Leadership, and Openness About Roles (Club Meeting - 562)

“Followership is a discipline of supporting leaders and helping them to lead well. It is not submission, but the wise and good care of leaders, done out of a sense of gratitude for their willingness to take on the responsibilities of leadership, and a sense of hope and faith in their abilities and potential.” — Reverend Paul Beedle

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Wives Club – Tribute blog.  Our weekly on-line gathering of women and men who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship of the type advocated by the former Disciplinary Wives Club (archived copy in the “Links I Like” list, below right).

 

I hope you all had a good week.  Mine was okay. Getting back to full mobility is a painfully long process, but it is, in fact, a process.  I’ve been a little bummed out, as some friends left on a trip this week that, absent this injury, I would be going on. But, it is what it is . . . . 

 

I don’t know whether it’s a good or a bad thing, but while progress may be slow, there is progress, and it pulls me inevitably closer to that first post-injury spanking.  It’s been on my mind a lot, and it’s also clearly been on Anne’s. 

 

A couple of days ago, she referenced a tentative plan to give me one this week.  I had to remind her that my tailbone is still a problem. And, it is. 

 

But, it may be getting to a state where spanking in some form is doable. I don’t think I could take a hard paddling with anything wooden quite yet.  A cane is the more obvious candidate, though Anne has never liked, or gotten proficient, with that instrument. Maybe if it’s the only way to get back into it?

 

And, I do feel like she really is itching to get back into it.  Which is, in itself, a testament to how much has changed over the last couple of years.  In the past, I never felt like she was just accommodating my need for discipline; it was reasonably clear that she did get a lot out of our DD relationship.  But, getting a benefit from it isn’t quite the same thing as really embracing it and being into it as much or more than he is.    

 

Really adopting it as her own, openly lamenting when it’s not happening, bringing it up, often in the context of threatening its use . . . those are all things that have become a more prominent part of her approach to our relationship only in the last couple of years.

 

It’s one reason this medically-induced hiatus—our second (and sort of third) in two years)—is so unfortunate. It feels like we were on the verge of a truly meaningful shift in her level of dedication to taking charge, but it’s been one long interruption after another.

 

Ward talked recently about a similar process he’s gone through:

 

I can sympathize with Dan. I had to wait for months for my wife to heal, and I dreaded the impending spanking when she was close to being able to administer one. Like you, it's all I could think about while she was in the process of healing. The interesting thing was when we talked about it, she couldn't wait to be able to give me a spanking. The hard thing was when it finally happened it was for a very real selfish act on my part. The guilt was eating me up. When the spanking was over, I was crying real tears for some time, after which I stood in the corner apologizing over and over again. That did not prevent her from putting me back across her lap before bed to drive home the point that it better never happen again. It definitely was a reset for us. Things have been way better, and the intimacy is like nothing we have experienced before. Touching and holding each other like we are truly in love. She loves the attention I have been giving her since she started spanking me again when I get out of line.

 

I’m not sure whether it is the same incident (maybe he’ll clarify), but Ward also talked about his wife’s new dedication to taking charge:

 

We are full FLR now! I made a huge mistake and manipulated her to get my way. The whole deal went sideways and we missed out on an opportunity both of us wanted. I felt terrible it was all my fault. If she had stuck to her instinct instead of being pushed into something she wasn't sure she wanted by me we would have been way better off. We talked about it when it happened and I told her how sorry I was but we both knew that it would happen again and the only chance to prevent it was some severe consequences. I was put over her lap and paddled while she lectured me about it not happening again. I was crying real tears not from the pain but because I was truly sorry.. I was sent to the corner until I was able to stop crying then we had a long talk about her putting some guard rails in to to prevent it from happening again. I had to stand in the corner for an hour tonight and got another spanking before bed. I hope this helps me change this behavior in the future. I really screwed up.

 

I was curious about what he did, but T beat me to asking about it:

 

“Ward, just out of curiosity, what was the big mistake that was made. Is it something you can reveal here? I do envy a bit of your relationship. I would wonder what a true FLR relationship would feel like. I would like to know if it would have a positive change on me, or would I build resentment towards my wife. Unfortunately, I will never know because my wife wants me to lead. We have a typical marriage except for DD. I wish I had met her in my mid twenties. I truly believe FLR could have benefited me then. My wife is a bit older than I am and I’ve always been attracted to older females. I find that they know what they want and seem to ignore the BS for the most part. Dan post some incredible pics of older women who I find incredibly sexy.”

 

Ward gave some additional details:

 

I manipulated her into signing a contract on a home I thought I wanted, only to see our dream home. But, we couldn't put in an offer because of the contract I pushed her into, and someone else bought our dream home in the meantime. It's not the first time I have manipulated her into a decision we both regretted. She spanked me multiple times that day to make it clear that it will never happen again. I am to be the perceived leader, but I am her husband and never allowed to make the final decision. At home I obey her and do most of the work inside and outside. We are retired but now I have to do her bidding or suffer the consequences. To be honest while I don't always like the punishments and chores it has made our marriage unbreakable. I'm still struggling at times to trust her judgment but she has great instincts and has never made a bad decision unless I pushed her into it. My love for her is beyond description.

 

I quote that exchange extensively, because I don’t have much of a real topic in mind this week, so I thought I might riff on some of the things it brings up for me.

 

First, T stated that he experiences some envy at Ward’s description of being in something like a real FLR.  I get that and feel a similar envy whenever someone describes a scenario in which a DD wife really takes charge.  Part of me really craves Anne stepping up her level of control in a powerful way; a way that is so strong-willed that it feels irresistible.

 

Yet, T is clearly right to at least wonder whether it would prove to be a positive change, or would he resent it?  TB made a similar point when talking about what he went through mentally when his wife started ramping things up, from accommodating his spanking interest to something that involved more rules and that was truly disciplinary in severity:

 

So, in many ways it was a ‘be careful what you wish for’ as initially I had no real concept of how painful a real spanking would be and how difficult submitting would be, not just to the increasingly painful spankings but also to a set of modified behaviours and controls.

 

 

For me, I suspect that increasingly stringent controls on my behavior would be harder to deal with than the resulting spankings.  It’s one thing to fantasize about being under someone else’s direction, and quite another when you’re experiencing it in real-time in circumstances where you feel a real curtailment of your own agency and independence. 

 

Coincidentally, I came across this meme last week that sums up a wide range of consequences some of us sometimes suggest we’d like to experience but that might feel uncomfortably uncomfortable in reality.

 

Yet, while I think T is right to ask the question about possible resentment, I also can’t help but sharing the curiosity that leads him to want to at least experience it.

 

Since I don’t have a real topic in mind, I’ll throw this out for any thoughts others might have about being under someone’s increasing control and how the reality might differ from the fantasy?  If you’ve gone through such a transition yourself, how did it come about, and how did it make you feel?  Was it a positive development, or one you struggled with?

 

One discomforting thing a real FLR, or a very strict DD, might entail is the wife’s empowerment being very visible to others.  Which raises another interesting angle on Ward and T’s observations.  T notes that, as much as he may be curious about what an FLR-like relationship might feel like, “Unfortunately, I will never know because my wife wants me to lead”.

 

In a similar vein, Ward notes: “I am to be the perceived leader . . .”   

 

This is something that’s come up in a lot of comments over the years.  A couple is in a genuine DD relationship, which inherently involves the wife taking on authority above and beyond what exists in most marriages, yet it’s important to one or both of them that he is either designated “the leader” or at least perceived to be so by others.  To me, it's doubly interesting in that Ward seems to see his wife taking over as a good thing, as she has good judgment, even if he needs to learn to trust it, and T has often commented on the fact that his wife has great temperament and judgment.  Yet, in both relationships, one or both parties thinks the man should be the leader, or at least should be perceived that way bother others.

 

It's an interesting issue that maybe calls into question how much gender dynamics have really changed over the hears and/or whether the mere establishment of a DD relationship does much to challenge them.  To put it succinctly, if the husband wants the wife to be in charge, and if she, in fact, exhibits better judgment and/or temperament, why shouldn’t she be the openly acknowledged leader?  

 

Maybe T. and Ward, and others who have experience with it, can talk about this more?  It’s not something I have much direct experience with. The closest I come is that, when the kids were still at home, Anne said that she worried that being more open about her spanking me and being more in charge might cause them to lose respect for me. 

 

But, it’s worth noting that I never really shared that concern. To the contrary, I’ve always been attracted to the idea of others knowing Anne is in charge.

 

However, I also need to keep in mind that Anne’s concerns on that front arose when we were in a life situation that no longer exists. We had kids at home. We had jobs and job-related reputations to be concerned about. That’s not the case anymore. Therefore, if those were the things that caused her to be less open about being open, given that those conditions no longer exist, maybe her attitude toward openness could change.  

 

And, and, if things were to change, it could happen quickly and unexpectedly. I recall former commenter KOJ (who I miss a lot) talking about how quickly his wife became very comfortable displaying her authority:

 

“Dan, it was shockingly abrupt with my wife, with no explanation. She must have been thinking about it for a long time. She had been hiding her authority over me due to concern about both of our careers. I had no idea that she wanted to display her authority, or at least not hide it. But suddenly she was making the same demands and comments in public that she did in private. I was taken aback. Eventually we talked about it. She was her matter-of-fact self. ‘You'll just have to accept it like you do your spankings,’ she said. I came to realize that power is more powerful the more people know about it!”

  

 

When he described specific instances in which she exercised that openness, I was morbidly attracted to it, and I still am. For me, the desire to be subject to increasing levels of strictness and control, and the prospect of Anee being more confident and open in wielding her control, are probably different aspects of the same underlying desire. It's not so much about wanting to suffer the embarrassment of being "outed" as in a relationship where I get spanked at my wife's discretion but, rather, wanting to have a wife who is so self-confident and in touch with her own power that she doesn't feel the need to hide it.  At bottom, my kink (for lack of a better word) has always been rooted in being taken control of by a powerful woman and not about spanking per se, though the spanking is an important element of the expression of that power.

 

The DWC’s Aunt Kay advocated that wives being in control was not just appropriate but ideal, though she acknowledged it’s not the world we live in:

 

“Attitude is the whole thing in spanking a man. You can work on improving your techniques over time, but you have to start with the right attitude.  Think about it. How many times and in how many ways has he shown you that he is basically a spoiled brat, a little boy, in a grown man’s body? A million? Two million? That's what you are dealing with, and if our world wasn't so confused, it would be normal for the woman of the house to wield the moral authority and the hairbrush without a second thought.”

 

Although I may regret if it actually happens, part of me really wants to experience that overt display of authority, combined with picking up the brush without a second thought, even if it’s a fantasy that I might come to regret were it to be fulfilled. KOJ’s experience is a cautionary note that it could, in fact, happen even if it feels very speculative today.  Yet, I also didn’t get the sense that he was unhappy with the development, even if it was sometimes profoundly embarrassing.

 

Again, I don’t have a well-defined topic in mind.  Chime in with anything that interests you.

 

By the way, in a week in which two major AI platforms have disclosed that their creations escaped and hacked into other systems, this seems appropriate: