Hi all. I hope you had a great weekend. We're going to be out for several days this week. If I post at all, it will be late in the week.
There was a discussion developing in this week's post regarding corner time. Feel free to continue to explore that topic if you like. Otherwise, we'll talk next week.
This blog is a curated resource for those genuinely and positively interested in DD and FLR lifestyles. Comments that are rude, uncivil, inconsistent with the blog's theme or off-topic may not be posted or may be removed. Please use a name or initials (doesn't have to be your real one) when commenting - it helps commenters keep track of who is "talking."
Like I said last week she likes to use corner time in place of a spanking. Usually it just because she is not in the mood to spank me. So I end up in the corner. Sometimes she will remember why I was put in the corner and address it on a weekend morning if she thinks I need a reminder to behave over the weekend.
ReplyDeleteWe spend more time together and around others on the weekends and she doesn't want want me to embarras her so sometimes I get a maintenance spanking. The image at the top is so fitting because we live in an RV although she usually will wait till just before bed to address bad behavior. I was moody this afternoon and she would have given me a spanking in the morning to make sure that didn't happen in public but she forgot then when I started to take an attitude. I was told I would get a spanking when we got back to the RV. One thing led to another and it was delayed until my bedtime then she put me over an ottoman and took her paddle to me. It really hurt since my bottom was still sore from the blistering I got last Monday for trying to tell her what to do. She did not put me in the corner after but sent me to bed
I don't think I envy your RV living. I like it for a few days at a time, and it's a great way to get from new place to new place. But, I'm too much of an introvert to do it full-time. For me, there is such a thing as too much togetherness.
DeleteShe often will use corner time before a spanking, as it gets me focused and being told to go stand in the corner always puts me in a submissive frame of mind. She usually has me there for 5 to 10 minutes, and then calls me over for a talk before the spanking begins. It would be extremely embarrasing if there was a witness, which hopefully happens someday. It seems obvious that being told to go stand in the corner is a demonstration of her authority in the relationship, and is a prelude to a real spanking. It took awhile before I had the nerve to ask for it, and it definately adds to the humiliation.
ReplyDeleteI thought that corner time would be humbling for me, but it's really not. Boredom takes over.
DeleteMy husband doesn't know this but I sometimes stand in the corner pants down when I know I have done something wrong. It arouses me and settles me down at the same time, if that's possible. I think about what I did, why I did it, and what I am going to do differently the next time. I put one of those windup kitchen timers behind me. I close my eyes when I set it so I don't know how many minutes I have sentenced myself to, and I don't come out until it rings. It feels like real punishment and I feel relieved after. I am sure that being put in the corner by my husband would work even better. This is the first time I have told anybody about this.
ReplyDeleteCynthia Ellen
I do the same thing if she is out running errands and I have done something I think I should have been punished for I will stand in the corner and think about the spanking I should have gotten. Yes it arouses me until I start thinking about how much the last one hurt. I think fantasy and reality are two different things
DeleteThank you for sharing, Cynthia. I your hubby aware or this? He may enjoy knowing you are in the corner awaiting a spanking and put you back in the corner afterwards.
DeleteI think that's a great process for fostering self-discipline. Literally. Thanks, Cynthia Ellen!
DeleteNo matter the time, place or whatever, my wife decides the punishment. I have been spanked in hotel rooms, bed & breakfasts, campsights and on the side of the road. Whatever she says goes...
ReplyDeleteWe always try to punish immediately after the infraction. I, too, have been spanked in many places, including the home of friends.
DeleteI wish my wife would take care of the matter as soon as possible waiting only makes it worse. I think in order to change my behavior I need to know she will take action one warning should be enough but if I'm in one of my bad moods no amount of warning will fix it until I feel the consequences. If it hurts to walk or sit
DeleteShe will have my attention and a change of attitude
but she lets it slide I can go down hill fast
We have never used corner time, but if we did I've imagined that it would be immediately after I've received my spanking. My guess is that Beth wouldn't find it very interesting, but it's never come up.
ReplyDeleteI've wondered what it would feel like to be disciplned while my wife's sisters or friends are present and any thought I've given to corner time has centered on that. That's not going to happen though, and I doubt if I'd find it as exciting as I'm picturing it to be.
I hate it when reality does not meet up to my fantasy but it never really does. I have dreams about being punished in front of others
DeleteAs I said above, corner time isn't humbling to me, but I can see how it could be *very* humbling if combined with witnesses.
DeleteI suspect most of us have some fantasy that may never happen, but is erotic to contemplate. That said, the overall fantasy of being spanked has definately proven to be extremely satisfying. The challenge has been to find a woman that enjoys her role as a disciplinarian. Now that is a reality, my life is much better all around.
ReplyDeleteI suspect that women who are already into being disciplinarians are hard to find. But, thankfully, they don't seem difficult to make. In other words, it seems like many "vanilla" wives can develop a spanking interest once their husband suggests it.
DeleteHi Dan,
DeleteI agree wholeheartedly, though obviously some take to it better than others, depending especially on their upbringing and life experiences. In the end, smart spouses should care a lot about what interests, desires, fantasies, needs and so on that their spouse might have. And many wives who ultimately do try DD discover that they kind of get a rush from having and exercising authority in this way, in addition to the very obvious personal and relationship benefits that come from DD (better communication, her voice is more heard, way to deal with irritations, clean slate, etc.). Perhaps the biggest surprise from my wife is that she was not only willing to explore this with me - which was great and perhaps even more than I really expected - but that over time, my fantasy become our fantasy, and it has brought us so close together. I can't even imagine how much different it might be if I had never told her openly about this desire, and instead had tried to keep it hidden. At that point, as I would have been exploring DD on my own by reading and so on, DD and the hidden secret would be something potentially driving my wife and me apart, instead of being something that brings us together.
I am convinced that many (not all) wives would be open to this if their partner shared openly and honestly with them, took their time and didn't go to quickly, answered their questions, and explored it together. Oftentimes, we don't get simply because we don't ask.
-ZM
ZM, yes, this is where the situation with DD being a taboo (to many) becomes unhelpful. He fears his wife will think of it as a taboo and he therefore refrains from discussing it, even if he very much desires it, cementing its status as something taboo, meaning it remains secret, potentially driving them apart.
DeleteYou are definitely right with what I think you are getting at, which is that men desiring this should approach it from the WIIFM ("what's in it for me?") standpoint: doing their best to explain what SHE will gain from the DD lifestyle.
Putting a few thoughts that others have expressed together:
ReplyDelete"Like I said last week she likes to use corner time in place of a spanking."
"...being told to go stand in the corner always puts me in a submissive frame of mind...It would be extremely embarrassing if there was a witness, which hopefully happens someday. It seems obvious that being told to go stand in the corner is a demonstration of her authority in the relationship, and is a prelude to a real spanking."
"I've wondered what it would feel like to be disciplined while my wife's sisters or friends are present and any thought I've given to corner time has centered on that."
And probably sparking this aspect of corner time off, last week I said "...considering my morbid fascination with witnesses, it is probably no surprise that I immediately imagine this (corner time) happening with witnesses in the room after a witnessed spanking."
From when witnesses first came up several years ago until pretty recently, I maintained that it would be more embarrassing for others to know my wife spanks me or see her spank me than it would be for them to know she has real disciplinary authority in the relationship. Recently, I have been less sure of this.
As I have reflected more on last weeks topic and after reading others comments this week, I have started to think about how it might feel if my wife made me stand in the corner when she had a friend there even if she didn't spank me in front of them. I am thinking that it might be just as embarrassing to have to silently stand there for the duration of their stay - like some sort of living statue to her authority and my being subject to it - as it would be if she just stripped my pants off and spanked me in front of them.
-ZM
Ah yes, one of my favorite fantasies is for Beth's three sisters to walk in while she is spanking me or when I'm in the corner with my pants down. Two thoughts jolt me back to reality. One is that my wife would never go along with it, as it would be more embarrassing for her than for me. The other is that after any excitement is over, I'll still have a relationship with my sisters in law and this would be something they will never unsee. It's still fun to think about her sisters that way though. Somehow more exciting than her friends.
DeleteThe commonness of this fantasy and its many variations (including my own) makes me think that at some deep level, men with the fantasy want to reveal to the world, that our wife or girlfriend spanks us. This seems to me part of the need for the exercise of loving female authority -- and as social animals we want to in a small way socialize that act.
DeleteWe sensibly don’t want to do it in a very public way (most of us don’t ) hence limiting it to one or a couple of witnesses. But we do want to connect our disciplinary relationship to the wider world.
But not all of us want this . As widespread as the “witness fantasy” seems to be, apparently there are many men who are in F/M relationships (or want to be) who feel discipline should be very private. Presumably they do not want their spanking witnessed and would be appalled if it happened.
So the question is why the duality between men who otherwise seem to seek all the emotional experiences of the F/M relationship. To bring the topic back to corner time, I have noted that sometimes my wife makes provocative and titillating remarks about my bare bum standing in the corner after a spanking. This actually turns me on some and that is pretty exhibitionist. Might exhibitionism be behind the fantasy of being spanked in front of a witness?
Alan
Hi Kevin,
Delete"One is that my wife would never go along with it, as it would be more embarrassing for her than for me." - I can see why that might be, though I think this is much more true in the scenario where they walk in unexpectedly. If on the other hand, they are fully aware of your DD relationship and understand that it is something that you want/need and that is is something real (as opposed to erotic spanking), then I can see how your wife might feel very empowered by it, rather than embarrassed.
"The other is that after any excitement is over, I'll still have a relationship with my sisters in law and this would be something they will never unsee." - I too often think about witnesses not being able to "unsee" something. One question I often ask my wife - and for that matter myself - is "if everyone would forget everything they saw in 24 hours, and if they couldn't tell anyone else, what would you do?" Obviously the potentially changed relationship dynamics between you (or your wife) and the witnesses is a real and valid concern, though surprisingly, those who have had witnesses seem to pretty overwhelmingly say that it has resulted in improved relationships with those who have witnessed. I can't say from personal experience, but one thing I can say is that since my wife told a couple of people everything about our DD (her close friend and her sister), and recently I spent enough time with both of them to say with confidence that it hasn't changed anything at all. Of course, this is with them knowing, not seeing, though one has "audibly witnessed" a spanking.
-ZM
Hi Alan,
DeleteI agree that much of this desire is probably rooted in our innate drive to be social. “Yes, it is something which is quite private, so I don't want to publicly broadcast it, but at the same time, it is something that is very much part of me, so I don't want to have to completely hide it either.” And also, as you said before, having others know about it seems to make it more undeniably real.
"As widespread as the 'witness fantasy' seems to be, apparently there are many men who are in F/M relationships (or want to be) who feel discipline should be very private." - One thing I haven't thought about before is that as far as I can tell, the same people who absolutely don't want witnesses are also those who are the most opposed to humiliation as an aspect of spanking. Generally they recognize that spanking is naturally at least somewhat humiliating, but they try to minimize (or at least not maximize) that element of it.
“So the question is why the duality between men who otherwise seem to seek all the emotional experiences of the F/M relationship?” - If my above premise is correct, then the difference is that for some men (like me) the humbling and all the emotions that come with it is a big part of their motivation for DD, while for others, humiliation is to be minimized wherever possible, and their focus is more on the physical punishment and righting the wrong that was committed.
This is very much in line with what I have generally thought about my personal desire for witnesses or others knowing. I crave the humbling that comes only from that; my wife spanking me is humbling, but because of the intimacy of our relationship, it is MUCH less humbling than having someone else from non-intimate spheres of life know or see.
“...sometimes my wife makes provocative and titillating remarks about my bare bum standing in the corner after a spanking. This actually turns me on some and that is pretty exhibitionist. Might exhibitionism be behind the fantasy of being spanked in front of a witness?” - This is a turn-on, but it is also a bit humbling when she does this. This makes me wonder how those who don’t like the thought of witnesses very much or those that want to minimize humiliation during spanking feel about this (her commenting on your exposed bottom while you are in the corner)? As for whether the desire for witnesses could be a manifestation of exhibitionism, I could see how it could be at least somewhat. However, I don’t have any other exhibitionist desires that I know of, so who knows?
-ZM
I think those who fear being found out have a legit concern. I think if some of our friends knew they would look down on me for wanting this. My family and friends are very religious and would not accept my wanting to be under her authority. I have choosen this because in the past if we had an argument it would go on for hours and she would end up with hurt fieelings. I then realized that she would not accept my authority because I had made some huge mistakes and she did not respect my choices and she was right. I asked her to take charge and be the authority and end the arguments with a spanking if necessary. Since then then the arguments are less frequent because a spanking or corner time is used if I continue to argue
DeleteAnonymous, agreed that authority to end arguments with a spanking is necessary. Out of curiosity, do you think it is possible for the wife to have the authority for this, but not for everything else?
DeleteZM, I am among the men for whom physical punishment, rather than humiliation, is the focus (and my wife is on the same page). It is possible to add to the punishment using humiliation, exhibitionism etc, but our personal preference is to just extend the spanking or make it harder, so that everything finishes with the spanking and a line is drawn under the offence.
I want her to be empowered not only to end arguments but to make decisions for us. She does ask my opinion or tell me that it is up to me some of the time but her word is final on anything and everything. I don't always like what she decides but that is just part of being submissive to her. I want a true FLM so we are both happy because like I said I have made a lot of bad choices before I met her.
DeleteWard
Sounds like things work very well as a result for you, Anonymous. Glad you and your wife have reached a decision-making structure that results in the best outcomes for your home. Supposing your decision-making were good and she had the authority to spank you whenever she wanted, but not necessarily authority for everything else?
DeleteHi Kevin, I posted a reply last night, but apparently it got caught in Google's spam filter. I don't see how they can avoid antitrust legal action with the amount of control they wield over different parts of the internet. Anyway, here it is again.
DeleteHi Kevin,
"One is that my wife would never go along with it, as it would be more embarrassing for her than for me." - I can see why that might be, though I think this is much more true in the scenario where they walk in unexpectedly. If on the other hand, they are fully aware of your DD relationship and understand that it is something that you want/need and that is is something real (as opposed to erotic spanking), then I can see how your wife might feel very empowered by it, rather than embarrassed.
"The other is that after any excitement is over, I'll still have a relationship with my sisters in law and this would be something they will never unsee." - I too often think about witnesses not being able to "unsee" something. One question I often ask my wife - and for that matter myself - is "if everyone would forget everything they saw in 24 hours, and if they couldn't tell anyone else, what would you do?" Obviously the potentially changed relationship dynamics between you (or your wife) and the witnesses is a real and valid concern, though surprisingly, those who have had witnesses seem to pretty overwhelmingly say that it has resulted in improved relationships with those who have witnessed. I can't say from personal experience, but one thing I can say is that since my wife told a couple of people everything about our DD (her close friend and her sister), and recently I spent enough time with both of them to say with confidence that it hasn't changed anything at all. Of course, this is with them knowing, not seeing, though one has "audibly witnessed" a spanking.
-ZM
Anonymous,
Delete“I think those who fear being found out have a legit concern. I think if some of our friends knew they would look down on me for wanting this.” - Most likely true. I think almost nobody is comfortable with everyone knowing, nor should they be. Those who choose to tell people generally need to be quick careful who they choose to reveal it to. This is particularly true depending on the people who surround you.
Your example of (presumably conservative) religious family and friends is a prime example. If they believe that the husband is the head of the wife, then they will have a hard time with a wife being in charge. I think this is especially true the more FLR the relationship is. If it is just pure DD, where she is punishing you for your breaking rules that you probably mostly established in the first place, it becomes a bit less clear cut. I am from a background not much different than this, so I have spent a lot of time thinking “what if the husband is in charge and has the final say on everything, and he tells her to spank him when he breaks a rule?” Unless you can make a solid case that spanking is in and of itself morally wrong (difficult to do if using something like the Bible as your reference), then she would have no good reason to not obey if he is really in charge.
Anyway, I am glad that you found something that works for you! In the end, that is what is important.
Anonymous 2,
“Anonymous, agreed that authority to end arguments with a spanking is necessary. Out of curiosity, do you think it is possible for the wife to have the authority for this, but not for everything else?” - I absolutely think it is possible for the wife to have limited authority. For example, in our relationship, she has unrestrained authority to punish me when she sees fit, but we jointly make most decisions, and all important decisions. Could she use her unlimited authority to punish me to get her way on some issue? Probably she could, but remember that we are in a loving relationship and she is a very fair, correct person, so I can generally presume good intentions. What is more likely is that in the event we disagree about something, I could end up being punished not for not agreeing with her, but rather for treating her with disrespect while in the process of disagreeing.
“ZM, I am among the men for whom physical punishment, rather than humiliation, is the focus (and my wife is on the same page). It is possible to add to the punishment using humiliation, exhibitionism etc, but our personal preference is to just extend the spanking or make it harder, so that everything finishes with the spanking and a line is drawn under the offence.” - I totally understand your point of view. Just to clarify a tiny bit, I wasn’t trying to separate those who focus on physical punishment from those who focus more on humiliation because I assume that everyone here probably has physical punishments as a primary focus. But some tend to focus almost exclusively on the physical act of punishment and the pain that comes with it (“my bottom hurt for days and I learned a good lesson”), where others tend to focus more on the emotions surrounding the whole event (“I felt like a naughty little boy standing there with my burning, red bottom on display”). In the end, it is a subtle distinction.
-ZM
ZM: "If my above premise is correct, then the difference is that for some men (like me) the humbling and all the emotions that come with it is a big part of their motivation for DD, while for others, humiliation is to be minimized wherever possible, and their focus is more on the physical punishment and righting the wrong that was committed."
DeleteI think that's a likely true distinction.
Alan and ZM: There do seem to be lots of nuances around our male wiring in terms of what we find titillating or terrifying, or both. Setting aside actual witness, I find someone knowing about the authority aspect of DD to be more embarrassing than someone knowing about spanking. I don't seem to be that prone to embarrassment where kink is concerned. If anything, I feel kind of sorry for people who are too inhibited or too conventional to explore kinky experiences. Yet, I do have big qualms about family or friends knowing about power dynamics, specifically that the kinky spankings are about way more than kink and are, instead, an expression of authority and of a certain power structure.
Anonymous: “I think those who fear being found out have a legit concern. I think if some of our friends knew they would look down on me for wanting this.” I was always very paranoid about others knowing, though largely related to others in my profession knowing. I do think some friends and family would look down on me, but (a) that may mean I'm not giving them enough credit; and (b) it undoubtedly means I let others opinions influence my behavior too much.
ZM, your description of a DD-only situation sounds an interesting one. I suppose what you are describing is sort-of a checks-and-balances system? The husband is in charge, but the wife acts as "checks and balances". Are those the lines you were thinking along? I suppose he may not want to go as far as the obedience thing to get it: maybe some wives would be happy with such a situation?
DeleteHi Dan,
Delete"Setting aside actual witness, I find someone knowing about the authority aspect of DD to be more embarrassing than someone knowing about spanking." - as I said elsewhere in one of my comments, I used to think I was the opposite of you. But as I was thinking about how embarrassed I would be to have to stand in the corner when my wife had someone there, even if they never saw me spanked or even knew for sure that I would be spanked, I realized that indeed it is the "being under authority" that is truly the most embarrassing.
Anonymous,
"I suppose what you are describing is sort-of a checks-and-balances system? The husband is in charge, but the wife acts as 'checks and balances'" - definitely true for checks and balances, but what I was describing is closer to an egalitarian partnership, where both partners make decisions together, generally deferring to the one with more interest or knowledge about particular subjects as necessary. So they act as true partners 99.9% of the time as they walk through life together. But in those times that his male ego gets in the way, when he needs motivation to achieve the goals they have agreed on, or if he chooses to ignore rules they agreed to, she has the authority to correct him. While it sounds unequal as I describe it, in reality I think it ends up being a lot closer to equal, since more often than not, the balance of power tends to shift more to the husband in most relationships. This is changing as women have more agency, but we are certainly not there yet.
-ZM
ZM, I suppose this kind of "checks and balances" setup could work well for both couples where the husband is in charge and partnerships. Referring back to "A Husband's Essay" on the DWC website, I suppose the "tone-up spanking" would be particularly applicable in either of these two situations. The essay mentioned "clearing the air" and "being there for her" when it comes to spankings, which I guess can be done regardless of who is in charge, similarly doing so when he becomes "depressed or pouty". He can take the initiative to bring "closure". Thoughts?
DeleteI have always fantasized about being put in the corner in front of company bare bottomed waiting for them to leave knowing I would be spanked as soon as the door was closed . The mystery of someone knowing what is happening to me but having to use their imagination as to the actual spanking adds to that pre spanking build up that clearly excites me of course until the actual spanking starts and I am immediately begging her to stop and wishing I had behaved.
ReplyDeleteHi Ward,
DeleteThere is a certain mystery and power to someone knowing what is about to happen, but having to rely on their imaginations of the spanking rather than seeing it happen. Dan has alluded to this several times with his fantasy of others hearing (from the other room) but not seeing a spanking take place.
One related thing for myself is I like spanking (and other femdom related) captions much more than I like spanking videos. The caption creates a little scene in my mind which my overactive imagination can fill in. If I see a spanking video, it inevitably disappoints since it is not like I think it should be.
-ZM
ZM wrote: “...Having to rely on their imaginations of the spanking rather than seeing it happen. Dan has alluded to this several times with his fantasy of others hearing (from the other room) but not seeing a spanking take place.”
DeleteThis happened to me with my former G.F. twice -- with her best friend from college hearing both spankings but seeing neither. I had been told before the first one occurred that something like it “might” happen but otherwise both overheard spankings were or seemed to me to be pretty spontaneous.
The feelings I had were very similar to those you reported with your experience. Those happened a long while ago and since then my wife’s sister has witnessed several spanking, so I can compare my feelings between being heard and actually being seen. In some ways being just heard is more embarrassing because my imagination just ran wild imagining what her girlfriend is thinking or doing or feels about it all.
Interacting with her girlfriend later also made me feel more humble and even obedient toward her and she herself was not a very assertive person. With my sister in law, it’s all open and concrete. Imagination plays a much smaller role in it and the whole experience feels more real whereas someone only hearing the spanking seems more vague, ambiguous and even ethereal. Also my relationship with my sister in law is much better than it was while I always felt a little awkward around my girlfriend’s best friend
Alan
Sorry to comment on my own comment but reading it over, what I want to say is that there is definite closure in being spanked in front of a witness. But that sort of closure in my experience didn’t happen when the spankings were only overheard
DeleteAlan
ZM Wrote - "I like spanking (and other femdom related) captions much more than I like spanking videos. The caption creates a little scene in my mind which my overactive imagination can fill in. If I see a spanking video, it inevitably disappoints since it is not like I think it should be."
DeleteI agree there are only a few videos that I think are even halfway realistic. In most of them the one getting spanked is laying there without moving. I got a spanking this morning and let me tell you it hurt and I was begging for it to be over. She uses a Jokari paddle and it really stings. She played soft ball growing and she can still swing for the fences. The videos don't show the real thing and my imagination from one of Dan's images and captions are more of a thrill than some video that is why I like this blog besides eing able to share my thoughts and experiences
Hi Ward,
DeleteTend to agree with you about the videos and find most of them stiff, formulaic, and unrealistic. Any true spanko knows that dialogue including believable scolding is a vital part of the spanking experience, yet almost none of the spanking videos incorporate believable dialog. Jillian Keenan said once that spanking is a “talking” fetish (not a direct quote, so words to that effect) Voice and words are certainly important and the vast majority of spanking videos don’t seem to get that, preferring instead to just whack away.
Alan.
Alan, you beat me to it regarding how I react to spankings being witnessed versus overheard. And, I think you nailed it regarding the difference centering on imagination. With witnesses I would be able to observe their reactions, at least once it was over and possibly in the moment. With someone knowing that a spanking is going to happen but not witnessing it, it's my imagination that is going to run wild regardless of their actual reaction. I'm going to be wondering what they are thinking, whether they are judging, etc.
DeleteAlan and Dan, both of you took an interesting angle on the whole imagination thing. I have always thought about it from the witnesses perspective; if they don't see it happening, they have to use their imagination about how it actually goes down. So, I have thought that they might be imagining something much more extreme than the reality. But the point you guys make is also huge. If I don't see the witness, I don't see their reaction, so now it is MY imagination that runs wild. Perhaps they didn't even care and just went about their business, but I am imagining that they were laughing their asses off.
Delete-ZM
I don't want anyone witnessing my spanking or seeing me in the corner. But I wouldn't mind if others knew that my husband has disciplinary authority over me. I am pretty sure I would tell my best friends. I don't know if he would tell his friends. I also could see one of our friends reporting some misbehavior of mine to my husband, knowing that he would spank me. But the actual act should be private in my mind.
ReplyDeleteCynthia Ellen
"I also could see one of our friends reporting some misbehavior of mine to my husband, knowing that he would spank me." I've always thought this was a very interesting dynamic.
DeleteI too have thought this is a very interesting dynamic. Of course, for that to ever happen, they have to know everything about our DD, know that I am aware of their knowing, and feel comfortable enough talking to my wife about DD. This actually could happen, at least in theory, since there are a couple of people who fit that description.
Delete-ZM
"Of course, for that to ever happen, they have to know everything about our DD, know that I am aware of their knowing, and feel comfortable enough talking to my wife about DD." A very interesting variant would be if you were *not* aware of their knowing. You would know someone was ratting you out, but not necessarily who. Now, THAT would keep you on your toes!
DeleteHi Dan, my wife loved your scenario! She was laughing and told me that I would be looking at everyone I see that knows us, trying to see any hint that it was them. So I guess you are right, I wouldn't have to know that they know.
Delete-ZM
I'm glad she liked it!
DeleteCynthia
ReplyDeleteMy wife would never allow anyone to know because it would be to embarrassing but I kind of wish her best friend knew so she could tell my wife when I did something wrong and tell her that I deserve a spanking for it. I guess that is another fantacy that will never happen
The only person that knows about our DD is my wife’s friend who lives out of state. It his her childhood friend. I overheard a conversation that she was having and she said T would never do that, and her friend said why, and she stated, I’d beat his ass. She has been having problems with her husband for quite sometime. I don’t know him, but from the stories, he could use a could thrashing by his wife to whip him into shape. I like those above would not want our friends or family to know about our DD or lack thereof at times. To me this is private and should remain so between couples, because I’m a firm believer, that people would ridicule our beliefs. Although, I had wondered what it would be like for her friend to witness a thrashing given by my wife. I’m not close to her fiend, so I don’t think it would bother me if she witnessed or overheard it on the phone. DD is still a work in progress and I continue to remind her every once in a while to beat me for my attitude.
ReplyDeleteT
Yes, it is a shame this is still the situation: fear of ridicule. I suppose some people like the idea of F/M DD spanking remaining a little "off-piste", lest it lose its excitement. Others would like it to be so commonplace that there is no shame, even if there is no need to mention it in public. A bit like sexual intercourse: we know that a large proportion of the population is sexually active, but not all of us need others to witness it.
DeleteI agree that it is a shame that people (myself included) live with fear of ridicule, since ultimately what we do is our business and doesn't affect others in any way. You are right that some people prefer F/M DD spanking to remain kind of a naughty secret, lest it lose some of its allure. Dan is a good example of that.
Delete"Others would like it to be so commonplace that there is no shame..." - I think no matter how commonplace spanking would ever become, there would still be shame, since deserving punishment in any form always has a certain amount of inherent shame. Think school punishments, which were so commonplace that they were very much mentioned in public.
Interestingly, I don't want spanking to lose all its shame; while it would make it much easier to tell others about it, ironically it would also remove any reason to do so. The whole point of having witnesses is to make the experience more real and to amplify the sense of shame that comes from it.
"A bit like sexual intercourse: we know that a large proportion of the population is sexually active, but not all of us need others to witness it." - I think there are some distinctions to be found in this, though I am not sure exactly what they are. I agree that many if not most people are sexually active, and just because something is common doesn't necessarily mean that it should be public. I for one have absolutely NO interest in anyone ever witnessing me having sexual intercourse, for many reasons. More than anything, it invariably involves a lot of nudity, so there is little point about thinking of any other reasons because it is too hard to get past that one.
My feelings are much different for spanking, probably because it was not all that private of an activity when I was younger. Sure, spankings were often private, but they often were not as well. And unlike sex, spanking doesn't have to include nudity. Or for that matter, punishments don't even have to involve spanking. As I mentioned above, how would I feel to be made to stand in the corner when one or more of my wife's friends was present? By doing so, I certainly wouldn't be doing anything even remotely obscene if I were clothed. Nor is standing in the corner in any way intimate between you and your partner, since you are standing there alone anyway. Or what about them knowing you are being taken to the other room to be punished, certainly out of sight and possibly out of earshot? Or if they know you will be punished when you get home, with no chance of them seeing or hearing? And as I ask myself all these things, how does that differ from the times that I can see from the looks a couple gives each other that they are going to be having sex in a few minutes (which of course I will not see, but will know)?
There is so much gray area in these things, and the lines just seem to exist for all of us wherever we draw them, even if we don't fully understand why we draw them where we do.
-ZM
"A bit like sexual intercourse: we know that a large proportion of the population is sexually active, but not all of us need others to witness it." Well put.
Delete"Others would like it to be so commonplace that there is no shame..." - I think no matter how commonplace spanking would ever become, there would still be shame, since deserving punishment in any form always has a certain amount of inherent shame. Think school punishments, which were so commonplace that they were very much mentioned in public."
DeleteGreat observation!
T
ReplyDeleteI to have to constantly remind my wife to punish me for my attitude too. It's not ingrained in her to be strict . She let's me slide till I really piss her off by then I am out of sorts until she realizes that I need to be taken in hand and puts me over her knee sometimes she let's me have it and sometimes she stops because of my begging but if it's due to my begging I usually end up thinking that she should have ignored me. I wish she could bring to tears and sometimes she comes close but that's a rare occasion. I truly want to be broken. So that the threat of a spanking is enough to bring me into submission
Ward
I feel for you guys regarding the ridicule issue. I doubt it would be like that for a spanked wife. I guess there could be some concern about abuse/domestic violence, but certainly M/F DD is still more acceptable in our society.
ReplyDeleteI think you all are right on about the social need as the reason we might want our DD shared. That definitely is me. I am a very social person and I think that plays into wanting to share it. I just like the idea that everyone would know my husband is the boss!
Cynthia Ellen
"I feel for you guys regarding the ridicule issue. I doubt it would be like that for a spanked wife. I guess there could be some concern about abuse/domestic violence, but certainly M/F DD is still more acceptable in our society."
DeleteMaybe, though I'm not entirely sure. I think that female submission and male dominance is probably more accepted than the reverse roles where BDSM and pure kink are concerned. I'm not as sure about real disciplinary relationships. I think men probably would be subject to some behind-the-scenes ridicule for being submissive. But, I think that if a woman revealed she was disciplined, there might be a lot of concern about where the relationship might be abusive and there might be a lot of ridicule, or at least a lot of judgments about a male top in a real disciplinary relationship. I do think it's generally a good thing that people are sensitized to domestic abuse, but that sensitivity may really complicate consensual power exchange relationships, and I think that's particularly true of M/f dynamics.
Hi Cynthia Allen,
ReplyDeleteThe reality is that our culture (despite a bump in the road here and there) is headed toward a society in which individual choices and lifestyles are going to be more and more accepted. Sex and a mature perspective on sex is part of this trend. The DD world and DD relationships are not breaking any new ground in what adults do although more adults may be feeling more comfortable doing them or not concealing that they engage in them. Revanchists and other primitive vestiges of our culture will resist change in attitudes and behavior but they are on the wrong side of history. I personally believe that our social drives make sharing our DD relationships attractive to many people and if you feel that way it should be shared because the more common people realize it is, the faster it is recognized for the mainstream thinking it is becoming in our age of monogamy. But if you feel it is private, you have every right to keep it private too, It’s your choice.
Alan
She has told several friends "we use spanking for relieving tension" which sounds pretty vague. It isn't clear who is being spanked or why, but it has been sort of a test to see if there was any real interest. So far, there hasn't been any. Though I wouldn't like it if other guys knew I was spanked, it is a fantasy of mine that one of her girlriends or sisters knew. The idea of having an argument and then being told I just earned a spanking and to take my pants off and go stand in the corner would be truly embarrassing. That has actually never happened with us, but it seems exciting because of the sudden change from being a macho guy to a little boy in seconds. For me, the humbling and the pain of the spanking are equally important.
ReplyDeleteHello Norton,
Delete"For me, the humbling and the pain of the spanking are equally important." - This is pretty much exactly where I am at. And also, I would say that I struggle with both of these things about the same amount when it is actually happening. Only later (or basically any other time other than when it happens) the whole thing is somehow exciting and a felt need, but when it actually does happen, I don't like it at all and don't want it. Overall, it is an interesting conundrum because I want to feel subject to discipline without actually getting discipline, but at the same time, discipline has to happen at least sometimes for me to really feel like it is real and that I am actually subject to it.
-ZM
-ZM
I agree I want it to be real but when it happens for real the pain is becoming too much
DeleteShe does not force any kind of humbling on me except corner time. I don't understand why I want this so bad other than the thought is thrilling and I really do want her happiness to come before my own but being who I am at its core is a selfish man who need to be put in his place. If I were less self centered I may not feel the need but I don't see that ever happening without her forcing me to feel the pain in my butt that she feels by my actions and attitude
I actually see DD becoming more and more in the minority down the road. As I think about the comments above, spankings are not the norm in any stretch of the way anymore. I was discussing the “when we were kids” with colleagues at work the other day. We were a group of five and not one parent would even think of using spanking as a form of discipline. I laughed as one of the parents let their child throw temper tantrum’s in a store like it was the norm. That would of never happened when I was a kid. My fetish did come from being spanked while younger. I’ve addressed this in past posts. I continue to wonder what life would be like without the need for DD. Although some were never spanked as a child, and participate in DD, I’m sure it’s in the minority. Even when visiting spanking tube, and browsing DD or W spanking M, it’s usually the same posters. I wonder how many DD couples there truly are out there. I do agree with Cynthia that our culture is becoming more open about personal choices. However, sex is still
ReplyDeleteTaboo even in our close circle of friends. We make innuendo’s at parties, but it’s rarely mentioned. Us guys have locker room talk, but as a group together it still is rarely discussed. Food for thought.
T
Hello T,
DeleteI agree that most people growing up today will find the concept of being spanked for misbehavior an alien concept. So from this, it may well follow that DD becomes less and less commonplace.
On the other hand, people growing up today are WAY more familiar with BDSM and femdom, since it is so embedded in movies, music videos, video games, and modern culture. Any who dabble in BDSM (and especially female dominance) might easily decide that they are going to go ahead and use it to address misbehavior, so that could cause DD to become more commonplace.
Considering it seems to be pretty hardwired in so many of us, and that once we start thinking about it (being punished with real punishments for real infractions) we can't seem to get it out of our heads, maybe it will turn out that about the same number of people end up discovering DD, but they just get there through the BDSM path rather than the childhood spanking path?
-ZM
T, I think it's an interesting thought that adult DD might actually decline in the future as a result of childhood corporal punishment declining. But, I really don't know. When I've had topics about how many here were spanked as kids, the result has actually been pretty mixed, so I'm not confident that there is a strong correlation between being spanked as a kid and later wanting DD.
DeleteI also think some of us are hard-wired to want accountability, which might suggest that people who are wired that way and are not spanked as kids might feel even *more* need for it as adults.
As in a lot of other areas, I'm a moderate when it comes to corporal punishment for kids. It was undoubtedly over-used in the past, though I also don't think it is inherently and always abusive. I'm aware of the studies connecting spanking with all sorts of mal-adjustments as adults, but when you dig into the details, there are glaringly obvious problems with those studies. For example, how are they defining "spanking," i.e. does it include practices that anyone in their right mind would probably find truly abusive? If you're including beating a young child with a 2x4 as "spanking" then, yeah, that is likely going to skew the data to show long-term, negative effects. Also, how do they control for things like educational levels and geography? Is a kid who grows up in Mississippi and is spanked because it's a part of the culture unsuccessful later in life because he was spanked, or because Mississippi sets an embarrassingly low bar for childhood education and adult literacy and, hence, its population is less likely to have lower incomes and worse outcomes in other areas as adults.
And, how do they control for big-ticket cause and effect issues? Maybe an adult with behavioral problems began as a kid with behavioral problems and, hence, got spanked more because they behaved worse more often? Is it surprising that a kid who lacks self-control might lack self-control as an adult? Were some kids spanked more because their behavior was worse than average and, unsurprisingly, their behavior and life success are worse than average as an adult? Like I said, there are huge "cause and effect" problems lurking beneath many of the studies linking childhood spanking with lack of success as an adult.
Also, at the risk of stating what should be obvious, if spanking was so detrimental to the emotional and mental health of so many previous generations, then why now, as spanking has declined so precipitously, are teenage depression, anxiety, and suicide rates at all-time highs? Why are entire books being written about how male children, in particular, are really struggling now, at precisely the same time that spanking has declined, when boys probably were the disproportionate "beneficiaries" of that drop-off in spanking? If spanking was so disastrous for mental and emotional health, then why aren't we seeing a huge increase in mental and emotional well-being in teens and young adults now that we've had an entire generation that has largely gone unspanked?
Anyway, that is a HUGE kettle of fish I'm opening.
Hi Dan,
DeleteThat is a huge kettle of fish indeed! All these issues, teen depression, anxiety, suicides, and countless other societal issues are very complex. They are not easily traced to a single factor because they are in fact a combination of many, many factors.
Like you, I am somewhat in the middle on spanking children. Obviously it is easy to overdo it and there are plenty of cases of it escalating into abuse. At the same time, I think that childhood spankings were also effective in some cases, and at least maintained a certain sense of order.
While I am not sure what to think about spanking children, but for me it is largely irrelevant anyway since I think about everyone on this blog (including me) believes that it is an entirely different thing than adult disciplinary spanking, and personally it is even more irrelevant since my kids are all grown up.
What I am pretty sure of is that all of the social problems you mentioned are in NO WAY helped by the lack of boundaries that seems to be a defining characteristic in modern parenting, and in society in general. I don't know whether spanking is the answer or not (though I suspect it sometimes is and much of the time isn't) but I do know that kids need clear enforced boundaries. I didn't really have these as a child, and I have spent a lifetime trying to get over it. So whether it requires a paddle in hand or just softly spoken words, somehow kids need to know that there are boundaries, and they need to be strongly compelled to stay within those boundaries.
-ZM
The large weight of research on spanking children concludes that it is harmful .There are undoubtedly exceptions to this, but I wouldn’t risk it with my own children. Consensual adult spanking is an entirely different animal and we have discussed earlier why that is the case. Incidentally I don’t expect interest in adult spanking to decline with future generations – although interest in it may be triggered later in life (as was the case with Dan). The spanking fetish is hard wired but it takes dome environmental factor to activate it. If spanking becomes rarer and rarer in the home it makes sense people will encounter it later in life. But I doubt if very many folks who have the genetic hard wiring get through life without realizing spanking interests them
DeleteAlan
"What I am pretty sure of is that all of the social problems you mentioned are in NO WAY helped by the lack of boundaries that seems to be a defining characteristic in modern parenting, and in society in general. I don't know whether spanking is the answer or not (though I suspect it sometimes is and much of the time isn't) but I do know that kids need clear enforced boundaries. I didn't really have these as a child, and I have spent a lifetime trying to get over it."
DeleteI totally agree. I too had way too few boundaries as a kid, and I think I've paid for that with an over-developed sense of responsibility and accompanying anxiety.
"The large weight of research on spanking children concludes that it is harmful .There are undoubtedly exceptions to this, but I wouldn’t risk it with my own children." I agree with you on the research though, again, I think there is a huge "garbage in, garbage out" problem with many of them. Further, if they are going to be used as a basis for setting social policy, at some point there does need to be an explanation as to why as spanking has declined anxiety and depression problems among teens and young adults have skyrockted, given that that anxiety and depression are two of the conditions those studies link to spanking.
DeleteIn terms of my own kids, one of mine was extremely difficult and was spanked on a very small number of occasions. The second was generally an easier kid and was never spanked. For me, that raises two points.
First, I don't know whether I did the first any favors by spanking only a few times and then not doing it anymore. She remained an intense, high-stress kid and has those tendencies as an adult. I've always believed that if she were to learn about DD and be attracted to it, it almost certainly would be as the one on the receiving end,
Second, there was a 1:1 correlation between our kids level of behavioral problems and the number times they got spanked. Which perfectly illustrates the problem I see with the quality of many of the studies in this area. I haven't seen any that try to account for whether adult maladjustments were caused by spanking or by the fact that maladjusted kids may have (a) been spanked more; and (b) become maladjusted adults because they were maladjusted kids and not because they were spanked.
Dan,
DeleteI certainly agree that most of the research on the effects of spanking children is flawed in various ways, not the least of which is the strong anti-spankings bias that most researcher have. Cause and effect regarding anxiety, depression and other behavioral problems is almost impossible to tease out in the absence of carefully controlled experimental research on spanking -- which we do not have and are unlikely to get. Moreover I think the lack of boundaries is a very real problem for the last several generation.
I do think it is possible for a parent to use spanking in a non-abusive non angry way that emphasizes caring and love for the child. It seems to me that the chances of emotional harm are minimized with discipline of that sort.
But we also know that spanking can trigger erotic feelings even in a very young child. As a spanko I would be quite comfortable with my children discovering spanking when they are adults or at least old enough to understand it. But I don’t want them to discover it as the result of a childhood spanking
As to the boundary issue, there are many ways to discipline children other than spanking them. The problem is that many contemporary parents have not only stopped spanking but they have stopped imposing boundaries of any kind. Too many kids are entering adulthood without the tools they need to function in the real world. No wonder anxiety and depression is so common
Alan
"The problem is that many contemporary parents have not only stopped spanking but they have stopped imposing boundaries of any kind." I totally agree. There was a woman at work who would bring her kid in every once in a while. He was a total, unmitigated terror. She told me that she and her husband had adopted the parenting philosophy that they would never use the word "no" with their child. Literally. She got very angry when I told her the problem with her strategy is that I am 100% sure that the world will tell an adult who was raised that way "no" loudly and often, and they will have no fucking idea how to deal with it.
DeleteThe issue I see with the concern about discovering erotic feelings about spanking early in life as a result of an actual spanking is it doesn't seem to fit the personal experience of most of the people here. Many if not most of the men here report having erotic feelings about spanking at a very early age, but not many report that happening as a result of any actual spanking. You've referenced Jillian Keenan a few times. She is adamant that she had erotic feelings about spanking as early as four or five years of age and that it wasn't because she was spanked. However, people end up wired for a spanking fetish, I haven't seen much evidence--anecdotal or otherwise--that it's highly correlated with childhood spankings.
Dan,
DeleteIn my case, the erotic feelings came at a young age, but I didn't start to understand them until I was approaching puberty. I still hated being spanked by my mother but began fantasizing about other females spanking me. These included a friend's mom, a couple of teachers, and especially my older sister's friends. The imaginary spankings were carried out like my mom's, and the excitement confused me at the time, but it was undeniable.
Kevin, this an area where I do seem to be an anomaly. I did get spanked as a kid, but not that often. I was hyper-aware of spankings, however, because they were so prevalent in our community (very Bible belt). Yet, I am pretty confident I had no spanking interest or desire at all until well into my 30s. Now, I did have a thing for older women, including as you mention, teachers, friend's mom's and, later on, professors and female authority figures at work. But, it was never connected to spanking and, at the time, I connected it more to age than authority. I know think that I probably did have a thing for authority all along, but I didn't really have a context for that at the time, so I just attributed it to liking older women.
DeleteThat's interesting Dan, as I was also attracted to older women. I did date some who were a couple of years older than me and was turned down by two who thought I was too young for them. I doubt if I was thinking of them as disciplinarians, but maybe there was a connection there.
DeleteEven though Beth is four years younger than me and very petite, she has taken on the role of disciplinarian very capably. She also had almost no personal experience with spanking growing up, but learned the proper use of a hairbrush very quickly. She tells me that she likes the feeling of authority and enjoys setting me straight when I need it.
I've lurked on this site for quite a long time and now appreciate the interaction. It just feels good to be able to connect with people on a subject I can't discuss openly. Thank you for hosting it.
“The issue I see with the concern about discovering erotic feelings about spanking early in life as a result of an actual spanking is it doesn't seem to fit the personal experience of most of the people here.”
DeleteThere are a few that would probably differ on that observation, although as discussed there is surely no “smoking gun” that links being spanked to directly triggering the fetish. But anecdotally (which is the best evidence we have) erotic feeling about sparking are regularly linked to seeing a spanking, hearing one, being told about one or receiving one. Experiencing in some way the exercise of female authority (discussed below) seems associated with the triggering event or events for males as well.
The problem here is really one of perception and memory. Our memories even as adults are not very reliable and perceptions of an event are notoriously suspect able to later experience. As in literature, when we tell our stories, even to ourselves we are often “unreliable narrators“Let me use a personal example. I was spanked as a child and I am a spanko. But I think it was triggered seeing a friend spanked and later witnessing school paddling.
That’s the story I tell myself, but who knows what triggered it. Maybe it was actually my mom spanking me and I have transferred the memory and the feelings to avoid an emotional conflict. The common denominator is 1. Discovering spanking in one way or another – and 2 the genetic wiring that sets it off
Traditionally future spankos apparently usually discover spanking very early, sometimes even before they are sexually aware. I don’t think it would be a bad thing if that discovery happened a little later, when they were better able to handle the conflicts that sometimes arise for spanking eroticism.
Almost certainly many young people have gone through considerable angst dealing with feelings they couldn’t understand and feelings that ultimately they would realize were as natural as sex itself when the gained the maturity to do that. Think about how you handled spanking and DD as an adult and how well you managed that compared to how a child might handle it
Alan
Kevin, I'm very sure I wasn't thinking about the older women I was attracted to as potential disciplinarians. That dynamic definitely wasn't on my radar at that point. But, I do think it's very possible that subconsciously I was looking for structure with a maternal vibe, because the women I was attracted to were both substantially older than me (often around my mother's age at that time), and also often authority figures. In high school it was a couple of teachers. Later, at work, it was female senior executives.
DeleteI'm glad you're enjoying going from lurker to participant. It's great to add more voices to the conversation.
Alan, I do suspect that interest/obsession about spanking is triggered as often (maybe more so, but hearing a spanking or knowing it is happening) versus actually receiving one. But, I wonder whether that is itself an indication that T. is right and that interest in spanking will inevitably decline over time. When you and I were growing up, we probably had plenty of exposure to others getting spanked, and that may have triggered our own interest. If that cultural background is in perpetual decline, then fewer and fewer people are going to experience overhearing someone else getting spanked at school, home, wherever. I don't think its prevalence on-line offsets that because (a) you do still have to be looking for it to find it on the internet (usually) and (b) if interest in it declines then we likely will see fewer websites, blogs, discussion groups, etc. devoted to the topic, hence, creating a self-reinforcing decline.
DeleteI know my wife has at least hinted to one or two friends about our DD practice but I don’t know how specific this has been. I could certainly be on board with someone else being present although it would probably have to be someone who was also at least interested in DD and understood it. I do have a slightly different point of view on the effect it would have though. When I am spanked, I start off trying to take what I’m given without flinching or squirming. Of course it doesn’t last, my tolerance may vary on different occasions but guaranteed she will increase the pressure as much as necessary to push me over the edge. I have a feeling that having someone else there would make me even more determined to be stoic. I can’t quite get this thought straight but I think it has something to do with making her proud of me for taking what I deserve without complaint in front of her friend, thus improving her status in her friend’s eyes. As I said, I don’t quite have this thought straight. Somehow the extension of this thought - or fantasy - is that the friend is then invited to take a turn with the paddle or cane. TG
ReplyDeleteHello TG,
DeleteI agree about someone only being present if they are at least interested in DD and understand it. In fact, determining their interest and open-mindedness is a big part of the process of telling someone, and only after they were told and seem to really understand would there ever be any possibility of them witnessing anything.
I have no idea what would happen with regards to how I take a spanking if we had a witness present. This is probably the biggest thing I worry about with having a witness, since obviously I want to maintain at least some dignity! Normally, I am not all that stoic, though I try to be.
I have no doubt that if she had a friend there, I would be trying much harder to just "take it like a man," since the amount of embarrassment I would feel would be pretty directly related to just how poorly I was taking it. At the same time, I think if she had a friend there, she might get into the moment and really punish me hard as she revels in demonstrating her power. I have no idea which of these things would win out. I guess it might depend on who the friend was.
If we ever get to this point, which could happen soon, much later, or never, I actually expect that depending on who the friend was, my wife would invite the friend to have a go at spanking me, but of course the real question would then be if the friend would take her up on it or not. In any case, if that did happen, I would expect it to be quite emotionally impactful, even though I am pretty sure the actual spanking would be pretty light, considering how unsure most women are when they first try to spank.
-ZM
"I have a feeling that having someone else there would make me even more determined to be stoic." I suspect I would do the same, though more to avoid the additional embarrassment of making noise, squirming, etc.
DeleteThough, being stoic might be counterproductive. I believe at one point Alan said that his wife seems to spank harder and longer with witnesses. I suspect a disciplinary wife might "show off" a bit for a witness, and that could result in a harsher spanking and might get even more harsh if the husband was being stoic and not verbally demonstrating the harshness of the spanking.
I think most women expect some stoicism at the beginning but as a spanking goes on they expect to see evidence it is having some effect. If it is a DD spanking they have to decide how much, how hard and when to end it. I know my wife is looking for some kind of acceptance and surrender to it and I don’t even pretend after the first few swats that it isn’t hurting The sooner she sees I am feeling it the faster it will be done
DeleteAlan
R.E. "considering how unsure most women are when they first try to spank", it seems that the minority of women that do spank usually got more confident as they got older. Also, it takes awhile to get the courage to ask them to do it, and many guys never do. As us guys get older, we become less macho and more tuned into what our women want, as well as what we need. On to another topic Dan mentioned, which was about how we go into spanking. I was spanked at a fundamentalist Christian school, which became a lifelong sexual obsession, as well as making me an atheist by 3rd grade. I don't condone spanking children, and if you need to result to hitting your kid to get their attention, something is wrong. Spanking should always be consensual, regardless of the reason.
ReplyDeleteJoe2 here,
ReplyDeleteIt has been several years since I have commented. I moved to a job that greatly reduced my stress level, so spanking is not necessary, though I do miss it.
Concerning corner time. Years ago on your blog, one of the disciplinary wives suggested that I have corner time. I dismissed it, because I do not like humiliation and after a spanking I am a hot mess. I am swimming in endorphins- all I want is cuddling. But I did have a problem with preparing for a spanking. I used spanking as stress control, so before a spanking my mind bounced like a super ball. We tried corner time before a spanking. My wife would tell me to prepare (lay out the instruments, get dressed for bed, etc…) and when done stand in a corner and wait for her. There was a clock in the room that I was spanked, so I could tell how long I was in corner time. Corner time was very variable- 2-45 minutes. I found that the sweet spot was 5-15 minutes. Any shorter and I would not have my brain in the right place. Any longer and my mind wandered, which was counter-productive.
I remember about the fourth or fifth time I did corner time. My stress level was off the charts. All I wanted to do was throw a hand grenade in one direction and run the other direction. Within seconds of being in corner time, I felt the stress fall away. By the time my wife arrived I was compliant and completely submissive. Completely Pavlovian, but I do not argue with success.
Hi Joe2. Congratulations on the less stressful job.
Delete"All I wanted to do was throw a hand grenade in one direction and run the other direction." I like that!
Hi Joe2, welcome back! I am glad you have found a job with less stress. That is always a life goal for me, but I think I actually love the stress (and hate it at the same time)! I agree about the ideal length for corner time when it is used. And so interesting that after some repetition, just getting in the corner immediately calmed you down.
ReplyDelete-ZM
"I think I actually love the stress (and hate it at the same time)!" I totally get this. While this "pause" I've been taking (it may or may not be a permanent retirement) helped my mental state to some extent, I do find I miss the frenetic activity level of my profession even though it was inherently stressful.
DeleteI hate the stress but sometimes I fully indulge in work and responsibilities that increase my level of stress. I tend to act out and she gets the brunt of it. Last night I hurt her feelings and she teared up so I just headed for the corner after about 30 mins she told me to come out. I immediately knelt down in front of her apologized and begged for forgiveness. She accepted my apology but this I was told I would be getting a spanking for my selfish attitude. It's our wedding anniversary and I think she wants me to know that she is in charge
ReplyDeleteThe spanking had me begging after the third swat she did not go very long and I was both relieved and disappointed when it was over. Relived because she stopped. Disappointed because she stopped before any lasting effects. I did however believe that she is becoming more and more comfortable in her disciplinary role because I was sent to the corner fo 30 mins to reflect on my behavior and to realize the consequences of hurting her feelings or disobeying her.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Norton above and not so much the others. I like Norton,
ReplyDeletegrew up in a fundamental Christian environment. Spankings were the norm not the exception. I chose not to spank my kids, due to my life long obsession now with the topic. DD took way to long to discuss with my wife due to the embarrassment of my obsession which started very young. I remember once as a ten year old getting in trouble at home, just to get spanked. This obsession, no doubt resulted from the paddling’s at school and the bare bottom spankings at home. We were paddled in school up till the age of 15; and I was given a strapping by our gym coach. I agree with the fact that contemporary parents have no clue how to parent. I watched a terror of a child at a party; the parent stuffed his face full of snacks to keep him quite. Everyone at the party stated, glad he’s not mine. There were no consequences for his actions. I’ve stated before, I wonder what life would be like without the obsession. Norton is correct, spankings should be completely consensual and definitely not for children. I have thought a few times that kid deserves a good and then I re-think my situation. I believe subconsciously or not, it’s developed at an early age either by getting one, observing one, reading, or listening to one given.
T
T and Norton, see my comment to Alan above. It may be the case that a spanking obsession results from school or home spankings for some people, but after years of people here discussing their DD "origins," whatever correlation there is between prevalence of spanking as a kid and later interest/obsession with DD and adult spanking, seems to be pretty slight.
DeleteSome were spanked a lot and became obsessed. Others rarely. Others not at all.
Then, there are all those like me who got spanked, were around it constantly, yet either never developed any attraction, let alone obsession, or developed it only much later. It does make sense to me that the interest must be triggered "by getting one, observing one, reading, or listening to one given," but the mechanism appears to be very complicated and very hit or miss.
My obsession was not from getting spanked. I am sure I did because my brothers got it from time to time. Like T I grew up in a fundamental Christian family. I did get paddled at school once
Deleteand maybe That has something to do with it but I think it was hearing others get spanked or hearing about it. My cousins moved to our town from Texas and their family lived with us for a few weeks I heard my Aunt spank my cousins more than once. We got in trouble together once and a couple of us were threatened with a spanking but it did not happen until my Aunt had my cousin in a more private setting but I could hear it and it excited me. I think I have been obsessed ever since
I see the discussion about the origin of erotic feelings towards spanking - particularly in children - interesting though largely pointless. This blog has from the beginning been exclusively about adult DD, and has never been about children being spanked, and as far as I know has never advocated for it. I do wholeheartedly agree with what Alan wrote a little earlier, and I expect that maybe most all of us would agree with his statement: "As a spanko I would be quite comfortable with my children discovering spanking when they are adults or at least old enough to understand it. But I don’t want them to discover it as the result of a childhood spanking." I am pretty sure that most parents wouldn't want their children to discover an erotic interest in being spanked through receiving a childhood spanking.
DeleteHaving said all that, I do think that the spanking interest is pretty hardwired, and for those who are wired this way, all it takes is the slightest reference to spanking for it to capture one's interest and imagination and for the fascination to take hold. So unless we are able to remove all cultural references to it, whether spoken, in movies, or through the internet, I think it is a bit naive to think that children will somehow be sheltered from it, whether their parents, friends' parents, or school abstain from the use of corporal punishment or not.
For me, I am not sure if it would have made any difference anyway, since while I think I do have a bit of a spanking fetish (as evidenced by me liking spanking pictures and occasionally videos), but really my fascination is much more about authority, the exercising that authority primarily through the use of punishment (whether physical or not), power exchange, and all the feelings that come from all that. Actual spanking I could largely take or leave, except spanking happens to be one of the clearest demonstrations of the authority that exists in a relationship. Sort of "I can cause you physical pain, embarrassment, and shame whenever I want, and there is nothing you can do about it because you are powerless."
-ZM
I agree about it being hard wired. I didn’t grow up in a corporal punishment environment but was certainly fantasizing about spanking in my teens. For me, DD came much later. I also feel very uncomfortable with spanking as a method of raising kids. If I think back, I think the furthest I ever went was maybe a quick, bare-hand slap on the back of their hand - more to get their attention than to inflict actual pain - and that only rarely in extreme circumstances. As others have said, spanking - whether erotic play, Ds or DD must be consensual and kids can not consent - neither in most cases would they if they could. This needs to be purely an adult activity. TG
DeleteI know that this site does not advocate. The spanking of children. I do know it can easily be abused. However, I would never call what our parents did abuse. I am concerned about the sexual aspect of it around children I certainly do not think bare bottom spanking of teens or preteens is appropriate. Especially if it is the opposite sex. I will not say anything else out of respect for those who think it was and is abusive.
ReplyDelete