Monday, August 8, 2022

The Club - Meeting 406 - Non-Adult Spankings and Their Impact Today

If you don't get enough time-outs as a child, you get them as a grownup. ~Andrew Bonifacio

 

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you all had a great week.  It's been generally a good, relaxing stretch here as the summer winds down.  Lots of time spent traveling and tinkering with motorcycles and other projects.  There is nothing at all wrong with that. I even managed to go several days without a computer or tablet.



You all  certainly were productive while I was gone!  During a week when my only post was “Out This Week,” I came back to around 45 comments.  I’m glad you kept the discussion going.

 

As is often the case, the discussion meandered into some interesting areas.  Corner time, others knowing and witnesses (funny how we always seem to loop back to those), shame and fear of others reactions if they knew and, finally, the connection between childhood and adult spankings.

 

I wanted to follow up a little on that last one, because there seemed not to be much consensus on the extent to which being spanked as kids influenced our interest in domestic discipline as adults.  

 

Way back in 2015, when Blogger still had a polling feature, I ran a poll that tried to tease out the extent to which there was a correlation between being spanked as an adult and later interest in DD.   

 

I also tried to find out whether it was connected more closely to one of the parents.   

The poll basically asked how often the respondents were spanked as kids and by whom.  The results were as follows::

 

 

Spanked frequently 14%

Spanked but only infrequently 53%

Never spanked 24%

 

Spanked by mother/not by father 20%

Spaned by father/not by mother 10%

Spanked by both 27%

 

Looking back, it was as poorly constructed as most of my polls back then.  Some rather obvious options I didn’t explore regarding “spanked by whom” include teachers, principals, and non-parent relatives.

 

So, that’s the topic for this week. Let’s flesh it out a little bit more.

 

·      Were you spanked as a kid?

·      If yes, how often and by whom?  Parents?  If so, which one(s)? Non-parent relatives? Teachers? Principals? Others?

·      How old were you when you got your last spanking as a kid?

·      How old were you when you first developed an interest in spanking?

·      How old were you when did you first become interested in adult spanking?  Was your interest in erotic spankings? Disciplinary? Both?

·      Do you think your interest in spanking, whenever it developed, is connected to your spankings as a non-adult, or lack thereof?  Why or why not?

 

When I covered this poll topic in 2015, our previous contributor and co-founder of the Disciplinary Wives Club, Tomy, pointed me to some surveys on the DWC website that covered some of these issues. Something that jumped out at me at the time was that there were several questions that explored the relationship between the respondents’ mothers’ disciplinary practices and later interest in, or openness to, adult discipline.  There were, however, no corresponding questions regarding any possible linkage between father’s disciplinary practices and their adult children’s attitudes toward spanking and discipline.  I wonder why that was?  Maybe some implicit Freudianism at play?

 


 I’ll go ahead and answer my own topic questions:

 

·      Was I spanked as a kid?  Yes, but not often.

·      By whom?  I know I was spanked by both parents but my memories are pretty fuzzy. I think when I was young, my mother was the primary disciplinarian, yet most of my memories (the few there are) involve paternal spankings.  It is certainly possible and, frankly, given the time and place downright likely, that I was spanked by non-parental relatives, including grandparents, uncles and aunts.  But, I have no clear memory of it happening. I do recall one incident of a grandmother getting very mad and threatening a spanking, but I don’t recall it actually happening.

·      I also don’t recall how old I was at the time of my last spanking, though I do remember that one quite well.  I think I was probably around twelve years-old.

·      When did I become interested in spanking? I don’t remember having any interest in it at all, other than wanting to avoid it, until I was in my late 30s.  For a short period of time, my interest was in erotic spankings, though those had a disciplinary fantasy overlay.  I think the only reason I was interested in erotic spanking at that point was it was all I had been exposed to. I don’t think I even knew “real” adult spankings were a thing, until I came across the Disciplinary Wives Club. From that point forward, my only spanking interest was disciplinary spanking.

 

Do I connect my adult interest with being spanked as a non-adult?  I don’t, though I don’t pretend to have a definitive answer.  If anything, I think the connection would involve *not* being spanked often enough and that lack of external discipline being one aspect of having very little in the way of imposed boundaries by the time I was a teenager.

 


In my early childhood, we were living in a part of the country where spanking was always in the background.  Every kid was spanked, or at least every boy.  It was just part of the culture.  I have some memories, but very dim, of being spanked by both my mother and father during that period.

 

We moved when I was in grade school, and I experienced a block of years in which a father figure wasn’t around or I had little relationship with one. I don’t know, but I suspect, that the absence of a father figure may be why I’ve always had a morbid attraction to M/m discipline themes. A few years ago, a commenter on this blog wrote the following:

 

One Saturday when I was 15, my older brother, who was 16, got caught smoking grass. My dad told my brother that he would be punished severely until he had some sense knocked into him. He made my brother wait almost a week.  After dinner on the following Friday, my dad took my brother downstairs to my dad’s basement workroom. Through the vents we could hear the swats of my dad's thick black belt landing on what we all knew was my brother’s bare bottom. Only when my brother was sobbing and begging to be forgiven and swearing he would never touch grass again did my dad stop. . . . I don’t know why but I was so aroused by it all.

 

The commenter was not the only one aroused.  Stories like that have always touched a nerve with me.  It may be no accident that I've always found "woodshed" stories so arousing, and in those stories it is often a father or uncle doing the spanking.

 

 

I think part of the emotional reaction I have to stories involving spankings by a father or uncle is bound up with my need for discipline to be "real."  While I believe real DD relationships must be grounded in consent, the reality is I've always wanted the discipline to be imposed on me whether I consent or not.  Deep down inside, I know that I am capable of physically resisting a spanking by most women, though I don’t don’t there are exceptions. 

 


I also tend to get turned on my spanking art or captions that involve being subject to parental rules, having curfews, consequences for not following the rules, etc.

 

I suspect that as an adult, material that focuses on rules and consequences stirs something in me precisely because I didn’t experience much of those during my teenage years, and part of me wishes I had.

 


For a long time, I've maintained that I had no interest at all in DD until my late 30s, and that is true.  I have started to wonder, however, whether the attraction to female authority came earlier. I've been self-aware for a long time about the fact that I tended to be attracted to older women, and that attraction goes back at least to high school.  While I knew I liked more mature women, however, I don't think at that time I had the right contextual orientation to think of that not so much as an age thing, but possibly more about authority.  I knew I was attracted to powerful women, but I was always younger than them and I connected the attraction to age, not authority or hierarchy.  Now, I wonder if there were some stirrings of an FLR-type way back then but I wasn't equipped to recognize them as that.

 

So, tell us about your non-adult disciplinary experiences and your observations and theories about what impact (no pun intended) they have on you today.  In the meantime, I’ll leave you with this rather ironic bit of spanking art involving fathers and sons.


 

98 comments:

  1. · Were you spanked as a kid? Yes

    · If yes, how often and by whom? Parents? If so, which one(s)? Non-parent relatives? Teachers? Principals? Others? As a young child I was occasionally spanked by both father and mother. Father being big was terrifying (remember being chased down for a spanking). Mother once spanked with a wooden spoon but usually hand spanking. I was memoriably strapped in front of the class at age 12 (despite being a good kid and I can't remember why). At secondary school I was ocassionally caned, and again I found this terrifying but also compelling.

    · How old were you when you got your last spanking as a kid? 12 from parents, 16 when last caned at school.

    · How old were you when you first developed an interest in spanking? 13?

    · How old were you when did you first become interested in adult spanking? Was your interest in erotic spankings? Disciplinary? Both? Best I can remember was late 20s, and definitely erotic. I bought my wife a cane early in my marriage and was delighted when she was prepared to cane me.

    · Do you think your interest in spanking, whenever it developed, is connected to your spankings as a non-adult, or lack thereof? Why or why not? I definitely think that it is connected... as a young child I got enough spankings to know that they hurt, at secondary school I was terrified but fascinated both by my own canings and those of others. I recall listening intently when others were caned, and I vividly recall feeling/touching/enjoying the welts on my bottom after a caning.

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    1. Thanks, Mark. FYI, your comment got hung up in the spam filter.

      "[A]t secondary school I was terrified but fascinated both by my own canings and those of others. I recall listening intently when others were caned, and I vividly recall feeling/touching/enjoying the welts on my bottom after a caning."

      I do wonder whether whatever correlation there is between adult spanking and childhood spankings is at least as much about hearing or observing them as personally experiencing them. I also wonder, what's that about? If there is a correlation, it's not clear why. We do seem to have a fascination with others getting spanked or disciplined, but I'm not sure why that is.

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    2. Hi Dan (and Mark),
      "I do wonder whether whatever correlation there is between adult spanking and childhood spankings is at least as much about hearing or observing them as personally experiencing them." I think that hearing, observing, or even hearing about others being spanked can be a pretty strong trigger. I am no psychologist - or even anything remotely close - but I think that the reason for this might be exactly what Mark said: "I was terrified but fascinated both by my own canings and those of others." I know that at least for me, I knew how painful spankings were from the few that I got, and then I heard horror stories of people paddled at school, plus of course all the humiliation that came with that, and I was both morbidly fascinated with the whole thing, and yet also terrified that it could happen to me sometime. Probably as a defense mechanism, my brain began to sexualize the whole thing. Even as I type this, I realize that I really have no idea what I am talking about, but it somehow feels about right.

      -ZM

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  2. · Were you spanked as a kid? Yes

    · If yes, how often and by whom? Parents? If so, which one(s)? Non-parent relatives? Teachers? Principals? Others? As a young child I was occasionally spanked by both father and mother. Father being big was terrifying (remember being chased down for a spanking). Mother once spanked with a wooden spoon but usually hand spanking. I was memoriably strapped in front of the class at age 12 (despite being a good kid and I can't remember why). At secondary school I was ocassionally caned, and again I found this terrifying but also compelling.

    · How old were you when you got your last spanking as a kid? 12 from parents, 16 when last caned at school.

    · How old were you when you first developed an interest in spanking? 13?

    · How old were you when did you first become interested in adult spanking? Was your interest in erotic spankings? Disciplinary? Both? Best I can remember was late 20s, and definitely erotic. I bought my wife a cane early in my marriage and was delighted when she was prepared to cane me.

    · Do you think your interest in spanking, whenever it developed, is connected to your spankings as a non-adult, or lack thereof? Why or why not? I definitely think that it is connected... as a young child I got enough spankings to know that they hurt, at secondary school I was terrified but fascinated both by my own canings and those of others. I recall listening intently when others were caned, and I vividly recall feeling/touching/enjoying the welts on my bottom after a caning.

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  3. I was spanked by my Mom who was a firm believer in doing “penance”, and was not slow to pick up her clothes brush when provoked. But like Dan spanking was also pretty common among my friends and in school. I saw/overheard one particular spanking of a girl I remember being “cute”. I also was in class with kids several times when they were taken into the “cloakroom” and paddled. I still remember one particular blond who seemed to earn herself a trip to the cloakroom every day. I myself was never spanked in school but remember fantasizing about it at a very early age. I trace my spanko feelings to seeing or overhearing other kids being spanked and probably to the school spanking environment which is about the time spanking started to be an obsession
    I don’t think any of these experiences triggered my spanko genes by themselves. And of course none of these experiences, alone or collectively< would have produced a spanko without the hard wiring.
    Alan
    Ps –this will probably go to Googles spam oven unless I mention Google’s antitrust issues, so I will

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    1. Yep, yours evaded the spam filter this time. Though, it actually hasn't been focusing on you that much recently. It still has a thing for ZM.

      See my response to Mark, above, regarding our reactions to seeing or hearing others spanked. I agree it seems to be a big trigger, though I can't say I understand why.

      "I still remember one particular blond who seemed to earn herself a trip to the cloakroom every day." I remember one of my sisters being spanked at home, but I don't remember many female friends or classmates getting spanked. I'm sure it happened, but the memories I have definitely involve more males than females.

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    2. Hi Dan,

      Google does seem to have a thing for my messages. I am guessing it is because I connect from two different countries, depending on which ISP I use (my ISP at one place routes through one country and the ISP at another routes through the country I live in, even though the two places are about 1km apart and both right in the center of the same country).

      I also don't remember many female friends or classmates getting spanked, and I grew up in a family (both close and extended) of mostly boys, so nothing there either. I expect that I would probably have noticed and remembered when girls were spanked had spanking been in any way sexual to me, but most spankings I remember happening (to me or others) were before I had my epiphany on spanking (and femdom), which I think was when I was about 14.

      -ZM

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    3. What baffles me is Googles repeated incompetence at the simple IT task of distinguishing a live person from a bot. Yet their employees (at least) claim the sophistication to design sentient AI.

      Either they aren’t even trying to identify real spam or are exaggerating wildly their abilities to do so, It’s a little bit like the choice we had about George Bush telling us Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. Either he lied or he was incompetent. Not much choice.
      Alan

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    4. I absolutely agree, Alan. In fact, the job is made even easier by a moderated blog such as this one, because Dan is there monitoring things. AI could pretty easily determine which things he goes through and deletes or for those things flagged as spam, which things he ultimately lets through and which ones he doesn't. So as a first level, go by usernames submitting things. I have never had anything that Dan deleted, or for those things that got caught in the spam filter, there has never been anything that he didn't allow through. So if Google sees something by me, pretty safe to let it through. If there is a user or IP address that posts things that get deleted or not allowed through spam after review, keep blocking those even more....

      It isn't better simply because they don't want it to be better, though I am not sure of exactly why that is.

      -ZM

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    5. I had assumed that the source of the problem might be people using something that changes their IP address from session to session, like Tor or a VPN. But, it sounds like that's not the case. Also, this isn't really about not implementing something better, because it was really a non-issue for most of the life the blog. Every once in a while a comment would go to spam, but it often WAS spam. Legit comments getting flagged was actually pretty rare. Then, earlier this year that must have changed something in the algorithm, because it suddenly started diverting comments way more often.

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    6. I assume in my case it is because of my IP addresses, but not because I am changing them, rather because they come from countries that probably rightfully should have their IP addresses on a few blacklists. But of course that doesn't explain Alan.

      Plus, if it is someone posting from a google account, it should never flag it as spam unless posts from that same google account routinely get flagged as spam. What makes it even more curious is I ONLY use that google account to post here, and a few times before on KD's blog when he had it. They should be able to see that you never flag my posts as spam, and then treat them accordingly.

      Of course, I must also accept the possibility that AI has gotten really good, and that somehow they recognize the lack of true value in far too many of my posts. :-)

      -ZM

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    7. Or, maybe one of their AI engineers was spanked too often as a kid. Or not enough. One of those!

      Delete
  4. My parents separated when I was seven years old and even before then, my mother was the disciplinarian at our house. I don't think they disagreed about the need to occasionally spank kids, but he was happy to leave that matter to her. That was his approach to a lot of things.

    I had friends who claimed that they were never spanked, but I was never sure if they were being truthful. Among those who did get it, I'd say my experience was pretty typical. There were quite a few spankings when I was in primary grades nut they became a rarity as I approached middle school. My sister and I both started getting it with the hairbrush when we were around ten and it proved to be a powerful incentive to behave.

    Even at a very young age, I remember being interested in other kids' spankings. About the age that I stopped getting them myself, I began thinking about what it would be like getting spanked by someone (female) other than my mom. I was ashamed by these thoughts and didn't want to let on that I was such a weirdo. Still, I listened intently if spankings were ever discussed.

    The same discomfort kept me from sharing my interest with girls that I dated. That changed when I became seriously involved with Beth. We did some playful spanking of each other as foreplay, but it wasn't until my mother told Beth about her approach to discipline that the light bulb went on. I explained to Beth how different the hairbrush would feel than her hand and that I would consider submitting to that kind of punishment if it would be good for our relationship. Although petite in size, Beth is a strong woman in every sense of the word. She was frustrated by some specific aspects of our relationship and was more than willing to consider my mother's approach. Her main concern was knowing that I have a fetish might mean that spanking isn't really a deterrent. That's a fair point and we resolved it by agreeing that spanking as discipline would be serious business with absolutely no sex involved. Also, that Beth would be spanking me hard! For a little while we tried to continue what would be considered " good boy" spankings, but discontinued them. It was just too confusing for both of us.

    Sorry that this post rambled, but the roots of my interest run very deep and I am keenly aware of that.

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    1. Hi Kevin,
      Your allusion to Beth hearing from your mother about her discipline philosophy triggered a memory for me. A former girlfriend who was my first DD relationship was always very interested in my childhood experiences. She wanted to meet my mother and discuss the spanking history with her. At least once (probably more) my girlfriend said she wanted to spank me in front of my Mom sometime.
      I was not really enthusiastic about any of this ( although reading a story KD Pierre wrote about conversations with his own mother have made me wonder if I should have tried to make it happen)In any case my Mom was out of the country at the time and so a meeting never occurred. I haven’t thought about it for years but now I do wonder how it would have turned out. I know my girlfriend modeled some of her disciplinary style after things I told her. I think she almost wanted my Mom’s approval for spanking me I am still not sorry it never happened but KD’s story did make me wonder about it all
      Alan

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    2. Kevin, I don't think you're rambling at all. It's the kind of thoughtful, substantive response to a topic that I like to see.

      "Even at a very young age, I remember being interested in other kids' spankings. About the age that I stopped getting them myself, I began thinking about what it would be like getting spanked by someone (female) other than my mom." I remember being interested in others' spankings, but where I seem to be a bit of an anomaly in this crowd is that once spankings tapered off for most of us by high school, my interest doesn't seem to have continued in any form.

      When your mom told Beth about her disciplinary approach, do you think that was in some way a subtle (or not so subtle) suggestion to Beth that she spank you, or was it more casual than that?

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    3. Alan, while I've never had any real desire for my mom to know about my adult spankings, in her old age she seems to have a fairly "live and let live" attitude. She's also a big supporter of my wife. So, I don't think that if she did know the reaction would be negative. I do, however, like that story from KD and admire his openness about it with his mother.

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    4. That's a good question, Dan. It must have been quite an interesting conversation a d I'm not really sorry that I missed it. When I saw the two of them together a little later, they greeted me with big smiles. I remember thinking that this can't be good and then Beth proceeded to let me know that she got the whole scoop on what used to happened when I was naughty. They both had a good chuckle at my expense, but there wasn't any suggestion that a spanking would still do me some good. That idea came up when Beth and I were alone. I don't really believe that mom's intention was to plant that seed, but I don't really know. At the very least, she probably liked having some fun at my expense.

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    5. Kevin,
      Your mom was probably not consciously trying to plant any seeds, but when a pro spanking mom spends some quality time with her son’s wife who is experimenting with spanking and discipline, they are surely going to bond on that issue ---and a wife is certainly going to carry away some messages from the conversation. That is partly why I was never too enthusiastic for my former G.F to have a conversation with my Mom. The whole discipline thing was going a little too fast for me (at that time) and I was pretty sure a meeting of my GF and my Mon would not slow it down
      Alan

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  5. Beth became a very willing audience for my mom's stories and was clearly amused by the thought of her man being taken over mom's kne. I wasn't there to hear it when the topic first came up, but it was obvious that mom had spared very few details. I certainly would have been red faced if I had been present.

    After the two of them had talked, Beth pumped me for more details that night and after we got home. It really was the impetus needed to draw out my feelings on the subject.

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    1. Kevin, at the time of that conversation, was Beth already giving you disciplinary spankings?

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    2. Not yet, but we had each given the other a few playful ones. Beth is coming up on her 30th birthday in a few months and that might be cause for another one of those. Beth has never received a disciplinary spanking from me, nor did she ever get a real one when she was growing up. I guess I'd say that she's a spanking virgin. 😀

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    3. My wife is pretty adamant that she has no interest in being on the receiving end. In fact, just a couple of days ago she did something similar to something she's spanked me for, and I suggested maybe she should get spanked for it. Nope. Wasn't going there.

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    4. My wife is definitely not interested in being on the receiving end either, which works pretty well since the idea of spanking her for real just does nothing for me at all. I do like to give her a playful whack now and then, but if it is too hard at all, or if I ever jokingly say anything about being spanked, she is adamant that there is only one person in our relationship who gets spanked and it is not her,

      -ZM

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    5. Dan, you stated "My wife is pretty adamant that she has no interest in being on the receiving end. In fact, just a couple of days ago she did something similar to something she's spanked me for, and I suggested maybe she should get spanked for it. Nope. Wasn't going there".

      A week ago, my wife made a decision involving giving money to someone on her side of the family. I was opposed to this even though she has control of our money and to be honest i would have spent every penny on stupid stuff if it were up to me, we only have money because she controls it. Nevertheless, i was mad and threatened to spank her. Huge mistake, she made it very clear that spanking her was never going to happen but i ended up over her knee getting the hardest paddling i have ever gotten from her.an attitude adjustment for sure. I don't think I will be challenging her authority ever again. That being said she can be very inconsistent yesterday I was in a foul mood and took it out on her. She just tried to be the sweet supportive wife and let it slide. I knew I was wrong and needed to be corrected. I was not about to ask her to spank me but sure needed one. The attitude continued today, and she has told me I will be spanked but I don't know if she will follow thru. There is this resentment that builds up in me when I am in a bad mood and don't want to be but can't control my attitude

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    6. I think it is not quite rite that women with a dominant nature and willing to spank a man have no real interest in experiencing it. I certainly believe that my wife could benefit from letting go her stress but apparently it would not work for her the way it does me. I don't think she feels the need to be punished. She has more self control than I do

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    7. We do ask a lot of our wives when it comes to consistency. We kind of expect them to read our minds and figure out when we need support and commiseration on the one hand, and when we need stern correction on the other.

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  6. My Mother was the main disciplinarian in the home. A no nonsense approach was taken while growing up. My fascination definitely started around 10 and only became stronger when at age 13, I received my last bare bottom spanking for stealing. I was beaten with an Amish paddle that was purchased on a trip to Lancaster Pa years earlier.The paddle said heat for the seat. I lost count at 100 and wailed like I was 6. I was paddled and strapped at school too many times to count. I was also spanked by my best friends Mother and Father once or twice growing up. I witnessed my best friends sister getting spanked in her underwear when we were younger and I observed a good strapping of my neighbor across the street when I was about 15. I remember my Mother clearly saying, that women should close her windows when beating that child. She got in trouble at school and I observed a few spankings , as she left the window’s open. I developed an interest in my teens and my gf at the time would spank me mildly as foreplay. I dated a girl who beat me with a belt and hair brush, but not for punishment. I began seeing Madam Maya, who sadly passed away, in my mid twenties for disciplinary spankings. She was the best and took her time to scold and spank thoroughly. She was the closest to getting a disciplinary spanking by a non wife or gf that one could get. She loved the fact I was young and interested in being punished for my transgressions. I felt a bond w her. It was sad to learn of her passing. There is no doubt that my infatuation came from being spanked as a child. There is no doubt about growing up around it, seeing it and visualizing others receiving it, has continues to drive this infatuation to this day. Like I stated, in my past text, I would be surprised to read about people currently in DD that grew up around no one getting spanked. I think our brains are hard wired due to growing up around it. Although, my sibling was spanked just as much as me; and has no desire to ever be spanked even during foreplay. As I was in my teen years, I would pleasure myself to my beatings growing up and the sound of my neighbors or the ones my classmates received as school. I continued to wish I would be paddled at school but they stopped it around age 14.
    T

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    1. "Although, my sibling was spanked just as much as me; and has no desire to ever be spanked even during foreplay." It is interesting how siblings raised in very similar environments can turn out with very different interests and aversions. Some traits do seem to be hard-wired from birth. I think we raised our kids very similarly, and they both went the same schools from kindergarten through college. Yet, they couldn't be more different and always have been.

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    2. Yeah Dan, I wondered why this could be as well. My sibling was much more stubborn and bull headed than I was. I was more apt to go along with things to avoid the inevitable. My sibling always wanted to fight the tide so to speak. My sibling was probably on the receiving end a bit more often because they always pushed my Mothers buttons. I don’t feel that the spankings I received were abuse when we were younger. Although when younger, I did not want one, I look at how I am a functioning member of society who has accomplished some great things. My family is proud of me. The youth today are soft, weak, and have zero work ethic. I do feel consequences for your actions played a significant role in my development in life. I felt loved after a good thrashing by my Mother. She would explain why and for what reason you were being spanked and what she expected in the future. I now need my wife to be just as strong in her delivery as my Mother was when I was young. I actually want more non consensual spankings that I have zero choice over. Of course they are consensual, but I don’t want any options to get out of one. I’m currently working on that with my wife and hopefully as we move more into disciplinary spankings, this will occur much more often.
      T

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    3. "The youth today are soft, weak, and have zero work ethic." In my opinion, the Millennials were the low point. The latest generation seems to have improved on some of those fronts.

      "I now need my wife to be just as strong in her delivery as my Mother was when I was young. I actually want more non consensual spankings that I have zero choice over. Of course they are consensual, but I don’t want any options to get out of one." I agree, though I also recognize that I am the problem on this one. I was recently due a major spanking, but I argued and delayed. Yes, it would be nice if she acted with that maternal kind of authority that wouldn't back down, but that is a work in progress and my own resistance is one of the real problems in that process.

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  7. · Were you spanked as a kid?
    Yes, reasonably often and was going on earlier than I can remember, I was told. The hand when I was younger and the paddle when the hand was no longer enough to deliver hard enough spankings to teach me the required lesson.

    · If yes, how often and by whom? Parents? If so, which one(s)? Non-parent relatives? Teachers? Principals? Others?
    My mother primarily, not my father (posthumous birth). It was problematic for other unrelated adults to use corporal punishment by the time I arrived, so other adults would report bad behaviour to my mother, who would then spank me. Very occasionally, other relatives would do it, say if I was staying with them. My mother was (and still is) strong and so can deliver very hard spankings! It tended to be my brothers who got spanked and less so my sisters (who received other punishments).

    · How old were you when you got your last spanking as a kid?
    I think it was sometime in my early teens. I understand my mother wanted me to understand that in the adult world, there are other consequences if you mess up, such as job losses, relationship losses, finances being in a bad shape etc. She used other punishments.

    · How old were you when you first developed an interest in spanking?
    Soon after I stopped receiving spankings from my mother: I suppose her no longer doing so left a sort of "vacuum". I occasionally spanked myself because it felt so weird to not be receiving spankings any more, though I didn't want to admit this to anyone! I remember seeing the film "McClintock!" shortly after then. I also remember hearing about the practice of hazing. I was among the popular boys at school and I remember someone suggested having some kind of hazing for initiation in order to be able to hang out with us and join our clique and I made the suggestion of a whacking with a paddle, which was enthusiastically received. Trouble was, it only happened to me once!

    · How old were you when did you first become interested in adult spanking? Was your interest in erotic spankings? Disciplinary? Both?
    My mother stopped spanking me shortly before I hit adolescence and I started thinking about erotic things a lot. In time, as adolescence wore on, I started thinking about erotic spankings, which ended up being intertwined with disciplinary spankings, so both. I was very good at looking up things on the internet without being caught, so I did so and found all sorts of things, including adult erotic spankings, adult judicial corporal punishment and so on, which fuelled my desire even further.

    · Do you think your interest in spanking, whenever it developed, is connected to your spankings as a non-adult, or lack thereof? Why or why not?
    It seems reasonably likely that they are connected. I couldn't stop thinking about erotic and disciplinary spankings after I started. I started dating my now-wife seriously and after a while, I realised I couldn't spend the whole of my marriage keeping this under wraps, so when things were fairly advanced, I decided, I had to tell her. I figured that maybe she would call things off because she found it too weird, in which case maybe it was for the best. Another possibility was she would not agree and I would just have to live with this (as well as her living with this underlying desire of mine). I gently worked on her and eventually, she agreed to do this when we got married.

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    1. Thanks, Anonymous. Would you (along with the many other Anonymous and Unknown posters we're getting these days) please provide a name with your comments? It helps keep track of who responses are being addressed to.

      It's great that things worked out with bringing it up to your future wife.

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    2. Thanks, noted.

      J

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  8. Now my answers to the questions
    “Were you spanked as a kid?” - Yes, at least some. I really only remember a couple of times.
     
    “If yes, how often and by whom?  Parents?  If so, which one(s)? Non-parent relatives? Teachers? Principals? Others?” - The times I remember were all my dad spanking me, but I know my mom spanked me too, probably more than my dad. I don’t remember much from early life honestly, because exactly like Kevin, my father left when I was 7 and I had little contact with him until I was an adult with children. I repressed all the memories of my early childhood, so it is almost all blank until after my dad left. I have wondered if perhaps spanking was somehow a link to my dad, since these couple of incidents are some of the very few things I remember before I was 7? As far as I know, I wasn’t spanked by other relatives, or at least not that I remember. And certainly I was never spanked by a teacher or principal, though I sincerely wish that would have happened, since maybe that would have helped reduce my morbid fascination with school spankings.

    “How old were you when you got your last spanking as a kid?” - I really have no idea. Maybe 10 or 11 or something. I know that as a teenager I largely raised myself because my mom was always at work, so there were no boundaries in sight, and certainly no punishments.

    “How old were you when you first developed an interest in spanking?” - I think I always had a fascination around it, though I am not sure. I do remember trying to find out all the details about school paddlings, and I am sure my heart rate was elevated and my breathing was shallow as I asked.

    “How old were you when did you first become interested in adult spanking?  Was your interest in erotic spankings? Disciplinary? Both?” - This was easy. I was reading a “Penthouse Variations” or “Penthouse Letters” and I read a story about a guy being spanked at a party, and another story about a girl taking charge of her boyfriend. From that moment on, there probably has never been a day in my life that I didn’t think about spanking or dominance in some way, with the possible exceptions of times I have been extremely sick or something. My original interest was kind of a mix of both erotic and disciplinary, but I would say closer to erotic. This is probably because I could read about it only in magazines. Many years later, the internet came along. I remember when I discovered the Disciplinary Wives Club, I realized “THIS is what I want.” So at that point it became more disciplinary. In more recent years, now that I finally get true disciplinary spankings, I have realized that it is not even disciplinary spankings that I want as much as to have a disciplinary relationship where I am subject to my wife’s authority. Spankings can be and are an integral part of that, but they are kind of the “best supporting actor.”

    “Do you think your interest in spanking, whenever it developed, is connected to your spankings as a non-adult, or lack thereof?  Why or why not?” - I am not sure. As I indicated in an earlier comment, I think that perhaps part of it was that I was afraid of being spanked like at school, so maybe somehow I eroticized spanking as a pyschological defense mechanism. If my interest in adult spanking is connected to non-adult spankings, I am pretty sure that it was not due to spankings I got, but rather spankings I saw, heard, or heard about that others got.

    -ZM

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    1. As is often the case with you, you're 3:1 in comments making it through the spam filter!

      It's an odd coincidence, but I too lost my father at right around the age of 7. I too don't have a lot of memories from that time or before, including exactly how I old I was, but it was 6 or 7.

      I don't think I discovered Penthouse Variations until after college. I'm sure once I did discover it, I read letters about spanking. But, the fact that I don't remember them probably says a lot about whether it led to any permanent interest in spanking.

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  9. Hi Dan,
    And finally a few other comments from things you wrote in your original post.

    “I think part of the emotional reaction I have to stories involving spankings by a father or uncle is bound up with my need for discipline to be ‘real.’ While I believe real DD relationships must be grounded in consent, the reality is I've always wanted the discipline to be imposed on me whether I consent or not.” - I too share the need for discipline to be real. And the consent issue is always one of the stickiest points, because while I believe that in real life DD relationships must be consensual, I somehow need it to at least feel very imposed and non-consensual. Thankfully, my brain has little problem stretching consensual non-consent to fit the need and ignoring any logical contradictions or inconsistencies that may exist. In everything else in life, I am looking for ways to shoot things down and find holes in everything, but consensual non-consent always gets a pass because I really NEED the punishments to be non-consensual.

    “I also tend to get turned on my spanking art or captions that involve being subject to parental rules, having curfews, consequences for not following the rules, etc.” - Me too, very much. As I said above, I think that really I am much more into the authority, rules, and the inevitability of consequences when rules are broken than I am into spanking itself.
     
    “I suspect that as an adult, material that focuses on rules and consequences stirs something in me precisely because I didn’t experience much of those during my teenage years, and part of me wishes I had.” - Exactly this!

    “I knew I was attracted to powerful women, but I was always younger than them and I connected the attraction to age, not authority or hierarchy.”  - I was always attracted to powerful women, but for me it was always in spite of their age. What I really wanted was someone who was younger than me and still more powerful, which is kind of a difficult combination to find. However, I did manage to do this with my wife. She is 10 years younger than me, but she has very strong character, amazing self discipline, and also she has emotional strength that I can only dream of having.

    -ZM

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    1. "What I really wanted was someone who was younger than me and still more powerful, which is kind of a difficult combination to find." It is hard to find, but they are out there. At my old job, there was a woman who was several years my junior, yet she had some very Domme-ish qualities, and they came out in spades the few times I saw her socially with her husband. One woman I got close to through this blog also is several years younger than me but also seems to come to her "top" role very naturally.

      I probably should add that as I have gotten older myself, my interest in older women has waned or at least narrowed.

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  10. ·      Were you spanked as a kid? No, not as far as I remember
    ·      How old were you when you first developed an interest in spanking? Probably late teens. No idea where it came from, I just started fantasizing about it. I don’t believe I had seen anything that fired up the interest, it just came from inside. I have no idea how I even conceived of it.
    ·      How old were you when did you first become interested in adult spanking?  Was your interest in erotic spankings? Disciplinary? Both? Erotic. Interest in disciplinary came much later
    ·      Do you think your interest in spanking, whenever it developed, is connected to your spankings as a non-adult, or lack thereof?  Why or why not? No, no connection at all.
    Couple of other points : that discussion about consensual, I think the answer is that it is consensual from a big picture point of view but not at the specific. I have consented (happily) to this life style and if she decides I deserve a punishment for something, I’ll get over her knee (or wherever she wants me) even if I don’t agree - I won’t argue it. So consensual in the overall life style sense, but possibly non-consensual in the moment. Secondly, the fascination with seeing someone else spanked: my theory is that this is exciting when you know that you’re next. Seeing someone else react to a hard spanking and knowing that you’re going to be doing the same thing next somehow heightens the experience even more. Just a theory, I haven’t experienced this particular sequence of events. TG

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    1. Hi TG,
      "Seeing someone else react to a hard spanking and knowing that you’re going to be doing the same thing next somehow heightens the experience even more." - I agree. Though I also have never experienced anything like that, I know that it would be quite intense. That theme often shows up in spanking captions, particularly in school type settings.

      -ZM

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  11. I was never spanked as a child. (I hate the term "non-adult") From as far back as I can remember, I was turned on thinking about being spanked. It was so far back that I didn't realize I was turned on until many years later. It was a tingling feeling and erection. So, my interest has no experiential origin.

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    1. I'm not wild about non-adult, though I also don't like "child" as applied to teenagers. I didn't think of myself as a child in high school, and I specifically don't like it in the present discussion when applied to those closer to 18 than 8.

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  12. Well I think I was spanked twice as a child , both over my father's knee bare bottom with his hand.
    The last was last one was when I was about ten. I do not think my spanking desire came from that .From puberty on all my sexual desires centered around spanking and discipline. I remember my home room teacher took out a ruler and threatened to spank me the last day of 7th grade I got up the courage to go back after the school day to ask for that spanking fortunately(or unfortunately) she was with other teachers. That summer I was beginning to masturbate and envisioned her spanking me. Interesting enough searching my father's room I found 2 paperback books on Fem Dom so maybe it's genetic lol.
    My first adult spankings were from professional spankers. It took me until my 50s to get the courage to ask my wife about discipling me, she has and unfortunately for me she has gotten good at it.

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  13. Were you spanked as a kid? Yes

    · If yes, how often and by whom? Parents? If so, which one(s)? Non-parent relatives? Teachers? Principals? Others?
    Both Parents but as I got older just Dad
    · How old were you when you got your last spanking as a kid?
    13 in the principal's office
    · How old were you when you first developed an interest in spanking?
    As long as I can remember. I had a fascination seeing the neighbor girl get a spanking in her backyard.
    · How old were you when did you first become interested in adult spanking? Was your interest in erotic spankings? Disciplinary? Both?
    While I was in college primary Disciplinary because I knew some of the things I did or thought about doing needed to stop
    · Do you think your interest in spanking, whenever it developed, is connected to your spankings as a non-adult, or lack thereof? Why or why not?
    Yes, the spankings I heard saw or felt as a child I believe were needed

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  14. I think I actually resent not getting spanked more growing up because like I said I need discipline to guide me. I still resent it when my wife lets me get away with things that I have told her about that I do not like

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    1. I wouldn't say I resent it, but it's counterproductive. But, see my comment to T. above -- I recognize that the inconsistency is, to some extent, my own fault.

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  15. So Dan, this goes back to my original point from a week or two ago, outside of caged lion, all of the comments above, they believe their need for punishment came from spankings as a child. Although the thread is still young, I’d be hard pressed to believe that someone could grow up around no one being spanked and still be interested in DD. I think they would be very few and far between. I go back to Madame Maya, the first and only disciplinarian I ever saw and she was blown away, that she was able to spank a young 25 year old Male at the time. She told me most of her clients were above 50 at the time. She later on told me it was refreshing to thrash a young man and show him the errant of his ways. By the way, it took some serious courage on my part, at that age, to seek out a disciplinarian. It will be interesting twenty years from now, if DD is still a relevant topic anymore, given the youth of today.
    T

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    1. It's more mixed than that. TG also said he doesn't think his interest is connected to childhood spankings received, and ZM said he isn't sure. I also said that I don't see much of a connection, given that I got my last spanking at 12 or so and didn't show any interest in adult spanking until was almost 40.

      Also, the original poll I cited above was pretty equivocal. 24% of the respondents weren't spanked at all, and an additional 53% said they were spanked but only infrequently. So, over three-fourths of the respondents either weren't spanked at all or it was infrequent.

      Regarding Madame Maya's observations about the age of her customers, that one doesn't surprise me at all. From the beginning of this blog, it's been pretty clear that the people interested in DD seem to be tend toward middle-age and up. I don't know why, but I don't have any reason to think it reflects that there once were a lot more young people interested in DD but they have "aged out." Rather, I think it takes some age and wisdom for people to hit a certain level of self-awareness and security that they can admit to themselves they have this interest and then ask a spouse to fulfill it.

      Also, my own view has always been that while many are interested in spanking, the number interested in DD is very small and likely not growing much if at all.

      I'm not saying you're wrong that interest in DD may fade even further as fewer kids personally experience, see, or overhear spankings. It's an entirely logical prediction. But, I just don't have a basis for concluding that with certainty. On the one hand, undoubtedly fewer kids are personally exposed to it. On the other, the Fifty Shades of Grey series was the top-seller of its decade, and the first movie grossed $569m at the box office, which I don't think counts streaming and DVD sales.

      So, kids may not be *personally* experiencing spanking as much, I'm not sure that means they are being exposed to it that much less when you take things like books and movies into account. And, given the success of Fifty Shades, it seems to me they are being exposed way more to BDSM and power exchange scenarios than in the past. That seems to me to leave a very big open question around DD's future, because I think some people who say they are into DD are really spankos with a thin veneer of real discipline thrown in, while at the other end of the spectrum are people who are really into the power exchange aspects of DD and FLR and, for them, spanking is more of a means to an end. And lots of other permutations in between.

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    2. Dan,
      You make some excellent points above and I want to avoid redundancy here. But I think it’s very important to emphasize that we really don’t know the cause of spanking fetishes although many report some childhood experience linked to spanking, while many others don’t. . So childhood spanking experiences are not the only thing that triggers interest in spanking although for most people in contemporary culture, it may be the most common.
      What most spankos seem to agree on is that the spanking impulse is somehow hard wired in them. Put just a bit more scientifically there seems to be a genetic predisposition to spanking among some people and both genders: a genetic predisposition that requires some kind of environmental stimulus to activate it. (The interaction of the environment and genes is apparently responsible for a wide range of abilities, talents, and other personality traits found in human beings)
      If this is so, there is no reason to think that there will be a decline in interest in spanking in future generations as a consequence of the trend away from spanking children .Distribution of the “spanking gene” is likely to maintain its share of the overall population. What well may change is the age people experience the “trigger” which awakens interest in spanking – i.e., for most people exposure to spanking as an idea, a spanking experience or even a picture. A friend we are no longer in contact with told me that just seeing pictures of the heroine in “Kiss me Kate” being spanked ( fully clothed) turned him on sexually as he entered puberty but before that he didn’t even know spanking was a “thing”
      While I am breaking Yogi Berra’s first commandment I might as well go ahead and predict that interest in F/M is likely to increase in coming generations, not decrease. Presently cultural influences suppress what apparently a great many males secretly fantasize about and that is submitting to strong women exercising authority. As the culture continues to move in that direction many more males are likely to feel freer to express their real desires and possibly at a younger age than men do today.
      Alan

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    3. Fetishes and fetish-like behaviors really do seem to evade easy cause-and-effect explanations. Frankly, spanking seems simple to attribute compared to shoes, feet, etc.

      I agree with you that societal repression is easing, but I'm not as optimistic as you about what that means for F/m or DD relationships in the future. Liberalization doesn't seem to necessarily lead to more of the previously suppressed behavior. I read yet another article just a few days ago about yet another study showing that teenage sex (and adult sex for that matter) continue to drop in frequency, and kids are starting sex later. That is, of course, happening at exactly the same time that sexual mores and prohibitions have been relaxing. It may be that a certain amount of suppression actually encourages people to actually try something, while lack of suppression makes the whole thing less enticing.

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    4. Actually, from what people said so far this month, these feelings, if connected to childhood spanking at all, seem to form mostly from seeing, hearing, or hearing about other kids being spanked, or in cases where parental spanking happens, the feelings seem to develop mostly after parental spanking has stopped. So, if you don't want your kids to develop sexual feelings about spanking - at least those that are hardwired for this fascination, since other kids probably be affected won't either way - make sure that either they grow up in an environment where they never hear about anybody being spanked (either in real life or through media of any form), or if you do resort to spanking them, make sure that you never stop. Just kidding, I think! :-)

      Maybe we want that which we don't get, even if possibly our desire is driven by our underlying fears of the spanking itself? I have no idea what causes all this, but would really like to know. BTW, while I sometimes wish I didn't have this need, since it has been difficult at times either not getting what I need or having it negatively impact relationships, I am also not convinced that I would want to not have these desires either, since they are very much an integral part of who I am.

      -ZM

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    5. "[W]hile I sometimes wish I didn't have this need, since it has been difficult at times either not getting what I need or having it negatively impact relationships, I am also not convinced that I would want to not have these desires either, since they are very much an integral part of who I am."

      I agree. I guess my #1 wish would be to have more self-control so that I didn't need imposed guardrails in certain areas. But, if I am going to be prone to such excesses, it's good that there is something to keep them in check. I also don't mind the desire itself. I think strong desires are part of what makes life worth living.

      I can't say I agree with any goal of making sure kids never connect spanking and sexuality. I don't think it's particularly realistic, given that all indications seem to be that it just happens. Again, the example of the author Jillian Keenan who Alan likes and her observations that she's been hardwired for spanking being her primary expression of sexuality for as long as she can remember. People develop all sorts of fetishes for things other than spankings (shoes??), and however those arise it seems to be an incredibly complicated and fairly arbitrary process.

      Also, kids develop sexual or erotic urges and feeling way earlier than most parents are comfortable admitting, and I think it's highly unlikely that parents are going to be able to impede, channel or direct those processes and, if they try, they're likely to fuck it up and inadvertently create a more unhealthy situation. Instead, it may be healthier for parents to accept that kids have fairly complex sexual psyches way earlier than we are comfortable admitting and just live with that. I am very sure that I had some sexual interest by at least the age of 8 and probably earlier, and I don't think anything my parents did or didn't do had anything to do with that.

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    6. Hi Dan,
      "I can't say I agree with any goal of making sure kids never connect spanking and sexuality. I don't think it's particularly realistic, given that all indications seem to be that it just happens." - Fully agree! I also think that goal is unrealistic. My only goal was for my children to grow up in a safe - though far, far from sheltered - environment where they could develop into who they want to be and in which they could feel comfortable talking about anything and everything that they wished to talk about.

      The reason I was even writing about this is because I too see that goal as being unreasonable to achieve. One thing that I have been relieved to see is people have stayed on topic this week and merely recounted their own experiences without going too far into extremely counterproductive value judgements about whether children should be spanked or not. Sometimes it is nice to talk in absolute terms about what was or wasn't, instead of what should or shouldn't be.

      BTW, my "fully agree" applies equally to everything you wrote.

      -ZM

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    7. Value judgments certainly get in the way of any honest exploration of alternative lifestyles, let alone truly controversial topics like non-adult (sorry Lion) corporal punishment. And, it is amazing how far you can go with honest exchanges about actual personal experiences, yet it is hard to keep people from venturing far afield. I had it happen in a totally different, vanilla context this week on another social media platform. I had a question about a very concrete issue that people frequently raised in relation to a particular decision. I asked the group whether anyone had actually ever experienced the problem they were flagging, i.e. did it ever actually happen in real life. I didn't get a single response indicating the supposed "problem" had ever happened, yet had someone flaming me as being dumb for not seeing it as a problem. Maddening.

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  16. My childhood was very traumatic, as my mom was mentally ill and very narcissistic. My dad was passive, hid in the garage, and didn't protect us kids from her. There was no spanking by my parents, but there was a lot of emotional abuse. My interest in spanking began in first grade at a fundamentalist Christian school, where I was spanked often by a female teacher. I remember it was intense, because she actually noticed me and paid attention to me, unlike my parents. Much like ZM, I had few boundaries growing up. My interest in spanking was dormant for decades, until the internet and discovering the Disciplinary Wives Club, which really turned me on. I wanted to be with a truly dominant woman and give her consent to take me in hand whenever she wanted. My last wife started out seeming to offer that, but turned out to not really be into it, and was eventually turned off by my submissive desires. I was up front about needing to be spanked, and she agreed to have me go to a pro once a week. That was exciting at first, but ultimately not what I really wanted. Now I finally have what I have craved for so long. It is one fantasy that actually lives up to it's promise.The 50 Shades phenominan got adult, consensual, spanking in the spotlight, but like the movie "Secretary", both males were weird and all the spanking was strictly M/F. Wouldn't it be great if there was a best selling book or a movie where there was matter of fact, loving, maternal style, F/M spanking?

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    1. Norton, you put your finger on what I don't like about 50 Shades of Grey. The character with the kink is, as you say, weird. Worse, his kinkiness is attributed to being abused as a kid, and the whole plot revolves around his less kinky significant other trying to make him less extreme in his kink and more vanilla. While I give it credit for allowing a bunch of suburban housewives and college kids to more openly explore some kink, ultimately it has a pretty negative message about people become kinky and about power exchange relationships.

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  17. Dan, glad to hear your sentiment about 50 Shades. I read the book, and it didn't make me want to watch the movie. It did show that the general public has some interest in adult spanking, but it has never been honestly portrayed as a normal, healthy, lifestyle. Most of my life I have had no limits on beer, and have lived on the edge of disaster. The certainty of getting a disciplinary spanking has mostly cured me of those bad behaviors. While the movie "Secretary" does have some believeable M/F spanking scenes, the character James Spader plays is so deadly serious and overly dramatic, it looks like these folks are not really having much fun. To me, being in a consenulal DD relationship is a healthy, balanced, and ultimately, enjoyable way to go through life. And if you are in a relationship with a woman strong enough to discipline you, then not only would you would never think of cheating on her. You are absolutely going to be intimate with her in a way most couples could only dream of. Not to mention displaying appreciation by going down on her after a good spanking. Not a bad deal for all concerned, but you wouldn't learn about it from books or movies. Dan, ever consider publishing a book from your blog?

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    1. Secretary had its moments, but I agree it's disappointing in the end. I'm usually a huge James Spader fan, but his character in that movie comes off as creepy.

      I have thought about a book in various forms. It's one of those things that's always on the back-burner, largely because I think a really successful M/f book on Amazon might earn enough for a good dinner for two. If that. I suspect it would be quite a bit of work for little monetary reward, though at times I think that would be fine.

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  18. Lots of great posts the last couple of weeks! I missed out on last week's conversations due to other commitments - but will add a comment this week.

    As I've share here before, I believe my interest in spanking (and really F/M disciplinary spanking from the very start) was triggered when my Aunt (my Mom's younger and more attractive sister) soundly spanked me otk with a hairbrush in my underwear at the age of ten. I was spending some time with my Aunt (who paddled her two boys regularly - I had overheard several of them) - and sassed her one too many times. After that very sound paddling, the immediate result was that I never even considered sassing her again. However, a couple of years later, when puberty hit, that vivid memory became sexualized - and triggered a lifelong interest in F/M DD. I did get one sound spanking from a kinky woman I was dating when I was 19 which further solidified my interest (she was actually more of a bottom and I spanked her several times, but she did like to switch now and then). But, other than that fond memory, it was another 20+ years before my wife spanked me that first time to begin our DWC lifestyle.

    In contrast, my own parents did not spank often. I recall my Mom spanking me occasionally when I was a small child but not frequently or consistently or even very effectively (in retrospect, especially when compared to what my Aunt did to my behind).
    I don't recall my Dad spanking me at all. I don't think that I was spanked by either of my parents after I was six or seven - making the spanking from my Aunt when I was ten all the more traumatic and memorable.

    Interestingly - in relation to other's experience here - my father also passed before his time - when I was eight years old.

    --al

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    1. All I can say about the fact your father passed at 8 is WOW, we do seem to have stumbled on one factor that has at least some anecdotal correlation with an interest in F/m spanking,

      Based on your comment about getting a spanking that stuck in your mind, them puberty hit and it got sexualized, I wonder if that is a biological explanation for how this works for some people that isn't dependent on something like a spanking gene. There is something we experience or observe that stays on our minds, and it's prominently present in our psyches when all those hormones start surging, Those hormones sort of hardwire into us the parts of the brain circuitry that were already focused on certain activities or interests. I'm being a little facetious here, but I have an attraction to motorcycles that's almost on a par to my attraction to DD, and I got my first one at 11, just before the hormones started really flowing.

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    2. "WOW, we do seem to have stumbled on one factor that has at least some anecdotal correlation with an interest in F/m spanking," - I was going to write about the same thing. This would be a rather huge coincidence that so many of us had fathers die or leave all at around the same age. Perhaps this changed our view of our moms as we saw them step into bigger roles, and consequently our view of women in general?

      I think you had a great insight about maybe spanking was something that was on our mind quite a bit as we discovered sexuality, so spanking became imprinted in that. I have no idea how any of this works. I can say that things that are important to you during your teenage years are often important for life, and things like lifelong music tastes are greatly influenced by that time.

      -ZM

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    3. Even with this possible correlation, the cause and effect chain gets really complicated. You could be right that losing a father changes your view of the mom's role. Or, I've also read that boys who lose their fathers at that age display symptoms often associated with adult children of alcoholics, such as having an overwhelming sense of responsibility, having difficulty with authority figures, seeing the world as a very chaotic place that needs to be controlled, etc. -- the kind of things that lead us to seek out guardrails and boundaries.

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    4. Could very well be true. Did your source say anything about what happens in the case of say posthumous births (or other examples where it happened before a boy would be able to remember his father)?

      J

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    5. I don't know. It's been years since I read about it. My dim memory is it focused on boys who lost fathers during a specific age range around 6 or 7. I don't think it dealt with posthumous births, but I don't recall.

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  19. Seems to me some of my sexual imprinting started way before puberty, as I remember being excited by my first grade teacher spanking me. As Dan and ZM have pointed out, because of the lack of a strong male presence (dad wasn't there, physically or emotionally) that could have been a contributing factor to getting off on being dominated by a strong female authority figure. Also, when there are few or no boundaries, it's a natural evolution that leads to testosterone driven, risky behavior. That also might be why there are 10 times as many guys in prison than gals. I started riding big bikes on the freeway at 15 years old, and never even wore a helmet. After numerous wrecks and loosing 2 friends, I started to slow down, and it's a wonder I survived. I think I always wanted firm boundaries, with consequences, imposed on me - preferably by a strong female authority figure.

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    1. I recall an seeing a very interesting study earlier this year that boys raised without fathers have higher testosterone levels that boys raised with their fathers. Even with that concrete outcome, the cause and effect debate was interesting. One option was that something about not having a father at home resulted in higher testosterone levels. Basically, the nurture option. Another option, however, was that the father's absence was attributable to something like engaging in higher risk behavior, which can be attributable to higher testosterone, and that both father and son shared a genetic trait for higher testosterone production. Basically, a "nature" argument. Either way, very interesting stuff.

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    2. All interesting lines of thought. Do you remember any details of the study so we can look it up?

      J

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    3. Best write-up I saw was:https://www.economist.com/science-and-technology/2022/06/01/fatherless-sons-have-more-testosterone

      But you need a subscription. Which I'd advise everyone to get. Love The Economist.

      Also this:https://news.nd.edu/news/multi-decade-research-links-fathers-testosterone-production-to-their-adolescent-experiences-with-their-own-fathers/

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  20. My interest in Adult Punishment spankings is really only a few years old. My fascination with spanking is a lifelong thing. As a very little boy I played house with the little girls that lived next door and I remember spanking being part of the play. Thier dad would frequently come into the back yard pick them up and spank them then and there, so I think they would equate spanking to just being normal and at that time I did not know any children that did not get spanked. I was spanked by dad more than my mom, but mom would frequently protect me. My older brothers were spanked more. I was the youngest. As we got older dad would use his belt, I don't really remember getting the belt except the one time I hurt one of my older brothers. I think I did avoid getting spanked because I witnessed my brothers get it and was smart enough to not do the same things and if I did, I was way more careful about hiding and lying about it. That being said I was a very selfish child and I got away with it because mom spoiled me. I think the link to adult punishment spanking was because the recognition that I got away with too much as a child and the selfish habits never really got it resolved. I carried them into my marriage and when I did not get my way with her and would throw a temper tantrum and we would argue until both of us had hurt feelings and one of us would usually leave the for hours to cool down. It got so bad that I threatened to fly home from a vacation. That did not happen and that night we had a long talk, and I got a spanking and time in the corner. It did help relieve the tension between us and I promised to try to not argue with her but of course that did not work. When we started this adventure of living in an RV I asked her if she would be in charge of our marriage and end all arguments with a spanking if necessary. She agreed to be in charge but does not think she should have to spank me because I am an adult, but she is learning that I am selfish cannot control myself. The frustrating thing is that she will see the problem and plan a course of action, but it may be days before I am actually punished. I might have changed my attitude if I was informed of the planned punishment but instead, she just let me go on being upset and I get more upset because I know I need to be controlled

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    1. There's definitely a fine line between wanting a spouse to help you with genuine behavioral issues that you can't get on top of yourself, on the one hand, and expecting them to be responsible for your state of mind, on the other. I can see why many of them don't want that responsibility.

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  21. She did get around to the planned punishment last night better late than never. I also confessed that some of my Actions were due to resentment for thinking she was just going to skip punishing me. I ended up with a very sore bottom and in the corner for more than an hour. It set me rite but at what cost

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  22. Spanking was common among my extended family, but what was much more common -- sometimes several times a day -- was teasing but real warnings and threats about being spanked. If we were rambunctious in the kitchen while my mom was cooking, she would turn from the stove and shake a wooden spoon at us and say, "You'all want some of this on your bare bums?" Then she would laugh and we would laugh and run away. But she also meant it. If we ignored her threat, she would eventually turn us over her knee and whack us with her hand or even the spoon. That happened rarely to me but more to my brothers.
    These constant threats with a smile made spanking attractive to me from a very young age. I didn't want to actually be spanked but I loved the threats. And my dad did it too! He would pretend to be unbuckling his belt when he wanted us to settle down. We would giggle and run and occasionally he would chase us and tackle us and tickle us and pretend whack our bottoms and tell us what was going to happen if we did not behave. So the idea of being spanked was fun but also gave that tickle of fear in our bellies because sometimes it did happen. When it did, his belt was no joke. And because of that we were pretty well behaved.
    Now I long for my husband to do the same thing -- tease me to keep me in line but also follow through occasionally with a hard spanking that does make it clear that he will back up his threats when he needs to. I long to be truly under his authority the way I was with my parents. Being controlled in that manner makes me feel safe, secure, and loved. And knowing I will be taken over his knee for discipline, not just for fun, is an important part of it that I long for.
    Cynthia Ellen

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    1. "These constant threats with a smile made spanking attractive to me from a very young age." That is a super interesting observation.

      "I long to be truly under his authority the way I was with my parents. Being controlled in that manner makes me feel safe, secure, and loved." I definitely understand that longing, though I also recognize that I sometimes actively resent it in the moment.

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  23. This is a little off topic, so no need to publish it. I suggested putting the best of this blog in a book not so much for money, but to enlighten others about the benifets of this lifestyle. You never know what might come out of it. You have certainly helped normalize F/M DD for thousands, including myself, and it is wonderful to know that we are not alone. Anyway, book ideas aside, just keeping this blog going is a really great service. Thanks!

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    1. It's true that you never what may come of something like that. 50 Shades started as self-published fan fiction.

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    2. Dan

      A Best of... would be a solid contribution to a literature on F/M spanking sadly impoverished by both what has been published as a purported book --and what has never been published but should have been.

      But candidly you could do much better than " A best of" and treat your archives as primary material working toward an original book with a focus such as Getting Real about Female Led DD: What Real men and Real Women Really Think ( title just an example)

      My point is that you have a lot of material would be exposed to a much wider audience even with just a Kindle publishing

      Alan

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    3. I agree Alan. I've thought before about a topical organization that included a topic for each chapter supported by actual reader comments. Here again, Blogger does not make things easy. There is no way I'm aware of to search comments. That's a problem, as you know how much the conversations here wander -- some of the comments I'd want to use are almost certainly not under a corresponding topic title. Further, for the first year or so of the blog, I didn't identify topics in the title. So, what you're suggesting is doable but, as with most things on Blogger, more of a pain in the ass than it needs to be.

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    4. Considering how much folks stray from the announced topic, I would look at it maybe as a historian would, thinking about the viable comments as letters or diary entries or other primary sources Once you have a working title, a table of contents and maybe a detailed outline, the "primary material" will fall more easily into the organization
      Alan

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    5. Agreed, though the organizing is the easy part. The hard part is, I often remember particular comments, but not always when they were made. And, even if I remember by whom, many are posting under Anonymous or Unknown. We're up to almost 19,000 comments over the life of the blog. That's a huge haystack within which to look for one particular comment. I've often been surprised at how hard it is to find a comment I remember, unless I happened to quote it within the body of a topic. That seems to be because Google indexes the body of the post, so the posts are searchable, but it doesn't index comments at all, making them impossible to search.

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    6. Hi Dan:

      You stated "There is no way I'm aware of to search comments."

      That is not "completely correct"!

      In late January 2018, Google DID begin indexing the comments sections of all the "blogspot.com" blogs. (Earlier than roughly January 20, 2018, we're are simply SOL!)

      For example, if you type this phrase into the Google search bare (omitting the square brackets) . . .

      [site:disciplinedhubbies.blogspot.com "Being maternal is who we are . . ."]

      . . . you will be directed to your own comment (Dan's reply to Scrict July) of January 27, 2018 at 12:42 PM . . .

      "Hi Julie. Good to hear from you. "Being maternal is who we are . . ." That may explain why my wife seems to gravitate toward seeing me a boy who needs discipline."

      Hope this info helps,

      -- Donn

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    7. Donn, that is really helpful! Interestingly, that works if you enter the search in Google. But, it does NOT work if you enter it in the search field in Blogger.

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  24. Dan, it is certainly understandable that you may have enough on your plate and don't need another project. My point was that your blog is unique, and I am unaware of anything else like it. Your editing has been excellent and the level of contributions is consistently psychologically complex, serious, interesting and candid. I have shared numerous comments with my partner to help her understand F/M spanking and DD, and it has been helpful.

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    1. "The level of contributions is consistently psychologically complex, serious, interesting and candid." That truly may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said about the blog, and I mean that sincerely.

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    2. Hi Dan. I was sincere about that comment also. The only thing as liberating as your blog for me has been the spanking party put on by Shadow Lane in Las Vegas. I attended a few years ago, and it was wonderful to be among hundreds of like minded spankos of all types, some coming from as far as Japan. They are still happening Labor Day weekend, now under the name "Oasis." Everything was safe, consensual. and fun. They rent out the top 2 floors of a big hotel and have many educational classes. Also, those who want to have spanking partys leave their doors open. You can participate at whatever level you want. I gave and received numerous spankings, and met many wonderful, loving people.

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    3. I'm sure Shadow Lane would be quite the liberating experience!

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  25. You could put it all in a Word document (there may be a way to import the whole thing) and then the entire blog would be searchable by keywords and easy to cut and paste to rearrange.
    A kinky old journalist lurker

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    1. Hmm. You might be right. Though, I think I'd have to copy and paste 406 topics and all their comments one-by-one, because you have to click on each topic to expose the comments. Though, honestly, a long weekend with my computer and a nice chianti might be the extent of the work involved,

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    2. Well worth it for the content of a book that would be popular in the FLR-Femdom-DD-D/s-Male Submissive communities.
      KOJ (kinky old journalist). Especially wuth an excellent table of contents and an index so the online version is easily searchable.

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    3. Kinky old journalist is offering some good advice, but one caveat Resist the tendency to let the “headline” write the story and use the story to write the headline. That can means lots or rewrites from early drafts .text revisions. And even major changes to the original organization but well worthwhile for the final story. Writhing is not a destination. It is a process and a journey –and you make up the itinerary
      Alan

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    4. Thanks, Alan. I write on another platform as well (totally vanilla stuff unconnected in any way to this blog's topics), and I find I almost always end up re-writing the title/headline after writing the article.

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  26. Were you spanked as a kid? Yes
    · If yes, how often and by whom? By both parents almost equally until I was 13. After that it was about 2:1 by my dad. When I was 10 or younger I was spanked about once a month. As a teenager it became twice a month and sometimes weekly. Without saying more, my parents sexually enjoyed spanking me. I was also spanked twice by my elementary school principal.
    · How old were you when you got your last spanking as a kid? 16 from my mother, bare bottom, and close to 17 by my father, also bare.
    · How old were you when you first developed an interest in spanking? I’d say I started fantasizing and masturbating to stories my friends told of getting spanked at about 13.
    · How old were you when did you first become interested in adult spanking? I first spanked my girlfriend over her pants at 13. It was for some supposed behavior, but I was really aroused. At 17 my girlfriend and I spanked each other after pulling down each other’s underwear. Again, it was on the pretext of misbehavior, but clearly erotic.
    My interest seems clearly linked to childhood.

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    1. Hi Fred. Welcome back. I'm sorry to hear that parents being sexually aroused by spanking you is part of your history. I'm sure that creates a lot of mixed feelings given your own interest in spanking and discipline.

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    2. It is actually more of an issue for Ann. I have to constantly remind her that with her spanking is totally voluntary. I also have to remind her that arousal because of the shift in power on her part is appropriate. Her sense of power is what I want. The times she calls me out independently are the worst and the best for me. They usually result in the worst spankings.

      A side note: I got two spankings yesterday and it will be days before I can sit comfortably.

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    3. The comment was from me.

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    4. I get her Ann's concern, though I agree with you that in the adult context, it's appropriate and even desirable.

      Sorry for the multiple spankings. Do you guys have a certain procedure or rule that resulted in two instead of one?

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  27. ·      Were you spanked as a kid?
    Yes.
    ·      If yes, how often and by whom?  Parents?  If so, which one(s)? Non-parent relatives? Teachers? Principals? Others?
    Average not more than one per year. Both parents. Mostly mother when younger, always father when older. A few times at school. No other adult.
    ·      How old were you when you got your last spanking as a kid?
    Home 14-15, School 16
    ·      How old were you when you first developed an interest in spanking?
    Around 4 years old
    ·      How old were you when did you first become interested in adult spanking?  Was your interest in erotic spankings? Disciplinary? Both?
    Late teens. I was interested in erotic spankings when I first started exploring, but my fetish is centered only on disciplinary.
    ·      Do you think your interest in spanking, whenever it developed, is connected to your spankings as a non-adult, or lack thereof?  Why or why not?
    Absolutely connected to childhood, mostly adolescence. I'm not saying I wasn't born with the potential, but spanking is a complex and detailed world of psychology, situations, practices and feelings, and from all the variety of possibilities, I model things after, and am mostly moved by what happened to me personally.

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    1. Thanks, Brett. If your interest in spanking started at 4, it definitely sounds like you were born with the potential.

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  28. · Were you spanked as a kid? Yes

    · If yes, how often and by whom? Parents? If so, which one(s)? Non-parent relatives? Teachers? Principals? Others? At school by teachers with plimsoll

    · How old were you when you got your last spanking as a kid? 6

    · How old were you when you first developed an interest in spanking? 6

    · How old were you when did you first become interested in adult spanking? Was your interest in erotic spankings? Disciplinary? Both? Both

    · Do you think your interest in spanking, whenever it developed, is connected to your spankings as a non-adult, or lack thereof? Why or why not?
    I found I got very erect being slippered at age 6. This was before I knew anything about sexuality. My bottom is my erogenous zone and just my wife feeling my rear gets be aroused. We used to read Penthouse Forum and the spanking letters really got me erect and wife noticed. She started spanking me from then on. Great wife!

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  29. My history of childhood spanking mirrors the authors. Mostly after about 6 my dad was the enforcer. Mom would say wait until your dad gets home. I was a good kid, so not spanned often. Last one I was about eleven
    As for interest in adult spanking not until the past few years and I’m 66 now. I’ve come to realize that an FLR lifestyle is what best suits me and creates intimacy between us. I’d like her to embrace spanking as a training tool, and to assert her control, but she is not on board yet and is basically too sweet b

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