Friday, July 1, 2022

The Club - Meeting 404 - Origins

"If you don't ask, the answer is always no." -- Nora Roberts

 

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you all had a great week.  Mine was pretty good, though when I said last week that I felt like I was turning a corner where some disappointing behavior was concerned, it proved to be a little too optimistic.  I got one spanking a few days ago and earned another yesterday.

 

 

I did manage to be fairly productive last week, at least by my standards.  Unfortunately, a few days of devoting myself to a home improvement project put me behind on getting out a blog post.  I did still want to get one out this week, though I’m cheating a little to make it happen.  The below is taken more or less verbatim from a post from about three years ago.  It’s on origins.  Although we do those fairly frequently, we have a few new commenters and this may be a way to get to know them better.  Hopefully the topic won’t strike longer-term commenters as too repetitive.

 

I always enjoy hearing how others got into this thing we do, because I still maintain that it is not a very common lifestyle and getting into it displays the kind of openness, courage, and mutual support that couples should be proud to share, encouraging others to ask for what they want and to be open to giving it even if it seems a little weird at first.

 

Let’s get right to the questions for the groups.

 


 

For the husbands who initiated DD:

 

  • How exactly did you approach your wife/partner?
  • What did you say?
  • How did you work up the courage? How long did it take you?
  • And what was her initial reaction? Did it change over time?
  • After the initial conversation, how long was it until your first real spanking? Was it all you expected it to be?

 

    For the wives:

 

  • Who initiated the DD relationship, you or him?
  • If he approached you with the idea, what was your reaction?  If you initiated, how did he react?
  • How long was it between your initial conversation and his first spanking?
  • What was that first spanking like? How did you feel?

 

 I am not going to go into my own origin story in detail, as I’ve told it here repeatedly, but here are my responses to the specific questions.


 

Here are my responses:

 

How did I approach her?  I did it after I found the DWC website and spent a weekend devouring it.  We were in bed, with the lights off, and I told her in general terms what the website was about.  I'm not sure I could have done it any other way, except maybe by email, because I was so embarrassed by the whole thing.

 

What exactly did I say?  A lot.  Much of it centered on how this was not kink, or not just kink but, rather, about giving her real power to dole out real punishment for real offenses.  I also told her that the spankings were so real that the expectation was the husband would end up crying. That one turned out to be more fantasy than reality, but I do remember making that point to her, because I was trying to show that I was not suggesting a continuation of the short stint of erotic play-acting that we had tried in the past and that she felt was actually encouraging bad behavior.

 

How did I work up the courage?  Well, I really felt like I didn't have much choice.  After I read the stories and other content on the DWC website, I was so overwhelmed by the whole thing that I couldn't think of anything else.  It was front and center in my mind all day and all night.  I  really couldn't NOT tell her about it.  It was truly an obsessive kind of thing, and as far as I can recall, the first time I had experienced anything like that.  I was aroused and scared at the same time.  And, to be clear, not scared that she wouldn't do it.  Scared that she would.  Yet, here I was asking for it.  It was all very paradoxical and perplexing, but the whole idea of it resonated so strongly for me that I had no real choice but to at least tell her about it and let the chips fall where they may.

 

How long did it take before the first spanking? I think it was only one day.  Definitely no more than two.

 

What was her initial reaction?  She didn't say very much the night I raised the subject with her.  She listened without saying very much. When I was through talking, she said she would check out the DWC website, and that was about it.  I would characterize her attitude as puzzled, curious, and noncommittal.   I recall going to sleep even more wired and on edge, because I had no idea what to expect.  Honestly, I thought the most likely scenario was she wouldn't follow up at all, or she would reject the idea as just more erotic spanking with the potential to encourage even more bad behavior.  However, she called me at work the next day. (She said she had looked at the website.  Her only initial comment was, "Very interesting."  She then said that if I was serious about it, I should go shopping for an appropriate hairbrush.

 


 

How long until the first spanking?   She gave me my first spanking that same night. 

 

Was it all that I expected?  In a word, no.  We had so little experience with this, I don’t think either of us had any understanding of how hard is hard. It took more experimentation with serious tools, including a wooden "fraternity"-style paddle, before it became very real.  I still recall the first time it really hit home that I might have asked for more than I had bargained for. We had instituted a system of assigning points to each type of offense, with each point representing one swat with the paddle.  While my spankings up to that point had averaged between 10 - 25 swats, I had an exceptionally bad week, and I gulped when I realized it added up to 60.  She had never given me anything close to that before. I said something about not being sure I could take that many, and without skipping a beat she told me that I was going to take that many and that if I hadn't wanted that many then I should have behaved better. 

 

So, tell us all about your own origin story.

 

I hope you all have a great week.

 


 

69 comments:

  1. How exactly did you approach your wife/partner?
    Kids were gone for the weekend, we had way too much wine, and started sharing sexual fantasies. I confessed my fascination with being spanked and she obliged me with a "playful spanking" of about 30 whacks with a ping pong paddle.

    What did you say?
    The next morning, after another "playful spanking" from my wife (turns out she enjoyed spanking), she started joking about how I could use a good spanking now and then. At which point, after years of fantasizing about the a DWC lifestyle, I told her that perhaps we should seriously discuss that - and then showed her the DWC site.

    How did you work up the courage? How long did it take you?
    I don't know that I would have ever actually discussed a real DWC marriage with her if it had not been for that bottle of wine on a night when the kids were gone.

    And what was her initial reaction? Did it change over time?
    As I wrote above, she immediately recognized that she enjoyed spanking - "the feeling of power" she told me. After showing her the DWC site the next morning - which she read "cover to cover", she was completely on board with giving the lifestyle a try. And she never looked back. She still enjoys spanking me to this day.

    After the initial conversation, how long was it until your first real spanking? Was it all you expected it to be?
    The first real spanking (after the two playful spankings) occurred that afternoon - after she had spent the morning reading the DWC site. She "couldn't wait" to give me a "real DWC spanking". And that she did. It turned out to be much more than I ever expected. What a shock! Reality was so much different than the fantasy - from the very first whack of that wooden hairbrush until it was finally over, a hundred or so whacks later.

    A more detailed recounting of this story is in the User Stories section of this site (User Story, Vol 1).
    --al

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    1. It's funny al, but until you mentioned it, I'd forgotten all about the User Stories section. For the first year or so the blog was in place, I put quite a bit of content into that section. There also was the Guestbook. Unfortunately, the former became kind of a pain to populate when you added that time to the time it took for each post. The latter ended up attracting tons of spam. So, I shut the Guestbook down to new comments, and stopped updating the User Stories section.

      Delete
  2. J and I have always been somewhat kinky and exploratory in our sex life, with spanking play and the exchange of power definitely playing a significant role from the start. But we didn't actually become a FLR with real discipline until we had been together about 10 years, which was a bit over 10 years ago.

    So I'm not sure how SPANKING got introduced into our marriage because it was really always there, mostly (but not exclusively) with me on the receiving end. But it was never connected to any actual misbehavior, and although we sometimes played hard, it was always play.

    The transition into a FLR happened fairly quickly. We were (or at least I was) in experiencing a bit of a lull in our sexual appetites, as I suppose sometimes happens when you're with the same person for a decade. But one thing that was probably different than for many other couples was that we actually talked about it. I mentioned that her spanking me always excited me, and that being disciplined for real was something I've increasingly thought about. She said she'd be OK trying that, as long as I told her if it wasn't working and as long as I was serious about her being in charge.

    So we talked a lot about how that would work and what it would look like. We agreed on parameters - she'd be take on the role of head of the household, though we'd retain our equality on career and major financial and life decisions. I was free to express myself and she'd listen, but she'd have the final word on everything else. She'd correct or punish me if I broke the rules, and I wouldn't like it or it wouldn't be real. I'm not to pester her to change her mind or reconsider. I'm not to brat her into disciplining me; if I want a "fun" spanking, I can ask for one. Punishment and sex were to be kept separate. And the only explicit sex rule was that I don't masturbate or climax without her permission (which I'm free to ask for, but she's free to refuse). I got into trouble for this for the first time a couple months ago.

    So there wasn't a big moment of "working up the courage" for me because we were pretty openly talking about our desires and needs already. It never occurred to me that she might react badly, only that she might not be interested.

    It took us about a month or two to get the rhythm down, but it's really worked for us. She told me she enjoyed the role from the start, but that it took her about a year or two before it felt "natural" to her. She didn't actually discipline me (or need to) for several months after we got started. So we didn't start right off with an overdue punishment spanking as I think many couples do, probably because spanking wasn't new for either of us.

    K

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    1. "It never occurred to me that she might react badly, only that she might not be interested." That's pretty much where we were. I actually thought it was highly likely she wouldn't be interested, but I didn't think there would be a demeaning or damaging reaction either.

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  3. How did it start?
    Few glasses of wine one night followed by some playful smacks which I accepted, she then grabbed a slipper and carried on for a minute or so with me offering encouragement. I have had the spanking fetish (mainly as a receiver) all my life.

    What did I say? How did she react?
    Later that week I wrote & shared with her a letter explaining how I felt, giving her links to various sites, etc. She took it much better than I thought, especially when I explained about the shift in control that it could bring. She was definitely interested along the lines of anything that made me happy she would consider. Which she did and we discussed several times. Initially ( and sometimes still) she is unable to understand how it can be an erotic fantasy as well as a means of control/ punishment.

    When did she take first action?
    The next weekend she matter of factly said that we needed to give it a go and asked me for implement suggestions- the bath brush was the obvious choice and so I awkwardly lay across her lap in bed whilst she applied about 15 quite tentative smacks. But it was a start. From that start I got into the habit of a journal which she has strongly encouraged and over time the severity has gradually reached and stayed at true punishment levels.

    First ‘real’ spanking
    I bought a strap for her ( the Irish school strap) which is quite heavy. The first time she used that was the first time I really felt punished. She was reluctant to use it for a while as she could see the distress and bruising that it caused. I have many times explained that it was the level and impact that would evoke real change in me ( which she has seen) and so the strap is now always her ‘go-to’ implement in conjunction with a black cane. I am torn between wanting such severity and really struggling to take it once it starts. There is never a warm up and that very sharp, white hot sting of the first few strokes still gets me begging for mercy. The routine now is 3 mins with the strap, 3 mins with the cane measured by a giant egg timer! Strokes are delivered fast and without any acknowledgment of the pleas I make.

    Our only challenge is regularity. She / I can still revert to more ‘traditional’ ways of resolving minor marital disputes such as coldness, etc which are unhelpful, destructive and unproductive. We are about to re-institute weekly ‘review’ sessions during which we agree on how behaviour has been, agree on a consequence and clear the air. I would be interested to hear others views on how they have navigated this area… TB

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    1. "I am torn between wanting such severity and really struggling to take it once it starts." That's definitely the way it is with me. Somehow, in retrospect I always fail to really remember just how much it hurts.

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    2. I rember how much it hurts but somehow it does not keep me from wanting it to be more sever. Maybe because I rarely get to real tears and I know what I did to earn a spanking deserves a spanking that will make me cry. It's usually something that was embarrassing to her in public or some attitude that she does not like. I think not only should there be tears but also sever enough to find sitting difficult for more than a couple of hours. I want it to be memorable so it changes my behavior

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  4. How did it start?
    Few glasses of wine one night followed by some playful smacks which I accepted, she then grabbed a slipper and carried on for a minute or so with me offering encouragement. I have had the spanking fetish (mainly as a receiver) all my life.

    What did I say? How did she react?
    Later that week I wrote & shared with her a letter explaining how I felt, giving her links to various sites, etc. She took it much better than I thought, especially when I explained about the shift in control that it could bring. She was definitely interested along the lines of anything that made me happy she would consider. Which she did and we discussed several times. Initially ( and sometimes still) she is unable to understand how it can be an erotic fantasy as well as a means of control/ punishment.

    When did she take first action?
    The next weekend she matter of factly said that we needed to give it a go and asked me for implement suggestions- the bath brush was the obvious choice and so I awkwardly lay across her lap in bed whilst she applied about 15 quite tentative smacks. But it was a start. From that start I got into the habit of a journal which she has strongly encouraged and over time the severity has gradually reached and stayed at true punishment levels.

    First ‘real’ spanking
    I bought a strap for her ( the Irish school strap) which is quite heavy. The first time she used that was the first time I really felt punished. She was reluctant to use it for a while as she could see the distress and bruising that it caused. I have many times explained that it was the level and impact that would evoke real change in me ( which she has seen) and so the strap is now always her ‘go-to’ implement in conjunction with a black cane. I am torn between wanting such severity and really struggling to take it once it starts. There is never a warm up and that very sharp, white hot sting of the first few strokes still gets me begging for mercy. The routine now is 3 mins with the strap, 3 mins with the cane measured by a giant egg timer! Strokes are delivered fast and without any acknowledgment of the pleas I make.

    Our only challenge is regularity. She / I can still revert to more ‘traditional’ ways of resolving minor marital disputes such as coldness, etc which are unhelpful, destructive and unproductive. We are about to re-institute weekly ‘review’ sessions during which we agree on how behaviour has been, agree on a consequence and clear the air. I would be interested to hear others views on how they have navigated this area… TB

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  5. Part of my origin story is how long it took to actually honestly approach a women about disciplinary spanking .Bringing up erotic spanking, especially today, is pretty straightforward –and probably a lot easier than a few years ago. But even back then, I don’t think I ever encountered a woman who didn’t enjoy at least a smack on the bum during sex as long as it was their bum. But I also had not met a woman who seemed interested in spanking a male
    For all I know there were women interested in spanking men but I was probably too cautious to really find out by revealing my own desires. So the first woman to spank me didn’t happen until my late 20’s and it wasn’t really a DD relationship although the seeds were there
    She was divorced and had been spanked for discipline by her husband. It still is unclear to me whether she actually consented to this, but the discipline she received from him was very real as she told it. When we first met she did encourage me to spank her. But when I did she told me I spanked her too hard and she thought I needed to be spanked to experience it.
    One night, she produced a fairly large paddle (hidden under her bed) that had been used on her and she spanked me with it on several occasions for fairly minor (made up) reasons. This wasn’t DD or really disciplinary but it wasn’t erotic spanking either
    For her it was more an experiment although she quickly figured out I liked it and found reasons to spank me hard enough that she actually cracked her peddle one night and then promptly replaced it a few days later . As I remember it she was pretty fascinated that I liked to be spanked and she enjoyed that. But she wasn’t interested in any of the psychological nuances involved in spanking.
    If that relationship had continued it might have become DD but it didn’t last long perhaps because I wasn’t really ready to accept my own needs for feminine control. Also it was more of a game to her and even then I knew I wanted it to be real. Being honest with myself I think I panicked a little when she replaced her broken paddle so fast but there were a lot of other factors that made it end.

    That was my real introduction to F/M spanking and I don’t think I was completely ready for where it was going, although a big part of me was already hooked.
    Fast forward several years, which were years I got a lot more in touch with my need for feminine discipline. The woman who really finally took me there was very sexual and open minded but also very vanilla. What made it all click was that she was dominant by nature (after our first date I didn’t call soon enough, so she called me to chastise me and the first words out of her mouth were “I own your ass” and she meant it.
    But I also found out that, vanilla though she was, she believed strongly in spanking as a punishment, had raised two sons as a single mom and saw discipline as a natural and necessary thing and spanking just part of that.

    These spanking positive attitudes of hers encouraged me to open up to her gradually about my own feelings to the point I ended up telling her I thought I would benefit from a good spanking sometimes. She responded to that telling me she had observed some” self-destructive” tendencies in me and she thought she could take care of that. She really took it from there and I have recounted that history in previous posts. Looking back on this it was her positive feelings about spanking that released my own feeling about it.

    My feeling about spanking would have eventually came out as strong as they are –but her openness to it let them just pour out. I think that in turn allowed her to discover her own dominance more fully because she really was a natural disciplinarian who realized that about herself in responding to my need for discipline
    Alan


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    1. It's interesting Alan, but the way you describe your GF, she doesn't really sound very vanilla. But, I guess both kink and vanilla-ness have a lot of nuances and permutations.

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    2. Dan,
      I use the word vanilla to denote someone with no kinky interests and specifically no interest in adult erotic or DD spanking. She was all of that, but the traits that make DD spanking work were there in abundance. Exposure to the notion of adult spanking, particularly females spanking males, was what transformed her. In a way she was an example of a dynamic we have discussed- and possibly you experienced yourself—something in the environment triggering an interest in spanking that here-to fore, didn’t exist on any conscience level. The vast proportion of women who have commented on this blog were probably “vanilla” before their spouse or SO in some manner exposed them to the notion of adult spanking
      Alan

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    3. I use the word vanilla to denote someone with no kinky interests and specifically no interest in adult erotic or DD spanking. She was all of that, but the traits that make DD spanking work were there in abundance.

      Exposure to the notion of adult spanking, particularly females spanking males, was what transformed her. In a way she was an example of a dynamic we have discussed- and possibly you experienced yourself—something in the environment triggering an interest in spanking that here-to fore, didn’t exist on any conscience level.

      The vast proportion of women who have commented on this blog were probably “vanilla” before their spouse or SO in some manner exposed them to the notion of adult spanking
      Alan

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    4. That's probably true, Alan. Where any pre-existing interest in adult spanking was concerned, my wife and I were both very vanilla for the first several years of marriage

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  6. Like Dan, I was absolutely floored when first discovering DWC. It was a long time after that when I first went to a pro and got a hard spanking, which did relieve stress, but didn't give me the satisfaction of actually being dominated. I have had many women partners and wives, but never before found a woman that was actually be dominant. The lady I am with now knew about my spanking obsession early on, because I took her to witness a session of a pro, who spanked me about once a week. My thinking was it was important for her to understand that this really was a fundamental need I had. Looking back on it, it was a big risk, as it was all foreign to her. However, she was a little intrigued by it and was open to the idea. She slowly got more confident and started to spank me harder and more often. After being together for about 3 years, I finally let her know that it would be helpful to me if she could give me regular maintance spankings, as well as disciplinary spankings whenever she felt I earned one. How it has changed over time is that she has become a very proficient spanker and more confident in other areas of her life. I have never been happier. There is nothing we can't talk about, and it has allowed us to be closer than I could have imagined. Another thing that has changed is that I have always been a risk taker, and have ridden large, fast motorcycles all my life. (including a Norton) This worried my lady friend, and I sold my bike. After 60 years of riding, I now no longer need the thrill of being in that much danger. Being "taken in hand" has also helped reduce my PTSD from Vietnam. Dan, your blog has been very helpful in normalizing DD, and helping to challange the dominant paradigm, which is so restrictive. Your honesty and commitment are appreciated, and you probably help many more people than you know.

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    1. Thanks for the kind comments, Norton.

      I've been riding motorcycles for the entire time we've been doing DD. So far, I haven't experienced the slightest diminution in my need for speed!

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  7. I can’t really answer the questions in the way they are asked as it really wasn’t like that for us. We met online before it was a normal thing - not even in this century. This was on an early spanking website so we never had the situation of one of us trying to broach it with the other. I was dom at the time and she was sub - although I always knew I was actually a switch. We morphed into switching pretty fast and then continued down that road to the point where she became totally dom and I sub. If I wanted to play as a dom, I had to go elsewhere for it - which was and is totally acceptable. As with apparently many others, it was the DWC website that changed things. She found it and as I remember put it in front of me. This must have been about 2001. I don’t really remember much about how we moved info into real life DD but I think it must have been around the end of 2001. I said something insensitive at a very stressed time and upset her. I’m not sure who suggested it but I’m pretty sure that was the first time that the cane was used not in play mode. It worked though, she felt better having worked off the anger and I no longer felt guilty. If I’m honest, I often feel I don’t get disciplined there days as often as I should but we’ve had a great marriage for over twenty years and I have no doubt that DD is one of the reasons. TG

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    1. Thanks, TG. You're one of the few (maybe the only) commenters I've had here whose wife brought the DWC to his attention. I wonder how I would have reacted had my wife brought it to me? Though, we were very differently situated from you, in that we had experimented with spanking only for a very short period, and it definitely wasn't a standard part of your life.

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  8. Dan wrote: >Well, I really felt like I didn't have much choice. After I read the stories and other content on the DWC website, I was so overwhelmed by the whole thing that I couldn't think of anything else. It was front and center in my mind all day and all night. I really couldn't NOT tell her about it. It was truly an obsessive kind of thing, and as far as I can recall, the first time I had experienced anything like that. I was aroused and scared at the same time. And, to be clear, not scared that she wouldn't do it. Scared that she would. Yet, here I was asking for it. It was all very paradoxical and perplexing, but the whole idea of it resonated so strongly for me that I had no real choice but to at least tell her about it and let the chips fall where they may.<
    --------------------
    This is interesting. I completely get the obsession. That was my experience as well after I discovered the websites that featured F/M spanking - most especially the DWC site, as well as the stories on the old spanking groups on the Usenet. However, in our case, I truly and completely believed that my wife would never be the least bit interested, and would most likely think that I had hidden some deep sick perversions from her. Nevertheless, I did drop a subtle hint a few times to test the waters, but they were just completely ignored - probably too subtle, in retrospect. So, I did not dare "seriously" approach her. Instead, I fantasized, engaged anonymously on forums, wrote some stories of my own, corresponded anonymously with a couple of like minded guys.

    Until the night we were home alone and I was drunk enough for me to actually say that I had fantasized about being spanked - as we opened up about our sexual fantasies, and she was drunk enough to think that sounded like fun. It was one of the Great Surprises of my life when she actually put me over for lap for that first play spanking and even more so when she play-spanked me again sober the next morning, then capped off by the DWC discussion and a true disciplinary spanking that afternoon. I never would have ever believed that scenario would have played out. And despite countless painful spankings in the years since then, so glad it did. --al

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    1. In vino veritas, eh?

      I did discover spanking usenet groups before the DWC, though it was a pretty compressed timeframe. As I recall the sequence, I saw a segment on adult spanking on the old HBO series "Real Sex." It interested me enough that I did look for on-line content. I don't recall finding all that much at first, and I don't recall much in the way of F/m content. The content I found that I recall catching my interest tended to be things like Dad-son or Uncle-nephew spankings, often of the "taken to the woodshed" variety.

      With the benefit of hindsight, those stories probably should have been a signal that the content I found compelling involved very unequal power relationships and scenarios in which the spankee was under someone else's firm control.

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  9. For us, the first time spanking me was discussed was after a visit to my parents' house. Beth and I were engaged at the time but lived some distance away. As a result, she and my mom didn't get to know each other right away. Any apprehension about meeting her future mother-in-law quickly faded, as they were soon chatting like old friends. I wasn't there to hear it, but mom must have shared all the details of my childhood escapades - many of which ended up with a spanking. She also made it a point to tell Beth how effective that particular punishment was with me and that she gave me my last one at age twelve.

    Beth was only occasionally spanked growing up and those just amounted to sporadic swats when she was little. So, she was fascinated by mom's use of the hairbrush on my bare bottom and the positive effect it had on my behavior and attitude. She jokingly said that she'd turn me in to my mother sometimes, if only she lived closer. I remember her smiling then and adding, "or do the job myself."

    After that day, Beth did give me a few playful spankings with her hand. They were fun in the bedroom, but I found myself asking her if that was the best she could do. She assured me that with the right implement, she could do a much more thorough job. It took a little while to find a sturdy wooden hairbrush, but eventually she came home with one very similar to what mom and I described.

    The hairbrush sat on our dresser for about a week and then we had a little dispute over chores. With hairbrush in hand, Beth informed me that the time had come for an attitude adjustment. She sat on the couch and after just a slight hesitancy, I pulled my pants down and laid across her lap. Since this was new to her, I expected her to go quite easy on me. But, to my surprise the first smack was everything I remembered and then some. That first one from her ended up being one of my shorter sessions, but I felt well spanked by the time it was over. When we talked later, Beth told me that she was really annoyed with my slacking on chores and that being able to take her frustration out had felt pretty darn good. For me, it was an eye opener about how my behavior was affecting her. It was a completely different dynamic from our playful spankings and we both agreed that she would do it again if I needed one. The next one came about a month later, but the frequency gradually declined. I've only had two this year but been threatened a couple more times.

    I doubt if my mom had any idea what her talk with Beth would lead to, but she was right about what works with me.



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    1. Did you ever wonder if your mother was sending a message to your fiancé? After reading your account I did.
      Alan

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    2. Alan just wrote: >"Did you ever wonder if your mother was sending a message to your fiancé? After reading your account I did."<

      I had a very similar thought in reading this, causing me to reflect on how often that may actually happen - the husband's mom suggesting (subtly or otherwise) to the new wife that she should "take matters in hand as needed". It is a common enough literary device in F/M spanking fiction, and I don't doubt that it might occasionally occur in real life (as in this account) - but fairly rarely I would suspect. But, of course, a real life disciplinary wife lifestyle appears to be on the uncommon side to begin with. (I actually thought it would be more common than it seems to be - since I've always heard that F/M spanking/dominance was a common fantasy - but Dan's numbers here seem to indicate otherwise).

      I was not spanked very often as a child - neither of my parents were so inclined, just occasional swats as a small child. Interestingly, both my parents grew up well spanked as children (as it was back in the day) - but were not so inclined with their own children. My mom and her sister (my aunt) were both hairbrush spanked in panties otk as children, but my Mom never even hinted at such with her kids (I suspect that she resented it and wasn't going to "treat her kids that way"). However, her sister did believe in using the hairbrush on her two rowdy boys - firmly and often. I overheard several hairbrushings as we all hung out together a lot (we lived close by). And, in a story I've told here before, she put me over her knee once when I was ten years old, pulled my pants down and gave me a hairbrush spanking over my underwear that I thought would never end (it seemed like 50 or so at the time, but it had to be at least 30 or more). The result at the time was that I never even thought about sassing my aunt again, but when puberty hit a couple of years later, that experience morphed into somewhat of a sexual fantasy, enhanced by my aunt being a well built attractive lady (and younger than my mom). I've always thought that might have been the start of my attraction to F/M discipline - and would I have been so inclined without that experience?

      My aunt did tell my wife about that experience a couple of years after we were married, but I doubt there was any hidden message - we were just telling family tales. Although - just an intuition - I would not be shocked at all to discover that she was a disciplinary wife and spanked her husband. Especially as she did all the spanking of the boys in the house (to my knowledge, he never did). And it was always clear that she was "the boss" in the house and when she told him to do something, he did not hesitate. --al

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    3. Al wrote: “I had a very similar thought in reading this, causing me to reflect on how often that may actually happen”
      Rereading the account --al alludes to suggests the writer must have learned via hearsay from Beth what his mom revealed, so we don’t know exactly what Beth was told beyond that she was “fascinated” to learn about the spankings and the “positive” effect it had on him.
      I suspect something like this happens or happened somewhat commonly in earlier generations where spanking was itself very common. Basically a pro spanking mom confides to girlfriend or even new wife how she handled the bad behavior that girlfriend or new wife has already experienced or soon will. When mom relates some “war stories” she is basically saying “you are going to wish you could spank him as I did but of course you can’t, you are his wife”
      This scenario without a lot of encouragement isn’t going to produce too many disciplinary wives unless the women in question is already so inclined. In F/M fiction this is the point where mom passes on her well-worn brush to girlfriend /wife or even arranges to show her how to use it
      In real life, this doesn’t happen often if ever -although I can imagine the daughter of a spanking wife herself becoming a disciplinarian in adult life. But I don’t know of any actual instances of that and don’t remember any blog posters relating that experience
      So while mom passing on the hairbrush is the stuff of fiction, I can see situations like the one related here leading to a couple eventually experimenting with spanking, finally leading to DD.
      Alan

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    4. Honestly, it's not the only time my mother went down memory lane on my upbringing. And with Beth becoming part of the family, I'm sure she sh ared a little more family lore than usual. Mom didn't find my misbehavior funny at all at the time, but she laughs about it now and my spankings are just part of the stories. If Beth was eager to hear those details (and I bet she was), my mom would have been more than happy to share them.

      If mom planted a seed, I'm sure she wasn't aware of it. To her, Beth's interest was probably just an indication I had chosen well.



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    5. Anonymous, thanks for relating how you and Beth got started. If you wouldn't mind, please give yourself a name, so we can all track who we're "talking" to.

      Spanking was so prevalent when I was a kid, I can definitely see many mothers telling present and future daughter-in-laws about trouble their raucous sons got into that ended in a spanking -- because that is, in fact, how most bad behavior ended back then.

      While my mom and my wife have a very good relationship, I doubt my mother would have shared spanking stories with her even if she had more to tell. She didn't like the way my paternal grandmother was constantly giving her boys' wives "advice." She saw it as interference and, as a result, she has scrupulously avoided telling my wife how to parent or be a "good wife."

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    6. Thanks for the welcome, Dan. I grew up in a home where my dad worked hard to provide for our family and my mom was responsible for the kids and the household. As a result, she gave the spankings to my two sisters and me. It's fair to say that I was an active boy and got way more of them than
      my less rambunctious sisters. They made up for it though, by giving mom a tough time in their teen years!

      So I was no stranger to female authority and am happy to have a wife who will take on that role. Beth sometimes gives me a more playful hand spanking or maybe a swat with a spatula, but the hairbrush is all business and I usually am still sore the next day.

      My most recent hairbrush session is probably something that others can relate to. We were at a summer social event and I embarrassed Beth with some rude comments. This was after a few beers, but that is no excuse and I paid the price when we got home.



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  10. How did I approach her ?
    Well years ago like many of you men here, I asked her to look at the DWC club site she tried spanking me then abandoned it she thought is was weird and couldn't understand why anyone would willing to submit to a painful spanking she didn't like hurting me so she stopped shortly after stopping.

    The next 2 questions I will answer together, well as luck would have I met a FM Dd couple on an online chat room that turned out to be local to me and our son actually was a classmates there son . They offered years ago to talk with my wife I declined not knowing how she would react. Well their Son got married and we were invited , like many alcohol helped move this along . I was talking with them at the wedding away from my wife they asked how my DD relationship was going I told them not Well, they volunteered to bring up how she had spanked her husband after the rehearsal dinner for off color comments in his speech. My wife was drinking and and said oh realy my husband is naughty to maybe I should start discipling him also. His wife said to him take Dan and get us drinks we have something to discuss .
    We were to drunk to do any spanking that night in the hotel but as soon as we got home she ordered me upstairs and to bend over the bed . Since then our discipline has been frequent for what she calls transgressions.
    Danotk

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  11. I am a wife who gets disciplinary spankings occasionally and wants a full DD marriage, but my husband is reluctant and inconsistent. I face some of the same issues that many of you have faced. I know your site is disciplinedhubbies, but your introductory statement each week is gender neutral. Am I welcome here? I have not found another site that addresses DD issues so thoughtfully. Or if you know of a comparable M/f site, please refer me. I have tried some message boards and found them inane.
    Cynthia Ellen

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    1. Hi Cynthia Ellen. You're definitely welcome. There are several M/f spanking blogs around, but not many that focus on DD. A blogging friend of mine authored this one:https://ashrewtamed.blogspot.com. Unfortunately, she hasn't added to it or its successor blog in a long time. I've thought about expressly expanding mine to focus on the "bottoms," or whatever one might call them, in DD relationships, but I never had enough female visitors stop by to pursue it. But, it's kind of a "chicken and the egg" thing, right? In any event, you're welcome here. Join in any time.

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    2. Thank you, Dan. I will look at your friend's site.
      My origin story is short because DD hasn't originated in our marriage yet. My husband spanks me erotically and we both enjoy that, but it is just a few slaps that are not very hard.
      I grew up and still live in Alabama, where corporal punishment is common in the home and schools. Both of my brothers received it, but I did rarely, even when I obviously deserved it. I became fascinated by their punishments and the subject in general.
      I have a bit of that Southern belle sense of entitlement and have often let my mouth get the better of me. This has had some negative impacts in school, the workplace, and my social life. I always regret it later, and for many years have wished someone would paddle the brattiness
      right out of me!
      My husband points this issue out to me and says he has sometimes been embarrassed by my mouth. I suggested that he put me over his knee and he just laughed. I have gotten him to do it twice and it was heavenly though I needed it harder. But I showed him the effectiveness by behaving myself immediately and for weeks afterward! Yet no consistency.
      I know on here you talk all the time about communication, and I have addressed DD directly with him. The long and short of it is that he does not want to spank me. His reasons are the ones you might expect and I do not know how to counter them:
      "I don't believe in hitting women."
      "I am not your father."
      "You are an adult, not a child."
      "If you like it, it won't improve your behavior."
      "Maybe you should see a counselor about this."
      I love and respect my husband, but I know DD would improve our marriage and my life in general! Any thoughts would be much appreciated.
      Cynthia Ellen

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    3. I want to echo Dan’s welcome and hope you comment regularly. The M/F orientation seems to me the mirror image of F/M with many similar antecedents, feelings’ and problems. I think both orientations have a lot to learn from each other
      Alan

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    4. I approached my wife about it years and years ago while we were dating. Like Dan and a few others, I found the information on the DWC website and was fascinated by the idea of real punishment for real transgressions. My ex was not comfortable punishing me. When I met my wife, she being a bit older, definitely put me in line with some of the things I said to my ex. She def did not put up with what my ex would. We had already dabbled in erotic spanking as it was. After a few bottles of wine, she punished harder and longer and then we made love. I think where we struggle a bit is she knows I like to be spanked and we have used it as foreplay in the past. My first real discipline spanking from her was not shortly after I suggested some sort of DD. I told her after some drinks, that I would always bend over for her no matter what if she felt like I needed to be punished. I gotta tell you that took some encouragement on my part to say that. I along w a few others above, were soundly spanked up till my final spanking at age 13. My wife and my Mother have had brief discussions about spanking. She was spanked for major things. Her sister was spanked more often. Her initial reaction was mixed. She clearly wanted to punish but I think at times she felt a bit awkward like it was a reward. I explained the difference between erotic and punishment. This clearly meant no sex or reward afterwards. The first time we were at a group function and I was being my usual jovial self. I said a few things off color. When we left the party, my wife said you wait till tomorrow morning. I will deal w u then. She states u want a beating , I’m gonna give you one. I thought that she would wake up with a different mindset. I was wrong. I am a much early riser and I remember having knots in my stomach all morning. She yelled from upstairs to come up. She told me she was not happy with me and told me to drop my pants and bend over the bed. She looked pissed. I was worried and tried to back pedal but it didn’t work. She picked up a large wooden spoon and proceeded to roast my rear end. She then picked up my belt and strapped me severely scolding me throughout. I promised to behave of course as the punishment was severe and I was definitely not enjoying it. When she was done, she told me to get up, get dressed, and get out of her sight. This was the DWC punishment I had envisioned from my wife and exactly what I needed. I apologized later on for my actions and it was very sore sitting the next day. She should of been a bit more severe as the lesson was setting in, but for the first time, it was memorable. The next day she asked me if I wa sore. I told her of course I was. She said good, you deserved it and expect more in the future. I encouraged her then and told her I would be better behaved if I knew a good beating was coming. Like another above, we struggle with consistency. We had some surgery’s over the years for both of us and DD has been way to inconsistent. I remember one time I acted up, and I pulled implements out prior to her waking up. She put them away and states I’m not rewarding your behavior. It’s great when my wife is in that Mom zone where she wants to discipline and scold. I’m def much more attracted to her when she properly puts me in my place and of course, when she beats me.
      T

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    5. Cynthia Ellen, T. and Alan, sorry, but all your comments got swept up in the spam filter.

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    6. Thanks, Dan. I tried to post earier today but it must have gone into the ether. I did look at your friend's site, and it is interesting. I haven't got back to their origins yet.
      My origin story is short because we have no DD. My husband spanks me erotically, which we both enjoy. I have asked for disciplinary spankings to deal with my Southern belle sense of entitlement. In other words, I often let my bratty mouth get the better of me, including negative impact at home, at work, and in our social life. He did punish me twice, which was heavenly even though painful, and I tried to show him it worked by being on my best behavior for the next couple of weeks each time. But while he has not absolutely refused, he says he is not comfortable with it for all the expected reasons:
      "Males should not hit females."
      "I am not your father."
      "You are not a child."
      "You like it, so how can it be punishment?"
      "Maybe you should talk to a counselor about this."
      I love and respect my husband but I know DD would be good for my marriage and my life in general. Any suggestions are appreciated.
      Cynthia Ellen

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    7. Cynthia Ellen, unfortunately, I kind of get it. I was raised a good Southern boy (sort of. One of those states that's kind of the South, kind of the Midwest, but culturally shares a lot with the deeper South), and that "I don't believe in hitting women" thing is definitely pretty hard-wired in me. Though, in my case that wiring runs even deeper because of some early developmental experiences. I would have a very, very hard time giving a woman a real disciplinary spanking.

      That said, maybe you can just give it time? Since he spanks you erotically, do you think you could get him to do that more and, in the process of it, ask him to do it harder? Basically, push his comfort zone up a bit at a time?

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    8. Between T. and Cynthia Ellen's responses, it seems that "I don't want to reward bad behavior" is definitely a point of resistance for some spouses. It was for us. I don't know to what extent there is a way around it. For us, I emphasized during our first conversation about DD that these would be "real" spankings and highlighted that many of the spanking stories on the DWC website ended in tears.

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    9. "You like it, so how can it be punishment?"

      Hi Cynthia Ellen. That is one I don't understand. His question should be, "You like it so, as your husband, what can I do to make it good for you?" You're asking him for this, so why does it have to meet his definition of punishment? He says, "You are not a child," but he's concerned that this punishment won't be effective for you? A reasonable concern for him would be… Are you going to intentionally misbehave in order to earn a spanking? He, apparently, doesn't get the whole idea of adult DD, but if you can answer that honestly, then go from there.

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    10. Dan wrote: “It seems that "I don't want to reward bad behavior" is definitely a point of resistance for some spouses”

      It does seem to be a major stumbling block for some and its roots at least partly lie in the challenge for a non- spanko to understand how spanking someone who wants to be spanked can lead to improved behavior or just behavior that aims to avoid a spanking

      What the spanko must do is help the non spanko understand that the spanking is NOT what we really want and need. The spanking is just the price we are willing to pay to experience the exercise of authority and the imposition of accountability by someone we love and cherish. The spanking can and does motivate once the spanker has achieved credibility (usually just consistent discipline)

      The only way I know to convince a world - be spanker of this is good communication and lots of experience in trying it.. I am not ignoring the reality that some spankos are literally “gluttons for punishment” and they would drive the most committed disciplinarian to become cynical. But I doubt they are that common.

      My pain tolerance is probably about average and I know after years of consistent discipline from my wife, I try very hard to avoid a spanking while receiving enormous gratification from knowing I could and will be spanked if she decides it’s needed.

      Alan

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    11. I’m fairly new to this site myself, having discovered it only about six months ago when doing one of my periodic searches to see if DWC had restarted. So I can hardly speak with any authority, but speaking only for myself, I welcome the viewpoint from m/f as well as f/m dd practitioners. There are, as Dan said, plenty of spanking sites out there but when I was searching specifically for dd sites, almost everything I found was was religious m/f Tbh, I was horrified that this still exists. This site was the only one I found that discusses dd in a way that I can connect with and I think expanding it to m/f as well as f/m only strengthens it and, if my searches are anything to go by, provides a much more healthy forum than other m/f dd sites out there. TG

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    12. I think the way to answer all the theoretical and hypothetical about DD and spanking is to try it and see how it works for you. If a spouse uses the excuse that it's "rewarding bad behavior," without even trying it, then I think it's just another excuse to avoid the whole thing. And if your husband isn't into it, then you can't force it. My wife is not into discipline, though she enjoys being spanked for pleasure. This is one of many examples that apply to DD regardless of who in the relationship is wanting to spank or be spanked.

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    13. Cynthia Ellen,

      J and I also grappled with the "how can it be punishment if you like it" question when we transitioned from spanking as something we did in play to a domestic discipline lifestyle (in which it is used for punishment). The easy answer is one of degree and context - J spanks me longer and harder when she's disciplining me, and she does it outside of a sexual context. While I still enjoy playful spankings and find them very erotic, I am definitely NOT excited or sexually gratified by her disciplinary spankings (which are more often actually canings and paddlings, etc). (As a male, she can desexualize them for me more easily by having me climax first, which she often does, and that's less effective for women). But the severity and lack of sexualization is only part of what makes it real for us. The larger thing is that they are done as an expression of her disapproval. Just the fact that she's doing it is a message all by itself that I have screwed up. The pain and discomfort is an expression of that, which in context, makes me process it as a punishment to be avoided rather than as some kind of foreplay. I don't ever want her to discipline me for anything.

      That said, I *do* get gratification from the general fact that she disciplines me and my memory of it. It's right for me, and I feel very fortunate. So while I hate the spankings when she administers them, looking back on them much later, they contribute to a warm and comforting feeling that I'm loved and am where I belong. If I LIKED the spankings, I wouldn't get that out of them.

      I'm not inside your head, but maybe that's also what you're looking for? If so I'd suggest trying to help your husband understand that this is a deep need of yours, not just about behavior modification but something you need in order to feel safe and at home.

      K

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    14. Thank you all for the suggestions! I like Dan's idea of ramping up the erotic spanking. A couple of times during sex when he has gotten behind me he has said. "That's naughty of you, sticking your butt up in the air like that." Then he smacks it before entering me and sometires while taking me from behind. Next time he says that I am going to add, "And I was naughty when I mouthed off to you this morning." Or whatever misbehavior happened recently. Even if he says nothing, I will feel punished by the subsequent smacks. I also am going to respond to those few smacks with "I'm sorry, Sir" and "I'll be a good girl," etc. Maybe that will eventually lead to discipline sessions like I need, where it is more punishment than erotic. Thanks all!!!
      Cynthia Ellen

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  12. It did not go well. Ha, that this the understatement of the year.
    Over a decade ago, I showed my wife the DWC site without much reaction from her. She told me that she read it, and that was the extent of her comments. We had played around with playful bedroom spankings.
    Three years ago, I was working out of state for my job, and getting ready for retirement, so I sent her an email expressing my desire for a DWC household.
    When I called her that evening, she exploded saying that if I want that, she wants a divorce. We’d been married 40 years by this point. She said that she would never spank me again, and she hasn’t.
    This caused irreparable harm to our relationship.
    I will never share anything personal with her, again.
    I’d divorce, but I can’t afford it. We’re retired, and we have an adequate income together, but we would not have a good lifestyle if we were separated trying to support two households.

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    1. Thanks, Anonymous. I have a multi-layered reaction to this. First, I've always believed that if I had brought DD to my wife's attention and she had not been interested, I would have been OK with that. Same with if she suddenly decided she was no longer interested. I get that for some people it is a very strong fetish and there is no way they could be in a relationship without it. That's not me. I see DD as ONE part of my marriage, not the end all and be all of it.

      Second, that said, your wife's way of rejecting it was totally out of line in the context of a 40 year marriage. "I will never share anything personal with her, again." I get that and don't blame you a bit for having that reaction. I would, too. Even though she's in her 60s or 70s (I assume, based on the 40-year marriage), it sounds like she has some profound maturity issues.

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  13. To the comment above. I truly feel sorry for you. It’s too bad that your wife would want to divorce you over a DD lifestyle. She has already spanked you in the past. If you can’t tell your wife of 40 years anything, who could you tell. I remember it took a lot of encouragement to tell my wife how I felt and we had only been dating for a few years. Hopefully you will find peace down the road.
    T

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  14. It really was a long process for us. She new for a long time that I was intong her and she allowed a little play with sex but she made it clear she was not into it. One day we had a real fight over something stupid. I stomped off and spun the tires racing down the driveway to calm down. When I came home I tried to explain and rationalize my behavior but she didn't buy it. She was giving me the cold shoulder when I would not stop she started to cry. Which angered me I finally said I don't agree with you but if I'm wrong why don't you just spank me. I was soon over her knee and she was taking her anger out on me. When she realized what she was doing she pushed me off her lap and ordered me out of the room so she could calm down. It was a long time before we had another argument but when we did I asked her to spank me and she did. A few days later I found the Dwc wesite and showed it to her and told her I wanted her to settle our disagreements the Dwc way. She has been in charge ever since

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  15. I've noted that several of us mentioned the DWC in our accounts and TG wrote above >"I’m fairly new to this site myself, having discovered it only about six months ago when doing one of my periodic searches to see if DWC had restarted."<

    I am certain that we all know that Aunt Kay passed a few years back, And I am sure we are all appreciative that she and her husband, Tomy, arranged for the site to remain online in "archive mode" for the benefit of the "DWC community".

    If the right situation could be found, it still might be possible that Tomy could turn over the keys so it could be updated and "reactivated" one day. We can hope. However - in the meantime, if any one site on the Net could be said to be carrying on the work of the DWC, it would have to this very site - "The Disciplinary Couples Club" - and kudos to Dan and the regular contributors for creating this environment - where the DWC is regularly acknowledged and "DWC style" conversations continues on a consistent basis.

    I became acquainted with Aunt Kay by email and phone many years ago when my wife and I were members of her private DWC Yahoo group, and I believe Dan did as well in later years. I feel certain that she would be quite pleased that the DWC continues here "in spirit". --al

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    1. Thanks, al. I have talked to Tomy about taking over the DWC website, because apparently before she died Aunt Kay told him that she saw me as a possible successor. I've been willing to do it, though it would probably mean simply preserving it "as is." I don't have the technical knowledge to do much more than that with it. And, I'm not sure I'd want to, honestly. The website made a huge difference in my life, and if I were to take it over, I think it would feel weird to me to change it anyway.

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    2. Completely agree with Al. Kudos to Dan for this site. TG

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  16. Alan wrote earlier: >"In real life, this doesn’t happen often if ever -although I can imagine the daughter of a spanking wife herself becoming a disciplinarian in adult life."

    I think this is an interesting topic in itself. In large part, a daughter of a DWC wife growing up to become a DWC wife would probably depend on whether the daughter learned along the way that Mom was soundly spanking Dad on occasion. If she did, and came to accept it as a normal, valid lifestyle, she might indeed be so inclined. But, if she didn't know - would she be more likely to become a DWC wife? Probably not as much - but still, she still will have seen a take charge Mom who kept Dad in line - and will likely have seen Dad be more deferential and respectful to his wife than most of her friends' dads. And that could factor it later - even without a direct spanking connection.

    I don't *think* our kids ever found out that we were a disciplinary couple. But one never knows what the kids might have accidentally witnessed over several years time. The closest call that I *know* about was one evening just a year or so into our DWC lifestyle. One evening at bedtime Susan had determined that I had earned a spanking. However, the kids were home and in bed on a school night so noise was an issue. So, she had me go out and cut a switch for her (this had become a fairly regular practice during our first DWC year due to the kids). Well, the switch broke well before she was satisfied that I had learned my lesson, so when switch broke, she uttered one swear word, and grabbed a hair brush off the night stand and gave me another 50 or so with that, seemingly with no concern about whether the kids might have heard of not. When she was done with me, I immediately snuck down the hall to check on the kids - and was much relieved that they appeared to both be sound asleep. I am *almost* certain that they were asleep and not faking - parents can usually tell - but there is always that possibility.

    I do know that my now adult daughter was into kink/spanking during her college years and was a bottom. I didn't mean to snoop but I encountered proof positive evidence inadvertently. Obviously I never mentioned it. I'm not sure how much longer that she remained in the kink scene - but I do know that just within the last five years or so she made a comment in front of me that made it obvious that she was still into it - or at least aware of it. But neither of my kids has even given any indication at all that they knew or suspected we were a disciplinary couple. --al

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    1. Why not offer to tell your adult children about your DD now so they can benefit from your wisdom? Such as: "Couples that last find various ways to stay together, some of them unusual. But as you know, half of married couples don't find a way. If you are interested in how your parents made it this long and you have an open mind, we would be glad to share our secrets to happiness. Or not. Up to you."

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    2. >Why not offer to tell your adult children about your DD now so they can benefit from your wisdom<

      Interesting thought, but I doubt that either my wife or I would ever be comfortable doing that. Even grown, they are still our kids, and it would seem "weird" to have that discussion with them. This is most likely a cultural taboo, but certainly an engrained one.

      Although I do know of several cases where "kids" who have reached their forties begin to have very frank discussions about sex with their parents in their sixties or seventies. Interestingly this if often the same age range that long term couples may become comfortable enough to transition to a disciplinary marriage.

      Anyone here think they could ever have that discussion with their grown kids?

      --al

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    3. --al wrote: “anyone here think they could ever have that discussion with their grown kids? “

      These are the “grown kids you are liable to be talking to about spanking:

      In their teens they wonder if their parents ever had sex, by their 20’s, they figure they did, but only a couple of times, by their 30’s, they suspect those strange noises they heard almost every night probably were what they thought they were, by their 40’s they wonder if their parents could possibly ever have gotten into the weird things they are into, and by their 50’s, they are dammed certain their parents were there before they themselves even found out the whole stork thing was a hoax.

      So they definitely aren’t ready to hear it in their teens, probably are not ready in their 20’s,probably are ready to hear it by their 30’s, definitely are ready to hear it by their 40’s and have already heard it by their 50’s
      Alan

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    4. "Anyone here think they could ever have that discussion with their grown kids?"

      It's an interesting question, and one with a lot of nuances in our family. I've always been a little surprised that my wife has *not* shared it, particularly with one our daughters, since they already seem to share virtually everything. One complication, however, is I see that daughter as being the most like me in personality. Hence, if she was in a DD relationship, I'm pretty sure she would be in the "bottom" role. And, honestly, I do feel like she's the type who might get something out of it, for many of the same reasons I do.

      Our other kid is harder to read on those sorts of things. I could see her being a disciplinarian, though probably of the "all business" variety. Her significant other is a lot like me, though he is more of a "mama's boy" than I ever was, and we've all noticed a dynamic in his family that his mom seems to be put on a pedestal. I don't doubt that the two of them might fit into a F/m oriented relationship, but I'm not sure whether they would ever come to that kind of arrangement on their own without it first being brought to their attention in some way. Though, I'm not saying it's not possible the could be into it or gravitate toward it on their own. I've always assumed that many people I know could be far kinkier than they appear, and I certainly am not naive enough to think my own kids are somehow exceptions.

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    5. Dan writes: “I don't doubt that the two of them might fit into an F/m oriented relationship, but I'm not sure whether they would ever come to that kind of arrangement on their own without it first being brought to their attention in some way.”
      This comment probably covers most folks, even deeply oriented spankos, who have to figure it out for themselves, as indeed we all do respecting our sexuality. But it made me reflect on how little the internet has probably changed that.
      Yes, blogs like yours and a few others can provide vital support and information. And the internet has made many more comfortable with who they are and what they want.
      But I would compare it to google or even the simple process of looking up the spelling or meaning of a word. Until I know I want the information and that it exists I am unlikely to seek it out. The internet has made information all but ubiquitous but it is mostly push –pull. Information

      If you really don’t want or need it, it’s probably going to be pushed to you by someone with an agenda; if you really do want or need it, you will have to pull it out of the morass of what I am calling the “malmatter” that litters up the net.
      This does leave the question of how much we share and when very hard to answer, I do think of Danielle’s post describing how her adult son found out she spanked his father and how anticlimactic that turned out to be. I wonder if something like that doesn’t happen often when we are sharing “news” with friends or family.
      Alan

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  17. Like another writer on this blog, I was married to a woman that really didn't get F/M spanking and never would. She knew I had this need, and went along with me going to a professional, but she judged me for it. It satisfyed my desire to be spanked, but was ultimately not really that satisfying for me. Looking back on it, we might still be together if she could have been more accepting of who I really was, but she wasn't. Eventually we split up, and I started dating another lady, who had never been into spanking. At this time I was in my 70s, and realized that this was a fundamental need I had, so I took her to witness a professional giving me a real spanking. If she was repulsed by it, I figured we would eventually hit a wall. Happily, she was curious, and now she has become an avid spanker. Her main motivation is mostly supporting the relationship and giving me what I need. However, there have been some surprising benefits for her, such as getting my help with house work and having the authority to end an argument with me over her lap. Now, we are both much happier than we have ever been before. When you reach this age, it's increasingly obvious to you that your time is short, so it's a good idea to do what you really want to do now. To Cynthia Ellen and other folks in a relationship with somebody that doesn't get it, or is too judgmental to accept it, my hope for you is that your partner loves you enough to take your needs seriously. In this one segment of the blog alone, there are many examples of how very important this is, and how much it has improved relationships.

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    1. I do think my husband takes my needs seriously and I don't think he is too judgmental. I think I need to be patient and keep trying. We are relatively young, still in our 30s, and married less than 10 years. It seems like many of you were older than that when your DD developed, right? He has some issues to work through to become a disciplinary husband, and I must be patient with him. It's just hard to be patient when you really need a punishment spanking!
      Cynthia Ellen

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    2. Hi Cynthia Ellen and welcome to the Group! As I've shared in my story on various occasions, my wife took to giving me disciplinary spankings like a fish to water (20 years ago now - it was one of the Great Surprises of my life as I had always judged her as straight vanilla, even after the first 20 years of marriage).

      Once (before we were married) with an older woman that I had a fling with and a couple of times since we were married when we attended a kink party a few years back (anonymously, and several hundred miles from our home town) - I've had the opportunity to be the top and spank a woman. It wasn't natural for me at all. While I certainly enjoyed the sight of a woman's luscious bare rear in front of me, giving the spanking was actually a bit uncomfortable for me and I recall that I really was not able to spank very hard at all - concerned about inflicting too much pain. It just sort of "went against my grain" - perhaps from growing up in the Deep South where one "never hit a lady".

      I share this with you because it occurred to me that perhaps your husband may have some similar reservation about hitting a lady too hard (harder than playful swats in an erotic spanking) and causing too much pain. It might be something to explore with him and if so, to help him work through his concerns and reservations.

      I do believe that I could work through my reservations and give a disciplinary spanking if my partner truly desired that it but it would require some effort. In my case it would help that I would truly understand the "need" to be physically disciplined - although this situation will never arise with my wife since she made it very clear at the start that this was a one way street for us and she would be one doing the spanking (other than occasional erotic swats of course).

      Again, welcome. --al

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    3. al,
      My husband and I both grew up in the South and I am sure that has something to do with his belief that a man should never hit a lady. An adult female, that is, because in the South a lot of corporal punishment goes on, including of girls. It's also a part of the country where husbands are supposed to be in control of their wives. Seems perfect for DD, but I don't know a single couple that practices it.
      Cynthia Ellen

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  18. I gotta disagree with anonymous above. I’m not sure I would want my adult children to find out about our DD. As in Alana’s case and his daughter, the way our brains are hard wired are definitely much different than others. I think that my infatuation with spanking started out very young around age 8. I was spanked bare bottom till 13. As I became older in the age of 16-18, I couldn’t think of anything but that while pleasuring myself. This includes a memory which has never faded. A very strict religious family lived across the street from us. She had three daughters. Unlike my Mother, who closed the windows, this women spanked with the windows open. Many a days, I heard a thrashing going on and the girls crying. I delivered newspapers, and one day as I was walking to collect, curiosity killed the cat, and I peeked in to see a good bare bottom spanking delivered to this girl. Obviously, I should not have peeked in but I did and that vision has remained in my head ever since. I’m torn in some way because, although my desire for DD is strong and can clearly be attributed to being spanked growing up; I do wonder sometimes what it would be if I was not hard wired this way. My relationship has clearly benefited in some way w DD. I worry about the ramifications of the young mind when it comes to spanking. My sibling was spanked and has no desire to even erotically be spanked (ie drunk over some wine talk). My sibling was much more stubborn and thick headed. He thinks to this day we were abused. We clearly were not and we’re much loved. Actions have consequences my Mother would say. As for Alan’s daughter, I’m not sure how I would feel about my daughter being in that lifestyle. Im not judging, I just wonder what it would be like to live without such a strong fetish. I recently found out my best friend was having a texting affair w a women and was caught by his wife. I felt bad for my friend but at the same time, I wondered if his wife had beat him properly when he was out of line before, that would never of happened. I have such respect for my wife. Although our DD is not like others and is still a work in progress, I always continue to communicate to her about DD. She found out about the text, and my response was I would never do that because you would whip me till I couldn’t sit for a month. Her response was you bet your ass I would. I do feel much closer to my wife after a thrashing. I feel much more respectful and in line with her needs not just mine.
    T

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    1. Thanks, T. This is a really thoughtful response, exploring a lot of ground. You and I got here from almost opposite directions, with you being infatuated with spanking from an early age, while I don't recall any interest in it before I was in my late 30s.
      We had those opposite starts even though, like you, spankings were incredibly prevalent where and when I grew up, and I witnessed several and knew about many others as they were happening. I also get how you and your sibling could have such different reactions, and even different memories.

      Like you, I also have a friend whose behavior got pretty out of hand, including (I suspect, though don't know for sure) multiple affairs. I sometimes wonder if I would have been a better friend had I found some way to suggest to his wife that she blister his ass. I didn't know her nearly as well as him, but perhaps I could have found some way to do it anonymously. Or, what if I had been more honest, telling him directly that I was in a DD relationship? At the time, my excuse was he didn't seem the type that would be into it and might be judgmental about it. But, honestly, who knows? It was probably more about my own cowardice.

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  19. Hi Cynthia Ellen. Every writer on this blog can relate to how you feel, and it can be a difficult challenge. Many of us are older folks that have been slow to realize we actually needed disciplinary spankings, so if you know that this as a real need you have at your age, that is a good thing. Looking back, it's obvious I would have had a happier life if I had been "taken in hand" many years ago. We are all extremely grateful to our partners for finally giving us what we need. It is far more acceptable for men to spank women, so at least you have that advantage. Most of us guys have had a very difficult time telling our partner that we needed them to provide boundaries and discipline, as guys are supposed to be macho and in charge. Maybe you could let your husband know how spanking you may benefit him, as well as how it might help the relationship in general. If you truly crave discipline, that need will probably never go away. Please continue to share your journey with us. Good luck!

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    1. Thank you, Norton. I need these words of encouragement!
      Cynthia Ellen

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  20. Hi all. Sorry to be late to the party again, but I have been camping for a bit with no internet or cell service. So origin here was a bit different. Here are my responses to the questions:
    How did it start? Well, I had much experience as I had recently left a full time FLR with my second wife, so I knew exactly what it was like and what I wanted. After we met and dated a few times and knew it was getting serious, I just leveled with her. Told her of my past and how I wanted to live in a relationship like I had prior. No working up the courage, I simply told her what king of relationship I had in mind. She was very vanilla, but had dominant tendencies being a school teacher. She reacted in a very adult manner and we discussed everything. She had spanked children before, but never an adult. She said she was willing to give it a try. We tried to iron out everything beforehand, drafted an agreement and a list of punishable offenses, a chore list for me, household and behavior rules.

    When was the first spanking? Actually, seconds into our official start. We agreed to begin when I moved in. When I carried in the last box of my stuff, she came to me and flatly stated.... "if we are doing this, we are doing it right. Take off all your clothes, you're getting spanked right now to start things off". She spanked me long and hard, scooped up my clothing and our FLR with DD household was underway.

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    1. I always marvel at how smooth and drama-free your transition was.

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  21. If this is an inappropriate post, please remove it. It has nothing to do with the current conversation but is more a suggestion for a future topic. I guess it could be summarized as “I know myself but I don’t understand myself.” I’d be interested to know if others have similar thoughts. First, some context: we’ve been in this DD lifestyle a long time - twenty years plus - and if I’m honest, I don’t receive discipline as often as I feel I should. Firstly I don’t understand craving that, as it is genuinely a painful experience. Certainly there is the element of washing away any feelings of guilt over whatever it was that I did, plus making her feel better by getting the anger out of her system, but that doesn’t explain it all. Anyway, a few weeks ago she told me to come to the room she was in and bring the cane, I had no idea why but did as I was told. Turned out yet there was a fairly small thing that I had been reminded to do many times and had forgotten once too often, and this time was caned for it. Of course (1) I was happy to take the punishment and (2) it was very painful and certainly not in any way pleasant at the time. So here’s my confusion, firstly let me say that I would never intentionally do anything that would get me disciplined - I think that would come under the heading of disappointing her to a much greater extent and would be out of the question for me. However I have not repeated this small transgression a single time in the last few weeks, even though I have had plenty of opportunities to do so and it wouldn’t look deliberate if I did. So the punishment really worked. I can’t reconcile my craving for discipline with the pain of actually getting it with my absolute reluctance deliberately to do even a small thing to earn it. Is this just me being even more weird than others, or do others have similar confusions ? TG

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    1. TG, I'll post this question as the post for the upcoming week.

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  22. Our beginning was very innocent. We were engaged and the wedding was coming. While planning our wedding night my future wife suggested she would like it to be special and long looked forward. She suggested 1month of celibacy. Just petting, kissing,cuddling - but no pe etrati e, oral or hand. Simply no orgasms. But what would be the tool toenforce it? For it I recommended spanking and she agreed. Bkth of us received few during this month. She was using belt on me, I prefered to spank her by hand. Something like a year later I've shown hew DWC site and said that I like the concept of doing spanking not only as a part of sex play, and so we've entered the flr pathway.

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