"If you don't ask, the answer is always no." -- Nora Roberts
Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club. Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.
I hope you all had a great week. Mine was pretty good, though when I said last week that I felt like I was turning a corner where some disappointing behavior was concerned, it proved to be a little too optimistic. I got one spanking a few days ago and earned another yesterday.
I did manage to be fairly productive last week, at least by my standards. Unfortunately, a few days of devoting myself to a home improvement project put me behind on getting out a blog post. I did still want to get one out this week, though I’m cheating a little to make it happen. The below is taken more or less verbatim from a post from about three years ago. It’s on origins. Although we do those fairly frequently, we have a few new commenters and this may be a way to get to know them better. Hopefully the topic won’t strike longer-term commenters as too repetitive.
I always enjoy hearing how others got into this thing we do, because I still maintain that it is not a very common lifestyle and getting into it displays the kind of openness, courage, and mutual support that couples should be proud to share, encouraging others to ask for what they want and to be open to giving it even if it seems a little weird at first.
Let’s get right to the questions for the groups.
For the husbands who initiated DD:
- How exactly did you approach your wife/partner?
- What did you say?
- How did you work up the courage? How long did it take you?
- And what was her initial reaction? Did it change over time?
- After the initial conversation, how long was it until your first real spanking? Was it all you expected it to be?
For the wives:
- Who initiated the DD relationship, you or him?
- If he approached you with the idea, what was your reaction? If you initiated, how did he react?
- How long was it between your initial conversation and his first spanking?
- What was that first spanking like? How did you feel?
I am not going to go into my own origin story in detail, as I’ve told it here repeatedly, but here are my responses to the specific questions.
Here are my responses:
How did I approach her? I did it after I found the DWC website and spent a weekend devouring it. We were in bed, with the lights off, and I told her in general terms what the website was about. I'm not sure I could have done it any other way, except maybe by email, because I was so embarrassed by the whole thing.
What exactly did I say? A lot. Much of it centered on how this was not kink, or not just kink but, rather, about giving her real power to dole out real punishment for real offenses. I also told her that the spankings were so real that the expectation was the husband would end up crying. That one turned out to be more fantasy than reality, but I do remember making that point to her, because I was trying to show that I was not suggesting a continuation of the short stint of erotic play-acting that we had tried in the past and that she felt was actually encouraging bad behavior.
How did I work up the courage? Well, I really felt like I didn't have much choice. After I read the stories and other content on the DWC website, I was so overwhelmed by the whole thing that I couldn't think of anything else. It was front and center in my mind all day and all night. I really couldn't NOT tell her about it. It was truly an obsessive kind of thing, and as far as I can recall, the first time I had experienced anything like that. I was aroused and scared at the same time. And, to be clear, not scared that she wouldn't do it. Scared that she would. Yet, here I was asking for it. It was all very paradoxical and perplexing, but the whole idea of it resonated so strongly for me that I had no real choice but to at least tell her about it and let the chips fall where they may.
How long did it take before the first spanking? I think it was only one day. Definitely no more than two.
What was her initial reaction? She didn't say very much the night I raised the subject with her. She listened without saying very much. When I was through talking, she said she would check out the DWC website, and that was about it. I would characterize her attitude as puzzled, curious, and noncommittal. I recall going to sleep even more wired and on edge, because I had no idea what to expect. Honestly, I thought the most likely scenario was she wouldn't follow up at all, or she would reject the idea as just more erotic spanking with the potential to encourage even more bad behavior. However, she called me at work the next day. (She said she had looked at the website. Her only initial comment was, "Very interesting." She then said that if I was serious about it, I should go shopping for an appropriate hairbrush.
How long until the first spanking? She gave me my first spanking that same night.
Was it all that I expected? In a word, no. We had so little experience with this, I don’t think either of us had any understanding of how hard is hard. It took more experimentation with serious tools, including a wooden "fraternity"-style paddle, before it became very real. I still recall the first time it really hit home that I might have asked for more than I had bargained for. We had instituted a system of assigning points to each type of offense, with each point representing one swat with the paddle. While my spankings up to that point had averaged between 10 - 25 swats, I had an exceptionally bad week, and I gulped when I realized it added up to 60. She had never given me anything close to that before. I said something about not being sure I could take that many, and without skipping a beat she told me that I was going to take that many and that if I hadn't wanted that many then I should have behaved better.
So, tell us all about your own origin story.
I hope you all have a great week.