Tuesday, November 9, 2021

The Club - Meeting 388 - Really Not Wanting One

"It is wrong and immoral to seek to escape the consequences of one's acts." ― Mahatma Gandhi

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships.

 

I hope you had a good week.  Ours seemed to be a little better than the week before, which may be the best we can hope for after a couple of months that were just exceptionally hard.

 

This was one of those weeks where I’m reminded that the more things change, the more they stay the same.  It’s true on the national front.*

 

  

And also on the personal.  I’ve been pretty proud at how much some things have improved over the last year. My physical health, strength and stamina are way up as compared to a year ago.  My stress level is down.  It hasn’t been a super productive year, but that’s part of the process – learning to slow down and smell the roses more often.  Generally, it’s been a good trip and a good destination. Yet . . . every once in a while, old habits get the better of me.  It happened over the weekend, and Anne and I ended up in a very unnecessary tiff.  About two years ago, we had a similar incident in which she tried to yank on the reins and it led not to compliance but, rather, to resentment and even some questioning on my part about whether the whole DD and FLR thing is for me at this point in life.

 

Deep in my heart, I know it’s a fairly pointless question that pops into my mind when, and only when, I’m getting more or less exactly what I’ve asked for.  It’s also a now well-worn path that whenever I think that my behavior and attitude have improved enough that maybe I just don’t need DD  anymore, something happens that demonstrates beyond any real doubt that my efforts at self-imposing boundaries just aren’t lasting enough and require some external buttressing. 

  

Though, there is one big difference between this time and the previous incident I’m thinking of, which I told this group about, here: https://disciplinedhubbies.blogspot.com/2019/06/the-club-meeting-299-be-careful-what.html.  Last time, my angst was really about the FLR aspect of our relationship, i.e. being controlled in a preventative way.  Not about the discipline/spanking side of the relationship, i.e. being punished after the fact.  This time, it’s different, and I’m not entirely sure why.

 

 

It’s not at all unusual for any of us to want to avoid a hard spanking once we’ve earned one, but for some reason this time I really wanted to avoid it.  I kept hoping that somehow it wouldn’t happen, even though I suspected it would.

 

 

It’s not like I haven’t been spanked before, hard and relatively often over the years.  Yet, this time I didn’t just want to avoid one; I had a real aversion to it.  I can’t quite put my finger on what was different this time, but I think maybe it has to do with already feeling real regret about the behavior. Most of the time, after I know I’ve stepped out of line, I regret the bad behavior, but it’s a relatively mild regret.  Kind of like punishing yourself for breaking a diet by running some extra miles the next day. It’s not pleasant, but it’s part of the self-discipline process.  This time, I think my own sense of regret and genuine remorse is strong enough that I really don’t need the external correction. It feels unnecessary.  Superfluous.

 

I think another thing feeding the aversion is the lack of any erotic desire for it.  ZM, Alan and others have talked about how the erotic element of the spanking need feeds the disciplinary aspect of their relationships. The need for discipline is very real.  Not just a kink, yet the energy of the kink does somehow make the discipline not only tolerable but desirable. This time, I really do feel sorry about my behavior, and the externally imposed consequences aren’t feeding any kind of erotic impulse.  But, of course, my feelings regarding the relevance of my remorse aren’t the only ones that count.

 

 

So, does this boil down to just wanting to avoid the natural and foreseeable consequences of some bad behavior? It doesn’t really feel that way. It feels more complicated than that, including a genuine feeling that unlike last time, Anne sort of did encourage some of what lead to behavior that got excessive later. 

 

Have a great week.

 *Note, I liked the first meme in this post because of the captioning that seems pretty dead-on to me regarding much of the faux outrage of teaching the history of race and racial relations in our public school. But, most may not realize that the subsequent history of that picture is also a tale of redemption and growth. A few years ago, I got curious about whether there was any publicly known history on the white woman in the picture who has such a look of hatred on her face.  I actually found an article about her and how she was raised in an extremely racist family, but she later repented and reformed, and she's talked about how much it pains her that she will forever be associated with that face of hatred.  So, not all history that is uncomfortable is inherently divisive, and people often shouldn't be judged by the worst thing they've ever done.

44 comments:

  1. I too have reached the point when the erotic value of being spanked often isn't there. As a result, I also feel that my knowledge of my transgression is enough to reduce the chance of recurrence. However, why did I do it at all if that were true? Intellectually, I know that if I'm not spanked I will most likely screw up more often. Yet, I'm an adult and should be able to regulate myself. Conflicts!

    Punishment has a much more significant role to play in our lives. It reminds us how deeply we love one another. My wife won't avoid me if I upset her. She will punish me and help correct my bad behavior. That is a very positive approach to a marriage, I think.

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    1. "As a result, I also feel that my knowledge of my transgression is enough to reduce the chance of recurrence. However, why did I do it at all if that were true?" That's my issue in a nutshell. Sometimes I fool myself into thinking I can manage myself without external guardrails, but every time I end up proving myself wrong.

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    2. Caged Lion, I particularly agree regarding the second paragraph. The part about not avoiding me if I upset her is particularly important. One of the main reasons I am keen to recommend spanking to others is that the issue can be dealt with there and then and then a line drawn underneath it. This means a wife has no reason to avoid or cold-shoulder her husband. I know not all couples here favour this, but love is a reason that we also view it as desirable for spankings to be prior to making love: I can express my love for her knowing that she has fully dealt with whatever issues there were.

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    3. Hi Dan,
      "Sometimes I fool myself into thinking I can manage myself without external guardrails, but every time I end up proving myself wrong." - I too have this problem, because normally I can manage myself just fine on my own, until I can't. Which is pretty much the way real guardrails work, when you think about it. We drive all the time without using guardrails at all because normally we are in control of the vehicle. But then occasionally something happens, either due to inattention, careless, or miscalculation on our part or something beyond our direct control, such as mistakes by others, or environmental factors, and suddenly the reason those guardrails exist becomes crystal clear.

      And Hugh, fully agree on the huge benefit of DD providing a clean slate. A hot bottom is painful for the recipient but good for the relationship, where a could shoulder always weakens the relationship and the damage inflicted can las a long time or even permanently.

      -ZM

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    4. "Normally I can manage myself just fine on my own, until I can't." Exactly.

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  2. I think husband mostly wants to avoid the consequences. Yes, he's genuinely apologetic for displeasing me,and he's willing to do other things to try to make it up to me and he'd rather do almost anything else besides get dressed up and get across my lap. He does almost anything to try and avoid a Disciplinary Session, even though has has to know by now that once I have decreed it, it's going to happen. That still doesn't seem to stop him from trying to avoid it. He doesn't want to get spanked. He only submits to it because it pleases me.

    Some of the posts here have mentioned the erotic part and there is an erotic element to Discipline for both me and husband. Even husband admits that. Still, husband says there are other ways to enjoy eroticism besides dressing him up and putting him across my lap,

    We're approaching our annual holiday hiatus. Husband knows he's been scheduled for a Disciplinary Session this Friday and best friend and another lady will be witnessing. He's doing his usual to try to get me to change my mind, but that's not happening, both for the Session and the witnesses. I'm also going to be looking for a reason to schedule on for the Friday or Saturday after, since holiday hiatus starts the Monday after that. No more Discipline until about a week after Valentine's Day, 2022.

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    1. Holiday hiatus for us would be a bad idea. It's during the holidays that I'm most likely to screw up.

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    2. Husband says he needs a long break from it, so every year I've agreed to it. The holidays just seem to be the best time for us. My two pet peeves are his mouth and pornography. What's funny is even before I introduced DD into our relationship, he looked at a lot less pornography over the holidays. He will look at it over the holidays, but still keeps it to even less than he used to. We agreed he can't be disciplined for anything he does during our hiatus. He still does expect the last couple of sessions before the holidays and the first couple after to be more severe than usual.

      He got a very severe Disciplinary Session last night in front of two witnesses, one was best friend. They made more humbling comments than usual, since they know they won't get another chance until Feb., 2022. Husband does take advantage of the holiday hiatus to tell best friend just what he thinks of her, but he doesn't go looking for it. He does it only when she provokes him, which she does a lot.

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    3. Hi Miss Cecilia,
      The holidays have traditionally been the time of year I get in trouble more often, so the idea of a hiatus during them seems like a “get out of jail free” card to me. We have had spanking free zones when one or both of us needed one. But they were times she didn’t spank but DD was still in effect. So I still had the boundaries and consequences but knew a spanking was not imminent. But these periods are never longer than a couple of weeks and she can declare one to be over at will. And they don’t happen at any particular time but more when family demands or visitors make them practical.
      Do you find these times of hiatus work well in your overall DD relationship or does his behavior regress when the discipline is absent? I am almost sure I would not handle it well, especially over a holiday and frankly fear we would lose ground that my bum would end up paying for.
      Alan

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    4. Hi Miss Cecilia,
      We could probably get by just fine without DD for behavior issues during the holidays, because I am spanked so seldom for actual misbehavior. I am mostly punished for attitude (which is still pretty seldom), and mostly for not achieving my goals for our weekly check-ins. Attitude is probably less of an issue during the holidays, because I am generally much more upbeat and positive, since I love the holiday season.

      However, the holidays are probably the most challenging time of the year when it comes to diet and exercise. Like last year, we took a break for about 3-4 weeks for the check-ins, and it took me two full months to get my weight back below where it was before the hiatus. This year, the plan is that for the actual holiday weeks (not the whole season, but only the weeks of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year), we will continue to have check-ins and I will continue to log my weight daily, but I will not be expected to lose anything during those weeks, just to not gain.

      As far as the punishment session in front of two witnesses, it certainly got my mind going. My wife has been visiting her sister in another country in Europe for the past 3 weeks. The day before leaving, she told one of her close friends here absolutely everything, as I wrote here before. While visiting her sister, my wife also told her sister all about our DD relationship. And her sister and my wife's close friend have been best friends since childhood.

      Apparently, my wife's sister is going to come here for a visit sometime in the next several weeks because it just worked out that it was the only time she can come. I will of course see her, which will itself be a bit strange knowing that she has full knowledge of everything. But it is also reasonably likely that I will also see the close friend during the sister's visit, since they are inseparable whenever circumstances allow. So I am not thinking of having two witnesses, since that is probably a long way off if ever, but rather I am thinking of how it will feel if I am sitting in a room with my wife, her sister, and their mutual friend, and everyone in the room knows that my wife spanks me for real.

      -ZM

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    5. ZM, I sort of envy you the mental/emotional stimulation involved in sitting there wondering what her friend and sister are thinking about regarding your spanking status. Regarding the holidays, it really is depressing how long it takes to recover from a diet fail. Last year we went to an all-inclusive result for a week and I instantly gained 10 pounds. It took several weeks of dedicated diet and exercise just to get back to my pre-vacation weight. Yet, I also hate depriving myself this time of year. Socializing is such an important part of the season, and the food at those family and social events is so fucking good! Pumpkin pie is the one and only thing I really like about Thanksgiving, and I absolutely cannot resist Christmas cookies slathered with frosting.

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  3. Hi Dan,
    I am not sure exactly what to say about my erotic desire for spanking. Is spanking erotic to me? Certainly images of others being spanked are, and any thoughts of spanking are. Yet, when it comes time for a real punishment I pretty much always find myself about where you were describing, where you REALLY don't want it to happen. I think that maybe a major reason it is that way for me is that it is not so much the spanking itself that is a turn-on for me, but rather as Alan called it, the exercise of female authority. And spanking is just the supreme manifestation of that authority.

    So even when I see images involving spanking, it is not so much the spanking that turns me on, but rather the power exchange in the whole scene that allows that unwanted spanking to occur. And it scales pretty well in my mind, so a harder spanking equates more power imbalance being expressed, and therefore it is more of a turn-on. That probably is why I almost always prefer spanking images (and especially captions I must admit) to spanking videos. As long as it is images, I can pretty well imagine the whole scene and the power exchange, but when it is a video, inevitably even if the spanking is authentic, the power exchange feels fake, probably partly due to poor acting and partly because no reality can keep up with my over-active imagination!

    "This time, I think my own sense of regret and genuine remorse is strong enough that I really don’t need the external correction. It feels unnecessary. Superfluous." - I have experienced this exact feeling at least a couple of times. In each case, we had so thoroughly talked through something that it just basically felt resolved, and so then having a spanking result from it just felt fundamentally wrong.

    And Caged,
    I really liked your "punishment has a much more significant role to play in our lives. It reminds us how deeply we love one another." Even though both my wife and I are admittedly into the whole power exchange aspect of DD, it is our love for each other that is the primary motivator. She does this more than anything because she loves me, and by acting as my disciplinarian, she not only fulfills my deepest fantasies, but helps me to achieve my own goals and ambitions. And when I submit to her authority, my itch for this kink gets itched even as I get to tangibly improve our lives and strengthen our relationship.

    -ZM

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    1. "In each case, we had so thoroughly talked through something that it just basically felt resolved, and so then having a spanking result from it just felt fundamentally wrong." That's exactly how this resistance feels, though I also know deep inside that feeling bad about something doesn't really address things the way a spanking does.

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  4. Hi Dan,
    Obviously I don’t know specifically what is causing your current attitude about being spanked. But speaking personally I am now some distance from being interested in or motivated in any way by the prospect of experiencing physical discipline without the emotional connection and the exercise of real authority. It is much more bound up in what Danielle has referred to as the erotization of a female exercising her authority –and not just any female, but one whom with I am in a committed relationship. I don’t completely understand the dynamic but I know my wife exercising disciplinary authority allows me to go deeper and realize a deeper intimacy with her than does anything else and that includes mind blowing sex.
    It is unlikely to happen but if my wife decided tomorrow that all future spankings will be hand spankings, I think I would remain a well-disciplined husband as long as the hand spankings were accompanied with a use of real authority. It was not always that way and for almost all my spanking life until recently I needed to be spanked long and hard to make an impact. What has changed and maybe for you too, there is now absolutely no doubt that my wife will do whatever it takes to guarantee my obedience and her behavioral expectations. So paradoxically she probably doesn’t need to if she chooses
    Alan

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    1. Thanks, Alan. As I've wrestled with this for several days, I'm starting to think that this reaction is a one-off, and maybe physically based. I've felt abnormally anxious and on edge all week. I suspect the combination of excessive behavior and poor sleep may have zapped my hormones or neurotransmitters. I had something kind of similar happen last year as a result of some dietary changes. After a while, I started feeling almost depressed, but it sort of snuck up on me.

      Regarding your lack of doubt regarding your wife's willingness to guarantee obedience, I'm clearly not quite there and having a hard time learning the lesson. Disobedience has really been at the heart of my behavior issues the last couple of weeks.

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  5. I am sure there are some out there, but I don't know a single person who does not want their grandchildren to be taught about the girl unable to go to school, as well as, the evils of slavery, Jim Crow/Segregation, and Racism. However, I find it ironic that those who want to imply that this attitude is widespread, are the same people tearing down statues, renaming schools, and opposing the teachings of the accomplishments of such men as Washington, Jefferson, and even Lincoln.

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    1. I don't know anyone who doesn't want to teach history. Glorifying isn't teaching.

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    2. It is true that undeserved glorifying is not teaching. However, teaching is often glorifying. When you teach King's "I have A Dream" speech, unless you are a racist you cannot do so without glorifying him. Must you feel obligated to cancel King, and include in the teaching, the fact that he had many affairs? I think not.

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    3. If there's glory, it tends to be taught. If it's trivial, probably not.

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    4. That is my point. If it is glory, as opposed to notoriety, it should be taught. If it is trivial, it should not be.

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  6. All, just a heads-up that the Blogger spam filter seems to be going haywire again. Three out of the four most recent comments above had been swept up in it. Sorry if your comments aren't appearing right away.

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  7. If I sincerely did not believe a spanking was necessary, and had more of an aversion to it than normal, I think it might be the ultimate expression of DD for my wife to insist on it. As long as we're compatible with regard to values, having to accept her judgment would be an acknowledgement of her power and display of my profound respect. That's really what draws me to the relationship, more so than looking for correction or redemption. It's sort of a mama knows best situation :), and she is the one who must be satisfied.

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    1. I agree that's the way it *should* feel, yet for some reason this time it hasn't.

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    2. If I had experience with the DD I want to imagine, my guess is that my feelings about it would not be so consistent or necessarily match my fantasies. I idealize it but, at the same time, I would expect to be surprised by, or unprepared for, the reality at times.

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  8. As per usual, I don't want to criticise other people's way of doing things. Here are my thoughts following my discussion with my wife.

    We discussed the point of if I felt I didn't need the spanking because I felt my remorse was already sufficient. I personally wouldn't want to go down that route, because if I did, it might turn into a slippery slope. In other words, I regularly decide for myself that I am sufficiently remorseful and so a punishment doesn't happen and ultimately, DD becomes so rare that it ceases to be effective.

    Also, it might lead to my wife feeling that the issue hasn't been properly dealt with and resentment therefore building up, which defeats one of the main purposes of DD. Dan, you seemed to be getting at this when you said, "But, of course, my feelings regarding the relevance of my remorse aren’t the only ones that count".

    That said, if I am feeling remorse before the punishment comes along, then this is exactly what is supposed to happen. Spanking is supposed to breed some measure of self-discipline, i.e. we received a spanking for something we did, we feel remorse and we therefore change as a result of the remorse.

    When my wife and I got married, we agreed that I wouldn't try and resist spankings. We agreed that if I didn't agree with a spanking, I would just go with it at the time and if there were wider discussions to be had about how she was doing things, we would have them separately.

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    1. Whether spanking teaches something, or relieves guilt, for me I don't know. As an adult, I should know right from wrong. I'm not sure a spanking could change my mind or make me feel sorrow for something, other than for getting caught. The sure thing, regardless of how I feel about the crime, before or after, is that punishment is justice imposed, justice served. Especially in a DD relationship that's based on a consensual desire for discipline, the simple and unambiguous justification for punishment is consequences. If my wife is in charge, she's the judge, jury and executioner. If she wants to take my remorse into account, that's up to her.

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    2. "I'm not sure a spanking could change my mind or make me feel sorrow for something, other than for getting caught." It seems it should work that way, though there have been several occasions in which we have gotten into arguments and I genuinely believed I was right. Yet, somehow after the spanking I came to see her point and could see things from her perspective much more clearly. It's not entirely rational, but it has happened several times.

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    3. Come to think of it, that sounds possible for me. Maybe the reason I have something wrong is that I haven't thought it through, I'm not seeing her side of it clearly enough, or my judgment of the importance of the issue isn't as keen as hers. She has a way of getting my attention and forcing me to reconsider. It should work if she's right. A big attraction to DD for me is this demonstration of power that spanking provides, where there's actually a transformation. I'm not sure how often a modification of thinking would happen, but the possibility seems real.

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    4. One of the largest surprises for me involving DD, once I finally began to experience it in real life, was how spankings seem to be able to change my beliefs and mindset. I always knew that it would be effective at changing my behavior, but I never dreamed that it would be so effective at changing my thoughts about something. I related several incidents before - one involving feeling bad and being grumpy every time my wife would be out with friends for too long when we could have had rare alone time together and the other involving me being too rigid with my teenage (at the time) stepson. In both cases, I was really stunned at just how much my feelings about the whole underlying issue changed after a couple of punishments for it. I really did quite a 180 on both.

      I think there are two factors that affected me. First off, I finally understood my wife's feelings and perspective on the issue. Spanking is a very powerful communication tool (that was another unexpected surprise). In fact, that is where much of the relationship benefit comes from. When my wife speaks to me through my deepest fantasy, it really penetrates my thick skull. And secondly, a hard spanking leaves a reminder that is felt for the next several days; every time I feel it (even when it is no longer painful or uncomfortable but still is felt) I am reminded of the spanking that happened. Again, because of the interplay with my fantasies revolving around the feminine exercise of authority, these memories really resonate in my mind. Somehow the combination of the powerful communication and the constant reminder for several days act together to bring a profound change in my beliefs and feelings about an issue.

      -ZM

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    5. Brett, Dan, and ZM,
      I have experienced this mental transformation as a result of being spanked you all are discussing many times. The most common of these experiences for me has been the before versus after of a spanking I did not want or think I deserved. But it’s also happened with discipline she has imposed that was not originally a part of our agreement or my expectations like chores and neatness around the house or keeping in touch with old friends. I have thought about this a lot particular the way a spanking changes my attitude about things. My conclusion –and I welcome imput on this- is that I am very good at denial which is a classic “ego defense” and getting a spanking makes me face that denial by temporarily removing my ego and allowing or forcing me to confront my own behavior. I doubt if there is any man who has much of an ego problem after his wife has taken his pants down and spanked him.
      The conventional wisdom is that spanking changes behavior by motivating one to avoid the pain and embarrassment of another spanking and that is not entirely wrong. But for me the longer term effect of spanking has been to change my thinking by making me (or allowing me) to confront my behavior. This may be why alpha males seem to need and respond well to discipline from their wives. Our egos power us and are responsible for many of our accomplishments. But that same ego also gets in the way of seeing our behavior realistically. Spankings change that
      Alan

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    6. Your focus on the ego makes a lot of sense, and for me taming my ego has always been a major express goal of pursuing DD. Though, I don't to what extent denial and ego account for the "mental transformation" thing discussed above. While the spanking does result in that kind of viewpoint change, honestly, so does time. I've frequently been convinced I'm in the right on some argument, but over the course of a few days of thinking about it I start seeing things from the other's perspective. But, I do believe you certainly are right that spanking, and the whole power dynamics around it, does at least accelerate the transformation and fosters an environment in which it can happen.

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  9. Dan,
    You said...
    "Yet, this time I didn’t just want to avoid one; I had a real aversion to it. I can’t quite put my finger on what was different this time, but I think maybe it has to do with already feeling real regret about the behavior."
    The incident which came to mind when I read this is when my husband omitted telling me something; actually a lie about finances is more like it. He tried to cover things up to avoid making me angry. I was hurt and cried. Hubby is very transparent and I knew he was remorseful about what he had done. He offered to make amends in so many different ways it was actually sweet. He told me, later, he worried I would suspend DD/FLR and he worried about me trusting him. I decided to punish him harshly to show him I wielded the authority he wanted me to have. He got a spanking he told me still remembers & I surprised him because I took away certain financial privileges permanently. My husband obviously learned his lesson before the spanking, but in case he didn't he learned his lesson at our discipline session. Ironically, it was one of several turning points in our DD relationship that worked well in the long run. We both knew discipline could be very real. He knows better than to lie to me today.
    Carol H.

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    1. Hi Carol. I can understand why you would approach it that way.

      The best I can do to explain what was going on with my aversion is that it felt similarly to some of the concerns Danielle has voiced recently about spanking her husband when he was already depressed or anxious. For reasons I don't quite understand, the aversion I felt was coming along with something that felt almost like depression. I honestly think something went haywire with my hormones or neurotransmitters for a few days. When you're in that frame of mind, I think it would be difficult to take much constructive away from the spanking itself. But, I started feeling normal again over the last two or three days, which reinforces my suspicion that something just went screwy with my body chemistry for a few days, and the aversion to consequences for the behavior also has largely gone away.

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    2. The hormones and neurotransmitter theory is an interesting one and it would make a lot of sense. What I was going to suggest was that maybe your feelings about this particular punishment had nothing to do with DD at all, and maybe not even your overall relationship for that matter. Humans are incredibly complex beings, and everything ends up pretty interconnected. If I react in a bad way to something, 9 times out of 10, my reaction has less to do with the incident I am reacting to and has a whole lot more to do with other things that are going on in my life at the time.

      -ZM

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    3. Dan,
      "For reasons I don't quite understand, the aversion I felt was coming along with something that felt almost like depression. I honestly think something went haywire with my hormones or neurotransmitters for a few days."

      Everybody has off days or periods that can affect them. There are times a dominant person tires of dominating, or a writer is blocked and so on. I think that sometimes discipline involving hitting isn't desired or effective. Sometimes alternate punishment works. I commented about it before. My husband tended to let his mind wander and would forget to return my texts. A few times I disciplined him by making him text me every 15 minutes (except when driving) to report to me. I didn't have to return texts, but he HAD to text me or else. I worried about him those times he forgot. He learned that delays in his responses were not going to be allowed by Mean Carol. The situation was resolved.

      My point is that sometimes alternative punishment works. I expect that my husband to tell me when he isn't feeling so well or so chipper. Our communication is pretty open. You might also want to explore alternative discipline with Anne. It still might not resolve any aversion that pops up, but you might react differently.
      Carol H.

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    4. ZM and Carol, you both are right that sometimes our moods are just off, and it may not have anything to do with DD. What I think happened last week was, for whatever reason the confluence of events and behavior did leave me feeling depressed and very down on myself. DD seems to me to work best when it is holding someone accountable when they are struggling with doing so themselves. In this case, I was already down on myself, and the prospect of a lecture coupled with a spanking was only going to make me feel even more down and depressed. I'm a firm believer that DD usually lays the groundwork for starting over with a clean slate, but in the mindset I was in I don't think that would have been the result. Instead, it would have just reinforced the depressive state I was in.

      Carol, you're right to emphasize the importance of open communication. Wives aren't mind readers, and their husbands often are conditioned not to share when they aren't feeling so chipper. I also agree with alternative punishments. This might have been a case where a spanking and a lecture could have been counter-productive, but some kind of grounding or restrictions might have given me the space necessary for the depression to resolve. I also like your solution to the mind wandering problem. As I get older, focus definitely becomes a bigger and bigger problem, though honestly I've always been pretty ADD and can easily forget things like responding timely to texts and emails.

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  10. Dev and I have been on vacation the past couple weeks. I was given a pretty hard spanking prior to leaving to keep me from getting out of line. I heard her say one. Then another time two. Three and four. I finally asked what she was talking about. ? She said I’ve earned four hard spankings when we arrive home in a few days. These are not erotic in any way and I dread them. I apologized for everything and all was well again but she said the spankings will still be given. I’m afraid she might do them all the same day. We arrive home Tuesday. I’ve never had this situation before and genuinely concerned. JR

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    1. JR wrote:“I’m afraid she might do them all the same day.”

      While I do respect the consensual arrangements each couple makes and very strongly believe it is toxic to challenge or defy a wife's use of her authority- still this seems brutal and pointless -brutal because that many spankings in a short period assuming she administers at all serious discipline, are way over the top in terms of physical punishment. And they are pointless in that neither party will really connect multiple spankings to the offense days afterward nor will it really function as a correction.
      I have been punished when we got home when a preventive didn't work ( not lately) and I have on a very few occasions received a "double "spanking that did address separate offenses with lots of corner time and conversation in between but more than that is not loving discipline . If you have a candid debriefing period after she punishes you (and that is something through experience we have found it very worthwhile to make time for - you should try to find out what is going on.
      I hope it all works out for you and you get the communication working
      Alan

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    2. I have never experienced two spankings on the same day, though I have had several times where punishments were long drawn-out affairs, with multiple sessions of spankings separated by corner time or things like that. Even with the separate sessions, those still feel basically like one punishment to me. I think it would be entirely different if we actually went on with other daily activities in between the punishments (like in the case for you with the preventative spanking before an event and the punishment after), and I expect I would find that more difficult to take.

      -ZM

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    3. I'm not going to respond further to this right now, because I'll probably use it as a topic soon.

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  11. You mentioned that your poor behaviour incident kind of falls 'between the cracks' as Anne did encourage it in some way , so I suppose you are kind of both to blame which should nullify punishment ? Anne is not subject to punishment so it seems only fair?

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  12. Happy LOL Dan and thanks for always providing the opportunity to make a statement and for the well thought out subjects.
    I especially enjoy reading about the spankings Anne gives you and they have provided me with inspiration on some of my own blog entries.

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