When you don't respond to bad behavior, you get more of it. - Carly Fiorina
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships.
I hope you all had a great week and, for those of you from the U.S., a nice Thanksgiving. Ours was pretty easygoing, with lots of family and too much food. It definitely left me with some added pounds to work off, though I find the limits on what I can achieve with short-term dieting gets harder and harder.
We also had some unseasonably
warm weather before and after Thanksgiving, which we took advantage of by
getting a big head start on putting up Christmas decorations. We seemed to be the exception in getting such
an early start. Our neighborhood seemed
to put a lot of energy into holiday light and decoration displays last year,
almost certainly because the Covid lockdowns left people with an abundance of
time at home and a desire for whatever connection and community they could
foster. I assume we may get a rebound effect
this year, with people spending more time actually socializing and doing
in-person shopping. Anyway, regardless of
how it plays out, Christmas is by far my favorite holiday, and I look forward
to it in whatever form it plays out.
Some recent updates from JR provided me with some inspiration for this week’s post, though it had been on my mind since Caged Lion posted on a related theme a few weeks ago. In discussing delays in punishment, Caged Lion also observed with respect to multiple offenses:
Busy lives don't get in the way with us. I'm informed that I've broken a rule. The spanking is administered the first evening it's convenient for my wife.Zero tolerance means punishing each time an offense occurs, not when the punishment is administered. She follows the DWC technique to handle multiple offenses. The first offense earns 10 minutes of spanking. If I manage to rack up more offenses before my next spanking, five minutes is added for each one. I am very careful to avoid having more time added.
A couple of weeks ago, JR also raised the issue of what happens with respect to multiple instances of bad behavior that happen close in time.
Dev and I have been on vacation the past couple weeks. I was given a pretty hard spanking prior to leaving to keep me from getting out of line. I heard her say one. Then another time two. Three and four. I finally asked what she was talking about. ? She said I’ve earned four hard spankings when we arrive home in a few days. These are not erotic in any way and I dread them. I apologized for ev merything and all was well again but she said the spankings will still be given. I’m afraid she might do them all the same day. We arrive home Tuesday. I’ve never had this situation before and genuinely concerned.
A few days ago, he provided this update:
This is just a follow up to my post last week. Due to my behavior on vacation, Dev said I was to get 4 spankings when we got home. We got in late Tuesday nite. Nothing was said Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. I thought all was forgotten. On Saturday she said all four would be given that day in four hr intervals. At 10 am she called me into the kitchen where she was sitting holding her monogeny spenser paddle. All she said was “ do you know why I was getting this spanking “? I said yes ma’am got into position and paddling was given. I set my phone to record the sound. It was firm and moderately paced. I looked at the phone and it lasted 7 minutes. It hurt and I rated it a 5. At 2:00 it was the exact same thing. Lasted almost seven minutes but I rated it a 5.5. 6:00 was another carbon copy only my bottom was sore and it was a 6.5. The final one was given at 10 pm. Only this time she was waiting in the living room holding the leather tawse. This has only been used twice and for severe cases. She said we should do this out in the “ woodshed “ but it’s cold here so it was done inside. She told me to take my pants down and bend over the arm of the couch. She asked if I was ready and the whipping began. This was electrifying and not in a good way. One landed a bit high and I jumped up. She said if I moved again she’d start over. I buried my head in a pillow to muffle my screams. When she stopped it only lasted 5 minutes and I rated it an 8.5 ! She smiled and gave me a hug and said all was ok again.
How do you address multiple offenses in your relationship? Are there any special rules or procedures that apply? If there are a series of offenses coming close together in time, does that result in a harder spanking? A longer spanking? Multiple spankings, one for each offense? If the result is multiple spankings, are they delivered during a single session, or over some longer period of time?
We played with the idea of multiple spankings a couple of years ago, but not consistently enough that it really took hold. Which probably is a mistake on Anne’s part in terms of really addressing bad behavior, because I do think that sometimes I can be more cavalier about new offenses when I know I’m going to be spanked already for an earlier one. I do try not to have that attitude, but I’d be lying if I said that it doesn’t sometimes cross my mind that I’m already going to be spanked, so why not just do whatever I want between now and that spanking? It does seem like there needs to be some kind of additional sanction for the new behavior.
For us, I don’t think increasing the severity would really resolve the issue, because almost all her spankings are already quite hard. Spanking longer during one session would be an option, though there are some limitations to that approach, including that my butt tends to go numb after a few minutes of vigorous paddling. Therefore, it does seem like the most effective option would be go make sure that each offense is addresses with a separate spanking, or a separate non-spanking punishment, with breaks in between sessions. Because we haven’t experimented with this that much, I don’t have a strong opinion on whether multiple spankings on one day, such as J.R. experienced, would be the most effective, or perhaps spankings spread out over two or three days. What are your thoughts?
Have a great week. Get those booster shots!
A great topic and I imagine many different responses. Here, we try our best to delivered the punishment as soon as possible after the offense. We also have a list of offenses, each with a 3 level prescribed punishment. This specifies the implements(s) and the number of strikes. Repeating the same offense seems to always up the level one notch. In answer to this topic, once I committed 3 offenses in the same day and she found out about them. When I got home, I was brought to the spanking room, stripped and placed in position. She listed the three offenses and said I was getting spanked for each one of them. She left me in position to reflect on my behavior and to think about my upcoming punishments. She cdame back in about 15 minutes saying this spanking is for infraction 1 and will be a level one punishment. She delivered the prescribed number of swats with the prescribed implement. She left me again telling me to stay in position. In about 15 minutes she returned and said now I will be punished for infraction 2, and we had talked about this just a few days ago so you're getting a level 2 punishment. She paddled and spanked me in according to our list. Leaving me again with the same instruction, she again returned in about 15 minutes. This is your first time for this offense, so you will take a level 1 punishment. After that spanking, she said she was very disappointed in me and my behavior, so for extra I was getting caned harshly. She left me in tears with a very red and welted backside and said I could come downstairs after I felt better. So multiple offenses meant multiple spankings nearly at the same time.
ReplyDeleteHi SC. Was there much numbing after each session? If so, did you find that 15 minutes was enough for the numbness to recede?
DeleteI usually do not get too numb. A spanking on top of another spanking is always worse. 15 minutes was more than enough. Each spanking was like starting over except my bottom was getting more sore each time. The final caning was horrendous. Left me crying and very sore. Cane welts lasted about 3 more days.
DeleteAs you wrote, our punishments start with ten minutes for the first offense and five more added for each additional offense. We arrived at this after trying multiple spankings for multiple offenses and varying the intensity.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Lion rarely managed to give me more than one spanking even if I broke several rules. It was too much for her. Intensity was hard for her to manage. We learned that a binary approach is best. All spankings are given full-on. Ten minutes leaves my butt blistered.
We read about the timing system on the DWC website. It appealed to her. She sets a timer and spanks at least until it goes off. Usually, she goes on a few minutes longer.
It's true that I get a little numb in spots during a fifteen minute spanking. However, she has a lot of options and uses all of them. She will go to my upper thighs or inside my crack. There is enough real estate to assure that I will feel the entire spanking. Besides, the pain for the next few days is much worse after a longer visit with her paddles.
She is satisfied with the DWC system. I am very careful to avoid adding offenses. Trust me, fifteen minutes is way worse than ten.
"Besides, the pain for the next few days is much worse after a longer visit with her paddles. She is satisfied with the DWC system. I am very careful to avoid adding offenses. Trust me, fifteen minutes is way worse than ten."
DeleteI remember only a couple of times that I have received multiple spankings on the same day or even over a two or three day period. But, I do recall that when it did happen, the soreness definitely lasted much longer.
I haven't timed many of my spankings, but I think most are around 6 or 7 minutes. I have no doubt that doubling that would be way worse.
Very early in our relationship probably before we were even married the spankings were frequent. My sense is that twice a week was common and sometimes more. It was a learning (and teaching) time for us and she rarely left much time between me getting in trouble and my punishment. Probably most spankings occurred the same day.
ReplyDeleteAs my learning curve went up the spankings went down and twice or more a week become 1 -2 a month and today they are 6 to 8 a year and less in the last couple of years. So rarely do multiple offenses accumulate as they did for JR. With a few exceptions a spanking never addresses more than a single major problem (although minor problems do sometimes get addressed in the same session)
The few exception have been two or maybe three times she did administer multiple (two) separate spankings on the same day each dealing with separate major issues) We had been traveling and this was before we started using preventive spankings and there probably was no way to deal with things before we got home. This was also back when my driving behavior was less than stellar. This has not happened for a long time but her procedure was to separate the two spanking with a long stretch of corner time. Once I remember she used a paddle for the first and a strap for the second. I am not sure about the others. I remember these as some of the worst punishments I ever got. The second one was excruciating because the numbness wears off in the comer but your bottom is still very sore and very red from the first one.
Remembering these I wonder how JR got through it and bet whatever got him in so much trouble he will regret for a long time. I can’t deny that a double spanking is an effective punishment. But there is a brutality to it which is probably the reason my wife hasn’t used one for a while. ( she denies this by the way and said she will give me another one if it is ever necessary. I am going to make sure it never is necessary
Alan
It sounds like your frequency level started a lot higher than mine but we've settled into similar levels today. I don't think we ever approached even once a week let alone twice, other than maybe at the very beginning when we were doing very formal weekly check-ins. But, that stage lasted only a few months at most. Now, like you it's probably around 6 or 8 times a year.
DeleteI suppose it's a bit like caning and slipperings I received at school which was one offence = one caning.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't unusual to receive more than one caning in a week , or even a day!
Of course this was easy to do in a school environment , and six of the best or a paddling could be carried out fairly quickly.
In a DD relationship this is not so easy to carry out , and a DD spanking takes longer and requires more preparation so it's not practical.
For us , one spanking usually covers multiple offences.
"Of course this was easy to do in a school environment , and six of the best or a paddling could be carried out fairly quickly.In a DD relationship this is not so easy to carry out and a DD spanking takes longer and requires more preparation so it's not practical."
ReplyDeleteI agree that seems to be the way it works in practice, though I'm not sure why. When kids are around, DD does seems to require (for most of us) some planning because of the need/desire for privacy. But, if kids aren't in the picture, does DD really take more time or require more preparation than a school paddling? Or, rather, is it that we just tend to lard it up with procedure, process and ritual? This year, we have simplified things a lot, and it seems to have resulted in her being both more interested in DD in general and more willing to carry it out quickly and efficiently.
We don't have any rituals. My wife brings out the spanking bench. She keeps it in our pantry. Then she proceeds with the spanking. The main issue is that even though the spanking takes less than fifteen minutes from start to finish, it is an activity she needs to work into her schedule.
DeleteI think that she considers punishing me as something low in her priority list. Mostly, the timing of my spankings are subject to her energy level. If she's done a chore or two, she won't feel up to beating me.
We've discussed this. As of now, she agrees that dealing with me should be a priority, but hasn't put it into practice.
It is true that school punishments were much simpler to administer so doing the same in a DD environment certainly helps but , as Lion mentioned , she has to make it a priority and take the initiative and 'pick the moment'.
DeleteI agree with Lion , even though our nest has been empty for years ,she seems to actually procrastinate about it more , always finding other things to do before getting around to it.
It is interesting that you point out that Anne seems more interested now that you have simplified things , so I assume it makes it more spontaneous and therefore exciting for her ?
We don't have any rituals per se, or at least not rituals that we do for the sake of ritual. However, when I think about the way most spankings go, it involves quite a few steps.
Delete- we go to the our room
- I take off at least pants, usually underwear, and sometimes am fully naked
- she finds the tool or tools she will use (since they are not just out)
- I bend over the bed or sometimes lay down on it
- She lectures some
- Finally, the spanking happens
- Possibly corner time before, during, or after the spanking
- And in the end, put clothes back on, put tools away, etc.
The thing is that all these things take time, so even a 5 minute spanking ends up taking 20 minutes or something like that. One thing we have talked about doing is incorporating really quick "trips to the principal's office" type spankings into our relationship. This would involve having some paddle or other spanking instrument kept close at hand, like somewhere easily accessible in the kitchen or living room. If my wife wanted to make a point, she could grab the paddle, tell me to drop my pants (not even take them off) and give me 20-40 hard, fast whacks, and I would pull my pants up and get on with life. We have not done it, because quite frankly, until we were empty nesters, it simply was a non-starter, since any obvious tool couldn't be left anywhere, and also when we had kids living with us, they could walk in at any time.
And speaking of kids, we may not have had a topic specifically about what if our kids found out and how we might explain DD to them, but we have talked many, many times over the years about how much we want (or don't want) our kids to know and what steps we take to make sure they don't find out (though I think it is pretty naive to assume that teenagers living with you don't have any clue about DD happening, whether they have ever said anything about it or not).
I do like hypothetical questions like "Assuming someone DID find out, how would you explain DD?" I don't think this question is just limited to our offspring either, but rather to anyone in any sphere of life, like our parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, or anyone else. The problem with it for me is that I think the answer would greatly depend on exactly who it was who found out. It wouldn't even be the same with any two of my children or my step-children.
-ZM
"One thing we have talked about doing is incorporating really quick "trips to the principal's office" type spankings into our relationship." The irony is, my recollection is that principal's office spankings could take a very substantial amount of time if you include the teacher letting you know it was going to happen, writing a note to the principal, the walk there, the sitting and waiting to be admitted to the office . . .
DeleteAt our school the Teachers were empowered to cane or slipper so it was quite rapid and informal .
DeleteCalled to the front of the class and bend over.
Hi Dan,
DeleteI obviously wasn't ever the recipient of a spanking at school, or I probably wouldn't have such a morbid fascination with it! What I was referring to as that type of spanking was the small number of super hard swats. I would expect that when the principal picked up the paddle, the whole thing was over in a minute or less after that. One of the things that has intrigued me for a long time is just how much visible swelling, redness, and bruising these hard paddlings seem to produce. If you ever look at any of RSN's clips (Michael Masterson), it is amazing at just how quickly bottoms go from white to totally swollen and bruised. And I don't think it is any trickery, where the camera is started and stopped many times, since even a quick search on google for school paddling will show countless images of very bruised bottoms after they got only 3-5 swats at school. Obviously some of that is due to their bottoms not being very used to spanking, since as we have talked about here numerous times, if you are spanked from time to time, the bruising seems to diminish greatly compared to when you first begin with DD. But at the same time, I think that somehow, no matter how hard my wife hits, it is not even approaching how hard some of these real school type paddle swats are.
What I envision for the very quick punishment (though maybe without the apron), is pretty much exactly like this clip. She is really connecting with the paddle.
https://www.spankingtube.com/video/64828/paddled-good-f-m
Glen, the whole bent over for a paddling in front of the class is exactly what feeds my whole fascination with school spankings!
And Hugh, of course it is good to ensure that children don't find out, but I suspect they (especially when older) learn a lot more than we think they do. I am glad that at least if they do know or suspect, they have never said anything!
-ZM
Our most private time is also during the day when we can both manage to meet at home for an hour during the work day. However, it feels too rushed and perfunctory when we did that and led to some arguments about DD being stressful for my wife. That's not due to rituals, just a need for the right mood and mindset.
DeleteSpanking at night works better, but less so as the children get older. We're almost out of the era when we can do anything on the main floor or basement with the right music or audiobook playing upstairs.
Perhaps a secret apartment is in our future!
ZM: "If you ever look at any of RSN's clips (Michael Masterson), it is amazing at just how quickly bottoms go from white to totally swollen and bruised." I agree. He has several in which a "school" spanking is delivered over jeans, usually with a dozen swats or less. The recipient pulls down their jeans after the spanking to reveal the amount of swelling and bruising, and it is quite impressive. Early on in our DD experimentation, it did not take many swats to leave me very bruised.
DeleteInterestingly, I don't think I ever experienced an actual school paddling personally, though I can remember two occasions where I thought I was going to get one. I think both of them were in junior high. Our principal had a reputation as a very stern disciplinarian and everyone feared a trip to his office. We had a closed campus at that time. Some friends and I "ditched" to go to lunch somewhere near by. When we got back, we were sent to the office. I was sure the principal would spank all of us, but for whatever reason he let us off with a warning. On another occasion, I was acting up in class and cut loose with a banned word. The teacher sent me to the office, carrying a note which I was very sure instructed the assistant principal that I should be paddled. Instead, I got a lecture on how everyone cusses from time to time but I needed to control it in the classroom. The teacher told me later that day that the note actually had told the assistant principal to give me a lecture but not to paddle me. He clearly wanted to scare me with the trip to the office, including the walk there and the carrying of the note, and it definitely worked. I remember being very scared during that walk, to the point that I still remember it 40 years later.
I've always wondered whether our kids ever knew or suspected that one of us was spanked. We were fairly careful, but you just never know what they might overhear. Also, while we usually kept the spanking implements in a locked suitcase, there definitely were times I left one under clothes in the closet. And, from time to time I had hand written journals that referred to spankings. So, if they were nosy enough they probably could have discovered something.
DeleteRecently, we have gotten more cavalier. I've talked about the bath brush Anne bought for herself a few months ago. We've had one for a long while that she never really liked, for whatever reason. That one has always been kept on the side of our large bath tub. But, she has kept her new one on the bathroom counter between our two sinks, alongside the heavy black hairbrush I bought her a year or so ago. When our kids come over, they definitely could see those on display. What they make of it, I think would depend a lot on whether they have had sufficient exposure to adult spanking material (movies, blogs, etc.) to draw the connection. My kids are plenty smart, so who knows. If Alan's theories about genetic predispositions are correct, it certainly would be within the realm of possibilities that one or more of them would have some interest in spanking-related things.
MW: "Spanking at night works better, but less so as the children get older. We're almost out of the era when we can do anything on the main floor or basement with the right music or audiobook playing upstairs." I remember that phase well, and it got progressively worse until they were gone for college. As they grew older, we inevitably hit the stage where they stayed up later than we did! That made it pretty much impossible to carry out a spanking without a high risk of one of them overhearing. There were several years in which we really had confine DD to times the kids were out of the house, and there really weren't that many occasions when they all were gone at the same time.
DeleteDan
ReplyDeleteWhere did you find that fantastic Victorian era drawing. It is very good. A captioner would spend hours with it.
Alan
I like that one, too. I found it on some spanking-related Tumblr, but I can't remember which one.
Delete