Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples
Club. Our weekly meeting of men and
women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships.
Hi all. I hope you're all staying safe, staying healthy,
and mostly staying home.
Sorry to let some down, but
once again I don’t seem to have a topic for this week. A couple of people reached out to me over the
course of the last couple of weeks, asking if I am OK. The short answer is yes,
I’m fine. But, for whatever reason, I
just don’t seem to have much interest in writing about Domestic Discipline
right now. Or, anything else for that matter.
I’m not depressed or contemplating shutting down the blog or anything
radical like that. I just don’t have
much interest in it right now.
This probably is some kind of
reaction to the shutdown. Maybe it’s
just that I need something more than on-line interaction to come up with ideas
or work up the motivation to spend a couple of hours writing up a topic. And, general lack of motivation does seem to
be part of the problem. At the beginning of this shutdown, I thought I would
power through some good books, binge Netflix series, reconnect with friends and
family if only electronically, etc. And,
at first I did. But, several weeks into it, I found that I hadn’t read much of
anything, nothing on Netflix seemed very interesting, and communicating
electronically just emphasized what a poor substitute that is for real
discussions. Though, I’m also finding that it’s not only the medium that is the
problem but also the quality of the contacts.
While I don’t seem to have any interest in Domestic Discipline, I’ve had
several good email conversations with folks from this blog.
A few weeks ago I talked
about wanting some kind of “reset.” I seem to be going through one but, life being
life, it went in a very different direction than I was anticipating. When I
wrote about it a few weeks, I was thinking the reset needed to involve a much
stricter application of DD; one that might start really getting through to me
where consequences are concerned, with some real humbling and character work,
etc. Instead, there has been no DD at
all going on, but there does seem to be some kind of reset in my interests and
priorities going on even if it is kind of directionless at the moment. This also may be the unintended consequences
of some work transitions that go beyond the current shutdown. Maybe as career transitions happen, it’s
causing some drift in other areas?
Long term blog readers will
recall I went through one of these unintentional resets a couple of years ago
when out of the blue I just totally lost interest in this blog and its
subject. The interest did come back,
though it took a couple of weeks. So, I’m
not drawing any big conclusions or making any big plans to control the direction
of this reset and, instead, I’m just going to ride it out for a while and see
what happens. Though, honestly, the
direction this heads in is not all within my control either. Anne has voiced a lot of displeasure lately
about some issues—more my attitude than my actions—but either she too is in a
kind of “blah” state about this thing we do or for other reasons isn’t trying
to take control right now.
So, anyway, I’m not planning
to post an actual DD topic this weekend, but maybe this week some great new
topic will stir in my mind or my loins.
In the meantime, stay safe.
We also have felt less interest in DD. It's like the virus has gotten us thinking about the important things in life, and paddling my husband's behind doesn't seem to be one of them. With him not going to work, his arrogance has been less. He did get sarcastic with the kids a couple of times, and I paddled him once when I had the opportunity, which is much less when the kids are always home. Even that time, though, when I think about it, seemed less real. We have now had a couple of distant relatives get COVID, and one died. I don't mean to sound melodramatic, but when death is lurking around the corner, spanking my husband seems a little ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteMy husband says the Stay Home picture is cute. I told him every hooker should have that tattooed on her behind.
Liz
Hi Liz. I'm sorry to hear about your relative, even if distant.
DeleteI get what you mean, though whatever change has been working in me doesn't seem so much about lurking death. It's more pedestrian than that. It may be as simple as we go through our "normal" lives, with a certain set of interests and desires, and to some extent they are habitual reactions and very context-dependent. Then, your life suddenly zig-zags, you find yourself living in a very different context, and some of the old interests just lose their luster because they were, in fact, so context dependent. I also think it probably is not a coincidence that this low is correlated with a drop off in work activity and finding myself involuntarily taken out of the work environment. I have always acknowledged that a lot of my bad behavior is work related, and I think my need for accountability is also a function of a perceived need to perform. Suddenly, I find myself removed from a performance-driven culture, and now accountability doesn't seem like such a necessary thing. Also, the plain truth is my nagging little physical ailments created a situation in which I probably could not have taken a hard spanking, plus we had a period in which we had an adult child living with us again, which put a real damper on our DD activities which in turn caused us to just kind of get out of the habit.
It's interesting that your wife did not take the opportunity to give your attitude adjustment in the traditional way. We all miss our routines and lack of interaction with others and it is affecting us all in different ways.
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping you find a way out of your funk soon .
I'm sure I'll get out of this mood at some point, though one of the puzzling elements is I don't feel like I'm in a funk. I'm not depressed or gloomy or morose. I feel fine. I just can;'t work up any enthusiasm for DD.
DeleteHi Dan,
DeleteTomy is right about the ebbs and flows of interest in DD. It's very important to many ( most) of us, but we are facing frightening health threats to ourselves and loved ones and that leaves virtually anything else in the dust. But if I may add, I also suspect re the blog itself you are experiencing a form of writers block which is an interruption of the creative process that creative people experience from time to time.What you do with the blog and have been doing for several years is a grueling creative process and the well will run dry temporarily. The good news is that it ( writers block) goes away, sometimes spontaneously, sometimes slowly. In the meantime enjoy the down time and know that the readers and contributors will be there when you are ready. What you have accomplished so far is stupendous and you should be very proud of it.
Alan
Hi Alan. Thanks for the kind words. I was thinking about this again this morning, and this also could be a hormonal issue. It's not just my DD interest that is down. My libido has been middling at best, and my overall energy levels are pretty low, despite getting a fair amount of sleep and eating generally better than I do when gong to work regularly. But, in the past I've always been active, including a lot of heavy resistance work in the gym, which generally helps keep testerone levels high. But, I had scaled back almost to nothing on gym visits even before the virus, because of the nagging physical problems I'd reference. Now, add on top of that being cooped up indoors, even less exercise, and general boredom, and it's kind of a perfect cocktail for lowering testosterone levels.
DeleteAunt Kay and I went through this kind of thing a few times; where I was in a similar space to yours. She said spanking was an integral part of who I am and not to worry about it how I felt at the time, to just roll with it. The conversations were, of course, much more in-depth. But that was the bottom line of her take on it.
ReplyDeleteThat's wise advice, and what I intend to do.
DeleteHi Dan, as I've written here before, I've always been impressed with the level of consistency with which you maintain this blog - much more consistently than most "personal interest blogs" (that is ... with an unpaid investment in time and energy for your own satisfaction - and, whether your motivation is altruistic or not, the benefit of the DD/DWC community).
ReplyDeleteThere is a reason that most such blogs, including those in the DD world, have far more sporadic updates than yours. In addition to time constraints imposed by family, career, and other (non-dd) interests - enthusiasm and interest does wax and wane over the years, even if we never leave it completely. I would venture that this is true for most interests, not just DD. And, I'm sure the vast majority of your readers are aware of this - and very few would "judge" you for taking some time off from the remarkable level of consistency that you have maintained through the years. (And, even when you take a week off, you leave us a note saying so!)
My own personal enthusiasm for "participating in the DWC community" (which now consists primarily of posting on your blog from time to time) does certainly come and go over time. And - as I am sure is the case with many of us - even when I would enjoy more discussion with my fellow DWC-enthusiasts, other obligations and interest vie for time. (My Polyamorist friends make a similar statement - love may be infinite, but time and resources are not).
As to our interest in maintaining DD in our own marriage year after year, this also has its peaks and valleys as well. And here, our practice of weekly maintenance spankings - while admittedly not for every couple - has definitely helped us maintain a consistent DWC lifestyle and maintain and atmosphere of maternal discipline in the home, even when one or both of us are not feeling as enthused as we may have in the honeymoon phase. Because, while these spankings may not be as intense as punishment spankings, they are still enough to leave a well reddened behind (that will be sore to sit on for at least the next day) and usually bring forth some tears as well. A "beginner" would most likely judge it to be a "harsh" session - even if a veteran would not judge it as overly severe. I know that there are times that my wife may not be truly in the mood to administer that Sunday evening spanking, but she has said that it kind of like sex in that regard - that once she makes the effort to get started, she always enjoys it! She really does enjoy the sense of power that it gives her (and she loves the ambiance as well - the sound of the paddle, my vocalizations, the red bottom - ultimately, she enjoys spanking). And, at the end of the day, they do help us maintain the DWC lifestyle in the home.
As to the blog, we all appreciate your ongoing efforts on behalf of the DWC community. Just a couple of thoughts - while your blogs area always intelligent and well written, on those "off weeks", you might consider a shorter version with a general topic for discussion - and let the conversation follow. Also, you might occasionally consider inviting a "guest" to author a week here and there.
Stay safe and healthy! --al
Hi al. "In addition to time constraints imposed by family, career, and other (non-dd) interests - enthusiasm and interest does wax and wane over the years, even if we never leave it completely. I would venture that this is true for most interests, not just DD." I totally agree with this, and it's why I am not prone to viewing dips like this as some fundamental fork in the road that indicate I should just shutter the blog. Like most other things in my life, my interest goes up, my interest goes down. It's all a cycle.
DeleteI do think some of this is about shifting priorities. The last couple of Saturdays, I just felt like reading a book instead of thinking about something to write about here. I really am more than a little irritated at myself that, with all this extra time on my hands, I haven't managed to do anything productive or meaningful, or even just read some good books that are always on my to-do list. Instead, what has ramped is fights on social media, watching way too many hours of coronavirus coverage on TV, and binge watching shows on Netflix. I don't want to stop communicating with folks like you here on this blog, but I do think this little virus-induced pause has made me a little more sensitive to how out of balance this can be if I spend two or three hours on this blog and other DD-oriented blogs instead of reading a good book, learning a new hobby, talking to my family, etc.
The self isolating and avoiding people is wearing us all down. Weather is improving, so do go for a drive somewhere where you can walk around and see nature. Hope you and partner are financially stable.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we should have our wives chat, and then they might, just might talk abou tspankng, increasing our spanking and sex life.
bottoms up
Red
Weather improving depends on where you are. I saw that there was snow in Central Park in NY over the weekend!
DeleteDan,
DeleteThere was a "polar vortex" that caused the cold and snow in the Northeast. My husband and I got out, still using masks and gloves as protection, and we avoided people. We headed to a weekend home we own upstate to check on it and to enjoy a welcome change. We saw very few cars on the road and never heard any cars once we arrived. We walked in the woods and ended up being so tired we didn't do a weekly discipline session Saturday night lol. My husband said I'll lose my touch. We hope things get back to something resembling normal soon.
CarolH.
The lack of cars on the roads is sometimes downright eerie.
DeleteHonestly, all I want to do is sleep and play video games, and since my car accident over a week ago, I'm even less inclined to want to leave the house. Lack of motivation has gotten hold of me.
ReplyDeleteThat's not good, though I definitely get it and commiserate.
DeleteMy wife is ecstatic that I am home all day. I do all of the housework while she Facetimes with her girlfriends. She has even made me stand in front of the camera with the vacuum cleaner, showing my obedience off to her giggling friends. I get spanked more (when the housework isn't perfect), she gets serviced more, we are having a wonderful DD time during quarantine!
ReplyDeletePete
Lucky you! Or, rather, lucky her!
DeleteMerry Contrary, Pete,
DeleteMerry Contrary, I'm so sorry to hear about your accident. I hope you are feeling ok.
My husband and I have used virus lock down time for strengthening our marriage since he asked to have a stronger FLR. But, he might be finding out that his immunity from the cane will be coming to an end. He's been disobedient and smart mouthed. The last time I punished him without spanking and pain. He had given me grief when I asked him for one simple thing. What really set me off was that I had ordered an expensive item he wanted just before it happened.
Now, he acted up again. I warned him he might find our Saturday night session to be less fun and more painful. When I said that he did nothing but apologize. If it weren't for our jobs Pete, I'd be tempted to put my husband on FaceTime and show him off to at least one person in particular. She'd be shocked at seeing a bald man in his 50s in pink panties cleaning the kitchen. She already suspects our marriage is D/s.
Be well.
CarolH.
I go through similar cycles. I'm currently not particularly interested in DD. I'm also not particularly interested in sex. It's not organic. I'm very sure it has nothing to do with COVID-19. It's just how I am right now. As a blogger, that causes me some trouble. As my readers know, I've gone through similar periods in the past. I'm trying to not take this too seriously.
ReplyDeleteOf course, our DD relationship is not dependent on my interest in it. Mrs. Lion will use her paddle if I need correction whether or not I have any interest in DD at the moment.
Cagedlion makes an interesting point I have been reminded of a couple of times since this thing started in March. My wife's patience with me is actually less than normal and I have received two serious warnings, but so far no spanking. But as he points out it's not just our interest in DD that matters and that's the way it should be.
DeleteAlan
Alan, that is kind of our pattern, too. She's actually yelling at and bossing me more for small things.
DeleteDan, We do seem to live in parallel universes. I almost wish she would just spank me and get it over but she is constrained by that "fairness" ethic she has always had. It must be "spankable" and so far I am successfully navigating that territory. Be well
DeleteAlan
We all go through ebbs and flows both mentally and physically.
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I are both in our mid to upper fifties.
The reality being, it's not as easy as it once was.
Sometimes we're just not into doing things that are DD related.
It's just like anything else in life.
Hopefully the interest level returns and you can get back to things once again.
Hang in there my friend!
"The reality being, it's not as easy as it once was." Ain't that the truth, on so many levels.
DeleteSince we are talking about resets, priorities and interests... I can't tell you how weird it is to be living with my husband again - in separate bedrooms with no sex but with DD. We are in the same house all day long, since neither one of us is back to our work locations. And it is a small house with one bathroom. He is just as much a slob as ever, leaving his underwear on the bathroom floor, for example. Before as his little housewife I would pick them up. But now I say, "Leaving your underwear on the bathroom floor is disrespectful to me, so go pick them and then bring me the bath brush." And he takes it like a man!
ReplyDeleteHere's the thing: I want to jump him so bad, but I am not going to until I am sure things are going to work out this time. But it's hard when I am seeing him sauntering around all day in his jeans!
Belle
That is definitely an odd situation. Personally, I'd just give in and jump him. You can always kick his ass to the curb later if it doesn't work out.
DeleteI agree strongly with Dan. If you withhold the intimacy too long, it will work against your ultimate goal. When our relationship started, my wife and I almost always made love after serious discipline. But for reasons too complicated to detail, we moved away from that. In the past year or so we have worked out the problems that caused the impasse and now love making can happen after discipline. I believe it has bonded us even more closely and unleashed passions in both of us that are beautiful to express. Also remember if he does not behave you have the sanction of shutting him down (you also have your bath brush)
DeleteAlan
Well of course you two take the guy's side! My girlfriends assure me that denial is just as good a training strategy (if not better) as punishment. So I am using both! But boy habits are hard to break!
DeleteBelle
Hey, you're the one who said you wanted to jump him. I'm just looking out for your interests. :-)
DeleteBelle,
DeleteMy thoughts were not intended to be ex parte on behalf of your guy but rather sharing hard earned experience with using denial to punish, Denial is a double edged sword as dangerous to the wielder as the object. YOU are the authority on your relationship and your man, but it seems that in punishing him you are also punishing yourself. Perhaps the girlfriends advising you don’t understand DD or are not in your unique situation. Maybe one of the wives on this blog will offer a fresh perspective because you should be getting positive results by now.
Alan
What to do when DD starts feeling like an unimportant part of life is an interesting topic. For those who have matured to where they know interest in spanking is innate, should that be a sign that something is wrong, or possibly that they're regressing to a lesser understanding of themselves, if they let the temporary disinterest shape their thinking? Those of you experienced with this seem unconcerned about that, which probably means that's not a risk.
ReplyDeleteThe absence of suggestions to "spice up" DD is also interesting. No one's suggesting a new implement, a contract, and so on.
On the other hand, there must be people less interested in spanking, who remark on their fading interest as they would any other hobby or social scene. I suppose a blog like this would never hear from them. They'd likely just fade out.
The advice to enjoy the ebb and flow of it and see what happens seems wise.
P.S. Belle's husband is living the dream! Aside from, you know, the no sex part.
"matured to where they know interest in spanking is innate" . . . Interesting way to put it.
DeleteIs spanking innate for anyone? Can you he born spanko like you are born gay? Could this be a topic? Have you done nature/nurture before? How about if each person on here tells their story and expounds on whether they think they were born to DD, became that way subconsciously through childhood experiences, made an adult decision to take up DD, or ...?
DeleteLiz
Liz, we've touched on it a lot directly and indirectly over the years. But, I think it's been well over a year since the last time there was an actual topic devoted to it. I can put one together.
DeleteI'm sure, you'll pop out of it. I went through this too and we've been having some very fun adventures here lately.
ReplyDeleteBTW, two things: 1. I'm going to steal your shopper pic for something. It's udderly amusing.
and 2: you should definitely cheer up at the thought that you can have two weeks of "no topic" and still get more comments than I do in two months with planned-out posts. LOL
Steal away! You know how much I like "flashing" pictures!
DeleteI too am sure I'll pop out of it. Abnormal times cause abnormal reactions.
Hi, my wife and I have an agreement that "the grumps and moping around" earns me a paddling and being sent to bed. I usually don't like it at the time, but it gets me into a better mood an couple of hours later or the next day.
ReplyDelete