Discipline yourself and others won't need to. - John Wooden
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led marriages.
First off, welcome to Sherri, Susan G. and Jeanne. It's great to have more Disciplinary Wife participation. I hope you will continue to chime and will also tell us all a little more about your DD or Wife Led relationships.
Well, last week's discussions were . . . what's the right word . . . wide-ranging. There's nothing wrong with that and, in fact, many things are good about it. As I've said before, the whole topical format can seem very constraining sometimes, so I usually not only don't have a problem with things deviating from the suggested topic but it actually can yield a more interesting conversation and takes some pressure off me as the blog owner. The general line for me is, does this deviation from the topic have a damn thing to do with Domestic Discipline or FLR relationships, or is it one more instance of someone trying to hijack the blog for their own purposes? And, I'll sometimes even ignore that line if the conversation is interesting enough. Though, we all have different views on what is interesting, don't we? The wonderful thing about Blogger and all the other blogging and web developer tools that are out there is anyone can talk about anything they want any time -- on their own blog. All they have to do is put in some time and effort.
There have been a couple of threads over the last two or three weeks that I want to come up with some kind of topic around, though I need to think it through more. We had a discussion back in January about the "maternal" aspects of Domestic Discipline and the extent to which it brings out the unruly boy in some of us. I feel like the topic deserves a more thorough treatment than it got last time, and it does keep coming up. So, if anyone can think of an interesting angle on it, let me know and I'll consider it. I also liked the point ZM raised about there not necessarily being a conflict between the erotic side and the disciplinary side of domestic discipline and that the former might actually fuel the latter but without detracting from the disciplinary aspect. I need to think about that more.
In the meantime, Helen raised the following topic suggestion: "What strategies does the disciplinary couple employ to determine the effectiveness of punishments? I think there may be many strategies we can share with each other. For instance, Andy and I have a rule that if the behavior is repeated, the punishment must be harsher because it obviously didn't "take" the first time. I also do a Q&A with him during the spanking that demonstrates his willingness to improve his behavior. And I also am very observant when I let Andy off my lap: If there is any resentful body language, or a grunt of disagreement, or the hint of an erection, back over he goes! His contriteness must be complete."
Let's go with that as this week's topic. I don't have anything all that interesting or novel to say about it myself. In the early days, and to some extent through to today, our focus was on making punishments hard enough to match the crime, but not necessarily on assessing them after the fact.
I've talked before about how in the early days we would assign a minimum number of swats for particular offenses, to guarantee I did not get off easy. I guess our most used post-spanking assessment tool is the journal I share with her, which often shares thoughts on previous sessions.
Other thoughts? What do you to assess the effectiveness of your disciplinary procedures or what do you incorporate to make sure they are, in fact, effective at getting your message across?
Have a great week!
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led marriages.
First off, welcome to Sherri, Susan G. and Jeanne. It's great to have more Disciplinary Wife participation. I hope you will continue to chime and will also tell us all a little more about your DD or Wife Led relationships.
Well, last week's discussions were . . . what's the right word . . . wide-ranging. There's nothing wrong with that and, in fact, many things are good about it. As I've said before, the whole topical format can seem very constraining sometimes, so I usually not only don't have a problem with things deviating from the suggested topic but it actually can yield a more interesting conversation and takes some pressure off me as the blog owner. The general line for me is, does this deviation from the topic have a damn thing to do with Domestic Discipline or FLR relationships, or is it one more instance of someone trying to hijack the blog for their own purposes? And, I'll sometimes even ignore that line if the conversation is interesting enough. Though, we all have different views on what is interesting, don't we? The wonderful thing about Blogger and all the other blogging and web developer tools that are out there is anyone can talk about anything they want any time -- on their own blog. All they have to do is put in some time and effort.
There have been a couple of threads over the last two or three weeks that I want to come up with some kind of topic around, though I need to think it through more. We had a discussion back in January about the "maternal" aspects of Domestic Discipline and the extent to which it brings out the unruly boy in some of us. I feel like the topic deserves a more thorough treatment than it got last time, and it does keep coming up. So, if anyone can think of an interesting angle on it, let me know and I'll consider it. I also liked the point ZM raised about there not necessarily being a conflict between the erotic side and the disciplinary side of domestic discipline and that the former might actually fuel the latter but without detracting from the disciplinary aspect. I need to think about that more.
In the meantime, Helen raised the following topic suggestion: "What strategies does the disciplinary couple employ to determine the effectiveness of punishments? I think there may be many strategies we can share with each other. For instance, Andy and I have a rule that if the behavior is repeated, the punishment must be harsher because it obviously didn't "take" the first time. I also do a Q&A with him during the spanking that demonstrates his willingness to improve his behavior. And I also am very observant when I let Andy off my lap: If there is any resentful body language, or a grunt of disagreement, or the hint of an erection, back over he goes! His contriteness must be complete."
Let's go with that as this week's topic. I don't have anything all that interesting or novel to say about it myself. In the early days, and to some extent through to today, our focus was on making punishments hard enough to match the crime, but not necessarily on assessing them after the fact.
Other thoughts? What do you to assess the effectiveness of your disciplinary procedures or what do you incorporate to make sure they are, in fact, effective at getting your message across?
Have a great week!
Helen's methods for determining the effectiveness of her discipline (as noted in your post above) seem to cover many of the bases...watching for repeated behaviour, effective Q&A, and perceiving immediate resentment. I think that the women of this club would have the best insights into the effectiveness of their discipline and hopefully they will share them with us all. The one thing that comes to my mind is how quickly a husband changes his attitude and gets back into line after receiving just a particular look or one sharp word from his wife. If that happens, I think one can be sure that the last discipline session is very much fresh in his mind and he has no desire to repeat it.
ReplyDeleteYes, that seems like a good indicator.
DeleteDan your favorite, tears would seem like one indicator, but they are so elusive. The amount of days where one feel the pain after a spanking, any bruises, general change in attitude, how quickly the task is completed after the spanking. Did you get to the point, where he gives into the spanking and stops fighting. Is he more relaxed and loving.
ReplyDeleteJohn
All great indications the spanking has had the intended impact. Thanks, John.
DeleteAs I have stated here before, we have a prescribed punishment for each offense and each punishment has 3 levels. Moving to the next level is completely her decision and normally the next level is reached by the seriousness of the infraction. However it is also reached because of repeating the same offense especially soon afterwards. She hardly ever does a Q&A during the punishment, occasionally a matter of fact comment stating the 'you know you deserve this' type. So I guess her best method of knowing if the punishment was effective is my behavior following the incident. I do understand and agree with the other methods mentioned here by other posters.
ReplyDeleteSC, can you describe what distinguishes levels 1, 2 and 3? Severity? Duration? Implements used?
DeleteDan
ReplyDeleteI often wonder if perhaps when Peter acts out in what I consider a childish or bad boy manner, it isnt deep down a need to be touched. When he is about to be punished he has been ordered to stand in the corner and ordered to think of why he is there. Over my knee, often his sex is aroused by being the object, the center of attention.
Is it as Helen says at the end of a spanking if he remains aroused, responds in a truculent manner or pouts he feels deep down he needs more spanking. There is that lovely moment with Peter when he seems to slip from my knees as boy wanting to pay his Mom for behaving badly. To feel him curl up to me and he knows even if
aroused there will be no sex that night he needs my attention. The gentle pat or kiss his forehead as my
forgiveness.
I do know that the days after punishment there is a lovely peace in our home. A new beginning!
anna
Hi Anna. I do have one bit of newfound sympathy for men who continue to display arousal while in OTK position. As discussed before, we almost never use that position, but gave it another try recently. A man's mind definitely strays "down there" a bit more when that part is tucked between his wife's thighs. Mine still went away over the course of the spanking, but it stayed hard longer and I was much more aware of that part of my body at the beginning of the spanking than usual.
DeleteI have been spanking Andy for about three decades now, and we have worked out a routine that definitely works for both of us. That is, Andy is able to change his behavior pretty quickly, usually with 2-4 progressively severe spankings for the same offense.
ReplyDeleteWe include a rather extensive Q&A during the spanking, which we believe helps imprint on his brain the connection between the pain and the behavior that needs to be revised. The Q&A is based on our belief that a true apology has three key components: Understanding what you did wrong; making a heartfelt apology that shows your true contrition; and promising to behave differently in the future. Sometimes I emphasize certain words with a smack of my hairbrush; other times I just maintain a steady rhythm on Andy’s derriere.
What follows is my best recollection of the Q&A during the spanking that Andy got yesterday morning. Please note that Andy’s responses were punctuated with stuttering, exclamations, moans, groans, apologies, sobs, etc., which I have not tried to reproduce.
Helen: Do you know why you are being punished?
Andy: Yes, dear.
Helen: And why is that?
Andy: For a bad attitude.
Helen: And what was your bad attitude about?
Andy: You adding dusting to my Saturday chores.
Helen: And how did you express that bad attitude?
Andy: Snorting and huffing while I was dusting.
Helen: And has that been a problem in the past?
Andy: Yes, dear.
Helen: And what commitment have you made regarding snorting and huffing?
Andy: I have promised not to do it.
Helen: So you did not keep your promise?
Andy: No, dear. … I am very sorry!
Helen: Not as sorry as you are going to be.
Andy: Yes, dear.
Helen: So do you agree that snorting and huffing is wrong?
Andy, Yes, dear.
Helen: And that you should be spanked for it?
Andy: Yes, dear.
Helen: And what else should you be spanked for?
Andy: Um … breaking my promise to not snort and huff?
Helen: That is correct, Andrew. Are you supposed to keep the promises you make?
Andy: Yes, dear.
Helen: And what happens when you break a promise?
Andy: I get spanked.
Helen: And do you consider that fair?
Andy: Yes, dear.
Helen: So are you very clear on why you are over my knee?
Andy: Very clear!
Helen: And what do you have to say for yourself?
Andy: I am sorry …. Really sorry … TRULY sorry.
Helen: Well that is good to hear. Because we want you to be truly contrite.
Andy: Contrite! I am contrite! Really I am!
Helen: Yes, I believe that you are, but let’s keep going just to make sure.
Andy: Yes, dear. I am sorry for snorting and huffing. I know I should not snort and huff. I have promised not to and I did not keep my promise. I am sorry!!!
Helen: Good! And what is your commitment to the future?
Andy: No more snorting and huffing!
Helen: And?
Andy: And keep all my promises!
Helen: And?
Andy: And … and … do the dusting without complaint!
Helen: Without a bad attitude.
Andy: No bad attitude! I promise!
Helen: And you are sure you have learned your lesson?
Andy: Yes, yes, yes, yes, I have learned my lesson!
Helen: Good, Andrew. Let’s take a little break. Try to collect yourself. We are going to reinforce what you have learned with a few more, very hard and fast. You are to relax as best you can, lie still and accept them. Is that understood?
Andy: Yes, dear. I am sorry. Really sorry. I promise to be good. I promise to lie still.
Helen: OK, Andrew. Here we go …
Andy: Ow, ow, ow, ow, owwwwwwwww!
Helen: OK, Andrew, you may get up. Would you like a hug?
Andy: Yes. Yes, please.
Helen: There, there. You took your punishment well. All is forgiven.
Andy: Thank you, dear.
Helen: You’re welcome. And what are you thanking me for?
Andy: Making me a better husband and father.
Helen: I hope you know you already are an excellent husband and father. But we can always help you be a better one.
Andy: Yes, dear.
Helen: All right, all right. Go get me the arnica gel and I will rub some on your poor bottom.
We are much less vocal, though she is starting to lecture more during, while it used to be only as a prelude to the actual spanking. Unlike Andy, my responses consist almost entirely of "Yes Ma'am," and lots of moans and groans.
DeleteHelen
DeleteI too like taking a break mid spanking to quiz Peter much in the way you showed above. I dont want just yes or no answers. For some reason Peter seems to be more responsive to the second half of the spanking. Nothing is nicer than that humbled tone when he seems to have learned today's lesson. After the spanking, as I apply creme I love how I feel his submission as he moans and says thank you.
anna
Anna,
DeleteI so agree that there is nothing nicer than that humbled tone and him saying thank you in such a submissive manner. In fact, it is when he is lying quietly over my knees at the end of the spanking that I begin to get so aroused. As Dan and others have mentioned, it is the power exchange that is so erotic, more than the spanking itself (although for me, the spanking releases a lot of adrenaline that is a component of arousal).
Helen I so love that moment that often when he is truly humbled I do allow him to take me with his mouth. He of course isnt allowed to cum that night.
DeleteFunny the other day he told me that is fast becoming his most exciting moment when I do allow him to thank me with his tongue.
Anna
Anna,
DeleteI too will often have him thank me with his tongue. That frequently turns into intercourse for us. And I do let him cum. For us, the punishment is over and the "aftercare" has begun!
A male partner more like a friend once asked me to discipline him so he would lose weight. It worked, but only when I was very severe. It seemed as if I included something he had no desire for, then he really would submit to my judgement about what he should eat and what he should avoid. When I just gave him a kinky spanking didn't do much good. But when I insisted he do an enema and then get my strapon all the way on he would really learn from it. I was constantly thinking of new stuff, sometimes it was an incredible turn on for me and we wound up in the sack in a hurry. But overall with a fierce paddling he took off 17 lb.
ReplyDeleteHe made his next lady friend a heavy wooden paddle (with holes) with the slogan "To keep him svelte—use paddle and belt."
Thanks, Maria,
DeleteClever poem he wrote!
I think our "boys" need to know that we really mean business in order for punishment and power exchange to really be effective to change behavior. If is just kinky for them, they will take it and enjoy it and make no improvements. For me and Andy the punishment has to be quite uncomfortable, to the edge of his limits, to truly be effective. But I think other couples here have a different experience;let's hear from them!
Sounds like the results spoke for themselves!
DeleteHelen, I admit I don't really understand the premise of "enjoying" a spanking, but I do agree that for us if it isn't very uncomfortable it isn't going to accomplish much. In fact, it needs to be beyond uncomfortable.
DeleteHi Dan,
ReplyDeleteI think when it comes to effectiveness, it really depends on the situation and what the couple is trying to accomplish. There is no one-size-fits-all. Sometimes keeping things in check is all that can be hoped for. Sometimes it is just to communicate her hurt, anger, or displeasure. Sometimes it is to provide some consequences when natural consequences don't occur. Sometimes it is just to vent or clear the air. Sometimes it is just because she thinks I need it. Etc.
Just looking at outcome isn't necessarily the answer. While ideally discipline would result in immediate and permanent change, some habits, attitudes, or behaviors are very entrenched and may take a significant amount of time to change, and that is of course assuming that the person even truly wants to change.
An example for me of something that is ongoing would be bad attitude. I have been punished several times for bad or unhelpful attitudes and it is certainly possible that I will be punished and for this 10, 20 or more times over the course of many years. That is less an indicator that the punishments didn't work than a reflection of the ability for bad attitude to seep in and build up.
Having said that, I think she can tell when a punishment has been effectively delivered. As John said, tears would certainly be a very good positive indicator. Of course, the lack of tears is not a good negative indicator, because tears are generally elusive. What she should see is genuine remorse, contrition, humility, and submission. Once all signs of resistance, attitude, and rebellion are gone, then she can be pretty sure that she is getting through to me. That is when communication is the most effective because I am really listening and all my defensive walls are broken down.
-ZM
Hi ZM. Your first paragraph sums up my own views. For a long time, I didn't really appreciate the "communicative" aspect of DD. Oh, I got that it took great communication to make it work, but it took me awhile to really get that the spanking itself is a form of both communicating about a problem and of addressing it. How many marriages fail because they simply drift into both silence and inaction. One party may be very unhappy and regularly annoyed, but after a while it just becomes easier to stay silent. Increasingly, they don't vocalize the things keeping them apart, don't react, don't accuse, don't take responsibility, etc. After a while, they may not even notice. In a DD marriage, however, at least where his behavior is concerned the wife both notices, reacts, accuses, requires that he take responsibility and, after all that is done, the air is clear and the problem is addressed, if not always wholly and for always resolved.
DeleteZM,
DeleteThis is beautifully written: "What she should see is genuine remorse, contrition, humility, and submission. Once all signs of resistance, attitude, and rebellion are gone, then she can be pretty sure that she is getting through to me. That is when communication is the most effective because I am really listening and all my defensive walls are broken down."
I agree that when the above happens to Andy, he is really listening--with his heart and soul as well as his mind. And what better way to break down those defensive walls than with a good spanking?
I still disagree that loving domestic discipline from the love of one's life is anything like punishment from the court system. They are not the same species; they are much further apart than a St. Bernard and a Chihauhau!
DD is one very tiny subset of the overall question of whether any sort of punishment is a reliable deterrent to crime. Volumes have been written about this from a societal perspective, and what is a DD relationship other than a microcosm of the same issue? And since no one has been able to state the total efficacy of any punishment for any crime, I wonder what besides a panoply of anecdotal testimony towards one technique or another can really come of such a question.
ReplyDeleteI've always loved the stories about how when pick-pocketing was a hanging offense, pick-pockets would use a hanging to work the distracted crowds at the gallows. Would anyone like now to say that their spankings are far worse than the old 'short drop'? LOL Simply put, some punishments are enough to deter some.... but not all. And others won't change if you threatened their very lives. It is the same with couples. All the dynamics are as different as the individuals in them.
For us, effectiveness depends on what the issue is. One of our early rules was not leaving the shower diverter in the up position. A few spankings later it never happened again. Another rule is to be less hyper and more patient. Ten years.....and many spankings ..... later I feel I am just as hyper and impatient as I've ever been. In those instances I feel the punishments act more as a consequence and also a sort of frustration-release for the offended party than some magical cure for the issue. It's retribution not rehabilitation. But even within penal justice theories, the issue of one versus the other consistently surface. If a crime can't be deterred by a consequence, should we forego the consequences altogether? I don't think so.
And since tears seem to be such a hot-button, let's consider "tears" as some irrefutable portent of effectiveness. I don't cry easily but I have teared up a bit and felt extreme remorse many times. Did that welling of fluid necessarily change the behavior? Not really. And yet for some things, no tears had to be shed at all for the behavior to change. Merely not wanting to disappoint my spouse was incentive enough......with a spanking as mere punctuation.
In DD, I'm not sure we can do more than strive towards goals and techniques that somehow "help" with real life issues, all the while knowing that "helping" may not mean "curing".....though it could. And that's not a bad thing. And "effective" is a slippery eel to catch and label.
I think KD's examples go a long way towards showing when corporal punishment works and when it doesn't. Leaving the shower diverter in the wrong position is a very specific behavior and that is when domestic discipline tends to be effective being hyper and impatient is more of a character trait, and that is something that is not going to be easily changed by a disciplinary wife. What can be changed is specific behaviors related to the character trait. So for instance if KD had a tendency to drum his fingers on the table when he was hyper, and his disciplinarian found that annoying, she could punish him for it until he stops.
DeleteI disagree that domestic discipline is similar to criminal punishment. I think they are totally different. Domestic discipline for one is consensual whereas criminal punishment is not. Domestic discipline is carried out by a loving partner who is going to continue to be there every day. Criminal punishment is exacted by a judge that the punished person will likely never see again. So I don't think that they are at all comprable. Just my take!
KD, I agree with all that, including Helen's distinction between trying to change a specific behavior and trying to cure a personality trait. I always love your pickpocket at the gallows example. The point it illustrates for me is that effectiveness may be partially about severity, but severity is a necessary but insufficient input. To get real effectiveness, you need both severity and certainty, and the certainty must be with respect to both detection and punishment. If any of those three elements are missing, the level of effectiveness drops.
DeleteDan: I think certainty can be another factor, but not the clincher. When I snap back I know it would be pretty hard to deny having done it. Detection is unnecessary because the misbehavior is predicated on interaction. No way to hide that. And perhaps if I knew that every outburst would be punished it might be more of a deterrent.......but could I honestly say that knowing the consequences of my actions were stone cold guaranteed would definitely stop me from doing it in the moment every time? Doubtful. I think you and Helen bring up more valid distinctions, but depending on how deep you want to go, I think there are way more to be weighed.
DeleteHelen: There are certainly differences between criminal and DD situations, but essentially they are issues of behavior, punishment and consequences. One could even argue that choosing to live among people is some reluctant acknowledgement of laws and consequences. If everyone around you lives by a set of laws, you may not like them, but you'd have to acknowledge they exist and realize that if caught there would be consequences and choosing to do it all anyway is in a way a "consent" of sorts. It's kind of like when a mobster dies in a movie and someone says, "this is the life he chose". LOL
Also being somewhat different doesn't change the underlying issues of efficacy of punishment as deterrent just as being a chihuahua doesn't make an animal any less a 'dog' than being a St. Bernard. Different, but not totally different.
Dan,
DeleteI have been thinking about your three elements to effectiveness: certainty of detection, certainty of punishment, and severity of punishment. Of these three, the Disciplinary Wife can control certainty of punishment and severity, but she cannot control certainty of detection. The miscreant husband can always get away with misbehavior at times. This is where he needs to be an active participant in the process through ... confession. This is key to the relationship--that the husband will feel guilt and a desire to change and a responsibility to tell his wife the truth.
Andy and I used to have a weekly discussion in which I would ask, "Do you have anything to confess to me?" For many years there would be something, and he would be punished for it. I think some Disciplinary Wives make an error here in thinking that since the husband confessed that he has shown his remorse and so should be let off the punishment. No, no, no! Yes, it is good that he confessed, but the certainty of punishment is crucial! The husband on some level will feel disappointed and unfulfilled if the wife does not follow through!
There came a time in our relationship when Andy said to me, "I should not be 'forced' to confess by being put in a position of lying to your face. When I do something that I need to be punished for, I should tell you on my own."
I was astounded and incredibly pleased by the level of maturity shown by my husband in that statement. We dropped the weekly meeting and instead he began confessing--and the effectiveness went up dramatically because he would tell me sooner and be punished sooner. As I have argued previously, the immediacy of punishment is crucial to Andy's behavior change (and I believe that is the case for most husbands).
So I would add that to your three elements: immediacy. And I see a direct correlation: The longer it takes after misbehavior for punishment to be enacted, the less effective it tends to be.
As others have mentioned, another crucial factor is that the husband has to want to change the behavior. He can want to because it is good for him (like losing weight), he can want to because it helps him achieve his values (such as stopping swearing), he can want to because it pleases his Disciplinary Wife (such as remembering to take out the garbage). But if he thinks there is nothing wrong with the behavior and he shouldn't be punished for it, then being consistently caught and severely punished is probably not going to be enough to be effective.
I agree that immediacy is important, probably for at least two reasons. First, the mental connection between actions and consequences is just stronger when the two occur closely in time. Second, I think immediacy does interact strongly with certainty. In our house, if a bad act goes unpunished by a day, that is likely to become a week, which is likely to become . . .
DeleteSo, indeed, "justice delayed is justice denied."
With me, when I'm trying to get my husband to lose weight, spankings are both both punishment and reward. If he does well, I always find some fault, and then "punish him" so he does not miss out, with a "punishment" handjob afterwards. If he does less well, he gets a much more painful spanking (such as the tawse or the cane) that he would rather avoid, and NO release. If he does very poorly (as in does not even try) he gets NO spanking at all: "why should I spank you if you don't even try???"
ReplyDeleteHi Julie. Examples like these always help me clarify in my own mind that it really is the power exchange and the accountability that attract me to DD and not the spanking. If my wife said she would not spank me at all if I gained weight, my response would be something along the lines of: "Woo hoo! Pass me another brownie!"
Delete"Pass me another brownie!" I laughed out loud at that one. Thanks
DeleteMy wife has found that a good old fashion brings the best results. It is over her lap, always bare, not always naked, her hairbrush. She knows when it is getting through, I'm a total mess. What insures that I have learned my lesson is that she will stop the spanking, scold me, will rub my sore bottom, then continue the spanking. The worse of all was her finding my collection of spanking magazines I told her I had gotten rid of.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds very straightforward and effective. I have always been curious as to why a wife would object to her husband looking at spanking magazines (unless they depicted men spanking women). Doesn't the existence of such magazines reinforce in the husband's (and wife's) mind the idea that such domestic discipline is proper?
DeleteNothing makes a disciplinary wife madder than being lied to. We apply that hairbrush with vigor!
DeleteThe existence of such magazines usually means that the husband is masturbating to fantasies of other women when he ought to be fantasizing about his wife and always have his equipment ready for action with her!
DeleteIt took me a week to see the personal irony of the lovely quote that went with this topic heading; "Discipline yourself and others won't need to. - John Wooden"
ReplyDeleteIt certainly does have a unique meaning as applied to your personal circumstances.
DeleteWell, self-discipline is one thing. Self-punishment is another!
ReplyDeleteI know this is the last day for this to be the lead blog item, and I am a little disappointed in the lack of responses from disciplined hubbies. You could add a lot to the conversation by answering: What was the most effective punishment you ever received from your wife, and why?
ReplyDeleteThis could go a long way to your disciplinary wife understanding you, and help us all!
Ok Helen. Martin here, just began reading this blog a couple of months ago and I know this is a late response. My wife has been spanking me for the last 18 years and the behavior that bothered her the most was my speeding. About 10 years ago she solved this by first spanking me every other day. I got a speeding ticket about 6 months later and she did the same thing except she had one of her close friends help. This was the first time I had ever had someone else both witness and spank me. They spanked me again every other day and I was introduced to new positions, corner time and getting switched. A new experience in pain and embarrassment. I have not had another speeding ticket since.
DeleteNot sure I fully understand that.
ReplyDeleteWe're in week three of our eight week, twice a week spankings. Most of the surface of my butt is bruised. I think next week I'll be to the point of crying when she tells me to pull down my pants. Currently, even walking hurts, as my briefs rub up against the bruised skin.
ReplyDeleteThat said, we are closer and communicating more than ever. I never feel quite as close to my wife as when I have a white hot bottom, with shorts around my ankles, sobbing and thanking my Ann for spanking me.
Hi Fred. What led to that?
DeleteProcrastination in opening and paying bills. Not because we didn't have the money. Just avoidance. But we're dealing with it together. We took the number of bills that had a second notice on them and since we have to have the possibility of spankings for more routine things we can only do two per week.
DeleteToday's was mercifully brief, as my butt is still quite bruised and sitting on it and even drying my butt after a shower is painful. It will only get worse. I didn't quite cry before pulling down my underwear, but by the second or third spank tears were flowing.
Sorry that you're having to go through that. I definitely have had that experience of getting out of the shower and having the towel remind me of a recent spanking.
Delete"Second Notice Bills" when you have the funds! Absurd!
DeleteSpankings are not sufficient for you. Wish Aunt Kay was here to huddle with your wife and come up with additional creative measures. Maybe one of the women who read this Blog would talk with her.
Helen, this male took awhile to find a woman who understood my needs and wants. I'm the one with the spanking magazines. My question to you, if you found these magazines what would happen to your husband?
ReplyDeleteMy husband would not have such magazines, as pornography is a sin according to our values and religion. Dan keeps the drawings here to a minimum level of eroticism, but even with a blog like this, my husband is only allowed to view it with permission and supervision because of the erotic drawings.
DeleteWhen YOU confess to your disciplinarian about the spanking magazines, I recommend she does this: Strip you naked and place you over her knee and leg-lock you in place, with your face near the carpet just above the magazines. Have you open the first magazine to the first spanking picture. Begin applying the hairbrush with vigor. Then ask, "Do you want to ever look at that picture again?" If the answer is not an immediate "NO," then the spanking continues and the question is asked again. "Do you want to ever look at that picture again?" "No, Ma'am!" "OK, turn the page." The next picture comes up. The spanking continues. The same question is asked .... over and over again until you have asserted that you do not want to look at ANY of those magazine pictures. If there are too many magazines for one session, then the spanking occurs daily until you have "reviewed" every picture and associated it with pain.
At the end of the last session, take you out to the private back yard, naked with your red and bruised bottom on display, and have you burn those magazines in the fire pit while your disciplinarian sips a glass of wine and enjoys her handiwork on your derriere.
I imagine that story was a turn-on for you, but if it were carried out it definitely would not be!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteNo, Sean. Go away.
DeleteThat scenario is the kind of intentionally-planned discipline that works. It's not complicated and it is fundamentally impossible to resist the message.
Delete