That all makes sense. Regardless of severity or certainty of punishment, we're going to do a better of changing our own behavior if we too want it to change; the fantasy of a dominant wife imposing on us only those rules she personally wants notwithstanding. In our reality, most of the rules my wife imposes were arrived at more or less jointly.
But, there definitely are some that she cares about more than I do. Or, at least, she doesn't balance pros and cons in the same way I do. The best example is probably drinking. We both generally agree that over-consumption of alcohol has been an ongoing problem for me, and it does definitely cause some issues from time to time. But, deep down inside, I'm not really ready to give up the benefits it provides with respect to career development and, frankly, I like socializing and talking and alcohol is my set's social lubricant of choice. As de Sade put it: “Conversation, like certain portions of the anatomy, always runs more smoothly when lubricated.” So, when push comes to shove, she may command no more than two drinks, but if the guy across the table wants a third, I'm probably going to have a third.
On the other hand, we do have success when she addresses things like respect or work habits. Because, I do want her to feel respected, and her rising feeling of her own power and authority are attractive and motivating to me.
And, I really do want and need to elevate my game at work giving some of the challenges that are coming up.
Do these examples resonate with you? Are there some areas where DD has proven particularly effective because her desire for change is in alignment with your own? Are there others where DD has not been effective, in whole or in part because the change she is trying to bring about is something that you are, deep down inside, just not motivated to do or, worse yet, downright resistant to changing? In those circumstances, has she found ways to motivate you to change anyway?