Sunday, July 22, 2018

The Club - Agenda for Meeting 259 - Anticipation and Reminders


"Wisdom consists of the anticipation of consequences." - Norman Cousins

Hello all.  I hope you had a great week.  Mine was busy, which you may have discerned from my lack of participation.  Unfortunately, I was distracted by other things, both domestic and foreign.  Who would have thought that foreign relations could provide lessons for misbehaving husbands.  If she gets perturbed after a bad self-report and orders an especially hard spanking to deal with it, just say, “Oh, I’m sorry Ma’am.  I misspoke.  I meant to say my behavior wasn’t bad. . . .” 

 We certainly had a lot of volume last week.  Counting my own handful, we ended up with 115 comments, which may be a record though I have not gone back through old posts to confirm that. Of course, the volume gets higher as things drift away from the topic or even the theme of the blog, which is disciplinary relationships, not erotic spankings.  Near the end, there even seemed to be a proposition on the table that a spanking is “effective” if it is erotically arousing.  Uh, no. Not if we are talking about disciplinary spankings.  Those may involve an erotic response but that certainly is not the goal let alone how one might assess their effectiveness.  In fact, as Helen and Alan both talked about in terms of severity, if he is still aroused after the spanking gets going, then what is happening probably either isn’t a disciplinary spanking or it’s a pretty ineffective one.  

So, all in all it was a great discussion, though I do want to emphasize that the blog’s theme is not going to drift into a general “spanko” venue.  There are plenty of those around, so the focus here is going to be remain on real couples in real disciplinary relationships.  So, if you find yourself constantly leading your comment with, “We aren’t in a DD relationship and our spankings are all erotic . . .” you may be in the wrong room.

I also do take issue with some of the comments on negative versus positive reinforcement.  There is no shortage of research showing that people will do more to avoid a negative outcome than to gain a positive outcome of equal "value."  One study after another backs that up, while as far as I know there is a real shortage of evidence backing up this position that having high self-esteem results in achievement, as opposed to high achievement being the basis for genuine self-esteem.  (Here is a nice summary of the history of the self-esteem fad in education and the lack of evidence supporting it:  https://www.thecut.com/2017/05/self-esteem-grit-do-they-really-help.html.)  In fact, we have an entire generation that seems to prove the contrary.  The Millennials have to be hands-down the least impressive generation in a hundred years, but they certainly aren't lacking in unearned self-esteem.  My favorite illustration of this phenomenon of runaway but unearned Millennial self-confidence can be found in this hilarious YouTube video entitled Job Interview With a Millennial:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo0KjdDJr1c. 

Our summer of more open dominance emphasizing her disciplinary role may be taking a little pause.  We had a few weeks with no kids around, but that won’t be true for the next few weeks.  We’re actively exploring how to keep things going, however, and I hope we don’t lose all momentum.  If anyone has tips on how we might go about doing that, I’d love to hear them.  But, the reality may be more time spent “anticipating” spankings than actually getting them.  And, that is this week’s topic.  Last week, ZM observed: 

One thing that my wife already does a little, but could do much more of is to use the time leading up to the punishment to build it up in my mind. At least for us, punishments seldom occur immediately after infractions because of logistics. Since so many of the feelings and emotions of punishments naturally occur during the time leading up to a punishment, she could really amplify those feelings by reminding me in different ways what is to come and to set the stage. I.e. "let's sit and have coffee, since you will not be wanting to sit for quite some time" or "I'm sure you feel sorry, but I need to see tears streaming down your cheeks and hear sobbing before I can move on."

I go back and forth about the ideal role of anticipation.  On one hand, I do believe that immediate consequences are best when it comes to modifying behavior.  Yet, I also do believe there is a value in giving him time to think about what he did and to really mull over the upcoming consequence.


 For me, the ideal would probably be same day, but with enough time between the spanking being ordered and it being carried out that I think hard about what is coming.  As ZM points out, she can help that anticipation build via dropping little “reminders.”  And, even an immediate spanking does not preclude doing things to ramp up the anticipation.


 Most, though not all, of my wife’s little reminders happen by text.  I may be sitting in my office, and I’ll receive a text saying, “Enjoy sitting today.  You won’t be enjoying it after you get home this evening.” How does your wife remind you that you have a session coming up?  How does she help ramp up the anxiety and anticipation surrounding it, if at all.  

 
I hope you all have a great week.

45 comments:

  1. I think "Anticipation" may only be a hit for Carly Simon, because I don't appreciate it that much at all. Rosa is notoriously and admittedly forgetful, and as such one of our 'rules/understandings' is that if she decrees a punishment and then doesn't do it, I am to remind her because she DOES want to execute the sentence, but habitually forgets them. And to be honest, I hate having to do that. Prolonging the time between offense, decree, and actual punishment tends to ensure the chance of forgetting increases with each measure of passing time. So what might be exciting or dreading, just becomes stressful to my OCD 'if this, then that' and 'let's get it over and done with so we can move onto the next thing'-mentality.

    I could see how getting reminders from one's disciplinarian can be interesting because at times Rosa WILL do this and it is always powerful in the moment, but even after going out of her way to send a message much like the one you mentioned in your post, she will very likely forget she sent it by the time she is home and able to act on her threat. Then it would fall again to me to 'remind' her.

    (Did I mention I hate having to remind her of something she herself decreed?)

    So I don't equate DD anticipation with being threatened and warned and having to then wait while squirming for the punishment, but rather with increased likelihood of having to do something I dislike having to do and wish I didn't have to do. (Also this not purely a DD issue. Rosa will routinely forget lots of things she's promised or talked about doing, so it's not some insidious symptom of DD reluctance.......just the way she is wired with everything.)

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    1. I definitely understand this dynamic. Someone who has to constantly be reminded to lead isn't really leading, are they?

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    2. But in her mind she is and wants to be obeyed and followed. We talked about this just again today with regard to something not DD-related and she FULLY admitted how frustrating it must be to have to remind her of things she's promised, because she also admitted that if the situation was reversed, she'd feel much as I do ....or worse. The thing is, she isn't doing it on purpose and when she makes the promise....or in the case of DD, the threat.....she sincerely means it and has every inclination to follow through. But something always seems to distract her or change her mood and "poof", it's gone.....until I remind her. But, everyone has their quirks. This is one of hers.

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    3. I definitely get it, and I'm probably guilty of it from time-to-time myself. Life is busy, and it's just hard to keep all the balls in the air. And, since I think we all pretty much agree that it is usually the disciplined party who thinks more about DD and consequences, it tends to stay on our minds while our disciplinarians may have other, higher priorities even if they do take their disciplinary responsibilities quite seriously.

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    4. My guess, KD, is that Rosa is not a list-maker but could train herself to be one. Or better yet, she could instruct you to make lists for her. That could make her life more pleasant (and yours more painful, lol).

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    5. Thanks for the advice, Helen, but I don't see that happening. When it comes to certain things she is a list person, but I don't see her extending that practice into the types of things she routinely forgets, or finding it pleasant. Her solution is to have me remind her. It does work, but I just don't like it. Still it's a trade-off of good and bad.

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  2. I admit, our relationship is different in that we are both retired, so being reminded at work, for example, is non-existent. We both agree that punishment as soon as possible after the infraction is the best way to handle things. We do subscribe to the practice of not spanking in anger however. I have even been punished while away from home, but that is not the normal occurrence. There is no time for anticipation... I commit infraction, I or she will check the list for the prescribed punishment and I get spanked. There have been times I am unaware of committing an infraction and the next thing I know, she is right behind me with the implement in hand saying bend over. I can understand the concept of anticipation and reminders and the anxiety resulting from it, but it does not happen here.

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    1. Spanking in anger is something we've discussed here before, and I remain a contrarian on it. I actually *want* her to display some real anger when I've done something to piss her off, and as long as she stays in control (and I think she always would), I think her anger would help me get into a more remorseful mindset.

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    2. I am a contrarian like Dan, as I think it enhances the punishment for Andy to see who upset I am that he has broken one of our agreements AGAIN. But I think it is important to look at the meaning of "anger."

      I have read about anger being broken down into three parts: irritation, frustration, and resentment. Irritation is when something OUTSIDE yourself triggers feelings of anger (such as a husband who is late doing his chores). Frustration is when something INSIDE yourself triggers feelings of anger (such as I can't seem to get this painting right). And resentment is when I stuff my irritation about another's behavior and do nothing (described humorously as "taking poison and expecting the other person to die").

      Spanking Andy is a great antidote for my irritation about his misbehavior. I would say I am often if not always irritated when I spank. But I would not say that I "spank in anger" because that sounds like I am out of control--and I definitely am not. Does my irritation drive my hairbrush higher and harder? Definitely. But I have never given Andy any long-term injuries (though he sometimes has a few bruises). I have never missed his bottom or upper thighs and hit him way too high or too low. He has never complained that a spanking was way too hard and that I was out of control.

      So I would say I "spank in irritation" but don't "spank in anger."

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    3. Thank you both Dan and Helen and I agree, some degree of anger makes the punishment more effective. I think Dan hit it correctly... stay in control during the anger is the key. The levels of anger are explained wonderfully by Helen I can see how well this concept works.

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    4. I tend to agree with both Dan and Helen. Although 'spanking in anger" is often considered a negative in our circles, the desired result (a better behaved husband) is often best achieved with an on the spot correction. And an on the spot correction usually means some level of irritation or anger on her part. That way, Dan gets the level of spanking he deserves, and Helen's hairbrush being raised higher and delivered harder is bound to have a positive effect on Andy's behaviour.

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    5. Good point, Strap51, regarding anticipation and spanking in anger being somewhat inversely proportional.

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  3. My wife doesn't use anticipation much. We both agree the offense and punishment should be as close in time as practical.Spankings are sort of like unsolved crimes: the longer it takes to solve the crime the less satisfactory the result (or chance there will be a result) Occasionally there is uncertainty whether my behavior deserves punishment as two weeks ago when I exceeded my wine limits at a party because of action by the host. That sort of situation can build anticipation if her decision making gets drawn out. But that isn't very often
    Alan

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    1. Hi Alan. I do think as a general matter, the offense and the punishment should be close together in time. But, maybe there is a middle ground. As I said, if a punishment happened a few hours or one day after the offense, I think the effect might even be enhanced. But, more than that and the emotional impact definitely starts to dissipate.

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    2. I really like Alan's comment: "The longer it takes to solve the crime, the less satisfactory the result." That is definitely true with Andy; if I find out about some transgression a week later and spank him for it, it is almost certain he has not learned his lesson and will repeat the spankable offense.

      Dan likes the idea of waiting a few hours and having the anticipation time to think about what he did, with the possibility of the punishment being enhanced by the time delay. That would just eroticize the punishment for Andy. We do a lot of Q&A during the spanking so that I know for sure that he is understanding why he is being spanked and what behavior he is promising to change. If I feel during the spanking that he is not getting the message and needs to reflect, I put him in the corner to think about his misdeed. That can be anticipatory and erotic for him, so wee have a rule that he is not to come out of the corner with an erection--and will get further punishment if he does. He needs to be thinking about what he did wrong and how he is going to fix it, rather than sexualizing the punishment.

      Maybe your past posts have discussed this, but I think a great topic would be the conversation that occurs before, during, and after a disciplinary spanking--and in particular how the disciplinary wife makes sure that her hairbrush is being heard.
      Helen

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  4. Andy is a spanko and thus anticipatory comments are a BIG turn-on for him, so I try to avoid them. I don't want him getting sexual pleasure out of the anticipation. Andy almost always has an erection at the beginning of a spanking and during the ritual preceding it, and if I don't spank hard enough he can maintain that erection. Since we both agree that in our relationship spankings are punishment, I have to make sure that I "spank him soft," and that means using my hairbrush with considerable vigor. So while I do give him warnings when he still has a chance to avoid a spanking, I don't do the reminder tease that some of you have described. He would love it if I did.

    I know it may seem contradictory that I am so strict about trying to avoid the erotic element before and during a spanking ... but we then get VERY erotic after a spanking. But we see no contradiction: Once the spanking is over and all is forgiven and guilt is assuaged, it makes sense to us to continue the intense intimacy with sex. He still associates the pain with the misbehavior, and the proof to us is that it seldom takes more than 3-4 hairbrush sessions for the same offense before there is long-term improvement (with occasional "reminders" needed).

    I know each couple is different, and for some the anticipatory comments may be quite valuable. But I have to do the dance of the disciplinary wife married to a spanko: Make corporal punishment work with a husband that loves the idea of being spanked.

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    1. Helen, I don't really see it as contradictory either. Though, I do understand the thinking of wives who decide they want no doubt about a spanking being purely discipline, so they don't have sex after it. That's not been our practice, however. In fact, it's pretty rare that we don't have sex after a spanking session.

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    2. Hi Helen, I've enjoyed your post so far. I had the same issue with my husband. Threatening him with a spanking is just a major aphrodisiac so I usually wait until its close to time. I want his spanking to be just that...a spanking meant for punishment in which I'm the only one who gets any sexual gratification afterwards.
      That is why I incorporated post-orgasm spanking which ensures that his paddling is strictly the punishment it is supposed to be. I highly recommend it to all the other wives out there! It really takes the sexual fantasy aspect completely out of it for him.- Jeanne (Houston,Texas)

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    3. Hi Jeanne,
      This seems to be becoming more popular perhaps among wives who tire of repeated spankings for the same misbehavior. I have experienced it with both women who have disciplined me although only a few (maybe three) and not for a while. I understand why you use it. As punishment it is very effective and two minutes of a hair brush after orgasm is probably equivalent to ten minutes without orgasm or more. But it takes much of the intimacy and closeness away and as far as removing sexual excitement (an erection) hard spanking does that and so does long term discipline. Elise Sutton, a controversial but knowledgeable disciplinarian acknowledges its effectiveness but does not recommend it for reasons similar to my own. Personally I think it is the nuclear option and should be reserved for problems where nothing else works. I am not criticizing your practice and discussions on this forum earlier have revealed a wide range of views with support for your approach as well. I just wanted to express my opinion because it seems to be increasing and I am not sure that is good in a DD relationship
      Alan

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    4. I have to admit that post-orgasm spankings are something I am glad I have not experienced. I'm not disagreeing with the practice while noting Alan's points, but I just can't imagine it being anything but agonizing. I accept that is kind of the point of real discipline, but that doesn't mean it is something I have any real desire to experience.

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    5. Jeanne,
      Post-orgasm spanking is certainly more painful and I totally understand incorporating it in a discipline regimen. We don't use it, for religious and sexual reasons already explained. But I certainly understand why couples would and it does remove the problem of a spanko being more aroused than punished. Nice to see another wife posting!

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    6. Danny,
      I don't put myself forth as a theologian, and I want to be brief to not go too far off topic. But the Catholic Church teaches that sexual activity is supposed to be "open to life," and that is understood to mean that the husband's ejaculation shouLd occur inside the wife without birth control. So if you have intercourse before a spanking and you orgasm/ejaculate inside her, that is fine. But more typically the wife will order the husband to masturbate before spanking him, and that is against church teaching (as is all masturbation to orgasm).

      I have heard of men who can orgasm without ejaculating. I don't know what the church would say about that, but it could result in the painful post-orgasmic spanking without "spilling your seed on the ground."

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    7. Susan G -- I had not seen that interpretation of that passage before. Fascinating! Your entry led me to read that whole chapter of Genesis again. It's like something out of an ancient Middle Eastern soap opera!

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    8. Hi all
      As to spanking your husband after he has had an orgasm I won't get into the religious aspect of it other than to say I think a married male should not masturbate without his wife's permission and knowledge. Otherwise I see no harm in masturbation but want to respect other women who do. But Maybe Alan doth protest too much about wives who use it to discipline. I do not require my husband to masturbate before every spanking because each spanking addresses a different problem. But I have probably used it a dozen or more times over the past ten years and I have never had to use it twice for the same problem. It is very effective and every wife should know about it and feel free to use it.If there are religious scruples then just make him come in you and then blister him. That is actually how I discovered it and used it the first time. Spanking him that way is also a good way to test his obedience and commitment to discipline. My husband actually starts to ball when I just tell him it’s going to happen. But he never forgets why it happened after it’s over
      Sherri

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    9. My goodness, I never meant to imply that I always use post-orgasm spankings nor did I expect to cause a biblical discussion on masturbation. I agree with you Sherri, a husband should ONLY masturbate if allowed to do so by his wife.

      And as for you Helen, I respect everyone's right to their own religion and beliefs. I too am a Christian and have read the Bible many times and have found clear discrepancies between the teachings of Christ and the traditions of Catholicism. But I have friends and family of your faith who are very dear to me.

      Alan, I don't always spank my husband after orgasm but many times I do. And I really don't care what any of the husband's here have to say about it! A husband that objects is just topping from the bottom and doesn't really want a dwc wife to begin with. My husband dreads going over my lap to begin with but he REALLY dreads going over my lap after an orgasm!

      What drew me to post-orgasm spanking was that I found that my husband's rump was going numb after five to ten minutes of steady paddling. I know this because of his reaction and he admitted it to me. So to combat this I had him masturbate into a towel in front of me and then had him climb back over my lap to continue his spanking. The reaction I got from him was like he was starting over fresh again which is exactly what I wanted!

      My husband is tough and has a fairly high pain tolerance so that is another reason I use it. He hoots and hollers, squirms and moans but he never bawls although I have seen tears in his eyes after a hard paddling many times. Spankings are rare these days because my husband is generally well behaved but when I do find it necessary, it is entirely up to me whether or not its post-orgasm. It's great to hear from all of the like-minded ladies here.-Jeanne

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    10. Sherri, I love the image of the Strict Wife, receiving missionary style intercourse from her man, not at all aroused (or pretending not to be!), exhorting him strictly to hurry up and get it done as he has a very severe spanking coming. Poor hubby doing the deed, begging his strict wife not to, tears in his eyes knowing what's coming! As soon as he's spent, right over the knee! ...will have to give that a go...

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    11. Julie and Sherri, you are both truly evil. :-)

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  5. Plenty of anticipation in this house! I will often get a number of signposts (hints, direct promises, txts, etc) to advise me that a spanking is due 'when she is ready'. The warning usually puts me on my best behaviour in the vain, conflicted hope that she will go easy or forget. Either would be unusual. In terms of behaviour modification it is very clear that anticipation produces an improvement in me. And on the topic of erotic spankings - whilst I find the whole subject of spanking quite erotic as a fantasy, the reality is painful and embarrassing. But I 'enjoy' the before and after, I like the dynamic tension of living in a relationship where physical punishment is a real possibility at almost any time. My wife understands this tension and whilst not a 'spanko' she uses my interest to control me and get what she wants - a happy, balanced marriage - an outcome which is good for both of us. TB

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    1. I too get on my best behavior after a spanking has been ordered even though, as with you, it is always in vain. Hope springs eternal.

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  6. I felt a lot of anticipation last week. My wife was gone on a trip for medical reasons, and she had given me strict instructions about the maintenance of the house. I worked hard to keep things clean, and I have to admit that the anticipation of her inspection gave me a thrill while I was doing the housework.

    She arrived late at night and we went straight to bed. I was craving sex but knew it wouldn't happen for several days for medical reasons.

    The next day she walked around the house, picking up a few things but not saying much. Again I was full of anticipation. I was hoping that she would either praise me or scold me, but she really did neither. I know that her acceptance of what she was seeing was positive--it meant I had done a good job cleaning--but I definitely wanted more, some sign of the disciplinary relationship, some reward or punishment. But her position is that I don't deserve to be rewarded just for doing what she expects of me.

    That night we were snuggling in bed and talking. It was a very warm and affectionate conversation. Of course I got an erection. She played with it a bit and that felt really good. But we are strict Catholics and she believes that all of a husband's ejaculations must be inside the wife, so I knew I would not have an orgasm. I had masturbated to completion while she was gone, and while she was playing with me I began to feel guilty--something I had never really experienced before to that level. I had misbehaved, and here was my Disciplinary Wife giving me pleasure.

    I haltingly told her I had something to confess. The anticipation was beyond intense. I was turned on but I also was apprehensive. I told her that I had masturbated to completion while she was gone. She immediately let go of me. She didn't say anything for a while. Then she told me that what I did was against church teachings. She started scolding me. My feelings were so jumbled up. Excitement, embarrassment, apprehension, all at once.

    At one point she pointed her finger at me and said, "You were a bad boy!" I thought my erection would explode. But I also felt very submissive to her. She then fell silent again. I was expecting her to give me some kind of punishment, but she said nothing. Eventually I said, "I think I should be fined for masturbating."

    She quickly agreed. Then she asked me to present a number. "And don't be cheap or I will double it," she said.

    I hesitated. I asked her to give me a number instead. I wanted it to come from her, the disciplinarian.

    "$50," she said.

    "Yes, Ma'am," I said. But my relief must have come through.

    "That was too easy," she said. "$75."

    "You said you would double it," I blurted out, not even knowing why I said that, since I had not suggested the lower number.

    "Yes, that's right," she said. "A hundred."

    The next morning I presented her with a hundred-dollar bill and thanked her for disciplining me. She took the money and smiled at me, as if to say, "I hope that hurts." And it definitely hurts my discretionary stash. But I felt so good that she was taking me to task. So from now on I am paying $100 every time I masturbate to completion. And I have to tell her the truth. I believe that will be a true deterrent. It hurts, but it also feels really good.

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    1. That's great! It sounds like she is stepping into this role, even if it's not in exactly the way you want or maybe need. I don't know whether she is interested in any books on this subject, but my wife recently read The Hesitant Mistress, and it really had a pretty big impact on not just her openness to all this, but her enthusiasm for it. It is a short read, the chapters are each easily digestible in a few minutes, and it isn't big on dogmatic "You must do this or you're not a real Domme" kind of stuff. While it does cover "scening" and more BDSM role playing kind of stuff, that is not a major part of it and, for the most part, it deals with "real" relationships as opposed to fantasy role plays.

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    2. I was raised a Catholic (Altar boy) and have never heard of this religion not allowing masturbation. I'll bet there are a lot of good Catholic men that broke that teaching, including myself.

      John

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  7. Depending on circumstances Dev will sometimes say something subtle like “ we need to have a discussion later”. That gives me time to worry about things till the time arrives. Sometimes the spanking is immediate where she simply says “ bring me the paddle !” There have been times when I’ve been aroused as I went over her knee. To Helens point when it’s a disciplinary spanking things go soft quickly and stays that way.

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  8. Waiting to be disciplined or actually waiting in general, is another way that my wife shows her control. It's psychological, as well as physical. When outside the home, perhaps shopping or in a restaurant, if she says to me, "wait until we get home," then I know I'm in for it. The other phrase she uses is, "I'll .(fill in the blank)....when I'm good and ready." Both phrases let me know that I live my life on her terms.

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    1. I understand. As I wrote a couple of weeks ago, when I self-reported an offense recently, my wife made me sit in front of her and wait while she did something else. That definitely amped up the feeling of being under her control. But, the same thing doesn’t work if she just leaves me in a room waiting for her; I just get bored and my mind drifts to other things.

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    2. Dan, when left alone just waiting, if I have to stand in the corner then my mind doesn't drift; however, she doesn't make me do that often. More I have to sit on my hands and wait. That keeps me reminded that I'm waiting for her. - A

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    3. I can see how that might make a difference.

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  9. Hi Dan (and others),
    I can see how there may be truth about anticipation and spanking in anger being inversely proportional. However for my wife and I, that is somewhat a moot point because punishments right after an infraction almost never happen due to logistics (if that is what we are calling children these days)! We don't spend too much time thinking about what may be ideal, but rather we do what is actually possible.

    However, as I have mentioned before, the strangest thing happens with my wife. She seems to have the uncanny ability to tell me that I am going to be punished and then just put all the emotions surrounding the issue in storage. In the time leading up to the punishment, she almost seems as if it has already been dealt with, so merely her by pronouncing impending punishment it becomes a done deal in her mind.

    Then, at the actual time of the punishment, she takes all those stored emotions back off the shelf and they are just as fresh as if the incident had just occurred and she vents her emotions on my backside.

    Either way, there is a huge difference (both in how it is given and how it affects me) between a punishment for something that is just for my own good and a punishment for something that has hurt her feelings.

    As for the whole trying to make sure the whole thing isn't too erotic, I guess I understand that to a point, but at least for me that would greatly diminish the effectiveness of DD. Everything about DD is a huge turn-on for me: her being in control, her having sole authority to decide why, when, how, and how much I will be punished, etc. However, the actual punishments are certainly not a turn-on because of the shyness I feel and because of how painful they are, though they may still be sexually charged. While I have little doubt that a spanking could be much more painful after orgasm, I think it would also lose much of its effectiveness for us. DD works so well for us NOT IN SPITE OF it playing to my fantasies (for lack of a better word), but rather PRECISELY BECAUSE disciplinary spankings are such a strong fantasy for me! When she speaks to me through my deepest fantasy, her words and feelings penetrate to my very core. So, I really see post-orgasm spankings as being the "nuclear option" as Alan said, and not something to be normally used. IF anything, I could see it only at the end of a punishment, where as a final (and severe) punishment, she could make me have an orgasm and then finish the punishment off.

    The same holds true for the not wanting to build anticipation because it turns him on too much. I would say that everything that turns him on only serves to make the whole thing more significant, and you can pretty quickly take care of him being turned on by a serious application of a paddle (or strap I presume, though because we don't have a proper one I have yet to experience that).

    Anyway, to each his or her own, since we only know what works for us, and even that we are learning as we go!

    -ZM

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    1. Hi ZM. I suspect that removing all the sexual charge from a spanking would make it much harder to take. But, I do think that the FLR component probably would not work for me at all without the erotic aspect. It’s very hard to be bossed around in that moment, and it is the erotic charge of her being in charge that makes it palatable, and I do think it is better for me to be subject to that authority. Now, it is paradoxical to some extent and it may be the difference between someone who is mainly DD-oriented and someone who is a “natural” submissive, but in the moment when she is telling me to do something I don’t want to do, there is ZERO eroticism in that for me. But, it’s a distinction between big picture and little picture. It’s kind of like aerobic workouts. I know they are good for me, so I do them, even though in the moment I freaking hate them.

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  10. Dan
    When I began using Discipline with Peter, our boys were 8 & 9 years old. We were for the most part restricted to Friday evening and Saturday till dinnertime. That was when my folks gave us the gift of Friday nights and Saturday morning for as my sweet mom would say" Grown up Play". As I have described here several times while I took the boys to my folks Peter would go upstairs and undress and stand with nose against the wall in
    the corner of our bedroom. I would the spank him for any infractions of our rules. After a return to the corner and wait for me to shower. Then he would shower and dress and we would go to dinner. No sex on that night.
    Later When Peter did something that really deserved severe punishment ( an example would be when he drove our boys home from a game and he had more to drink than he should have ) I was furious and insisted he masturbate and then I spanked him. We would go to dinner and after dinner I would spank him again.
    Now with one son on his way to college in the fall and the other a senior in high school we have more time to
    be flexible for discipline. This past week the boys have been away with my folks.Monday nite for example Peter was two hours late for dinner and hadn't called.When he came in I had him drop trouser in the kitchen. He forgot to call and I had dinner ready and waiting. I t took the bread cutting board he had made in shop in high school and paddled his bottom. After the spanking I sent him to bed without his dinner.
    We have become flexible as parents and as I tell Peter often I cant wait until I can react at the moment of his
    failure to the rules that he himself agreed to follow.
    Anna

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    Replies
    1. Hi Anna. It’s been interesting — while I thought that being semi-empty nesters, DD would escalate in a major way. That’s not really been the case. I think it has given her some more leeway to be more openly dominant. But, it seems like as as soon as kids become less of an impediment, other aspects of “real life” interfere. But, while it may be kind of two steps forward, one back, that’s still moving forward.

      Delete
  11. Hi

    With me it only occurred once. I had embarrassed my wife in a meeting of friends. I received a severe spank for it.

    2 months later before a new meeting with the same friends my wife asked "Do you know what will happen if you repeat your idiot jokes?"

    I said yes, but she said, "Go to the bedroom and take off your clothes and I'll make sure you behave."

    During the meeting with our friends I could not sit and behave.

    Well

    ReplyDelete
  12. Sorry I'm late to the party, but love to hear the new women joining in on the topic. Please keep it up. My wife will tell me several times a day that I'm going to be spanked for something I have done wrong, but usually only get spanked once a week, for all my misdeeds.

    John

    ReplyDelete

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