If we are not ashamed to think it, we should not be ashamed to say it. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships.
Before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers, if they still exist, to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. While I’ve always said the blog is open to both men and women, one of our commenters suggested I expressly invite our female readers to join the discussion. try to be more expressly inviting in order to get a little more female involvement.
I hope you all had a great week during my absence. We were traveling, which usually is a virtual guarantee that I’m in for a spanking, since any form of travel seems to bring out the worst it me.
This time, somehow I managed to keep my worst impulses in check, other than drinking too much but that was kind of the nature of the get-together. I felt like I not only did better than usual, but Anne actually got to see a husband who shared basically my worst behaviors, but a couple of orders of magnitude worse. I guess if you want to look thin, sometimes it’s good to stand next to fat people. . .
Great job to everyone in keeping the conversation going with any help from me. I actually did see many of the comments as they were posted, but I didn’t have a lot of time to respond. I posted a few responses today, in case anyone is interested.
In general, it struck me that we have multiple members who have been in this lifestyle awhile, yet their wives are suddenly stepping up their level of strictness and control. I’m very interested in hearing details about those continuing developments.
Earlier today, Norton suggested this as a topic:
One idea I had was to talk about what has happened when you tried to explain your DD relationship with others. I have never had any luck doing that, and it really backfired when I tried to share it with my therapist. The fact that DD has made me so much more balanced and happier in my life would make it seem like she would want to know about how it worked. Instead, it was evident she was completely clueless about DD, and was mostly concerned for my safety. She was hopeful that someday I might evolve from this desire to be spanked, which made me regret ever bringing it up. When I have dropped hints with friends, they don't seem remotely curious, so I no longer even try. Have you had any luck trying to share your lifestyle with others? That is just the first thing that came to mind, but if you have other suggestions for a topic, please put them up.
Alan also suggested an expanded scope for last week’s impromptu topic, but it came late in the week and didn’t get a lot of response:
Let's expand this scope also to include:
1. the most memorable spanking you have received
2. and the first real disciplinary spanking.
3. How do those compare to the last spanking received
So, let’s do both of those. I’ll take a shot at Norton’s first.
As a preliminary matter, it seems to assume that others commonly do try to explain their DD relationship to others, but I have big doubts about whether that actually does happen very often. If anything, we males on the receiving end of a DD relationship seem to be very reticent about sharing our experiences.
As for me, I have told exactly one person to date. I describe her reaction as sort of “polite disinterest.” At first, I think she was somewhat intrigued, because it was a very new concept, and here was her fairly Alpha male friend telling her he was actively engaged in something seemingly very un-Alpha. Anne also talked to this same friend about it and shared some intimate details. This initial sharing happened several years ago, and it has come up from time to time since then. I think she’s interested in it in the same way most of us are interested in what is going on in our friends’ lives. But, it’s something that I don’t think resonates with her on a personal level.
For a while, I saw an acupuncturist who was very “holistic” in her approach, beginning each session with probing questions about things going on in my life that might be impacting my well-being. I thought about telling her some details about our DD practice, but I ultimately decided not to. I think her reaction would have been similar to Norton’s therapist. She had made comments about how I tend to do everything to an extreme, and I think she probably would have seen DD as taking a normal need for accountability and self-improvement to an abnormal level.
How about you? Have you tried to explain your DD need or details about your DD relationship to anyone? For the ladies, have you told any friends or relatives that you give your husband disciplinary spankings? How did those conversations work out?
Regarding Alan’s questions:
“Memorable” spankings for me tend to be about what led to them, or how the circumstances indicated some fundamental change in the relationship. Examples might include:
· the first time she made me come home from work for a spanking, and the anxiety I felt every minute of that 20-minute drive
· the first time she gave me a very harsh spanking for forgetting a chore, as it showed a level of control and strictness that she hadn’t really displayed up ‘til then
· the first time she spanked me during the day, with the window shades open, as it showed an increasingly cavalier willingness to display her own authority
I don’t really recall very much about that very first “disciplinary” spanking, perhaps because it turned out not be all that disciplinary. I had proposed DD to her a couple of days earlier, and after reviewing the Disciplinary Wives Club website, she told me to go buy a brush. I did, but it was the flimsy kind of thing you see in most hair salons. We decided to do our first spanking that night, largely so we wouldn’t back out of the whole thing. Neither one of us really knew what we were doing, and the combination of the flimsy brush and the OTK position left me feeling not-so-disciplined.
The first spanking I really remember with clarity was the first one in which a system we used early on to tally up a minimum number of swats based on various behaviors added up to 65 swats with the fraternity-style paddle. I hadn’t taken anything remotely close to that many up to that point. I recall two things about that spanking. First, my stunned reaction when I told her I didn’t think I could take that many and she replied that, if that was the case, I shouldn’t have committed the infractions and that I would be taking that many. Second, I recall being left very, very sore and very, very bruised.
How do those early and most memorbable spankings differ from our most recent one? I would say our most recent one was pretty memorable in that it was done in a different room and she initially wanted to leave the blinds open even though that room faces neighbors we know well. Once again, it was the surrounding circumstances and not the spanking itself that was memorable. In terms of how the intensity has changed, I can just copy and paste ZM’s answer from last week:
“In terms of severity, my wife obviously spanks much harder and longer than she did in the beginning, but I would say this actually peaked a few years ago and dropped off some. Recently, she seems to be taking the severity a bit higher.”
How would you answer Alan’s questions? What was your most memorable spanking received or given? What was the first disciplinary you received or gave like? How does your most recent spanking compare?
I hope you have a great week.
I have explained the DD lifestyle with a few of my vanilla friends. All of which sort of asked or shown some form of interest. This ended any disinterested feelings on their part during the discussion. I start off by focusing on common marital or cohabitation issues most men face, arguments, silent periods, holding grudge or revisiting past infractions. In our FLR, a good spanking for punishment ends all the above. They seem to be more interested after digesting those facts. One couple was interested enough to actually try the lifestyle. They did not become 24/7 followers, but agreed the spanking worked.
ReplyDeleteHi Dan,
ReplyDeleteI answered Alan's questions last week, so will mostly skip over that one and just chime in on what others write. One thing that you wrote that I wholeheartedly agree with is your characterization: "'Memorable' spankings for me tend to be about what led to them, or how the circumstances indicated some fundamental change in the relationship." This is absolutely true for me as well. I don't so much remember individual spankings so much as I do the circumstances around them. This is also 100% true for childhood spankings. I remember a couple of times I was spanked and the feeling of knowing I was about to be spanked, but don't remember the actual spanking at all.
For my wife and I, generally, anytime she shows increased strictness or resolve, I remember it. This is similar to the familiar "be careful for what you ask for because you just might get it" refrain. This actually getting more than we expected is probably the most common theme of F/M spanking stories, and is also pretty much 100% of my memorable spankings.
Now on to telling people.... Undoubtedly one of my very favorite subjects! And, most ironically, as I think about it, I really haven't told anyone in so many words! I just feel like I have, because my wife has shared so openly with a few others (my wife's sister and one of my wife's best friends).
The closest I have come is telling my friend about my wife and I having check-ins, and when she asked what happens if I don't get things done, I joked about "that's when the spankings happen" or something to that effect. I don't know if she thought anything of it, or just assumed I was joking. She has made multiple - mostly veiled - references to it in the few years since I told her, but always in a joking manner. So I really have no idea what she thinks.
On the other hand, my wife has told both one of her best friends and also her sister EVERYTHING about our DD relationship, and that she gives me real spankings for real offenses because this is something that I have a need for. Of those, the friend asked quite a few questions, came over once to see some of the spanking instruments, and was at the house in the other room while she knew (and most certainly heard) my wife was spanking me. My wife's sister, on the other hand, listened to everything, and didn't seem against it or anything, but rather she just didn't really care much about it. My wife also told one of her friends that I was at home cleaning (while she was shopping with her friend), because I was being "punished." The friend acted surprised and said "punished?" and my wife told her yes, but they didn't talk more about it. Then, when the friend dropped her off at the house, the friend said something about how she hoped I had dinner ready or something like that, but after that, the topic never came up.
In every case, the person being told was open enough about it and the reaction was positive or indifferent, but never negative. But this is because if you are going to tell anyone, and if you have any emotional intelligence at all, you watch the person and gauge their reaction, and only proceed if you see they are ok with it. If they show any negative reaction, it can be easily turned into a joke.
I think the idea of telling a professional (doctor, therapist, or whatever) would almost never work, because they usually don't know the people involved enough, and so out of their sense of professional responsibility have to assume the possibility of abuse and warn about that.
-ZM
ZM said: “In every case, the person being told was open enough about it, and the reaction was positive or indifferent, but never negative.”
DeleteThis concisely sums up my experience with both people finding out about our DD and as well me trying to explain it to someone. That seems important because the apprehension many have is based on fear of a negative reaction.
I have been surprised by some of the non-negative reactions, however. My wife confided in her mother before we were married and got a very positive reaction. Likewise, her sister about which I have detailed earlier. I have good reason to think that several others in her family know. but she has told me it was “all good.”
All of this has made me think most people either don’t care or less often respond positively if it connects with them.
The two biggest surprises I can remember were two male friends whom I felt safe confiding in because each had at least one fetish himself and so I assumed he would understand and/or be interested. Neither really was, and one was pretty clueless about why I would let a woman spank me (although he had an intense foot/shoe fetish
Alan
"This is also 100% true for childhood spankings. I remember a couple of times I was spanked and the feeling of knowing I was about to be spanked, but don't remember the actual spanking at all."
DeleteVery true. I remember being threatened with spankings on several occasions when I was young. But, even though I am pretty sure the spankings did happen in most of those cases, I don't really remember it. Also, school paddlings have always had emotional power over me, yet I'm not sure I ever actually received one. On at least two occasions I was sent to the principal's office and was very sure I was going to get one, but it didn't actually happen. But, the memories of anticipating it coming are very strong.
Regarding telling others, I wonder how much it matters (if at all) whether the person told is the same gender. The one friend I have told outright is a female, and it sounds like that is true of you as well. I think that, while I never articulated this to myself, telling a female friend seems way less threatening than telling a male. This isn't a completely abstract question for me. It's been several years since I made friends with a male outside of work, and the work context definitely limited what I might even theoretically share. But, I recently started becoming friends with a guy I met through some community activities. Anne and I later met his wife, and we both thought there was a very strong "female led" vibe. Not necessarily sexualized, but definitely a very strong "she wears the pants" element. We don't know each other well enough yet to talk about anything that personal, but for the first time in years, I could envision it happening.
BTW, feel free to repost your comment to Alan's question. Others might want to comment on it in this thread.
DeleteBeing able to confide in male friends definitely makes a difference. It helps make it feel normal and therefore removes a disincentive for continuing.
DeleteJ
When I told my therapist about our DD, my G/F was with me in the office. One would assume that if a professional learned it was consensual, helpful, and that I requested her to do it, there would be no abuse involved. They also might be curious to learn about a behavior altering method that seems to really work. It's unfortunate that DD is not recognized as being a legitimate, possibly even life altering, lifestyle, for couples that want to practice it. As I've said before, it is wonderful being with a woman who is willing, and strong enough, to spank me when I need it, which seems to be often. I don't seem to be earning much discipline lately, and that is probably somewhat due to her increased intensity of our weekly maintenance spankings. Anyway, our DD has made me more respectful, sensitive, and attuned to my partner's needs. She gets a man who drinks less, and is now a happier, more flexible, less cynical person. How many other couples could benifit from DD, but are discouraged and shamed because it perceived as kinky?
ReplyDeleteI can think of at least two factors that could make a therapist squeamish. First, psychology historically has pathologized vast swaths of human behavior, particularly sexual behavior. At one point or another, virtually every kink--not to mention much of what we would consider fairly "vanilla" sexual behavior today--has been categorized in the various DSM editions as a diagnosable psychological condition. So, while I think the profession probably has become a little more sensitized to its proclivity for deeming a lot of kinky activity as aberrant, that is the background in which many are practicing.
DeleteSecond, I suspect many therapists these days would frown upon any "therapeutic" method that involved physical punishment or coercion, no matter how effective it might be. Therapists are human and, like all the rest of us, have their own conditioned biases. And, given our society's increasing condemnation of corporal punishment in general, I doubt therapists are going to get any less biased against it when used by adults, regardless of consent.
I also suspect there is a gut reaction that if someone "wants to be hurt," it is an unhealthy impulse.
"How many other couples could benifit from DD, but are discouraged and shamed because it perceived as kinky?" Maybe, but one could also make the case that it is the perceived kinkiness that draws many people to it in the first place. The kinkiness probably does scare away some, but it attracts others.
Norton said: “It's unfortunate that DD is not recognized as being a legitimate, possibly even life-altering, lifestyle, for couples that want to practice it.”
DeleteI think Dan is being kind to this therapist who I hope you stopped seeing after that performance. Yes, many therapists are still hanging out in caves, but younger ones (say 40 or younger) should never respond to a patient as she did.
A patient in therapy should be able to tell a therapist almost anything and expect he or she to work with them where “they are” (confessing any kind of ongoing child abuse is an exception because of the ubiquity of mandated reporting laws in most states) As countless surveys and anecdotal evidence suggests, spanking is now so mainstream in adult relationships that any therapist who doesn’t know that should not be practicing
Alan
Alan, you're right that I probably was being too kind. But, I can see how it's probably still a nuanced problem for mental health professionals. Yes, spanking has gotten very mainstream. Erotic spanking. I don't think the same can necessarily be said for spanking that is focused on corporal punishment. Even popularized spanking literature like 50 Shades evidences this split. Yeah, that book went a long way toward liberalizing attitudes toward spanking and kink. Yet, it also has this deeper underlying theme that the dominant's BDSM desires are too "extreme" and that they arose from him being neglected and abused as a child. In fact, the whole plot is a pretty conventional "bad boy meets good girl who reforms him" trope, but in this case the reformation involves the male moderating his kinkiness toward more socially acceptable, i.e. more vanilla-like expressions. On balance, I think that book liberalizes only a very narrow range of "kink," while subtly condemning activities that are on a kinkier part of the spectrum.
DeleteWith that as the cultural zeitgeist, I can see how a therapist might be fine with erotic spanking, yet find the DD variety indicative of some kind of dysfunction. I'm obviously not advocating that position in any way, but I do wonder whether real DD would get a positive reception from a majority of clinicians even among those under 40.
I don’t disagree at all with your reflections on “Shades.” It had some impact at the time. But I think its biggest role was to give folks an excuse to talk about something they (or many) already wanted to talk about. As literature in any guise, it was an utter waste of time.
DeleteAs for therapists, when first confronting DD in a clinical setting, he or she would want to ascertain that abuse was not present. But in the situation, Norton described, it sounds like it should have been obvious fairly quickly that there was no abuse. Beyond making that determination however a good therapist would approach the issue as the patient presents it and try to determine if it is clinically a problem to the patient (in this case, to the couple involved). From there he or she would use the information to advance the therapy in a completely non-judgmental way.
I am not suggesting that this is the way therapy always unfolds in the real world. But I am suggesting we should all demand the medical services we receive reach at least a minimum level of competency, In the situation Norton describes, it doesn’t sound like that happened
Alan
I think it is helpful to have two reasons (or more) for doing F/M DD. The DD aspect can help keep up enthusiasm during times when the kink isn't there.
DeleteJ
Good comments, Dan. Yes, DD probably almost always starts with kinky play. None of us choose this path, any more that folks would choose to be gay. The American Psychiatric Association finally voted to remove Homosexuality from the DSM in 1973, but it took 30 more years for it to become legal in the USA. Now, they have parades. Attitudes change slowly, if at all. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, things can change. It seems unlikely there will be more acceptance of DD here anytime soon, especially the F/M flavor. However, eventually, my hope is it will become more accepted, simply because it works.
ReplyDeleteNorton, I agree that change happens slowly, then all of a sudden the once taboo becomes perfectly acceptable. People often forget that mainstream liberal politicians, including Barak Obama, were against gay marriage just a few years before they were for it.
DeleteWhere I disagree a little is on the "none of us choose this path" proposition. I'm pretty clear in my mind that I chose it. Yes, when I found the DWC it hit me with a lot of emotional force, yet I still had a choice about whether to pursue it. And, my wife very much had a choice about whether to try it. In fact, I would say that most of our wives and significant others did not begin as DD enthusiasts and had a very clear choice. So, for me, I can say I made my own choices, and I don't think society's reaction to those choices does or should hinge on whether they are immutable. I support gay marriage because I am basically a small "L" libertarian who thinks none of us should have the right to dictate what goes on in other peoples's bedrooms, not because I think people who engage in homosexual sex have no choice in the matter.
Dan wrote: when I found the DWC it hit me with a lot of emotional force, yet I still had a choice about whether to pursue it. And, my wife very much had a choice about whether to try it”
DeleteAgreed, but for some, that latitude of choice is fairly narrow or may not exist at all. Take Jillian Keenan as a convenient example: she has rather eloquently argued that she had no choice about being a spanko -and in fact, if I am not mistaken, she has said at various times and in various ways that spanking is more important to her than sex (penetrative sex)
I believe the choice latitude both you and your wife experienced may be at the other end of that continuum –but for the large majority of spankos, there is a delimited latitude of choice at some point on that continuum.
My wife, for example, could have continued to be a wife under her husband's discipline. She did have that choice. But she doesn’t feel she ever had the choice to not be a spanko at all. She made the choice of which side of the paddle she belonged, as did I –but not whether the paddle needed to be part of her life.
I spanked several women in romantic situations before I met the GF, who introduced me to spanking. If I had not met her, I might have continued my spanking life as an only partially fulfilled spanker. But while I had that choice, I didn’t have the choice whether to be a spanko. That was embedded in me from at least 5 years old, possibly earlier.
Regarding gays, I am very much ideologically aligned with you (especially the small l libertarian; Large L libertarians are just scary in real life). I don’t know how much choice gays have and I don’t care. It’s none of my business.
Alan
I agree there is a very wide range when it comes to how much our various psychological attributes are "hard-wired" for lack of a better word.
DeleteBased on various people I know who are gay or bisexual, I think it too probably is a range, from very hard-wired to Dennis Miller's classic line that "Every woman is 4 drinks away from a bi-sexual encounter." In my wife's case, he's wrong. She's very adamant that she is wired 100% straight. On the other hand, the friend who I told about our DD relationship had a girlfriend in college but is now married in a heterosexual relationship, and I think was pretty flexible in-between. I kind of care what the statistics and studies say about the immutability of sexual orientation, because (a) I just think it's interesting; and (b) policy does end up being made around such data, rightly or wrongly. So, I don't think of it so much as it not being my business, but more about I care as an academic exercise but not as any basis for judgment.
I agree Large L LIbertarians are scare and, honestly, pretty indistinguishable from anarchists. I mean, their official party platform objects to jury duty as involuntary servitude on a par with slavery.
Dan, you said that when you "found DWC, it hit you with a lot of emotional force, yet you still had choice about whether to pursue it" With me, it never seemed like I had a choice about what turned me on, and the spanking obsession just continued to get stronger. So, yes, I could have just lived my life without it, but for me, that would be similar to making the choice to live without sex. If one is as "hard wired" as I seem to be, it really doesn't seem like a choice. It does seem much more like a choice for our women, and it often takes awhile for them to realize the benefit. First they need to find out if they are strong enough to be dominant and to assert their authority.
ReplyDeleteUnderstood, and I wasn't implying that for some people it isn't a choice. I was quibbling with only with the "none of us" part of the statement.
DeleteI’m definitely a hard wired spanko from youth. I found the DWC website and was floored that there were couples that practiced DD. My hard wired nature comes from the
DeleteSpankings I witnessed and received growing up. Never a week went by, without some
Sort of bare bottom spanking in my home or at church.
Paddlings at school were the norm. I have been sparked in some form, by every girlfriend I’ve ever had. Some were enthusiastic and some were not. When I approached my wife, I was open about it because with my ex, I was not. She used the strap a few times and you could tell she was uncomfortable. When I met my wife I introduced erotic spankings and we went from there. I’m happy she obliged because she despised being punished growing up and based on her stories, she was verbally and physically abused by her Mother (more so emotionally). I think due to the change in my attitude, is the reason she thrashes me when needed. I also like that the air is cleaned immediately after a good spanking.
T
"I’m happy she obliged because she despised being punished growing up . . ." Honestly, this doesn't surprise me that much. We often talk like we're these biological automatons, who experience something in childhood then automatically act out some program based on those childhood experiences as adults. But, we're way more intellectually flexible than that, and I don't have any problem understanding how your wife could have very hard feelings about corporal punishment in one setting and be perfectly OK with it in another.
DeleteRegarding myself, I haven't fully explained to anyone else in person except the aforementioned military colleague. He wasn't shocked to find out that we were practicing F/M DD, firstly because the conversation started because I recognised that he was receiving it and secondly because he was on the receiving end of much more than spanking from his wife!!!
ReplyDeleteWith that in mind, opening up to him was always going to be easy! With him now being deceased , it is just a shame I don't know of any other men receiving such things from their wives who I see in person, at the moment. Hopefully I will find them soon though.
J
I get why you would like to have that kind of "in-person" connection. As much as I like the weekly interaction on this blog, and sometimes engaging by email, it's not really the same thing as an in-person conversation.
DeleteDo you seek this sort of interaction with other F/M DD men? If so, how do you do it? Or how would you do it? Or how would you do it based on everything you know about me?
DeleteJ
P.S. I hadn't thought about e-mailing. How open are you to e-mail interactions generally?
DeleteJ
I wouldn't say I seek it out, largely because I don't think there are that many of us to interact with, and this group has never gelled into something like the DWC that apparently did have a substantial in-person component.
DeleteI'm relatively open to e-mailing, as long as it's with someone I've established a track record with on the blog. Sometimes I do get random emails from lurkers, and I generally encourage them to participate in the blog first and foremost. The issue with email is that it's not much more personal than blog participation. I've found that even Zoom calls just aren't really a substitute for face-to-face, non-electronic communications. At least for me. I've always been the type who thrives on having beers with a close buddy or two, and electronic friendships, while they can be very real, still aren't the same thing as actually hanging with someone.
Thanks for the thoughts. I haven't exactly had loads of "electronic friendships" centred around F/M DD either, and hopefully, some face-to-face friendships where the subject is discussed will follow. Maybe I'll e-mail sometime?
DeleteJ
Feel free
DeletePicking up first on Spanked Cowboy’s point at the top of this chain. Exactly, when we started DD waaay back, that was one of the initial drivers, that we left both the guilt and the anger behind and immediately moved on. We always believed that this was a substantial contributor to the success of our marriage - and frequently would look at other couples feeling that they needed it too.
ReplyDeleteI do tend to disagree with Norton’s point though, I think a wider acceptance of DD is far more likely for F/m than for M/f. While I’m sure that many men would find it impossible to buy into, the one gender based characteristic that remains true is that generally speaking, men tend to be bigger and stronger than women. I think therefore that when presented with a couple who practice DD, a therapist - or anyone who is aware of it - is more likely to suspect abuse when the man is the spanker and more likely to assume consent when he’s the spankee.
I know my wife has told at least one friend, and I think one of her sisters something about our lifestyle, although I’m not sure to what extent. Whatever they may know, I’ve never picked up any kind of vibe from them. I however have never known anyone - male or female - who I would remotely consider telling. I think that’s part of the attraction of this group, having others to converse with on the subject. I’ve sometimes wondered how it would feel if one of her friends knew the whole story and wanted to be present, not that I expect it ever to happen. Although we did have a situation a few years ago - just before Covid kicked in. We have always had an interest in other aspects of the lifestyle in addition to DD, and I am a switch. I had a sub I had been playing with occasionally for more than a decade - and she also had some switching tendencies. My wife had rotator cuff surgery and her right arm was completely out of action, so one day we arranged for her to come over and they gave me a really good going over together, with my wife more-or-less directing and my play partner wielding the implements I admit that being (effectively) spanked by two women together is an interesting experience and one that I would be willing to repeat. I find it interesting how many of us in this blog were originally introduced to F/m DD by the DWC website. I’m guessing it’s been inactive for close to twenty years yet still apparently is having quite an impact. Finally on the assortment of topics in this comment, hard-wiring. I guess had a fairly sheltered and conventional upbringing, Corporal punishment was not a part of it and was in no way the norm in that community, however I was fantasizing about spanking in my teens, long before I knew it was a thing. So yes, I would have to say that I am definitely hard-wired for it, although I can be equally happy on either side of the paddle. TG
I've had a couple of friends who I felt were on a bad trajectory and could benefit from DD, but I also never got a hint that it was something they would ever consider trying. To the contrary, I thought they might have rejected it and me. So, ultimately, I never told them.
DeleteI think you're right that, while M/f erotic spanking has reached a high level of acceptance, M/f DD may be an entirely different matter and much harder for some to accept. I admit that early on I had a negative reaction to it, because of the potential for abuse. I've come around on that, after interacting with a female blogger who is in a M/f dynamic.
I think we started DD in 2004, and the DWC website was at least somewhat active then and for probably two or three years after that. And, while they stopped updating it, it at least was still accessible. I am exploring ways to get it up and running again, working through Aunt Kay's husband. It really was a great resource and definitely has influence many, many people. I'm still not quite sure how it became so well known to people with any interest in this, but it clearly did.
I understand. I get the idea that what people fully consent to is not really my affair, but M/F DD is something I can't foresee myself being enthused by, because I am too much of a traditionalist. I see the husband as being there to protect his wife from physical violence, not inflict it.
DeleteAlso, I see F/M spanking as being sort-of there to redress an imbalance that exists because of the physical size and strength difference. Almost an act of chivalry: the husband takes the spanking to restore harmony following a disagreement because he is more physically able.
J
J., my views are somewhat similar, though I recognize that they are rooted in a very traditional "you don't hit girls" upbringing that, in some ways, doesn't reflect that some women want physical discipline for exactly the same reasons guys like us do. I do think DD works to address imbalances, but I've had to nudge myself to accept that the imbalances are often within the individual -- many of us get into DD precisely because we are extreme in our needs to perform and improve. We have an outsized need for accountability. While I think maybe men are more subject to those kinds of imbalances thanks to our testosterone surpluses, women have it too. One woman I met through blogging is in a M/f dynamic, and it's clear that her motivations are very much like my own.
DeleteDefinitely. Lots of points I agree on. As you imply, men and women are very different and an F/M DD setup helps bridge the gap.
DeleteJ
I wasn't introduced to F/m spanking by the DWC, since I had been thinking about that for many years. However, it was the DWC that made me start to realize (this was a many years process of realization) that what I had been craving all those years was real punishment for real infractions, rather than just some femdom activity.
Delete-ZM
I don't know it for a fact, but I assume that was the route many took to and through the DWC. Without some preexisting spanking interest, how would anyone have eve found it? Even in my case, there was a short period where we had experimented with erotic spanking after I saw a segment on HBO's old Real Sex show and got intrigued. It was sometime shortly after that that I searched on-line for something spanking-related (probably something as generic as "women spanking men" or "wives spanking husbands") and the DWC came up in the search results.
DeleteIt was interesting to eventually find the DWC online. I had been searching early on in the internet with dial up. I found a bunch of pics online, but when the DWC came along, it stirred me in a profound way. It also brought back many memories of my youth. I concur with Bad Boy, I was not looking for Femdom or humiliation, so it was a breath of fresh air to find a site for F/M DD. We have kept our DD private with the exception of one of her friends knowing. I thought about telling another friend at one point. I then realized it would probably not have benefited me in anyway, so why bother. I enjoy this blog, because I could actually articulate my feelings, as others, without judgement
DeleteWhen I was digging around on the web a couple of years ago - actually when I discovered this blog - I found that the vast majority of DD sites were not only M/f, but were religious -based. I realize t had there are perfectly healthy M/
ReplyDeleteF DD sites out there. My point was concerning perception rather that actuality. (And yes, I found the preponderance of religious DD sites very disturbing). TG
ReplyDeleteWhat's wrong with a religious bent per se? Some probably claim the Bible supports M/F spanking, but I lean more towards the other way around.
DeleteJ
I don't think there is anything wrong with it per se. But, what worries me about is that, thanks to both differences and physical strength and societal norms, abuse does seem to me to be riskier in a M/f setting, and then you add on top of that the idea that a punitive god has dictated that the woman *should* submit to the husband. And, even if it was within a F/m dynamic (I've seen the biblical arguments for it, but I know my Bible well enough to be unconvinced), bringing god into the equation as dictating physical punishment makes the whole idea of consent very tricky.
DeleteExactly. Women who are submitting to punishment because they believe God requires it rather than anything within themselves. And husbands who believe they have a god-given right to inflict pain. I think many people would define that as abuse today. TG
DeleteMy wife recently watched a documentary about the Duggars and the religious group--basically a cult--they were part of. She made the comment that it looked a lot like our lifestyle, but in reverse, with the men empowered to physically discipline any time for any reason. One could argue that the religious element doesn't make a difference or that the M/f element doesn't raise different issues, but I think the element of just how free the consent is really is different, or at least subject to more common sense doubt.
DeleteDan, which biblical arguments are you personally aware of?
DeleteOn the subject of consent, if we are talking about a large and well-built man, it is harder to argue that it is lacking.
J
I'm not sure I would call the Duggars a cult, because one implied element of a cult is being secretive: they openly proclaim their virtue. However, what is reasonably hard to dispute is that they presented themselves as paragons of virtue and moral purity, but they were found wanting as a family.
DeleteJ
I agree that "Christian" M/F DD is troubling from a consent standpoint. Obviously already M/F DD is on shakier ground with regard to true consent, considering the relative physical strength of the average male vs the average female. So physically, she is already in no real position to resist if he is that determined. Now adding an additional layer of religious-imposed guilt on top makes true consent seem much more difficult, though admittedly not impossible.
Delete-ZM
I'm not sure whether people who study cults would say secrecy is an element. But, it's a tricky thing to find any definition that really works. There is a Netflix series called Wild, Wild, Country that focus on the Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh's followers in India and Oregon, who are labeled a cult by many. One of the followers, who is a lawyer, makes the point that if you look at how most people define a cult--charismatic leaders, top-down control structure, rigid behavioral rules, etc.--the US Army checks more of the boxes for "cult" status than did the Rajneeshis. It's a tough line to draw, and I could argue that the only real difference between a religion and a cult is the passage of time.
Delete...and survival and adaption of the cult that ultimately evolves into a "religion". There is a clear pattern historically in the " survival of the fitness" among the hundreds of sects that become full-fledged religions.
DeleteAlan
Alan, yep.
DeleteGrowing up in a strict Bible household, I never heard of DD M/F. I would have assumed in my teenage years, I might have stumbled across something or overheard a conversation surrounding Christian DD. I personally would not want a M/F DD relationship. Although I enjoy slapping my wife’s naked rear end, to punish her like she punishes me, would not be comfortable for me. I would not be shocked if there are many “Biblical DD “ M/F relationships where men punish their wives. It would not bother me, as long as it was 1000% consensual. Growing up, most women in the church, were subservient to the men. The man was the head of household and made all final decisions.
DeleteT
We had. MAJOR blow up a few days ago. Things are a bit better now. This could easily end up out in the “ woodshed “. It’s been a long time since we’ve been out there and have only been spanked there a couple times. They are the worst ! She hasn’t said or indicated anything but my gut feeling is that’s where everything will be discussed. JR
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like your woodshed events are something to be avoided at all costs.
DeleteWhat's wrong with it is the vast majority of religions are male dominant, and are supportive of the male dominant culture we live in. As TJ said, us guys are usually bigger and stronger, and a couple that practices F/M spanking is a challenge to the notion that men should always be in charge. That said, I see nothing wrong with a couple that wants to practice M/F spanking if they are wired that way. I have enjoyed spanking many women that want it, but I never really wanted to dominate them in the way I want to be. As has been mentioned many times before, it is usually being under the authority of a strong woman that seems to be the turn on for most of us.
ReplyDeleteI don't oppose the idea of men leading, but I think F/M DD is a very good way of keeping the husband in line and maintaining an equilibrium, particularly in male-led marriages. Without F/M DD, the husband doesn't have so many "guardrails".
DeleteJ
That’s an interesting thought : F/m DD in male-led relationships. It seems counter-intuitive but your point about guardrails makes a lot of sense. It might not make as much server to some of the “leading” males though. I would have difficulty assigning a label to our relationship, we’re really a partnership in most ways, with some elements of FL. The DD only goes in one direction though. TG
DeleteTG, that's pretty much exactly where we are. I would say we are a pretty typical, relatively egalitarian partnership, with some dabbling in FLR, with very one-way DD. The FLR aspects could grow over time. In some ways they have, but it's been very incremental. There is no doubt the DD will stay one-way.
DeleteWelcome back, Dan. I can't say that I have ever discussed my marital spankings with anyone, though I've thought about whether Beth might share any of those details with her sisters and/or female friends. It's intriguing enough to me that I've suggested that I'd be okay with it, but she has no interest in going there. The reality is that she's probably right, but I have to admit that there is an erotic aspect to the idea.
ReplyDeleteMy very first spanking from her would have to be right up there with the most memorable ones. Although we had discussed it several days before and both agreed to try it, I still had doubts about whether she would follow through with a serious one. Beth had never been spanked herself and certainly hadn't given one. I guess you could say that she rose to the occasion as she delivered a surprisingly effective punishment spanking. Over the years since then, the sessions became longer and harder, but even as a novice, she acquitted herself rather well.
Kevin
"It's intriguing enough to me that I've suggested that I'd be okay with it, but she has no interest in going there.The reality is that she's probably right, but I have to admit that there is an erotic aspect to the idea."
DeleteThat's probably an accurate summary of where we are, too. Part of me wants to be "outed," and that has a strong erotic appeal. And, less erotically focused, part of me just doesn't see others knowing as being as big a deal as I once thought it was.
While our experience so far with others knowing is very limited, I would have to agree that at least so far, it very much appears to be much less of a big deal than I ever imagined it would. People are busy with their own lives and quite frankly just don't care all that much about the inner workings of other people's relationships.
Delete-ZM
Repost from last week:
ReplyDeleteAs far as the most memorable spanking I have received, that is almost impossible to determine, but I will list several and the reasons they were so memorable.
One spanking occurred several years ago, when my wife called me at work and was angry about something. She didn't tell me what it was exactly, but that I was getting spanked when I got home. I don't remember the spanking so much, but rather the anxiety I felt all afternoon until I went home. In a similar vein, I was traveling another time, in 2017, and my wife opened Messenger and saw a conversation which was not bad, but could be easily misinterpreted, and she called me very upset. I remember the butterflies I felt in my stomach the next several days.
Another very significant and memorable one was when she spanked me to tears. She has spanked me sort-of to tears other times, where I was on the verge or perhaps beginning to cry, but this one was different. I had had several bouts of bad attitude, and she informed me beforehand that I was going to be spanked, and it would continue until I was in tears. The combination of her telling me beforehand that the spanking would only end with me in tears, a horrible Delrin cane, and her employing the diaper position definitely did the trick. She stopped spanking shortly after I began crying. She said she would have liked to go longer, but it was hard to see me cry. I kind of have a feeling that if we get to this point again, she would be more comfortable pressing on with it.
And certainly the most memorable spanking so far was the one I have recounted many times here, where her friend - who is fully aware of our DD activities and why my wife spanks me - was in the living room while I was being spanked, so she could certainly hear. Also, my wife left me in the corner with my phone twice or 3 times, but left my phone right by me. She then texted me to blindfold myself and get myself with butt in the air over the bed, and "one of them would be in soon to spank me." I remember how my heart was racing beyond belief during all this. It was certainly one of the most intense times in my life.
The first real discipline spanking was also super memorable to me. The spanking itself was not that much of a shock, since I had played several times with a college student before, who spanked me very and long, but never for disciplinary reasons. What probably was the most surprising was just how much resolve my wife (girlfriend at the time) showed once she decided to spank me, and the feeling I had that this was actually happening, since I had been thinking about it for many years.
Finally, how do these compare to the most recent spanking? In terms of severity, my wife obviously spanks much harder and longer than she did in the beginning, but I would say this actually peaked a few years ago and dropped off some. Recently, she seems to be taking the severity a bit higher. One thing this had in common with all but one of the spankings I recounted above (the one where the friend was present) is that she was emotionally driven and was basically "venting" on my bottom in all these. I guess that is a significant factor in just how memorable the spanking is, probably because in those cases I feel guilty about making her feel that way.
-ZM
I don't usually say much about the photos, though I usually like them. However, one photo caption really resonated with me this week: "Your bottom will heal in a couple of days, but you won't be able to so much as glance at my hairbrush without your heart leaping and your bottom clenching ever again." I love the description of the way anything DD draws and captures my attention.
ReplyDelete-ZM
It had that effect on me too. Even the part about "your bottom will heal in a couple of days" got me. While I never like it while it is happening, part of me definitely gravitates to spankings that are hard enough to require real "healing."
DeleteDan,
DeletePresumably that would mean if say they open flesh (like a school caning)?
J
Out of curiosity, how much do people here desire to have male friends who they could discuss F/M DD with? One-on-one? In a group (say meeting at a bar, restaurant or other public place)? In-person? By voice? Written methods of communication?
ReplyDeleteJ
With me, the desire comes and goes. For the last few years--maybe as a result of the pandemic isolation we all went through--the idea of "community" has had a strong pull for me. It isn't an accident that Ted Lasso was one of my very favorite series, because it's all about community and vulnerability and expressing feelings. For me, one-on-one is usually better than a group, largely because I am in introvert and I enjoy one-on-one conversations or maybe two-on-one. Big group gatherings drain me. I have talked to a few people in DD relationships (two women, on opposite sides of the paddle, and Aunt Kay's husband) by video and telephone, and lots of written exchanges. As I said above, emails and even Zoom calls are better than nothing, but they still aren't the same as having a conversation over a beer in a bar. Of course, most of my socializing IS conversations over beers in bars, so it's not like I gravitate toward that only for DD conversations.
DeleteTBH, J: not at all. I could conceivably be on board with with a conversation that involved a hypothetical friend of my wife who hypothetically knew, but can’t imagine such a conversation with another man. TG
DeleteTBH, not even if he were in a DD situation himself?
DeleteJ
Dan,
DeleteHopefully, you will come across such guys if you desire to (at the time). I'm not sure I am likely to imminently, though I would definitely like to. To me, it is a bit like talking to guy friends about sex: I maintain a very high bar regarding who I will open up to about such things and it is not the same if the guy friend doesn't practice it as well.
J
I certainly think about how I might share details with my wife's close female friends and relatives, but she shows no interest in that. It's way too personal and has said she would be embarrassed for both of us if people knew. It's a side of us that no one would suspect and my wife would like to keep it that way.
DeleteTalking to males about it, or even couples, is a non-starter for me. This website provides a great opportunity to discuss things, but it's not something I'd be comfortable with in real life.
Kevin
Kevin, I get it being a non-starter. And, for reasons I can't explain, for me it does seem way easier to talk about it with women than men. I have talked in person with four people (face-to-face live with two, Zoom or phone with two others) about this lifestyle. One is the female friend who I told about it shortly after we started in the lifestyle. Two others I met through their blogs, and they are on opposite sides of the paddle. Both women. The other one is Aunt Kay's husband, known on the DWC as Jerry and here as Tomy. While I really like him and we have come to share a lot, it really was harder at first for me to open up to him than to the women, even though as males in F/m DD relationships, he and I arguably have the most common perspectives. Maybe deep down inside I just see women as less judgmental? I really don't know. Hate to see myself as being sexist in that way, yet I really don't know why I found it harder to open up to a disciplined husband than to three wives, one who was vanilla, one who was in a M/f dynamic, and one who was a very dominant wife in an FLR.
DeleteJ. Good question. How would you ever know ? Hence the attraction of this blog. I know the DWC did have physical get-togethers for the couples, although we found it too late to be part of that. My impression is that most contributors here would not wish for that. Personally I think it’s something I could get on board with - thereby I guess answering your question. TG
DeleteTG, I think that sums up where I am, too. I'm honestly not sure anymore where Anne is on it. When we discovered the DWC, it was still going though probably well past its height. But, I think it was early enough that had I wanted to, I could have met Kay and Jerry. Part of me really wishes I'd been less paranoid back then about confidentiality and had taken that step.
DeleteIf my wife and I met another couple who also practice female-led DD or something like that, I could see myself talking semi-openly to the other guy. However, that is the only way I could ever see myself talking to a guy about DD or really most anything else involving relationships. On the other hand, I would find it much, much less difficult to talk to a woman about this or again about anything involving relationships. Perhaps part of this is because I don't have many close guy friends at this time in my life, but as I look back, even when I have had very close male friends, I simply could never see myself talking about anything involving relationships, sex, DD, or anything personal like that. Instead, we talked about jobs, money, cars, motorcycles, house projects, and things like that.
Delete-ZM
Exact same thing here, ZM. I've usually had both close male friends and close female friends, but the conversations with the women have, honestly, always covered more ground. Even when I've had very close male friends, we might sometimes talk about our relationship with our wives and things going on with our spouse, but almost never about sex. I don't really know if we're typical in that respect. I sometimes get the sense that some men--though probably in that single male, late teens an 20s demographic--do talk about sex more.
DeleteI talked about our form of DD over a few drinks with a very close (male) friend of mine a couple of years ago. He said they’d tried it, she didn’t like it and we have never discussed since. He was neither surprised nor especially interested in what I told him.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of severity, I have been encouraging my wife to be more consistent in using DD (which she does frequently) rather than other marital approaches such as arguing, etc. She has finally let me know that she sometimes does not feel confident enough, especially if I am ‘in a mood’ to call my bluff and get the strap out. We have agreed that as I am an adult and reasonably intelligent, that I should know when I have misbehaved, been disrespectful or whatever and that I need to ‘own up’, and ask for the appropriate punishment if she does not take the initiative. My first ‘own up’ was yesterday and I got the longest, hardest strapping in a very long time as a result. When I pointed this out today she said that she felt that a) it was overdue and necessary but b) because I had owned up she felt more comfortable pushing (my) boundaries in severity. We have also agreed that if I don’t ‘own up’ to an obvious transgression, that she will insist that I do and increase the severity even further…. Feels like a Pandora’s Box has been opened… TB
"She has finally let me know that she sometimes does not feel confident enough, especially if I am ‘in a mood’ to call my bluff and get the strap out. We have agreed that as I am an adult and reasonably intelligent, that I should know when I have misbehaved, been disrespectful or whatever and that I need to ‘own up’, and ask for the appropriate punishment if she does not take the initiative."
DeleteTB, that's great. I think my wife felt a lot like yours until maybe a couple of years ago. But, I admit I find the second part--taking the initiative and owning up to it--very hard. I did do it earlier this week, but the fact is I often fail.
The effect it is having on me is that I now feel more responsible for my behaviour which I guess is exactly the outcome that my wife would want … I imagine that this only holds true if I am 100% committed to always ‘owning up’ … TB
DeleteTB, it's often a hard issue for me. On the one hand, I think "owning up" really helps with consistency and obviously helps actually fix bad behavior over time. On the other hand, I think overall the relationship works better when she's the one driving the disciplinary process, being strict and holding me accountable without me first "owning up." To the extent the process starts with me owning up, it still feels like I'm the one in control.
DeleteHi Dan and TB,
DeleteI am absolutely with Dan on this one. While "owning up" might be helpful in improving behavior, for our DD relationship she needs to be the one who is driving the whole thing. Otherwise, as Dan said, I feel like I am the one in control, and DD loses much of its power. For me, the whole reason DD works so well to change not only my behaviors and attitudes but also my very thoughts about issues, my beliefs, and my mindset is because it has a connection to my need for imposed female authority. The more I drive the process, the less powerful it becomes.
Thankfully, this works well with my wife, because in general she not only doesn't expect self-reporting, but in fact actively dislikes it. There are exceptions to this, but most of the time this is not what she wants or expects from me.
-ZM
I think Anne is kind of in the middle. It's usually been me who has initiated any of our (mostly failed) reporting schemes. Yet, she does seem to want, or at least appreciate, journalling, which sometimes has a reporting component. So, I don't think it's something she expects, but it doesn't seem to be something she actively dislikes either.
DeleteOwning up has been a slow process. I have eventually come to the concluison that because I asked for real DD, it is my responsibility to be as honest as I can. Her responsibility is to hold me accountable, which she usually does. Writing transgressions down in a journal and then reading them to her has proven to be a reliable method of doing this, and is easier than trying to remember things I need to tell her during a check in. As I have said before , the biggest challange for me has been sticking to my beer limit. Many times I have woken up realizing I went over the limit, and need to put it in the journal. I used to send her a text, letting her know I had gone over my limit, and could expect to get a punishment spanking soon after. I seldom go over any more, but it took years and lots of hard, long, spanking to help me accomplish that. As far a s telling others, I have only told one male friend. He was interested, but didn't understand it, and isn't wired that way. I have many male friends, but find it easier to talk with women, and If I was going to share our DD relationship lifestyle, it would be with a woman. My partner has told several friends that she spanks me, but she never has gotten explained the true nature of our DD. They probably just assume it's kinky fun. Of course for me, it's being held accountable and wanting her to assert her authority, which is very different. My fantasy would be having her girlfriend or sister witness a real punishment spanking, for something I did that really annoyed her, so she would be very sure to deliver the real thing and not hold back. This almost happened once when I was driving and made a reckless turn with 2 of her friends in the back seat. She just gave me "the look" and made some comment, but she could have said, "you will be getting a punishment spanking for that as soon as we get home." If that had happened, the ride back would have been pretty interesting, and probably very quiet. It's probably best she didn't do that, but it was a nice fantasy.
ReplyDelete"Many times I have woken up realizing I went over the limit, and need to put it in the journal."
DeleteI had an experience kind of like that this week, and it was kind of odd. I had met up with some former colleagues who were visiting our area. At some point, Anne sent me a text reminding me to keep the alcohol reasonable. I texted back that I'd had four drinks spread out over four hours. The next morning, I replayed the night in my mind and knew I'd had more. The odd thing is, at the time I sent that text, I really don't think I thought I was lying. I'm never great at math anyway, but particularly I'm very bad at it after beers.
As far a s telling others, I have only told one male friend. He was interested, but didn't understand it, and isn't wired that way." It seems to be a common theme that the way people react to being told about these lifestyles depends largely on their own pre-existing "wiring." Few seem to be offended by it, but many simply aren't wired to be interested in doing it themselves.
I am somewhat surprised by the comments indicating reluctance or reticence in discussing TTWD with other males who have been identified as in, experiencing or otherwise understanding or understanding F/M discipline. In fact, one of my unfulfilled fantasies is to be seriously disciplined together with another male under female authority his wife and my wife both acting as independent disciplinarians.
ReplyDeleteThere are probably many causes of this fantasy including seeing how another DD couple handle discipline But I think a major reason for the fantasy is the opportunity to have conversation and possibly friendship with a male who has the same emotions, desires and experiences I have had. I have shared much of that with my wife (and earlier with my former GF) but seeing another male under discipline or him seeing me might presage an openness and vulnerability very different from that experienced with the opposite sex.
This may be one of those fantasies better left in fantasia. And if it actually was fulfilled, the experience could be very different from the fantasy. However, I think the benefits of being in face to face, person to person zoom less connection with another male under his wife authority would end up a very positive experience
Alan
Alan, I admit I'm surprised to at how many people aren't at all interested in that kind of contact. Totally to each his own. but I am surprised that so few seem open to any discussion with others or certainly any discussion with any male.
DeleteI wouldn't say being disciplined with another male who was also being disciplined is a fantasy of mine, but I don't think it's something I would be resistant to either. The other scenario that is closer to a fantasy for me is one Aunt Kay's husband related here a few times in which DWC husbands were sent to other DWC wives for discipline. Being directed to go to another couple's house to be spanked, with that other husband present or in earshot, definitely rises to the fantasy level for me, even if it would probably be mortifying at the time.
“,,, DWC husbands were sent to other DWC wives for discipline. Being directed to go to another couple's house to be spanked, with that other husband present or in earshot, definitely rises to the fantasy level for me,…”
DeleteAnd for me also. But I think it is (for me) a fantasy driven by the thrill of the enormous authority my wife would be exerting in doing that as well as the consequent embarrassment from obeying her, as I am sure I would.
Presumably there would be some embarrassment if the spanking was overheard, but I don’t think I would be all that embarrassed from another male under female discipline hearing me receive discipline. Almost paradoxically, a male not under female discipline seeing or hearing would be deeply embarrassing
Alan
"Almost paradoxically, a male not under female discipline seeing or hearing would be deeply embarrassing."
DeleteI totally get that distinction. A somewhat related example involves Anne deciding to spank with our window shades open. I don't get that embarrassed by it because I think the chance of our neighbors seeing into our bedroom window is pretty low and, moreover, I barely know them. But, the people who were in the house before them included a wife that I had a few difficult exchanges with (related to dogs barking). Her seeing a spanking or knowing about our DD arrangement would have been *very* embarrassing because not only did she know who I was, but she clearly didn't like me.
Photos or vids of men being spanked by their wives is a turn on to me, but having another guy witness or overhear a spanking is not. Having a woman discover I was being disciplined is a nice fantasy, but another man learning about it would just be embarrassing, especially is he was a friend. That said, one of the most erotic fantasies I got from the DWC was that some wives would sent their husbands to be spanked by women friends. They would also instruct their husbands to visit friends to get spanked if they went on vacation. That would probably be a very embarrassing ordeal to have your wife's friend invite you in for a spanking, but eventually, it would become normalized. In that case, having another spanked husband overhear your spanking wouldn't matter. Because F/M spanking always has a sexual element, the couples would have to be very close, and would need to be able to trust each other, so that no sex would be involved. It would seem very natural that everybody included within your circle of F/M spanking friends would know you were a disciplined husband. That was an amazing experiment, which seemed to work well for many years.
ReplyDelete