Hi all. I hope you all had a good week. Thanks for your insightful comments on crying, among other things.
Anne and I just got back from a trip, and I find myself lacking both energy and inspiration. Therefore, I don't have a topic in mind for this week. If there is anything any of you would like to discuss, feel free to try to get a topic rolling.
This blog is a curated resource for those genuinely and positively interested in DD and FLR lifestyles. Comments that are rude, uncivil, inconsistent with the blog's theme or off-topic may not be posted or may be removed. Please use a name or initials (doesn't have to be your real one) when commenting - it helps commenters keep track of who is "talking."
One suggestion I have it to discuss the difference between the level of discipline you are currently getting, vs your idea of what you wish it was. Is your wife strict enough? I think I answered that about myself in my last post, but would be interested in hearing from others.
ReplyDeleteGood suggestion Norton. Clearly my previous contributions indicate a chasm between expectation and experience. That mental chasm is exaggerated by the knowledge garnered by use of professional disciplinarians. So partly the fault is mine for seeking out and expecting a certain standard. The rest of the chasm is down to Mrs Good Life's limited interest in being firm and strict with me and her inability to talk about any matters she considers intimate. All this is not to say I'm unhappy but I am, as expressed on and off on here over the last 7/8 years frustrated. I really thought a breakthrough was happening back in early spring but that turned out to be a small step forward with caveats. Still we plough on and take what we are given. Cheers GLM.
DeleteGood topic, Norton. I am like Good Life Mickey, insofar as there is a chasm between my DD fantasies and reality with my wife. It’s not that my wife isn’t strict. She is quite strict, at least she was before my cancer diagnosis and the corresponding anxiety caused her to back off of strict FLR. At the peak of our FLR, my wife was quite strict. She expected me to obey her and to listen respectfully when she expressed displeasure or annoyance. Because I was generally obedient, most spankings were attitude adjustments rather than serious punishments. Therefore, they tended to be much less harsh than punishments I fantasize about. I love spanking pics in which the woman looks angry and the man is crying. I also love the fantasy of being humiliated that way in front of or within the hearing of witnesses.
DeleteI realize that my fantasies of spousal DD resemble the spankings I got as a kid. When I was a kid, I feared my father’s belt so much that I would sometimes cry before the punishment started. I feared the pain, and I feared the humiliation of having my bottom bared with sisters in the house, sisters who would hear and might even see. And because my sisters were blabber mouths, I feared the embarrassment of neighbourhood kids knowing I had been spanked. In my fantasies, spousal DD would be as frightening and embarrassing as the punishments I received as it kid. They would be harsh, humiliating, and non consensual. And like my parents when I was a kid, my wife would be utterly unconcerned about people knowing she spanks me. In short, I would fear spousal punishment the way I used to fear parental punishment. That’s the fantasy. In reality, I respect my wife’s authority, but I don’t fear her. As screwed up as this might be, I would like my wife make me fear her. Maybe this is a variation on the theme others discussed last week in relation to tears: a desire to feel that DD is utterly beyond my control.
GH
Hi GH,
Delete"In my fantasies, spousal DD would be as frightening and embarrassing as the punishments I received as it kid. They would be harsh, humiliating, and non consensual. And like my parents when I was a kid, my wife would be utterly unconcerned about people knowing she spanks me. In short, I would fear spousal punishment the way I used to fear parental punishment." - Every part of this resonates strongly with me. And in the end, I don't think you were particularly afraid of your mother, but rather your mother's punishments, assuming that you knew full well that she loved you and wanted the best for you. I see no reason it couldn't be the same in spousal discipline. I would not be afraid of my wife, because I know she is motivated out of love for me and desire for our relationship to be strong. But I could well be afraid of her punishments. As far as "harsh," she already spanks hard, but also pays a bit too much attention to my reaction, so maybe harsh would be spanking however she felt, regardless of if I was crying, writhing, verbalizing, etc. I don't find it all that humiliating when my wife spanks me, but if she were "utterly unconcerned about people knowing she spanks me," that could certainly qualify as humiliating. And of course, it would never be truly "non-consensual," because I could physically resist her, but considering my need for DD and imposed authority, if she really gets it in her head that she is going to punish me, it would absolutely happen.
Very interestingly, on the lack of concern about others knowing she spanks me, in the days since last Saturday's punishment, my wife told both her sister and her friend that she had spanked me and the reason. It was not all that big of a deal, since both of them knew about the DD relationship, and the friend is the one who had been in the other room during one of my punishments before, but still it felt like a further ramping up. One thing that made it more interesting this time is that her sister is coming to visit this weekend from another country in Europe (we are in southeastern Europe), so I will see her while this is still fresh in her mind, and also the friend, who up until recently I had only seen every few months, I have seen almost daily in the past week, so it adds a certain immediacy to everything.
-ZM
Hi ZM,
DeleteThanks for your your response. It is true that when discipline is given in a strict but loving manner, we fear the discipline, not the disciplinarian. That’s the ideal, but my feelings derived from childhood experience (trauma?) are complicated. I was spanked by both parents. But the punishments I feared most were when my mother said “wait until your father gets home” instead of punishing me herself. I actually feared my father. I even went through a phase of hating him because of overly harsh punishment. I have been sorting through this stuff with a therapist. I think I have forgiven my father, but I also realized I had to forgive my mother too because she was ultimately in charge of discipline. My father worked long hours outside the home, so being punished harshly by my father was a sentence decided by my mother. The way my wife spanks me is closer to my childhood experience of maternal discipline than paternal discipline. But because of the way I have, for some screwed up reason, eroticized the pain and humiliation I experienced as a child, I want my wife to inspire the kind of fear my father did. I have even fantasized about being spanked by another man at my wife’s behest. I wouldn’t really like that, but I have fantasized about it. As I said, it’s complicated.
GH
ZM, a couple of further points. It fascinates me that you don’t feel humiliated whenever your wife spanks you. We all are all slightly different. I am unable to experience spanking as anything but humiliating, even when it is a totally private act between my wife and me. I think it’s because I feel humiliated in my own eyes, and hers, to be punished like “a naughty boy” by a woman to whom I am supposed to be equal. It feels emasculating to be stripped of adult status by my wife. It also turns me on, although it’s uncomfortable while it’s happening, as many other guys have said.
DeleteI also have complicated feelings about consent. Like you, I could physically prevent my wife from spanking me, but it doesn’t feel entirely consensual because there is some psychological force that compels me to submit to her discipline. If she decided to reveal to other people that she spanks me, the humiliation would be heightened to an almost unbearable degree, but I think I would feel compelled to submit. That’s why KOJ’s story about being taken aside and spanked by his wife at a party gripped me. It seemed totally plausible that KOJ would submit to that embarrassment because I felt that I would feel compelled to submit in that situation. I also find your situation fascinating, with your wife having told her sister and her friend that she spanks you. Makes me blush empathetically, although you might not feel as embarrassed as I would be in your shoes.
GH
DeleteGH,
Embarrassment and humbling around the idea or reality of being spanked seem to manifest differently from guy to guy. For example, I am not embarrassed that my wife can discipline me. I am proud of her for doing it. But certain rituals of the spanking can be very embarrassing, like having my pants taken down (a big one) or being led by her hand to the spanking site and most of the scolding and prolonged corner time when she is watching.
I do relate to your comments about complicated feelings about consent. Yes, discipline is consensual from the start, but like you, the feelings to obey her and accept it are compelling. I do believe that if I thought she was being abusive, I would stop it (as, of course, my physical strength would allow)
However, in the context of our consensual relationship, there is no doubt that she has considerable power (this is where the complicated part begins). For example, when I verbally or physically resist being spanked, her will has usually prevailed. If, for example, I stand up during a spanking, trying to stop it, she will gently but firmly maneuver me back in place to finish the spanking.
We both understand that all this is consensual. Still, the psychological forces that act on me often make it, in practice, the unilateral exercise of her authority, which I either can’t or don’t want to disobey.
Her telling others is also something I can’t or don’t want to stop, and I feel that is her decision. She has told others, and there was an initial embarrassment, but that passed.
So, yes, “complicated.”
Alan
Very interesting thread here, guys.
DeleteGH, a huge amount of what you wrote resonates with me, including:
"In my fantasies, spousal DD would be as frightening and embarrassing as the punishments I received as it kid. They would be harsh, humiliating, and non consensual. And like my parents when I was a kid, my wife would be utterly unconcerned about people knowing she spanks me. In short, I would fear spousal punishment the way I used to fear parental punishment. That’s the fantasy. In reality, I respect my wife’s authority, but I don’t fear her. As screwed up as this might be, I would like my wife make me fear her."
So much there that hits my buttons. While I didn't get spanked very often as a kid, like you I had an experience with my father's belt that left me angry with him for several years. Yet, something about that dynamic of being disciplined by someone larger and stronger than you, such that you really are not in control, worked its way deeply into my psyche, such that in my fantasies I want that sort of control imposed on me. To the point that, like you, I've had fantasies of being disciplined by another man on my wife's orders.
Regarding wanting to be afraid of your wife, I get the distinction ZM is making between fearing your wife, on the one hand, and fearing her punishments on the other. Yet, for me, I think the distinction is kind of splitting hairs. Since my wife would be fully in control, yes her punishments may be the most direct thing I would be afraid of but, like with your mother, it would be her *decision* that I would spanked that would be fear-inducing, regardless of how or by whom it was carried out. For me, fearing the decision to punish or the act of punishment itself, but not fearing her as the one deciding or delivering, isn't that meaningful a distinction.
My wife being "utterly unconcerned" about others knowing also resonates, particularly in light of her recent comfort with spanking with the window shades open. It's not the prospect of someone seeing that is powerful, rather, it's her confidence and lack of concern.
I've talked before about a dream I had that is one of the few really powerful spanking dreams I can remember, and it touches on several of the themes you raised. I was at some gathering, like a holiday lunch or something, at the office. In addition to all the office people, my wife was there and also my father. For reasons I don't recall, I was to be taken out and spanked by our (male) office manager. The sense in the room was everyone thought I deserved it. I objected and argued to my wife, and she very cavalierly looked up from her table, almost contemptuously, and told me to go take my spanking, then she waved her hand dismissively and went back to what she was doing. My father also spoke to me, saying to go take what I had coming. What really stayed with me from that dream wasn't the spanking itself. In fact, I woke up as I was being taken out of the room for it to be delivered. Rather, it was my wife's utter lack of concern and, indeed, dismissiveness. Also, how cavalier she was about the spanking being delivered by someone else.
Where I do agree with ZM is I too don't feel much embarrassment, let alone humiliation, from the fact of being spanked itself. I can feel some embarrassment or humiliation in the face of a particularly strong lecture, but taking the spanking doesn't in and of itself really embarrass me. From the beginning until today, by far the most embarrassing thing about our DD relationship was the night I suggested it to her, not knowing how she would react.
Dan, that’s a powerful spanking dream. There is so much going on in it. I think that if I had a dream like that, my therapist would see it as a goldmine. Unfortunately, I rarely remember dreams, and I seem never to dream about spanking, which is strange considering how obsessed I am with spanking consciously. I do occasionally have dreams about being naked in public places and feeling extremely vulnerable and embarrassed. That sort of relates to the CFNM element of spanking, I suppose.
DeleteLike Alan, I find having my bottom bared for spanking to be the most embarrassing element. Dan and ZM, I understand the logic of your not feeling particularly embarrassed. My wife sees me naked all the time, so in most circumstances I don’t feel at all embarrassed to be seen naked by her. But when I have to bare my bottom for a spanking, I feel acutely embarrassed, as though she is seeing me that way for the first time. And every time feels like the first time. It’s not rational, I realize. That’s just how it is.
GH
For most of our almost 20-year DD relationship, I very rarely had spanking dreams. The one I recounted above was one of maybe three I could remember. This year, I seem to be dreaming about it much more, though I almost always wake up before the spanking actually happens, and most of them are nowhere near as vivid as the one I just described.
DeleteGH and Norton,
DeleteI find I resonate with both of you on the discipline needed; and receiving it the way I fantasize about it. I never feared my
Mother growing up, but definitely feared her bare bottom spankings. They were not cruel but the point was driven home very clearly. She made sure you were thoroughly punished, embarrassed and humiliated. I definitely want this from my wife and I have stated this to her. I think where we are cross wired differently, is that as my wife has aged; she has bitter resentment towards her Mother. Her Mother was emotionally and physically abusive at times in her childhood. It’s something that she has gone to therapy about and continues to do so.
She made it her point to ensure this never happened with the kids. The love and outpouring of support for them can be at times overwhelming and I felt earlier on placed onnyhe back burner. She can go there when needed. Her scolding and spanking at times are legendary, but unfortunately it’s not consistent enough for me. There are times when I feel I need to be thrashed severely and she misses the mark. She had a big problem with me raising my voice at times and getting animated. She hates it and it reminds her of her ex and Mother. I did tell her then, the next time you should thrash me. It’s something I don’t like doing anyway and I know if she orders me upstairs, I won’t say no.
She just needs to be consistent on her punishment. My wife can be domineering when she needs to be. She had it in her. I can tell at times she stops when she should not. She doesn’t want to hurt me and of course loves me. I like you guys crave the type of punishment like the ones I observed and received while younger. I’ve had a few and they definitely put you in your place rather quickly.
T
Hi Dan,
DeleteThe distinction I was trying to make, whether I succeeded or not, was that I am not truly afraid of my wife because 1) we love each other, and 2) I trust her judgement that any pain that she causes will be semi-reasonable and the effects will be temporary. But I still can fear the punishment because I know that it will hurt, regardless of just how temporary the pain will be. Consequently, I can also fear her making the decision to punish me (because it will hurt), again without truly fearing her, since even when she decides to punish me it is for either my own good or the good of our relationship.
Compare this to a couple of different situations, like maybe in a prison many years ago, with a sadistic warden who might be almost completely unaccountable to anyone. They probably couldn't care less about my well-being, and since they like inflicting pain, I would be scared not only of their punishment, but also of them. Or a caning in Singapore, where there will most likely be permanent damage. In this case, I probably mostly would fear the punishment, but also to a certain degree the person doing the punishing, since I have no relationship with them.
Anyway, maybe the distinction is splitting hairs, but to me it all makes sense!
-ZM
ZM, I get it, and I did get the distinction you were making though it's one that doesn't resonate as much for me. I can't draw as clear a distinction in my feelings between being afraid of a person or their degree of control on the hand, and the specific means they use in asserting that control on the other. It seems like one key to why we see it differently is in the statement that "we love each other." for me, loving someone and having a "healthy fear" of them are not necessarily inconsistent.
Delete"...loving someone and having a 'healthy fear' of them are not necessarily inconsistent." - I fully agree. I have a feeling a lot of this comes down to semantics, like just how are we defining fear and so on.
Delete-ZM
The distinction between fearing the disciplinarian versus fearing the discipline is an interesting one. It may be purely semantic. On the other hand, I think my desire for my wife to make me actually fear her, and not just spanking, could be related to the fact that the nature of our power exchange is full FLR rather than just DD. What difference does that make? Maybe none. Or maybe it is that in an FLR the focus is more on the woman, whose superior status goes beyond DD, whereas in a purely DD relationship the focus is more on the discipline than the disciplinarian. I imagine that with pure DD, the wife may be more predictable because her power is limited to a certain type of discipline under agreed circumstances, whereas full FLR empowers the woman to be more capricious. It’s like the difference between a constitutional monarchy and an absolute monarchy. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone but me.
DeleteGH
Mike wrote “ As the spanking and scolding continued, I was getting closer and closer to breaking down. Two things finally sent me over the edge: first, she announced that she would not stop until she had me where she thought I needed to be emotionally and I would let go/surrender. At that moment, I knew it was pointless to try to keep my composure. Second, she scolded me about how my behavior was affecting her and our children. At this point, all my buttons were pushed and I started crying and sobbing.”
ReplyDeleteThe quote above is brought forward from the previous topic. Mike posted late, and many may not have seen it. His detailed description of what brought him to tears echoes my own while realistically describing what can lead to crying from a spanking for me.
The one thing he doesn’t mention is his wife's attitude about him crying. In our case, very early in DD, she let me know that she expected crying to occur and she was very positive about that.
Reflecting on this, it seems to me that several things need to be present to produce tears in most men. Given the variability that we seem to have, it very probably is not always the same thing for everyone -and the severity of the spanking may be one of the least important.
Alan
Hi Alan,
DeleteI agree completely. While it is certainly true that it would vary from person to person, in general I think we are more likely to cry when we know that our wife is expecting us to (or maybe has told us that she will continue until we are crying), and when we feel remorse about the impact our actions have on others that we love, or at least the impact to something that matters a lot to us.
-ZM
ZM,
DeleteYes to all of what you said. In Mike's post I sensed the experience of getting to the point where it seems like it will never stop until you give in--and then having her expectation and permission to do exactly that --pushes me over. But for me, I don't have the sense that Dan and some others have noted, of really holding on or manning it out --that is, until I do let go and realize how hard I have been fighting it.
Alan
I"n Mike's post I sensed the experience of getting to the point where it seems like it will never stop until you give in--and then having her expectation and permission to do exactly that --pushes me over."
DeleteWhile it hasn't happened for me, I suspect this is a major part of the prescription that might bring it about.
The "manning up" varies in terms of how conscious it is. Usually, it's just in the background, almost like a personality attribute. I just naturally do not give in easily to assertions of authority and, in that respect, my DD life is not much different from every other aspect of my life. But, sometimes I do get a glimmer of how much I am fighting it, though I suspect that the realization would be much more distinctive once I experienced really giving in.
Referring to Norton's topic, our level of discipline has been decreasing. I realize at the beginning of any FLR there may be a period of training in which we are spanked more often and maybe harsher. Aside from that, I have noticed a decrease in my punishments. She still delivers punishments, but seems to waive more of them. Even when I go to her to confess, with paddle in hand, she dismisses the infraction a lot more often than she used to. When she does punish it is still the intensity as before, but the frequency seems to have diminished.
ReplyDeleteDo you know why that is, Spanked Cowboy? Discipline has dropped off almost completely in our house, and that is mainly because of my health problems over the last couple of years. But I also wonder whether a reduction in my wife’s libido due to aging plays some role. This may be paradoxical because my wife isn’t a spanko like me, and she always said she spanked me for practical rather than erotic purposes. However, it seems apparent to me that she was stricter with me during periods of heightened eroticism in our marriage.
DeleteGH
I think that it is natural that as time passes, you are spanked less. Perhaps somewhat for the reason of training having already happened in the beginning, perhaps somewhat because maybe you behave better, and probably somewhat because the novelty of using spanking to address things wears off. Plus, if you are together as a couple longer, you kind of get more used to each other's idiosyncrasies.
DeleteMy wife spanks probably just as hard now as she did in the beginning, but the frequency had been going down, until recently, and the duration is certainly shorter on average. Part of that is her idea of a warm-up seems to have shortened to about 1 whack at 50% intensity and another at 75% and then full-on after that...
-ZM
Yes, but as I am sure you have noticed, the goal posts keep getting moved as the relationship matures. I would be spanked today probably once or twice a year if offenses were limited to our original goals. But once those goals are realized or resolved in one way or another, newer issues seem to naturally emerge. In our case I think most were there all along, but buried under the larger issues, until they were resolved
DeleteAlan
Your comment amused me Alan... my wife assures me that she doesn't want to replace me - she can't be bothered training another one from scratch...
DeleteI responded here to Spanked Cowboy’s post yesterday, but for some reason my posts sometimes disappear. SC’s observation that his wife’s level of punishment has been decreasing made me think of something paradoxical in my wife’s DD. My wife, by her account, is not a spanko like me. She once told me that having the power to spank me is one of the things she likes best about FLR. However, she says there is nothing erotic about spanking for her, that it is purely practical discipline. On the surface, that seems true. She never spanks me without a clear disciplinary reason, and spanking is never combined with sex. I fantasize about her getting turned on by spanking me and forcing me to go down on her while my bottom is still throbbing, but she never does that. Okay, here’s the paradox: I have observed that my wife has been stricter during periods when her libido seems stronger, as attested by increased activity in the bedroom. In other words, her level of strictness seems to ebb and flow with her libido. In recent months there has been very little DD. That is at least partly due to my health problems. But I wonder whether it is also because, as she acknowledges, that her libido isn’t what it used to be, as a natural effect of aging.
DeleteGH
I hope this post doesn’t disappear.
GH,
DeleteThis is a fascinating observation, perhaps going some distance to explaining inconsistency in strictness.
It would be interesting if others reflected on your observation and commented if it does or does not pertain to their relationship. I think that adult spanking, particularly in the context of a long-term relationship, inevitably invokes sexual feelings in the disciplinarian. My wife is a spanko, so her having sexual feelings about spanking me is expected. But my former G.F. who introduced me to DD was not a spanko but did find spanking stimulated her libido, not so much in the moment ( usually) but over the next day or so. She freely admitted that the power to spank me was a massive charge for her that triggered sexual feelings for days. afterward
Alan
"I realize at the beginning of any FLR there may be a period of training in which we are spanked more often and maybe harsher."
DeleteFor us, it's kind of been the opposite. Things started out relatively mild, and spankings were not that frequent. Especially over the last year, it has ramped up.
My wife has told me that exercising the authority to spank, and that ordering me to do something she knows I don't want to do, are major turn-ons for her. So, her libido definitely has some positive relationship to the whole disciplinary process. What I'm not as clear about is whether she is more inclined to discipline when her libido is running higher.
DeleteGH, the Google spam filters do seem to love your comments. I find more of yours in the spam filter, and sometimes I find them there even though they were posted several days before without being blocked. Google's whole retroactive spam filtering is inexplicable to me. For a while I would find months-old comments diverted to spam, and for no apparent reason. Then, for the last month or so, very few messages have ended up in spam. Until this week. Suddenly the spam filter is very active again.
Dan, maybe the Google spam filters remove some of my stuff because I relate how my feelings about adult/adult DD seem to be grounded my experience of being spanked growing up. Maybe the filter is programmed to remove posts that mention childhood? In that case, maybe the filter is right and I should avoid references to my childhood.
DeleteGH
GH,
DeleteMy wife is definitely turned on by the power she had in punishing me. Her libido is definitely more CC active when she is spanking. We do have sex occasionally after a punishment. I have been forced to go down on her once, after a punishment, with no release on my part. This was highly erotic, but I truly would like to have a DD relationship with zero sex after punishment for my actions.
T
T, we do have sex frequently after DD. I would not like to be deprived of that, because after a spanking I'm generally feeling much more vulnerable than normal and crave that intimacy. It's also when we tend to have our most honest talks about what we want in the DD and FLR aspects of our relationship, where we would like to take things, etc.
DeleteIt seems to be a fairly common theme. I have the same gap between the desired and actual levels others report. I don’t want to call it a fantasy, this is a level of discipline - both the trigger and the severity - that I want in my life. The severity is probably about where I want it but the trigger is well short, I feel I should be subject to discipline far more often than I am. I think much of the root cause is that it is not as high in her priority list as in mine, and often it is just one more chore she has to find time for in a busy life. TG
ReplyDeleteTG, this is very close to how I would describe our dynamic. The trigger seems set too high, and it is very inconsistent.
DeleteFeel the same as u both. I need to be punished more, but I probably don’t give my wife enough of a reason at times to punish. When I do though, she should act with strictness and intensity.
DeleteT
Hi Norton, good idea for a topic! I have kind of a hard time answering it, because right now my wife seems to be upping the strictness and also thinking of DD sooner than before, so I am kind of waiting to see where this all goes. Having said that, in the past she has not used DD nearly as often as I think she should have. As far as punishments, severity is probably generally about right, but as I mentioned last week, probably something that needs to happen from time to time is for me to feel the complete loss of control. I don't know that I necessarily want that, but I do think I need it. And if there is something that she has strong emotions about, I think she should spank until the slate is clean, instead of stopping early because she sees that I am struggling with the pain.
ReplyDelete-ZM
"I don't know that I necessarily want that, but I do think I need it."
DeleteSame here!
I think that there are two sides to this - the part of me that gets a buzz from anything to do with spanking and that part of me that rationally sees spanking within an adult relationship as a bonus in terms of achieving balance. Part one fantasises about more & stricter spankings, of every misdemeanour resulting in a spanking and of life happy ever after! Part two recognises reality interfering with consistency, of pressures on my wife that mean I am not front & centre all the time and of a genuine improvement in my overall behaviour since we started. I think we probably have the balance about right, especially as I journal most days (at her request) about how I feel / what I need / deserve. I try to remind myself about that gap between fantasy & reality. I also try to remember how often I got away with ‘stuff’ as a boy, probably ended up being punished less than I am now. TB
ReplyDeleteThose are important points, TB. While I sometimes think I want or need more strictness and being held accountable more often, in real life that might become very tiring or frustrating for one or both of us. All in all, I'm OK with the balance, though probably it would be good if she tightened the reins a bit more.
DeleteTB : “I think that there are two sides to this - the part of me that gets a buzz from anything to do with spanking and that part of me that rationally sees spanking within an adult relationship as a bonus in terms of achieving balance. Part one fantasises about more & stricter spankings, of every misdemeanour resulting in a spanking and of life happy ever after! Part two recognises reality interfering with consistency, of pressures on my wife that mean I am not front & centre all the time and of a genuine improvement in my overall behaviour since we started. I think we probably have the balance about right, especially as I journal most days (at her request) about how I feel / what I need / deserve. I try to remind myself about that gap between fantasy & reality.”
DeleteTB, that really resonates with me because it reveals a couple of things about the psychological power imbalance in a DD relationship. First, when it comes to DD, our wives occupy a much larger part of our consciousness than we do of theirs. If I know I am going to be spanked, I can hardly think about anything else. My wife—what she might be thinking, how angry she feels—looms large in my mind. But spanking me might be just one more item, and not the most important one, on her to do list. It might even slip her mind! Also, when our FLR was at full force, my wife encouraged me to journal about it. After a punishment she required it. She would read every journal entry, but on her own schedule. I would always go into a different room and wait nervously when she read my journal because I felt so vulnerable and exposed. Sometimes she would comment briefly on a journal entry, but usually she would just say something like, “Nicely written. Good boy.” The one sided nature of this communication felt like being metaphorically naked, while she remained fully clothed.
Maybe that’s one reason none of our wives participate in discussions here. It could be a simple lack of interest. But it could be that openly sharing their thoughts and feelings about DD with us guys would sacrifice their feminine mystique and reduce their power. Imagining myself in my wife’s shoes, it strikes me that if she wanted to discuss her feelings about FLR and DD, she would do it face to face with close women friends rather than online with a bunch of unknown men. As I mentioned last week, my wife is currently visiting a close woman friend who lives far away. She revealed to me in a text that her friend’s husband is struggling to deal with erectile dysfunction, just like I am. That made me realize that she and her friend must have discussions about intimate aspects of their marriages and sex lives. Therefore, I now strongly suspect that she has discussed her thoughts and feelings about FLR and DD with her friend.
GH
GH,
DeleteYou make a great point.I don’t believe DD is first and foremost on our wives minds. My wife would not want to comment on this forum w largely a group of guys. I’m just happy to have an outlet to talk with like minded individuals. I was becoming frustrated because I didn’t have anyone close to share this with. Like our wives, as I’ve mentioned before, her best friend knows she spanks me and I’m sure has discussed our sex life. She lives across the country, so it’s never bothered me.I do believe if she shared her intimate moments for me to read, it might reduce her power regarding DD. I don’t believe you ever truly know the mind of a women lol. I will say though out of all of our mutual friends, my wife and I have a stronger bond and a mutual respect. I think this falls short on some of our friends. I do believe DD has something to do with this. I also believe our level of intimacy is much stronger, than our friends of the same length of time. I know for a fact that one of my friends has confided in me that him and his wife haven’t had sex in a year.
T
Thanks to all of you who have responded to my suggestion. It is gratifying, and my hope is some of you will also make suggestions when Dan is not available, or just doesn't have the juice to come up with something. It's an odd thing to share deeply intimate thoughts and feelings with you guys that I would never share with even my closest friends. We will never know each other outside of this context, but the sharing in this blog seems to be heartfelt and honest. Being aware that there are many other guys that crave F/M spanking makes me feel much more accepting of myself. It would be interesting to hear from Tony, the husband of the late Aunt Kay, about if the guys involved in the DWC shared thoughts and feelings like we do. Anyway, it's great to know that I am not the only one wired this way. Dan has created something really unique, and it is truly appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI agree Norton, I commented on this above. I was at wits end and didn’t and won’t ever have the opportunity to share this with my mutual friends. I know everything about them and they do so me. This is something that we have decided to keep private and it’s understandable why.
DeleteT
Norton and T, I agree with you completely about the value of Dan’s blog for guys like us who need to discuss our experiences, with the safety of anonymity, with other guys in similar circumstances. I wonder whether their are any spanked husbands out there who don’t feel our need to talk about it? GH
DeleteI would like my wife to be more strict. Similar to other's comments, my wife reads my body language and so often stops before I am adequately punished. I would like her to be more consistent in awarding punishment, and harsher when she delivers. At the time though, I struggle to accept it and cannot help but appear to be struggling. I think that she then backs off or finishes early. Occasionally though I've been what I would consider to be "well beaten".
ReplyDeleteWith the cane the number of strokes are easily counted. Sometimes there is a fixed amount that I am to receive and she will make me count. At least until my bravery gives out, I only count the strokes that are zingers... it calibrates her and because the strength is set early the remainder are given forcefully.
I've just made her a good copy of a "medium" Lochgelly Tawse so expect that will be the next thing that I am punished with. I'll report back...
While we've tried lots of different kinds of instruments, a tawse is not among them. I hope you'll share some details of the experience.
DeleteI didn't tell the whole story.
DeleteQuote from a post of mine last week
"I have a very minor surgery tomorrow which will take a couple of weeks to recover, so immediately after that I will talk though the above with her and let you know how I get on. Suspect that I may end up with a sore bottom!"
I spoke to her last Saturday morning and she confirmed that with work pressure and the upcoming op, she did not think that I was in the right space to submit to a spanking. I told her, again, that it is always the right time to spank me if she deems it appropriate, that although it would temporarily wrong foot me I would do my best to get ready and that it should happen.
She advised that there a number of things that she wants to correct, and that I should expect to be beaten after she returns from her long weekend away.
I suspect that a report on the tawse is not too far away...
Mark, I look forward to your report on the tawse. My wife doesn’t have a tawse. She has a leather strap that is, I believe, about the size of a tawse. That’s what she uses if she’s angry because she knows that I find it to be her most painful implement. What fascinates me about the Tawse is that some disciplinarian must looked at a leather strap and asked, “How could I make this even more effective?” Then they hit on the idea of slitting the strap so that the energy of the blow wouldn’t be distributed across one surface area; rather the strap would have two tongues, each with an independent bite when the tawse would impact the curved surface of a bottom. I don’t know whether my understanding of the physics of a tawse versus a normal strap is correct, but I assume the slit must be an intentional modification to increase the pain. Am I right about that?
DeleteGH
I suspect that you are right GH. They also made them from different thickness leather to change the strictness level. The M or Medium was out of around 6mm leather - that's what I had so that is what I made. They also made H or Heavy and XH or Extra Heavy out of thicker leather. I think that I read that an XH is around 10mm or 11mm thick. Then there was one that was known as ROSLA or Raising of School Leaving Age that was produced to discipline older students. This was two M tawses glued together.
DeleteIt appears that for practically all of us guys posting here, there is a gap between the discipline we feel we need or deserve and the discipline our wives provide. We all seem to feel that our wives should be stricter, either holding us to higher standards and spanking more frequently or spanking us until we break down. The reason seems to be a craving to experience DD that is “beyond our control.” In other words, we want to feel that the power exchange with our wives is absolute, that we are utterly vulnerable to their disciplinary power. If only our wives would be stricter or harsher, we would be transported to that place of total empowerment/disempowerment. If we ever achieved that elusive ideal in our relationships, maybe we would no longer feel a need to read and write about DD. Well, , maybe one reason our wives have much less need to discuss DD is that, unlike us, they are satisfied by the status quo. They spank us when and how they feel like it for their own purposes, not to reach some ideal level we have in mind. In other words, maybe our wives are more fully in control than we think. I am theorizing based on my own experience and intuition, which may or may not apply to you other guys. But does that not make sense?
ReplyDeleteGH
Yes it does make sense.
DeleteIt is interesting how almost universal the desire for "more"--severity, frequency, tougher scolding, etc.--seems to be. Several years ago, when Blogger had a polling feature, I ran a couple of polls asking the commenters whether they wanted more or less of those kinds of things, or whether what they received was about right. Overwhelmingly, the commenters wanted "more." That was especially true of verbal strictness, but it was very high across all the categories. Harder spankings. More frequent spankings. More strictness and sternness. More verbal control, scoldings, etc.
Like most everyone else, I fit in the "wants more" category. But the real question I have not only for others, but also for myself, is if I actually got more, would I then wish that I hadn't asked for it? This is especially true for the whole strictness thing, since I generally like being a bit of a rebel and always struggle with authority.
Delete-ZM
ZM, I can imagine that if you actually got more, you might wish in the moment that you hadn’t asked for it. But I can imagine the opposite being true. I can imagine it being like a drug that you need in stronger and stronger doses as your ability to endure pain increases. Dan has pointed out that, according to surveys, the desire for more and harsher punishment is almost universal. That must include people whose butts only get spanked to a rosy hue and those whose butts get bruised or blistered. To me that suggests that the more one gets, the more one needs or desires.
DeleteGH
Here’s a related thought. Most of us guys here seem to have fantasies about our wives pushing the envelope by letting people know they spank us or even spanking us in front of witnesses, thereby increasing the embarrassment factor. Is that not like a craving for a stronger drug?
DeleteGH
Hi GH,
DeleteI think there is some truth that you develop some tolerance to spankings, so for the same results, spankings must become harder. This is true both for pain and for marking. If I am spanked at least semi-regularly, spankings hurt less than a spanking after a long break from spankings. In the same way, it now takes a much, much harder spanking to cause bruising like I used to have in the beginning.
As far as "the more one gets, the more one needs or desires," it is possible that you are right. Certainly, that is true in many other things in life, like money or power. But let me postulate another possibility.
Perhaps the reason that people tend to crave harder and harder spankings is exactly what you stated above - the reality doesn't match the fantasy. This is exactly the path that I followed. I started out thinking that I wanted a spanking relationship, but when I did finally start getting spankings, I realized that while spankings hurt, they didn't have the emotional impact I needed, especially if they were for some made-up reason. So spankings had to be for real things. Better, but not enough... Spankings had to be harder. Maybe try more extreme implements? Nope, more painful, but still not "real" enough. Maybe she needs to spank longer, or consecutive days, or add things like corner time or other punishments. All good, but not enough!
I am convinced that for many if not most of the people who regularly participate in this blog, the thing that brings us here and keeps us here is the search for authenticity. We want our adult DD spankings to evoke the same feelings that childhood spankings did (or at least that we thought they did). Our desire, as you said, is that "spousal DD would be as frightening and embarrassing as the punishments I received as a kid." When they are not, we tend to focus on ways to make them feel more "harsh, humiliating, and non-consensual." At least I know that I have.
And one huge path this search for authenticity has led me down is exactly what you wrote about in your second comment. I realized that no amount of physical punishment would ever make the spanking feel authentic, because the critical missing piece is embarrassment. And since I am not really embarrassed by my wife spanking me (or at least not much, for sure), when I discovered or rediscovered the concept of involving others - back in August of 2020 - the thought immediately captivated me and has not left my head since then. First we told others about spanking, then more about our DD relationship, later I have had an "auditory witness," and perhaps someday there will be a live witness or perhaps even a co-spanker?
All this is to say that maybe it is not that we always want or need more, but it could also be that we have never gotten the authenticity that we so desperately wanted from the beginning.
-ZM
ZM, I think you have expressed a significant insight about “authenticity.” Maybe absolute authenticity is the elusive ingredient we all crave and can never quite attain, even if our wives’ discipline becomes stricter and harsher. My wish that my wife would make me fear her—or fear her discipline, as you put it—is a desire for absolute authenticity, I think. But there are a couple of issues that undermine the quest for authenticity. The first is that I crave discipline from my wife, whereas childhood spankings were undesirable in every way. The second is that however unbalanced the power dynamic with my wife becomes, it is impossible to forget that ultimately I am consenting to it because I am bigger and stronger than her, so I could stop it at any time. I don’t know about you, but I am turned on by drawings of large, powerful women spanking diminutive men because such a woman would not need the consent of such a man.
DeleteI can see that the ambivalent desire/fear of being outed as a spanked husband, or even having witnesses, also fits into a desire for authenticity. When I was a kid, it was no secret that my parents spanked me. That made spankings more embarrassing. So I think you are right that having people know that our wives spank us—not just as an erotic game, but for real—might make it feel more authentic. But ultimately, even involving witnesses might not satisfy the craving for authenticity because the situation would have to be negotiated with the witnesses and we could refuse at any point to go along with it.
But if you are right that authenticity is our unmet need, does that mean that complete satisfaction is impossible?
GH
"I am convinced that for many if not most of the people who regularly participate in this blog, the thing that brings us here and keeps us here is the search for authenticity. We want our adult DD spankings to evoke the same feelings that childhood spankings did (or at least that we thought they did). Our desire, as you said, is that "spousal DD would be as frightening and embarrassing as the punishments I received as a kid." When they are not, we tend to focus on ways to make them feel more "harsh, humiliating, and non-consensual." At least I know that I have."
DeleteThis fits my DD development exactly, and I do think that "authenticity" is a major motivator for me. Though, I think we have to define "authentic" in terms of what? For me, it's closely related to it needing to feel "imposed" or even "non-consensual" in the way that non-adult spankings were. If I have to choose one word for what aspect I need to be "authentic" it might be "vulnerability." I need to feel vulnerable, insecure, unsettled, exposed, etc. There are lots of labels you could apply to it, but it boils down to needing to feel like I am not in control and someone else is.
I totally get why witnessed spankings are something you have focused on as a gateway to authenticity. My big question regarding them is whether, once experienced, they would lose their emotional power in the same way that things like longer spankings or more severe instruments seem to. I'm not saying it would necessarily work out that way, but I just don't know.
Dan, “vulnerability” is a great word for a key emotional ingredient I crave in DD. It is a highly erotic emotion for me. It is a big part of intimacy.
DeleteAbout the possibility that having witnesses might lose its emotional power, I wonder if the craving for more would manifest as a periodic need to involve new witnesses?
GH
GH, you asked: "But if you are right that authenticity is our unmet need, does that mean that complete satisfaction is impossible?" - Perhaps complete satisfaction (or complete authenticity) is impossible, but I am an engineer by profession, and engineering is all about "close enough!" Since you said you crave for spankings to be "harsh, humiliating, and non-consensual," and for me that sounds pretty close to authentic. Now, to what degree can it be realized?
DeleteHarsh - on this, there is little doubt that it is 100% possible to achieve harshness matching "authentic" childhood spankings. In fact, probably adult punishments are (and must be) much more severe than those used in our collective childhoods. The only challenge on harshness is getting your wife onboard and getting her comfortable knowing that she is causing only temporary pain and discomfort.
Humiliating - again, there is no question that if you really want to, you can make adult DD spankings at least as humiliating, if not much more so, than typical childhood spankings. It is really only a question of how far you are willing to go.
Non-consensual - This one is harder to fully realize. And in fact, the whole topic of consensual vs non-consensual - and of course our consensual non-consent that we talk about - is a pretty tricky topic, with a lot of nuances. Depending on how you look at it, almost everything is consensual. By consensual, I don't mean legally consensual and certainly not agreeable. But rather, if there is some decision that you could make to prevent something from happening or to avoid the results of something, and if you don't make that decision, then on a certain level you consented. For example, as a child, you could in theory run away. And if you get sent back, you could run away again, until eventually you either end up in foster care, on the streets, in jail, or dead. None of these things are desirable, of course, but they do show that there is another path or a decision that can be made. Another similar example was a number of people said they would move to Canada if Trump was elected. Crazy? Yes, considering it up-ends your entire life. Did they actually do it? No. But just by saying they would move if he was elected, they were showing that there was an alternative to living in a country with him leading it.
Of course, when talking about consensual, we are usually talking about reasonable decisions made in the absence of coercion. So, can DD be non-consensual? Probably not, in the sense that physically you could stop it or resist, but as we talked about I think last week, once you have submitted yourself to your wife for DD, it becomes psychologically very difficult to resist; if she is dead-set on punishing you, it will happen. So, it ends up being at least kind of close to non-consensual. I may want the DD relationship, but I don't want to be spanked, and certainly not now!
And Dan, I agree absolutely about "vulnerability" and "imposed." Both of those are very key words for me in all this as well. As far as whether witnesses would lose their emotional power after being experienced, I really have no idea. Hopefully, someday I will have an answer for that.
-ZM
ZM, excellent points about authenticity and consent. I agree with everything you said. I have a question about your desire to involve witnesses. Do you have feelings about who the witnesses should be? Do you think that, if your wife were to take that step, you should have a say in selecting the witness? Or would that be entirely at your wife’s discretion? Also, when you imagine someone seeing or hearing you being spanked, do you ever fantasize about It from the witness’s point of view? Do you imagine the witness being amused? Curious? Excited? Surprised? Matter of fact and sexually disinterested?
DeleteI believe I mentioned a few weeks ago that I confessed to one of my sisters that my wife and I have a FLR that includes DD. The topic came up because we were comparing childhood memories, and the topic of spanking came up. That led on to a confession that my childhood experience led to a lifelong obsession with spanking that shaped the direction of my marriage. It was embarrassing to say that to my sister, but she didn’t laugh the way I always imagined my sisters would if they found out my wife spanks me. She seemed understanding. She told me she would keep my secret, but afterwards I imagined that she would be unable to resist telling our other sisters and that it would get back to my wife that I had let our secret out. I thought that maybe I should tell my wife what I had said to my sister so she wouldn’t find out from someone else. But I chickened out. Several months have passed, and my confession appears not to have had any consequences. It would appear that my sister kept the secret. Either that or she did tell my other sisters, so they know but are also keeping the secret.
I must confess that I am turned on by stories and fantasies about men or boys being spanked in front of their sisters, but in real life I would NOT want my sisters to see me being spanked as an adult. The ideal witness for me would be a woman friend of my wife who doesn’t live nearby.
GH
GH, it makes perfect sense to me. With spanking or without it, it seems our wives are more fully in control than we think. With F/M spanking, it just makes it more explicit. If they are open to the idea and realize you absolutely need to be spanked, they will eventually realize the benifits for themselves. However, that doesn't mean they will endlessly obsess about it and analyze it like we do. Many of us have had the fantasy of achieving that ideal of being completely dominated and having no influence on how hard or long you will be spanked. But, as I said earlier, watching that video we made of me getting a hard punishment spanking made me realize we had already gone to that place. I was glad she didn't feel the need to go longer, as my butt had definitely taken enough, and her arm was getting tired. The end result of watching that video was it made me very grateful for what I already have. We can fantasize about many things that might not work so well if they actually were carried out. R.e. the idea of not feeling the need to read and write about DD doesn't sound desirable at all. To me, it would be similar to not be thinking about sex. I enjoy both, and have no desire to give up anything.
ReplyDeleteNorton, are you saying that you had to see a video of yourself being harshly punished to appreciate how harshly your wife spanks you? I find that fascinating. If I might ask, do you find the video erotic? I am trying to imagine how I would feel to see a video of myself being spanked. I’m not sure I would like it. When I hear recordings of my voice, I don’t like the way I sound. I wonder whether seeing and hearing myself being spanked would be like that. I know that I vocalize and move involuntarily during hard spankings. That must look and sound very undignified. I wonder whether seeing and hearing myself would be an overdose of humiliation.
DeleteGH
Yes, it is of me being harshly punished, and yes, it is erotic for me. Iam not really concerned about myself, but rather, the determination she shows when she is spanking. She is the main attraction, not me. It is also a great reminder of what is in store for me if I screw up.
DeleteI recorded one of my spankings once. I discovered exactly how difficult it is to do a good job! The video was not erotic. It would need multiple angles... my face, my bottom, her face, overall wide angle etc.
DeleteWhat was fascinating was how vigorously she swung, and the look of absolute focus (and maybe determination) on her face.
I would like to have a video of her spanking me, or better yet, several for different types of spankings. I don't think they would have much erotic value to me, but it would be interesting to see everything from a third-party perspective, especially her general demeanor and also just what percentage of her force she is actually using.
DeleteThe problem is, I would want it to be of a genuine punishment, not something staged, and I would like neither of us to act any different just because there is a camera. I am not sure how I would ever make that work.
-ZM
-ZM
Mark, I can see that it would be difficult to make a high quality spanking video. You would need a third person to film from different angles. Now that you mention it, I would really like to see my wife giving a spanking, to see the expression on her face. It just struck me that I have never seen that because she is behind or above me during spankings. I’m not sure I would like to see myself being spanked. Well, maybe when I was younger and fitter, but not now. Now that you have put the thought in my head, you know what I would love to see? My wife spanking another man, a physically attractive young man. A new fantasy is born! Lol
DeleteGH
Just to jump in here - I have recorded a couple of spankings. Watching them is quite erotic. They were strong spankings that were painful but not unbearable. There were no surprises when I watched them afterwards although it was really interesting to view my punishment from an ‘observer’ perspective. I find spanking, like sex, to be a very ‘in the moment’ experience where I seem to be super aware of what it happening. TB
ReplyDeleteI think I have mentioned this earlier. I did a few of these with my former GF, and there was very much a “third party” effect watching them.but, I have watched myself on video in nonsexual/spanking situations and there is no third-party effect. SI I assume I have some kind of dissociation effect from watching a video of myself being spanked .
ReplyDeleteSomewhat paradoxically though, watching it in a mirror or even catching glimpses in a mirror seems very “at the moment”. That could be because it is actually happening at the moment and so disassociation is less likely.
Interesting topic!
Alan
Hi Alan. For me, there is no such thing as a nonsexual/spanking situation. It is always somewhat sexual, on some level. I don't seem to get the disassociation effect you are referring to.
ReplyDeleteI’m with you, Norton. Even though my wife only spanks for non sexual purposes, it can never be non sexual for me. But I can imagine there being a dissociation effect if I saw myself in a video. That’s because I am a senior now, ,but while my wife is chastising me, I don’t feel like a senior, I feel like a young man. I think that seeing myself in a video would ruin the age regression effect spanking has on me.
DeleteGH
I can't deny that there is a sexual connotation to my spankings and if she is being honest, my wife would say so too. However, she has been consistently resistant to having sex immediately after disciplining me. Her reasoning is that she doesn't want to include pleasure in the experience for either one of us. Also, by the time a spanking is warranted, my wife is quite unhappy with me and not in the mood, so to speak. By the next day, she is ready to forgive and this has led to excellent make up sex.
DeleteI mentioned a little while ago that Beth has introduced swats on my bare bottom with a spatula as more of a warning approach. Sex isn't off limits after those, as she is nowhere near as annoyed with me and needless to say, I'm not as sore. Although I like being over her knee for a real spanking, she has confessed that she enjoys seeing me bent over in the kitchen with pants down, quite exposed.
Kevin
Kevin, my wife also gives me warning smacks in the kitchen sometimes. Well, maybe they aren’t warnings as much as reminders that she is the boss. Since I am usually working in the kitchen when she does that, there is also an element of gender role reversal, which I love. I am so jealous that you and other guys get real spankings over your wives’ knees. I have been spanked over my wife’s knee, but she prefers to make me bend over the end of the bed. I wish my wife would always spank me OTK!
DeleteGH
I hope it’s not annoying to Dan and other guys that I have been writing so much here. There has not been much DD in my life since the onset of serious medical problems, and I have such a pent up craving for it. I am home alone right now, and I can’t stop thinking about it. To be honest, I’m practically climbing the walls here, which is embarrassing at my age. :-(
DeleteGH
Hi Norton,
DeleteNorton said,” …I don't seem to get the disassociation effect you are referring to.”
Rereading my post, I see it was not as straightforward as it should have been. I am saying that watching a video of myself being spanked (OTK) was like watching someone else on video being spanked. It was like being a “third person” watching it. That was the disassociation.
Conversely, seeing myself in the mirror being spanked was much more of an “in the moment” experience. I did identify very much with the image in the mirror, and there was no disassociation. It would probably take a neurologist to explain the difference fully. Still, I assume the main difference is that seeing it in the mirror is real-time and a vivid ongoing experience -whereas looking at the video lacks that present reality. I might compare it to watching a movie versus acting in that movie.
Alan
GH, I relate to what you are saying too. The swats are truly a reminder of my wife's authority, probably more than a warning. It happens in the kitchen partly because that's where the implement is kept, but there's also a message there.
DeleteKevin
OTK is our favorite position, because it has an intimate, maternal vibe, which being over the bed does not. There is also a nice ritual we do where she will ask me to "set things up", which includes me getting the paddles and pillows, moving the spanking chair into the living room, and getting my journal out to read to her before the spanking. The ritual can take awhile, depending on how much I have in the journal, or relevant things in this blog, to read to her. It's always an exciting time for me, as I know that I will be over her lap very soon. The only limitation with OTK is sometimes her arm gets tired after 5 minutes, and she can't get a full swing, especially with the longer bamboo paddle. At that point, if it's a more serious spanking, , we will move to the bed.
ReplyDeleteGH, please don't assume you are contributing too much. To me, the more contributions, the merrier, and your contributions have been appreciated. I have certainly been contributing way more than my share this week, but I figure if it annoys Dan or seems irrelevant, he will remove it. If our fellow contributers want to skip over it, they can. My assumption is that Dan probably appreciates it when guys like us keep it going, even when he isn't involved. My partner has been on vacation, and, like you, I've been craving a good spanking, and look forward to her return. As far as being embarrassed about still needing to be spanked at your advanced age, I would encourage you to be more self accepting. If it isn't hurting anybody, and if it makes you happier and more relaxed, what does it matter how old you are? It's your only life, so why not embrace what works for you, and gives you joy? Normal is overrated, and boring as well.
ReplyDeleteNorton wrote: “Normal is overrated and boring as well.”
DeleteA germ word for normal is norms, which are essentially what most people do. Most people are (probably) not spankos. So, we spankos are, by definition, exceptional and “outstanding.” I like being exceptional and outstanding, don’t you???
Alan
Once I promised my wife that I would never refuse a spanking, that was the end of me having any control of punishment. If I had physically refused, I would have shattered my integrity and DD would end. Thus to me there was no question of authenticity. I was psychologically incapable of forcing my way off her lap. My spankings were authentic!
ReplyDeleteThey also were plenty severe. My wife spanked as hard and fast as she could, always with an implement. She could hit about twice per second in the first minute, then she slowed down a bit. But about 200 hard smacks with a bath brush in two minutes was definitely enough to modify my behavior and feel thoroughly chastened!
KOJ