Hi all. I hope you're having a good weekend. We're going to be hitting the road for a full week, maybe a bit more.
So, I don't plan to post this weekend and probably not next weekend. Perhaps I'll get around to something early in the week after we get back. In the meantime, feel free to keep commenting on last week's topic or explore something else.
This blog is a curated resource for those genuinely and positively interested in DD and FLR lifestyles. Comments that are rude, uncivil, inconsistent with the blog's theme or off-topic may not be posted or may be removed. Please use a name or initials (doesn't have to be your real one) when commenting - it helps commenters keep track of who is "talking."
As the photo suggests... anyone here ever get a good punishment spanking in an RV ?
ReplyDeleteActually, yes. My wife takes the synthetic cane with us each time we travel in ours. She has it down to a fine art in a small space. I often protest that others will hear if we are on a site but her view is that who cares, we’ll never see them again. I have felt embarrassed opening the door after especially if it is daytime. TB
ReplyDeleteI understand your concern about others overhearing, but also see her viewpoint. Being the Domme, I guess we know whose view will prevail. I too have been spanked often in a 'camping trailer' and know others can hear us.
DeleteThis is a good group. To keep the momentum going , who has been spanked recently ? I’ve been trying to get more exercise and purchased one of those Fitbit wrist things that tracks your steps. Our agreement is that if I don’t get 10,000 steps per day, Dev will provide the “ motivation “. I tried and have been close but have not hit the goal yet. She hasn't been checking so I wasn’t concerned. Well , last nite she looked for the first time. I was a little over half. She told me to wait for for her upstairs in the “ spanking room “. Waiting is torturous. When she came in she was holding her Spenser paddle. She sat down and asked if I knew why we were here. I said yes ma’am and a firm paddling was given. I’m doing better today but the it’s not over yet. JR
ReplyDeleteJR,
DeleteI was spanked multiple times on vacation as discussed last week. My wife brought the hairbrush with her. My attitude traveling was horrible. I despise the lead up, the stress getting to the airport in time and the wait time while there. I became short with her and paid the price. My bottom took a good beating. I was then spanked prior to leaving as a reminder about my shortness coming home. I have to admit the plane ride home was a bit tough. My wife smiled at one point and asked me how my bottom was. It was a hypothetical, I was very sore and made sure I was on my best behavior.
T
Not recently, but I've got one coming this week for how I've handled health. She knows and has been waiting for me to lay out where I've gone off the rails for her one of these evenings. We'll discuss, she'll agree with the new plan and do some paddling in exchange for my having to restart good habits.
DeleteHi JR,
DeleteI was spanked Friday, after a quite long haitus. Since spring, she had done a few "play" spankings, supposedly for "attitude" or things like that, but really these were more just because she felt like spanking me, so they were just a few sort of hard swats. Last Friday was the first sort of punishment spanking I have gotten for a long time, maybe for 6 months or so.
In this case - and very, very unusual for me - I asked her for the spanking, which I never do. A bit unexpectedly, she immediately ran with it. It turns out that the stress I had been causing her really needed to be vented. Afterwards, she said this spanking was really needed, and that it made her feel much better and more calm, which is pretty much how it made me feel, except for my bottom, which was actually somewhat bruised. Again, I haven't had a real punishment spanking for a while, so this one was really felt, and my bottom had apparently returned at least somewhat back to its more sensitive, more easily bruised status that it used to have before we bagan DD.
Probably even more significant than the spanking itself was our beginning to change the balance of power more in her direction, as I wrote about last week. While this is a big step, which I may well regret at one or more times in the future, I think it will be a very positive step in many ways, including me feeling more grounded and calm, our new business advancing as quickly as possible, and preventing accumulated frustrations that could harm our relationship.
Already, she has adopted a more "in-charge" demeaner and has told me several times to do things rather than asking. Also, she said she is thinking of restarting our weekly check-ins. Anyway, she is such a natural at all this. Now I just have to work at being a bit quicker in complying.
-ZM
I have managed to get spanked twice in the past 10 days. The first was a sort of catch up for a range of minor but irritating misdemeanors - sarcasm, rudeness, etc. The cane followed by the strap. Unusually we made love first. She had said that she was annoyed with me and was going to 'take action' but I thought that the danger had passed. So I was very surprised when she pronounced sentence after a very pleasant intimate session. Having read on a number of occasions how painful a post orgasm spanking can be I was bot resistant and abnormally apprehensive. The session was painful but not as bad as I had feared. I am not keen to repeat it (and I told her so).
DeleteThe second was one of those 'in the moment responses from her when I argued just a little too vehemently about something and she announced that she had had enough and ordered me upstairs. Again this was unusual as she will normally 'signpost' an imminent spanking. I tried hard to talk her out of it as I really did not want to submit (which is probably why she deemed it necessary) but without success. Normally I am naked for a beating with quite a lead in but this time it was shorts and underwear to my knees, over the bed and she got straight into it with the strap at speed and almost no telling off. A 'no nonsense' spanking as I have always imagined. My feedback to her after was that it was probably one of the most effective sessions ever as it seemed to come from the heart. I felt like a punished boy rather than an adult in a consensual relationship and I admit that I did sulk afterwards for a while until she suggested I change my attitude or there would be an immediate repeat.
That session has had a powerful effect on my behavior since. I am not sure if it was the sheer confidence that she displayed in carrying it out completely on her terms, the fact that it was hard and fast or the fact that I literally had no input at all and I definitely did not want it to proceed. I have told her how I feel and it will be interesting to see if there will be a repeat or if it becomes her 'standard' approach... TB
TB wrote: “That session has had a powerful effect on my behavior since. I am not sure if it was the sheer confidence that she displayed in carrying it out completely on her terms, the fact that it was hard and fast or the fact that I literally had no input at all and I definitely did not want it to proceed”
DeleteI believe all three of those factors reinforced the effect it had on you. I am mesmerized and virtually paralyzed when my wife carries out discipline like you described. I want it, I need it, and I hate it -all at the same time. Yet when it's over, I realize what a gift I have been given and want to please her in every way I can including my behavior.
For me, the central theme in spankings like that is the power they have to push me into an obedient, accepting, and penitent state that precedes the growth in maturity I want but can’t achieve without her firmness.
Alan
"I am mesmerized and virtually paralyzed when my wife carries out discipline like you described. I want it, I need it, and I hate it -all at the same time. Yet when it's over, I realize what a gift I have been given and want to please her in every way I can including my behavior.
DeleteFor me, the central theme in spankings like that is the power they have to push me into an obedient, accepting, and penitent state that precedes the growth in maturity I want but can’t achieve without her firmness." - Perfectly stated in every way. I can totally relate.
-ZM
A few weeks ago, we did a post here about using DD to meet performance goals. In the past, it wasn't something I ever actively pursued with Anne, mainly because I felt it probably would feel too burdensome for her. Well, she clearly read that post and brought up the possibility of using it for personal performance and goal reaching. We didn't discuss it any detail, but I was surprised she brought it up at all. We'll see where it goes.
DeleteT: "My attitude traveling was horrible."
DeleteUsually, it's the same with me. This time, I somehow managed to keep my temper in check. While some of it was trying intentionally to keep a better attitude, I do think some of that intention was she really has been making some progress in helping me appreciate the concept of "consequences."
ZM: "Probably even more significant than the spanking itself was our beginning to change the balance of power more in her direction, as I wrote about last week. While this is a big step, which I may well regret at one or more times in the future, I think it will be a very positive step in many ways, including me feeling more grounded and calm, our new business advancing as quickly as possible, and preventing accumulated frustrations that could harm our relationship."
DeleteI know you're super busy these days, but I hope you'll tell us more about the changing power dynamics as things develop. Personally, I'm super interested.
TB: "A 'no nonsense' spanking as I have always imagined. My feedback to her after was that it was probably one of the most effective sessions ever as it seemed to come from the heart. I felt like a punished boy rather than an adult in a consensual relationship and I admit that I did sulk afterwards for a while until she suggested I change my attitude or there would be an immediate repeat."
DeleteThat's a fantastic description. I know what you mean about how feeling like you had no input, to the point it felt almost non-consensual, can cause you to want to sulk. Yet, it's so real and that makes it so paradoxically attractive.
JR and T, my wife resorted to spanking me a little over a week ago. With Beth being on a teacher's schedule, she takes on more of the household duties in the summer months. That is agreeable to her, as long as I pick up the pace after Labor Day. When that doesn't happen, she is rightfully displeased.
ReplyDeleteIt didn't help my case when I explained that I'm busy too and so I found myself over teacher's knee after the very first week of school.
Kevin
Delete"It didn't help my case when I explained that I'm busy too and so I found myself over teacher's knee after the very first week of school."
Those damn teachers and their comfort with overt displays of authority!
Let's expand this scope also to include:
ReplyDelete1. the most memorable spanking you have received
2. and the first real disciplinary spanking.
3. How do those compare to the last spanking received
Alan
Hi Alan,
ReplyDeleteThat is a great idea!
As far as the most memorable spanking I have received, that is almost impossible to determine, but I will list several and the reasons they were so memorable.
One spanking occurred several years ago, when my wife called me at work and was angry about something. She didn't tell me what it was exactly, but that I was getting spanked when I got home. I don't remember the spanking so much, but rather the anxiety I felt all afternoon until I went home. In a similar vein, I was traveling another time, in 2017, and my wife opened Messenger and saw a conversation which was not bad, but could be easily misinterpreted, and she called me very upset. I remember the butterflies I felt in my stomach the next several days.
Another very significant and memorable one was when she spanked me to tears. She has spanked me sort-of to tears other times, where I was on the verge or perhaps beginning to cry, but this one was different. I had had several bouts of bad attitude, and she informed me beforehand that I was going to be spanked, and it would continue until I was in tears. The combination of her telling me beforehand that the spanking would only end with me in tears, a horrible Delrin cane, and her employing the diaper position definitely did the trick. She stopped spanking shortly after I began crying. She said she would have liked to go longer, but it was hard to see me cry. I kind of have a feeling that if we get to this point again, she would be more comfortable pressing on with it.
And certainly the most memorable spanking so far was the one I have recounted many times here, where her friend - who is fully aware of our DD activities and why my wife spanks me - was in the living room while I was being spanked, so she could certainly hear. Also, my wife left me in the corner with my phone twice or 3 times, but left my phone right by me. She then texted me to blindfold myself and get myself with butt in the air over the bed, and "one of them would be in soon to spank me." I remember how my heart was racing beyond belief during all this. It was certainly one of the most intense times in my life.
The first real discipline spanking was also super memorable to me. The spanking itself was not that much of a shock, since I had played several times with a college student before, who spanked me very and long, but never for disciplinary reasons. What probably was the most surprising was just how much resolve my wife (girlfriend at the time) showed once she decided to spank me, and the feeling I had that this was actually happening, since I had been thinking about it for many years.
Finally, how do these compare to the most recent spanking? In terms of severity, my wife obviously spanks much harder and longer than she did in the beginning, but I would say this actually peaked a few years ago and dropped off some. Recently, she seems to be taking the severity a bit higher. One thing this had in common with all but one of the spankings I recounted above (the one where the friend was present) is that she was emotionally driven and was basically "venting" on my bottom in all these. I guess that is a significant factor in just how memorable the spanking is, probably because in those cases I feel guilty about making her feel that way.
-ZM
ZM,
DeleteThese really parallel my own with, only the details are different. The first disciplinary spanking was very early with my former GF. She spanked hard for the very beginning of our relationship but the first half dozen or so were tentative as she processed what I had told her that I really needed and wanted discipline. Once she “controlled your bum” ( as we both called it), it was always disciplinary. She had no interest in erotic spanking but did before I met her. I believe in spanking to manage behavior. The first one I remember was in the back seat of an SUV on a remote forest trail. She had ordered me over to her home for attitude over the phone but wanted the privacy the SUV provided.
The most memorable might have been when she showed up at my apartment completely unexpectedly with a new custom-made paddle designed for me. The spanking that followed was my first with a hardwood paddle, it went on well more than an hour with breaks and used most of the rooms of the apartment including one visible from an outside glass window. But the fact that she had ordered a customized paddle has an emotional effect still hard to describe.
A later spanking in my then townhouse with her GF present within hearing was also very memorable, but that spanking with the custom paddle made me realize how serious she was about using corporal punishment.
Comparing these to today, my wife is a spanko and pushes a lot of psychological buttons while spanking longer and probably not as hard. Although earlier, she was very severe often and even today, when she uses her bath brush
Alan
Hi Alan,
DeleteI can see why her showing up with a custom made paddle for spanking you would be a big deal, since it took real effort on her part. When it transitions from being a "me" thing to a "we" thing, it raises the bar significantly.
As for your wife being a spank and pushing a lot of psychological buttons, I think that is huge. While we probably talk a lot about the psychological aspects of spanking, even at that we probably still underestimate them.
-ZM
Keenan has written and talked extensively about this. I have come to think of adult consensual spanking as almost all psychological, mental, and verbal in its expression I will never forget my former GF preparing to spank me saying: "Alan, spanking you is more intimate than having sex" She understood that long before I did The spanking itself is a means to an end, which are essentially the emotions one has before and after the spanking.
DeleteAlan
Alan: "But the fact that she had ordered a customized paddle has an emotional effect still hard to describe."
DeleteWhile it probably took a little less effort, I understand what you mean about the custom paddle and compare it to Anne buying her bath brush. Up until that point, even though we had been doing DD for years, she had *never* bought an implement for herself. And, we had other bath brushes, but she didn't like them. Take the time to shop for a very specific sort of bath brush represented some kind of milestone, in that it showed a change in both her seriousness about imposing discipline and also her ownership of that process.
I seem to be in a bit of a hiatus. Both of us have been busy and I've been trying to keep out of trouble.
ReplyDeleteMy most severe spanking was also the most memorable and was the first where she decided to spank without any agreement from me. I've talked about it previously and was in relation to taunting her with the N word. A lot of new enforceable rules have come in since then.
The last spanking was nine good strokes with the cane and was less painful overall than the wooden paddle for the N word. Individual strokes worse though.
On the subject of hiatus... she has been very busy and distracted but just in the past few days she has been threatening spankings and pointing out my failings again. I think that she is surreptiously asking for blessing to spank me. I am not going to give it to her as I do really like when she makes the decision and makes it happen... over to her!
Mark,
DeleteWe don’t really know what “taunting” means in this context. Why don’t you expand it a little because I hope and believe you are not a racist although you well may be a male in urgent need of a firm disciplinarian. Tell us more if you will
Also, “ she is surreptitiously asking for a blessing to spank me. I am not going to give it”, you are being extremely self-destructive and vindictive with this attitude as well as unfairly pushing her to initiate a disciplinary relationship she will think is non consensual—that’s not good for any adult relationship. If you want and need the spankings, tell her honestly and give her explicit and consensual authority to deal with you.
Trust me: your relationship will blossom over time and you will be a happy guy
Alan
Alan, she has received that permission explicitly on multiple occasions... she just gets out of practice...
DeletePersonally I find "Taunting with the N word" as despicable as it gets and I don't want to get mired in the same muck. I think casual readers of this blog would find it offputting if this becomes a place where we casually laugh of racism and pretend that this is somehow related to this thing we do.
ReplyDeleteAgreed, I apologise for putting it out there again without background (which doesn't justify it). As previously discussed on the blog, in our early twenties nearly 30 years ago there was a silly incident where some of the wives revealed the words that they most hated. The males turned them into a tease of their wives. Anyway, you are right and the tease won't ever be heard again in this house. Apologies.
DeleteThis coming weekend it's my half birthday. Basically Mrs GL, after a warm up spanking, gives me one stroke for every year of life (which I count as we go along) and then an extra one for the half. The choice of implement usually changes but this year it is going to be the same straight handled kooboo junior cane used for the last full birthday. As Mrs GL insists all chastisement is OTK it is unlikely she will harm me but I'm looking forward to it regardless. Cheers GLM
ReplyDeleteAlas I spoke too soon. Mrs GL was running on fumes due to work commitments on Friday night and last night became a no-go due to teenage resistance to reasonable bedtimes and me being too tired to stay up till the middle of the night. As we only practice our varient of DD at weekends looks like I'm going to be disappointed for a week or two. Cheers GLM.
DeleteGreat idea to expand the topic, Alan. One of the most memorable spankings was when I invited my new lady friend to watch me get a spanking from a pro. It was very hard, using a variety of paddles, and lasting about a half hour, with short breaks. It was a test to see if she interested, and it turned out that she was. She wanted to know what it felt like, so the pro spanked her as well, which was very erotic for me. We played around with sexual spanking for a few years, and then I let her know that what I wanted was for her to spank me for real. Nothing happened for a while, and then one night I had a bit to much to drink, and embarrassed her when we were with friends. After a few days, knowing she was unhappy with me, and I told her this would be a good opportunity to express her displeasure with giving me by giving me a real punishment spanking. She rose to the occasion and delivered. For the last 3 years, she has been giving me a maintenance spanking every Monday, which was the most recent spanking I have experienced. They typically are hard, slow, and last at least 5 minutes. This latest one was harder than usual, and lasted for 8 minutes, because I have been getting a little careless with the cell being out around meals, and she decided I needed a reminder. How these compare to the other spankings I've mentioned is that now, spanking has become a regular part of our lives. She has come to accept my need for discipline, and I feel very lucky and grateful to find a mate that can provide the boundaries and guardrails that help me stay on track, be more grounded, more vulnerable and basically be a happier person and a better partner. Another benifet is I have become more honest, and I keep a journal where I self report any infractions, particularly about drinking. It occurs to me, since I just wrote about it, that another topic could be about the benifets and costs for you and your wife practiciing this kind of lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteNorton said: “One of the most memorable spankings was when I invited my new lady friend to watch me get a spanking from a pro. It was very hard, using a variety of paddles, and lasting about a half hour, with short breaks.”
ReplyDeleteMany times, I have wondered how that type of experience works out, so it is good of you to share it. Few women probably realize how severe punishment they can and should (sometimes) administer—and watching a pro is likely to open their eyes to that. Another consequence of going to a pro could be your wife or girlfriend might become a lot more eager to show you what she can do if she wants to. Here I am thinking some about the competition among women, which definitely seems to expand to spanking “their man”
Also, it is interesting how readily she took to spanking you when given the authority and request to do so. I know there are far too many males needing this who don’t find it. But there are also many women who are ready to pick up the brush if given the knowledge and confidence to do so.
Alan
Alan, it was always my lifelong desire to be in a relationship like this, but coming up in the 50s, the world simply didn't seem to include people wired like me. I spanked dozens of women in my life, and it seemed like they enjoyed it, but they never wanted to reciprocate.
ReplyDeleteThe internet really helped with normalizing this desire, beginning with the DWC. Also, there is a wonderful essay on "Why women should consider a F/M spanking relationship"
As far as "the benefits and costs for you and your wife practicing this kind of lifestyle," I think it is super dependent on the people involved, their personalities, and just what the relationship looks like. For example, a total FLR would have entirely different benefits and costs than a DD where the husband is punished only in the ways he has agreed to for breaking a rule that he established.
ReplyDeleteThe whole pro-domina thing is an interesting thing to think about. On the one hand, the thought of it does almost nothing for me, despite my huge fascination with the thought of witnessed spankings. But somehow, the fact that you are paying for it, you don't have a relationship with the domina, and the domina probably is not really all the interested in what is going on, but rather just doing a job takes a lot away from it for me. At the same time, it would probably be interesting for my wife to see just how hard a spanking can actually be. And of course, if my wife were to spank me in front on anyone, I can see how she might show off a bit and maybe even competitively push things further than normal.
-ZM
Hi ZM,
DeleteI can testify that a woman will spank harder and longer if there is another woman present. There is definitely a performative aspect to spanking with a witness present. She is "onstage" but is also signaling to another woman that " this is my guy" and " I own his ass"..." and I am going to demonstrate just how much."
That is just one reason that after you have experienced the witness fantasy it loses a lot of its allure -particularly if the witness is the same woman each time
Alan
Hi Alan, what you said makes a lot of sense. The first time there is a witness, of course the whole thing has some strange erotic charge to it. But probably once it gets going, I can see where the wife might really ramp things up from usual either flaunting her power a bit or as you said showing that she owns his ass. If this happens, I expect that pretty quickly the unusually hard spanking becomes foremost in the spankee's mind, perhaps to the point that the fact there is a witness becomes less of a big deal.
DeleteIf spanked again in front of the same witness, especially multiple times, the witness is less significant, since it isn't a first time for anyone. At that point, it just means a harder spanking than usual.
And probably being spanked in front of someone else lies somewhat between these two scenarios, since it is not a new experience for the disciplinarian or the one being spanked, but it is still presumably a new experience for the witness, and while you have and someone witness a spanking before, it wasn't THIS person.
One thing that I would worry about in the witness scenario, assuming that my wife reacted the same way you described and gave me a super hard spanking, is how would I react to it. Obviously, being spanked in front of someone is already pretty embarrassing, but if the spanking is especially hard, and if it resulted in either lots of thrashing about or even tears, that would seem that much more embarrassing with a witness present.
-ZM
I have no basis whatsoever for judging this, but I've always assumed that a pro was likely to spank LESS hard than a motivated significant other, if for no other reason than liability concerns. I've also always suspected that many who go to a pro might not be looking for the rather tough sessions that DD usually involves. But, as I said, I have zero experience with pros and could be totally wrong.
DeleteHi Dan,
DeleteI agree with you and your reasoning about pro dominas, but like you have no experience to back it up. I have always assumed that absent the relationship and some buy-in by the disciplinarian, the spankings would be more like erotic play, and from the spankee's point of view, largely lacking the emotional impact that being spanked by someone that you know would have.
-ZM
FEMALES LEAVING COMMENTS ON THIS BLOG
ReplyDeleteNorton said: “The internet really helped with normalizing this desire, beginning with the DWC. Also, there is a wonderful essay on "Why women should consider an F/M spanking relationship."
This at first triggered the question for me: why all these groups with very similar interests don’t overlap more; I am thinking in addition to the groups you mentioned, “Very real but Consensual Spanking…”, Spanking Needs forum (another great site) and there are probably other sites that could be mentioned. I know, for instance, that one of the more aggressive proponents of female discipline has read this blog, but never to my knowledge commented. But she does comment quite a bit on the Spanking Needs Forum
She is only one example, but it's not unreasonable to think there are more examples and maybe many more –female disciplinarians or females interested in male discipline who read this blog at least occasionally but don’t comment.
So why don’t they? Rather than try to answer this, I am going to throw it out and hope some others might jump in; the question is not as some have said ( including me) “ Why don’t more females, especially female disciplinarians, read this blog?”
Instead, the question is, why don’t more females who do read this blog not comment?
Alan
I think it may depend a lot on whether the women you are talking about are into DD or, rather, into something much more Femdom-oriented? Just like this isn't really the right room for a real submissive who is heavily into BDSM/Femdom, it probably isn't a good fit for a woman with similar inclinations from the "top" perspective. Similarly, if they are primarily a lifestyle spanko but not that into "real" discipline, this blog might not have much appeal.
DeleteIt seems most women are not obsessed with DD and spanking in the same way us guys are. They spank us because they love us, it's good for the relationship, it makes us more vulnerable and they know we need it. Some probably appreciate knowing they will be listened to, and their partner now does more housework. They don't obsess about why it works or how it works. It's a responsibility they just seem to accept like other things. That's is why I think there are probably few women who read this blog.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you and the reasons you cite for why most women spank ( there are exceptions, but mostly you nailed it) BUT some women do in fact read this blog--how many I don't know, but some at least. But we have not had a female comment for months and over the years, relatively few . And some of them do comment on other blogs , but nut this one. So my questions is why don't they?
DeleteAlan and Norton, I think women don’t post because of a few reasons. My wife’s brain is not hard wired for DD. She does this out of love for me. She despised being paddled growing up and I’m actually surprised she is into it. My ex was weirder out by the whole thing and wanted no part of it. I think because we started erotic spankings and then worked our way into discipline, it helped our relationship. I wanted discipline from my ex immediately. We were high school sweethearts and looking back, it was foolish not to tell her how I felt upfront. Secondly, women think so much differently than we do. I think her thoughts are finally like, “well he behaves better after I beat him” so it’s a win for me and I don’t have to deal with his attitude. My most memorable spanking is, I was pushing her buttons and she was mad. She said another word and I’ll make you go cut a switch. I shut up and didn’t say another word.
DeleteThe next morning she was clearly upset still and grabbed a strap and proceeded to tear my bottom to pieces. I came close
To crying as the strap landed on the back of my thighs. I was sore for days. I needed that thrashing. My wife still goes through spurts. We love each other immensely and she doesn’t want to hurt me. I need that vicious kind of thrashing to set me straight. We definitely have our DD ups and downs. I had a few very good hairbrushings on vacation. They hurt.
T
T., I do suspect that you're right that many women have a very practical mindset about all this and aren't inclined to get into all the "why" questions we obsess about here. Though, that probably doesn't explain it all. My wife reads the blog regularly but just doesn't seem to have any compelling desire to interact.
DeleteA few thoughts, which may or may not be in any way correct...
Delete- This blog is almost entirely about males being disciplined by females. We have talked many times about the fact that it is almost invariably the one who desires or feels the need for discipline to be MUCH more strongly motivated than the one who becomes the disciplinarian. At least some of the low participation by females is likely due to this. I am not sure if this is as true in the BDSM world that the bottom is much more strongly motivated than the top, though that may also be true.
- Assuming that the desire for discipline has at least some erotic component to it, which I believe it does for the majority here, then part of the low amount of female participation might well be driven by females generally not being quite as sexually driven as men. I am not saying that females don't have a strong sex drive, but rather that it seems from my observation (and many others) that guys just seem to think about sex a lot more. So if there is some sexual motivation to the desire for DD, then it follows that females would be less likely to take the time to write much here, even if they might still passively read the blog.
- And finally, I agree with what T wrote about many women having a practical mindset about this.
-ZM
ZM, another angle on your second point may be that precisely because there is an erotic component to the discussion, some women may be leery of having such a discussion with a bunch of men. Think about the DWC and its seeming influence among women. While sex and eroticism was not totally absent from the stories and fact-based material on the website, it was a very, very minor part. I don't think the women in these relationships would deny the eroticism, yet the more we talk about it openly the more some women may not want to participate, because how many women really do plunge right into sexualized talk with a bunch of men.
DeleteWe originally met on a - now long defunct - spanking website, believe it or not, in the last century, long before meeting online was a normal thing to do. This was not disciplinary but erotic and something we were both into. It started off m/f but we started switching very quickly. Fast forward a year or two, we were engaged and had just moved into a new house and I said something relating to the move that really upset her - and regretted it immediately. I don’t remember how the conversation went or who ultimately suggested it (although she had discovered the DWC website by then so was primed for it) but that led to the first real punishment. As I mentioned a few weeks ago, we have had a few hard-and-fast rules in place now for twenty years plus and I recently, unintentionally broke one of those times which earned my my first real punishment for quite a few years. This is naked, spread-eagled and strapped down over a piece of furniture we have for the purpose, immediately following a forced climax, and then one stroke of the cane for (in this case) every dollar of the fee resulting from my error. Fifty strokes on this occasion. More usual spanking are most often OTK with a DWC wooden paddle, generally not too far outside my comfort level for maintenance but quite a bit more severe when discipline is necessary - following an attitude problem or failing to put entries in the family calendar for example. TG
ReplyDeleteYou say "in the last century" as it if is forever ago, but as much as I find it hard to believe, we are getting very close to 20 years in this ourselves. So, not quite "the last century," but close.
DeleteDan is out for another week, and suggested we toss out ideas for discussion, so hopefully, we can continue contributing. One idea I had was to talk about what has happened when you tried to explain your DD relationship with others. I have never had any luck doing that, and it really backfired when I tried to share it with my therapist. The fact that DD has made me so much more balanced and happier in my life would make it seem like she would want to know about how it worked. Instead, it was evident she was completely clueless about DD, and was mostly concerned for my safety. She was hopeful that someday I might evolve from this desire to be spanked, which made me regret ever bringing it up. When I have dropped hints with friends, they don't seem remotely curious, so I no longer even try. Have you had any luck trying to share your lifestyle with others? That is just the first thing that came to mind, but if you have other suggestions for a topic, please put them up.
ReplyDeleteThis would be a great topic to explore. I don't have time now to contribute much now, but I will try to circle back later in the week
DeleteAlan
I'm actually back. I can work this into a full topic for the week, probably getting to it later today.
DeleteI have been away, so I missed this topic. I have been talking about my spanking with my therapist—both childhood spankings and FLR/DD in my marriage. She is much less negative about “adult consensual spanking” than your therapist seems to be, Norton, although she is clear that she believes that sadomasochistic kink can be dangerous or unhealthy in some circumstances. I have had to struggle with inhibition in talking to her about this stuff, but she is very supportive, so I am managing.
DeleteOops, forgot to sign. This is GH.
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