“Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.” - Benjamin Franklin
Hello all. Welcome back to the first meeting of the Disciplinary Couples Club for 2023.
As an initial matter, if you haven’t responded to last week’s Q&A post, please do so if you are so inclined.
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As for my traditional New Years' kick-off post, well, what a year. While it ended on some relatively positive notes, for us it got off to a really lousy start. I began it quarantined with Covid in a foreign country, while our community was dealing with a really horrific event. The market meltdown that began around October of 2021 extended through the entire year, which put a BIG dent in my plans to retire on investment gains.
Yet, I also feel like the world normalized a little compared to 2020 and 2021. Insurrectionists are going to jail in droves. Election deniers largely lost their mid-term elections. Huge verdicts against Alex Jones will, hopefully, give fellow conspiracy theorists some pause. The Ukrainians reminded us that the world doesn’t have to give in to thugs and autocrats. “I need ammunition, not a ride” and “Russian warship, go fuck yourself” inspired the hell out of me and others.
On a personal level, overall it wasn’t
a bad year, other than financially. Yeah,
I got Covid and some of the symptoms lingered for a while, but my life was
never in real danger. Our family and friends all got through the year more or
less unscathed. As a friend says
whenever I ask him how his family is doing: “Everyone’s alive. No one’s in jail.”
On the other hand, I am kind of annoyed with myself that I let 2022 drift. A lot. Here are the goals I posted for last year:
- Solidify the progress I made last year on reducing the number of excessive drinking incidents.
- Renew and energize some friendships that I let drift away over the last few years when I was too focused on career.
- Volunteer on some effort that has a real and substantial impact on the lives of vulnerable or powerless people.
- Take at least three long road trips with Anne and the dogs.
- Complete drafts of two books I’ve wanted to write for some time but never seem to get around to.
- Multiple multi-state motorcycle trips.
- Take up some sport or demanding fitness activity that doesn’t take place in a gym.
- Reverse the recent losses in our investment portfolio.
Of those 8 items, I fully
completed only one. A couple of others I
sort of partially fulfilled. Overall, it
was a pretty uninspiring performance. Though, I also do forget sometimes that I didn't have full control over some of these. Covid did get me off on a poor footing for the new year and it did linger. I just didn't feel well for the first two or three months of the year, which makes hitting goals with real energy hard. We also had unusually lousy weather throughout the spring and early summer, which was a problem for some of the trips I'd envisioned taking. Anne was still working during the first half of the year, which meant no big trips together. And, of course, there wasn't much I could do about the investment portfolio losses given that the whole market took a dump the entire year.
The one area I’d say I made some legitimate headway was in writing. I
didn’t get remotely close to the book drafts, but I did start doing some
shorter writing projects on another platform, and I did manage to produce a decent amount of
content over the course of the year. I also did get more consistent with maintaining this blog after letting thing slide in 2021.
So, what are my resolutions for 2023? Basically, to do all those I didn’t make headway on in 2022. I think there are two big themes I need to keep firmly in my mind.
First, over the last couple of months, I feel like I keep getting hit over the head with messages from the Universe relating to the difficulties men have making or keeping friendships in middle-age. I need to make renewing and fostering some old friendships a big priority. It would also be a great thing to make some new friends now that I’m more or less retired, though that seems to be easier said than done. But, that’s OK. Renewing existing friendships will itself take plenty of time and attention.
Second, one of my big misses last year was volunteering. For some reason, I can’t quite get my heart into it. Yet, I also feel like if there is one thing that might cause me real regret on my deathbed, it would be not helping others enough. So, I really need to find some cause I can contribute to and feel really passionate about. Unfortunately, I keep hoping the Universe will give me a nudge in some particular direction, but so far no luck.
One area I feel we DID make some big strides in was on the DD/FLR/kink front. We definitely had some hiccups along the way, but I feel like this year was perhaps our biggest ever in terms of Anne really embracing her role and taking charge more. She also was a lot more cavalier about people potentially finding out. I had been surprised that not all that much changed when we started empty-nesting and I retired, but as it turned out the real key was her retiring. I think it removed some of the pressure of trying to find time to administer more frequent discipline. It definitely was key to her new cavalier attitude about others knowing, like spanking me with our window shades open. She has commented that there was always this anxiety in the background about the possible ramifications of people at work finding out. Once that was removed, she stopped caring nearly as much about others possibly finding out about this thing we do.
Given that she is taking charge more, one could say that where the Domestic Discipline and FLR aspect of our relationship is concerned, it’s really her resolutions for 2023 that count, not mine. There are a few areas we’ve talked about, however, that I think may be areas she actually works on in the upcoming year.
First and perhaps most importantly, she does still tend to let me off the hook way too often. One thing we talked about recently is she tends to ask me whether I think a particular bit of less-than-ideal behavior deserves a spanking. The problem with that approach is, while I may think of all sorts of things that she should spank me for, I change my mind awfully quickly when confronted with the possibility of an immediate spanking. Given the opportunity, eight times out of ten I’m going to try to talk my way out of one. Therefore, asking my opinion is a problem unless she is very quick to dismiss and override it.
Second, and related to the first, disrespect and disobedience have been long-running problems. There are way too many times that I dismiss her opinions or do things like rolling my eyes when she’s saying something. It’s never been clear to me why she’s tended to focus so much attention on things like over-indulging on alcohol that really don’t have much immediate impact on her, yet she lets things like being disrespectful or disobedient slide.
Third, we’ve said for a long time that there really needs to be a lower trigger for a spanking. If she finds herself feeling annoyed or angry at something, the whole purpose of our DD relationship is to give her a means to address it there and then.
Fourth, lecturing/scolding is something that she did more this year. And, it didn’t go so well. My ego had a very hard time dealing with a couple of the more intense scoldings. Yet, the fact that I did react so negatively a couple of times is an indication that the whole dynamic was becoming both more real and getting at some deeper problems. While I think it is very hard for both of us, I also think it is very good for both of us and for our dynamic if she verbalizes her concerns much more frequently and follows them up with a spanking.
How about you? Do you have any specific goals or aspirations for the new year, whether related to domestic discipline or more vanilla aspects of your life or relationship? Anything that you particularly want to achieve? Any specific bad behaviors you’d like to conquer? I for one would be very interested in hearing more about the “back to basics” approach that Alan says his wife wants to implement in 2023.
Also, if anyone would like to share, did holiday socializing result in any well-earned spankings?
I hope you have a great 2023. The bar is set awfully low for this to be a better year, but let’s all try to do our part.
Dan, Happy New Year to you and the other bloggers. What an exhausting end to the year. We had family with little one who were in town. I now understand why we have children when young lol. For the first time in years, we had zero family drama during the holidays. I cannot say the same for friends of ours. This time of the year is my favorite, but I’m glad it’s over. Regarding the topics from last week, we have never used Dildos, rubber or lexan. My wife gives a painful enough spanking without those type of instruments. My wife generally instructs me to take my pants and underwear down and bend over the bed. This is very maternal like, and it was how I was punished growing up. My wife generally uses a just one instrument. We have a Vermont paddle and a leather belt that is pretty severe. She also utilizes thick wooden spoons at times. Two have broken over my bare bottom. We are not consistent enough with punishments. It’s something I hope to encourage her more with this year. We had a very big argument prior to Christmas. She was upset with me for three days. As we approached the holiday, we made love and made up. She then said, she should of had me cut a switch and whip the hell out of me. I was stunned and scared all at the same time. I answered her by saying, she should have. She has never mentioned a switching before which I found ironic. My wife and I remain very private about DD. I would not want anyone finding out including neighbors. I think it’s still just too taboo. As I have posted, I do think a few of my friends would benefit from some DD. I don’t know about my reaction to DD and our children finding out. I have mixed emotions about the topic.
ReplyDeleteWe do not usually make love after punishment. I would like to keep it separate. We have on occasion made love after a punishment and it has been exceptional. I feel so much closer to my wife after a good thrashing. I do remember one time after a punishment session, she gave me a good beating and when done told me to get out of her sight. I pulled my pants up and left the room ashamed and embarrassed. I could have used some aftercare and a hug but understood she was upset. I plan to encourage her to scold and humiliate more this year. What I really would like is a humiliating scolding, a spanking, corner time and her forcing me to give her oral with zero release for
me. As far as other punishments go, we have no desire for others. My wife still wants me to be the husband and feels other punishments would make it feel child like. I hope everyone has a safe and healthy New Years.
T
Hi T. Sorry it was so exhausting. Like you, the holidays are my favorite time of year, but this time I too was just tired and glad to see them over.
DeleteDickens really "invented" modern Christmas and profit-driven commercialization has turned it into the guilt-inspiring, spending obsession it has become. Dickens isn't read so much these days, but his work, especially his Christmas material is great to read or reread this time of year.
DeleteAlan
I had watched versions of a Christmas Carol dozens of times, and the George C. Scott version has become a tradition for me. But, I finally got around to actually reading it a couple of years ago. Loved it.
DeleteAnn and I love the George C. Scott version of “A Christmas Carol!!”
DeleteIt's great!
DeleteI also have a couple of books in my head. One is a novel about a journalist. The other is a book on parenting. 2023 would be a good year to write both.
ReplyDeleteKOJ
It's been a goal of mine for so long, and "I don't have time" was always my excuse when I was working. No such excuse these days.
DeleteAt the start of the holiday season I did have some interaction with Beth's sisters that led to a spanking, but I learned from that experience. Our Christmas visits with them came and went without the need for follow up discipline.
ReplyDeleteLooking ahead, I know that I need to work on my patience. When I become frustrated, I know that it becomes very unpleasant for the people I am around. I can control my emotions when I need to, but my wife sees this side of me too often. When she observes me getting that way, I wish she would quickly take action. I feel like a prompt spanking before it escalates would be a teachable moment for me. Such childish behavior has already led to a few spankings, but frankly it hasn't been often enough. Going forward, I'm going to suggest that she give me what I need in a more timely manner.
"I feel like a prompt spanking before it escalates would be a teachable moment for me." I get that and hope Beth takes you up on your suggestion. For me, the problem is often temper, which arises so fast that there isn't much of a chance to cut it off before it escalates.
DeleteOf all the things I could get spanked for, in-law issues are way, way down on the list. My in-laws do drive me nuts, but they make Anne even nuttier. She gets along fine with my family, but her own mother makes her crazy and we don't engage at all with her siblings these days.
"For me, the problem is often temper, which arises so fast that there isn't much of a chance to cut it off before it escalates."
DeleteThat's a good point. Although my "tantrums" (as Beth calls them) do tend to spiral, there often isn't much time for her to react at the outset. We've had a discussion and Beth will try to nip it quickly, but if that doesn't happen, I'll still get a spanking every time. That's our new year's resolution anyway, so we'll see how it goes.
Hi all, long time. On NYE whilst in the company of neighbours a slightly tipsy Mrs GL announced she was the house ruler and enjoyed the idea. Clearly, given my long-standing need to persuade her to up her game from semi-vanilla occasional spanker to full on wife in charge I have already written a "Domestic Peacefulness Agreement" which formalise's her "Head of" status. Whether I'll ever show her it will depend on whether I believe she will consider it properly. I like the DP designation, it isn't much different in the details to how an FM DD arrangement might look except it focuses on the over-arching peacefulness, it just happens that peacefulness tends to happen after my bottom has been smacked (even if just mildly at home rather than well in other places). Cheers GLM.
ReplyDeleteHi GLM. Happy 2023. How did your neighbors take your wife's announcement regarding her status?
DeleteThe conversation was started by a neighbour couple debating who was "in charge" in their relationship. So when Mrs GL put in her contribution it just solicited merriment, I said nothing.
DeleteI do think that it is not all that uncommon for women to "wear the pants" in some relationships. Also, I think that when it comes to who makes the decisions and things like that, it is not taboo at all. It is only when it crosses over into talking about wielding actual authority - or maybe a paddle ;-) haha - that it starts to become a bit taboo.
Delete-ZM
Only a small thing to add but Dev wanted me over her knee at the stroke of midnight. It was only a hand spanking and didn’t hurt. It secretly has always been one of my fantasies… We leave for Florida Friday. She is going to give a spanking every day til we leave. She’s already given two ( and they did hurt ) JR
ReplyDeleteYour year is off with a bang. Literally.
DeleteI'd like to see my partner get back to more discipline. It seems she and I have let things slip a bit in the punishment area. I still get regular maintenance spankings which work well, but there are times I feel I should be disciplined, but she waives it.
ReplyDeleteWe started off the New Year with me being informed I would be getting a spanking New years eve, and a maintenance spanking the next day. The spanking yesterday lasted about 8 minutes, so I am pretty sore already. I'll be getting the next one this afternoon, and she will be using a new cane on me at the end. She has certainly upped her game, and I am happy she feels like doing it. We have been spending a lot of time together, and now she has me well trained, so I don't need discipline very often. She seems to realize by not letting things slide, she gets better behavior from me. We have been retired for a long time, and she seems to be taking on a more authoritative role, which I love. I'll address a few questions from the last post. We use only 2 wooden paddles, and sometimes a leather strap. Like Dan, most of the enjoyment stems from her exerting her authority. Like Alan, I used to be ashamed of my unending need for spankings, but now it is a source of joy and stress relief. Anyway, Hope you are also starting out the New Year with a sore bottom and a relaxed state of mind.
ReplyDeleteI often feel ashamed also. Then I feel ashamed because I feel ashamed. ( if that makes any sense ). We talked about this yesterday and she assures me there’s nothing to worry about but it still bothers me.
ReplyDeleteDan writes: “I for one would be very interested in hearing more about the “back to basics” approach that Alan says his wife wants to implement in 2023.”
ReplyDeleteMe too! It’s a work in progress and I will write some about it as it takes a little more form. She is approaching it as “what is our DD going to look like in retirement? At least that seems like where she is going ( I have shared with her some of the discussion about retirement and in retirement DD on the blog and it has interested her.
Alan
That's great. For us, it has been way more a process than an event, but I'm not sure we put the proactive thought into it that you and your wife seem to be doing.
DeleteShe has done a lot of reading on retirement and some workshops. She sees it as something of a second career sans the pesky job that came with the first
DeleteI wish mine had that much direction. I do need to figure out the "second career" thing this year. Drifting and directionless is not a good look for me.
DeleteRetirement really does deserve even more thought and planning than given to it usually. When my grandparents retired they expected a few more years of life, much of it spent in their rocking chairs. And that is just what happened to many of their friends. Today people commonly spend 30 to 30 years in "active " retirement, an interval equal to a normal "career" As a society we haven't done a lot to acknowledge the vast changes that have occurred.
DeleteAlan
I definitely agree retirement requires a lot of thought and planning, but one thing I'm struggling with during this early stage is how much some things seem to remain out of your control no matter how rational your plan seems at the beginning. I couldn't have anticipated that during the first two years of retirement, my plan to live on stock appreciation would evaporate in the worst market since 2008. I also didn't quite get how hard it is to lose the feeling that you need to be "productive" or "accomplishing" something. It's been a much bigger issue than I ever could have planned for. I've also been surprised at how often I feel like there are big, competing demands for my time, even when work is completely out of the equation.
DeleteI completed a book in 2022 and have had no luck getting an agent. I did get positive feedback about my writing and a suggestion for a different novel with a male protagonist (my current book has a female protagonist). So far, I've made nearly no progress with the new book. It's too depressing to get endless agent rejections. I am going to press on despite the sad state of my success.
ReplyDeleteBuck up, buddy! You haven’t even started to be a writer until you get at least 50 rejections (and remember, most traditional publishers can’t tell a winner from a frog with trench foot.) Your writing is more than good enough to publish given a good plot and believable characters. Consider either self-publishing or its evil twin, Amazon’s kindle. Lots of folks are going that way today and are happy with it.
ReplyDeleteAlan
Agreed. A traditional agent would be great, but it's hardly a requirement these days. And, you can always go the route of traditional agent and publisher *after* self-publishing. 50 Shades of Grey began as a piece of self-published fan lit.
DeleteI would find the whole rejection thing very difficult if I were an author, since I guess I am very rejection sensitive. Having said that, in all of human history it has never been easier to publish (at least in some form) than it is right now.
Delete-ZM
"Having said that, in all of human history it has never been easier to publish (at least in some form) than it is right now." Exactly. Authors and would be authors are, however, kind of an entitled bunch. They don't always seem to see that being provided a platform doesn't mean the platform is required to give you an audience.
DeleteAgreed! However, while every author aspires every writing to be a widely read triumph, writing itself can be its own reward
DeleteAlan
Hi Dan,
ReplyDelete“First and perhaps most importantly, she does still tend to let me off the hook way too often.” – My wife is like yours on this. She was just lamenting last week that she is too soft on things.
“…while I may think of all sorts of things that she should spank me for, I change my mind awfully quickly when confronted with the possibility of an immediate spanking.” – I too am exactly this way. While it is counterproductive to talk her out of spankings, somehow it seems to be part of the dynamic I need, and perhaps it is a sign that the punishment is real, because I really want to get out of it.
“If she finds herself feeling annoyed or angry at something, the whole purpose of our DD relationship is to give her a means to address it there and then.” – Again, we are pretty much the same. As I have said quite a few times before, my wife says that often she simply forgets to turn to spanking in those instances.
“Fourth, lecturing/scolding is something that she did more this year. And, it didn’t go so well. My ego had a very hard time dealing with a couple of the more intense scoldings. Yet, the fact that I did react so negatively a couple of times is an indication that the whole dynamic was becoming both more real and getting at some deeper problems.” – It is kind of ironic that one of the reasons that we seek DD relationships is to tame our excessive egos, but then those same egos are one of the biggest barriers to the DD relationship.
Overall, I want my wife to be more strict, to expect more, and to turn to spanking much quicker when she is irritated. If she does this, I will probably still try to talk my way out of it most of the time, but I need her to steamroll my objections and assert her authority.
However, we had something happen a week or so ago which made me realize the limitations of DD. You have said before that DD seems to work best on smaller issues. I am not convinced that it cannot also work on bigger issues, but I think at least one time that DD does NOT work well is if the underlying issue is a very sore subject for him; if even rationally talking about the issue is likely to make him upset, then her spanking him for anything related to it won’t be such a good idea. The thing that happened in this case involved my wife’s two sons, and how they seem to take her for granted even as she endlessly caters to their every whim. This is a very sore subject for me, and in fact is the only thing ever that has ever caused me to question whether or not we should have gotten married. Anyway, I was upset about something that happened (relatively minor), and she didn’t like my attitude and threated to spank me, and I became quite angry. This issue is something that I have such strong feelings about that even if she were to spank me for my attitude or how I responded to her (so not directly about the issue but just in some way related to it), I would have taken it badly because there is already some resentment there.
On the other hand, if the underlying issue is something that she feels strongly about or even resents, and if he doesn’t have any resentment about it, then it would probably be fair game, though I would not want to be on the receiving end of the paddle for that punishment! So I do think that DD could work even for some larger issues, but since the one being spanked is obviously the one more prone to resentment regarding the punishment, DD is probably best left for things where he doesn’t already have strong negative feelings or resentment to start with.
-ZM
"It is kind of ironic that one of the reasons that we seek DD relationships is to tame our excessive egos, but then those same egos are one of the biggest barriers to the DD relationship."
DeleteI agree with you on the irony, though I think it is an indication--similar to trying to get out of spankings even if you want the overall dynamic--that what is going on is real.
I'm sorry you guys had that kind of impasse, but I get it. When I look at the two issues we had that roused resentment, the common element was that she was punishing something related to communications. Being told how to communicate or, more pertinently not communicate, seems to touch a nerve. Probably because communicating was the essence of my job for 30+ years, I've been formally trained to do it, and I tend to have well thought out opinions when I do communicate. So, having someone try to censor them clearly strikes pretty close to an identity issue. Yet, in both circumstances, I could acknowledge after the fact (the first a very long time after the fact, and the second time within a few days), that there are times that I am, in fact, too aggressive in how I say something and also, whether I like it or not, I do need to think about the audience when it comes to certain content.
I can see how the dynamic with your wife's sons could be a very touchy point. We have a similar issue with my in-laws, but thankfully Anne and I are both on the same page, with both us feeling like her siblings take advantage of her mother. If anything, my wife feels even more strongly about it than I do.
What you said about the communications issue and how it strikes pretty close to an identity issue makes a lot of sense. That would make it harder to accept correction.
Delete"Yet, in both circumstances, I could acknowledge after the fact (the first a very long time after the fact, and the second time within a few days), that there are times that I am, in fact, too aggressive in how I say something and also, whether I like it or not, I do need to think about the audience when it comes to certain content." - I too can see that I over-react in the case of my wife and her sons (both of whom I love a lot, just to be clear on that). If it were most any other issue, then it would work ok for my wife to say "I am not spanking you for ___________, but rather because attitude/how you're treating others/how you are treating me" or whatever, and while I might not like it at the time, I too would probably come around either during the spanking or in the days following. But in the case of something that is in any way related, even peripherally, to such a hot-button topic, it just doesn't seem to work that way.
But as I said, it might well work just fine in cases where the underlying issue is a painful or sore subject with my wife. She would just be more likely to vent more of her wrath on my bottom in that case.
-ZM
You're clearly right that any problems with using DD for "hot button" issues are probably about hot button issues for the spankee, not the spanker. For the spanker, if anything, the combination of DD and a hot button issue is an opportunity.
DeleteWe had some hot button issues, like all couples. But my wife never tried to punish me for my position on one of those issues, but rather for my attitude in expressing my position. Some comments above express concern about being punished for one's "style of communication." But I knew full well when I was being inappropriate and deserving of punishment. My wife took the position that I should always be the consummate gentleman, especially with her but with others as well. So she would point out if I was being rude, harsh, disrespectful, yelling, overly sarcastic, etc. It wasn't what I was saying but how I was saying it. And that was spankable. In fact, that was the primary reason I was punished over the years, even though I, like Dan, was a professional communicator. She was very clear: "You are not being spanked for your opinion but for how you are expressing it in a disrespectful manner." Of course she was right, and I accepted those punishments, even if it was a hot button issue. In actuality, after she had spanked me really hard and adjusted my attitude, we then often were able to discuss the hot button issue in a much more level-headed way -- and possibly reach some resolution, or at least agree to disagree without hostility or resentment. But first I needed to be humbled over her knee. And she knew that was to both our benefit.
DeleteKOJ
"So she would point out if I was being rude, harsh, disrespectful, yelling, overly sarcastic, etc. It wasn't what I was saying but how I was saying it. And that was spankable. In fact, that was the primary reason I was punished over the years, even though I, like Dan, was a professional communicator. She was very clear: "You are not being spanked for your opinion but for how you are expressing it in a disrespectful manner.""
DeleteOur recent experiences with resentment and fights is a bit mixed where content vs. style is concerned. The first time, the issue was closer to what you describe -- she primarily was upset because she thought I was being overbearing and dominating a conversation. The second time, the argument was more about content, and that one I think would have been much more problematic to deal with via spanking.
Though, I do appreciate this observation: In actuality, after she had spanked me really hard and adjusted my attitude, we then often were able to discuss the hot button issue in a much more level-headed way -- and possibly reach some resolution, or at least agree to disagree without hostility or resentment." For me, I think it would depend on just how "hot" the the "hot button" issue is, and how hot emotions are running at the time.
“How about you? Do you have any specific goals or aspirations for the new year, whether related to domestic discipline or more vanilla aspects of your life or relationship? Anything that you particularly want to achieve? Any specific bad behaviors you’d like to conquer?”
ReplyDeleteAs far as resolutions go, I still have last years list, so I guess that saves a lot of thinking!
But actually, last year was a pretty good year in many ways. I did lose quite a bit of weight and have kept at least some of it off, I was more physically active than before, and all this was in the midst of a heavy work load (and lots of progress on that front) and even helping start a baking business on the side (not exactly the preferred path to weight loss).
For this coming year, weight loss and fitness are my main goals. If I accomplish nothing else, I don’t want to fail at that, since I can see some very negative impacts it is having on my health.
Professionally, I think this year will be truly a make or break year, where we either go big or fail. Or at the very least, I think the direction we are moving will become very clear. While success is obviously a goal for me, I think that a lot of the work that it will take has already been done this last year, so now it is just a matter to time and perseverance (and of course continued work) to see if it yields the desired results.
Personally, I want to be more intentional in recognizing and being thankful for all of the good things in my life. I came up with this resolution as I was typing here some weeks ago: “to daily find something that I am thankful for, and to let that gratefulness express itself towards those around me in graciousness and generosity.” – So far, I have missed somewhat on the daily part, but I am in general turning towards thankfulness and hope.
As far as bad behaviors go, probably one of the ones that I NEED to improve is checking out women – especially their butts, since I am totally into butts. It is not that I expect to quit noticing altogether, but I certainly don’t want to be openly staring since that is disrespectful to my wife as well as the one I am checking out. A few weeks ago, I began noting just how many times each day I found myself really checking someone out, and I was surprised at just how many times this happens each day. Of course, I must add that in my defense I live in one of the places in the world with countless young, drop-dead gorgeous women, so that does make it harder to not notice.
While pretty much all these goals are pretty vanilla, most of them can, should, and will be tracked on our weekly check-ins, which turns them into DD goals.
Of course, there are many other DD things that I would love to see happen this year, like more traction on witnesses, more strictness, and things like that, but as Dan said, much of that has more to do with my wife’s resolutions.
-ZM
"For this coming year, weight loss and fitness are my main goals. If I accomplish nothing else, I don’t want to fail at that, since I can see some very negative impacts it is having on my health."
DeleteFor me, this would be totally antithetical to your goal of stopping checking out butts. Checking out butts in yoga and workout pants is the primary thing that keeps me going back to the gym day after day.
I thought maybe we guys on here should have some kind of weight accountability contest, with spankings for not hitting goals. The problem for me is that I took off enough the last two years that, while I still have a ways to go, I'm at that stage where it gets very hard to put up big losses.
"For me, this would be totally antithetical to your goal of stopping checking out butts. Checking out butts in yoga and workout pants is the primary thing that keeps me going back to the gym day after day." - I literally laughed out loud when I read your comment, and then I read it to my wife and we both laughed out loud. I just can't tell you how difficult this one is here, since I am swimming in a sea of beautiful young women. In America we have beautiful women, but only maybe 10% or less are stunning. Here it is more like 80%, and they are all 20-25.
DeleteRegarding checking out girls, I actually think this particular infraction would be something pretty perfect for a "witness" situation (though I would probably just be dying). I am imagining either my wife scolding me in front of the one I was checking out - like maybe one of her friends or something - and making it clear that I am going to be spanked when I get home, or even worse the person that I was checking out being there when I am spanked.
As far as the weight accountability contest with spankings for not hitting goals, it sounds interesting, but I am afraid I might be standing a lot of the time when typing posts here!
-ZM
"In America we have beautiful women, but only maybe 10% or less are stunning. Here it is more like 80%, and they are all 20-25." Clearly you need to invite me for a visit sometime." LOL Though, as I've said on here many times, the 20-25 year-old set isn't really my thing. Add 20 years though, and I'm there.
DeleteHop on a plane...!
Delete"...as I've said on here many times, the 20-25 year-old set isn't really my thing." - I agree that from a maturity standpoint, they leave a lot to be desired. However, it should be noted that as I gaze - usually a little too long - at their pretty, pert, perky, (and maybe playful and/or palatable) posteriors, I am a bit more focused on their physical maturity than on their emotional maturity.
-ZM
"Stunning" is a pretty subjective judgement. But I would tend to agree with the 10 percent estimate with the caveat that it applies around the world. Although I very much resonate to Dan's comment re the 20 somethings. Most women in my experience must get somewhere north of 30 before, they have the depth and maturity to be really "interesting". That is not sexist Btw, Most men need that and sometimes more before they learn to keep both feet on the ground at the same time
DeleteAlan
Hi Alan,
DeleteI agree that "stunning" is very subjective. I don't necessarily agree that the 10 percent estimate applies equally around the world. The girls here have striking facial features. Our population mostly is ethnically "pure" (since none of the countries around here get along with any of the other countries, we are all tribal, and we only trust our own), so we have a few basic architypes or models, and most everyone fits pretty neatly into one of those general looks. Skin tone is generally on the darker side, but not too dark, so everyone mostly looks lightly tanned, even in the winter. Of course, there are some fair skinned people, and a few - very few - natural blondes and redheads. So, when you see the people here in their 20's, they are mostly (not 100%, but a huge percentage) very beautiful, with perfect skin, hair, facial features, and the vast majority with trim, fit bodies because of not having such easy access to unhealthy foods and most people walking many kilometers every day.
When they get in their 30's it starts to change somewhat, because many or most people smoke which causes premature skin aging. Also, people don't spend nearly as much on beauty products here as in the US. So, in their 30's, there are still a fair number of beautiful women, but a much smaller percentage than when in their 20's.
This trend continues, so that by the time they are in their upper 40's or 50's, there are only a small percentage that I would consider beautiful. Also, society largely teaches them that after they have children, they don't need to really think much of themselves because they have fulfilled their purpose, so I would say that many 50 year old's here have stopped living and are merely existing; no hopes, no dreams, no aspirations, little concern for much of anything.
All that is to say that in my opinion the young women here are as a group the prettiest I have seen (arguably, of course), but then life catches up with everyone pretty quickly, so there are a higher percentage of older Americans who are pretty (and much younger looking) than those of similar ages here.
-ZM
BTW, I am not sure if I made it clear in my earlier comment, but I do agree that most women in their 20's are really lacking in depth and maturity. After my first marriage fell apart about 10 years ago, I went through a period where I had a few sub-25 year old girlfriends, and while that period was generally fun and certainly interesting, it was also pretty ill-advised, and ultimately, I am so very happy to have found and married an "adult" (someone only 10 years younger than me) that I could relate to on many levels.
Delete-ZM
I would be up for a weight-loss contest. One way to make it a bit more fair is to measure it as a percentage of one's starting weight, rather than by pounds. So a 180-pound guy losing 5 percent is 9 pounds, whereas a 280-pound guy losing 5 percent is 14 pounds. It's still easier for the heavier guy, but not quite as unfair as measuring by pounds lost.
DeleteOf course, the spankers would have to be in on this to provide consequences, and since I don't have a spanker I would have to have another form of punishment. But just having to report weight loss (or the lack of it) here on a weekly basis might be enough motivation!
In regards to beautiful women, my template has changed a lot as I have aged. I am now drawn to heavier women, with a substantial behind and chest, who might be at the top or even a bit beyond those height/weight charts, when as a younger man I was attracted to the lithe look. Age isn't much of a factor for me in physical attractiveness. But if we are talking about all aspects, I am attracted more than anything to women (regardless of looks) who might be described as complicated: deep, multi-leveled, mysterious, fascinating, even mercurial and/or unfathomable. MY wife was such a woman ...
KOJ
Part of my attraction to older women undoubtedly is the mental/emotional maturity thing. Anne and I met when she was in her early 20s, and she'd concur it got a little rough sometimes because of some maturity issues on both our parts. But, I also am physically more attracted to women in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. The super tight, perfect bodies just don't do as much for me.
DeleteKOJ, what you find attractive--both in terms of physicality and temperament/psychology--and what I do seem to be very much in synch.
DeleteThe only specific goal is another baby. As for more general goals, continuous improvement in how we do DD and improvement in my fitness and physique.
ReplyDeleteJ
A baby would definitely be a big 2023 change.
DeleteNot particularly, given the other young children we already have, but I can appreciate that for a smaller family or one where the children are older, it might be a big change.
DeleteJ
Geez Bad boy, I’m w Dan on this one, I would love to get an invite to your country! If 80 percent of the women are drop dead gorgeous, then I’m living in the wrong state/country!! On the New years note, I started my gym routine again. I also plan to play two summer sports that I did not play last year. One reason was work related and the other was time. My New years goals are to be much more active, and also encourage my wife to step up her DD. Like ZM, I am a butt women. My wife has a great butt and I can’t stop looking at butts at the gym. Why go lol!! As much as I would like to change that, I doubt it will ever happen. I agree that my communication surrounding DD needs to be better with me. I feel sometimes my wife needs more encouragement to punish. I have a big ego as well. Unlike some of the examples above, I don’t remember trying to talk my way out of a spanking. I had family over for the New Year. They left late on New Years Day. I actually was gonna ask my wife for a spanking to start the New year off right, but family got in the way. The goal is to have that happen this weekend. I mentioned this just after New Years Day and she concurred.
ReplyDeleteT
Good for you on getting the gym routine started again! Now, just don't give it up. I was in the gym two days ago, and the answer to when do people give up New Year's resolution apparently is "January 4th." The place was deserted.
Delete"My wife has a great butt and I can’t stop looking at butts at the gym. Why go lol!! As much as I would like to change that, I doubt it will ever happen." Honestly, I have no desire to change it. Being sexually attracted is natural, until you get old. I don't have any particular desire to rush being old.
I don’t have resolutions and haven’t had any holiday related spankings. What I did have was a spanking that had to wait from last week. We decided to wait until yesterday so I’d leave for my business trip on Sunday with a sore butt.
ReplyDeleteThe problem was that I forgot to take my meds one morning, a two spanking offense. So, yesterday, I got three spankings throughout the day. My butt is black and blue.