“Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.” - H. G. Wells
Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club. Our (mostly) weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.
I hope you all had a good week. Mine was okay, though I became one of the statistics proving that it takes most people about two weeks to blow through all those New Year's resolutions.
Though, it’s probably the case that in a justly-designed world, New Year’s resolutions would not take effect until mid-January. It seems to take the holiday season a couple of weeks to fully wind down after January 1st, and my fails last week definitely reflected having family and friends around more than usual. Oh well . . . time to pick myself up, dust myself off . . . and give 2023 another try.
Another thing that kind of blew last week was Lisa Marie Presley’s death. He was one of the first musical artists I knew and loved as a kid. It’s definitely making me feel old that his kid died and was close to my age. Of course, the passing of celebrities in 2022 drove that message home over and over again. It wasn’t that more celebrities and important sports and political figures died than in any other year. Rather, it just seemed like there were more of them who were personally meaningful to me and played a prominent role in my cultural life. I suspect it’s something I better get used to.
On that cheery note . . . despite the holiday distractions we got a fair amount of interaction in discussing Donn’s topic asking whether the men here are attracted to domestic discipline because they have a need for it or, rather, because it is useful in some way. The answers were all over the map and served mainly to emphasize something that a decade with this blog has really driven home for me – human behavior and desire is complicated, and there really is no one prevalent path that leads us to this thing we do. Although, I do think for most—though not all—there is some sexualized “need” involved.
This week’s topic is tangentially related—probably very tangentially—to the issue of sex and domestic discipline, combined with our seemingly inexhaustible need to discuss “others”, whether those others be witnesses or participants. I’m really not sure why this topic popped into my head, but it did, so here goes:
If your wife had the opportunity
to spank another man, how would you react to that?
I haven’t given a lot of thought
to this one, because the opportunity has never arisen, and I’ve never had any
particular reason or desire to try to create such an opportunity. I also wonder whether it's something that other men who are into DD find either threatening or distasteful, because it's not a scenario that appears very often in spanking art and memes.
Yet, in some ways it’s odd I haven’t thought about it much, given the role the Disciplinary Wives Club website played in the formation of my domestic discipline desires.
While a scenario of one wife spanking another’s husband isn’t depicted frequently on the DWC website, it is depicted prominently. The first two entries under the “Fiction Stories” section involve a wife imposing a domestic discipline spanking relationship on her husband as punishment for him looking too longingly and obviously at a friend’s legs. After giving him his first disciplinary spanking, she takes him to the friend’s house a few days later so the friend also can spanking.
A few weeks ago, we also talked about the DWC “Real People” story entitled Military Duty Calls, in which a wife doing a tour of duty leaves her mother in charge of disciplining her husband while she’s away. It includes a scene in which the mother-in-law discusses the situation with her husband, who not only approves of her surrogate disciplinarian role but ends up getting spanked himself after his wife raises the possibility with him.
The reason I see this as tangentially related to last week’s topic is, for me at least, it raises the question again of just how much are domestic discipline spankings inherently bound up in sex.
In my basic wiring, I’m not nearly as jealous as Anne. Still, if I were to learn that she was sleeping with another man, I’m sure I would feel jealousy and anger. That’s how most men would react, right?
Yet, I don’t think I would feel much jealousy about my wife spanking another man. While I acknowledge that there is erotic energy underlying my own fascination with domestic discipline, it’s an energy that doesn’t seem troubled by the possibility, however remote, that my wife might spank another man.
So, if your wife had an opportunity to spank another man, what would you think and feel about that? What would she likely think and feel about it? If you would be open to it, is that consistent or inconsistent with the extent to which you see disciplinary spankings as being inherently sexual?
I hope you all have a great week.
At some point a while back, I put this hypothetical question to my wife to see if we were on the same page (we were). The two of us agree that we only want her to do adult disciplinary spankings on me. And yes, this is fully tied up with our view of spankings (disciplinary or otherwise) being inherently sexual.
ReplyDeleteThis is not to say I didn't talk about the subject with a select few. I mentioned my now-deceased military colleague with whom I had conversations about the subject. I would be open to something similar again and I talk about our spanking life here under my anonymity. Similarly, my wife has conversations with a few trusted women who are also into F/M DD spanking.
J
"Similarly, my wife has conversations with a few trusted women who are also into F/M DD spanking." I wish my wife had some women like that in her life. Unfortunately, there is no one in our current social set who puts off even a remotely FLR and/or DD vibe.
DeleteMy wife didn't have a good friend into DD. She was the ground-breaker in our social circle.
DeleteKOJ
Got it.
DeleteAm very pressed right now but wanted to make a quick comment -or maybe a question. I believe all spankings between my wife and me are sexual in nature. But does that make all adult spankings sexual including a purely disciplinary spanking administered by one woman accommodating the request of another ( VIZ Aunt Kay, for example ).
ReplyDeleteMy top-of-mind reaction is that not all spankings between adults are necessarily sexual and that would probably matter and influence how I felt about my wife spanking another man ( or woman for that matter). More later
Alan
Hi Alan,
DeleteThis is a great question you ask, about whether all adult spankings are sexual. I too would say that all spankings between my wife and I are sexual in nature, but at least part of that is that our overall relationship is sexual (among other things of course).
One point I tried to make in my post below is that whether something is sexual or not is tied heavily to circumstances, but even more than that to the people involved. And the answer can be entirely different even for different parties to a spanking. For example, had I been paddled during high school, after I had "discovered" my fetish/fantasy for spanking and all things related to the exchange of power, it might well have been sexual for me, or it might not have been, depending on the circumstances and the spanker. On the other hand, it hopefully wouldn't have been sexual to the one administering the spanking. While that is not "adult spanking" it still illustrates how different people can perceive the same event from vastly different points of view.
Also, like with everything else, there are many shades of gray. Trying to define something as non-sexual or sexual is kind of a fool's cause, because what one person considers as sexual another one may not, and what one considers as entirely non-sexual (like feet perhaps) might be the very epitome of sexual for another. The internet has made clear what a broad range of things are considered sexual by at least some. And even where someone does think something is sexual, the real question is probably just HOW sexual is it?
-ZM
While it wasn't top-of-mind when I came up with this topic, I may also, in the back of my mind, been thinking about an assertion Jillian Keenan made in a recent video on her YouTube channel, namely that *all* spankings are *always* sexual to one or more of the participants. She made the assertion in the context of arguing against spanking children. I strongly disagree with her assertion, in part because of something like ZM's point, that such an assertion inherently requires you to try to crawl into someone else's head and take a position on what that other person thinks or feels.
DeleteActually the "all spankings are always sexual to one or more of the participants" is quite illogical, unless you make the case that 100% of the time it is sexual to the spanker or 100% of the time it is sexual to the one being spanked, without exception. Otherwise, if sometimes - but not every time - it is sexual to the spanker, and some of the time (or even almost all the time) it is sexual to the one being spanked, then logically it follows that at least sometimes, it is not sexual to either one.
DeleteAnecdotally, I knew that I had a thing for spanking before we had kids, so I simply didn't spank them and left that up to my ex-wife. And my ex-wife detested spanking and thought it was actually repulsive. So the few times she spanked my kids, I am pretty certain it was in no way sexual to her.
-ZM
-ZM
Hi Dan,
ReplyDeleteLike Alan, I don't have much time for a well thought out response right now, but I do think it is a great subject so wanted to weigh in early. And I do clearly see the tie-in to what we were talking about, because one's views on the inherent sexuality (or lack thereof) in spanking are likely to inform views on your wife spanking another man.
I will take a quick stab at the first question: "So, if your wife had an opportunity to spank another man, what would you think and feel about that?" - I would say it would greatly depend. Of course, I would feel threatened somewhat if it was just some guy that she knew but without there being any other connection. On the other hand, I would feel much less threatened if it were one of her friend's husbands, and she was doing it with the knowledge of her friend or at the friend's request, and I would feel that much less threatened if her friend were also present. And honestly, I would feel a little jealous too, because nothing like this has ever happened to me (someone else spanking me).
I do think that most spanking is sexual, but not all. Or perhaps even in the less sexual cases, there might still be sexual overtones, even if it is not overtly sexual. For example, it may not be all that sexual if someone made a bet and the winner got to paddle the loser's clothed bottom 20 times or something like that. Also, it is important to keep in mind that how sexual something is can vary widely between the different parties involved.
I need to think more about this whole topic. I have thought extensively about witnesses - which is certainly obvious to anyone who comes here with any regularity - and by extension even having witnesses involved in spanking me, or for that matter having my wife send me to one of her friends for discipline, but I have mostly thought of how it would feel from my perspective, and of course I am always the one being spanked in my thoughts. When I have thought of the witnesses or even active spankers, I always imagined the same basic scenario where it is one or more of my wife's single friends and with my wife arranging the whole thing. That at least simplifies the things quite a bit. And I have generally thought that they might think it is very sexual or not very sexual at all, but probably more than anything else quite funny. But of course, I simply don't know.
As the week progresses, I will contribute more.
-ZM
"[B]ut I have mostly thought of how it would feel from my perspective, and of course I am always the one being spanked in my thoughts"
DeleteThis is why I thought this might be a somewhat interesting topic, even if it's a little narrow. It does come at the issue of "others knowing or participating," but from a different and almost opposite perspective than the ones we usually engage on.
I wouldn't agree that spanking children is sexual. I think that sort of spanking is disciplinary and represent frustration on the part of the parent. I think adult spankings are almost all (leaving room for the rare exception) sexual. Here are my reasons:
Delete1. They are consensual. This is a big deal. I know, the consent is sometimes rationalized as a sincere desire to improve. Consider whether you would consent to being locked in a dark basement for the weekend as a punishment. It would be severe enough to provide deterrence, but it's unlikely any of us would agree. I picked that because to those of us who easily accept the idea of spanking and other traditional punishments, would stop when confronted with something much more punitive, but no more dangerous.
2. Almost (if not all) non-religious DD is initiated by the person who is to be spanked. These requests are invariably rooted in sexual spanking fantasies. Mine are.
3. Be honest. Doesn't the thought of your wife having power over you, turn you on?
On the subject of being spanked by others: When I was active in the NYC BDSM community, other women spanked me very often. I spanked them too. It was hot being paddled by someone other than my partner. Dan, don't go nuts, but I believe the entire DWC concept is a sexual one. If they ever happened, Aunt Kay's spanking parties were no different than the BDSM spanking events I attended. Like you, much of the sexual fuel that got me to ask for disciplinary spankings came from the very hot DWC material. I'm not putting it down. I loved it.
My current DD is pretty similar to some of the stuff I read on that site. Even though my initial motivation was sexual (still is), the actual discipline is very real and I genuinely hate the spankings. Having said that, I can get aroused thinking about them later. Spanking can be both sexual and disciplinary at the same time.
"I wouldn't agree that spanking children is sexual. I think that sort of spanking is disciplinary and represent frustration on the part of the parent." I think that's probably true. There also are parents who genuinely believe it will result in a positive behavioral change in the short or long run. Now, one obviously can come up with all sorts of objections to either of those motives, but I'm not going to pretend I can get into the minds of all those parents and second guess their professed motives, particularly when doing so is incredibly likely to involve little more than me projecting my own thoughts and feelings into it. I have a ton of respect for Jillian Keenan being "out" as a spanking fetishist, but I also have a very healthy skepticism about someone who *is* a spanking fetishist determining without any real evidence that every parental-child spanking is sexual, given that someone with a fetish is, almost by definition, outside the norm in their own feelings about an object or an activity. It's hard to think of a situation that is more likely to involve classic psychological projection and that also is highly likely to be wrong.
DeleteI don't personally see the fact that its consensual as being very compelling. I do think some are very much motivated by a genuine desire to improve or be held accountable, and while that may coincide with a spanking kink, it doesn't negate the accountability/penance/improvement motivation or suggest the person is just "rationalizing." I have, in fact, suggested to Anne multiple times that she should employ non-spanking punishments, particularly in areas where spanking just doesn't seem to be bringing about a real change. It's true that some people *might* be rationalizing, but it's also true that the people accusing them of rationalizing might, in fact, be projecting.
"These requests are invariably rooted in sexual spanking fantasies. Mine are." This kind of makes my prior point for me. You examine your own motivations, then say they "invariably" apply to others. I for one did *not* have spanking fantasies until coming across the DD concept, which combined *both* spanking *and* some element of actual accountability or discipline. Without the latter, the former really does pretty much nothing for me.
"Be honest. Doesn't the thought of your wife having power over you, turn you on?" Definitely, but that also emphasizes that the sexuality can be *separate* from the spanking. Because, as I said, if you remove the power and authority element, and remove the notion that the spanking is for some actual accountability/disciplinary purpose, spanking loses virtually all its attraction for me.
I think we agree in a sort of mirror-view way. Over the years, I've read many accounts of spanking and why people want it. I'm sure you have too. The theme many seem to have maps to my feelings (and, yes that may color my view). They say that the sexual aspect of thinking about being spanked brings the man willingly over her knee. The sexual feelings disappear quickly once the spanking starts. When we first began DD, I would have an erection when I approached my wife for a spanking. It would disappear after a minute or so once she started.
DeleteApparently, this sexual lure is fairly common. The DWC site promotes the sexualization of spanking. I'm a lot like you, Dan, when it came to why I wanted to be spanked. Even though I had been in the BDSM scene for years, getting spanked (when I bottomed) was not my favorite activity. I actively disliked it.
When the idea of being spanked as punishment came along, I was turned on by the surrender of power to my partner. The stricter she becomes, the more I am mentally turned on by DD, though I never have an erection at spanking time anymore.
For me, the combination of spanking and enforcing behavioral change is compelling. I definitely feel a sexual component, but it isn't the big reason I want DD. Being held to rules is a huge mental turn on. I think it also helps my libido, just not at the time I'm being punished.
I suppose on the inherently sexual question, there is the question of how people view other spankings, such as hazing spanking (hazing is not exactly uncommon in the armed forces).
ReplyDeleteJ
Hi J,
DeleteI had thought about exactly the same thing. Hazing is something that happens in fraternities, sororities, sports teams, some jobs, the military, and even fraternal service organizations. I think for something like this, it would depend a have amount on the people involved and their genders and somewhat on the circumstances and state of dress. For me, military hazing maybe wouldn't feel sexual (or maybe it would, who knows?) because I am assuming it is being done by other guys in a distinctly non-sexual environment. On the other hand, me being whacked by a female in most any situation would be at least sexual for me, while it may or may not be for her. And if I didn't have a thing for spanking, maybe it wouldn't be for me either.
-ZM
It occurs to me that an interesting aspect of comparing spanking to hazing in other forms is that while there are big differences in the specific hazing activities, the genders, and other circumstances, what all the situations entail is a consensual relationship involving an exercise of power or authority by people of a certain status vis-a-vis someone who, in the context of that relationship, is in a lower status. So, is hazing that involves spanking more sexualized than hazing that does not involve spanking?
DeleteI am no expert on hazing, though I have been somewhat fascinated with it over the years. From what I have seen and read, quite a few hazing activities have at least some elements that may be sexual at least for some participants (on either side of the equation).
Delete"...what all the situations entail is a consensual relationship involving an exercise of power or authority by people of a certain status vis-a-vis someone who, in the context of that relationship, is in a lower status." - Surprisingly this sounds a lot like what we refer to here as consensual non-consent at least for some of the ones being hazed. Probably some of the ones being hazed actually have a lot of fun with it, while for others it is not so much that they consent to hazing - "go ahead and humiliate me and abuse me for your enjoyment" - but rather they endure the whole ordeal including the things they really don't want to do for the sake of the relationship or connection that they want.
I hope others with more experience in this contribute to this, since I am curious to hear what they say.
-ZM
No problem, it has happened and I have no problem with it at all. We also went to spanking parties about twenty years ago and developed from there into DD as I’ve mentioned before, so the whole concept of being spanked by or in front of others - albeit not in a disciplinary situation - is not new to me. There have been occasions more recently when she’s spanked others - in some cases I’ve been present and in others, not. I have no problem with that at all. To me, the much more interesting question is how I - or another contributor here - might react if she had me disciplinarally spanked by someone else, either in her presence or not. This has kinda happened once, but I say kinda because it was more a play session than a real punishment and happened because her right shoulder and arm were post-surgery and pretty much unusable, so she called in some help. But how would I feel about being actually disciplined by someone else at her behest - whether in her presence or just being sent to someone, that to me is the more interesting question. And I don’t think I really have an answer. As to whether it’s sexual or not - it is, but properly applied discipline transcends that. TG
ReplyDelete"But how would I feel about being actually disciplined by someone else at her behest - whether in her presence or just being sent to someone, that to me is the more interesting question." I agree that to me, and probably to others, this angle seems more interesting, but to some extent that's because we tend to talk here about our own reactions to spankings we ourselves receive. I purposefully chose this one precisely because it is coming at the scenarios we talk about from a very different angle.
DeleteI responded here once, but it apparently got caught up in spam, so if it doesn't show up in a day or two I will try to remember what I wrote!
Delete-ZM
The spam filter seems to like you again. It's also doing really dumb things again, like flagging comments as spam weeks after they've already been published and responded to. It makes no sense at all.
DeleteWell, I guess my original message was forever lost in cyberspace, or perhaps I closed the window before sending it, so here is a poor attempt at recreating it.
Delete"To me, the much more interesting question is how I - or another contributor here - might react if she had me disciplinarily spanked by someone else, either in her presence or not." - I agree that for me personally this is a much more interesting question, though the question for this week was an interesting angle that I hadn't thought much about before. In short, I don't know how I might react if she had me disciplinarily spanked by someone else, because it hasn't happened.
I think that the "in her presence" would change the dynamic quite a bit. I simply can't imagine the feelings I would have knocking on someone's door if my wife had sent me to them for a spanking, or for that matter opening my door if they came to me. I would be nervous on so many levels, including how hard or long they might spank me and how I might react. I think the nervousness would pretty well overshadow any sexual charge I got from the whole thing.
On the other hand, if my wife were present, I would not be all that concerned about how hard or long the spanking would be, since my wife would probably be pretty much in control of that. I would still be nervous about how I might take it. Somehow, having at least 2 people there makes me feel like it would be more amusing for them (and less businesslike) and probably more humiliating, because they would feed on each other. Overall, I kind of think that it would be more sexually arousing for me, at least when I thought of it either before or after the event.
-ZM
I just checked the spam filter and nothing from you is in there.
DeleteI tend to to think that the "in her presence" aspect might lessen some of the nervousness and anxiety for me, as her presence would be a familiar element that would be absent if you were simply sent to another woman's house for a spanking. Though, I also wonder how having two women there together might affect the severity or length of a spanking. I could see a dynamic in which the spanker tried to sort of "show off" for the other woman by giving a particularly rigorous spanking. Though, I guess it could go in the opposite direction as well if she were worried about coming off as *too* hard.
I could see the “showing off” thing a lot more if it were my wife doing the spanking and one of her friends watching. Also I could see the witness encouraging my wife on, or my wife asking her if she thought I had had enough and her answering “give him another round” or something like that.
DeleteFor some reason, I assume if another woman were to spank me in front of my wife, she would be very inexperienced at this. Also she may be reluctant to spank me too hard in front of my wife.
On the other hand, if my wife sent me to someone to spank me (or had them come when I was alone) I envision her as an experienced spanker, so probably much less trepidatious. I have no real basis for that assumption, however.
-ZM
Not for me. I have indicated previously that despite the intensity and positively I get from my occasional trips to disciplarians those experiences are in no way arousing (as evidence by my penis) whilst the softer vanilla contributions from Mrs GLM are (even if that doesn't lead anywhere). Therefore, despite any hypocrisy I may suffer from here with my clandestine visits to disciplarians, I feel it entirely right and consistent mine is the only bottom on the end of Mrs GLM's right hand. Cheers GLM.
ReplyDeleteJust to clarify, I wouldn't want to be spanked by anyone else that isn't a professional or amateur arrangement different to what Mrs GLM supplies. I am sure in my head having a willing female neighbour or a female friend without benefits would sound wonderful for 5 minutes but any hint of sexual excitement would send me running. I may be too emotionally complex to look at this question with full clarity. Cheers GLM.
DeleteIt does sound like your feelings about it are very complex.
DeleteFor us, spanking was a part of our marriage. I don't think either of us was open to spanking outside marriage. The relationship needed to have commitment and intimacy.
ReplyDeleteMy mother, who was quite the spanker, once punished me and my best friend together, with his parents' approval. So I have witnessed my disciplinarian punishing another male. But it was nonconsensual and nonadult so really doesn't apply here. Though I will say that my friend had something of a schoolboy crush on my mother, both before and after.
KOJ
"My mother, who was quite the spanker, once punished me and my best friend together, with his parents' approval. So I have witnessed my disciplinarian punishing another male."
DeleteThis happened all the time where I grew up, except there no one would have bothered to seek approval from the other's parents. It was just kind of assumed that anyone could spank another's kid any time.
One or two quick hand swats over fully clothed bottoms happened a lot from other adults. But a "proper" spanking like my best friend got, OTK with an implement partially clothed, was rare.
DeleteKOJ
Because adult, consensual spanking is always sexual to me, having my wife or G/F spanking another man would be similar to her having sex with another man. In my earlier days I had all kinds of sex with many women, except the kind I really wanted, which was F/M spanking. I never met a woman that wanted that kind of lifestyle until turning 70. These days, the idea of having sex or spanking with other folks is not appealing to either of us. Before I met my current lady friend, I attended a spanking party in Las Vegas, put on by Shadow Lane. They aren't doing it, but it is still happening. It was amazing to be around hundreds of other spankos, including many couples, and some of the wives spanked other men, me being one of them. That was a great introduction into the spanking world, but ultimately, I realized my fundamental desire was to be in a real DD relationship. Her authority was the main ingredient, and spanking naturally came out of that. Now, the closest thing to involving others would be having a female witness, or a lady friend simply just knowing about our DD. However, none of our friends seem remotely interested. At this stage of life, most are no longer have any sex at all, let alone kinky sex. We both feel very lucky. Better late than never.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about spanking parties like those Shadow Lane puts on when writing this topic. I haven't attended one, so it's hard to know how I would react. I'm not sure, however, that it would do much for me because, as you allude to, it wouldn't involve any real assertion of authority, and it wouldn't really be about discipline.
DeleteI also have little interest in spanking parties because absent the real authority and real infractions resulting in real punishments, it seems more like play. Probably for that reason (that it seems more like play), I wouldn't care at all if my wife spanked someone during some group thing like that.
Delete-ZM
I agree with the Anonymous poster above and I would have no problem with my life partner spanking others. We frequently attend spanking parties and visit dungeons where she spanks many other men, and I am spanked by many other women. Now for exclusive disciplinary spankings, it does not occur often but has happened. One of our spanking party groups have built this into the group rules. Any female can bring her partner/husband to the group for a discipline spanking. He is stripped and placed into position while his wife/partner explains his offenses. All the other women in the group administer the discipline spanking. She certainly has participated in this. Fortunately, I have never been the victim in this situation. Some of my former dominants have brought me to other women for discipline and vice versa. If it were to come about today, where another woman would bring her hubby to my partner for discipline, and if she agreed to do it, I would have no issue with her spanking him, whether I was present or not.
ReplyDelete"Any female can bring her partner/husband to the group for a discipline spanking. He is stripped and placed into position while his wife/partner explains his offenses."
DeleteThat's an interesting and, frankly, intimidating scenario. It also illustrates how much authentic discipline and punishment is core to my own motivations. Thinking about attending a spanking party, regardless of size, doesn't do much for me, because it doesn't really have anything to do with accountability, penance, etc. But, in the scenario you describe, there apparently has been an actual offense and the offender is there to be punished for that offense. That one element totally changes my emotional reaction.
I agree that this scenario is much more compelling that what I visualized for a spanking party. And also it would be very intimidating and shaming, especially because the people doing the spanking know what you are being spanked for. It kind of reminds me of the old practice of putting people in stocks or pillary in the square for a while with their crime written above their head
Delete-ZM
Dan, Most often these spanking parties were not discipline oriented. The above scenario has played out occasionally and it was very effective for the victim.
DeleteBad_boy_G_punished _by_Z. The added humiliation and shame were key ingredients when the FemDom group put this practice in place. It is much like the public discipline you describe. I have been the guilty party in another group and was the target. Believe me I know the feeling.
DeleteI got threatened in front of others, and that was shaming enough. Couldn't imagine the totally public discipline, even among a group of spankos.
DeleteShe would say things like, "If I hear one more swear word come out of your mouth, I will take you right home and deal with you and you will be sorry." Sometimes she would say quietly, but not so quiet that others couldn't possibly hear, "My brush is in my bag!" She wouldn't mention spanking, but it was pretty darn obvious.
KOJ
For men who have no problem with their wives spanking other men, I wonder if they have thought where the line might be where they would no longer be confortable. What if the man had an erection? What if he accidentally ejaculated while over your wife's knee? What if she thought he should have the added pain of a post-orgasmic spanking? Etc. Is there a line for you? Or is it anything goes? I personally would not be ok with any of it.
ReplyDeleteKOJ
"What if the man had an erection?" I actually thought about that when writing this post. For me, I don't think it would effect my reaction one way or another, probably because whatever jealousy I might feel about the situation probably wouldn't be about his reaction. I have a somewhat similar reaction to infidelity in general - I've never understood blaming the person who *isn't* in the relationship for the fact that your partners strayed. I'm always surprised at women who are cheated on and who put the most blame on the person who is *not* their spouse and doesn't who doesn't owe them any kind of loyalty.
DeleteMaybe we want to believe that our spouse was reluctantly seduced by an evil ogre.
DeleteKOJ
Could be.
DeleteOf course there would be a line, but I think it would be quite situational. For example, if my wife were an actress, I would be ok with her kissing a man as part of a scene, but I would be probably very uncomfortable with even a simulated sex scene, where there is no actual nudity but only bodysuits, etc. On the other hand, I wouldn't feel bad about her modeling nude for an art class.
Delete"What if the man had an erection?" - I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case, but my wife spanks pretty hard so I think that would be short lived when the spanking started. Plus, it is almost certain that the man would be wearing his underwear or at least have his genitals covered somehow, or I am sure my wife wouldn't go for it. And even if she did somehow see his erection, it is nothing she hasn't seen before. I would also expect it would make the man quite embarrassed, ironically making it that much less sexual.
"What if he accidentally ejaculated while over your wife's knee?" - Again, extremely unlikely, because OTK is more intimate, so my wife would never choose that.
"What if she thought he should have the added pain of a post-orgasmic spanking?" - considering that she has only done that to me once, again I consider it unlikely. But I guess if she did, he could go in the bathroom or something to do that bit of business.
In the end, I trust my wife and her love for me completely. She could have an affair tomorrow if she wanted to; she is beautiful, smart, fun, dresses well, and so on. I guess one way to approach life is to try to make sure that opportunities for infidelity never arise, but I much prefer to trust her character and her love for me and know that she won't cheat on me regardless of the situation.
-ZM
I didn't want my wife to have any kind of sex act with anyone other than me.
DeleteKOJ
I may be a little out of step with y here
DeleteI may be a little out of step with many here but no, I don’t see a line. If (when) my wife spanks someone else, she is in control and sets the parameters. I have no problem with anything she’s comfortable with. TG
DeleteIf (when) my wife spanks someone else, she is in control and sets the parameters. I have no problem with anything she’s comfortable with." Thanks, TG. I *think* I would feel the same way though, again, it's one of those situations in which I'm not sure I can easily predict my reaction in advance.
DeleteI actually had what I can only call “something like her spanking another man” many years ago --and my reaction to it, even after many years still puzzles me. While we were still dating and not married and in the early stages of DD (she was giving me disciplinary spankings but much of the rest of a female-led relationship was still developing).
ReplyDeleteMy wife-to-be had experimentally spanked a couple of boyfriends before we met while she was discovering what side of the paddle, she wanted to be on after finding out in her first marriage she didn’t really like to be spanked. So one night we were socializing with some of her old friends (and drinking more than some wine). The last old friend that remained after the others had left was one of the former boyfriends that she had spanked but now considered to be a friend ( and they are still in contact today) As the wine continued to flow he started talking about his fetishes and experiences with them ( spanking was only one of them and probably not the main one). At some point, my wife told me she thought he needed a spanking and she repeated that a couple of more times to me while we kept talking.
Finally, she asked him if he needed a spanking and he a little sheepishly and non-committedly said he did. She just got up ( We were on her deck mid-summer as I remember) and said to him “ let go”, while telling me she was going to spank him and I could come along if I wanted. Inside and into her living room, I expected to see her put him over her lap if she was actually going to do it I was probably pretty buzzed by this time but I remember thinking she isn’t actually going to spank him because at that time she kept her hairbrush and paddle at my apartment and probably didn’t have anything in the house to spank him with, But before I completely comprehended what was going on, she had spread some cushions on the floor, ordered him to lie down on his stomach and pulled his pants and underpants off so fast I don’t remember actually seeing it happen. What I do remember was seeing him obediently lying there while she knelt down and began a fairly hard hand spanking.
(This is where my reaction to it still puzzles me. I have always had a vague fantasy of being spanked together with another guy either by the same disciplinarian or lately the fantasy has morphed into one where each wife administers discipline to her husband while the other one must watch.) So here was the closest I had ever come to that ( and still today the closest to it).
But what I did instead was to feel embarrassed FOR him, feel like I was intruding on a private moment, and quickly left and went back to the deck. Later she told me she gave him a fairly brisk but short hand spanking and left him in the living room until he was ready to come back outside. I don’t remember much after that and I don’t think we ever talked about it. But my chief emotion throughout the whole thing was an embarrassment for him having his pants pulled down like that and then not wanting to see him spanked, the opposite of my fantasy about such a scenario. But I do remember not feeling threatened or any jealously toward it. It seemed like she had just done a job that needed to be done and if anything I felt some pride how she handled it
Even with that experience, I am not ready yet to answer Dan’s question this week. But I think my wife’s sexual excitement or lack of is probably the key to how I would feel. If she experienced sexual excitement for spanking another guy –even in the kind of arrangement that apparently Aunt Kay developed, I would be very troubled by it . But if the sexual excitement is all on his side, that would matter
Alan
"But my chief emotion throughout the whole thing was an embarrassment for him having his pants pulled down like that and then not wanting to see him spanked, the opposite of my fantasy about such a scenario."
DeleteWithout being confronted with it, it's impossible for me to know how I would actually react, but I suspect my reaction would have been similar to yours. I tend to react really negatively to other people being embarrassed or humiliated. Even fake people -- I will sometimes fast forward past scenes in a movie that I know involve a sympathetic character being embarrassed, humiliated, or bullied. I suspect that's how I would have felt in the situation you describe.
I also suspect I would feel something like the hint of pride in her that you felt. Maybe pride isn't quite the right word, though. I think it would honestly turn me on seeing her take control over someone like that. And, I'm not sure that would change if I knew she felt excitement at spanking the other guy. In fact, for me part of the attraction to a power exchange is knowing that she gets off on exercising power. Though, as I said in the post, my proclivity toward jealousy in general is way lower than Anne's, and it may be that I just don't get as jealous generally as most men and most spouses do.
I remember feeling embarrassed for my best friend even though he got to keep his underpants up while mine were taken down by my mom. We both were spanked to tears in front of each other. We were 10 or 11, pre-puberty. Afterwards, we showed each other our red butts. It deepened our friendship to have been spanked together.
DeleteKOJ
It is hard to know without actually having it happen, but I wouldn't be surprised if I too hated to see the guy be embarrassed, but that is mostly how I am wired. I think in any witness scenario, the personality of the witness is huge. I kind of imagine just what it would be like to have a witness who laughs at your plight and makes smart remarks about how you are getting what you deserve, and so on.
DeleteI don't think it would bother me if I thought it turned my wife on to exercise power in this way. I would probably think "let her enjoy her thrill!"
But all this is just what I think right now, outside the situation.
-ZM
"I think in any witness scenario, the personality of the witness is huge." For sure.
DeleteFunny, when I was spanked with my best friend, I didn't consider us to be witnesses of each other's punishment but rather joint recipients -- spanked together, commiserate together.
DeleteKOJ
KOJ, I'm sure that's how I would have viewed it, too. I don't recall actually getting one with another kid. I do very distinctly recall an uncle who intended to spank me and one of my cousins for something, but we successfully delayed and then it never happened. Not that different from how I manage to delay certain well-deserved spankings today!
DeleteI would allow my wife to spank other man. How her it's not much sexual. On tbe other hand I'm sure she would not allow me to spank other lady. If I spank her I always get aroused. I also think she would not allow other women to spank me.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure mine wouldn't either.
DeleteNo. Not for us.
ReplyDeleteUnderstood.
DeleteMy husband is the best-looking man in our social circle. I know many of my friends have the hots for him, and I bet if he offered to spank any one of them her panties would come off fast as lightning. I wouldn't care as long as he was spanking me first and best.
ReplyDeleteCynthia Ellen
Thanks, CE. While we have few others here to respond, I doubt most women would feel the same.
DeleteI am not talking about sex, though. Just spanking. I know that's sexual but not the same as actually having sex. He's a one-pussy man.
DeleteCunthia Ellen
Koj and I have similar experiences. I was spanked by our friends parents without a phone call to my Mother. One day, my friend and I were in trouble for something we did. We were called in and paddled by his Mom. Similar situation, he was bare and I kept my underwear on. We were both crying by the time that paddling was over. I was also spanked by another friends Mom who watched us throughout the summer. Her daughter and I received the wooden spoon at the same time. I was given probably twenty or thirty rapid swats. She went upstairs and spanked her daughter bare for quite sometime. I didn’t witness her spanking, but heard every bit of it. We were then placed in the corner for both of us to ponder our actions. On this weeks topic, I do believe that adult spankings are sexual in nature and would never want my wife to spank anyone but me. She would never have a desire to spank another man. I know she feels there is an intimacy surrounding a bare bottom spanking. Also, our friends are very vanilla. We prefer to keep our DD private and between us. I have no desire to go to a spanking party. I’m like you Dan, it would have zero impact on me, due to the punishment factor not being there. My wife and I have a great sex life, compared to our friends. We were
ReplyDeleteKinkier when we were younger. Spanking was play and we developed it into DD later on.
T
Our journey was kind of the opposite. We were more vanilla when younger, then got kinkier in our 30s and 40s. Though, it does seem to have leveled off. Probably need to do something about that in 2023.
DeleteGreat topic and related to "witness" spankings as many have noted. I would not be bothered at all by my wife spanking another man (or woman) under certain, controlled circumstances. The best example (again, noted above) is a spanking party. We've only attended two, but they were fun.
ReplyDeleteAs for the sexuality, yes, they could be very stimulating. But the sexual energy was always directed at each other, not the third party. After blistering a couple butts, my wife couldn't wait to get me back to our room for a very intense romp in the bed.
Something else we noted at the parties: just the cacophony of spankings from next door or echoing down the hall were highly stimulating. We couldn't keep our hands off each other the whole time.
Finally, I think a setting such as at Aunt Kay (which we never attended) would be another example where I would not be at all bothered by her spanking another man. They way those scenarios are described, they are not particularly sexual.
Graham
Thanks, Graham.
Delete"Something else we noted at the parties: just the cacophony of spankings from next door or echoing down the hall were highly stimulating. We couldn't keep our hands off each other the whole time."
While I don't think attending a spanking party would do much for me, as others have pointed out regarding this topic, it's really impossible to predict until you're in the moment. I've seen it go the other way too, with other forms of kink. I knew a guy who pushed his wife to have a threesome, convinced it would be a turn-on. After it happened, he couldn't get the negative emotions of seeing his wife getting pounded by another guy out of his head. They ended up divorcing over it. I think with deep-seated emotions like jealousy, it's very hard to predict in advance how you're going to react to something.
I agree about jealousy. To me, the more sexual that spanking is thought to be, the less it should happen outside marriage.
DeleteKOJ
Yeah I’m w u Koj, spanking is sexual and outside of our marriage is no no. I wouldn’t want my wife spanking another man. Even in a party setting, there is a degree of intimacy surrounding it. My wife would never attend a party anyway, I might just be to old fashioned or maybe it goes back to childhood. Spankings were generally a private affair. I believe they should be that way between us.
DeleteT
Thanks, T. I very much doubt mine would attend a party either, though honestly I don't have any compelling desire to do so myself. Not because I necessarily see spankings as inherently private affairs. Rather, I just get much of an emotional reaction thinking about attending one. Just doesn't seem like my scene. Of course, I'm pretty introverted and tend to be emotionally resistant to attending *any* party . . .
DeleteI am no prude and I would be very interested in attending a gathering of like-minded spankos for conversation and socializing -- but all of this without anyone taking their clothes off or expected to do so. I can see how the party scene might appeal to singles looking for a partner -or even just looking for some fun. But beyond that; NO thanks!
DeleteAlan
Alan, I'm not quite as definitive a "no" as you, but my position is close to yours. I don't have any real aversion to a spanking party, but I also don't have any attraction to it. The idea just doesn't do much of anything for me. But, like you I would be very open to hanging out socially with people who have this particular interest.
DeleteHello Dan. This is Dev. JRs wife I read your posts from time to time. This is somewhat similar only another woman was involved. Marybeth is our daughters best friend and we consider her to be a daughter to us too. She and I are particularly close. She was over a few years ago and we were talking. She was going through an emotional time and said she felt like she needed a good old fashioned spanking. We talked a while longer and asked me if I would do it ? I felt a bit awkward but agreed. We wanted privacy so I sent him to Walmart to pick up my meds. I approached this in the same manner I do with him. I gave her a firm bare bottom over my knee paddling. She cried but said she felt better and relieved after. DR.
ReplyDeleteHi Dev. Thanks for dropping in. You're obviously very welcome to join the discussion any time.
DeleteI almost expressly expanded this topic to spanking other women, but neglected to at the last minute. Thanks for expanding it with your comment. I definitely get how someone going through an emotional time might feel that need, particularly if any part of the "emotional time" was related to personal behavior issues that she wanted to control or be held accountable for. It's great that she felt comfortable enough with you to ask and that you were willing to do it.
One thing that got me thinking about the topic in the first place was someone I know who was in a DD relationship but lost his wife to an illness and who i know sometimes screws up and feels a strong need for accountability. It would be a great thing for him if he had someone who would spank him to meet that need, and I have no doubt in his case that the sexual component of the need in that context would be mild or non-existent. I think that if you've been held accountable or had boundaries enforced via spanking in the past, and you lose or grow out of that outlet, it has to be hard wanting it but not having any practical ability to get it.
Thanks again for dropping in.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAs we are about halfway through the week, I saw that the range of answers is pretty much what I would have expected, though all the answers just sort of blur together, so I summarized all so far (hopefully correctly) in terms of who made the comment, whether they think spanking is sexual, and whether they would be OK with their wife (or spouse) spanking someone else.
ReplyDeleteJ---------Inherently sexual, though not sure about hazing or other?----Not OK
Alan ----Their spankings are sexual, others not necessarily -------------OK unless aroused
Caged--Most all adult spankings are sexual----------------------------------No answer
TG-------Sexual, but properly applied discipline transcends that---------OK
ZM-------Most adult spankings sexual, but not necessarily all------------OK
GLM-----Theirs are sexual, spankings from pros not at all-----------------Not OK
KOJ------All spanking is sexual, though it is not a kink for him?-----------Not OK
Norton---Spanking is the same as having sex with another----------------Not OK
SC--------No answer on sexuality of spanking----------------------------------OK
YMM------Not sexual for her, sexual for him-------------------------------------OK
JR---------No answer on sexuality of spanking---------------------------------Not OK
CE---------Spanking is sexual, but less than having sex---------------------OK
T------------Sexual-----------------------------------------------------------------------Not OK
Graham---Sexual, but energy directed into relationship----------------------OK
Dev---------No answer (but F/F story didn’t seem sexual)-------------------She did it
Conclusions so far:
Most think that either all adult spankings are sexual or at least most adult spankings are sexual. While those who said they wouldn’t be OK with their wives spanking anyone else pretty much all said “because spanking is sexual,” most of those who said they were OK with the thought of their wives spanking someone else ALSO think most adult spanking is consensual.
Questions I hope more people chime in on:
- What about hazing (in any setting)? Does anyone have experiences? Was it sexual?
- If there are situations where a spanking can be non-sexual, what might those be?
- What role does consent play in spankings being sexual?
-ZM
It's interesting, but you derived more definitive answers from some folks' responses than I did. I thought you and Alan were kind of on the fence and wanted to think about it more.
DeleteFor me, I do think most (but not all) adult spankings probably have some sexual/erotic energy associated with them, but I'm also not going to second guess or accuse those who deny theirs do of rationalization or being in denial.
A nuance I'll add to mine is, I'm pretty sure I would be OK with it, and I'm also pretty sure that her exercise of power in doing it not only would be OK but likely would turn me on.
- On hazing, while I was in a fraternity and there was hazing, I was a founder of our chapter and, hence, I wasn't really subject to it. Also, while I think Animal House is one of the funniest movies ever made and my fraternity certainly tried to emulate it in terms of alcohol consumption, physical hazing including paddling wasn't a part of it. I could be wrong, but I think that was a tradition that had fallen mostly by the wayside by the time I was in college.
- Dev provided a concrete example of one scenario that seems to have been non-sexual. Also, while it doesn't happen in the US anymore (as far as I know), there are other countries that still use corporal punishment in their judicial systems; Singapore probably being the most well-known example.
- For me, the more a spanking, or really any display of power, feels non-consensual, the more sexual the vibe. That's not necessarily true in the moment, but certainly before and in retrospect.
ZM wrote:
Delete1. “What about hazing (in any setting)? Does anyone have experiences? Was it sexual?
2. - If there are situations where a spanking can be non-sexual, what might those be?-
3. What role does consent play in spankings being sexual?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Hazing; I have had some experience ( fraternity) in fact in my frat, the sponsor brothers were given a hardwood paddle by the pledge. I did not find it sexy at all and I was profoundly juvenile. Ironically my first spanking with a hardwood paddle years later came from my former GF using her sorority paddle. That of course was very sexy although I was probably behaving pretty juvenal to get it
2. Ever had a Nonsexual spanking—The only one I know for sure is a spanking administered immediately after orgasm. There is nothing sexual about those- although there has been sexual activity pre-spanking. The other kind I think I have experienced is when your disciplinarian is scary angry and it all happens fast without time for any real erotic charge. But these ( there haven’t been many) are sexy to remember and in fact, are the spankings I am most likely to remember for a long time
3. Role of consent in making spankings more consensual – If I was spanking a woman, consent would be a sine qua non to it is also sexual. But paradoxically the more my wife reminds me this is happening on her authority regardless of whether I consent or not – the stronger the sexual charge. This goes back to our well-discussed notion of female authority rather than corporal punishment alone that drives the bus
I just realized I made a mistake while typing my post. I meant to say “ While those who said they wouldn’t be OK with their wives spanking anyone else pretty much all said ‘because spanking is sexual,’ most of those who said they were OK with the thought of their wives spanking someone else ALSO think most adult spanking is SEXUAL.” Before I typed consensual instead of sexual, which totally changes the meaning!
DeleteSpeaking of consensual, I too think the more non-consensual the more sexual it feels. However, both Caged and Norton specifically specified consensual spanking as being sexual.
Regarding gleaning more definitive answers, you are right. Alan specifically said in both of his messages that he wasn’t ready to answer that question yet. I took what he wrote as he would be ok but would be troubled if his wife was aroused by it, completely forgetting him saying he wasn’t ready to answer yet, so sorry for putting words in your mouth Alan!
-ZM
I caught that mistake but figured out what you meant.
DeleteZM, my buddy was in a fraternity and paddled and based on his story from years ago, it was not sexual. It was clothed and a ritual for all to go through. As far as non sexual spankings go, the only two scenarios for me would be visiting a disciplinarian and childhood spankings by the spankee. I visited a disciplinarian three or four times and there was not one ounce of sexuality in it for me anyway. I received a very sound spanking. It hurt to drive home.
ReplyDeleteI know that my Mother took no desire in giving a spanking, but I do believe that I know for a fact that other parents have. I grew up in a church setting and we of course would compare stories. One of our childhood acquaintances, received regular bare spanking from his Mom weekly. Looking back, I believe she had a strong spanking fetish and for her son it was unfortunate. She also gave me a ride home from school after detention and said if u were my son, I’d whip your bare bottom but good. She was actually scolding me on the way home.
I never forgot that statement from her. So was it sexual for her in a twisted way? Who knows. The final question is easy to answer for me anyway. I consensually agree to be bare bottom spanked by my wife when I’ve done something wrong. My wife has told me she has been turned on by giving me a spanking. I said even when your mad at me and she said yes. She does give a hard spanking and is working on going longer than it should end. At times, she does stop when she should keep going. I’m not turned on at the time because of the pain, but for me it’s sexual later when I think about how my wife put me in my place. The act of bending over naked for my wife is sexual even if we don’t have sex afterwards. My ego is also massive and I made a promise that I would never not bend over for a spanking. I’ve stayed true to my word.
T
T wrote “ “ As far as nonsexual spankings go, the only two scenarios for me would be visiting a disciplinarian and childhood spankings by the spankee
Delete------------------------------------------------------------------
I have never visited a professional disciplinarian but did consider it a few times and would have done so if my life had gone a different route. Overall I think the serious ones ( as opposed to those looking for a quick buck) perform a valuable service and too often get burned out too quickly.
But I am surprised your experience was nonsexual as I imagine a skilled pro would produce sexual arousal in me. If you care to would you elaborate a little on why you found them to be non sexual ( although you also found them to be effective as discipline
You also say childhood spanking would be nonsexual by the spankee (leaving room for the chance that a perverted adult was getting off on spanking a child) I suspect there are some (only a few I hope) adults who derive sexual pleasure from spanking a child. They are sexual abusers by any definition and belong in the same category as childhood molesters ( and the same jail)
But I am not sure a child may not have sexual feelings awakened by being spanked, This is one of many reasons most people today do not sanction the spanking of children. They are not developed enough to deal with sexual feelings provoked by an adult and it is inherently harmful to any child who has that experience.
Alan
Alan, you are correct in your assessment of why I don’t believe in spanking children. We decided early on to not spank and for the reasons above. My wife gave a few occasional swats with her hand but not what we considered a spanking. We both grew up with it and she despised the way her Mother spanked her. I had the opposite feeling and felt mine were well deserved. I look back though and believe that my fetish came from listening, observing, and receiving spankings growing up. I have nothing for anyone who harms a women or a child and they deserve to be locked away forever. As far as why I believe visiting a pro was non sexual, is as follows: Prior to meeting my wife, my ex had no desire to spank or punish me. I behind her back sought out a pro around four times in two years. She was great. We spoke at length on the phone about my desire for punishment due to my transgressions. I was nervous the first time and she put me at ease. She quickly went into the role of disciplinarian and gave me a sound thrashing that had me on the verge of tears. I never felt any arousal during this and was truly looking to feel
ReplyDeleteSorry for my actions. I wanted the spanking to end. I was aroused the next day thinking back on it but not at that moment. She unfortunately passed away. She was much older than me at the time and very maternal in her discipline. This is probably why I was not aroused either. I can say that I would still see her today if she was alive. She seemed to care about me and it wasn’t just a payday. Her scolding and discipline were quite extraordinary. With my wife, she has a bit of the disciplinarian in her. She knows how to scold and spank and is slowly fine tuning her skills. We exchanged new years cards and in hers was a get out of jail free card for screwing up. It states one use and to use it wisely. The second card was a get out of jail card but carried a scolding and severe spanking with no limit on it. It’s going to be a sore and promising year. I do know I screw up at least once every few months. I hope this answered your question. Sorry a bit long winded.
T
Hi T
DeleteThanks for your thoughts on the issues I raised. I do understand better why your experience with a pro was so successful, albeit the spanking itself brought no arousal. You are adding to the growing chorus of men who say the actual spanking itself is not sexual while anticipating it or remembering it often is.
For would-be disciplinarians puzzled by how spanking can be effective punishment or modify behavior when a fantasy about spanking is so sexual, this is a big part of the explanation: men are turned on by a woman exerting disciplinary authority and some are also turned on by remembering that and the consequent spawning, But men are not turned on by a real punishment spanking -as demonstrated by the loss of an erection as many have noted. I think savvy women who take on the role of disciplinarian come to realize what at first seems a paradox. But it is probably a good idea if men seeking discipline from their wife or SO help reach that point with good communication
Alan
Hi Alan,
DeleteI think your last paragraph was just gold! It aslo echos what Caged said up a bit as well, though he tied it into changing behavior as well. At least for many men, the spanking itself is not a turn on, but rather it is the exerted disciplinary authority that is the turn on. Ironically, however, the authority is most manifest when she does actually spank and spank hard at least sometimes. Even though the spanking itself is not really part of the turn-on, the spanking - or the credible threat of it - is what makes the authority real. And the fact that spanking is in at least some way sexual is what makes her exercising control in this way sexual, compared to her nagging or something like that.
-ZM
"Even though the spanking itself is not really part of the turn-on, the spanking - or the credible threat of it - is what makes the authority real." This!
DeleteThe act of spanking is not sexual to me the thought of it happening to me is. My wife would never spank another man but that being said I would not have an issue with it if it was at the request of the man's wife and with hers and his consent. For the same reason we comment here. I misery likes company. If another wife spanked her husband in front of my wife and I it would not be an issue for me just someone to comserat with. I don't know what I might think about it later would it be a turn on. I don't know because it will never happen
ReplyDeleteWard
I very much doubt it will happen for me either.
DeleteI didn't get aroused at the idea of my wife exerting her authority. I would feel regretful about the behavior that triggered her, and I would feel embarrassed about the scolding and the punIshment to come.
ReplyDeleteWhere the arousal happened for me is that my wife was clearly aroused by exerting her authority -- and this in turn aroused me! She did not act on her arousal immediately because we were determined to keep spanking and sex separate. But I could see the flush on her face. After I pulled myself together, returning from the place of abject surrender where she often took me with the spanking, we would frequently snuggle on the couch in front of the TV, and ir wasn't unusual for one thing to turn into another, usually with me as the initiator and her as the very ready recipient.
KOJ
KOJ wrote: Where the arousal happened for me is that my wife was clearly aroused by exerting her authority -- and this in turn aroused me!”
DeleteWhile the overt exercise of my wife’s authority delivers a large surge of sexual feeling to me (usually) at the onset of a disciplinary encounter, I also experience what you describe, i.e. rising excitement from her excitement. I don’t know how common this might be, but for me. it has been present from the earliest time I observed her becoming sexually aroused from disciplining me.
I am not sure my former GF (who also introduced me to domestic discipline) ever really got excited in the moment. I did ask her about that and she told me she had a kind of delayed reaction. So, she might spank me tonight but begin to feel sexually stimulated by it a day or two later. According to what I remember, it was me submitting to her that turned her on thinking about it a day or so later. I did notice with her a definite correlation between spanking me and increased interest in intimacy.
My wife does get excited at the moment, but it was probably at least a year before I noticed that. But it immediately turned up the sexual charge for me, just knowing she was excited and gratified by the experience. I will add that my reaction to her during discipline is not very different from back in my bad old days of vanilla sex. I remember resonating strongly with the growing excitement of my partner.
It is one of the wonderful things about both sex and discipline that the more one partner gets out of it, ultimately the more the other partner does as well
Alan
I'm not really sure if my wife gets excited in the moment or not. I am usually too focused on myself when this happens. I know that she finds the exercise of authority kind of a rush at the time, but I am not sure if it is necessarily her being sexually excited or not. I also know that in general she does get turned on by the whole arrangement. I also don't know about whether her spanking me results in more sexual activity, since we are already about as active as is possible, but I do notice an increase in intimacy surrounding these times. I will have to ask her more about how she feels in the moment.
Delete"It is one of the wonderful things about both sex and discipline that the more one partner gets out of it, ultimately the more the other partner does as well." - Exactly right, and I believe it extends to most all other sex-related things in a marriage and quite a few tame everyday things as well.
-ZM
Anne has always said that she gets excited by the whole "before" thing -- she says it excites her to tell me to get ready for a spanking, take position, get over her knee, etc. She's never said she gets excited by the spanking itself. I do think that she gets turned on or some kind of charge out of the "whole arrangement" as ZM put it
Delete