Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club. Our (mostly) weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.
I hope your post-Christmas, pre-New Years week has been restful or, if not, at least enjoyable. It’s still pretty damn cold here.
If people were at home and did have extra time on their hands, they apparently weren’t using it to respond to Alan’s suggestion for a Q&A session regarding DD and FLR best practices. We didn’t get a lot of questions, but thank you to those who did participate. If more drift in, I will post a new comment to start a new thread.
I’ve put the actual postings (lightly edited) immediately below. I’ve also put edited/summary versions in the “comments” section, so we have a separate thread for each question.
I’m looking forward to everyone’s thoughts on these and will provide some of my own.
Alan
1. Dildos-If you use them as part of the discipline are they used before or after any spanking or are they used separately from the spanking aspects of the discipline?
2. Rubber Paddles- Are they used in your relationship at all and if so, are they used regularly or only occasionally?
3. Lexan Paddles -same question- are they used at all and if so, regularly or only occasionally?
TG
There are certain immutables: a DD spanking is always going to be physically painful and I assume it is always going to be on bare skin. However, I think that there are physiological aspects to this in addition to the purely physical. Whether the relationship is more generally FLR or not, at the time of the spanking, the spankee is making themselves subservient to their partner’s authority. My questions are really aimed at (1) learning if others also feel that and (2) if so, then how this manifests. So firstly : bare skin, but just pants down or completely naked ? And secondly : OTK or standing and bent over something ? I also feel there is a distinction between different types of OTK. Lying across the lap on a sofa or bed seems to me more a position for spanking play rather than DD, I believe a more appropriate position for DD has the spanker sitting on a suitable height chair with the spankee positioned across them so that their butt is their highest point and both hands and feet are on the floor. This feels to me a far more subservient position. So, do others feel that there is a strong physiological component to how a DD spanking is carried out and if so, what are the practices that reinforce or detract from that ambiance ? TG
ZM
1) When multiple spanking instruments are used in a punishment (for example strap, paddle, cane), in which order should they be used for maximum effectiveness assuming that the goal is to maximize both immediate pain and longer lasting discomfort and to allow the spanking to continue as long as possible so delaying skin failure.
2) Alternate punishments - what alternate punishments do your wives use and which do you find most effective? This can be anything including old fashioned childhood punishments like enemas, castor oil, and mouthsoaping, as well as BDSM related things like nipple clamps, pegging, and so on, but only when those things are used as a punishment in a DD context.
3) What things can be done to maximize the effects of a spanking? Some I can think of are making your bottom cold or wet to make impact more painful, wearing pantyhose or tights to compress the skin and hold in heat, or perhaps different positions, but I am sure there are others.
Kevin
My questions are related to maintaining a long-term spanking relationship. Do wives who spank begin to see it as a chore? If punishment is required for same issues more than a couple of times, is it less satisfying and more tedious?
Along those same lines, the husband may find spankings less embarrassing after a while. How do others keep the experience fresh? Are there some changes to the routine that are especially effective? Is it unrealistic to expect satisfaction to remain at a high level for both? – Kevin
Spanked Cowboy
Here is a question I have rising out of my observations, not only in writings like this blog, but also my actual conversations. As we, and the FLR ages, aided by becoming empty nesters, and winding up with fewer people around, it seems couples tend to be less careful about others 'discovering' your lifestyle. I don't mean broadcasting it or shouting from the rooftops, I mean less hidden. Some here have alluded to spanking near an open or undraped window. Others I have talked with find themselves spanked in less than private situations. Do we become less concerned about others knowing? Is it a change of mind of the female of the couple? As careers wind down are we more open about our lifestyles?
Kevin
Dan, I know this is a late suggestion, but I've been curious about the duration of other people's spankings. And does it vary, depending on the circumstances leading up to punishment and the implement being used?
J
J: 1) How to explain DD to children (whether they find out accidentally or they are told). Will you tell the whole truth? Will you sell them the benefits of such a way of doing things when they are older? And any other related points on this subject.
2) Reconciliation after a spanking. Hugging? Kissing? Or anything else. And what works best?
3) Post-spanking sex. Does it happen? Does the spanking typically have much of an effect on it? And anything else people think is relevant.
Dildos-If you use them as part of the discipline are they used before or after any spanking or are they used separately from the spanking aspects of the discipline?
ReplyDeleteWe haven't done this. A very long time ago, we experimented with "pegging" in a non-disciplinary context. I do, however, see how they could be used both as a from of discipline and for role-reinforcement.
DeleteWe never did pegging.
DeleteKOJ
We use pegging here and it may or may not be part of a discipline. We both feel it is the ultimate act of submission for a male and she pegs me whenever she feels my submissive side needs reinforcing.
DeleteThat is our limited experience with pegging also; neither of us experiences it as disciplinary but it triggers a power surge in her which makes me want to surrender to her.
DeleteAlan
I would have accepted it but I was not about to suggest it.
DeleteKOJ
Alan, just to add, I do think this is something Anne should explore more in 2023. Whether as real punishment or to enforce her role, I think it's worth trying again. It was many years ago that we last tried it, and she wasn't nearly as into her role as she is now. I wonder whether she would now get the "power surge" your wife gets.
DeleteWe have done only a limited amount with pegging. My wife has used it as an ending to punishment a couple of times. I think it can be a pretty effective punishment even by itself, depending on the dildo used, especially if you hate the feeling of having something inside you like I do. And even if it is a small dildo, the power exchange dynamic is pretty significant. I don't know if my wife got a power surge from it, but I will ask her about it. Though again, we have done very little with this, even though we have bought quite a few things for it.
Delete-ZM
Rubber Paddles- Are they used in your relationship at all and if so, are they used regularly or only occasionally?
ReplyDeleteWe did use rubber paddles, but for me (and I have a lead butt), they fall into the "too much" category and also caused too much physical damage. Ultimately, they were counterproductive because they (a) put me into a "man up and get through it" headspace that wasn't consistent with accepting the spanking and surrendering to it; and (b) tended to bring spankings to a premature end, because of the damage to the skin.
DeleteWe never used rubber paddles.
DeleteKOJ
We have both a rubber paddle and strap. They both have taken their place as implements used in maintenance or discipline spankings.
DeleteMy wife wants one for "serious correction" but both of us are concerned about the several warning about them
DeleteAlan
Several weeks ago, someone referenced this Devil's Braid tool.
Deletehttps://www.cane-iac.com/items/rubber~vinyl-toys/devilbraid-detail.htm
It might solve one BIG problem we had with rubber paddles, which was breaking the skin.
Personally, I came to the conclusion that rubber was just more trouble than it was worth. Because of the physical damage and pain level, spankings ended up being shorter, even though we probably need them to go longer to really break me down. They caused damage that made Anne way too squeamish to go on. And, some of the varieties from cane-iac smell like an old tire, to the extent they can make a whole room smell like a tire shop.
If you wanted something that was very serious but that doesn't have as much of a tendency to break the skin, maybe one of these from The London Tanners, in increasing order of severity:
https://thelondontanners.com/shop/wardens-punishment-strap/
https://thelondontanners.com/shop/canadian-prison-strap/https://thelondontanners.com/shop/the-texas-prison-strap/
Thanks, this is helpful. I don't think she wants another strap' but am going to look into the devils braid which I have seen referenced before
DeleteAlan
Unfortunately the rubber paddle has become Ann’s go-to implement. It’s horrible. But I’ve discovered that as hard as she swings it, numbing does eventually come.
DeleteFred,
DeleteYou seem to be the exceptional couple that has stuck with rubber while many others seem to have given up on it or use it sparingly. Do you have any tips about using it long term
Thanks
Alan
Hand only, so far. I hope for more.
DeleteCynthia Ellen
My advice is patience and communication. In our case patience led to figuring out that if Ann spanks hard with the rubber paddle it hurts a lot, but eventually leads to numbing. Although it’s terrible, when she starts with it I hope she will just keep on and keep it really hard. Once it numbs it will do damage I’ll feel with every step and every time I sit down, but the pain of impact is reduced.
DeleteMy wife actually uses the Devil's braid quite often because it is just super silent and highly effective. Also, it doesn't seem to cause much skin damage, unlike quite a few of our other implements.
DeleteWe also have a "Curse of Dana" rubber strap from Cane-Iac. As Dan said, it smells like an old tire, so we keep ours sealed in a plastic bag. My wife doesn't use it often, but when she does, it really hurts. It only comes out for pretty real punishments. It does tend to cause quite a lot of surface damage, which would normally end a spanking early, though if my wife has enough emotion to be vented, she sometimes just tells me to pull up my underwear so she doesn't have to see the blood and she continues spanking me. I should note that when this happens, the amount of blood is a matter of a few droplets and there is no bleeding after she stops, so it is almost like it is forced through the skin.
"Once it numbs it will do damage I’ll feel with every step and every time I sit down, but the pain of impact is reduced." - I think a lot of times people treat numbing like it is entirely bad, but when the goal of spanking is to cause both immediate pain as well as to leave soreness and discomfort that can be felt for days, sometimes numbing is what enables that to happen. The immediate pain has already been caused, and once numbness sets in, the real work of leaving a reminder that can be felt for days can begin.
-ZM
ReplyDeleteLexan Paddles - are they used at all and if so, regularly or only occasionally?
We had a Lexan paddle but I eventually tossed it. It didn't seem to be any more effective than wood. In fact, it was less so. Plus, I have a thing for more traditional, natural implements.
DeleteWe never used Lexan and also preferred traditional implements.
DeleteKOJ
I get this but wonder why seemingly many folks recommend them for their severity.
DeleteAlan
Alan, I honestly don't know. I've seen those same recommendations, and I don't get it. They do feel different, but different isn't the same as severe. To me, they felt stingier than a wood paddle, but the feeling didn't go nearly as deep as wood. It was very surface level and, in my opinion, really was not as painful overall.
DeleteSpanking can be as much psychological (or more) than physical. So if a husband comes to believe Lexan is more severe (and it is apparently pretty stingy)--then an apprehension of her using it can be worse than the reality. Maybe that is what has given Lexan its reputation in some quarters ,despite the fact that wood or a strap can be much more punishing
DeleteAlan
Do others feel that there is a strong physiological component to how a DD spanking is carried out and if so, what are the practices that reinforce or detract from that ambiance?
ReplyDeleteI do feel there is a strong psychological component to how spankings are carried out. But, I find it's a delicate balance of competing factors. She needs to be stern, yet not mean or intentionally humiliating. "All business" is probably the demeanor that seems to work best. She usually has me undress before she comes into the room, which is somewhat humbling, though I think it might be even more so if she made me undress in front of her right before the spanking. Leaving me alone in the room to anticipate the spanking is actually counterproductive. I either get bored or irritated.
DeleteI want to pick up on your use of the word “humiliating.” This is a bit tricky as it stems more from a Ds attitude that has spilled into DD. (We have played around with Ds as well but really not much for some years). I think there are many situations / actions / requirements that in other circumstances would be humiliating - which I think most would agree is a negative emotion - which in a Ds session become more a manifestation of ownership - which I would suggest in a Ds session is a positive reinforcement. I’ve always felt that humiliation in a good Ds session is actually not possible. Now make the jump from Ds to DD and I think something similar applies. Again, I think the spankee gives authority to the spanker and instructions or actions which might be humiliating in another situation just become reinforcement of that authority, and as such are probably a positive element rather than a negative one. And yes, I suspect there may be some who will disagree with this. TG
DeleteTG, I get what you're saying, and I think humiliation is, as you say, a tricky issue on several different levels. First, as you say, it can depend a lot on the context and the relationship dynamic. As you say, in a D/s relationship, directions or actions might be part of the game or part of the role enforcement and be perfectly OK with both parties. Second, there is the subjective element, i.e. you might see some act or instruction as OK or even as a turn on, while I might see it as inherently humiliating in a negative way. Third, in some D/s relationships, a direction, action or comment might be seen by the husband as very humiliating, yet he may be someone who actually gets off on humiliation. There is the whole "small penis humiliation" thing, where some men actually get off on having their wife say they have a small dick. Some are into cuckolding, which could be humiliating, or a turn-on, or both in one.
DeleteIt's complicated. Also, you reference instructions or actions that might or might not be humiliating. I was thinking more about things like belittling comments or things that are kind of intentionally designed to hurt someone's feelings or have a high likelihood of doing so. But, even there it's tricky. On some level, a deserved scolding may still be hard to hear and accept.
My wife scolded a lot and that was part of the psychology of punishment for us. I did find it embarrassing. I preferred that she scold me while I was OTK so I didn't have to face her. But sometimes she would make me stand in front of her with my pants down and get scolded before I went OTK. That was humiliating .. and also memorable and very effective.
DeleteKOJ
Dan articulates very well the nuanced psychological factors that determine effectiveness. For me, there must be more than the physical experience. The psychological aspects of her taking command completely while continuing to dialogue with me are critical. The more I feel her authority and control, the more effective discipline will be in general and for specific behaviors. This may be idiosyncratic to me but like KOJ, standing in front of her with my pants already down while she is scolding me is just about as powerful as it can get short perhaps of a severe spanking
DeleteAlan
Psychology definitely plays a big role in our disciplinary life. From having to wear white briefs every day from the offense until the spanking, to having to strip to my briefs to prepare our bedroom, to walking through the house to find Ann and tell her I’m ready and ask her to please spank me. Sometimes she sends me up to stand against the wall, waiting for her. The last step she’s added recently is pulling down my underwear herself. Talk about power transfer!
DeleteVery strong psychological component. I like when he takes complete control and I have no say in the punishment.
DeleteCynthia Ellen
I agree with others that there is a very strong psychological element that often outweighs even the physical element. However, until now at least, my wife hasn't really done all that much to try to enhance the psychological element, though we have talked about a few things. Until we try them, it is kind of hard to know if they will work the way we expect or not.
Delete-zM
At the time of the spanking, the spankee is making themselves subservient to their partner’s authority. Do others feel that way?
ReplyDeleteI agree and do feel that way. The flip side of the coin--one we probably don't emphasize enough here in these discussions--is her feeling empowered and having the authority.
DeleteMy wife really felt empowered! And I felt submissive and subservient and regretful for my misbehavior and deserving of punishment.
DeleteKOJ
Totally subservient, as I should be.
DeleteCynthia Ellen
Are spankings always given on the bare skin? If so, is the spankee totally naked or just pants down?
ReplyDeleteAlmost always. We did experiment very briefly earlier this year with paddlings given over jeans. I think they could have a very limited role, like if she wanted to give a super-quick paddling for some reason, dispensing with all the "ritual" except the spanking itself. But, the pain level was less. I didn't really expect it to be, as it's not like that fabric is that thick, but it apparently does provide some significant amount of cushion.
DeleteOther than that experiment, all of ours are "on the bare," with me totally naked. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the "totally naked" part, however. I could see having the pants pulled down but not taken off as being humbling, and also giving a certain sense of being less able to resist, since pants around the ankles could frustrate the ability to get up, or make you otherwise less mobile.
I was always pants down but not naked. This was part of her requirement that punishment be as maternal and nonsexual as possible.
DeleteKOJ
I am always totally nude while spanked for any reason. This is easy at home as I am kept nude whenever in the house. Away from home I am stripped, if possible, otherwise, at the very least bare ass. I have never been spanked over any clothing.
DeleteMy former G.F. did spank me a few times over the seat of my pants. It was with a paddle and I did feel it. However, the vast majority of my spankings have been bare bum spankings. . There are a lot of advantages over spanking over clothing including the embarrassment factor, the greater punishment delivered to bare skin, and the fact that the disciplinarian can monitor the condition of the bottom avoiding taking a spanking further than she wants to go
DeleteAlan
Mine used to be with my pants and underwear down to my knees. For the last several months I’ve been essentially naked, with my underwear around my ankles.
DeleteHe will take my panties down. Sometimes he then makes me strip.
DeleteCynthia Ellen
We are kind of split between naked from the waist down, fully naked, and occasionally while wearing underwear. Quite honestly, I think the primary thing that prevents fully naked most of the time is our house is often not all that warm, since we don't have comfortable forced air heating like in America.
DeleteI agree that there are a number of benefits to being at least bare-bottomed, including more sting with less effort on her part, more embarrassment, and her being able to monitor the condition of your bottom. When she spanks me with my underwear on, it is usually because she doesn't want to see the damage. However, we have been doing this long enough that I feel pretty comfortable about her judgement, and I think she can generally gauge how much damage she is inflicting whether she is looking at it or not.
-ZM
How are OTK spankings delivered - on a sofa or bed, or on a chair with the spankee positioned across the spanker's lap such that their butt is their highest point and both hands and feet are on the floor? Or, is some other position used. Does the position determine how subservient the spankee feels?
ReplyDeleteMost of our are on an ottoman that is in front of our bed. It's a little too low, but it works. I do think that being draped over her lap with head down does make me feel somewhat more subservient. We have done it with her sitting on the bed, however, and I do think that can still be an effective position that doesn't make it a more erotic spanking.
DeleteAlmost all of my spankings are delivered over my wife's knee. We both prefer with her sitting on the bed or couch because it provides stability, especially because of our significant height difference. And yes, subservience is a big factor in our preference for that position.
DeleteI've also received a few standing spanks from Beth. A memorable one was in our kitchen when she decided some prompt correction was needed. My pants came down and she applied a spatula to my bare bottom. It wasn't as long or hard as otk with her hairbrush, but in some ways it was more embarrassing. I know I felt more exposed getting it that way in the middle of our kitchen.
Almost always OTK and usually with hands and feet on the floor. She would hook her right leg over both of mine to hold me in position. The way mother used to do it.
DeleteKOJ
OTK here is not used often due to our physical sizes, but we do use a modified OTK when she sits on sofa or bed, and I am over her lap. My body eight is thus supported by the bed or sofa.
DeleteO.T.K .is my favorite for all the reasons cited. But my wife finds it somewhat awkward ( uncomfortable?). So most of my spankings are administered in another position. She sometimes bends me over the bathroom counter or kitchen counter for the bath brush and she has made me go hands to the wall for a cane or strap. But probably the majority of spankings are across the bed ( in the" spanking room", with my feet touching the floor and my bottom raised by a pillow or two. Sometimes she sits while spanking this way but mostly she stands behind me
DeleteAlan
I’m spanked over pillows on the bed. It is purposeful to avoid any risk to a medical implant I have. The effect is that almost all spanks are concentrated along the crease. It’s where bruises and broken skin show up. The leg openings of my underwear rub against it, making me feel the spanking for days!!
DeleteAlways OTK. Usually he sits on the bed and I crawl across his lap and stick my butt up.
DeleteCynthia Ellen
When multiple spanking instruments are used in a punishment (for example strap, paddle, cane), in which order should they be used for maximum effectiveness assuming that the goal is to maximize both immediate pain and longer lasting discomfort and to allow the spanking to continue as long as possible so delaying skin failure.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure about the precise ordering, but I do think it's usually best for any heavier wooden instrument to go last, since (for me) at some point it seems to result in significant numbing. Though, the other big problem you mention, skin failure, happens to me a lot with the bath brush, so maybe it should be last?
DeleteMy wife almost always used just one implement per session. She couldn't be bothered with switching implements.
DeleteKOJ
Multiple implements are most often used here. Not sure if she has a particular order in mind, but she most always begins with bare hand.
DeleteI am not sure about ordering or even if there is a correct ordering. I like the idea that my wife makes the decision. I do think using two or more instruments leaves a more lasting memory and I think starting lighter and building up makes it more likely a spanking will go on until it has done the job. These days she usually starts with a lighter paddle, then goes on to a strap, back to a heavier paddle or heavier strap, and ends with a wood paddle or strap. She has used corner time to break up a session but not very often. These days she rarely uses the cane and when she does that is all she uses. She almost never uses a hairbrush although we started with one
DeleteAlan
Alternate punishments - what alternate punishments do your wives use and which do you find most effective? This can be anything including old fashioned childhood punishments like enemas, castor oil, and mouthsoaping, as well as BDSM related things like nipple clamps, pegging, and so on, but only when those things are used as a punishment in a DD context.
ReplyDeleteWhile we've talked from time to time about alternative punishments, Anne never seems to really get into any of them. In some ways that's too bad, because I think some of them could be very effective. To your list, I would add grounding or some kind of loss of privileges.
DeleteScolding, scolding, and more scolding. If I was foul-mouthed she occasionally made me bite on soap while she spanked me. Boy, dId I hate that! I stopped swearing completely.
DeleteKOJ
No alternatives here. We agreed at the onset that bare bottom spankings would be the only punishments used.
DeleteShe has threatened enemas but never used one. Similarly with mouth soaping. She does use corner time liberally and uses "punishment panties" often. Much earlier in our relationship, she did require an ejaculation before she spanked me but she has not done that for a while. Neither of us particularly believes in alternate punishments such as Danielle discussed. Our orientation is more toward reinforcing the spanking as per Aunt Kay's notions. She is considering incorporating a "butt plug" which is why I asked the question above about dildos
DeleteAlan
He has sent me to our bedroom to wait for him. I hate that! I want to be with him!
DeleteCynthia Ellen
Alan, my wife has also mentioned enemas, but has never used one. We do have everything for it, so I expect that at some time she probably will. We have done the post-ejaculation spanking only once. It didn't change how painful I perceived it to be all that much, but instead just made the whole thing feel colder and without the normal closeness and intimacy.
Delete"Neither of us particularly believes in alternate punishments such as Danielle discussed. Our orientation is more toward reinforcing the spanking as per Aunt Kay's notions." - I will have to go back and see what Danielle discussed. I do remember that her explanations of what they did were incredibly impactful for me, and they would cause mental images that I would think about for days. I also read most everything on the DWC website. However, in both cases (Danielle and Aunt Kay) I haven't read enough recently to remember how they approached alternate punishments. If you get any time, please elaborate a little about this sentence of yours so I understand more clearly
-ZM
What things can be done to maximize the effects of a spanking? Some I can think of are making your bottom cold or wet to make impact more painful, wearing pantyhose or tights to compress the skin and hold in heat, or perhaps different positions, but I am sure there are others.
ReplyDeleteI don't have much to offer here. I find the pain involved varies a lot from spanking to spanking, and not for obvious reasons. I do think duration plays a significant role, though it's sometimes hard to draw one out significantly and it obviously ties up more of her time and takes more effort.
DeleteMy wife swung hard and fast. She didn't need help maximizing it.
DeleteKOJ
We don't do much of this other than experiment with positions. However, my former G.F. did use "icy hot" a couple of times. It did leave the impression that "she really wants me to feel this" and it stung a while. But I am not sure overall it made the spanking more effective. If we tried it now I might change my mind.
DeleteAlan
I’m most often spanked after work, due to our dog’s schedule. During the winter I’m not permitted use the heated seats in my car on the drive home. The colder it is, the worse the effect of cold buns for a spanking.
DeleteWe take showers together and he sometime smacks my wet bum. I like the echo sound!
DeleteCynthia Ellen
As we, and the FLR ages, aided by becoming empty nesters, do we become less concerned about others knowing? Is it a change of mind of the female of the couple? As careers wind down are we more open about our lifestyles?
ReplyDeleteEmpty nesting in and of itself had much less impact than I thought it would. Maybe the best way to describe it is that empty nesting was a "necessary but not sufficient" factor in bringing about more openness. I do think that when my career wound down I became somewhat less concerned about others knowing, though I've always probably been a little more open to others knowing that Anne has. What really seemed to change our dynamic was *her* career winding down. She has expressly drawn a connection between things like leaving the window shades up and her retirement status. At one point she said that she didn't realize until she was out of her job just how much fear of her DD activities being outed at work had been a concern in the background.
DeleteAs I have described in other posts, my wife became much more open after we both retired. Like Anne, it was freeing for her. Like Dan, I had been less concerned before retirement than she was. I wished she hadn't become quite so open, but I was not going to question her authority.
DeleteKOJ
Retirement removes a however unlikely threat one will be "outed" to their disadvantage. We are just beginning to experience that, so stay tuned. But I think simple age and maturity matter at least as much in making one less concerned about others "knowing". I also am very proud of my wife for taking charge and doing what needed to be done. I also am proud of myself for accepting who I am sexually and submitting to her authority. These are feeling that grew stronger over time. In my late 20's and even into my 30's I was ashamed that I had to be spanked. I don't feel that way any longer
DeleteAlan
What is the the duration of your spankings? Does it vary, depending on the circumstances leading up to punishment and the implement being used?
ReplyDeleteI haven't really timed one, but I think from start to finish it's probably somewhere between 4 and 6 minutes. It doesn't seem to vary much based on the circumstances leading to the punishment. Instead, the biggest determinant seems to be how well my butt holds up. Many spankings seem to come to a "premature" end because of some (very) minor abrasion.
DeleteMy wife spanked very hard and very fast. She would land two smacks per second at the start, then slow down as she tired or if she wanted to emphasize her scolding with one smack per syllable. Like Dan, I was probably usually over her knee for just 4-5 minutes. But it could be longer if she was not convinced that I had learned a lesson based on my reaction and promises. She got very good at ignoring the condition of my bottom until she heard what she wanted to hear spoken in the appropriate tone. If I did not sound sincerely apologetic, she would say "I don't believe you yet" and keep right on going.
DeleteKOJ
They are mostly a lot shorter than it seems. As far as I can tell a typical spanking ( the interval between the main scolding and being sent to the corner) is 4-5 minutes. However, there have been some that lasted an hour or more if time-outs, scoldings, waiting, etc are counted. The longest actual continuous spanking I remember was from my former GF and it must have lasted 45 minutes or longer with brief timeouts and moving to different rooms She gave that to me before I left on a three-week travel journey and she wanted to make sure I remembered it. I did. The marks lasted well into the second week which I remember at the time amazed me because before that it was always the second or third day
DeleteAlan
He only gives me 10-20 smacks. But sometimes he draws it out, teasing me. I wiggle my bottom to ask him to smack me again. I could be over his lap for 20 minutes and only get 20 smacks!
DeleteCynthia Ellen
How to explain DD to children (whether they find out accidentally or they are told). Will you tell the whole truth? Will you sell them the benefits of such a way of doing things when they are older? And any other related points on this subject.
ReplyDeleteI'm really leaving this one completely in Anne's hands, as I am 99% sure that if it ever came up it would be in conversations between her and one or more of the kids. I would leave it to her discretion regarding timing and content of any such conversations. If I was asked directly (which I think is very unlikely), I think I would tell the whole truth. I don't think I would try to "sell" it, because I think (a) it isn't likely to be beneficial for every couple; and (b) if one of my kids were interested, I'm not sure what side of the dynamic they would be on.
DeleteI agree with Dan on this. One of our adult children did ask some questions, and we waffled and made some generic comments like "Dad works hard and likes Mom to run things when he gets home." However, it is possible that my wife said more to my daughter in private. Now that my wife is gone, if either of my kids asked me directly I would answer truthfully. But we are all still grieving so I doubt that will happen. I would not volunteer about our DD to our kids. It just feels too private. But if my daugher said she was having trouble with her husband and sought my advice, I would tell her how her mother made me a much better husband, father, and man.
DeleteKOJ
I guess I would tell the whole truth, emphasizing the pros of an FLR and DD household for any ages.
DeleteI know what I think I should do which is the basic truth but am not sure I wouldn't dodge it. My former GF once considered telling my sister that she spanked me working toward a possible demonstration. At the time this was a real possibility and I remember freaking out about it. So close family might make a difference. But I also paid attention to Danielle's testimony telling Wayne's sister and also disclosing ( indirectly) to their son. So apparently it can work out
DeleteAlan
Reconciliation after a spanking. Hugging? Kissing? Or anything else. And what works best?
ReplyDeleteNot much of any real "reconciliation" practice.
DeleteWe would invariably hug and I would thank her for correcting me. She would say "you're welcome" with her wry smile, still hardly believing that her husband would thank her for thrashing his behind.
DeleteKOJ
Never any after care following a punishment spanking. I am usually left alone for a period of reflection. After that, some hugging and forgiveness is common. Sex after maintenance, but not usually after punishments.
DeleteI was allowed to suckle on her breasts as long as I needed as she careessed me.
DeleteLuvinhub
I think making love after punishment is one of the ultimate pleasures of this lifestyle. I realize many couples keep discipline and love-making separate and that works for them. In the early days, we used to make love usually after discipline. But then she forbid it for several years because of my post-intercourse behavior. We have worked that out now and it is wonderful
DeleteAlan
Sex always follows. Sometimes I wish he would deny me!
DeleteCynthia Ellen
Hi Alan,
Delete"I think making love after punishment is one of the ultimate pleasures of this lifestyle." - Agree 100%. When done correctly, DD results in a level of intimacy almost unthinkable in any "normal" marriage. And more intimacy almost always translates into better and more fulfilling love making.
-ZM
Alan, what post-intercourse behaviour are you referring to?
DeleteJ
ZM, I completely agree. Our intimacy is, as far as I am aware, unrivalled, meaning our lovemaking also is.
DeleteJ
ReplyDeletePost-spanking sex. Does it happen? Does the spanking typically have much of an effect on it?
It happens with us most of the time. I don't think the spanking has a lot of impact on the actual sex, but we tend to have conversations about the spanking, where things might go in the future, etc, laying in bed immediately after the spanking but before the actual sex.
DeleteWe separated sex from punishment by at least an hour, usually longer. Again, punishment was somewhat maternal for us.
DeleteKOJ
We had started out with having sex afterward which usually started with me providing oral sex and would end with penetrative sex. Toward the end of our FLR/DD I was not allowed sexual pleasure but is she chose, which was most of the time, I was required to give her oral pleasure as long as she desired.
DeleteLuvinhub
I have answered most of this just above. But I will add that if the wife is forbidding lovemaking to further punish him, she may also be punishing herself. I realize there are other reasons a woman may not welcome lovemaking after giving a punishment, but extending the punishment shouldn't be part of it.
DeleteAlan
We are both highly aroused after a spanking. He invariably takes me from behind. Sometimes he has me service him first. He is in complete command.
DeleteCynthia Ellen
For us, circumstances almost never allowed sex right after a punishment, since we generally had to fit punishments into times that we were alone but there was still enough outside noise in the neighborhood to help mask the noise somewhat both from passers by outside and from our landlords who live on the floor below us. Consequently, 90% of punishments have happened in the earlier evening, so sex right after the spanking usually hasn't happened. However, almost every night we make love when we go to bed, and whether or not there was a punishment earlier in the evening doesn't seem to change that.
Delete-ZM
[Sorry, I failed to include one of TG's questions. Adding it here]: OTK or standing and bent over something?
ReplyDeleteWe've done both and other variations. For a long time, I didn't see OTK as effective. Most of mine tended to be either standing up and bent over the bed and/or laying over the ottoman with a thick meditation cushion under me stomach, putting my butt further up in the air. Last year, we tried OTK again, and it's now become the "go to" position.
DeleteOTK most of the time. She did like to make me cut a switch while we were at our summer cabin, and I laid over pillows on the bed for that. Talk about sting!
DeleteKOJ
Bent over something is used most often, standing is also used when no suitable item to bend over is present.
DeleteWe have probably used all the positions including standing. OTK is probably used the least, her choice, not mine.
DeleteAlan
OTK mostly. He has bent me over the butcher block in the kitchen for spanking and sex. I love that!
DeleteCynthia Ellen
Same as Alan. We have used OTK the least (almost never) by my wife's choice. Probably most used for us is either bending over the bed, or sometimes kneeling on the bed with bottom stuck up and head down.
Delete-ZM
Dan, I want to comment on one of Kevin’s questions that I didn’t see in your single question comments (apologies if I missed it.). Do wives sometimes see applying discipline as a chore ? I’d have to say yes to that, especially during busy times when there’s lots going on generally - modern life ! There have been plenty of comments in the past implying that some of us don’t receive discipline as often as we think we should and I think the two things go hand in hand. I don’t have any solution to offer, I think it varies over time but can definitely be an issue - if hopefully a temporary one. TG
ReplyDeleteOops. Missed that set of questions entirely.
Delete
ReplyDeleteDo wives who spank begin to see it as a chore? If punishment is required for same issues more than a couple of times, is it less satisfying and more tedious?
Along those same lines, the husband may find spankings less embarrassing after a while. How do others keep the experience fresh? Are there some changes to the routine that are especially effective? Is it unrealistic to expect satisfaction to remain at a high level for both? –
Anne has never said it gets less satisfying, but she has said that she sometimes has to think through how to juggle finding time to give a thorough spanking with everything else on her to-do list. It's one reason it was good for us to simplify the whole process last year, narrowing things to usually a simple OTK spanking with two or three instruments and not much formality before or after.
DeleteTo the contrary, my wife got more and more into it as our DD progressed, loving her power and authority. And as she became more blatant, I became more embarrassed! I also found it erotic afterwards, however. If she were still alive, I might be getting it in the public square!
DeleteKOJ
I think if the wife sees the effectiveness of DD, and it makes her life better, it won't become a chore. If the husband's behavior is not improving much, she likely will.
DeleteI know some couples say they have gotten to the point where spanking almost never happens, and that might be disappointing for the husband. But with us she kept ramping up her expectations, which she called "training," taking me, for instance, from stage 1 (no socks lying around) to stage 2 (neatly putting all my clothes away) to stage three (folding and putting away her things as well) to stage four (doing all the machine-washed laundry) to stage 5, the very best stage (hand-washing her unmentionables!) See, there was a reward to being trained!
KOJ
I don't think she feels it is a chore and has never failed to spank whenever SHE feels it is needed.
DeleteI think she sees it as a chore in the way that a guy might find washing and waxing a new sports car a chore but something that is needed and gives fulfillment. It's a chore in that it needs to be done, but a pleasure because she enjoys doing it and the result.
DeleteAlan
I think he does see punishment as a chore. He keeps telling me he shouldn't have to punish me, that I should want to behave and be able to control my behavior. He doesn't get how I am wired, at least not yet.
DeleteCynthia Ellen