The Club - Meeting 365 - Witnesses & Others Knowing, Part ??

“Suddenly summoned to witness something great and horrendous, we keep fighting not to reduce it to our own smallness.” ― John Updike

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships.

 

I hope you all had a good week.  Isn’t it weird going a whole week without some big catastrophe dominating the news?  Here we are on Super Bowl Sunday, and the biggest thing on the late news tonight is likely to actually be the Super Bowl.  As for the game itself, I like football but am not a fanatic about it, and I don’t have much skin in the game this year, as all the teams I follow kind of sucked this year.  So, while I don’t care that much about the game itself, I will say I’m really missing the whole sports bar experience.

 

We had a good discussion last week. Thanks for all the helpful advice about getting back into the swing of things, so to speak, after a long spanking hiatus.  I didn’t take that advice (yet) in terms of actually just biting the bullet and asking for one. Though, I also had a glimmer of the old (bad) me come out, after three back-to-back work-related virtual happy hours in one late afternoon/evening led to a few too many beers for a weekday.  It wasn’t like gonzo excessive but definitely enough to leave me feeling tired the next day.  So, while she didn’t order a spanking, I guess at a minimum I now have some reason to ask for one if I want to go in that direction.

 

While last week’s topic may officially have been about pauses or hiatuses from the disciplinary lifestyle, much of the discussion ended up being about witnesses.  It’s been way less than a year since we last did something on that topic, but it is plainly one with ongoing appeal and, since I didn’t have anything else lined up to talk about this week, let’s go with something along the lines of the sub-topics ZM suggested.  I’ve paraphrased or added my own spin on some of them, and I’ll provide my own answers in-line.  If possible, I’d like to keep the discussion focused on witnesses in terms of personal relationships, not things like spanking parties.  I think the two dynamics would be very different, and most of the exchanges we’ve had on this relate to the interpersonal dynamics.

 

Does the spanker in your relationship have any desire/motivation to have a witness or to tell someone about your spanking relationship?  If so, is it either telling someone, or having a witness, or both?

 

I don’t think Anne has any desire to tell anyone that she spanks me or to have someone witness a spanking.  Though, as I’ve recounted here, there have been a couple of instances in which she has made cryptic or not-so-cryptic references to it in front other others, mainly family members.

 

For those who have crossed the Rubicon and told someone or given a spanking in front of a witness, was it a one-time thing or a repeat occurrence?

 

For me, it’s been kind of a blend with respect to telling someone.  So far, I have told only one person from my “real life,” namely a female friend of many years.  Anne later had some fun talking to this same friend about it.  I haven’t told anyone else about it, though I have had some of the on-line relationships from this blog blossom into real, if still mainly electronic, relationships.  Though, I don’t really think of that as the same kind of “telling others” that ZM has become so fascinated with lately.

 

 

For those who haven’t done it, what keeps you from telling others?  From having witnesses? Fear of how they would react?  Fear of their indiscretion?

 

That’s a hard one. With respect to family members, I do wonder how they would react and I don’t really want to find out.  With others, like friends, there hasn’t really been any natural entry point for such a conversation. I don’t know anything about my friends’ respective kinks, and it’s not something we’d usually talk about.  I don’t think the reluctance is so much fear of indiscretion, because I think if you do choose to tell someone about this, you kind of have to presume they’ll tell someone else, especially their spouse.  I don’t know whether the friend I told has told her husbands (she’s been divorced once since I told her) about it, but I wouldn’t be surprised.  Honestly, I think what holds me back the most from telling anyone else is I wouldn’t want to make them uncomfortable. 

 

 

Is having an eyewitness more embarrassing or threatening than someone merely knowing that you get spanked?

 

While I think having someone witness a spanking would be more embarrassing than that same someone merely knowing that I do get spanked, context is important.  Something I think I would find very embarrassing would be having someone know I was about to be spanked, being taken out of the room for the spanking, and then having to come back and face them.  I don’t know why I find the thought of that more embarrassing than actually being spanked in front of someone, but I do.

 

 

Would someone hearing you get spanked be as embarrassing having an eyewitness?

 

See my previous answer. I think it would and perhaps more so, though I can’t really explain why.

 

  

Would someone seeing the after-effects of a spanking be as embarrassing as witnessing the spanking itself?

 

 If you have told someone that you get/give disciplinary spankings, who did you tell and how did they react?

As I said above, I have told one person; a female friend who we both have known for many years.  Her reaction was some mixture of interest and amusement.  I don’t think it is something she herself has an interest in, but I think she was generally interested in hearing about it and in me revealing that part of myself to her.  

 

If you have been spanked/given a spanking in front of a witness, how did the witness react?  How did they feel about it, if you know?

 

  

If you have not told anyone but were ordered to do so, who would it be and why? 

 

This is a hard one.  Our parents and siblings are out, for various reasons, mainly that the parents would be uncomfortable and scandalized, and we don’t have that kind of relationship with any of our siblings.  Part of me is attracted to the idea of Anne being much more authoritative and openly in charge in front of our (adult) kids.  I think it would give them an even greater level of respect for her, and perhaps lead them to think about whether they have any desire to incorporate DD into their own adult relationships.

 

 

How did it/how might it change your relationship with the person who knows or the witness?

 

If one of us were to tell a friend or acquaintance, I’m not sure how it would change the relationship.  With the friend I told, it didn’t change the relationship, but when we get together I do think about the fact that she knows.  It is embarrassing, though also adds a kind of risqué energy.  It is the same with the people I’ve gotten to know through DD and FLR blogging. Even though as the relationships have developed much of what we talk about has nothing to do with DD or FLR, it definitely remains in the back of mind that, “This person knows I get spanked!” The above picture reflects that feeling a bit.

 

If a spanking hasn’t (yet) been witnessed, how do you think it would change your DD relationship if it were to happen?

 

I think if my wife ever decided to include a witness, it would be a real milestone in terms of both of us knowing that she is really in charge. While on the surface it adds a game-like element to things, I think it would make the reality all the more real.