Sunday, January 31, 2021

The Club - Ebbs & Flows and Getting Back on Track

“Rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.” - Harry Day

 

Hi all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club, our weekly gathering of men and women participating or interested in Domestic Discipline. I hope you all had a good week.

 

Mine was pretty sedate.  Much more so than the week before. I can’t say I got very much accomplished, though I didn’t really intend to.  I did fall off the wagon on my Dry January, but not in a big way and mostly because we had guests and I didn’t want to be a bad host or the odd man out. Also, the plain fact is that after about 24 days of sobriety, I had to ask myself what I really was accomplishing.  People rave about how much better they feel after a few weeks of  teetotaling, but I didn’t feel one bit better, and my sleep actually seemed to be worse.  So, I'm not going to beat myself up to much for quitting four or five days early.

 

The almost month-long dry spell is, however, just one aspect of what has been a nice streak of good behavior.  I’ve been eating pretty cleanly and in conformity with my overall diet plan.  Although recovery from the injury I had fixed before the New Year still is a work in progress and limits how hard I can go, I have been inching my way back into a gym routine, focusing on getting strength back but without overdoing it. My body weight is down substantially from a year ago at this time, and it seems to be relatively stable. I went through a period a few weeks ago in which my sleep got really bad; I kept waking up at 3:00 or 4:00 am every morning and couldn't get back to sleep.  But, I seem to have gotten past that and, with the help of a regular meditation routine, I am back to sleeping pretty well.  So, things are looking good at the moment. But, as I was preparing for this week’s topic, I came across this quote from early in 2019:

 

Paradoxically, despite tripping up on that resolution right at the outset of the new year, and despite 2019 seemingly heading off in a very different direction than I had planned, I’m feeling pretty good about things.  I’ve been exercising regularly. My diet has been pretty consistently healthy.  My strength and overall health are quite a bit better than this time last year.  I’ve always been a chronic insomniac and, yet, I’ve been sleeping surprisingly well lately.  Part of this seemingly well-balanced internal state is probably the after-glow of a vacation, but some is also attributable to conscious choices, like meditating more and trying to take every day slightly less seriously.  It seems to be working.

 

So, 2019 began with a lot of hope, but by the end of that year I was a physical and mental wreck, exhausted from too much travel, too much responsibility, too much stress, too little sleep, and too many bad choices.  So, while I like the current trend, I’m pretty cognizant of the need to make health a conscious choice and a priority.  I feel like I could screw it up pretty easily, though not so much by yielding to any  temptation to do “bad” things but, rather, because I am feeling cooped up and am longing for some physical exertion even though my recovering body parts really aren’t ready for that.  Patience is really not my strong suit, and I could pretty easily screw myself in the long run by pushing things too fast and too hard right now.  Fortunately, while the weather outside looks pretty tempting with bright, sunny skies the last few days, it’s deceptively cold. So, as much as I may want to go on a long hike or ride, it would not be a comfortable option.

 

  

So, what does that introduction have to do with Domestic Discipline? Perhaps a lot.  The above quote from 2019 was part of a topic on “ebbs and flows” with respect to interest in DD, and I went on to comment that because I was on a good trend and feeling pretty well and in control, I was experiencing a drop-off in my interest in being “taken in hand.” As I noted at that time: “My perceived need for discipline and boundaries and giving up control are inversely correlated with how calm and balanced I feel at that particular point in time.”

 

Except, this time, that doesn’t seem to be the case.  I did lose all interest in DD and FLR at the end of the year and that carried into the first couple of weeks of 2021, but that was more about physical recovery and the pain and drugs associated with that.  It also was the holidays, with all the distractions those entail, and I also got more than a little distracted by presidential politics surrounding the election and its aftermath.  But, now that those distractions are largely behind me, I find myself thinking more and more about our DD lifestyle and, frankly, wanting it back after this very long hiatus.  And, it has been a long one.  I think my last real spanking was in mid-October. Now, a comment like that would, in the ordinary course of things, be followed with something like, “not that I haven’t deserved one.” But, this time, there really hasn’t been much in the way of what I would consider truly bad behavior. So, there has not been any real need for her to impose boundaries or get out the paddle to send a message.

 

And, yet, I find myself wanting to be back under her control.  Early in the year, when my interest really was at a low ebb, I began asking myself whether we had perhaps moved past the DD and FLR thing entirely. Then, the first time we had sex after several weeks in which my recovery didn’t really allow for it, she kind of took control physically, grabbing my hair, pinching and playing with my nipples, etc.  It wasn’t so much the specific sexual moves, but just the whole attitude involved in asserting control over my body. 

 


In an instant, I knew that, no, I had not moved past my interest in being subject to her control and, in fact, wanted her to amp it up.

 

That’s where I am this week too, but it’s kind of a conundrum.  It isn’t just the FLR aspects of her control that are on my mind.  Rather, part of me wants her to show that control by spanking me.  Yet, like I said, I haven’t really done much to deserve one.  I could intentionally misbehave, but bratting seems very manipulative, so I don’t really want to go there.  I could just ask for one, and perhaps I will. But, that would be a fairly big change in direction for us.   

 

 

Our dynamic has really always been about accountability, with spankings directed to addressing particular offenses. This phase I’m going through, however, makes me wonder whether things have shifted a bit for me in terms of motivation.  I always wondered how my desires for discipline might change when either my behavior improved substantially or life slowed down and my stress level dropped.  I always assumed that my needs and desires around discipline might drop or just go away under those circumstances.  Yet, here I am feeling the opposite of that despite a pretty long period of good behavior and lower stress.  So, maybe even if my original motivation was inextricably linked with accountability and punishment, maybe now those are more a means to the larger end of being under someone else's control and direction?  I honestly don't know at this point.

 

The whole thing reminds me a little of a story from the Disciplinary Wives Club that I’ve referenced before, called Even More.  That particular story’s appeal has always been a bit odd to me, because in general I’ve always been driven by the idea of “imposed” discipline, including the disciplinary relationship itself being imposed by the wife whether the husband likes it or not.  Yet, in Even More, the husband stumbles upon the DWC website, shows it to his wife, then when she asks whether it is something he really wants, he tentatively admits it is something he would like to try. 

 

That part of the story pretty closely parallels what actually happened in my case.  In the story, at the point he admits he wants to experience a real punishment spanking, he has not really done anything wrong.  But, over dinner at a restaurant that night, they put together a list of “spankable” offenses.  As soon as they get back f, he inadvertently commits one of those offenses, namely the iconic leaving up of the toilet seat.  She orders a spanking, he gets cold feet when faced with the reality of the spanking he had so recently said he wanted, but she remains resolute and gives him one anyway. While the offense itself was pretty trivial, she gives him a very hard spanking, just to let him know the reality of the relationship he had been asking for.

 

In our own relationship, I drove the process of the first spanking a little more than she did.  After I showed her the DWC website, she agreed to give it a try and instructed me to buy her a hairbrush. I did, though I had a hard time finding one that was suitable, and even after shopping for a couple of hours, the one I ultimately bought was pretty flimsy.  I presented it to her that night.  We were both very embarrassed, now that reality was setting in.  While I hadn’t really done anything to be punished for, I asked her to go ahead and give me one, because I was afraid that if we didn’t act then and there, it might not happen at all.  So, she gave me one, OTK with the brush.  Unlike the spanking in Even More, it was not particularly hard, but it did get the ball rolling.  I’m wondering whether I need to treat this long hiatus as a kind of reset, which might require me suggesting a spanking—earned or not—to get us back on track.

 

I also recognize that, if my past track record is any indication, it's pretty unlikely that my streak of good behavior won't be broken sometime soon.  So, we probably are talking only about how to get things started again in the meantime.  It's also true that she might start focusing on "smaller" things that have always been on the table as "spankable" but that have been the subject of surprisingly few actual spankings.  For example, I know that I still have a tendency toward arrogance, and I don't always speak to her as respectfully as  I should.  Dealing with the disrespect issue alone would probably result in a sore bottom multiple times a week.

 

 

Have you ever gone through anything similar to what I’m describing?  Have you had a long-ish period in which you stopped your DD or FLR practices entirely?  Why did that happen?  What led to getting back on track?  Was there a particular incident of bad behavior that led her to impose spankings again, or did you expressly ask for a resumption of the DD lifestyle?

 

By the way, it isn’t lost on me that last week’s discussion drifted into a series of comments about witnesses. I experience the same fascination some of the rest of you do regarding the possibility that someone might witness or overhear a spanking.  But, we’ve done variations on the topic so many times, I’m at a loss for how to approach it in any way we haven’t done a dozen times before.  It any of you have new topic suggestions relating to witnesses, please let me know.

 

Have a great week.

51 comments:

  1. We've gone through a similar period of inactivity. I've finally realized that DD in our marriage is a combination of behavioral correction and my need to feel her loving control. In the past we tried maintenance spankings as a way to keep things going. They felt artificial and didn't work for me.

    I think that our FLR/DD is real but, if you will, gamified. My wife likes catching me breaking rules. Punishing me isn't particularly fun for her. She recognizes that spanking me for breaking rules does improve my compliance. In fact, I've learned so well that slips are less and less frequent.

    There appear to be two things we can do about this: She can make more rules, and she can spank me "just because." She's found it hard to come up with more rules. I have one new one that requires me to use the treadmill every day. I will do that. So, she has agreed to "just because" spankings when she decides I need reminding of her role and that she has taken me in hand. These spankings will be just as severe as punishments. I hope this works for us.

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    1. I've had the same issue with maintenance -- something about it feels too artificial.

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    2. My wife likes to spank me "just because," but I really don't like it because it is missing the connection to a behavior or attitude or something. There is no doubt that she can make it hurt, but it just isn't the same for me if there is no underlying reason.

      -ZM

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  2. We are still in a long hiatus from FLR/DD that started during the events that led to the diagnosis, and treatment, of prostate cancer.
    We have recently, even last night, began discussing creating mutual lists of spankable offenses. The stumbling block has, my thinking on this has been binary. An event happened or it didn't. Example from our early days: either I did or did not leave the toilet seat up. She wants to include less obvious events, such as when I say something that hurts her feelings, and I just don't see how to measure that in a yes-no kind of way, other than accepting her say so, but I see that leading to arguments. Did Not! Did So!
    The discussion has been tabled, for the time being.

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    1. Rather than making my own reply, I'll just add to what Shilo has written.

      When it comes to my emotions, let's just say that Shilo is oblivious. His words and actions often cut me to my core and will more often than not lead to tears. I do my best to explain that hurting my feelings affects me more than the toilet seat being up, and I don't know that he will ever be more considerate of how I feel, but I will keep trying.

      Yes, it's been tabled for now, but working on our communication skills is a priority, so I'm sure we will get back to it soon.

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    2. This difference in perspectives illustrates one of the points I was trying to make with my post, though I articulated it differently. Our DD has always been focused on what Shilo calls "binary" offenses. Because those kind of offenses have dropped precipitously, focusing on them alone probably would end our DD entirely.

      But, the point that Merry is making and that I was getting at with my "respect" example is, I don't think that whether I have two beers or three has the slightest impact on our relationship, and neither does some of the other "spankable" stuff we have focused on from time to time. On the other hand, not listening when she's talking, rolling my eyes dismissively to points she's making -- those kind of things can have a BIG impact on the relationship, yet she hasn't really done that much over the years to address those behavioral issues that probably affect her the most.

      As for disputes arising, would they? If the behavior itself is "binary"--you either did it or you didn't--is the argument then about whether her reaction to what you did is justified? I get how arguments could arise around that, though it seems like it would be not about whether she feels a certain way but whether she should. Now, I don't dismiss the possibility that some people's reactions to common relationship issues are over the top or inconsistent, in which case they probably shouldn't be in charge in the first place. But, if that is not an issue, then it seems like you kind of have to accept that if your partner is saying you hurt her feelings, you did.

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    3. We have the same issue with respect offenses. She hates if I interrupt her or act like a know-it-all, but she doesn't spank me for acting this way. I think that to her, maybe to other women, DD is a game of "Catch and Spank." She always spanks me for forgetting to set up the coffee pot, for example. It's too emotionally loaded to punish me for disrespect. Too bad.

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    4. My wife tends to simply not think to go to spanking for many things like this. She has spanked me for attitude a number of times, but that is more for general grumpiness or having an unhealthy negative attitude, and not for disrespecting her.

      However, I think that if she did think of it in the moment, she would not hesitate to use spanking for something like this. She prefers at least slightly significant issues precisely because it is at least somewhat emotionally loaded. She doesn't like to spank me for tiny oversights because it feels petty to her.

      -ZM

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    5. That is an issue with Anne too -- she often just doesn't think about spanking as a "go to" tool when something I do pisses her off.

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  3. We are in this situation now and have been a while. It’s all due to her health issues. She makes comments on what’s going to happen when she gets better. So we’re working on things. JR

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    1. Thanks JR, for the reminder that health issues from both ends of the paddle can affect these relationships.

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  4. We went through a sizable one a few months ago and it was weird for me because it coincided with a huge uptick in punishments from Nickki. So I was still getting whacked but I missed my Rosa doing it. I will be writing about this on my own blog soon, but that changed after my Covid recovery. I have gotten two spankings with more on the horizon. The first was a short 50, but hurt like the devil since I was so out of practice. The next though was 400! In one session with only short breather-breaks. I am due to get three future installments of about 333 each.

    The thing is it was that short 50, one that I asked for, almost kind of pushed for, and which had little actual reason behind it that got the ball rolling. My advice is break the ice. (wisdom always sounds official when it rhymes.) Just talk to Anne and go for it. It's amazing what that shake-up can shake loose. It's like finally lifting the sofa cushions after having just superficially vacuumed for a long period. LOL

    And don't get hung up on reasons for that ice-breaker! Once the ball gets rolling again the reasons will pour forth soon enough. LOL

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    1. I know you are probably right, though asking for one is always hard! Especially when I can't help but consider the reality you point out that the level of pain is directly correlated to how long it has been since the last one.

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  5. I hope you take that last line of advice from KD. It's like the long walk across the gym to ask that pretty girl for a dance. It's also like Wayne, the Great One, Gretzky said "You miss every shot you don't take."

    There was a period for us like that, and she knew perfectly and completely, that I was needing and wanting some disciplinary attention. But I had done something that really bothered her and she acted disinterested until I finally asked.

    She always told me that I was free to ask any time and she'd take care of it. But I was, and probably still am, a choker when it comes to saying the words straight out. Don't be a choker - it's a losing position and a waste of time on life's short journey.

    Besides, the little brat in you totally deserves a good licking, right?

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    1. Kd and Tomy are offering very good advice: inertia tends to more inertia. I think that’s the fourth law of thermodynamics or something like that. We have gone through periods like that and as I look back they were really plateaus along the way. We hit a big one when she felt almost all of my misbehavior was under control. Eventually I "convinced" her it wasn't but getting her brush out again (and using it) ignited all the old feelings that had led us to DD in the first place. I think the lulls are pretty common and even healthy in long term relationships
      Alan

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    2. "But I was, and probably still am, a choker when it comes to saying the words straight out." I totally get this, and the reasons why. Asking for it is harder than it sounds, isn't it? We also have never had an express understanding that I can ask for one, though I don't think she would object to that being the rule.

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    3. Alpha to Omega for the DWC was COMMUNICATION.

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  6. Dan,
    Re: new approaches to witnesses’ discussion.
    Witnessing a spanking is often part of the F/M spanking fantasy initially pushed by male spankee’s but later supported by at least some of those wives and girlfriends. It would be very interesting to hear the thinking of wives or girlfriends who administer or have administered witnessed spankings as to their motivation beyond fulfilling the male fantasy (and maybe that isn’t even the major motivation) A few years ago there was a woman blogger, (Diane), who published an excellent blog recounting her reasoning and experiences spanking her husband (Bob).As I remember she spanked him very early in front of a sister and then expanded that to several other women. Part of her motivation in using witnesses seemed to be mentoring as I believe at least a couple of the female witnesses were interested in introducing discipline in their own relationships. My impression was also that she utilized witnesses as a disciplinary tool in managing his behavior. It seemed mentoring was a big element in Aunt Kay’s DWC program too (maybe Tomy will comment on that). In any case this seems to be an area unexplored: the motivation and thinking - beyond playing to their partner’s fantasy - of wives or girlfriends who use witnesses. What is in it for the disciplinary wife?
    Alan

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    1. For me it's less about instruction and more a thrill for both my husband and I to demonstrate my dominance in front of other women. It is also fun introducing them to the concept of harder discipline for a hubbie.

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    2. Julie,
      Thanks for the insight. The dominance display does resonates although I really “thrill” more to the results of that dominance display by revealing my obedience and acceptance of her discipline. I do have a question though: in introducing a witness to the concept of harder discipline, are you teaching her or reinforcing him, or maybe both? I strongly associate the presence of a witness with very hard spanking but I have never resolved whether she does it because I pushed her to the point she used a witness or if she was performing for the witness.
      Alan

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    3. What’s in it for the disciplinary wife is the pertinent question to me. In my mind, the scene is centered on what she thinks. If making it public is her idea to impose more effective discipline, then I’m excited by that. If she just enjoys my embarrassment about being punished, that’s good reason enough. If she’s mentoring or displaying her dominance, her power to discipline is magnified in that leadership role. For me, I guess it’s just a bizarre kind of exhibitionism and being at the center of humiliating attention, where the fantasy is pleasure but the reality is pain. In any case, I want it to be instigated by her desire. It’s a pleasure to know what a female gets out of it beyond fulfilling the fetishes of her partner.

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    4. Hi Brett,
      That is ultimately what we all want: the women in our life taking action, making decisions and initiating discipline BECAUSE she want to do so and cares enough or has enough confidence to carry our that intention.That can be thrilling ( as well as a little scary) but it really penetrates deeply into the male psyche. We want our women to use their authority even when we put up resistance or objections ( maybe especially then). It takes a very special women to understand this, convoluted as it can be. But apparently many of us are lucky enough to be with such a women. Bully for us
      Alan

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    5. Hi Alan,
      Excellent angle on witnesses! And in fact the whole "her motivation" issue applies not only to witnesses, but to DD in general. It always comes down to "what's in it for her?"

      I think (but don't know) that in most cases the initial motivation for most wives for DD is almost always to fulfill his fantasy. But then I think the motivations can get much more diverse as time passes. I think that when your wife realizes that SHE can benefit from DD, that is when it all starts to get pretty real. And for those who have been here long, they might know that for me "reality vs. fantasy" is one of the key things I think about.

      In the specific case of witnesses, no doubt if my wife ever did this it would be mostly to fulfill a fantasy for me (or at least I think it is a fantasy!). However, she also always wanted to be an actress, and she kind of gets a kick out of exercising power, so there is little question that she would also love to exert her power in front of an audience (presumably of 1)!

      But then if it were to ever happen - however unlikely it might be - it would be very interesting to see if it ever happened again, and if so what her motivation might be. After it happened once, my desire to do it would go way down and it would be much less of a fantasy for me, I assume. At the same time, she would then know exactly what the dynamic was and what effect it had, so if she ever did it again it might be that I would absolutely NOT want it to happen again, and she would either want the thrill of showing her power in front of someone else, or it could be that she would see just how humbling it was for me, and would want to do that to enhance the punishment.

      Anyway, motivations are always incredibly complex but fascinating!

      And for your last post here, I agree on each and every point. This totally resonates with me on every level.

      -ZM

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    6. Hi Julie,
      I am pretty sure that if my wife ever did have a witness, she would get a huge charge out of openly showing her dominance (though we have a pretty conventional relationship that just happens to include DD and some crazy stuff, so she is not normally dominant).

      I shudder to think of how hard she would spank if there were at witness, but I am absolutely sure that it would be a lot harder than usual, which is more than hard enough.

      And Brett,
      "For me, I guess it’s just a bizarre kind of exhibitionism and being at the center of humiliating attention, where the fantasy is pleasure but the reality is pain." - I think you just pretty well nailed what real DD is like, at least for me!

      -ZM

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    7. "I think (but don't know) that in most cases the initial motivation for most wives for DD is almost always to fulfill his fantasy." For us, it was kind of the opposite. We had done some very limited role playing with spanking, and she became concerned that by giving fake spankings for sometimes real bad behavior as part of sexual foreplay, she was reinforcing the bad behavior. So, she stopped it entirely. The whole thing she found attractive about the DWC as portrayed in the stories on the website and in Aunt Kay's advice was that the spankings were NOT designed to serve the husband's fantasies and were focused on real punishment for real bad behavior. At that point in time, she had zero interest in serving my fantasies but lots of interest in getting a real point across.

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    8. The way DD works as an ideal in my head is that my wife and I share a complementary fetish. Our fantasies are similar, and we’re both fulfilled by acting them out. It’s never a fake spanking, because we know what we’re doing. There’s no illusion about anything. Spanking works because, if it’s to address bad behavior, the message is clear. I want to correct it because she’s made her point in an agonizingly emphatic way, a powerfully symbolic way, and I feel bad about my actual failure. Real shame and pain is motivation to change regardless of how well the scene fits our fantasies. I’m not into intentionally trying to earn punishment, so bad behavior is never being reinforced. The sexual fulfillment is greatly heightened because her fantasies are brought to life as well, and her fetishes also don’t alter her sincere intent to modify behavior.

      I can see how that wouldn’t work for everyone - if the motivation to be spanked is greater than the motivation to avoid it. Like in a case with witnesses, the fantasy is good, the reality is bad, but should it become reality…? I imagine there would be excitement involved in the anticipation and the memory. I might enjoy having experienced it, but it still is what it is — frightening. If that doesn’t help motivate me to see things the right way, then nothing will beyond a more persuasive argument.

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    9. Hi Dan: "The whole thing she found attractive about the DWC as portrayed in the stories on the website and in Aunt Kay's advice was that the spankings were NOT designed to serve the husband's fantasies and were focused on real punishment for real bad behavior. At that point in time, she had zero interest in serving my fantasies but lots of interest in getting a real point across."

      I can see that I used a poor choice of words. I probably shouldn't have said that in almost every case her initial motivation is his fantasy, but rather that in almost every case it is him who feels the desire or need to be spanked, and she is trying to make that a reality.

      The word "fantasy" carries the wrong connotations for many (most?). For me, it all works because I think I have a fantasy/fetish for receiving real punishments for real offenses. There is unquestionably a sexual component to it for me, but there must be a real underlying cause.

      Anyway, I suspect that many wives here start into DD because their husband wants/needs this, so it starts more about him. But over time that can easily morph into being something she does partly or mostly because she wants to, likes to, or gains some benefit from it. And that is when reality hits a whole new level...!

      And Brett, I agree that ideally you and your wife would share a complimentary fetish, but it has been my experience with my wife that initially it was all my desire, but over time I have been incredibly fortunate that she has really started to want to do this, not just to please me or satisfy some need of mine.

      -ZM

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    10. ZM, I agree there is a sexual component for me. And, over time, I think Anne has developed one, too. I agree with you though, that for me the sexual component hinges on the spanking being for something real. Spanking as a stand-alone sexual activity really doesn't do anything for me.

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  7. Yes Alan, Mentoring was huge for Aunt Kay. I saw some of it in-person, but mostly she talked to the women privately. If she was on the phone with one of them; which usually was for a long conversation, I had to respect the privacy, which I scrupulously did despite the great temptation to "casually listen in" from nearby Ha.

    I also know for a fact that some of the other wives did it too.

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    1. Tomy,
      Thanks for the note. Her mentoring of other women and couples must have been extensive. Just casually I have read several testimonies from those who experienced it. She really started a revolution that keeps growing today. I don’t doubt that F/M relationships have always existed but almost exclusively in the closest or a closely held secret. She changed that so that now we are openly communicating (like on this blog) and understand our wonderful kink. It’s more and more OK to be a spanko and judging from the internet more are becoming interested in it. She made a lot of that happen
      Alan

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    2. Thanks for that Alan - it's deeply appreciated.

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    3. I agree. Much of DD today is shaped by Aunt Kay and the DWC.

      -ZM

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  8. As I recall sharing on here previously I put a stop to things for about 8 months starting in summer 2019. My reasoning was not my ebb and flows but Mrs GLM lack of interest in growing our varient and this making me frustrated. It was in retropect a mistake. Whilst we are back to pre sabbatical conditions the growth and development remains stifiled. What is different is I missed what we did do and am glad we at least have that back. Cheers GLM.

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    1. Yeah, each break does tend to result in things going, at best, back to baseline. They really screw up any momentum that had been building up

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  9. I think your idea of a reset is what you need right now Dan.
    My wife and I are in a similar position due to covid knocking out our routines , ─║ack of time , fatigue, you name it , so we will be doing the same when the time is right , but sooner rather than later as you mentioned.
    I started sending my wife , some light hearted hints about her neglecting discipline a few weeks ago and happily she picked up on them.
    Now it's just waiting for the right moment, but it is something positive to look forward to!
    I'm sure your wife feels the same way and wants a reset as much as you do.

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    1. I've had the same experience with Covid, though it is so counter-intuitive. One would think that we would have more time, and more incentive, for DD-related activities given the lockdowns, but it hasn't worked out that way. It's the same with non-DD activities; I'm quite disappointed at how little I have accomplished despite having more time on my hands thanks to no commute, no business travel, etc.

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    2. Dan: every time I hear that from people......and you are NOT alone, I just scratch my head in consternation. There must be an underlying reason for it since it is not an isolated issue, but I'll be damned if I can wrap my head around it. I just repainted the bedroom this week, in addition to some other things. Where some can't seem to get started, I have difficulty in stopping. (and I am recovered enough to do these things safely). I am curious as to why you think you have had this malaise?

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    3. I honestly don't know. Part of it is almost like ADD -- I jump from one distraction to the next, including spending WAY too much time on-line. I think it also reflects something I've said before - I envy your hobbies and don't have enough of them myself. I really don't like home repair and improvement kind of things, and I tend to screw them up. So, if a room needs painting, I tend to outsource it. During the summer and fall, I actually was spending a lot of time puttering around my garage, working on motorcycles, installing peg boards and imposing some order for the first time. But, when winter came along, that stopped. I think I need to start keeping some kind of log to see where all the time is going. I've started noticing that by the time I get up, make breakfast, voraciously consume news on the 'net, check this blog, take the dogs for a walk, do my home-based physical therapy, and shower, most of my morning is gone.

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  10. Dan,
    "Have you had a long-ish period in which you stopped your DD or FLR practices entirely? Why did that happen? What led to getting back on track?"

    We had light M/f DD when we were first married. When the kids came along it fell by the wayside, to a large extent, until they got older and my hubby and I had new privacy that came with a weekend house when the kids were not there. It stayed pretty much the same. When the kids both moved out we gradually fell back into DD and a more stricter FLR, which my husband had expressed interest in. We love our kids visiting but enjoy our privacy.

    This past weekend we celebrated his birthday. I gave my husband a nice gift but I also dominated his entire weekend by having him be my attendant, servant, cook and, of course, lover. He was restricted to our home and did as he was told for me, the head of the household. He wore panties I selected for him. He received birthday discipline and he was unmercifully teased both verbally and physically. He told me loved it all. We'll do this for my birthday in a couple of months and whatever other time I decide. Privacy is absolutely required for DD and our FLR. We'd feel uncomfortable otherwise.
    Carol H.

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    1. Oh boy...I meant
      "We had light F/m DD when we were first married.

      Have a great weekend...
      Carol H.

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    2. Yeah, that does change the meaning just a little. ;-)

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  11. Back to WITNESSING, sort of...

    This involves witnessing. But it was my dream last night.
    I was with some friends and for some reason we entered an apartment I was familiar with. Not sure why I took them there, but then the woman whose place it was came home and found me there. She immediately grabbed a braided belt and began violently whipping my butt with it. I was standing and she was incredibly mad.

    My friends were horrified and I think were going to go for help. But I gestured that everything was OK. As intense as she was being, I didn’t feel anything.
    When I woke up, I figured it was triggered by a photo I recently saw on another blog of a woman holding a braided strap and taking a selfies. That photo was the ultimate “wait until you get home, you bad boy” image.

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    1. I've recounted a couple of spanking-related dreams here, but it's interesting how seldom I have such dreams, given what a big part of my life DD has been for several years now.

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    2. Yeah, me too. It is very rare that anything spanking-related happens in a dream, which is most surprising considering how often it crosses my mind during my waking hours.

      And Tomy, even more strange, I too had a "witnessed" scene in a dream about a month back, or at least they knew I was being taken into the other room for a spanking.

      BTW, for me, witnesses are just a step further than someone knowing, but I kind of lump that all into the same category since I imagine the feelings for the one being spanked are similar in either case.

      I was very surprised considering I almost never have anything spanking related in dreams, or at least dreams that I remember. I guess the witness thing is just really burned into my brain!

      -ZM

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    3. ZM,
      “Witnesses are just a step further than someone knowing, but I kind of lump that all into the same category” We almost always agree but on this one, there is a difference for me. Someone”knowing“that you are spanked and actually witnessing it are different experiences. Probably half a dozen people “know” as opposed to one woman actually seeing and hearing it (two lifetime). The single witness, my wife’s sister knew quite a while but it wasn’t talked about and more than someone knowing something private about me (not public knowledge) but not a huge deal and maybe just kinky sex which I “knew” she was interested in when younger. But actually being disciplined (not just spanked) in front of her was a kind of defining moment several levels more intense than just her knowing. Just knowing is tacit, ambiguous and a little abstract. But it happening in front of a witness is real, tangible and undeniable. If you had a prior relationship with the witness, it changes that relationship (a positive change for me) and it does change the DD relationship too (again, positive for me). But someone just knowing does not have that kind of impact.
      Alan

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    4. I’m the same. It’s interesting that, despite thinking about it almost every day, I don’t remember ever having a dream of actual spanking. Maybe a few times the idea of it was floating around the edges of a dream, but very rare. I wish it happened. A dream, in a way, is like a real experience.

      Also, at least for me, growing up, the difference between someone seeing a spanking and just knowing about it was monumental. Someone outside the immediate family as a live participant in the event sticks in the memory like a thorn, or like a wound that remains, a scab oddly pleasurable to be picked at.

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  12. Hi Alan,
    As seems to be the case with everything I am writing this week, I am probably not expressing myself very well. I experienced my first loss of a sibling a couple of days ago (way too young), and so I think my head is still in a fog.

    I don't have any experience with either people knowing (or at least not knowing for sure though a couple might suspect something), and certainly haven't had any witnesses, so I really don't know how the two things compare. Thank you for talking a bit about your experiences.

    Since I don't know if either people knowing for sure or witnesses will ever actually happen, I am of course most curious about just what it is like. The reason I lumped them together - from my position of inexperience - is because I assume they both have similar feelings, though as you said quite different in how intense it is.

    I understand what you are saying about how somebody "knowing" is still ambiguous, since at that point, no matter what they have been told, it is still defined by how they envision it, but once they witness it, it is concrete and they just see it exactly as it is, not how they imagine.

    Anyway, thanks for your response!

    -ZM

    BTW Dan, in response to your: "I’m at a loss for how to approach it in any way we haven’t done a dozen times before. If any of you have new topic suggestions relating to witnesses, please let me know." I don't have any great topic suggestions related to witnesses in particular, but based on Alan's writings this week, there a few possibilities that could maybe further explored:
    - What is the motivation of the spanker to either tell someone or have a witness
    - and does that change over time if it is repeated
    - What are the barriers to telling people or having witnesses
    - Fear of indiscretion?
    - Fear of how they will react (to telling them)?
    - Think of who you might tell or have as a witness. How do you think they would react?
    - How do you think you would feel in either of these two scenarios?
    - How do you think it would change your relationship with the person who knows or the witness?
    - How do you think it would change your DD relationship?
    - Do you have any friends who you think could have an FLR or DD relationship?
    - If so, what makes you think that?
    - And so on... :-)

    And obviously for those who have experienced it (from either end of the paddle) or who have ever actually witnessed a spanking, it would change from what you think to what you know!


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    1. ZM, I'm very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

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    2. ZM, very sorry for your loss. I lost a younger sister not long ago and I still think of her every day.BTW your prospective topics/questions for Dan are good ones. It seems to be a topic of wide interest.
      Alan

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    3. This "kinky little blog" has also become something of a virtual village. And as a fellow villager, I offer you my most sincere condolences and hope you can feel, even a little bit, that your grief is shared.

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  13. Hi Brett - "I wish it happened. A dream, in a way, is like a real experience." I was just thinking the same thing when I read Tomy's post. I wish I could have many more spanking related dreams (and everything else that exists in my kinky mind) and be able to remember those dreams, since it would give me the experiences without any of the complications!

    -ZM

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