Sunday, August 30, 2020

The Club - Meeting 353 - From Obligation to Enjoying Her Power

“There are no good girls gone wrong - just bad girls found out.” -  Mae West

 

Hello all.  Welcome bac to the Disciplined Husbands Forum. Our weekly gathering of men and women participating or interested in Domestic Discipline Relationships. I hope you had a good week.

 

Mine felt like – just another week in 2020.  Hurricanes.  Police killings leading to protests. Teenagers with AR-15s gunning down protesters. Quarantines and locking yourself up in your own home seem like pretty good ideas right now. I guess social distancing at least has led to some new and interesting fashion trends.

 

  

That was a good discussion last week.  Consent is, I think, one of the most difficult and nuanced issues that comes up in this group, and it always stimulates some interesting viewpoints.  While there were some great comments, I didn’t see a lot of hooks for a new topic this week.  So, I’ll set consent aside for now and, instead, go back to a comment from a few weeks ago.  In describing her own transition from an admittedly 1950s style wife to a swinger of a disciplinary paddle, Liz observed:

 

I do think I slipped into my disciplinarian role quite easily, but I assumed that was because spanking was so prevalent in my family that it was not considered a big deal. So it is interesting to hear that other women without my background also have been able to adopt the role easily. Maybe it is not that hard to act parental towards men who act childish!

 

A few years back, we had another regular female commenter, Marisa, who like Liz came to DD in an attempt to fix a problematic marriage.  But, unlike Liz, Marisa attributed her ability to adopt DD so readily in part to her naturally dominant personality.  As she put it: 

 

We found our way to DD through a crisis in our marriage, the next step would have been marriage counseling if we had not tried discipline. I am aggressive and take charge and that personality trait can't be taught.

 

In my own DD journey, Anne took to giving disciplinary spankings pretty easily, though unlike Liz she thought the whole thing was kind of weird.  At first, she probably was doing little more than accommodating my request that she give it a try. Over time, I think she came to see it as an outlet; a tool she could use to show to get a sense of “payback” or resolution when I got out of line. Today, she says she actually enjoys making me strip down and bend over the ottoman.  She has told me that it is really that pre-spanking exercise of power that she enjoys, but I think over time she has come to actually enjoy actually blistering my ass.  She actually seems disappointed these days when I’m not marked or bruised the next day.

 

 

How about for the rest of our Disciplinary Wives? How readily did you take to your role in the DD relationship?  Was it something you slid into pretty easily, as Liz did thanks to her pre-existing exposure to DD?  Or was it a slower or rockier transition?  Over the course of that journey, where have you ended up in terms of your approach to DD and how it makes you feel?

 

Is it basically just another chore or duty?

 

 

Or, is it something you’ve come to actually enjoy doing?  To the extent you do enjoy it, what is it that you like about it?   

 

 

Do you have any hints for how your fellow Disciplinary Wives who may have mixed feelings about it can come to actively enjoy the role, particularly given all the negative soclialization that women are subjected to where power and authority are concerned?

 

Have a great week.

56 comments:

  1. New firefox browser hence no pic. I will be very interested in any tips on how Mrs GL could be enthused to go from chore attitude to fully engaged please. Her inability to ever discuss heart/sensual matters is a barrier. I take what I get with gratitude but know their could be so much more to come. Cheers GLM.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My wife came to DD because I requested it. She started out very tentative and didn't really "take to it" for a long time. I know she did it to accommodate a need of mine. It's taken over three years for her to finally get to the point that she is willing to punish me for things that I do that upset her. She's said that she still is unsure about exactly what level of misbehavior earns me a spanking. She's committed to our disciplinary relationship. I think an important aspect of it that doesn't get much discussion is just what behavior, or should I say what level of misbehavior, earns punishment in a marriage? How is it decided?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. By discussing it is what I would say. Art and I agreed that we are addressing his arrogance. He asked for preventative paddlings, and that is what we mostly do. But we also agreed that I get to decide when his arrogance warrants further punishment, since I can recognize it more objectively than he can.
      You have to communicate.
      Liz

      Delete
    2. Hi Cagedlion,
      You said: "I think an important aspect of it that doesn't get much discussion is just what behavior, or should I say what level of misbehavior, earns punishment in a marriage? How is it decided?"

      I think this is a common problem in DD relationships. One of the challenges of punishing adults is that they are emotionally stronger and also are more able to endure physical pain than are children. Consequently, for a spanking to be a punishment for an adult, it generally needs to be at least somewhat hard, compared to a what would be punishment for a child child, who often in is in tears before a single spank is felt.

      Since most people have a certain sense of fairness, this can be a barrier because in order for a spanking to be a real punishment, it must be hard, but often the behavior being corrected is quite minor so the punishment doesn't really seem to fit the crime.

      I know that my wife struggles with that as well. Right now, we are doing an extended "boot camp" type thing where she really ramps up her expectations and accountability. Since we are doing that, and since the purpose is to greatly increase my attention to detail and self-discipline, she can be much stricter than normal without feeling as bad about it.

      Anyway, I don't really have an answer for this, but only a few thoughts that I have mentioned before. First off, giving a big punishment for a little thing seems unfair unless you consider that by addressing the little things, you fix the big things too. Secondly, punishment is a bit more binary (like you either get punished or not), whereas misbehavior is more linear, ranging from very minor to very major. So if you just barely cross the punishment threshold, the spanking will probably be a bit more than the crime calls for, but it is offset by all the times that you don't quite make it up to the punishment threshold where nothing happens at all.

      -ZM

      Delete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I never knew when to expect spankings from my wife. She kept me guessing.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is a really great topic! It took me quite some time to get my wife past her initial feeling that she "just can't" to the point that she has adopted which is "WTH....if it's what you need, I'll do it for you". But for now she isn't that into the idea of actually "punishing me". I see that as the next step of the DD evolution and then from there the last step of her then starting to enjoy it. So any thoughts or experience on how you got from one of these stages to the next would be great!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Darren,
      It seems to me like you are on the right track. As I mentioned below, in the beginning my wife would spank me but to her it really was just a game. Only as she started to see that it actually changed things did she start to view it as being a bit more real. Probably most impactful was when she observed that it could change my thinking and mindset, rather than just behaviors. Behavior is relatively easy to change with conditioning but changing thinking is sometimes harder, and DD was able to do this for us.

      Now that she is viewing it as more real, and especially now that we are using it to try to make me more self-disciplined and make our life more orderly with less chaos, she is starting to think of other ways she can use it. It is this "making it her own" that really transforms things, where it moves from just fulfilling my fantasy in the beginning to using it to actually improve our lives and relationship.

      -ZM

      Delete
    2. "WTH....if it's what you need, I'll do it for you" seems like a decent start

      Delete
  6. My Dominant Mistress/Life partner was widowed about 2 years prior to meeting me. Her marriage was male led, but being a strong woman herself, she pulled herself up and took to leadership quite easily. I came along after a long divorce to a NYC pro Domme and a full 24/7 DD marriage. After some dating we became serious and began to discuss a life together without marriage, mostly for economic reasons. I had explained my past and said I wanted an FLR and DD household. I wondered if she could take up that role. Being a school teacher and two years of being on her own, she assured me she could take the lead. Again, I stressed that discipline was part of the lifestyle. She put me at ease by stating 'Don't worry, I know how to spank". She proved that by spanking me on day one of our life together. I won't say she enjoys the spanking, but make no mistake, she knows when I need discipline and has no issue with a long hard bare bottom spanking. This all was over 11 years ago and since then we have lived together in a 24/7 FLR and DD household. We both like the situation and are very happy with the DD lifestyle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think teachers and school officials are very likely to become spankers in their personal lives. Police officers and judges as well.
      Liz

      Delete
    2. This is interesting, suggesting as you do that certain occupations are more likely to produce spankers, presumably linked to the authority their day jobs provide .( although it is also possible people with a lot of everyday authority may be interested in the power exchange that spanking often produces. I don't know of any formal research bearing on the relationship between spanking and occupations. although there is some anecdotal evidence that spanking may be more common among police officers and military personnel, ( in the former case ( cops) the interest in spanking might be more the spankee that the disciplinarian). None of this is very scientific although the question as you present it could be interesting to research. In my own limited personal experience people from the medical fields are attracted to spanking.
      Alan

      Delete
    3. In the early days of this blog, back in 2014, I did a poll on the occupations of our readers. The results were:


      Doctor/Medical Provider: 3 (2%)
      Lawyer: 13 (12%)
      Accountant: 4 (3%)
      Teacher: 5 (4%)
      Other Profession: 14 (13%)
      Business Executive: 12 (11%)
      Business Non-Executive5 (4%)
      Engineer/Technology: 17 (15%)
      Business Owner: 16 (14%)
      Other: 18 (16%)

      As I noted at this time, this poll was about as unscientific as it could possibly be, suffering from among other things: a small number of respondents (107), a self-selected set of respondents (107 "volunteers) out of however many readers I had back in 2014), selection bias on my part in choosing the categories, and I didn't ask respondents to identify their gender.

      Delete
    4. I have no idea what the breakdown might be for DD, but I can certainly speculate that it might be easier for anyone who feels in their day job that their hands are tied when addressing injustice to be open to hold a willing recipient accountable for their actions and deliver punishment when appropriate.

      Teachers are a natural for this, since they have to put up with a lot in their classrooms and often unless things get really bad, there isn't much they can do. And people at all levels of law enforcement and the criminal justice system routinely see justice denied. And even in business, people have to put up with a lot and often see the most unworthy people not only not punished, but instead promoted.

      Also, I can say at least for me that I am a technical person, and I often am frustrated that the world isn't always logical, and that the connection between cause and effect is often tenuous at best.

      Anyway, not sure how that translates to numbers, but it is easy to imagine quite a few people in different professions that might be attracted to the "justice delivered" or the very clear cause/effect element of DD.

      Delete
    5. I can see teachers being naturals because they basically have to keep unruly, undisciplined people in check through authority and force of will.

      For me, I think work is a major cause of my desire to be a DD *recipient* and *not* a disciplinarian. I am definitely one of those men who is attracted to DD because I have to show such control and exercise so much responsibility in my work life that I feel a need to give up that control in my personal life just to balance things out. Also, I do think that DD has, maybe paradoxically, made me a better manager not by making me more sympathetic but actually less so. I used to really struggle with holding people accountable, and I also tended to water down directions to make it seem less like orders coming from on high. I just didn't get that there are a lot of employees who really do not respond well to that and need/want tight, authoritative instructions. I also think that being held to rules myself made me less prone to put up with excuses.

      Delete
  7. There is no doubt my wives enjoys , sometimes even revels in , the empowerment DD gives her . She tries to be serious but the satisfied smile on her face when she is about to dish out a spanking cannot be concealed.
    She loves to issue the command to undress and either bend over or go over her lap.
    The top position seems to have settled in as her favourite now , as it accentuates her power while diminishing mine.
    She takes great pride in how red she can make my butt and clearly loves to tease me about it.
    It makes me happy that she is happy , rather her just carrying out a task which was what her demeanour was at the beginning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mine also seems to get the most enjoyment out of the command to get ready and bend over.

      Delete
    2. I suspect our wives are also smiling as they paddle our backsides , but as all we can see is the floor we will never know. She certainly looks very content and happy once the spanking is over , like someone who is proud of a job well done.

      Delete
  8. It wasn't really "rocky", it was more trial and error to get to something husband (then boyfriend) would submit to. It actually grew out of chastity I was using for another reason, but then saw its value as a disciplinary tool to deal with one particular habit of his I didn't like. Husband (still boyfriend at the time) was having a hard time with submitting to chastity, so I went to spanking.

    What's funny is it also took spanking to get me to take to my role as a disciplinarian. I wasn't doing so good at it just using chastity. By the time I had him across my lap for the second time during the first Disciplinary Session, I'd taken to it and knew this was the way to deal with husband's poor deportment. (I like to use formal and school words as a Disciplinarian).

    I'm naturally a bossy lady, anyhow, so I'm not surprised I took to it so fast. It's the only time I really get to be bossy in my marriage.

    For me, I had to understand that I needed to take on this role for my benefit. So I'd tell the ladies who are reluctant to take on this role consider what's in it for them. Since i realize this is more about me than him, it's not a chore. It's something I enjoy doing. It's also been so effective that sometimes I tell husband I'm going to have to make new rules for him to make sure he takes a trip across my lap at least 3 times a month, preferably once a week.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh what would I give up to be spanked once a week?

      Delete
    2. Miss Cecilia,
      This raise a question that may apply to many couples in a DD relationship. You have discussed chastity apparently with the use of some physical device as something you apparently used very early and still do use. But now you seem to be saying if I understand you that it was the use of spanking that really brought it all together for you. So my question is do you think a wife or girlfriend could skip or dispense with chastity (which I understand as basically managing when and how a man can orgasm whether a physical device is used or it’s the “honor system”)? Re the use of chastity there seems to be a range of views from female disciplinarians from those who consider it essential to DD to those who allow their partner complete freedom. Given what you have discovered about the efficacy of spanking, does using chastity become an option or do you consider it still necessary. Thanks
      Alan

      Delete
    3. Yes, I always used devices and still do.

      It was spanking that brought it all together.

      Chastity is just another method I can use to discipline husband in addition to spanking, humiliation, corner time or chores. It's also a way to enforce my Authority and remind husband of it. Another use has been to control masturbation.

      I originally used it as security early in our relationship. I couldn't believe I'd actually gotten this guy. He used to have to fight off the women while I didn't get a lot of dates. My job sometimes has me working nights, but that's no reason he can't go out. I was afraid he'd get a couple of drinks in him and some hussy would take him home with her. At first, I asked him to wear my panties under his jeans. He didn't like doing that when he went to the bar. I was wondering what to do to give me some peace of mind when my best friend pointed out chastity cages. He agreed to it. While I'm not insecure about him anymore, if i have to work and he's going out, I still lock him up. I think even there, it's less security and has become more my Authority.

      I've read about the honor system and I understand the dynamic behind it, "She said NO and it's NO". For me, I like symbols and rituals, so I like seeing the device on him. It reminds both him and me of my Authority. In fact, I had him modify 2 of the devices so I could put 2 locks on one and 3 on another.

      Each couple will have to figure out if it will work, if it's necessary or even if they should do it.

      Chastity is simply for me another disciplinary method I have at my disposal. I wouldn't call it a necessity, but, I don't plan to stop using it.

      Delete
    4. Miss Cecilia,
      Thanks for a thoughtful response to my question. In the end thing about chastity as "simply for me another disciplinary method I have at my disposal " sounds like very balanced advice
      Alan

      Delete
    5. OK that has to be pretty hot when he is summoned before he goes out for you to put the cage on him!

      Delete
    6. I know that a good many men (and women) who are into F/M DD are also into enforced chastity - Darren's comment being a perfect example. :) And while Miss Cecilia (and certainly others) view it as simply another disciplinary method, I suspect that most view it as more closely connected to Femdom. The idea has never appealed to either my wife or I, and neither of us really even understand its appeal at all - but then many would never understand the appeal of real disciplinary spankings either, I'm sure. "Your kink is not my kink, but your kink is OK" - I think the manta goes. --al

      Delete
    7. To reiterate Al's sentiment....".it doesn't matter, whatever works for you", so this is in no way said w any degree of judgement but.....yeah, lol I see chastity as "kinky". Was surprised to see you had gone there first. I can't imagine my wife ever getting there because of the "kinkiness", but who knows. The cage was something that not that long ago I thought was completely weird BDSM-esq and way too over the top. Isn't it fascinating, with the internet making this stuff so accessible how your feeling towards certain things can change with exposure. Now the idea of chasity is actually kinda hot! Talk about CONTROL. What more control could a woman have than having taken control over his very manhood....dictating ur own access to it. I mean WOW.

      Delete
    8. Hi Al,
      I can see how enforced chastity could be used to different effect in different situations. If she is using it to prevent masturbation and to build self-control, then it could be viewed as discipline. If she is using chastity infrequently (with or without a physical device) as a direct consequence of an action and for a few days, then it could be a punishment. On the other hand, if it is primarily all about power and control, then I would see it as being more femdom.

      I can't see anything longer term for my wife and I since we have a very, very active sex life compared with what I think is more normal for our ages. So neither of us would want this. But I could see her doing it sometime for a day or two as part of some bigger punishment or something.

      And Darren, no kidding about this being control!

      -ZM

      Delete
  9. How readily did you take to your role in the DD relationship?
    Once I decided to do it, after reading a lot of this blog and asking some questions, I took to it readily.

    Was it something you slid into pretty easily, as Liz did thanks to her pre-existing exposure to DD? Or was it a slower or rockier transition?
    I was very anxious at first. Jimmy had definitely been in the dominant role in our marriage (way too dominant). I also was afraid that he would turn into a sissy and lose his swag if I started spanking him. So it was a little rocky. But after I saw the results in his improved behavior, plus the turn-on for us both ... Wow!

    Over the course of that journey, where have you ended up in terms of your approach to DD and how it makes you feel?
    I have gone from being anxious and doing it because he asked me to to feeling incredibly empowered and actually getting a kick out of being the boss of a big strong macho man.

    Is it basically just another chore or duty? NO!

    Or, is it something you’ve come to actually enjoy doing? YES

    To the extent you do enjoy it, what is it that you like about it?
    The Power. And the power. And then, there's the POWER!
    And he has a cute butt. And he is very subdued afterwards. Very well behaved. Very respectful.

    Do you have any hints for how your fellow Disciplinary Wives who may have mixed feelings about it can come to actively enjoy the role, particularly given all the negative socialization that women are subjected to where power and authority are concerned?
    Being younger than most on here, in my 30s, I have to say that my generation has not been socialized the way previous generations have. Most of the women I know are confident and successful. I was one of the few who was still in the traditional housewife role. And I just had to break out of that. That is not the young woman of today.
    On the other hand, I never would have taken the authority role over Jimmy if he hadn't asked me to. But I think the men of my generation are more in touch with their submissive side.
    For women of previous generations who have been socialized not to have power over your husband, I would say look at the benefits. The benefits to you, I mean. A more polite, more helpful, more attentive husband. Who doesn't want that? So why not enjoy making him that way by whacking his ass? It isn't just a chore when you can have him eating out of your hand. After I have spanked him, Jimmy treats me like a princess. So go for it!
    Belle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Great post, Belle!
      Liz

      Delete
    2. "The Power. And the power. And then, there's the POWER!" Love it!

      Delete
    3. >The Power. And the power. And then, there's the POWER!
      And he has a cute butt. And he is very subdued afterwards. Very well behaved. Very respectful.<

      Well said - my wife would most certainly completely agree with you. "A Like" if it were FB. :) -al

      (Except she might not use the term "cute butt". :) )

      Delete
  10. Hi Dan,
    Great topic as always. Last week’s discussion was great, but you are right that it didn’t yield so many new topics, unlike the week before that which left a ton of to-be-further-explored topics. I guess it means that we stayed on topic better?

    I doubt my wife will ever comment here, though I will continue to encourage it. It just isn’t really her style to comment on any blogs, even though she always asks what the topic is and we talk it over. This week we talked about it while driving back from the sea.

    As I expect is the case for most everyone on here, she started disciplining me at my request. I don’t know that she viewed it as much as an obligation as an opportunity to fulfill my fantasies. Smart husbands and wives would be well advised to always make that a goal, by the way!

    In the beginning, she largely viewed it all as a game, so she loved the role-play element of it from the beginning, since it let her express her inner-actress. But she did struggle with giving hard spankings, and in fact still struggles some. Since we mentioned contradictions last week, I would say that one contradiction that she has is that she doesn’t like to actually see bruises form during the spanking and she cringes every time she looks at my bottom. At the same time, she is always very curious later that day and the next several days if any bruises remain and if it still feels sore, and she is disappointed if all the effects go away too quickly. I think right now she enjoys spanking me, but not necessarily giving hard punishments. If she were mad, however, I think that would all change and she would love dishing out a severe punishment.

    Over time she has come to understood that while the desire for DD is often driven by fantasies, and that while the whole thing is quite sexual, it is also something that works and actually changes my attitudes and behaviors. So DD has transitioned from being just a fantasy of mine to something real that we both benefit from.

    As DD has become more real to her, so has the power and authority. In the beginning, the power felt like part of a game to her, but now she has realized that she wields significant authority, and she can use it to affect change whenever she sees fit. This has been tremendously empowering to her, particularly since as I mentioned previously, she is from a strongly patriarchal society that actively dis-empowers women and she was also previously in a marriage where she had little say or influence.

    As she feels more empowered, she enjoys that feeling of power more, and exercises it more freely. It is a virtuous cycle, since the more she exercises her power, the more empowered she feels.

    In the end, I think that the key is DD needs to actually work (so it must help cause improvement), which requires willingness for us guys to actually change. If you get her to start disciplining you, and she sees a dramatic, lasting improvement in your behaviors and actions, I would be almost willing to bet that she will feel very empowered and that this will eventually result in her exercising her authority a lot more.

    -ZM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Virtuous cycle is a great term.
      Liz

      Delete
    2. While I am not someone who craves, or even likes having, power over others, I definitely get how it become almost addictive.

      Delete
    3. Hi Dan,
      I think for her it is not so much the wielding of absolute power, though I think she does enjoy that sometimes, particularly during femdom roleplay. But what I really think it is the feeling of finally being empowered after too many situations in life in which she didn't feel empowered, or even at times powerless.

      Some people crave power - usually people best avoided - but many others might enjoy power without actually craving it or abusing it, and almost everyone likes to feel empowered to improve their lives.

      -ZM

      Delete
    4. That's a good distinction.

      Regarding how you started with role play and it morphed from there into real DD, ours kind of followed that pattern too but for a very different reason. During the very brief period in which we experimented with erotic spanking, there was a role play element to it, with her giving faux punishment spankings for real offenses. She pretty quickly figured out that by engaging in erotic role play in response to real bad behavior, she was basically reinforcing that bad behavior. So, she stopped that activity entirely. It was a few months later that I discovered the DWC and showed her it with all its examples of giving *real* spankings for real bad behavior.

      Delete
  11. This topic seems harmless enough so here's my succinct response: ;-)

    Rosa is naturally kinky. Her only reluctance was initially wrapping her head around being spanker rather than the spanked. Once she tried it, she was good to go. It was about a year later when she moved in and we began DD, and by then there was no hesitation at all. She not only enjoys her role but finds it logical and natural for who we both are.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :-)

      Mine wasn't quite as comfortable with it as Rosa seems to have been, and she definitely thought it was kind of weird at first. But, it didn't take long for that to pass.

      Delete
  12. Since Dan used my comments for this topic, I don't have a whole lot more to say. I did slip into the role quite easily. It hasn't changed a whole lot. Sometimes it feels like a chore, but sometimes it feels quite intimate. Like most women who spank, I do like the feeling of power and authority. Most of all is the change in my husband's behavior. For us, there would be no point without that.
    Dan, do you have that drawing with the old saying "Behind every successful man is a good woman" but it shows a wife standing behind her husband holding a paddle? That represents very well how Art and I feel about our success in addressing his arrogance. I am quite glad to be that paddle-wielding good woman behind my successful man.
    Liz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Liz. Yep, I have it. I think I actually have multiple versions of it.

      Delete
  13. Joe2 here,

    My wife likes the effects of spanking: reduced stress in her husband, a relaxed family atmosphere, closer communication, etc..., and she loves giving me aftercare. But she does not like the act of spanking me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds a lot like my approach to working out. I don't like it in the moment, but I do like the effects, and hate the effects of *not* doing it.

      Delete
  14. Hello , Dev here. JR and I have been together 30 plus years now. He approached me early in his need to be spanked. I was open and found it novel and fun at first but soon realized it could be more than that. He irritates me often , usually in fun. He knows I dislike improper grammar. ( ask him how many times he’s been spanked for saying ain’t ). It’s not immediate. He gets multiple warnings but then enough is enough and a paddling is given. I never spank when angry. I wait till I calm down. It may be a couple hours or a couple days. But he knows it’s coming. He especially dreads going out to the back storage shed. The most severe situations are discussed there. He will do anything and I do mean anything to get out of it. He’s very afraid of our neighbors seeing or hearing things. I do enjoy the flowers and gifts. The oral pleasure is very nice but that doesn’t change things. Several months ago I had him bend over some tires for a paddling he should still remember. Most are given over my knee. I have many implements like many do. My long handled bath brush does an amazing job. My go to choice is my foot long paddle with the holes drilled. It’s comfy and fits nicely in my hand. Neither of us are familiar with a cane but something we may look into. Sometimes we will record the sound only of the spanking given. It’s effective as a reminder. We don’t do the weekly maintenance spankings any longer. Without a purpose it was simply a beating. The past few months my health has been poor and we haven’t been able to take care of any business. He knows this and takes advantage of the situation. He thinks I forget. He’s soo wrong! When I feel better we are going to have a LONG discussion over my knee. I can’t wait to see his look when I tell him to bring me the paddle ! That will be something worth recording. DR

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Dev. Thanks for sharing this. I am curious, is his fear of the neighbors hearing something that makes you feel more empowered or excited? What is your own reaction or view about the prospect that the neighbors might see or hear a spanking?

      And, yes, once again just reading about a spanking in a shed has gotten me totally fired up. I have no idea why that scenario is so powerful to me, but it definitely is.

      Delete
  15. I also like that look when I send Jimmy for the paddle. It's really quite precious. From a macho man to a naughty little boy in about two seconds.
    Belle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Belle,
      I think that probably many women who are DD wives enjoy seeing that transition from confident man to nervous little boy when they announce a punishment, though a few have went to significant lengths trying to convince us (and presumably themselves) that even while being spanked, he is just as masculine as ever.

      I say to each their own, but I really like the way you are able to fully appreciate the macho guy he is in regular life (his "swag" as you refer to it) and at the same time also appreciate his becoming a naughty little boy when punishment is impeding. I really don't think it is that hard to reconcile those two and I know that is how it works for us.

      -ZM

      Delete
    2. Belle said this "I also like that look when I send Jimmy for the paddle. It's really quite precious. From a macho man to a naughty little boy in about two seconds." and it eventually made me remember some incredibly tender moments with Aunt Kay. There were times after spanking that I would cuddle into her - all my sharp edges sanded away, all my inhibition dissolved, and I would be enfolded in her gracious embrace and we would transcend together. I suspect, if I could ask her, that that was what she liked the best.

      Delete
    3. The transformation is enormous when the brush or other tool of correction appears - from a (sometimes) arrogant alpha male to a chastened naughty little boy. My wife noticed this (as did a former girlfriend) very early in our relationship and sees it as part of the disciplinary process. The "naughty little boy" hides inside within a bluster of male cockiness until he has to face the consequences of his behavior with an impending childish punishment. If the punishment is successful it restores the adult male and the adult relationship. My wife thinks she can tell when that naughty little boy is coming out and that has become (literally) an early warning system for us.
      Alan

      Delete
    4. I must have more that the average 4 % Neanderthal genome because ( after a decent interval) I am libido propelled. There is no sexual experience greater than making love to a woman who just shared the intimacy of discipline with you.
      Alan

      Delete
  16. I think we have a lot to look forward to. We haven't yet cuddled like that or made love after punishment.
    Belle

    ReplyDelete
  17. I want to suggest a possible topic because I am curious about this and believe it is probably much more intense for other couples than it currently is for us: What are the thoughts and feelings that both husband and wife think and feel immediately before and immediately after punishment? Describe them in exquisite detail? Before punishment means from the time a spanking is announced until the first spank lands, so including getting implements, lecture, removal of clothing, positioning of the husband, etc. After punishment means from the moment the last spank lands until the couple is back to normal, including cornertime or any meditation time, putting clothing back on, talk about the punishment, cuddling, sex triggered by the punishment, etc.

    ReplyDelete

This blog is a curated resource for those genuinely and positively interested in DD and FLR lifestyles. Comments that are rude, uncivil, inconsistent with the blog's theme or off-topic may not be posted or may be removed.