“Purification and
redemption are such recurrent themes in ritual because there is a clear and
ubiquitous need for them: we all do regrettable things as a result of our own
circumstances, and new rituals are frequently invented in response to new
circumstances.” ― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That
Can't Stop Talking
Or does she get ready and summon you when it is time?
Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couples
Club. Our weekly gathering of men and
women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships,
mainly of the Female/male variety. I
hope you had a good week.
Last week’s conversation went
in some interesting directions. I was
particularly intrigued by “A husband who knows” description of the level of
control his wife assumed in order to bring out the result she wanted, i.e. substantial
weight loss. That level of control and “laying
down the law” seems so attractive on the surface, yet a few weeks ago I reacted
badly to even less intrusive efforts by my wife. She and I have talked about it since then,
including a lot of talk about Alan’s observation that whenever his wife would start
turning the screws, he would experience a period of rebellion before
surrendering to her control. We are kind
of inching back into her turning the screws more, not focusing quite as much on
a particular habit or offense, but just generally her taking on more of a
clearly dominant, Head of Household, “strict mom” kind of role and me being more demonstratively under her.
Some of this coincidentally relates to the
tangents we got off onto regarding Alcoholics Anonymous and the whole theme of
surrender. I’m still kind of working
through all this and can’t articulate it very well yet (I often need to let
ideas percolate for a while before something “clicks” and I get a flash of insight
I didn’t have before), but I think that at bottom my (a) mini-“rebellion” a few
weeks ago; (b) deeply entrenched anti-authoritarian tendencies; (c) paradoxical
attraction and repulsion to the prospect of crying and being under truly
imposed and involuntary boundaries; and (d) oddly, my interest in Eastern
religious philosophy are all bound up in this overarching concept of “surrender.” This by the artist Jack Vettriano kind of
exemplifies the mood. I love the way his closed eyes seem to indicate
an inner struggle to accept the kneeling, subservient position. Isn't
any real surrender like that? Perhaps more on this later.
In the meantime, “A husband who
knows” also once again provided this week’s topic. He proposed, “Maybe you have done this topic,
but one possibility is the rituals that happen before, during, and after
punishment.” I was pretty sure we have done
this one a few times, but when I searched for it I found that we’ve only done
it once, that was over five years ago, and the blog was so new it got a
whopping 8 comments. So, let’s do it
again. Do your spankings entail a pattern or ritual?
I don’t know whether our
practices are “rituals” or just “routines,” i.e. habits that have developed
over time. It feels more like the latter. Ours really begin with her ordering the
spanking, which sometimes but not always occurs in two parts. Often, she lets me know (sometimes but not always
by text) that I will be getting spanked for some offense. That evening, she generally lets me know a
few minutes beforehand that I need to get ready. In general, that entails putting away
whatever I am doing, going upstairs, getting out her “tools” and placing them
on the bed, and pulling the ottoman she usually spanks me over away from the
bed and placing some pillows on top of it.
I then get naked as she putters around in the bathroom. When she is ready, she comes out, gives me a
short lecgture about why I am getting spanked, then tells me to get into position. I drape myself over the ottoman, and from
that point forward she is all business.
We really don’t have a post-spanking routine. She tells me when the spanking is over, I put
her tools away, and probably 9 times out of 10 when the spanking happens at
night, we have sex.
What about you? Is there a ritual
to how she kicks things off? Do you get
yourself ready and wait for her?
Is there a pre-spanking
lecture or scolding?
Is there any ritual she
follows during the spanking? And, what
about after? Are you left to get
yourself together?
Or perhaps there is some comforting
or intimacy?
Whatever your rituals are, tell us all about them.
I hope you all have a great
week.
Yes, we definitely have routines for the spanking. Sometimes, one of us might explicitly say something to start the process (me giving her a pre-spanking embrace), but sometimes, the embrace starting the process might be "unspoken". When I am ready (or if she tells me to get a move on because I have been taking so long), I turn around and bare my bottom: - she then spanks me, at the same time as telling me what I have done that she is not happy with. I then pull up my pants and trousers and continue the embrace. I then undress during the embrace until I am down to my pants. I pull them down and there is then another spanking (also with her going through things she is unhappy with that I have said or done), after which I pull them up again, after which I resume the embrace. We consider the embracing very important, as it reminds both of us that I have no business feeling (emotionally) sore with her for having given me a hard spanking for various reasons (including it being voluntary, me deserving it etc). When I am ready, I then pull back and pull my pants down: - sex then starts when she tells me she is ready. This always happens before sex, the reason being that we want issues to be fully dealt with when it starts. Also, we think that miscreant husbands should not get away with bad behaviour and should be willing to be a man, have an attitude of sacrificial love towards his wife and take the pain to restore marital harmony.
ReplyDeleteMy wife educates me like a little boy, and so my punishments are always under a strict ritual that has become established over the years of marriage. First, because of my offense, I am reprimanded by her in a calm but sharp tone. I must confess to her my offense and ask her for my fair punishment. Then the command of her comes to pick up and hand over to her the punishment instrument (s) provided by it. (Wooden spoon, cane carpet beater or belt) My chastisements are usually over a stool, table or bed. Before, I always have to put a big pillow on it, so that my butt is up. Already I have to swallow hard, and tears often run down my cheeks. Either she then pulls down my trousers and panties, or orders me to strip and lay over the pillow. Sometimes she leaves the room to return only after a few minutes, before she starts my chastisement. Of course, during this time, I have to remain patient and kind in my position, which is always difficult for me, because my fear is growing steadily. Then I am asked again suggestively after my offense, and whether I accept to be punished by her now. Already I am completely dissolved l and therefore start violently to cry after the first blow on my bare bottom less because of the pain but because I am so ashamed to be punished like a little boy. When I have received my well-deserved beating, my wife expects me to apologize to her in the long-term and to thank her with understanding. After or between my chastisements corner time is always announced for me. Often, then early bedtime is announced for me. strictpunishedhubby
ReplyDeleteTypically Dev will announce a spanking is due. If I’m in my man cave she will text “ it’s time “. As I go upstairs she’s sitting in the chair. She simply says “ bring me the paddle “. When I return she explains why the spanking is being given. As I’m in position she lectures a little more and the paddling begins. When completed all is forgiven and things go back to normal .... on a side note. We returned from our cruise yesterday. True to her word she gave a spanking ( or two ) at sea. The upside was she forgot to pack the long handled bath brush but her other wooden hairbrush she carries was pretty effective. The downside was the second one was given on the balcony. We were at sea so I’m very certain nobody saw anything but pretty sure all could be heard. JR
ReplyDeleteI admit I gravitate toward the kind of "all business" approach you describe, which is somewhat close to ours, at least the beginning and end.
DeleteWe are very businesslike. I am required to think Mrs. Lion when she finishes spanking me. She decided that it's only polite for me to express my gratitude for correcting my behavioral misdeed. Failing to thank her within a few minutes results in another punishment the next day.
ReplyDeleteThe rest is strictly practical. She signals her readiness to punish me by picking up the paddle she has selected. Very often she does that selection while I'm not in the room and she leaves the paddle in plain sight on the bed. When she picks up the paddle, she looks at me and points to the side of the bed. I drape myself over the side of the bed so my feet just barely touch the floor. Then without another word, she begins spanking me. Sometimes, before she begins she will ask me if I know why I'm being spanked. I tell her and she agrees that I'm correct and then begins the beating. Other times, she will tell me why am being spanked and if this is one of a series of spankings, she will tell me which one it is and how many are left to go. However, she is more likely to just begin without a single word from either of us.
Similar to the above, I always find something very attractive about this very business-like approach.
DeleteAunt Kay did not follow a ritualistic routine. I suppose, as an artist she chose to keep it more interesting for herself via variety - and keeping me off-balance probably
ReplyDeleteLecture was always involved. But it took took different forms.
A genuine, heartfelt "thank you" was expected, and expressed every time. If I forgot or delayed it, she reminded me.
It sounds like "thank you" is part of it for more than a few DD couples
DeleteI would thank my wife even if she didn't demand it. She has taken the time and energy to correct me and make me the best husband and man I can be. And she has done it in one of the most intimate ways possible.
DeleteWhile she may be punishing me like a child, the way I feel afterwards is very unchildlike. I am not sad, angry, or resentful. Because what we are doing is consensual, I am filled with gratitude, respect for her authority, and love for her. This is where DD is so different from parental punishment.
A husband who knows
Tomy, are her written guide books still available?
DeleteBen
Spankings are ritualistic but not every spanking is and it is not a set in stone ritual although there are many common elements to it but she may use them in different orders. In the non-ritualistic category if I leave the refrigerator door open carelessly I can find myself over her lap in 30 seconds and (perhaps) the entire spanking over in 3 minutes or so-sudden, fast and decisive. There are several similar things mostly around the house that evoke the same response from her. Most of these I add are infrequent today. The ritualistic spankings employ many "regulars" but not necessarily in the same order. They tend to be scheduled but that can be as short as a half hour ride home after acting out at a party. I am usually instructed to bring whatever instrument she intends to start with. She usually takes pants and underpass down slowly forcing eye contact throughout. There may be one or more face slaps before or during the scolding ( very powerful way to put me in a submissive state)And during this buildup I must say over and over " ---controls my bum and my cock" The scolding most happens while I am standing in front of her (( she does not like kneeling much)If she is going to peg me post spanking I must prepare the enema and set it up before I am spanked ( pegging is not regular but happens often enough)Also she doesn't really consider it part of a punishment as such)I usually must articulate precisely why I am being spanked before she begins and sometimes repeat it during the spanking. She requires me to raise (arch) my bum toward her paddle for every stroke after the warm up Corner time before the spanking used to be standard but that has been mostly replaced with the scolding and interrogation. Corner time afterward is usual. Within the last year or so I can suggest sex afterward but that is entirely her decision and it may be only cunninglingus. I must ask for permission to penetrate her and ( big rule) I always must have her explicit permission to climax while in her In the last few years a log book has been added in which I must record all formal spankings, the date and cause and sign it. She usually rates it 1 -10 as to how “well you did” meaning obeyed her and accepted the spanking graciously). She does look at the log book from time to time. Interestingly most of this started very early and hasn't changed much although different parts of it are emphasized for any one spanking.
ReplyDeleteAlan
The "log book" is an interesting concept. We started something a little like that, combined with a self-report journal kind of thing, but it didn't seem to get much traction.
DeleteInitially Rosa and I were very much into DD-related rituals, but the logistics of acquiring the sheer volume of goat’s blood needed ( not to mention the noise), the added cot of dry-cleaning the ceremonial robes, and having sufficient storage space for all of the pillar candles soon began to take a toll. Factor in the recent difficulty in buying helium, the growing scarcity of rhinoceros horns, and the disappointing unreliability of runes and, needless to say, we were forced to rethink our priorities.
ReplyDeleteSo now we try to keep it simple: depending on what the problem is, she will discuss it with me beforehand, tell me what she intends to do about it, and that’s pretty much it until the time of the punishment itself. Then it’s just a matter of stripping, getting into position and taking whatever comes. Afterwards I usually give her a hug to let her know we’re good, and that’s that. The only other thing that is more of a rule or understanding than a ritual is that if the punishment is for a transgression committed against someone other than Rosa, it is expected that as soon as is reasonably possible that I apologize to the person I wronged, even if I may have already done so prior to the punishment. In our circle, and especially our home, this requirement adds an unmistakably humbling aspect, since it would not be uncommon for the person I’m apologizing to, to know about or even have heard the spanking minutes earlier. So as I apologize, I am apologizing to someone who knows full well what just happened.
Still….keeping things simple and minimizing ritual has certainly streamlined punishment.
( And the leftover candles do come in handy during bad storms now, but sometimes I do miss the helium.) ;-)
A couple of week ago, we talked here a bit about how there seems to be a big difference in terms of humbling between (a) someone knowing you are spanked and (b) knowing a *specific* spanking is going to happened, is happening, or just happened. Sounds like that is the case in your family.
DeleteYes. There is definitely a difference in someone knowing what happens and what just happened. And it works. And just limiting 'rituals' to policies like that, is not just effective......but it's also a lot easier on the goats. ;-)
DeleteIs that like "light the lamp not the rat" ? ;-)
DeleteKD’s tongue in cheek send up of ritual in disciplinary spanking makes me want to say a word or two in defense of some ritual for some people at some times.. (Boy, that’s a qualifier). Ritual may have something of an image problem in the spanko world because of its association with some B & D practices. I can’t speak much to that, lacking B & D experience. (Unless you count the one time my girlfriend tied my hands behind my back before spanking me). But ritual as I have described helped me a lot as an alpha male especially in my first relationship where it aided a transformation from alpha male to obedient boyfriend submitting himself to a childish punishment. I told my then GF what would make me obedient to her including assertive behavior, deliberate baring of my bum and face slapping among other things. Our rituals developed out of that and my wife has carried many of them on. I also am somewhat spiritual (Not religious) and so the “purification” and” redemption” themes included in Dan’s quote does resonate with me. Because I am spanked both ritually and non-ritually I don’t feel the need to act out a ritual to experience a successful spanking. But there is a closeness and intimacy shared with your disciplinarian during and after a ritualized spanking that doesn’t happen otherwise. Btw KD, we don’t use candles with spanking but burn up plenty of them for dinner parties . So if you have some spares, send them along
ReplyDeleteAlan
Hi Alan. I can see how incorporating disciplinary elements ritualistically could help humble our male egos. Conversely, I think that some of the "rituals" or "routine" we built in early on helped her get more comfortable with being the spanker. Things like agreeing to things that would be punished, assigning a minimum number of swats per offense, etc. were designed to help her get comfortable giving a real disciplinary spanking. It kind of took away some of the responsibility that otherwise would have been on her then inexperienced shoulders.
DeleteAlan: I'm glad somebody found the intro amusing. Tough audience here.
DeleteIn our relationship it not so much rituals as procedures and not exactly the same each time. There are times when I commit an offense, punishment is instant. If we are outdoors or somewhere I am dressed, she directs me to lower my pants and administers the spanking. The underwear I use is totally backless, so a bare bottom is exposed upon lowering of pants. Other times, she will say you are getting spanked for that later. In those cases, I am nude for the spanking. Sometimes a bit of scolding is present during the spanking, but not generally. Following the spanking, there is little or no verbal communication. We do not use corner time, but she will leave me still in position for a period of reflection. Later I go to her and thank her for the discipline and the issue is over, never to be brought up again. I close by saying the only ritual or constant is spankings are always on bare bottom, even if we are not at home.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Spanked Cowboy.
DeleteI think ritual helps a lot. It's like a sort of a dance. We both know the steps and it's a good dance that has stood the test of time. It is agreed upon that a caning is called for. The time for it is then agreed. I will knock at the door of her home office at the right time. There is the lecture delivered with a lot of feeling. The heartfelt apology from yours truly. The acceptance of the apology accompanied with the statement that I must also be punished. The lowering of the trousers at her request. Then the lowering of the underwear also at her request. The order to bend over the wooden chair. Always the same chair. She takes up the same cane and states the number of strokes, this is usually ten in number. She always reminds me that they will be hard and that she will not stop for any reason. She asks if I am ready. I say that I am and bend right over and push my bottom right out. Then it begins and I must then count each stroke and thank her. So it goes, 'One, thank you Caroline. Two thank you Caroline. And so on. If a stroke is particularly hard to bear and I forget to thank her or to count then I am always reminded that she may back to the beginning and start again. This can happen, but is a very rare event. So it is much the same each time and I think we like it that we both know exactly what our role is and what is expected of each other. I think that this is valuable because my wife is a lady who took this up at my request, and it took a while before she was comfortable with it ,and then she discovered that this is a procedure which she actually found rather satisfying. I think the ritual ensures that Caroline is always within her comfort zone, and she has been able to explore the sights and sounds and feelings of this experience. For me, it is of course excruciatingly painful and therefore its good for me to know that if I just hang in there, then it will soon be over if I remember the steps in the dance. That's how it is for us.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tommy. I agree that one function of ritual is helping a perhaps hesitant disciplinarian get into or stay in a comfort zone.
DeleteThe Wife Who Knows already had a lot of spanking experience when we met, and knew what procedure (ritual) she preferred for disciplinary spankings. It was very verbal. In recent years she also has implemented a completely nonverbal ritual. I will describe the verbal one first.
ReplyDeleteShe begins with an announcement: "We need to hava a talk" (with the emphasis on talk so it is obviously in quote marks. Or "you need your attitude adjusted." Or "you're getting too big for your britches." Or "you need to be taken down a peg or two." Always a euphemism for a spanking.
In our house there is a straight back chair in virtually every room. Guess why? She used to prefer a wooden seat but now they are all wicker because it is more scratchy on a bare bottom.
Aftet making her announcement, she will pull the chair out from the wall and say, "Take down your pants and have a seat." At this I pull down my trousers and panties and sit bare bottom on the chair.
She proceeds to lecture me about my misdeeds, pointing her finger in my face, scolding me, saying how disappointed she is in my behavior and is going to have to punish me for it. It is incredibly humiliating to be sitting there pants down getting scolded like a naughty little boy.
When she is done scolding, she will tell me what implement(s) to fetch. I have to shuffle after them with my pants around my ankles. More embarrassment.
When I return she has taken my place in the chair and hiked up her skirt so we will be skin to skin. I hand her the implements, stand in front of her, make eye contact, and make a statement: "I am sorry for misbehaving by .... (describe the behavior). Please punish me and teach me how to behave better."
"Gladly," she will say. "Bend over my knee."
I drape myself over her lap, with tippy toes on the floor and heels pointed out. This makes clenching impossible. One hand is on the floor; she allows me to hug her leg with the other hand, which I love.
She proceeds to spank hard with no warmup. She lectures and scolds during the spanking and asks me questions about what I did and why and makes me promise to do better in the future. It is hard to pay attention to her questions while she is setting my behind on fire! Often there are tears when she talks about how disappointed she is.
When she decides I have learned a lesson, she will roll me off her lap. I jump up and do the spankee dance, rubbing my bottom and exclaiming.
Often during the spankee dance, which always makes her laugh, she will reach up under her skirt and remove her panties. This is a sign of the two ways I am expected to thank her with my tongue. She moves to a more comfortable chair or couch and tells me to get on my knees.
"What do you have to say?" She asks.
"Thank you, Ma'am, for punishing me. I promise to be a better husband. May I please thank you properly?"
"Yes, you may," she says, and then I service her.
Afterwards she often will have me sit on the wicker chair with pants down for some period of time so the punishment can "sink in." She will go about her business and tell me when I can pull up my trousers.
A husband who knows
Interesting and I would say definitely a ritual. But I am fascinated by your reference to "nonverbal ritual" How does that work. My wife and before that my former girlfriend used a number of non verbal techniques to command and control.Some were pretty common place like the quick and little too firm crack on the bum in public, the "stare", folded arms and pointing. These are not always related to imminent spankings but definitely intended to discipline me. I have come to think of some of the nonverbal tools as more powerful than the verbal ones ( sometimes) and inserting a kind of intimacy into spanking. First cousin the the non verbal are the short one word or phrase commands like "stop instantly", "I gave you a command", pants down" "brush" and several more. Together the non verbal and the "short verbal" create a kind of inner sanctum for your relationship no one else shares or could share.
DeleteAlan
Love those spanking euphemisms. So powerful, particularly for those of us raised in cultures in which it was not at all uncommon to hear similar euphemisms from a determined parent, extended family member or teacher.
DeleteAbsolutely agree with this statement, Dan - I never cease to be amazed at the psychological impact those spanking euphenisms carry. --al
DeleteThe one she has been using lately is "You need to hear from my hairbrush." I get a head to toe tingle when she says it.
DeleteA husband who knows
We use various slang terms (unsure if others use them too). For instance, we sometimes call the spanking implements "husband whackers".
DeleteIf we are at home and I do something that earned a spanking she will order me to get ready to be spanked. That means go get completely naked and stand in the corner and wait for her instructions. When she is ready which could be a few minutes or a half hour standing in the corner she will enter the room and sit on her spanking chair and call me to her side. She will then put me across her lap and begin to lecture me as to why I am getting spanked. During the lecture there will be swats to my bottom, sometime 3 or 4 between lectures. This will go on until she feels I am getting her point. There can be 40 to 50 whacks during the lecture. When she has said enough the real spanking will begin. She will begin rapid fire with her paddle which will bring me to tears and cry's out like I promise to be good. When she feels I had enough it's back to the corner to reflect. When she is ready she will sit in her chair and call me over where I will kneel in front of her and explain why I was spanked and what I will do to change my behavior and my apology. If she is satisfied with my apology then it's all over if not it's back over her knee for more spanking.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a very thorough and effective routine.
DeleteWhen my husband William has earned a spanking I let him no advance to let him think about it . He is given a appointment time when to report to the den he is to be wearing only shorts I always have William explain to me why he is getting spanked I always take his shorts down put him over my knee like a 10 year old adjust his bottom I always spank slow and hard .when through he gets corner time to think about what happened . Janet
ReplyDeleteThanks, Janet.
DeleteWhile I have enjoyed reading accounts of rituals, both reported and fictional (I even included rituals in some of own fictional spanking stories in the late 90's - authored before experiencing the real thing in the new millennium) - we have not made a big deal over ritual in our marriage. Typically she will send me to fetch the paddle and I will assume the position that she indicates immediately thereafter. On occasion, however, she will summon me back to the bedroom, where I will find her waiting with paddle in hand. If there is one real tradition it is that I always give her a kiss on the cheek and thank her soon after the spanking is over - which, as Dan noted earlier, does seem to be a common thread in our group - and certainly "a ritual" that one sees throughout DD literature.
ReplyDeleteDifferent topic - but mentioned in various threads lately - that of spirituality and spanking. I believe that both our moderator, Dan, and Alan have talked about being "spiritual but not religious" - and possibly others as well. While I have seldom written about it on the spanking forums, I can add my name to that hat as well. Spirituality is also an important part of my life - and I have read extensively in the area of mysticism and metaphysics - both Eastern and Western/Christian. Without getting into any possible correlations (although submission obviously springs immediately to mind) - this might prove to be an interesting topic for discussion somewhere down the line. --al
Me too on this.
DeleteLet me think about how best to address this. I'm a little concerned that by raising it I will be leading us back into the more divisive conversations from a few months ago and it will be seen as invitation to the "I'm a real Christian because I do my wife in the missionary position after she spanks me" contingent. But, I do think it would be an interesting conversation among a subgroup of us. Al, if you'd like contact me by email and I'll do something to facilitate the smaller group discussion.
DeleteThe Wife Who Knows has really gotten into hand signals in the past couple of years. She says that seeing me respond to her hand signals gives her a sense of power like nothing else. And that is to my advantage because, she says, "Power makes me wet."
ReplyDeleteFor nonverbal disciplinary sessions, when she is irritated about something she will grab the straight backed wicker chair, pull it away from the wall and slam it on the floor in the middle of the room. I know I'm going to get it. Then she will point at my pants and make a tugging gesture with her hands, then point to the chair. I pull down my pants and panties and sit. She then will gesture what I have done, like pointing at my mouth and then putting her hands out in an exasperated gesture. My smart mouth. Then she will make a brushing gesture as if brushing her hair, and I will shuffle off after the hairbrush.
When I return she will be seated on the chair. I hand her the brush and she will gesture for me to bend over. Or sometimes she will take my hand and jerk me across her lap.
The spanking then begins rapid fire. While she is silent, she expects me to react as I normally would, with exclamations, begging, apologizing, and kicking legs. When she rolls me off her lap I do the spankee dance for her. Then she points to the floor and I get on my knees. She points to her lap and I get up under her skirt and thank her non verbally. As she says, "Language is the third purpose of the male tongue. Tasting food is the second purpose. You damn well better know the first purpose."
A husband who knows
Interesting approach. I can see how silence could be very compelling.
DeleteThis is Anton. My wife has only been spanking a few months, so we haven't developed much ritual. Plus we have children in the home, which limits time and place for punishment.
ReplyDeleteIt mostly happens late at night when they are in bed. Sometimes she will sit on her "makeup chair" in our master bath, but more often I go over her lap on the bed. I sleep naked, so i usually am already undressed. She will use a hairbrush or if she is really angry the bath brush, which i have come to fear. She doesn't say much; I know why I am being spanked. I am expected to be quiet so as not to arouse the children, though the smacks are rather unmistakable. Fortunately their rooms are upstairs.
Like many others here, she expects cunnilingus afterwards, which tends to arouse me. But no relief for the husband is part of the punishment, and she will usually warn me not to touch my erection as we go to sleep. I am lying on my stomach with my butt burning, and sometimes she will put her hand on my butt and remark at the heat. I love when she does that and am so grateful that she has become a disciplinary wife!
Hate the bath brush . . .
Delete"Bath brush bad". I think the Frankenstein monster said that.
DeleteAs I mentioned earlier, thanking our wives for our spankings seems to be a very common thread, both in this forum, and throughout DD literature. As an addendum, based on recent posts - and again what I have read on other forums through the years, I will also venture a thought that expressing nonverbal gratiutude with cunnilingus is also a common thread. It definitely is at our house as well.
ReplyDeleteWhile I would not quite call it a ritual, we do practice weekly maintenance spankings in our house to maintain the DWC "atmosphere" - usually on Sunday nights, and these spankings are almost always followed by at least a half hour of worship at the altar. Since I've always loved going down on a woman, this is not part of the discipline routine (and she usually does not want me to go down on her after she has give me a real punishment spanking), but a part of our bonding afterwards (I wonder if men who have a need to be disciplined are more likely to enjoy cunninlingus?) And, fortuantely for me, after a few orgasms, she always enjoys penetration afterward (and, after a spanking, she is normally on top - reinforcing the dominance - which is just fine with me also). --al
Interestingly, neither of those--thanking or cunnilingus--is really part of our rituals.
DeleteI think many spanked husbands are on the submissive side (as I am), and performing oral sex is typically considered a submissive act, so in some ways they go hand in hand. Though when my tongue is strumming her guitar, I can make her sing just about any song I choose!
DeleteA husband who knows
We also do the maintenance spanking but usually on Friday after she gets home from work. I am always ready which is naked and in the corner waiting for her to come home. My wife likes Friday's because we go out to eat and she loves seeing me a little uncomfortable sitting in the restaurant. Usually after my maintenance spanking she has me give her an orgasm with my tongue as a thank you for spanking me.
DeleteSpanking euphemisms from A Husband Who Knows:
ReplyDeleteYou’re getting too big for your britches.
You need to be taken down a peg or two.
We need to talk.
You need a trip to the woodshed.
You’re going to get more than you bargained for.
You’re about to talk yourself out of your pants.
You can either straighten up or bend over.
You need to hear from my hairbrush.
“Bottom’s Up,” and I’m not talking about drinking.
You need your attitude adjusted.
You won’t be sitting down for a week.
I’m going to wipe that smile right off your face.
The bottom pays for what the mouth says.
You’re going to be eating dinner standing up.
You need a trip across my lap.
Do you need to grab your ankles?
You need some time with your nose in the carpet.
You’re going to be talking to the carpet before you know it!
You better start behaving … or else!
I’m going to wear you out!
Do you need your behind in the air?
Do I need to get my belt?
My belt’s about to come off.
My wooden spoon is not just for stirring.
Do I need to pull out this chair?
Do you need to talk to the spoon?
You want me to be like the old woman in the shoe?
(Referring to the nursery rhyme that ends “Then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.”)
I'll teach you a lesson you won't forget.
You need a good talking to.
You get it at school, you get it at home.
I'll give you something to cry about!
My right hand does the talking around here.
Keep smarting off and see what happens.
I walk tall and carry a big stick.
My brush does the talking.
Do we need to go upstairs? (or down in the basement)
This is going to hurt me worse than it hurts you.
Do I need to go get Mommy’s little helper?
It’s called a paddle brush for a reason.
I’ve got a cure for what ails ya.
Shall I go get the marriage counselor?
Let me get my attitude adjuster.
The flat side of my brush has a purpose, too.
I’ve got a cure for recalcitrance.
You need some behavior modification.
You need to be dealt with the old-fashioned way.
You’re going to be sorry!
Do you need a little pink?
Don't think I won't.
Someone’s gonna get it.
This is The Wife Who Knows. My husband has explained our rituals well, and I am a woman of few words. I let my actions do the talking. But I will provide brief answers to direct questions. Dan, this is an excellent blog about DD.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteDanielle here:
ReplyDeleteI wouldn’t say we have any rituals (KD’s post about that made me laugh), but there is a routine that applies to most, but not all, spankings.
Spankings are always preceded by a scolding. I’ve become adept at scolding and I like doing it. In pre-FLR days, Wayne and I used to have some pretty intense arguments about things like the division of housework. Now that we have a FLR I find it wonderfully empowering to be able to tear a strip off my husband in a one-sided way because I remember how he used to argue with me. I think it is as humbling for him as it is empowering for me. Sometimes a chastisement will begin and end with a good scolding.
If, however, I am scolding Wayne and he becomes argumentative or sulky, I will say something like, “I can see I’m not getting through to you, so you can just go to the bedroom and take your pants down.” When I say that he has to go to the bedroom and wait for me in position for a spanking. He bends over the end of the bed with a folded pillow under his hips to raise his bum nice and high, and waits with his pants and underpants around his knees.
I may follow him to the room a couple of minutes later, or I may make him wait for a while depending on my mood and other circumstances. I like being able to make him wait for me in such a humbling position, knowing that he won’t move because he doesn’t dare being caught out of position.
Once I go to the room, the scolding recommences. Often it takes the form of a series of shaming rhetorical questions, such as “Aren’t you ashamed, a man your age needing to be spanked?” or “What would people think if they knew I have to spank you to make you behave?”
Then I paddle or strap his bottom until he seems good and sorry and promises to do better. As I’ve explained elsewhere, I often augment the spanking with some additional punishment, like grounding or a loss of some privilege. I do that while his bare bottom is still exposed to the possibility of further spanking in case he decides to argue about that.
Once I am satisfied he is sufficiently contrite and submissive, I tell him to get up and pull up his pants. I usually leave the room while he does that. I drop whatever implement I used on the bed, before walking out, leaving it to him to put it back in the proper place.
Afterwards, either later that day or the following day, he will write me a brief letter to apologizing for his misdeed or bad attitude, thanking me for disciplining him, and promising to make an effort to do better.
Hi Danielle,
DeleteIt sounds like you use serious scolding as a stand-alone discipline with implied corporal punishment if it doesn’t work. And it sounds like it works for you (and Wayne)pretty often this early in your DD/FLR relationship. In our house a serious scolding usually is a segue to spanking but sometimes I am smart enough to back down early enough I get warnings, her favorite being “you’re close”. Discipline is a delicate dance and I unconsciously gauge how far I can go. That leash has gotten shorter and shorter over the years. But at the same time I think her warnings have become more and more effective because I know the point of no return is close. It’s part of the paradox every spankee confronts -loving to fantasize a spanking will be administered but hating the actual spanking itself
Alan
I can definitely get how scolding could be either a component of serious discipline or a stand-alone form of it. Sounds like it works great for both of you, Danielle and Alan.
DeleteThere needs to be at least some minimum ritual surrounding a spanking, and what Danielle directs more than satisfies what I think of as a DD or FLR punishment ritual -- A pre-spanking lecture, sending to room, having to prepare oneself in a prescribed way for punishment, waiting for disciplinarian in an enforced position, more discussion or scolding, spanking with an implement established for that purpose, an after-punishment discussion to satisfy the disciplinarian, having to return implement to its established place, auxiliary punishments, directed letter writing to express apologies, promises and improved attitude. There are other ritualistic possibilities for inventive disciplinarians, but the ritual Danielle imposes covers the basics for me.
DeleteDanielle, any updates on your witnessed spanking? My wife and I are eagerly awaiting your next post.
DeleteDanielle, VERY reminiscent of how Aunt Kay managed things.
ReplyDeleteTomy, I think I would have liked Aunt Kay.
DeleteDanielle
Joe2 here,
ReplyDeleteI like rituals. It helps me get into the proper mindset. Our rituals are the normal: preparing the tools and site, telling my wife why I deserved a spanking, etc... . To me, it is like a dance, it is important that both partners are doing the same step, both are waltzing. And like dancing, what moves a waltz from a sequence of steps to a dance are the little nuances: how each partner moves in effortless grace and impromptu acts are adjusted by the other partner. With us, she knows that when I start to kick my feet, she either makes a severe comment or firmly grabs a leg. When I am not in the correct head space, she talks more to assert her authority. I will give an example of a notable occurrence. My wife was using a cane and a stray strike caused the tip to hit the cleft at the top of my bottom between my cheeks. It felt like she had stabbed me with an ice pick. As soon as my scream stopped, she said, "you have your colors (Do you want to use your safe word?)." Without waiting for my response, she resumed the caning. The way she reacted to my pain took me deeper into sub-space.
I recently got a present of a thick leather "paddle," the end of which manages to penetrate right between the cheeks. I never thought a leather paddle could be very painful. Wow was I ever wrong!
DeleteThe "rituals" vary according to J's mood - and also according to the reason that has earned me her "attention". They also depend on the type of punishment she thinks I deserve - as well as on the instrument(s) she thinks "approprIate" for the job. I am usually expected to present my bare bottom, and to assume the "position" she decrees - often to wait until she is ready to deliver what she may (or may not) have announced. I am expected to thank her before, during, and after the punishment (and am most times given some -bare bottomed - "corner time" to reflect on my misbehavior)
ReplyDeleteL.
Sorry for being late to this, but baby came, so I've been out of it for a while.
ReplyDeleteRituals are important to me. Husband is always dressed when it's time for discipline. He has special discipline dresses, lingerie and heels. I have a special chalk board to notify him I've scheduled a Disciplinary Session for him. A red circle (to indicate what the color of his bottom will be shortly) on top of the chalk board means that he's to prepare himself for discipline when he gets home. He's usually home first, so it works out pretty good. I'll write a number in white for the lingerie he's to wear. I have them arranged in sets. A white #1 will mean white lingerie set #1. A pink #2 means pink lingerie set #2. The next number is the discipline dress he's to wear. Most of these are classified as "sissy dresses", but I have others for him. The last number is the heels he's to wear, 5" or 6". I even dictate how he's to get ready. Come home, shower and shave again, put on bra, panties, garter belt, stockings and heels. Put on makeup and perfume, put on pearl necklace and clipons, put on petticoats and dress, go to corner and wait. I have dictated he has to be in the corner for at least 20 min. by the time I get home. He was always obsessed with security cameras before I even met him, so it wasn't a problem getting them in the right places so I can see what he's doing.
Once I get home, he has to stay in the corner until I call him out. I get ready, too. I prefer to wear a black panty girdle, black long line bra, 4 or 5" black pumps and black stockings. Sometimes I'll wear a black all in one. I always have my hair in a bun and my thick frame glasses on.
When I call him out of the corner, he has to curtsey and stand in front of me while I scold him and lecture him. Getting ready to receive the actual discipline is another ritual. I call him over to me. He curtseys and comes over. He has to wait for me to tell him to turn around. I unzip his dress, help him off with it, then hand it to him to hang up. Then he has to curtsey again, and I help him off with 1 petticoat. If I've dictated a dress with 2 petticoats, he has to curtsey again. Finally, he's standing in front of me in just his lingerie. Sometimes, I'll take the opportunity either to make fun of the tent in his panties or scold him about it.
Then I make him get the implement I decree. As he's bringing it to me, I remind him to keep his head bowed and to carry it with both hands out in front of him and to do it slowly and reverently. When he stops in front of me, I snap my fingers and point to the ground. He has to kneel, kiss the implement, hold it up to me and ask me to use it on him. Then I take it and tell him to stand up.
I pull down his panties and ask him if he knows why he's getting this. He has to tell me why. Then I tap my lap, and he gets across it.
When I'm finished, I order him to stand. I pull up his panties, snap my fingers again and point to the floor. He has to kneel, hold up his hands, accept the implement and kiss it. Then he has to thank me for his lesson. When he puts the implement back, usually I order him back to the corner.
There's a lot more that happens during the actual spanking. A full session usually requires a couple of implements and a couple of trips across my lap, but, to keep it to a minimum and to avoid making this sound like pornography, I won't go into detail unless someone's curious and the site admin. says it's OK.
It’s been a while- I’ve had a neurostimulator implanted and my spankings are over.
ReplyDeleteWith us it usually started with a text during the day: “Too bad you left your socks in the living room. “
I would respond with an apology. She would inform me I was to let her know when I left work.
When I got home she would instruct me to get things ready, which meant to turn on the tv and bathroom fan ( we lived in apartments or townhouses) and get the implements out. Typically I would have to pull down my pants and underwear and stand in the corner or sit on the bed. Ann would come in, eventually, then ask me why I was being spanked. I would have to repeat the reason. If it was a repeat offense she would announce that she was giving me more spanks and that we would repeat this for however many days.
She would spank until I was past tears and control. When she was done she would give permission to stand. I would thank her and hug and kiss her. She would say she loved me and if there were to be multiple spankings remind me to do the same thing tomorrow. And she would remind me that it would be harder and longer tomorrow.
Finally I would be allowed to pull up my pants.