Saturday, July 6, 2019

The Club - Meeting 303 - Witnesses & Participants


We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin. – André Berthiaume

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships. I hope you all had a good week.

For once, I really had a pretty decent week where behavior was concerned.  Of course, thanks to the July 4th holiday I was away from work more than usual. Could there be a pattern there?  Hmm.  I wonder.  But, I really do feel like maybe I turned a corner this week, or at least can see down the road where the corner turns.  I didn’t have any significant problems with over-consumption.  Kept my temper at work.  And, I am trying really, really hard to get my diet and exercise act together and this week at least I succeeded.  Now, the challenge is to build on those small successes and not retreat.

Last week saw a wee bit of drama on the blog, and I’m not going to comment on it further rather than to say I have gotten used to commenters drifting into and out of this little corner of the blogosphere.  Sometimes I care more than others.  We have lost some commenters I really enjoyed and who could be counted on to provide thoughtful responses to most topics, such as Marisa and Holly.  It’s also puzzling when the future absence is unexplained.  Sometimes people just stop commenting for no apparent reason. It always leaves me wondering whether they took offense, got bored, or maybe suffered some personal tragedy up to and including dying.  You just never know, and that is one aspect of these electronic relationships that definitely is deficient as compared to the “real” world where people who actually know each other engage in real human contact.

And, that is sort of this week’s topic.  It extends in part from a conversation Danielle and I got into that began with one of the pictures I posted, namely the one of the guy with a recently striped ass bending over a hay bale.  As I told Danielle, that photo originally accompanied a story I read on some now vanished DD or FLR website.  The story involved a man and woman who were in some kind of kinky relationship with a dominant male.  It has been several years since I read it, and I can’t really recall whether the third-party was dominating them both, or whether it was some kind of cuckolding relationship with him sleeping with the wife and dominating the husband.  I kind of recall that he was dominating them both to some respect, but it also involved helping the wife dominate the husband.  Long story short, the wife had asked the dominant male to help take care of some behavioral problems her husband had displayed, then failed to connect with the dominant male to set up a time to take care of it.  So, he showed up unannounced at a dinner party they were having with another couple and made an excuse to take the husband out of the party and down to a barn on the couple’s property, where he spanked him to tears with a belt before allowing him to return to the party.  In discussing the story, Danielle and I got into a wider-ranging discussion about third-parties participating or witnessing this thing we do.

A few months ago, we talked about others knowing about our DD lifestyles, but this week we take it one step further. How many of you have had others partake in some way in your DD activities, whether merely as witnesses or as active participants?  Have you ever been spanked while a witness was voluntarily present or knew that it was happening or about to happen to you?  (I don't want to get off on a tangent about someone in a hotel or store accidentally overhearing a spanking.) If so, who, and how did that come about? For the spankee, what effect did having the witness present have on you?  Was it what you anticipated? For the spanker, did having a witness there give rise to any particular feelings in you? Did you change your approach to the spanking in any way?  And, if you know, what was the effect on the witness? Were they an active participant in some way?


Or a passive but supportive observer?


 Taking things even further, have you ever had someone else participate in a disciplinary spanking?  Perhaps your wife ordered or allowed a spanking by another wife or by a professional?  Or, perhaps you wives have taken part in disciplining a man other than your husband?  If not, would you ever give it a try?

This is an area we don’t have any real personal experience with, though as I have posted my subconscious seems to have a thing for it, given that I have dreamed about scenarios in which I was taken from a party and spanked by a third-party, and I recall having a strong reaction to the story set out above. In the context of the dream I had, others did not participate in the spanking itself but were very aware that I was being led out to get one.


 And, when Tomy has recounted the days of the real DWC and being sent to another wife for punishment, those stories too get a reaction from me.  But, I don’t have a similar reaction if the context is more of a spanking party where the women get to spank for no particular reason.  To get any reaction from me, the context really has to be disciplinary in nature.  

Danielle and I also talked about whether I would have a reaction to Anne spanking another man (though I highly doubt she would ever go there).  Again, if it was really in the disciplinary context, like acting as a “surrogate” of sorts and punishing a deserving DD husband, I honestly don’t think I would have any problem with it, any more than I would have a problem with it if she was a teacher or principal a generation or two ago and was responsible for using a paddle or cane to correct deserving young men.

So, tell us about your experiences and attitudes about discipline that brings third-parties into the mix as witnesses or participants. And, this is one where I am going to ask people to confine this to disciplinary spankings and not just kink involving giving or receiving spankings in an erotic or BDSM context.

Have a great week.

114 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. I assumed there was no way Sean/Jack/Susan could resist this topic as a chance to spin out one of his inane Mother-in-Law fantasies. Nice try. Why can’t YOU be one of those commenters who goes away never to be heard from again??

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  2. I’m sorry to say I have no experience in this, but I would like to.

    I think it would be so embarrassing and humiliating— in other words, incredibly compelling for the submissive part of me — for my wife to invite a close friend to witness. It would amp the excitement up even more if she was beautiful and was someone who I knew. Maybe even a woman in her 20s. I could see her giggle and laugh as I showed up nude carrying the paddles and other implements, and bent over the table. Her eyes would bug out in amazement as she watched my beautiful wife paddle my ass super hard! Then she would take her turn. The ultimate would be both women turning my ass a dark red and bruised, and me end up sobbing like a baby.

    Unfortunately, I doubt my wife will ever do this... As we continue our DD journey I will probably throw it out there, like “wouldn’t it be something if so-and-so watched.”

    But I’m not optimistic

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  3. I have never spanked my husband William with a witness present but I did have a friend stop by once after I had given William a punishment spanking , I had put him in the corner and my friend saw him standing there nude waist down crying rubbing his bottom , I explained to her what had happened .Julie

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  4. The timing on this is so coincidental as to seem fake......unless you know me enough to know I don't do fake.

    As of an hour ago, my friend-with-disciplinary-benefits, Nickki, contacted Rosa to ask if she would send me over tomorrow around 1:30 or so for one of my past due spankings she has tallied up. Naturally Rosa agreed and I will be heading her way for what seems like a pretty enthusiastic paddling. I had asked Nickki via text if this was my 'reward spanking' for opening their pool since that is chronologically the first one owed besides the joint punishment she intends to do with Rosa) and she said that she gets to choose the order and 'no' THAT one is too mid-level for what she has in mind. So, I'm not entirely sure what I am in for, but because of the semi-fun/semi-serious aspect I talk about when "justice/injustice" comes up, I will go along with it. I do know that after my last with her, she was disappointed in my too-quick recovery. Her goal now is a minimum of two days of sore which she realizes is going to require higher numbers of harder whacks.

    So.....yes. Rosa and I include others in what we do. Some take an active hand. Others use discipline slips to impose punishments, and others are just bemused friends-in-the-know.

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    1. Since not everyone knows everything Rosa and I do, let me say that the spankings I'm talking about are sometimes purely play....which Dan is understandably not interested in discussing, sometimes purely discipline (as I found out from Rosa after I posted that the one I'm getting later is.), but most often some weird combination of the two.....often with the technical rationale being somewhat playful, but where the 'fuel' for the spanking itself usually is culled from behaviors and annoyances these friends admit they are thinking at the time of the spanking. I realize this seems like a DD impurity, or muddied waters, but it is a reality. And one that seems to ring true for all of my 'disciplinarians'.

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    2. You have now made me perversely curious about how many of my friends would gladly volunteer to spank me for any number of annoyances I have subjected them to. I'm guessing some might even pay for the privilege.

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    3. I would gladly spank you, Dan. ;-)
      Danielle

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    4. I hope people will see my wise crack as a joke rather than a proposition. Just kidding, Dan.
      Danielle

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  5. I think there is an inherent problem with accidental witnesses. We all know that what we do is consensual. Being a witness should also be consensual. Before I married my wife, I would play at BDSM parties (generally the top). There would be plenty of witnesses. Everyone knew what was going to happen there and, by their presence, agreed they were willing to witness.

    I think the idea of a "friend" witnessing my punishment is a hot fantasy. However, what we do is very intimate and private. It's a little like sex. Some people enjoy having sex in the presence of others. Some don't. It's the same with discipline. We belong to the "keep it private" category. It doesn't mean that I don't have very exciting fantasies about other women observing, even participating. I know that won't happen.

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    1. I agree with accidental witnesses not being appropriate. Consent is for all parties involved.

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    2. I agree for the most part, though this is something that does depart from the spankings that were prevalent when I was growing up. (I actually meant to put this in the post itself, but forgot to do so.) In the area of the country I was born in, it was pretty common for people to witness others' spankings. At school, misbehaving students were sent to the Principal's office, and everyone knew what was happening. If you go back a few years, kids were pretty commonly spanked in the classroom for anyone to see. (Remember the famous caning scene from Tom Sawyer.) And, it was not uncommon at all for someone to pull their kid aside at a social occasion for a quick hand spanking if he/she were "acting up." It was not hidden at all.

      Now, that is not where we are now. But, I also am not really in a mood these days to cater to all the "Oh, I saw or heard something that was not within my comfort zone. I have been triggered! So mercilessly triggered!" politically correct . . . either. You saw or heard something. You were offended. What else happened to you as a result? Nothing. Grow up.

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    3. Dan,
      I count myself as mostly liberal across the spectrum but I strongly agree with you that the current PC has gone amuck -and "trigger warnings" are the single best example. Americans don't seem happy unless we take originally sane ideas to absurdity
      Alan

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    4. Alan, same here. There is a great Bill Maher segment on this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaC1-U8LIY0

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    5. I will add one clarifier to this that may be more unifying: intent. (as always) LOL
      By that I mean, is the situation with the vanilla 'accidental' witness, truly accidental, or was it something contrived to look like an accident wherein an unsuspecting vanilla is led into a situation where they will end up witnessing something they would rather not see as a thrill for the people involved? I can see the objection to the latter and I can see the 'get over it' reaction to the former.

      We have had intentional witnesses with interested parties, and we had one instance where Ana accidentally walked in on us and pretty much saw everything there is to see and was not traumatized (but then again, we're talking about Ana, LOL). What we have not done is 'arrange' something so that some poor delivery person, or vanilla neighbor walks in on something they do not expect.

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    6. Totally agree on the whole overly PC society hiding under their covers to make sure they aren't triggered by anything, and somehow outraged at everything. The Bill Maher segment Dan included above should be a must-watch for everyone.

      -ZM

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  6. I frequently invite other women around to see me spank my husband. It’s a shared kink of ours! I would say my favourites have been gradually working on his vanilla in-home personal trainers until they are ready and enjoy seeing him spanked by me. His trainers are always pretty, fit, and naturally dominant young women. We start by hinting in a joking manner that there is punishment in store for him from me if he does not stick to his diet and exercise regime. If the young lady “bites” and plays along (maybe a teasing word), we push it a bit further. Unfortunately, his current trainer shut us right down by not really responding at all. Previous trainers have very happily progressed to the point where they have seen him spanked bare butt by me. Fun!

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    1. Spanking definitely seems like something an effective trainer would want in their repertoire!

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    2. OK everyone want a good chuckle???? Once on a completely bored lark posted on old CL for a trainer who believes in "discipline and accountability" from their clients to see if it would get a response......no luck lol.

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    3. Hi Julie,
      I enjoy reading your blog from time to time, though I don't contribute there. It has been particularly interesting to watch how your relationship has developed over time to include different elements. Also, I have never found a better introduction to disciplinary spanking than your excellent "beating your man properly" article and the "advice for wives" one is pretty great as well.

      You guys have done a lot with including other people. I am particularly impressed with the whole personal trainer idea, not only because it involves young, fit, dominant girls (though I am sure that comprises part of my interest), but also just because it seems to be a perfect "third party."

      -ZM

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    4. Hi ZM, thank you for your kind words!

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  7. While my husband would have loved to have a witness, I find the act of disciplining him to be an intimate event and I would never consider having a witness. Of course, it is now a moot point since he is in a nursing home and I doubt if the situation will change.

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    1. Hugs and love support to you Verity

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    2. I am sorry to hear that. Thank you for coming by here during such a difficult time.

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  8. While I have been spanked by wives in our DWC circle of friends many times, only once has DeeDee had another wife give me a true disciplinary spanking. It was during a get together were we kind of "mocked" Aunt Kay's confessional idea.

    It was very powerful. The other wife spanked me while lecturing me on some things she saw in my life where I was over-extending myself to the point where by "helping" others, I was hurting myself. It was something blatantly obvious to her, yet swallowed up as part of our "normal" life by DeeDee and I.

    Mostly however, discipline spankings are a very private and intimate time that are shared only between DeeDee and I.

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    1. I don't know why, but the idea of a non-sexual discipline spanking from someone who knows me definitely does something for me. My primary driver for needing DD centers on accountability, and something about the context of a third-party handling the discipline emphasizes that, perhaps because it takes the intimacy and loving connection out of the equation entirely.

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  9. This is something my wife has just recently started threatening. I am honestly not sure if she is using it to get a reaction out of me (if so, it works!) or if she's really thinking about it. It would definitely be something I would like to try.

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    1. I look forward to hearing whether threat becomes reality.

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    2. Hi Dan. I would like to ask, what do you think about this comment from the user "Unknown", in the blog Femdom101?

      http://femdom101.blogspot.com/2019/07/the-pizza-story.html?m=1

      I know that you sometimes compensate there. It would be interesting to see how you answered this person.

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    3. I'm not sure exactly which comment you are pointing to, as the link just goes to the full comments page. Is it the one about whether Femdom is "normal"? As noted at the topic of this blog, I don't consider the subject matter addressed here to be Femdom, and I actually get kind of irritated if a commenter is plainly over on the Femdom side of things but comments extensively here about that lifestyle, because it really is not what this blog is about, though there are obvious overlaps. But, is it "normal?" I think that word has a lot of connotations. It could just mean is it something a majority of people engage in, which case I would say "no" neither Femdom or DD is "normal." I don't think anywhere close to a majority of adults are in either lifestyle, and DD is probably even less prevalent than Femdom, if you define Femdom widely enough. Do I think either is "normal" or "abnormal" in some kind of moral or ethical sense? I couldn't care less what any combination of adults do among themselves. Do I think that DD is driven by normal or healthy urges -- this may surprise people, but I do think DD can be a compensation mechanism of sorts that probably for some men (myself included) reflects some unbalanced or disordered urges. I know that when I am meditating a lot and not living a stressed out and unhealthy lifestyle, my need for DD drops precipitously. I don't think wholly "normal" people seek out painful corrections out of a desire to be held accountable. So, do I think there is something kind of dysfunctional or compensatory about the DD drive? For some of us, yes. Does that mean I have any problem with people doing it? No. No more than I think people shouldn't take Prozac for depression.

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    4. Your answer is quite exhaustive. I did not even look from this point of view.
      Thanks you.

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    5. Hi Dan,
      I loved your answer to this. I agree 100% with everything you said. No, Femdom and DD are probably not "normal" based on the number of people doing it, but since it is between two consenting adults who cares if it is normal. And no, it probably isn't something that a perfectly balanced person would seek out, but if it works, why not?

      One thing I would add to this is in response to her whole question "By giving him the pizza am I just encouraging him to eat more, or am I giving him the food for life that his spirit needs?"

      I think that she raises a valid point, but the problem I see with it is that at least for me, this whole fantasy/fetish/need/want or whatever you want to call it has been with me for as long as I can remember. Sure, there is a certain ebb and flow, but in the end, I think it is a lifelong need/interest. Also everything I have read indicates that there is very, very little chance for someone who wants domination (in any form, whether Femdom, DD, or whatever) to change. It just seems to be how we are wired, and it seems immutable. So, the underlying idea that maybe if she just doesn't feed that need, it might go away is probably a flawed assumption. If your spouse has any actual need, you would be well-advised to consider at least trying to meet it if you wish to have a durable relationship.

      On the other hand, there is also a need for balance since the relationship is about both people. And likely balance is hard to attain if as Dan said "DD can be a compensation mechanism...that reflects some unbalanced or disordered urges." We men who are into this need to be VERY careful to allow things to evolve at a natural pace and to not try to make the whole relationship about DD. In other words, since it is such a part of our make-up, we are likely to push much too hard and talk about it much too often if she is open to it. One thing that I see here often is that we tend to push her and even pester her to become more and more strict. I have a feeling that we would be better served to just go and buy her flowers and take her out to dinner. She understands the way you are wired (assuming you have talked about it), so in at least most cases, if you meet her needs (perhaps for love and attention) I am pretty confident she will find some way to meet your needs as well.

      -ZM

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    6. I do use DD as a "balance" or "compensation". Husband had habits I didn't like. He told me about them shortly after we started dating. I didn't like them, but put up with them to keep him.

      Husband and I are opposites in a couple of things, but, one was while I had a hard time getting dates, he fought off the women. I was surprised he was interested in me at all. One thing I'll always be grateful to him for is he taught me I didn't have to "settle" or "suffer in silence". If i wanted something, speak up. Don't put up with anything less than the best.

      Since I introduced DD into our relationship, when he was still BF, I have felt a lot better about myself and learned he was right. If I want something, let him know. If I don't like something, I get to let him know in an unmistakable way I don't like it.

      It's done more for me than I thought was possible.

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    7. ZM, I agree and I suspect you are right that, at least for some, this is a hard-wired interest. Though there still may be degrees. I do think that if I were faced with the sudden loss of this lifestyle, I could probably do without it. I'm sure some part of the desire would be there, but I also think I could move on if I had a spouse who just wasn't interested. At the recommendation of JGirl from The Taming of the Shrew blog, I recently read a book called Sex With Shakespeare, whose author is a female spanking fetishist. Her descriptions of the extent to which her entire sexual makeup revolves around that fetish is not something I can fully understand, but it was eye opening.

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    8. Cecilia, thank god for spouses we thought wouldn't show any interest in us and yet somehow did.

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  10. Dan — that is a great point and something I agree with totally. The idea of a female friend deciding I have screwed up and need discipline, then ordering me to take pants down, bend over and take swats on my bare bottom with a paddle, is intoxicating

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    1. I am pretty confident that in my case, something like that will never happen.

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  11. No, we agreed at the outset that we would never do this. In addition to being a genuine punishment, spanking within marriage is an intimate act that we don't believe should involve others. If my wife doesn't believe I have been punished enough by a spanking, then rather than invite others in, she continues spanking (or maybe uses more painful instruments) until she feels I have been sufficiently punished.

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  12. When I first started dating husband, I told him that I had a best friend I told everything to, and I mean everything. He said he understood. The first thing I introduced him to was dressups. I reminded him then my best friend was going to know about it. He said he already knew. Of course, when I told my best friend about spanking him, she wanted to see him get one.

    He insisted on discretion, so I had to work on getting him to agree to witnesses. He agreed to best friend only at first (even though he doesn't like her). I told him after one Disciplinary Session he got for being especially naughty if he did it again, my friend was going to get her wish. He disobeyed me again, so I brought her over to see. He didn't know she was coming for that Disciplinary Session, so he was surprised and begged me to postpone it. He didn't safeword out, so, she got to see everything. She regularly gets to see me disciplining him.

    Of course she wanted to give him a spanking, too, but I wouldn't allow it. Only I discipline my husband. I had to make an exception in the past month, since the baby is due any day now and I just haven't had the energy. I decided he needed a spanking or two a while ago, and I let her and another person do it. I let them know it was a one-off thing, I just didn't have the energy. I got to be the witness instead.

    Humiliation is part of the disciplinary process, so I encourage the witness to make comments about how pretty a sissy he is. I also make him curtsey to them and he has to tell them he's been naughty and would they like to see him get a spanking.

    Except for parties and events, he doesn't want another guy to be a witness. I had to work on getting him to even agree to go to parties. It took even more for me to get him to agree to be disciplined at one.

    Lately, I've overlooked what he's done to earn a Disciplinary Session, since he's gone out of his way to take care of me these last 3 weeks, since he's seen how little energy I've had. As soon as he comes home from work, he's run upstairs, gotten into a maid dress and waited on me hand and foot. I didn't even ask him to, he just noticed how drained I was and started doing it.

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    1. Being disciplined in front of someone you don't like certainly adds something to the dynamic

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    2. Since I use humiliation as part of my Disciplinary Process, I thought about that, too. He wasn't getting spanked in front of just anyone, he was getting spanked in front of someone who would actually enjoy watching him get spanked. He was going to be seen in pretty lingerie and a dress by someone he'd rather not see him like that. He was going to have to curtsey to her and ask her to watch him get a spanking.

      I knew I wouldn't have to encourage her to make comments about him being dressed up. other thins that happened during the Disciplinary Session or after he got his spanking.

      After the first time he cried, I did a couple more sessions without witnesses to see if the tears were a one time thing, or, would they always come. Once I was sure that there'd always be tears, I made an excuse to invite her to watch, again. Her comments were very humiliating.

      I can trust her to keep it to herself, though. We've always been like that. We tell each other everything, but, don't tell other people unless the other one agrees.

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    3. Dear Cecilia. I do hope your husband knows how fortunate he is, and I'm sure he does. I would give anything to be treated like this even for just one month. To wear a pretty maid uniform with hat daily. And to be spanked to tears in a pretty dress in front of a witness who I know is loving every bit of my humiliation. Somehow I need to experience this just once in my life.

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  13. A witness is a powerful switch that once turned on is hard to turn off...I had a surprise witness once with a past GF and it was profound. The witness was a mutual friend who shared similar interests but so far had never seen me get spanked. We did not live together but I would go over and clean, make dinner, and tidy her apt up. She had me answer the door when there was a knock.I had to let her in and let her inspect the cleaning I had done...unbeknownst to me this was planned in advance... the spanking I received was long and hard, brought tears and promises to do better. This memory remains at the top of list.
    Thanks for letting me ramble on like this but just had to share.

    stevie

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  14. One factor that has not been mentioned much is the closeness that evolves when another couple/woman becomes involved in the disciplinary aspect; which is otherwise pretty private.

    For me the sense of liberation and understanding that was there when we were with other like-minded people - and especially when the actual spanking experience had been shared or witnessed, was an experience like none other.

    To be known, embraced, and at ease with others is wonderful.

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    1. This is very true and I just experienced a very intense proof of what Tomy is saying. I did get a very serious and painful punishment from my friend Nickki (curious folks can read the blog post n detail if they wish) and for two friends to come together in a serious way to deal with the whole notion of behavior and punishment and do so sincerely and from opposite sides of the coin, is very intense. And very bonding.

      After yesterday, Nickki's friendship with me is forever changed, but despite the loss of 'equality' something much more profound has replaced it. And in talking with Nickki, it is mutual.

      And I think it's important to state that people can engage in a DD situation intensely and sincerely, and while having that situation be deeply emotional, "sexuality" need not be part of the equation. I realize for some they are inextricably linked, but I am much more of a 'compartmentalizer'.

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    2. I can definitely understand how sharing that would fundamentally alter a relationship with a third-party, probably in a good way. Though, I assume that on some level that would be the case even when it comes to just talking about this honestly with someone outside your relationship. As I've noted, there are two women who know that I am a disciplined husband, knowing that they know definitely fosters a certain closeness, though I also think a certain edginess. Not in a bad way, but I am always critically aware that they know this very private thing about me.

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  15. Tomy's point brings up a similar one. You do become closer to the witness if it is ongoing or jut repeated several times. This has been my experience with my sister in law wh0 I actually did not have a great relationship with prior to her seeing me spanked.She has become an advocate for me much more comfortable beyond the discipline. She has never spanked me, nor does my wife encourage that but in a way she has become a surrogate disciplinarian
    Alan

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    1. Alan, could you explain the "surrogate disciplinarian" thing a bit more?

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    2. Dan,
      Perhaps surrogate was not the most precise terminology since she has never spanked me. But she does monitor some of my behavior communicating to my wife and she is much more direct than formerly when verbally correcting me. She has told my wife several times in my presence that “he needs a spanking”. Originally she was interested in exploring DD with her own husband and this may have happened. I am not told about it and have been told not to ask about it
      Alan

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    3. Alan, very interesting. I've thought from time to time that one reason I wish some number of people we know were in the loop on this is it would be beneficial to have people who would rat me out to my wife, particularly at work.

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  16. I have also noticed how much more closer I am to a couple of my wife's friends and her sister since I have been spanked in front of them. It doesn't even bother me anymore that they may see me naked standing in the corner or bent over my wife's knee. They will even give me a hug while I am naked so it doesn't seem to bother them either.

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    1. Associations with nudity are often driven by context, so this is not surprising. I have experienced similar things in all sorts of situations.

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    2. Naked hugs from a third-party for some reason seems very intimidating to me. I think that would make me very uncomfortable. The first time, anyway.

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    3. It’s complicated and very conditional. Great topic for another week?

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  17. Very early in our relationship. I was spanking Shilo in the garage, and my sister came to watch. This was when it was really easy to cause redness and bruising.

    Hi Dan!

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    1. Hi Merry. I hope you are doing well. How is Shilo?

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    2. Hi! Thank you for asking. ☺

      Chemo is going well. Waiting for a referral for another lymph gland biopsy because the last was inconclusive. Radiation won't be done until we get results as to how much of the lymph glands are involved. I write (rarely/occasionally) at https://alostwifesjourney.blogspot.com

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    3. Great. I'm glad to hear it is going well.

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  18. Danielle here:

    I have never spanked Wayne in front of witnesses, and I’m not sure I ever will, but something kind of exciting happened about 10 days ago. I outed our FLR to Wayne’s sister Liz. I wanted to write about it last week, but it wasn’t relevant to the topic. It is somewhat relevant to this week’s topic, so I'll take this opportunity.

    I don’t often get to see Liz without her husband or other family members present, but she came over that day by herself to borrow some camping equipment. Wayne was about to go out golfing, but I asked him to prepare coffee for us before leaving. Liz is used to seeing Wayne do the kitchen work when we host family dinners, but I think she was surprised that I had him serve just the two of us when I could easily have prepared the coffee and snack myself. After Wayne had served us, I could see that he was visibly embarrassed because I have a rule that he always needs to ask permission before leaving. Clearly, he felt embarrassed about doing that in front of his sister. He found a partial solution. He didn’t ask, “May I please go now?” Instead he asked, “Would you mind if I go now?” That sounded less like asking for permission, but I think his sheepish manner caught Liz’s interest.

    Immediately after Wayne left, Liz turned to me and said, “Alright, what’s the deal with you and my brother?” I asked her what she meant, and she said I appeared to have him “completely whipped.” “What’s the deal?” she repeated.

    “Well, since you ask,” I said, “let’s just say your brother responds very well to discipline.”

    “What exactly do you mean by discipline?” she asked, but I could see by the look on her face that she had grasped the meaning.

    “Do you really want to know?” I asked.

    “Yes!”

    We were sitting in the kitchen, so I got up and took the decorative cutting board I sometimes use a paddle off the hook where it hangs on the wall, set it on the table in front of her, and smiled.

    “You paddle his butt with that?” she asked, clapping her hands together and laughing out loud.

    “That’s one of the things I use to spank him,” I told her.

    The conversation took off from there. She wanted details. I showed her my collection of hairbrushes and the heavy strap I keep in my underwear drawer for harsher punishments. She wanted to know how I spank him and for what reasons. She asked whether spankings were “real punishments” or “an erotic game.” I told her they could be one or the other or both depending on circumstances, and explained how our FLR worked. It was a great conversation, with much sisterly giggling, such as I had never experienced with my sister-in-law. She told me she would love to be “a fly on the wall” when I paddled Wayne’s bottom. I just smiled and said, “That would be fun, but awfully embarrassing for Wayne.” I have no plans to spank Wayne in front of his sister for now, but her fly-on-the-wall makes me think she would be a willing witness if I did. The idea excites me, but I'm not sure Wayne could handle that.

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    1. Danielle,I can handle ( a)sisters in law and have learned the benefits of it. But a sister I am not sure. It would depend on the brother -sister relationship, how discrete she was( i.e. not tell her husband which is unlikely) and how open he is with her and his family.A male spanked by his wife may be able to handle a lot more than either husband or wife know but you only find out by trying it.
      Alan

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    2. Danielle, as someone with experience with third parties, I can think of a few ways to make this happen and still be palatable to all concerned. Remember, when surveyed, the very elderly always say they don't regret their mistakes nearly as much as they regret their missed opportunities. Make use of the little serendipitous moments that occasionally come by......like this one.

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    3. Obviously the only opinion that counts is Wayne's, but I'm with Alan on this one. It would be one thing for one of my siblings to know about our DD relationship, and quite another to witness it.

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    4. Well, I am a peacemaker, so I agree with Alan, KD, and Dan! Hahaha.

      Yes, it does depend totally on Wayne's opinion, but at the same time, I agree that missed opportunities are the primary ingredient in regret. I loved Danielle's story and the way she told it, and it seems to me like the sister-in-law was totally receptive, so I would be very tempted (Wayne willing) to take it a little further, or at least keep the conversation alive.

      Actually, I don't have a sister, so I am not really sure what the usual dynamic is between brother and sister (if there is any such thing as usual). I have had sisters-in-law (both wives have had a sister) and in both cases, I think I would be pretty OK with her knowing. Also, my brother's sister is very, very practical and has very high expectations for herself and others, and I think she would be OK with it if she knew. As for brothers, I think both of them would be OK with it, but would probably not understand it well.

      One thing that I expect would play into this is geography. If you live closer to each other, you tend to be more involved in each other's lives, and also tend to know sibling's spouses (and spouse's siblings) more. That would make it easier to share in a sense, because you see each other more often and tend to talk about everything, plus everyone knows everyone and maybe would better understand why she might choose to roast your bottom! On the other hand, the fact that you live closer also means that you have to see each other more often, so that may make it harder?

      -ZM

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    5. It's also important to consider the feelings of your sister in law. It may have been a big leap for her to say she'd love to be a fly on the wall; should perhaps her bravery be acknowledged, and even encouraged? You can always start out with small steps and feel from there how all parties respond.

      Ben

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    6. Danielle here:

      Thanks to all for the comments and advice about this situation. KD, I am curious about the ways you see to make involvement of a third party (my sister-in-law’s) palatable to all involved. As I see it, whether it ever happens depends on two people: Wayne and his sister. Ultimately, Wayne has to consent to it, and Liz would have to indicate clearly that she wants to participate.

      Wayne is embarrassed that his sister knows, but he is taking it well. His biggest concern is whether Liz will tell her husband or, even worse, their college aged daughter who still lives at home. She promised not to tell anyone, but I take that with a grain of salt where her immediate family is concerned. At the next family dinner, we will have no way of knowing for sure whether anyone other than Liz knows. To be honest, I find that rather exciting.

      Wayne has not seen his sister since she found out. Liz and her husband are away on a camping trip. But we will definitely be exploring the situation further. I feel as though Liz and I have bonded as a result of this situation. We have never done things together apart from family events, but we have agreed that we should. When Liz gets home from vacation, I plan to invite her over for a nice lunch prepared by Wayne for just the two of us. I think it will be good if only Liz is present the next time Wayne sees her in person. Keep in mind, I didn’t just tell Liz about the spankings. I told her about FLR, and I want to show the domestic servitude aspect off to Liz now that she knows about it. And Liz will have a chance to ask Wayne questions.

      I think Liz has a positive attitude about this. She is intrigued that her brother “obeys” me and is amused that I discipline him. I’m pretty sure she will tease Wayne about that, but not in a cruel way. She has normal sisterly affection for her brother, and she agreed with me that FLR is a good thing if it makes us happy. When I told her how devoted Wayne is to me, and how well he responds to discipline, she said that was “cute.”

      That said, I think she likes the idea of her brother being humbled. It turns out that her relationship to her brother while growing up was similar to my relationship to mine. She told me that Wayne was always considered “the brain of family”, getting the best marks in school, and that made him insufferable at times. She said he used to frustrate her by getting her into arguments she couldn’t win. So she loves the idea of me having him under my thumb and humbling him with spankings. I get that because I would love it if I found out that my brother was humbled by his wife the way Wayne is by me.

      Would it be sexually weird for a brother to be spanked in front of his sister? To think that through, I’ve tried to imagine myself in Liz’s place. What if my brother’s wife revealed to me that they have an FLR, and she proposed to spank him in front of me? Would I accept? Absolutely! My family was conservative and patriarchal, and my brother was a spoiled little pasha when we were growing up, never having to do a fair share of the housework. I would love to see him in a FLR, and I would love to see him humbled with a paddle over his wife’s knee. I love him as a brother, but it would be really satisfying to see him spanked. If the man being spanked was anyone other than my brother, there would be a sexual dimension to witnessing a spanking, I believe. But if it was my brother, I think it would be very embarrassing for him, but I would be sexually indifferent to seeing his bum bared for punishment.

      Likewise, I figure that if I spanked Wayne in front one of my women friends that would be a highly sexual experience for Wayne, and maybe for the friend. Spanking him in front of his sister on the other hand would be shaming for him, and perhaps amusing for his sister, but I don’t think it would be sexual for either him or her. That is my thinking about it. But, as I said, it isn’t certain that I will do it. For now it’s just fun to think of the possibilities.

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    7. And you can't discount the possibility that at some level, Wayne is *ecstatic* that you have bonded with your sister at such a deep level, and that part of him wants you to nurture that fledgling relationship; perhaps, over time, leading to a true friendship like none other.

      Ben

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    8. Danielle: I would be more than happy to share some thoughts and strategies with you. Please feel free to tap my name/avatar and a profile will pop up allowing you to email me.....so we don’t end up in a public exchange that co-ops Dan’s blog.

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    9. Danielle, you have given me a lot to think about in terms of how my siblings, one in particular, might react to knowing that I am on the receiving end of a DD relationship. There has always been some tension between us because I too was known as the "smart" one growing up, and I think she actively resents a lot about me.

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    10. Danielle here:

      You make a good point, Ben. “I would like to be a fly on the wall” does not necessarily mean someone would like to be there for real. But it might. I will proceed with caution to respect both her boundaries and my husband’s.

      There are now four women who know I spank Wayne. Maybe more. As I mentioned about a month ago, I told two women in the steam room at the gym. Whenever I see them, we exchange knowing smiles. Wayne doesn’t know who they are. He keeps asking me “Is it her? What about her?” He has actually asked about the two in question, so maybe they have looked at him in a way that makes him suspect they know. But I haven’t answered his question, so from his point of view, every woman he sees at the gym might know. That amuses me and excites him.

      He also knows that I have confided in my best friend Barb. She is sworn to complete secrecy. I trust her not to gossip, but who knows whether she confided in her husband? (I would probably would). For a while after I told Barb, Wayne didn’t know that she knew. That created an interesting effect whenever she came over because I would sometimes be extra bossy with Wayne in her presence, knowing that, unknown to Wayne, she understood the significance of it. I have since told Wayne that Barb knows, but she doesn’t yet know that I told him. LOL That changes the dynamic in interesting ways. Knowing that Barb knows is embarrassing for Wayne, but believing (correctly) that Barb thinks he doesn’t know she knows may make the situation a bit less embarrassing for him. I should probably tell Barb that Wayne knows she knows, which will shift the dynamic yet again. For one thing, it would enable me to mention spankings when they are both present. Of course, Barb would have to be cool with that.

      And now Wayne’s sister Liz knows. In this case, it is all out in the open. Wayne knows that I told Liz, and Liz knows that I told Wayne I told her. After I texted Liz that I told Wayne about our conversation, she sent her brother a light-hearted text, teasing him that she’s proud of him for being such “a good, obedient husband and now she understands why.”

      I know Wayne fantasizes about being spanked in front of witnesses, but I also know that what arouses in fantasy might be too much in real life. I have assured Wayne that his consent would be necessary before I involved witnesses, as would the consent of the witnesses, but I also told him that I like the idea. I asked him whether it would be more embarrassing for him to be spanked in front of my friend Barb or his sister Liz. He had to think about it, but he finally said in front of Liz would be more embarrassing. I asked why, and he had to think about it again. Eventually, he confessed that he finds Barb kind of hot, so being spanked in front of her would be a more arousing embarrassment. But in the case of Liz, there wouldn’t be an erotic component to compensate for the embarrassment. Also, to him Barb is a mere acquaintance, whereas with Liz there are lifelong familial bonds at play.

      Then I asked: “So the idea of being spanked in front of your sister is totally non-erotic?” Surprisingly, he had to think about that too. He then confessed that it might be little erotic. “Why?” I wanted to know. After much thought, he said the idea is somewhat erotic because it would feel like an extreme demonstration of my power over him, and it would feel more purely punitive. “Do you want me to do it?” I asked. He answered that he didn’t know.

      The discussion was stimulating in more ways than one.

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    11. I think I would like Wayne. He seems like a guy who puts a lot of thought into his positions on things.

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    12. My sister and I have become closer since she started witnessing my spankings several years ago. For one thing, I can't act like the uppity big brother when she has seen me begging for mercy and doing the penis-flopping bottom-rubbing "spankee dance" when my wife finally lets me off her lap. My sister has laughed heartily at that.

      I now behave much better around her because she threatens to tell my wife if I am impolite.

      Most of all, during one spanking she brought up my holding her down and tickling her against her will, telling my wife not to stop spanking as I was begging her to because I did not respond to my sister's begging. And my wife transitioned into punishing me about that, including making me apologize to my sister, which I had never done before. My wife really lit up my behind for taking so long to apologize, and my sister enjoyed every smack.

      I now see my sister as a real woman who needs to be respected rather than a little sister to be picked on. And since she has seen me at my most vulnerable, and knows she will again, she no longer has that big brother fear. So we get along much better.
      A husband who knows

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    13. Dan, the similarities and parallels between you and Wayne really are quite striking. You probably would like him, but I think you are both quite argumentative, so you and he would both perhaps end up getting spanked by your wives if you got carried away in an argument, the way Wayne sometimes gets carried away in arguments at family dinners (and gets spanked afterwards by me).

      It is interesting that you have a sister who grew up resenting you being Mr. Smarty Pants just like Wayne did, and just like I resented my own brother’s privileged status. I hope your sister’s resentment isn’t damaging to your relationship with her. I love my brother, so I don’t like to think of myself as “resentful”, but I guess it is a kind of resentment that makes me wish I could see him humbled the way I humble my husband. And I feel that Wayne’s sister’s feelings about him are quite similar. In any case, I can imagine that your sister would LOVE to see your wife paddle your bum. I also imagine that your being such a Smarty Pants makes it satisfying for your wife when she takes your pants down to discipline you. (Or maybe I am just projecting myself onto her?)

      And I have to say, knowing that Liz’s feelings about her brother are similar to my feelings about my brother makes me want to offer Liz the satisfaction of seeing her brother humbled by a spanking.

      Danielle

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    14. Me?? Argumentative?? What the fuck makes you think that?? You clearly don't know what the hell you are talking about!

      ;-)

      I don't think my sister resented me being a "smarty pants" but, rather, resented it that teachers commented on me being smart and wondered aloud whether she would be the same, then she felt more resentment when she wasn't recognized in the same way. Personally, I think she just didn't try very hard but likes to blame others for not somehow recognizing that undisplayed brilliance. Do I sound argumentative? ;-)

      Whether you are projecting your satisfaction at humbling Wayne onto my wife -- no, I suspect she feels EXACTLY like you in that respect. Our family dinner dynamic is a little different, however. My wife, my parents and I are all pretty aligned politically, and we don't have siblings who are (a) vocal and (b) have views that are very different from ours. It is really only HER parents who are outliers, and we just kind of ignore it most of the time. BUT, my wife does think I have more than a little tendency to dominate the conversation with social friends.

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  19. Hi Dan,
    The thought of witnesses and participants is surprisingly exciting to me, considering that I am TOTALLY turned OFF by anything sexual involving more than two people. However, the idea that someone would know about, witness, or participate in me being punished is both exciting and scary. It is that morbid fascination you describe when you first discovered DD.

    One reason why I find this topic so exciting despite my hating the idea of group sex or threesomes is because while I want sex to be shared only between me and my wife, I really want our DD to be non-sexual to make it as real as possible. If it could be talked about or shared with others and not viewed as just a sexual kink, then it would seem much more “real.” Having said that, I would be the first to admit that DD definitely IS sexual to me. Oh how conflicted I am!

    I really missed out on experiencing the more public disciplinary spankings by acting good in school. I was from a rural area, so misbehavior could have resulted in a paddling. That threat kept me in line, but now I wish that I had acted out, since it would have been an experience that would have totally fulfilled the experience of receiving very real discipline.

    Witnesses or participants could take many forms. First I will talk only about other knowing about it (not witnessing or participating), since I have a lot to say on the privacy/secrecy part. Then in a separate post I will talk about different levels.

    The first and easiest level is somebody knowing about it. By this I mean that they know in general that my wife punishes me for real offenses, but don’t know any specifics like when or how. This is roughly similar to people knowing that we have sex with our spouses, but not necessarily knowing any more than that.

    It is quite possible the she could tell someone something at some point, most likely in a very general or maybe a joking manner. At some level I would kind of like this to happen, though I am not sure exactly when, why, who, or how. Of course it would be humbling to know that somebody knows, especially if they ever said something about it. Or not knowing who knows could be difficult too. If my wife wanted to torture me, she could just say that she told someone, but not tell me who and I would look at everyone differently for a while, especially if they happened to laugh or smile when I walk into the room! Or for that matter she could give me the exact same experience and feelings by saying that she told someone when in fact she didn’t. Then she could tell several people something else totally unrelated to this that was funny, so they would give me knowing smiles and glances, even though they know nothing.

    I have said several times in the past that it wouldn’t be harder for me to have others know about the real DD spankings as opposed to fantasy role-playing. Now, I realize that I would be much more shy about others knowing about the disciplinary aspect. In fact, my wife has alluded to several friends that we do role-play and that she dresses up. Of course, they don’t know about the domination theme, or that it is me that is being dominated, but it wouldn’t really be that big of a deal if they did know, since that is just fun sexual play. But it would be different if she told people about our DD.

    I find an interesting irony in this. My wife and I try to preserve the intimacy of all things sexual. And we (or at least I) don’t necessarily view DD as being all that sexual, compared to some other things. Yet somehow even though she probably wouldn’t hesitate to tell a close friend if she were mad at me about something, she would probably be very unlikely to tell anyone that she punished me for something. Yet at the same time, she would feel more comfortable about joking with others about us making love every night or even alluding to us playing role-playing games. It is almost we view this as even more secret than sex, even though we also consider it as less sexual.

    -ZM

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    1. My former girlfriend frequently said something to me like the following: " Alan, spanking you is more intimate than having sex with you". She was right
      Alan

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    2. I totally get all this. I had not thought about witnesses potentially removing the sexual element, but I see how that could be the case. In fact, I think it explains why I have the same morbid fascination you do about someone else witnessing or participating in a real DD spanking (including giving me one), but if the context is something like a spanking party that plainly is about kink and sex, I lose interest and it does little or nothing for me.

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    3. Alan, I agree totally about the intimacy thing. I think in a way the super intimacy might be driven not only by the shared experience and the trust, but also because of the fact that DD is unusual and maybe even a bit abnormal.

      And Dan, yes we seem to be wired about the same on this, as well as quite a few other things. For me, it started from a young age with a spanking fetish, which I know you don't really have. Femdom was exciting to me (though never experienced at that time) until I discovered DD. Once I discovered DD, I realized that it was really DD that is at the core of all my desires (so even the spanking fetish is really only in a DD context).

      In fact, this blog has been a great resource in helping me realize all this, and my participation here also happens to correspond to the time that I have actually been getting DD, so it has been a great journey of self discovery. Thank you, Dan!

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    4. ZM, my pleasure, and thanks for always being such a thoughtful commenter.

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  20. Now on to different levels… As you go down the list, it gets progressively more humiliating, and thus more exciting, but also becomes less likely to happen, which I expect would hold true for many couples, not just my wife and I.

    The next level beyond someone knowing in general that we practice DD would be someone knowing about a specific punishment. In other words, rather than someone just knowing that she punishes me, instead they would know that I am going to be punished tonight, or that I was punished last weekend, or something like that. This would be especially intense if they said anything about it to me. I would probably just die of embarrassment on the spot! I am not sure why it is so much different than just a general knowledge of her using DD, but to me it seems that way.

    And then on to your actual topic, someone witnessing punishment. This would of course change everything as far as the feelings go. I don’t really know how I feel about it, but I can say that it is a huge, huge part of the disciplinary fantasy for many people, judging by pictures I see. And it is at least somewhat exciting to me based on pictures I download. I both would love for it to happen, and am also terrified at the thought of it. If only there were paid spanking witnesses, then we could have the experience without having to worry about anybody close to us knowing about it!

    As for participants, it could take two different forms: either she sends me to someone else to be punished, or someone else helps her punish me. These are more just in the “fantasy” category for most of us, but still it doesn’t keep me from thinking about it a bit. :) I think the feelings would be entirely different for both of these.

    If she sent me to someone to be punished (or allowed someone to punish me for something I did), then I would be very, very nervous about the punishment itself. After all, she loves me like nobody else, so no matter how harsh she might get, she will always be acting out of love. Not quite so true if it were someone else. So I would be much more scared of the punishment itself, but strangely, I don’t think it would be nearly as embarrassing as if she were present. I have no idea why I think this.

    On the other hand, if someone else were to punish me at the same time as her, or help her to punish me, I would not be so afraid of the physical aspect of the punishment, but think that the psychological/emotional part of that would be huge. I would be much more embarrassed in this situation, and much more focus on the feelings, more worried about how I was taking it, etc.

    Either way, these last several scenarios (at the very least) are well into the realm of unlikely, but still it was a fun thought exercise, and even if they never happen, just thinking about it helps me to better understand myself and these desires I have.

    -ZM

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    1. I have experienced you "second level," as I have related here before when my wife went to a game with a mutual friend I had told about our DD relationship. On their way home, they called me from the car, and my wife made a comment about me being in for a spanking that night. Yes, it was VERY embarrassing.

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    2. I can only imagine. I am not sure why it seems so much more embarrassing for someone to know specifically (you are being spanked when you get home) vs generally (he gets spanked by his wife), but it sure seems to be. My wife and I had a long discussion last night about this whole topic, since she always asks about the forum topic of the week and wants to hear what I have read, and she agreed that it would be much more embarrassing when more specific like this.

      -ZM

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    3. Imagine how embarrassing to be at a family get together and have your wife announce, "You need an attitude adjustment on your bare bottom. Get the hairbrush out of my purse and upstairs with you. Anyone want to see how attitude adjustment works?"
      A husband who knows

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    4. I agree. It seems much, much more embarrassing for someone to know about a specific spanking, versus generally that you are spanked. There also is a temporal element. It seems far more embarrassing for someone to know you are getting a spanking or are going to get one in the immediate future, versus knowing about a past spanking.

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  21. My wife and I met at a spanking party, so obviously neither one of us has problems with witnesses. While those parties tend to be more BDSM and roleplay, we are very much into DD--and my wife has given DD demonstrations at parties, conferences, and small groups like DWC. I have been punished in front of hundreds. Still, I always get a jolt of humiliation and anxiety while she is scolding me in front of others and when she orders me to "pull down your pants."
    As others have commented, it is much easier to be spanked in front of strangers at an event than in front of friends and family. That is when I feel really embarrassed. My wife is a No Nonsense Lady, so all of our friends and family know she punishes me, and she will threaten in front of anyone. But she takes me into a private room so as to not embarrass others, though folks are welcome to come watch, and quite a number have. My sister, for one, likes to encourage my wife, saying that nothing could make up for how I treated "little sister" in my youth. She especially enjoys when I am begging my wife to stop, recalling when she used to beg me to stop tickling her. My wife has offered her the hairbrush, but so far my sister has refused.
    I used to feel embarrassed after these spankings, but now I can look people in the eye and even answer questions about DD.
    I was spanked in front of others by my wife at that very first party, so I knew full well what I was getting into. I would not change a thing.
    A husband who knows


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    1. While I would never want a sibling to know or participate, your reference to ticking reminds me that they might not feel the same and might see a great opportunity for revenge.

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  22. ZM- I've often thought of the idea of having us (wife and I) find someone to punish me as a way of getting her more comfortable w the true disciplinary aspect that she just hasn't gotten to yet.

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    1. I've wondered it if is very easy to find such a person, or whether most of the pros are really doing something closer to "funishment" spankings. I have no idea.

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    2. Probably it depends a lot on where you live. I am sure that 99% of the people who are professionals are doing "funishment," but I have also seen a few people who claim to offer "real" disciplinary spankings. So, if you live in a larger (and more liberal) place, you are more likely to be able to find a professional that would accommodate this.

      For me, I have never been that much turned on by the whole professional thing, since it seems like the lack of real connection would strip much of the power out of the whole experience. At the same time, as I have been thinking about this weeks topic, maybe a professional would be the ideal answer as a witness. After all, it is a real live person, who is used to keeping secrets, and who has seen just about everything.

      -ZM

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    3. HI ZM,
      An interesting comment about professionals. I have no personal experience with them but my impression is that many increasingly think of their services as both therapy and art and try to create a real experience for their clients. Many if not the majority are spankos themselves , so that dimension of the experience might be very positive especially for the pros who establish and maintain ongoing contact with their clients.Maybe a professional will drop by some day and talk about what they do.
      Alan

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    4. I decided once that I wanted to experience a true full on absolutely no nonsense judicial punishment. There is only one disciplinarian (then in her late fifties) in my city who offers this. Her strict rules were 1. Only done fully strapped tight to the spanking bench. 2. NO SAFEWORDS she, and ONLY she decides when we are through. 3. Once strapped down there is NO backing out. Strapped down means full consent. It was done with various canes only. Just as she had warned me beforehand; I was pleading, and begging her to stop long before she would. She remained stoic, and unrelenting throughout, she waited between each strike to let the mental aspect/impact sink in. Halfway through she told me I hired her for a service, and she would be delivering every bit of what I paid her for, and no less. Don't ask me how many strokes, trust me I wasn't counting.

      After she let me off the bench, she asked me to send her pictures daily of the healing process. This went on for about ten days. Women like this are rare, but they do exist. No..once it begins,this particular activity suddenly becomes not fun, and is actually very risky. Interesting to experience once,but I will never do it again. Imagine doing this, and suddenly not feeling your right leg because your sciatic nerve has been severed, and you are now wheelchair bound for life. I got away fine with no injury, but do not recommend doing this.

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  23. Cyber World can't offer the richness of real-life encounters. But let's celebrate what it can do. This community does a great deal for all of us. Even though some of you may never experience witnessing or being spanked by another woman, or in some cases even being spanked as an adult, we have real people sharing real experiences and hopes and wishes and dreams.

    I have pretty decent radar for phonies and posers and this community does quite well. So here's a toast to what we DO have.

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    1. Yeah, I agree. Though I also think that if there is a chance to do a "real" DWC club, I probably would try to help that. Whether I could participate is another matter. But, would I help set it up? Definitely.

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    2. Coming soon........................

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  24. As an observer more than anything else, I concur with Tomy's comments. I've had a multitude of experiences over the years. Some quite fulfilling but never (And now it's getting rather late) a lasting relationship. I find you folks impressive for your candor in sharing with the rest of us what you've done, do & why. A very real site that is just as exciting & informative as some of the more theatrical blogs. Hope you guys & Gals keep it going. And most especially the women, since many men spend much of their time worrying about what women like.

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  25. Previously I have recounted my experiences with witnesses, two semi witnessed spankings from a former girlfriend with her best friend present (hearing but not seeing) - and infrequent but ongoing spankings in front of my sister in law. The first two were not planned (by me). Those in front of my sister in law are scheduled and somewhat ritualistic. (Me in the corner when she arrives, must explain why I am being disciplined, answer lots of embarrassing questions and do post spanking corner time) My experience with former girlfriend left me with a fantasy about it happening again but my wife has makes it a severe punishment and I try hard to avoid repeats. There is embarrassment but that decreases after the early spankings. My biggest concern is no longer about SIL telling her husband which she must have done long ago but him telling others outside the family. Overall I endorse the use of witnesses but I think it is more effective if not done too often. Its main advantage is it makes the disciplinary relationship and her authority very real by announcing to the “world” that I am a spanked husband. And it makes it impossible for me to pretend on any level that it is “just a game” I think it also empowers her to demonstrate her authority in front of her sister. Both of us are more comfortable opening up the relationship within the family. Although she has told two other girlfriends about our relationship and her mother knows, so it is always possible she might include others someday. But right now she seems very satisfied to limit it to SIL.
    Alan

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  26. I think the thought of is intriguing but not for us. Dev has given several sessions in the living room where anyone could walk by and see and another in the kitchen our daughter came home but luckily came in through the lower level but not caught. The one time a year or so ago out in the “ woodshed “ where I’m confident our neighbor didn’t see anything. Hearing was another matter. JR

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    1. I have to assume that having someone overhear may be only slightly less embarrassing than having someone see it, since you now know that she knows.

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  27. While my spankings have never been witnessed, my wife has often had video calls with her mother or friends while I am standing red-bottomed in the corner or sometimes ,while I'm lying over her knee she will rest the laptop on my back and make the call. All it would take would be small movement or slip of the hand and I would be exposed.I've also been left in the corner or lying over the bed when people have dropped by unannounced. I have learnt to be very still and silent during these moments, it would be very embarrassing for me to be discovered but I'm not sure my wife would care, in fact I think my sister in law knows or suspects as she drops little inuendos every now and then. CRM

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  28. Aunt Kay sometimes used the cane on me leaning over the railing of our deck. I know she enjoyed my "irrational" embarrassment. I say "irrational" because we lived in a private, rural setting.

    But kids lurk around unseen in all kinds of unexpected places. I was a kid like that. I know. And even with our very long entry driveway, I could conjure up a scenario where someone might see.

    But that damned cane kept my mind from dwelling on anything else anyway.

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    1. I can understand how it would be embarrassing or scary even if observers are unlikely. Unlikely is not the same as impossible.

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  29. Back from vacation and we both got tans (Jake’s is a little more private and a lot more painful than mine). I was reminded how fast his behavior can deteriorate when taken into an unfamiliar environment. We are working on that. Only the third or fourth spanking for him this year but he won’t forget it for a while. Catching up on the blog and intrigued by comments about witnesses. We have never had one although there were a couple of close calls in college and another memorable one during our honeymoon. I have just never thought about it or felt I needed it. But I do have two very nonjudgmental sisters and some close friends. I can see how it might really cement my authority and give him a lasting lesson in humility. I wish I had a friend who practices DD so I could get some idea of what it is like spanking your husband publicly. For now I plan to just read and listen but he is going to be told it could happen
    Greta

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    1. Thanks, Greta. Hope you had a great vacation, even if Jake's was a bit painful. You are among several who have said you wish you had a DD friend. Wish we could do something about that.

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    2. Greta,

      When you started spanking your future husband during college, had he asked you to, or did he simply want you to be in charge, and you decided to start giving spankings? I wonder how often women in FLR's spank husbands who are not "into" spanking. It sounds like this might be the case for you all, since you spank infrequently.

      My wife spanks me mostly at my request, although occasionally she initiates. Mostly I want to be spanked to feel more devoted to her, or for stress relief or to cure insomnia. She is happy to oblige and gives me more than I bargain for, bent over the bed with a heavy wooden spoon. No warmups, but she stops before I get numb to minimize bruising, which usually doesn't result. I used to think we were having erotic spankings, and finally I asked her, and she said they all were for discipline, such as for being short with her. But she doesn't talk much about it or lecture much, probably because we don't have an FLR. But we are both "into" spanking, and for her at least it isn't "meaningful" unless it is for discipline or punishment.

      Phil

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  30. Disciplinary wives club. Also it’s under www.auntkaysdwc.com

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  31. “A known quantum physics experiment shows that the presence of an observer is capable of influencing the behavior of certain particles. So what does this mean? What is the relationship between the perception of the world and the world itself? Is it possible that our minds largely determine the world we see?”

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  32. I've often thought about being spanked by my wife with another female present.Then sent to the corner while they visit.
    I could easily imagine how humiliating that would be.
    Unfortunately, we don't have any female friends we would feel comfortable to do that with.
    But that's ok!I at least have the good fortune too be married to a wonderful wife who has made some of my fantasies come to life.
    I am content with that.

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  33. Love the idea of getting walloped with people hearing it
    Dave

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