“Anybody can become angry -
that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and
at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not
within everybody's power and is not easy.” – Aristotle
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples
Club. Our weekly gathering of men and
women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline
relationships. I hope you had a good
week.
I am sorry for the later than
usual posting, but it was one of those mornings. Really, kind of one of those weeks. For once,
I didn’t have much travel this week, though I had plenty of workplace
activities. It was another week in which
I was productive, but to the point of not taking care of myself. But, one of our kids is going to be around
all weekend, and I have more work travel coming up next week. So, I probably will not get punished; at
least not in the next week. But, that is, to a big extent, my own fault. We actually had some time alone at home on
Thursday. I was feeling a need for some
enforced accountability, and I had planned to ask her to carry it out that
night, reminding her that we likely would not have another opportunity. I went up to our room a couple of times,
while she was catching up on some paperwork for her job. Since she was busy, I didn’t want to
interrupt. Or, that is what I told
myself. The plain fact is, it was really
that conundrum of needing a hard spanking but not wanting it once the reality
was staring me in the face.
Coincidentally, over the
weekend I read a series of spanking stories entitled The Sinclair Method, https://voiceinthecorner.com/2014/03/07/the-sinclair-method/,
after reading about it on The Venus & Cupid blog. In one installment, one of the young women
who are being trained to be more disciplined receives repeated spankings, all
because she repeatedly fails to present herself and ask for it after she has
been sentenced to one. While this was a
F/f series of spanking stories, there were themes that resonated with me, including
learning to submit to someone else’s orders and authority, surrender, and the humbling
of being required to be an active participant in your own spanking, including being
forced to present yourself for it when you are ready. The fact that “asking for it” resonated with
me is a little paradoxical, and we’ve had exchanges here in which many of us
have talked about how we want forced boundaries or consequences, and it is hard
for it to feel forced when you are driving the process. Yet, I think there is a relevant distinction
here. In the stories, the governess or
trainer had already ordered the spanking, and also ordered the recipient to present
herself, brush in hand that evening. So,
the disciplinarian remained very much in control, and part of exercising that
control was forcing the recipient to spend some time anticipating the spanking
to come and then screw up the courage to come upstairs, present herself for the
spanking and ask for it humbly and contritely.
A few months ago, I did something kind of like that. I had done something that didn’t really violate
any rule, but that made me feel like I deserved to be punished for not stepping
up on something I wanted to do. I came
to her, with paddle in hand, and asked her to spank me. She did so, but only after telling me that
she was working on something and that I should sit on the ottoman at the foot
of the bed, back to her as she worked, until she was ready. It was very humbling, and that spanking
remains in my thoughts many weeks later.
The bottom line is, I think I
need to ask her to implement something like the stories, such that after she
has ordered a spanking or I have reported on behavior that deserves one, I have
to present myself when I am ready and ask her for one. She can then decide whether to do it at that
time, or keep me waiting longer.
While everyone should feel
free to talk about the above, it’s not the primary topic this week. Instead, I want to extend the discussion
about the wives’ demeanor during a spanking, from a particular angle. Elizabeth and Frank talked about how she lectures
and disciplines with a smile on her face, and it clearly works for them. At the under end of the spectrum, I prefer it
when my wife is all business and very strict verbally and in terms of her “no
nonsense” demeanor. ZM was somewhere in
the middle, liking his wife’s nice, sweet side when discipline was not in play
but wanting her to be more strict and tough in the DD context.
Right now, when my wife
lectures before a spanking, it tends to be a bit like this:
But, I feel I need it be more
like this:
There is also this, which I think reflects an approach that is stern, if not particularly expressive:
A few weeks ago, Tomy referenced times when Aunt Kay would spank in anger, and how those definitely created a very distinct impression, saying "She was very practical and a real mother bear. So discipline was simply "done when required." The times I got it when she was really angry were - extremely memorable." I hope he will take this opportunity to tell us more about those times.
How about you? Do you want your wife to express whatever anger she feels at your behavior? Disciplinary Wives, does DD help you express your anger or disappointment more openly, or do you feel like that is something you need to control or suppress?
My wife doesn't smile when she is lecturing me before a spanking. My wife is very forceful when she is angry with me. My wife can bring me to tears when she scolds me before she even starts using the paddle on my bottom. I don't cry from the paddle or strap I cry from her words of disappointment in me.
ReplyDeleteI have not cried from a spanking or a lecture, but I've probably been closer during a lecture.
DeleteThis can be a difficult topic as a great many new Dominants are taught or it is suggested to them, not to spank in anger. I guess the thought is anger will or may cause them to lose some control of the situation and actually harm the submissive. In our relationship, we do not want to postpone punishment spankings and deliver them as soon as possible after the incident. My Dominant is one who can punish immediately without letting the anger take control over the spanking. As far as the lecturing, she usually lectures during the spanking and is is more of a corrective lecture rather than a degrading lecture. She says things like...I know other things interfered with your evening, but even with out of the ordinary occurrences, you must remember to do your assigned chores. I hope this helps you to remember....during the spanking.
ReplyDeleteHi SC. I agree that is probably something most "tops" in D/s relationships are taught as the conventional wisdom.
DeleteHi Dan,
ReplyDeleteGreat topic as always. I will jump in very early this week, since I am sitting in an airport killing time, and will likely be beyond busy and recovering from jet lag for the next several days. Of course, I will probably chime in again (and maybe again and again) as the discussion progresses!
Regarding "asking for it" I loved the angle you presented. Normally, I would not like at all going to her on my own volition and self-reporting, since for me it almost completely undermines the whole imposed feeling that makes it feel authentic and she also doesn't like the concept of self-reporting. The same is true even for "mandatory self reporting" unless it is very much tied to a timeframe, for example if she were to say "report to me at 9, and I certainly hope for your sake you have finished." At least at this point in time, I don't see myself just feeling like I should be punished so going and handing her a paddle. For us, it works better if she at least starts the process, like by asking me what I accomplished that day. I do recognize that there is a lot of varying opinion on self-reporting, and so for some it apparently works well so great for them!
Having said all that about self-reporting, it would change everything if she has already announced a punishment and simply tells me to report for punishment when I am ready. We haven't tried it, but I think I can pretty clearly visualize the feelings that I would have. Rather than making it feel less imposed, it would make her control much more evident, and of course it would be humiliating beyond measure, so I am sure if nothing else that would make it very impactful since humiliation plays such a huge role in punishment, often much, much more than pain does.
-ZM
Exactly -- the combination maintains her authority, while ramping up your own embarrassment and sense of dread.
DeleteBack when I was a kid, I had a friend whose parents were very, very strict. His father had a large collection of belts and, when he intended to spank one of his kids, he would make theme go choose the belt they were to be spanked with and bring it to him. All these years later, just thinking about it sends a shiver up my spine.
Hopefully "the belt collection" was for his wardrobe. If they were there strictly for spanking purposes that would be kind of sicko
DeleteNo, they weren't for spanking purposes. Indeed, that would be weird. Well, weirder.
DeleteNow on to the other topic of anger during a punishment...
ReplyDeleteI have commented before that to me it is simply amazing that she can be quite angry about something, but then once she decides we will deal with it by having a #1 (what we call a punishment spanking), she is calm and relaxed and happy and everything just feels normal. It is like she put her emotions in a box and put it on the shelf. Then when the time for the punishment comes around, even if she is her normal happy self before, when she opens that box, the anger is fully manifest again. It has only happened a few times, but each time I have been equally surprised by the resurgence of emotions, and each time I have also experienced the greatly enhanced severity that comes with it, as well as the much larger feelings of guilt for having made her feel this way.
As to whether I want her to express anger? First and foremost I prefer for her to not have occasion to feel angry. But if she is angry, then absolutely it is much better all around (except for possibly my bottom and my pride, both of which will quickly heal) if she clearly and loudly makes her displeasure and anger known. This helps me to understand the effect my actions have had on her and her feelings, and it allows her to feel like she has fully communicated and that I have a real understanding. So this results in better communication for both of us (key to any marriage), a sense of release for her since she was able to vent, and a sense of release of guilt for me, since I have paid the price for my transgression. To me, that seems pretty much exactly like some of the primary reasons we practice DD in the first place.
One caveat I should offer is that if she is angry, the punishments are much, much more severe and also much more memorable. However, it has been a long time (over a year and a hal) since she has punished in anger, and in that time she has become just devastatingly effective at giving hard punishments. Consequently, even though I think it is probably good for her to express her anger during punishments, I am really kind of afraid to experience just how that will be when it inevitably does happen.
-ZM
That is so interesting that she can set her feelings aside like that, then they come screaming back at the time the discipline is imposed.
DeleteI really struggle to think of a time when my own wife has, in fact, spanked in anger. That's probably because so few of our spankings happen on the spot. There often is a multi-day gap between offense and punishment, which means she usually has cooled down. Plus, it isn't all that often that what I am being spanked for is something that had a big impact on her. It is more often drinking, being unproductive, etc. She can, and should, spank me for things like not showing sufficient respect, but she really has not done that despite us talking about it a lot.
Hi Dan,
ReplyDeleteInterestingly enough, the several times this has happened, there were at least 4 or 5 days between "sentencing" and "execution." She was completely normal in between, so I was surprised at the intensity of the shelved feelings.
Of course other times, generally for more minor offenses, we have talked so much about the issue in between time that she felt it was resolved and no punishment occurred.
Maybe it is only when she is really angry that she can put her feelings on the shelf, because she doesn't even want to think about it, but when she finally does....
-zm
ZM refers surprise at how his wife is able to access her anger when spanking time comes around even if it's been delayed.
DeleteYup. Been there. It amazed me too that life could go on with such pleasant normality and then when session time came she had every last bit of her angry passion available.
I have someone in my work life who professes a similar ability to completely put things out of his mind. He described it to me as putting those thoughts in a little box, tying it with a bow and putting it on a shelf until he needs to address the situation again. It is a very hard thing for me to get my mind around, because I have zero ability to do anything like that. I tend to obsess about anything and everything until I have actually resolved the situation one way or another.
DeleteThe first picture, the one most of you DD boys do not prefer, depicts our situation very well, including a wife who is smartly dressed while the husband is stripping naked in front of her -- and right down to the wife counting on her fingers, her little smile, and even our hair colors! If there were a paddle instead of a hairbrush, I would swear an artist had sneaked into our house on a Friday evening!
ReplyDeleteAnd that picture is just the way both Frank and I want it -- tough LOVE through domestic discipline. Neither of us is into the humiliation aspect of DD, as so many of you seem to be. Sometime humiliation may be an unavoidable byproduct (such as when my sister came to visit while Frank was "in position" in the kitchen), but I don't try to create it intentionally. I want Frank to know he is loved even while acquiring bruises from me.
I rarely spank in anger because our Friday night ritual means that most transgressions occurred days before. But that doesn't mean I don't swing hard or scold LOUD (as Frank has mentioned, my voice has gotten louder since I began swinging the paddle). I think some of you believe that my scolding isn't serious because of the wry smile and lack of anger, but Frank can assure you that it is!
For us, and to me this is an important point, DD has REDUCED the anger in our marriage by an exponential degree. That is possibly the most important benefit -- that I do not feel resentful about his behavior! Why would I possibly want to feel the anger that some of you describe? Anger is an unhealthy emotion that does not feel good at all, in my opinion.
Do I vent while spanking and scolding? Yes! Do I sometimes feel relieved and calm after paddling Frank? Yes. So I feel I get the benefits without the detriments of anger: flushed, rapid heartbeat, anxiety, and most of all, distance from my husband.
I guess I just don't have the control of some of the wives described here who can flip their anger on and off like a light switch. To me, and to everyone I have ever seen get angry, it doesn't work that way. I'd love to hear from a wife who can actually do that rather than having her feelings interpreted through her spanked husband.
Forgot to sign. Elizabeth
DeleteThat "counting" thing was her basic go-to. All she had to do, any time, was start counting and she had my full attention. It was her "secret signal" if we were in public that she was displeased and was "taking notes."
DeleteI can recall saying, half jokingly, in a child-like way "don't count."
Elizabeth, I don't think anyone is doubting or questioning that your way works and is what you and Frank both want. That is great. Full stop.
DeleteI'm not sure you are giving others quite that same credit, i.e. that what works for you may not work for them and, yet, what they do is still loving and supporting. In fact, your comment suggests that, for example, if a wife does take a stern tone or let anger show, then she doesn't LOVE him or he won't feel like she LOVES him. I don't think that is true or, frankly, fair to the comments that have made. ZM likes the word "humiliation. I prefer "humbling." Some men don't want or need either of those to put them in a compliant frame of mind or to bring about change. For others, the primary hurdle is overcoming our own egos and surrendering to someone else's authority, and spanking may or may not be enough to overcome that on its own. For me, I need a fairly aggressive approach from her to break through all the layers of ego and Alpha mindset. Or, I need her to sand down those ego elements by not cutting me any slack. If she adopts a very forceful demeanor, it doesn't mean I don't think she loves me. To the contrary. There have even been times that she has called me out strongly on something and, while it felt biting at the time, she was RIGHT to call me out on it. It happened recently when she made a very pointed comment about whether someone senior to me at work (someone who she knows I don't quite gel with but who has undeniably been very successful both at work and at other aspects of his life) would engage in some behavior I was engaging in, implying that I was not behaving in a way an exec at my level or who wants to get to his level should behave. I was really pissed at the comment at the time, and it was cutting -- precisely because it was true! That fairly direct and cutting observation had a lot more impact on me than did the ensuing spanking.
I totally get that Frank may not want or need that, but I hope you are equally willing to recognize that what works for you doesn't necessarily work for every DD couple and that when they recount what does work for them it doesn't mean they are criticizing what works for you.
There also are ranges in between lecturing with a smile and full on "bitch." I have added another picture to the post, one which I have always found compelling because we have no idea what the woman is saying, but the stern look suggests the tone she is using, and it plainly is having the desired effect.
I agree with you that one of the main benefits of DD is that it reduces the overall anger in the marriage, but I think that is a different point. The DD reduces the anger by giving it an outlet, but the same can be said about vocally expressing dissatisfaction and backing it up with consequences. It short-circuits the anger and keeps it form turning into resentment.
Regarding the ability to set anger aside, see my reply to Tomy above. Setting aside anger until the right moment to vent it is not a skill or innate ability that I have either, but I do know people who seem to be able to do it. My wife also does not deal with anger in that way. As I said, she does not spank in anger, but that is largely because either the thing she is spanking for is not something that inherently causes her anger or because several days have passed and her anger has passed or diminished as well.
Actually, I ended up adding a couple of additional drawings.
DeleteIf I could programme a voice tone into Mrs GL for use during my chastisements it would be a sharp loving exasperation. Like others experience she likes to leave me uncertain as to when a post drunken deserved smacked bottom will be delivered and for me that is much more effective than anger. In terms of release after for me her anger would not allow it. Cheers Good Life Mickey.
ReplyDelete"Sharp loving exasperation" seems like a nice mix.
DeleteThis is Elizabeth's Frank. There have been times when she has required me to go get certain implements or to pick out the implements to be used on me ("one light, one medium, and one very hard"). There also have been some occasions where I had to wait for a spanking. Her mother used to like to call on Friday nights and occasionally would time it so the phone would ring with me naked and bent over with the first swat about to fall. Elizabeth would answer jovially and I would know that I was going to be bent over awaiting that first swat for many minutes. I found it extremely humbling and extremely erotic as she chatted away. After the phone call she would pick up the paddle and say, "Now where were we?" And laugh merrily. Once she looked me over and said, "Oh my, you've been in the manly way all this time?" I love my disciplinary wife!
ReplyDeleteHi Frank. I can definitely understand why you would find that erotic. I have several drawings that involve women pausing to talk on the phone in the middle of a spanking, and there is something very erotic about it. I'm not quite sure why that is, but it definitely strikes me that way.
DeleteThere is something about her being on the phone that is scary and erotic. Like the person is going to ask, "So what are you doing right now?" And she's going to say, "Oh, nothing much, just giving my husband his weekly paddling."
DeleteOr that she might just resume my punishment while still on the phone so that the other person hears it!
Do I want these things to happen? No. Am I in control of whether they happen? No. Do I find that erotic? Yes. I guess we DD husbands are a bit crazy ...
Those are part of the erotic attraction to me, too. But, there is something else that I can’t quite put my finger on. Something about the “all business” approach in which spanking her husband is just part of her normal world, like writing a grocery list or paying the bills. Nothing out of the ordinary that would keep her from pausing to answer the phone. There is a very casual and comfortable authority in it.
DeleteI too think the telephone thing is a bit erotic. For me It is not so much because she might tell the person calling; though this is of course possible, if she wants to tell someone it seems more likely she might tell a close friend or maybe her sister and probably face to face. For me, it is more because of the sheer naughtiness of the whole thing, and that the person on the other end of the line will never have any idea that they just entered a very, very private moment.
Delete-ZM
To me, it’s almost the opposite. It doesn’t seem like she feels it is naughty at all. She’s all business, as if it is the most natural thing in the world.
DeleteI totally get the whole "all business, most natural thing in the world" attitude. I was referring to the feeling that the person being spanked might feel that some unsuspecting person has in a way "entered" the room by calling. Even though the person who called almost certainly has no idea what is going on, to the person being spanked, there might be a very real feeling that the person is in someway present and witnessing his predicament. I probably failed to explain it well here, even when trying to clarify!
Delete-ZM
Sometimes while talking on the phone to her mother, Elizabeth would sit in an easy chair behind me. With me bent over naked, waiting to be punished. I could swear that I thought her mother could see me through the phone! And every time they laughed I thought it was about my predicament. I knew she wasn't going to tell her mother but I thought these things anyway. Something about the heightened senses and heightened sense of anticipation while waiting for punishment.
DeleteFrank
I have recounted this before in a post or two, but I did have one actual DD phone experience. I told one close work friend (female) about our DD lifestyle, when we were pretty new to it. She was also friends with Anne, and I told Anne that I had told her. One day, they went to a football game together. On the way home, they called me from the car. Anne announced she was in the car with our friend, who was going to drop her off at our house. She then said something like:"I'm going to come home long enough to pick you up, then you're going to take me out to dinner. You owe me after coming in late last night. And, by the way, after we get back from dinner, I am going to spank your bottom like it hasn't been spanked in a very long time. You aren't going to sit for a week."
DeleteTotally mortifying.
Have you had to face the friend since, and how did it go? I am perpetually embarrassed to face Elizabeth's sister after she came to visit while I was in position for a spanking in the next room - and called out to me to make sure I knew that she knew the situation. I just can't even look her in the eye, let alone talk about it, even though i know she also gets spanked by her spouse! She is the only one in the world who knows for sure about our DD.
DeleteFrank
Yes, she is a close friend and, while I don’t see her often, we do still run into each other from time to time. She is a very non-judgmental person, and that plus our strong friendship was probably why I told her about it in the first place. And, me telling her about it was my own choice, so whatever embarrassment I went through with the phone incident was my own damn fault. But, even though I was the one who brought the subject up, yes, I still feel a little embarrassed that she knows that about me. And, it is certainly possible she has told her husband about it, which also would be cause for embarrassment.
DeleteShe is one of two people who (a) know my real identity; (b) I’ve met in person; and (c) know about our DD relationship. And, yes, it still is embarrassing that they know even though it was my fault that they do. The male ego at work . . .
Recently my sister's husband and I went hunting and I bagged a couple ducks while he got none. When we got back to my house, Elizabeth's sister was there. My brother-in-law made a comment about my good shooting and called me "macho man." And my sister-in-law, who can be rather saucy, said, "Oh, I don't think he's always so macho."
DeleteThen she giggled, and so did my wife. I knew exactly what she was referring to and blushed bright red.
But her husband gave her a stern look and said, "Are you being a bit rude, dear?" And then SHE blushed and clammed up, and I imagine she may have experienced a bit of DD when they got home!
Frank
I meant my wife's sister's husband. Argh
DeleteFrank
Hi Frank. Can you give any background on how you know she gets spanked? Is it disciplinary spankings?
DeleteI only know what Elizabeth has told me, which is not a whole lot. She has said she finds it interesting that domestic discipline is practiced in both sisters' families, but with the genders opposite. She won't tell me more. But occasionally I notice light scolding and warning looks that are evident as DD to those of us who experience them.
DeleteFrank
Got it. That also confirms my bias that men can’t keep secrets, but women sure can.
DeleteDan,
ReplyDeleteThis is Frank again. I like the term "casual and comfortable authority." I think that is exactly what Elizabeth exhibits. And her not acting angry fits right into that. Why get angry when she can casually order me to put what I just did on my Friday list and she knows I will pay dearly for it? She has become so comfortable as a disciplinary wife, and as we have described has become more comfortable with herself. Our whole marriage is casual and comfortable, and DD has a lot to do with it.
It makes sense. I think my wife too is becoming a lot more comfortable; it just takes a slightly different form. Which is totally natural. I doubt any two couples in this dynamic are going to have identical approaches.
DeleteYou know what else is really erotic that your first picture shows? Elizabeth actually dresses up to punish me. She wears a dress and heels and earrings and nail polish. I didn't realize for a long time that she was doing it just for our session, as I leave for work on Fridays before she dresses and she would look that way when I got home. And she always dresses nice nowadays. But it's fancier on Fridays and I finally figured it out and asked her. At first she said that maybe we would go out to dinner after punishment so she wanted to be ready. (I can never eat before a paddling). But later she admitted it was more than that. She said she wanted to emphasize the distinction between how she looks - classy and womanly - and how I look - naked and naughty. And wow does it turn me on.
ReplyDeleteThis is a point where yours and mine differ. I don't think Anne has ever dressed differently for a spanking. But, that also could because we don't have a designated day on which it is going to happen. The vast majority end up happening on Saturdays, but we haven't really established that as "Discipline Day." Rather, it just seems to be the day that we most often have to ourselves.
DeleteHi Frank,
DeleteI can see how her dressing up would further emphasize the temporary power shift. As I have written several times before, my wife and I confuse things a bit by doing both "real" DD (real punishments for real infractions with real emotions and trying to effect real change) and also sometimes we do fantasy roleplay. She generally doesn't dress up in any way at all during the DD punishments, but loves to dress up for the roleplay things. I think the main reason she doesn't dress up for punishments is to try to further delineate them from fantasy play, though I think there is also a certain amount of the "all business" approach Dan mentioned earlier, where punishing me is just another task that needs to happen.
-ZM
In our case we have agreed upon rules, that if broken, are, without exception, punished. Our home is an empty nest so the punishment takes place relatively soon after the incident.The intensity of the punishment is directly related to my wife's anger. However as mad as she may be, I completely trust my wife to keep the paddling or strapping safe and fair based on the violation. I initiated DD in our household because many of my behavioral traits were ruining our marriage and I was guilty about that and wanted to change, and wanted my wife to feel she had a means to punish that behavior and to "even the score" quickly so we could get back to normal. It ended the misery we both experienced from the sometimes lengthy silent treatment caused by the suppressed resentment caused by the misbehavior. When I am punished, my wife is not smiling and lets me know in no uncertain terms my behavior must change both verbally and with her paddle.I have learned to suppress bad behavior, my wife is happy with her power to correct any bad behavior on my part, and our marriage is both happier and running smoothly.
ReplyDeleteI also used to use the silent treatment on my husband, and it hurt me more than it hurt him. The paddle is a much much better strategy. Our marriage has improved very much like yours, though I can't say that Frank was ruining the marriage. But his little boyness was quite aggravating.
DeleteI agree that punishing right after the misbehavior is typically more effective. We could do that now that we are without children in the home, but our Friday routine is well-established and I like limiting punishment to once a week.
And of course I swing hard but with a smile and a bit of humor. There is something slightly ridiculous about a 60-something man getting his bare butt blistered. We try not to take ourselves too seriously in any aspect of our lives, even DD.
Elizabeth
From my end of the paddle (the receiving end), I would certainly say that no matter how much a spanking hurts, I would much prefer it to getting the silent treatment. Also, a spanking brings quick closure, where the distance from the silent treatment seems to be in some way cumulative, and can ultimately destroy a marriage.
DeleteBecause we aren't yet empty-nesters, we spend a lot of time and effort trying to make punishments more silent so I guess we are trying to find a new type of "silent treatment!" If anyone has any good ideas, please let me know!
-ZM
Switches and canes are the quietest implements. And husbands can be trained to be quiet.
DeleteA husband who knows
If I had to tally up the benefits of DD commenters have identified here, I think that bringing quick closure to disagreements would win hands down.
DeleteI can’t think of anything more silent than the cane.
This is Elizabeth. I agree that quick closure is the number one benefit of DD, but I don't agree that it is closure to "disagreements," as if the disciplinary wife might settle any disagreement with the paddle.
DeleteIf Frank and I are discussing whether to use our savings account for a new car or a house project or keep the funds in savings, and we are disagreeing, I am not going to say, "You need to see it my way, so pull down your pants." That would be a misuse of my disciplinary authority.
Now if he starts getting obnoxious and sarcastic about our disagreement, as he sometimes does when he is frustrated, then you can be sure that the paddle will be employed.
So it is not simple disagreement that needs quick closure via DD. It is some form of disrespect exhibited by the husband, whether it be direct disrespect or indirect disrespect such as ignoring agreed-upon chores (spring cleaning is under way) or not calling when coming home late for work (again!). Both of which will be addressed this Friday!
For DD "silent treatment":
DeleteHave the kids in front of the TV with plenty of snacks.
Be on a different floor at the opposite end of the house.
Face him away from the end of the house where the kids are.
Sound is directional.
Put a towel along the bottom of the door.
Put on some music.
Gag the husband. Panties make an excellent and sexy gag.
Have him lie on the bed over pillows to raise his bottom, with his face buried in a pillow. This will muffle sound
Use a cane. Cane slowly so there is a chance for the husband to catch his breath after each stroke.
Make him exhale just before each stroke. The cane landing will result in a sharp inhale, but that is far quieter than exhaling which often will include the voice.
Promise him a double dose later if he makes too much noise.
Praise him for keeping quiet.
Maybe offer a reward if he stays in position and silent throughout.
A husband who knows
My wife expresses whatever anger she feels during the spanking. However hard she feels she needs to do it and however many times she feels she needs to do it, she does it. The accompanying emotions alluded to here are less important to her, as they are simply channeled into the spanking.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth - "We try not to take ourselves too seriously in any aspect of our lives, even DD." Hooray!!
ReplyDeleteDev never spanks when she is totally upset. She says she’s afraid of causing true or permanent damage. Sometimes it could be a couple hours or a few days. I’d prefer to get it over with ASAP. Waiting several days is nerve racking. When the time arrives she is still upset but now in more control. The sentence is carried out and depending on the severity of the situation, she may be in a good mood again or take some time to recover again . JR
ReplyDeleteFrom a safety perspective, she’s probably right.
DeleteMy wife only spanked me in the heat of real anger once. My crime was "mansplaining". She hates that, and I have to confess I used to be bad for it. She says it makes her feel as though I doubt her intelligence. I don't doubt her intelligence, but it used to be a bad habit. Unconscious sexism, I suppose. On the occasion in question, she blew up and tore a strip off me in front of another couple with whom we are friends. It was a loud, angry scolding that seemed to go on an on as our friends watched with evident surprise. That was extremely embarrassing. It was like receiving a verbal spanking in public. It was doubly embarrassing because her anger seemed totally justified to me, and I felt as though my friends must agree with her that I was a jerk. (She had previously scolded me for that, but never in front of other people). I figured that was probably the end of it. I thought she was so angry with me that she wouldn't even bother to spank me afterwards. But when we went to the bedroom to get ready for bed after our friends left, she ordered me in a very angry voice to pull down my pants and bend over the end of the bed. She then struck my bum about six times with all her might, using a heavy leather strap. Each blow made me cry out in pain, and I think the pain was all the worse because the intensity communicated very clearly how angry she was with me. "Don't you ever do that again!" she said when she had finished. She then banished me to the guest room for the night to stew in my remorse by myself. I was relieved when she accepted my apology the next morning. Having calmed down herself, she told me that she had blown up because she had previously told me many times that she hated my that habit and she felt frustrated that I never learned. That was a few years ago, and I am happy to say that I have never since repeated that offence. After reading this week's post, I asked my wife if she remembered the one time she punished me in real anger, and she also remembered this episode. She acknowledged that I have been "pretty good" about curbing that bad habit since then.
DeleteThanks, Anonymous. Sounds like the open expression of anger was what it took to get your attention.
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