Hi all. Welcome to
the 13th Annual Love Our Lurkers day. In
a nutshell, it is a day for us to celebrate, and encourage, all those who drop
by our blogs regularly but never leave a comment. For a more fulsome explanation of the
concept, please go to Hermione's wonderful blog:
http://hermionesheart.blogspot.com.
While I encourage our lurkers to take give
our weekly topics a try, on Love our Lurkers day, any comment will do. Just stop by and say hi. I would like to particularly encourage any of our current or wannabe Disciplinary Wives to take the opportunity to say hello.
Dan
I am a disciplinary wife whose husband is a lurker here and he shows me posts of interest. I might post occasionally if there were more wives here; I recently enjoyed what Helen wrote.
ReplyDeleteI knew for years that my husband looked at spanking porn, though he did not know I knew. I thought it was just a fantasy. But on his 50th birthday he emailed me a lengthy letter asking me to start spanking him and explaining all the reasons why it would be good for our marriage. He said he had been craving it for decades and turning 50 had triggered him to act.
I wasn't shocked at all at his request. I was more surprised it had taken him so long to ask, as I felt we had pretty good communication already.
I gave him a light hand spanking on his bare bottom that very night. The benefits were immediate. For the next week he was more attentive than he had ever been, both in and out of the bedroom. He helped more around the house, was more polite, started opening doors for me like when we were courting 25 years before.
We still had teenagers in the house but they went on dates on the weekends so over time Friday night became "reckoning night" for us. I think that might have been suggested on Aunt Kay's DWC, which we both read for assistance.
We both make lists throughout the week, then review them together and I assign implements and number of swats for each offense. He is a good man and husband so these are minor things like interrupting, for getting chores he has agreed to, leaving his socks on the floor, etc.
The spanking is very real but always done with love rather than anger. We always end the evening in each other's arms.
We are soon to be senior citizens, so I have been spanking him for almost 15 years. I have to say that virtually everything he wrote in that letter has come true. Our marriage is better with spanking in it.
Elizabeth
Thanks, Elizabeth, and welcome. Please come back again.
DeleteDan
Your entry brought me great joy as does every sweet reference I see about Aunt Kay. Glad you are here.
DeleteI concur that Helen made good comments. Her comments took me from a lurker to a participant. I related alot to several of her comments.
DeleteMy once spanked husband is now in a nursing home. I miss the closeness we shared with DD. Sooo, now I just lurk.
ReplyDeleteHi Verity. I'm sorry to hear that. Please feel free to join in any time.
DeleteVerity - I too have lost my loving DD partner and have found this blog to be a safe place. So I encourage you to share what you wish, it's theraputic.
DeleteDan,
ReplyDeleteI found your blog a while ago and enjoyed reading your entries. Then a couple of months ago I started reading the comments and discovered your commnentor community. A few weeks ago I went back and read a number of the previous blog entries from over the years. All I can say is that I am amazed by the deep and rich record of loving DD you have inspired and captured here.
I am skeptical of any DD related material online (well not just DD related) but the authenticity expressed by the community here compels me to accept some of it is real. I am glad to know that you and others have developed DD relationships. My wife chose not to have anything to do with my interests, but she is more valuable to me than any of my DD desires. Without any real experiences to share, I lurk occasionally.
Best to you and your amazing community.
K
Thanks, K. Thanks for your kind words. I'm sorry your wife wouldn't explore your interests, but you are a wise man to place your overall relationship above your interest in DD.
DeleteHi Dan,
ReplyDeleteFrom a long time lurker; Thank You very much for keeping up the blog. I hope to some day have something relevant to comment on but so far not much luck.
FF
Dan,
ReplyDeleteI’m not exactly a lurker since I’ve posted occasionally over the years. I am a disciplined husband, which started as intimate play when we got married (actually before) and grew from there. We had dry spells over the years from lack of privacy and family obligations. My wife has a nice paddle she uses to keep me on the right path, and some corner time. When we are out with other people she loves to remind me that I might be the only husband in our circle of friends who has to put up with discipline from his own wife. I think she enjoys rubbing my nose in it, and I like it too. It pays for me to keep her happy. I hope you had a wonderful holiday too.
Hi Anonymous. Thanks for dropping by. I suspect mine too takes some perverse pleasure knowing probably is the only woman in her social set who swings a paddle, at least for disciplinary purposes.
Delete(1/2)
ReplyDeleteThis is probably the best topic to try and introduce myself on..
and mention that i don't go talking or contributing on any online forums or blogs so let me apologize now for any nervous rambling that i don't manage to edit before posting, lol.
This blog has been very beneficial for me in the sense of helping me pin point what i had been craving in my relationship and communicate it in ways i was personally unable to by myself, as well as continuously build the confidence to express it, from everyone's comments and experiences this is a great place to not feel excluded or odd from this dynamic considering it's not very "mainstream" or overly acceptable to our oh-so-progressive-but-not-there-yet gender norms.
So from possibly a slightly different point of view than i've really seen around here so far, (unless I've missed them) as the domme, i was the one who tried to introduce this lifestyle to my significant other with very little success when we had first gotten together about four years ago, after we moved in together. There was a lot of reckless, inconsiderate, rude, & just lazy behavior that I wanted to improve w not only firm structure but as well as a very imbedded kink of mine. (spanking, duh)
He really only viewed it as play, as i may have approached poorly & he didnt take any rules into real consideration (my fault for not enforcing them as hard as i could have i think) told me "No" often and physically resisted me, being much larger than me he's clearly capable of that and it had completely killed my confidence for it as a whole, plus his continuous mindset of it not being "fun" and "what did i get out of it" BECAUSE it wasnt "fun" was immensely frustrating, so our poorly defined & communicated dynamic soon dwindled out of existence. Heavily due to both of us in a plethora of areas.
Though it never left my mind, my kink & dominant urges making sure of that, i was the one searching f/m spanking porn, erotica, and constantly checking blogs & forums like this one, tho many not as frequently updated, wishing it was something i was able to implement into my relationship and being disappointed with every conversation of it past the first time since it was so badly executed.
Especially as my happiness and sex drive plummented.
Something about lifestyle discipline just always has me in the mood & more, vs him getting pissy over my naturally dominant mindset in daily things like "hey, don't touch that please" as he has a very bad habit of SEEING with his hands and is very clumsy, so often something is getting knocked over and broken. Quite an embarrassment when it's another's belongings or a store, as well as sometimes costly.
That would often be met with "im not gonna drop it" / "you're not my mom" or "stop telling me what to do" , etc.
(Let me mention here that he didn't really get spanked growing up, once by a grandfather , which was apparently a rather harsh one with a hand, and a belt i believe which scared him as he'd never been disciplined, rarely by his dad who he hardly lived with until he was too old to spank by their standards and almost never by his mom, an extreme pushover, beyond a swat or two over clothes)
(i think I'm rambling by now but i think it's all relevant lol)
Vs if i tell him to put something down / don't touch that and am met w immediate compliance and maybe even a "yes ma'am" i just GUSH, i completely do love even that little bit of control and it does really make me happy, plus it saves the fight, whether he listens or not since he'd know what's to come from disobedience.
So four years later and revisiting this blog more often lately for the courage I finally musted it up to bring up a final time, as a "last hope" for our relationship really, as I really am not happy and his behavior is just a huge part of that.
(2/THREE) ??
ReplyDeleteI am constantly cleaning up after him, he thinks its ok and appropriate to make offhand hurtful comments at me to get the Oooo factor from his drinking buddy co-workers, he's incredibly dismissive of my feelings and what I expect of him and i had managed to tell him all this rather calmly with this lifestyle again as our solution.
I am focusing on the worse parts of our relationship for this and as a non flr it sounds leave worthy in my opinion, but we really do work very well together, he's a great man, works hard, has helped me through really intense bouts of mental struggles and is always giving back to people as a whole, he's just become very lazy and comfortable in our relationship to no longer be helpful or mindful when it comes to anything and it's really been affecting everything.
He was VERY apprehensive about it and mentioned the first experience, as i thought he would. He brought up that it had made him feel insecure as he wasn't "good enough" for me trying to correct things he "couldn't help" (we had too many small rules all at once, looking back)
I tried my best to explain how much it would be different and put a lot of emphasis on how i wanted something REAL, not play, for the benefit of our relationship, things that could be fixed to help us both handle situations swiftly, before they get out of control and hurt both our feelings and moods.
After a long three day discussion over my expectations, his concerns, how it would be implemented, and more, he agreed it would be a good idea and that he was willing to try again, and how we'd get started.
I haven't introduced him to any related blogs or such content, but I did read (on here I think) tho from a males /(subs?) point of view that it would be good to list most recent infractions that could be implemented to an immediate spanking to initiate, but since he wasn't the one who had brought it up between us i was nervous he might have thought that was unfair, which i thought wasn't a good place to start off, tho maybe I was still lacking the confidence.
I also acknowledged he had been really, really well behaved for more than a week before the talk as my mood had been off trying to think of a good way to start the topic and ik he noticed something was wrong and was being very attentive and helpful, so there wasn't anything that was overly recent worth spanking him for that would still be very "fair" in my opinion.
I told him that for the first time of every expectation or rule would be his only warning, since i know these things more on the spot than I do just to make a list, and i would let him know, along w how I wanted it dealt w as well as letting him know he would be spanked the next time.
Like he'll get 1 verbal reminder that he's supposed to take the trash out when full and a warning that the next time will be more of a physical one.
I told him about my confidence issue and told him that "no" is no longer an option, his spankings are up to me and me only, because of his behavior or doings that are hurtful to me or our relationship.
Since then, it's only been about five whole days since our talk, but his ENTIRE attitude as already changed way more than i would have expected from him not even receiving his "first" spanking since reintroducing this, though I really feel I should have already gotten that done with, even as just an initiation spanking, butbut really hasn't given me the opportunity to correct anything as he's been extremely up & at em w anything I ask of him, chores ive gone over, first warnings, attitude, everything.
(3/3 I should have double checked the counter)
ReplyDeleteExample, he turns his phone volume down for work, yet hangs out with people after work when i decide to stay home, i don't mind this at all but I can't get a hold of him for hours if I want/need to because his ringer is off. Not only does this frustrate me but makes me worried, he knows this and routinely forgets, he got a warning of this verryy soon after our talk and hasn't forgotten to turn it up or let me know his phone was close to dying and where he was at once since.
I am concerned he may lash out? Or try and change his mind/ regret it after the first real spanking, or just think I won't follow through if he's really good for a time, but this is already a completely different turn than it was before, and has been.
So i have a really optimistic outlook on this so far?
I apologize if my comment is too lengthy, I had a lot i wanted to share and still held back lol. Though if I knew beforehand that i had to cut it up in to so many comments I might have shortened what i said
I really hope to keep sharing positive (shorter) updates as we work through his first spanking and all the hiccups that arise.
I also hope to join this whole community & contribute a bit more to topics if not unwelcome.
Wrapping it up, thank you! For your great blog, great writing, and openness online that's helped me moved forward with this again, in my relationship.
faith ~
Hi Faith. Thanks for sharing. No problem regarding the length. I look forward to hearing more about how all this is working out for you, especially since you will be one of the only women contributing here who actually initiated the DD relationship. Good luck!
DeleteI drop by often myself. I'm interested in having a DD agreement in place for the betterment of my relationship. Not as foreplay or anything other than discipline and punishment to adjust my own behavior that currently causes frustration and stress in my marriage. At this time my wife is reluctant or more like unwilling st times to enter a (FL)DD rlationship stating that if I want to change, I can without her discipline. It's not that easy though. No matter how I would like to change to being a more respectful caring hudband... it either doesn't happen or it only last a short time. I think with propper loving discipline involved regularly our stressed marriage would be better. I'll keep trying.
ReplyDelete