Saturday, November 10, 2018

The Club - Meeting #273 - Origins

“There are moments when one has to choose between living one's own life, fully, entirely, completely-or dragging out some false, shallow, degrading existence that the world in its hypocrisy demands.” – Oscar Wilde


Hi all.  I hope you had a great week.  Mine was OK.  Nothing special.  Work remains slow, but the pipeline shows a few signs of opening up.  I have my fingers crossed, as I really don't do well with these periods of inactivity.  "Idle hands . . ." and all that.

I also can't say that the downtime has contributed to my creativity in coming up with topics.  I finally gave up on thinking up anything new.  A couple of weeks ago when we were in the midst of some, ahem, drama here at the Disciplinary Couples Club, ZM made a plea to focus on things that draw us together around this common interest in Domestic Discipline.  At the top of his list was:

"How it started for you... Who initiated? Why? How?" 

I somehow always have the impression that we cover this one frequently.  But, looking back at the topic list, it's actually been a couple of years since we had a topic specifically focusing on how each of our Disciplinary Couples first got into this.  So, let's do it again.  Tell us your own origin story.  How did you first get into it?  If your current relationship is not your first in which Domestic Discipline played a big role, tell us about both how you originally got started, and how it began with your current partner.



I've posted our story before, but for some of our new visitors, here it is again:

Until about 10 years into our marriage, we had never heard the term “domestic discipline.”  We had a good relationship over those years, but it was conventional and also not particularly well-balanced.   I had always been more than a little, shall we say, “Type A.”  I tended to do everything to excess.  I grew up with few, if any, real boundaries and none that were every really enforced.  When my wife and I first met, she probably found my excess and brashness attractive, but I doubt she envisioned that ten years later not much would have changed. 

My wife was more balanced and centered, but if anything she was a little too much my opposite.  While I was intense and loud and bombastic, she was modest and not particularly assertive.  Despite her many accomplishments, she had a hard time taking charge.  She was raised in a very traditional, male dominated family.  Her dad worked.  Her mom raised the family.  He spent evenings at happy hour with his cronies.  She got mad about it and pouted, and he slept on the couch for a few nights.  My wife brought some of those same dispute resolution mechanisms to our marriage.
    
It wasn't really good for either of us.  Growing up without rules or boundaries had left me feeling out of control as a kid, and here I was as 30+ year-old man, still feeling out of control and overwhelmed with the responsibility of making too many decisions. My wife, on the other hand, was not developing into all she could be.

Then . . . things changed.  While corporal punishment was very prevalent where I grew up, I don’t recall having thought about spankings even once as an adult.  Then, one night we were watching an HBO series called “Real Sex.” There was a segment devoted to adult erotic spanking, featuring a couple spanking each other with leather paddles and a riding crop.  It did turn me on, and since I thought our sex life could use some spicing up, a few days later I bought a small leather paddle at a sex toy “novelty” shop.  My wife had zero interest in being spanked but was happy to try it on me.  Although it was fun, it never went beyond foreplay and was not “real” in any sense.  Sometimes it did drift into a form of role play, in which she would "punish" me for various real misdeeds.  After a few modest swats with the flimsy leather paddle, we would have sex.

The problem was, while the spankings were pretend, the bad behavior was real.  Since it was all foreplay and ended in a nice orgasm, in essence I was being rewarded for bad behavior.  Once she became concerned that she might be reinforcing behavior that made her quite angry, she put an end to the whole thing.  Thereafter, if I came across spanking-related content on the internet I might read it or follow a link to other content, but it didn't really bother me at all that my wife was not interested in making spanking an ongoing part of our sex life. It just hadn't been that big a thing for either of us.

Then, one night many months later I followed one of those spanking-related links to a  website called the Disciplinary Wives Club. It’s been so many years ago, I don't recall exactly what led me to it.  But, I definitely do remember the effect it had on me. It hit me like a sledgehammer.  Like no experience I had ever had before, and nothing at all like the erotic spankings we had dabbled in.  What was so different about the DWC?  Well, even though it was all about spanking it wasn’t porn, and most of the material was not even overtly sexual.  Nor were the spankings it depicted facially erotic. Instead, they were real spankings, intended to be real punishment to correct real misbehavior. There were fictional and “real couple” stories illustrating this disciplinary lifestyle, all of them involving wives spanking their husbands in order to discipline or punish them for bad behavior or rule breaking. 

Those stories really, really got to me. Especially the ones involving tears.  Many of the wives announced at the outset that the spanking would not end until after the misbehaving husband was crying – perhaps long after.  Something about that affected me in ways I find hard to describe.  Looking back, I’m not sure it was the spanking per se that really got to me.  Rather, it was the prospect of giving up control in a way I had never, ever done in my entire life.  It was really, truly terrifying.  Yet, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. 

I could not imagine raising the prospect with my wife, but after days of thinking of nothing else, I could not imagine not raising it.  The lure was just too strong, though it  made my male ego tremble.


After a few days of living like that, I initiated the discussion while we were in bed getting ready to go to sleep.  The lights were off, which was good because I was so embarrassed that I don’t think I could have faced her with them on.  I began with something like, "I found this funny website on the internet. . .." and explained the basic premise: women taking control by using real corporal punishment on their husbands.  She started to object that she was not interested in using spanking as foreplay anymore, but I stammered  out how this was different.  These spankings were . . . real. 

She didn’t say much, as I stuttered my way through a description of the relationships the DWC depicted.  When I was done, she paused for several moments, then asked whether I was suggesting this as something I actually wanted to try.  I almost lost my nerve, but finally told her the truth; the idea scared the hell out of me, had left me with butterflies in my stomach and little sleep for three days but, yes, I did want to try it.  

Then, it all came spilling out.  How I felt our marriage was unbalanced.  How unbalanced I felt inside.  How I needed someone to rein me in when I acted up.  And, what I thought it might do for her.  How I didn’t like her feeling like she was playing second fiddle in our relationship. How I wanted so much more for her than that. How I knew there was a strong and decisive woman in there and that maybe this would help bring that woman out.  She listened intently but noncommittally.  She did she would take a look at the DWC website, though I suspected she might let the whole thing drop. 

Nope. She called me at the office the next day. After a few pleasantries, there was a pause, and she stated: “Well . . I visited that website.”


"And, . . .?" I asked, tentatively.

There was a long pause.  "Very interesting," she replied.   

That was it. Interesting.  "So . . . what does that mean . . ." I stammered.

"Well, I guess it means you need to go buy me a nice, heavy wooden hairbrush.  Bring it home with you tonight."

The rest, as they say, is history.  I won't go into the rest of the details here, other than to note that finding a sturdy, wooden hairbrush was harder than I anticipated.  I finally found something serviceable, after walking around a mall for an hour, with this peculiar mix of extreme arousal and equally extreme anxiety.  

Before the first spanking, we established a set of rules. First and foremost, she would control when and how hard I was spanked, period.  While she would listen to my views, she would control the process at all times.  Second, every spanking would be serious.  She still was concerned that “play” spankings could reinforce bad behavior, so our spankings had to be "real" each and every time.
It's odd that while I recall virtually everything leading up to that first spanking, I don't recall a lot about the main event.  I suspect that is because we followed a prescription that was iconic but resulted in a less-than-memorable spanking:  over-the-knee position, with a hairbrush.

We graduated pretty quickly to wooden paddles and leather straps, and she graduated to a very proficient spanker surprisingly quickly. 

Over the years of doing this blog, and several years before that in various DD groups, I've heard variations on this story many times.   We husbands are so concerned about how to broach the topic of Domestic Discipline but once we do, the wives take up the paddle or strap with surprisingly little diffidence or reluctance and are soon spanking like a pro.

Over the years we have been doing Domestic Discipline, my wife has grown into a much stronger, confident woman with a voice all her own, and the relationship has gone beyond merely discipline.  Instead of just enforcing rules, she imposes them.  She sets boundaries for me and expects me to respect them.  

So, how about you?  How did your interest in Domestic Discipline (not just spanking) arise? What did you do to make it a reality?  Please share as many of the details as time allows.

I hope you all have a great week.

44 comments:

  1. It is something we have done throughout our marriage, since we discussed it beforehand and agreed it would happen. It is among the many things we covered before getting married out of general prudence. We were in agreement that it should happen, so we started it immediately on getting married.

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  2. Dan
    For me it went back to finding a magazine that belonged to my mom's younger brother. It was hidden in my grandma's basement. I was twelve and there were photo's of a woman in boots spanking a man. I was 13.
    From that moment on the images of him being spanked , crawling for her etc. turned me on. Later I sought out a domme to spank me. I was drawn to it when I felt pressure
    When I met Anna it stopped. But when the boys were born and she was focused on the kids, I began craving
    that discipline.So I set up a pattern, get drunk, get spanked and for a bit I was fine. As I drank more, was away from home more and less dependable, our marriage faltered. In couples therapy I confessed my dark secret.
    Anna after many talks suggested she set up rules for me if they were broken, I would be spanked.
    It worked and we reconnected and I am proud of my wife, and me. I realize this is boiled down but I can say exposing myself here is liberating. We never have sex after spanking but i cherish the time we spend as I
    lay in her arms. Occasionally she allows me to service her orally with no release for myself. I do love that!
    Peter

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    1. Thanks, Peter. Sounds like it all worked out. It is an interesting question -- whether kids arriving on the scene might somehow stimulate the desire to be disciplined.

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  3. We tried it about 2 years ago after years of the other way around. I found I liked it and it puts Mrs GLM in a better head place than she was. TBH hardly much development since but it works for now. Cheers Good Life Mickey

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    1. After instituting our DD relationship, it was pretty static for over a decade. Things happen at their own pace.

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  4. It never fails to deeply move me when I hear about how important Aunt Kay's legacy is. I will share more about how it all began for us another time. But here's a cute tidbit. On our wedding day, before the ceremony, we took a walk in the woods and she spanked me OTK with a fresh switch.

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    1. I do hope you will choose to share that in the near future, whether here or on your blog. I personally would be very interested.

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  5. When I saw the title for this week's topic, my old 'comic book geek' mind immediately connected "origin" with those classic explanations of how superheroes got to be who they are. And since I feel like I've answered this question so many times, I decided to go with this:

    When I was still in diapers in the very early 60's (during the same time period Stan Lee was churning out stories of teens being bit by radioactive spiders, and meek scientists being transformed into green powerhouses of rage), there was little to set me apart from my peers. I had ten fingers and ten toes, I developed normally, and anyone seeing me toddle about would have bet money that one day I would be just one more guy in a world of 'regular guys'. But one day my mother was running some errands and noticed my diaper was wet and decided to get me home to change me. Fumbling for her keys she temporarily sat me on a barrel near where her car was parked unaware of its unusual contents.

    Inside was an experimental chemical that was supposed to help people process chronic pain by making it seem desired. Some of the chemical had dried on the top of the barrel, but my wet diaper reactivated the dried residue and also altered it slightly by combining it with the pee in my diaper. It only took a few seconds for my mother to get her keys out from her purse, but it was long enough for my baby bottom to absorb the odd mixture leeching up through the pinned cotton cloth that diapers were made of back before Pampers.

    Nothing unusual happened immediately after this accidental exposure, but by the time I was out of diapers and in my early childhood, a strange sensation would pulse through me whenever I saw bare bottoms in some state of discomfort. Pictures of spanked children from nursery rhymes and such were the most common triggers. Soon my own bottom, having been somehow altered by the chemicals it absorbed that day, began to crave being in a similar state. I became obsessed with spanking. The obsession never went away.

    Now if this ability could somehow stop crime and save lives, I might have donned a special costume....likely one with a cut-out chaps-like seat....and given myself a name like my hero Daredevil. But since Daredevil was already going by "DD" since the early 60's, and since my ability did little to help anyone except frustrated authority figures vent their frustration about my own behavior, a life as a superhero was unlikely.

    Instead, I just settled into as normal existence as I could and, given my proclivities, found a partner, Rosa, who appreciated my special 'gift' and went about my business ever-vigilant that one day someone might be in need of my unique ability to crave and take a hard spanking without complaining and shine a special red beacon shaped like a bare butt onto the night sky. I am still waiting. But like any good hero.......I'm ready.

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    1. Yet, those proclivities apparently didn't affect your actual choice of comic books, since DC Comics heroes and heroines openly displayed some pretty kinky proclivities themselves:

      https://www.huffingtonpost.com/nell-minow/wonder-woman-feminism-and_b_8199126.html

      http://www.rubberreport.com/superman-spanks-a-lot/

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    2. Very clever, KD, and about as believable as many of the half-baked theories of why some of us discovered at a young age that we crave spankings. And more entertaining, but I doubt I could sell such an explanation to my wife.
      Doug

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    3. So your super hero might be Baredevil?

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    4. In a sad coincidence, Stan Lee, founder of Marvel Comics died today.

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    5. Dan: I think my leaning towards Marvel just mirrored what my mother used to say was just the darker side of me. While possibly kinky in some ways, until Miller did his Dark Knight retro-fit, DC heroes were pretty upbeat characters.

      Doug: Thanks. It does negate all the postulating we do without much evidence to support any of our theories.

      Tomy: I like that a lot!

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    6. Agreed on the darkness. I cried when they killed off Gwen Stacy.

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    7. On the theme of comic books - I distinctly remember reading a personal anecdote written by a mom and published in a comic book. Once upon a time in the early days of comic books, they were so hard up for reader participation that they published Reader's Comments as a feature in the middle of the books.

      The one I so vividly recall was by a woman who said that her son had disobeyed her and snuck out at night, gone to the pool hall (apparently a disreputable thing at the time)and snuck back to his room late at night.

      She described waking him, "dragging him out of bed" and spanking "his naked backside" with a strap until he "cried like a baby."

      I have no idea why she felt compelled to send that in. But there it was and for the longest time I could recite every word of it in my mind.

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    8. It's interesting, isn't it? After hearing about Stan Lee's death, I got curious about spanking in comics. There was almost nothing from Marvel, quite a bit from DC's early years and, interestingly, a hell of a lot from comics from an earlier era. It's interesting how, as attitudes toward sex in general have generally liberalized, there was actually much MORE spanking content in comics a few decades ago.

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  6. My origin story: late 20’s, long time interest in spanking and some confusion about whether I was a spanker ( which I had been) or a spankee which as an adult I had virtually no experience. Met a very attractive women who initially seemed 100 percent vanilla and claimed she had never been spanked but had witnessed several of her cousins and her brother being spanked. She also expressed strong pro spanking convictions although she thought of them only in fantasy (her boss, her ex-husband or unruly adolescents). Her positive attitudes about speaking led me in a fair short time to tell her of my strict mother and eventually my feeling that a spanking once in a while would be good for me. At the time of those early conversations (which were really confessions of a sort) she mostly listened, expressed some doubt that adult males could be effectively disciplined with spanking but also commented she saw self-defeating qualities in me she thought she could change. I think I sensed she was somewhat conflicted (maybe shocked) at hearing about a very non vanilla world) and so for several weeks or so we didn’t talk about spanking at all. One weekend she suddenly showed up at my apartment with a large (about 18 inches solid wood) paddle she had a friend custom make for her, announcing it was for me and that we were going to find out if spanking really worked. What followed was maybe an hour of spanking with that paddle in several different rooms and positions ending with me near tears just from the length of it. She was a natural disciplinarian, had practiced with that paddle and probably gave me that night the hardest spanking I had up to that time. Afterward she put me in the living room corner with a times set for 45 minutes with instructions to call her after my time in the corner was over. I obeyed her to the later and we must have talked for hours when I called her about the experience and how I felt after it was over and whether I wanted to continue etc. She told me it had seemed very natural for her and she was ready to explore a relationship in which a paddle (later a sauna brush) was used for discipline. She was really a natural disciplinarian and that role brought out a part of her she had repressed. Within a few weeks she had evolved several rules always emphasizing her authority was never to be questioned and the rules were basically what she decided they were. Spankings became more frequent and severe while she became comfortable spanking me in different houses, different rooms and especially outside when possible. We had a few glitches along the way basically because I sometimes resisted the spankings and experienced conflicts about being an alpha male in public and an obedient well spanked male in private. But ultimately I surrendered completely to her and we had a wonderful 10 plus years. My origin story with Glenda (my wife) was different because we both knew from the beginning that F/M discipline would be a part of our relationship. She had been spanked in her previous marriage and now knew her correct role was to be the disciplinarian. I agreed completely and had been well trained from my previously relationship and so we almost seamlessly made the transition to wife led DD. Her control has increased over the years and my commitment to obey her –especially during discipline_ is very strong. Yet she has allowed me to retain my alpha male personality outside of the home because it works in the real world for both of us. If I express it at home I usually get spanked and again that works for both of us
    Alan.

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    1. Hi Alan. Thanks for the thoughtful comment. It strikes a lot of chords with me, though I didn't have your early interest in spanking, and I've never had a desire to be the spanker. (I could see doing it she wanted and if it was purely erotic. I have zero interest--in fact, negative interest--in giving disciplinary spankings.) If I could ask one follow-up, how did it come to be that you and Glenda both knew that F/m discipline would be part of the relationship? Was it something you raised with her while dating?

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    2. A close mutual friend introduced us who knew quite a bit about her and some about me. It was that rare case of matchmaking that succeeded. Interestingly the mutual friend was not a spanko but knew a lot about my future wife’s experiences with spanking.

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    3. Definitely cool, and it's great to have such supportive friends. As I have told here before, we have one mutual friend who knows. While she isn't into spanking, she was incredibly supportive when I opened up to her about our lifestyle.

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    4. How did that conversation come about?

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    5. We were out for cocktails together. We were very close, and she just asked outright how things were going with my wife, as they too were friends. This was in the fairly early stages of our DD lifestyle, and I was pretty obsessed with it all. I just felt compelled to tell her about it, and the wine had loosened by tongue. So, I told her all about it. Fairly shortly thereafter, I told my wife that I had told the friend. And, fairly shortly after that, they went to a football game together, had a few drinks, and called me on the way home to mutually tease me (good naturedly) about the spanking I was going to get that night. They had spent a good part of the afternoon talking about DD and my wife spanking me, and were having a good old time continuing the conversation with me on the phone. It was mortifying, though I obviously opened the door to it. Unless my wife has told someone on the side (and I don't think she has), that friend remains the only one who knows both of us in "real life" and knows all about our lifestyle.

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  7. Our story begins before we were married. I have had an interest in spanking since before I even knew what sex was...seriously.
    So after we got engaged I decided she needed to know. I did not know what DD was just that I knew "spanking" was in the equation in my brain.
    She came down to visit me on spring break (she was a teacher) when I was working near the coast and we spent a day on the beach. During the drive back I opened up to her about it. She did not jump out of the car and run so that was a good sign. We discussed it some going forward but she did not understand it but willing to work with it. Neither of us knowing what that meant. For the next 10 years we would incorporate it rarely in sex foreplay but never really "enough". During some marriage counseling it was tangentially related to spanking and she said never again...I said that won't work and going the wrong way.
    That was 3 years ago. Since then we have slowly worked to where we are now.
    A turning point for us to go from some/none to starting a dd like arrangement was me get the ebook "spanking and the male mind" that explained my brain in a way she would understand. I highlighted parts that spoke for me and parts that were too far. She read it, we discussed it, and then she agreed to limited nonsexually related spanking. We already had a lexan paddle for play and we started to experiment.
    About a year ago is when I sat down with her and said "this is a list of things I want to change and use spanking and other punishments to get there." We slowly started to incorporate it. Still not perfect but she can now bust my rear end good when it is needed. She has actually developed well from a skill point of view, now we are working on next steps.
    Well there is the short version with the highlights.

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    1. Thanks, SR. The fascination with spanking from an early age is something I don't have a reference point for. I just recall wanting to avoid them! But, that certainly places me in the minority on this blog. What I do share with others, like both you and Alan, is once I did know that I wanted it, I told her about it and she didn't run screaming. It's interesting that in so many of these origin stories, we men worry and wring our hand over whether tell our wives about this desire; then when we do, so many of them react as if it's no big deal.

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    2. Clearly that is not always the case and not every women is going to be open to spanking you, but it is much more frequent than commonly thought or widely bemoaned on the internet ( we have all heard this one : " there are 99 men to every one woman who are into spanking")That is just rubbish. A lot more women are amenable to spanking than this common woe suggests.Much more important however is the number of women who will out of love for you and concern for the relationship assume the role of disciplinarian if they are asked to do so.The key to this is a serious and committed relationship. I expect men who are repeatedly frustrated in finding a partner either approach her too early or do it without the relationship front and center. I am not ignoring the real difficulty of establishing a DD relationship but emphasizing how important the relationship is in the equation. Even women who are spankos ( and there are many) are going to be much more interested within a stable relationship.
      Alan

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    3. She was not immediately agreeable. Between first disclosure and now was 13 years and twice she said no more. But my charm and good looks persuaded her...if you can believe that.

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    4. Love the positive message from Alan and could not agree more.

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    5. Charm and good looks certainly go a long way. Not that I would know.

      Alan, I agree that most failures are likely self-sabotage. You see it every time a female Dominant starts a new blog. She's instantly hounded by guys asking if she will spank them. I'm sure they approach "real world" prospects the same way.

      Though, I am constantly surprised at how willing women seem to be to take on the disciplinarian role if asked. SR's experience of long delays and "never again" positions seem to be the exception, not the rule.

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  8. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. Sean. Go away you psychotic little pest.

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    2. I saw "Jack's" post before you deleted it and marvel about his OCD pattern. He has dropped these "fantasies" of his around the blogs so often one could almost recite one from memory so similar are they. Particularly revealing ( and irritating) is how he works in the same identical phrases or words (" face the wall" " could care less" Better do.." and on and on.Jack urgently needs a spanking. I hope he gets one sometime soon.
      Alan

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    3. Don't forget. "No argument. I got it coming." Part of me feels sorry for him. The other part wants to track him down and kick his ass. He "got it coming."

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    4. Can you imagine the thoughts and feeling I have had over the years toward the guy who stole Aunt Kay's web address and turned it into a porno?

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    5. I'm sure. It's very slimy. Most people are good. Some simply aren't.

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    6. "Most people are good. Some simply aren't." Right! Big wisdom there.

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  9. Thank heaven for those magazines - and for women who are natural DWCers.

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  10. Since this was one of the topics I said I could so easily write about, I better write something!

    I will start with spanking because it far pre-dated DD for me. I can't say when spanking first hit my radar screen, it was just kind of there from the beginning. I was spanked from time to time as a child, though I don't think it was all that severe. I remember in junior high having a morbid fascination with the principal's office and the paddlings that I heard about, but I was the good kid that could never bring myself to cross the line far enough to experience that.

    As a teen, I remember reading a story in Penthouse about a guy getting spanked by his girlfriend and going to a party with a paddle hanging from his waist so her friends could give him swats. It was pretty bad fiction, but it hit me like a lightning bolt. It was the first time I ever though of spanking as being sexual. After that, the feelings only intensified, though I didn't get a chance to experience it for a number of years.

    I tried to introduce it to my first wife, but she wasn't receptive at all. She came from a very conservative background, where sex was at best a necessary evil. I think she tried, but anything the least bit kinky just felt too dirty to her. I now recognize that even though it seemed at the time like my unmet “need” for spanking put stress on the relationship, in reality the relationship was never built on solid footings of trust, openness, and genuine partnership. It is entirely possible that had those other fundamentals been more manifest in our relationship, she might have been more able to spank me.

    Through the years, I realized that what I really desire and need are enforced boundaries and accountability, without which I feel somehow like life is spinning out of control. Again, my wife couldn't help much; she couldn't understand why I couldn't just get my act together and be self-disciplined, and she assumed it was all just an attempt to get her to spank me, which it probably was to some degree.

    After my marriage ended, I met up several times with a college student about 25 years younger than me, and there I first experienced real spankings. Interestingly enough, our meetings weren't sexual. She was just curious and wanting to try things, and maybe take out some repressed resentment towards guys on me. She spanked me hard and long, but it wasn't all that satisfying. I learned that it wasn't just spanking I was after, but also that it must be in the context of relationship, given by someone that I love and who loves me.

    This leads me to meeting the love of my life and soulmate. Our marriage is a blessing in every way. I love her so deeply and we have a great partnership that I couldn't have even dreamed of or imagined before. We are so natural together, and openness just comes easy. After we started dating, I told her rather early about my desires/needs, and she was open to it, even though this was all entirely new to her.

    Over the past few years with her, and in no small part due to this blog, I continue to learn more about myself and these wants and needs with which I have struggled my whole life. While I am still a spanko, I now view spanking as just being one tool to exert control and to encourage behavioral change. I now know other non-spanking punishments and humiliations are probably at least as effective.

    I am truly in heaven right now, because even as we are still learning and probably have a long way to go in terms of consistency and getting it right, we are doing it TOGETHER! Not only is DD not pushing us apart, but in fact it is bringing us ever closer together in every way.

    -ZM

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    1. Awesome comments. Thanks, ZM! I could have written much of this myself, with the exception of an early interest in spanking, a first wife, and spankings from a college student! But, much of the rest of it really is similar, especially, "I realized that what I really desire and need are enforced boundaries and accountability, without which I feel somehow like life is spinning out of control." You are one of the first contributors, however, who tried and failed to get a wife interested in providing those boundaries and accountability. I got lucky in that respect, even though my wife too came from a pretty conservative family environment. The difference may have been that while her family was conservative, she was pretty open about sex. Though, she also didn't really see DD as sexual when we started, because I had pledged that spanking would be used only as real punishment, and I think the bottom line is part of her resonated with the concept of punishing me, because I deserved it.

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  11. Actually she initiated it in a playful way one night after a few too many glasses of wine. I think I was being a bit cheeky and as we were headed upstairs she smacked my rear and then seemed to get the taste for it and carried on as we got to bed. All very cheerful, lightweight and she had no idea the Pandora's box that she opened!

    We had been married over 20 years at that point and I had only vaguely referred to my interest in corporal punishment, blaming it on my upbringing. I had never thought of introducing it into our relationship where I was the head of house, breadwinner and alpha male. But I thought (a lot) about it, did some reading (Aunt Kay and others), worked out that I maybe could retain my male pride, submit when I misbehaved and give my wife the opportunity to re balance our relationship.

    I wrote a long letter, describing my lifelong interest, my love for her, my disappointment at my often unfair behaviour/words and the possibility of her taking some control. I then sat with her as she read it, more nervous than almost any other time and I was very, very grateful when she hugged me and thanked me for being so honest.

    We tried it out later that week, with some light strokes with the (BodyShop) bath brush - a mean instrument as it later turned out to be but that morning was more like a massage. With regular feedback on duration, severity, etc she fairly quickly worked up to being comfortable delivering a decent spanking, accompanied by the inevitable confession and telling off.

    I got her a paddle, a strap and a short cane and the rest as they say is history. Both she and I know that our relationship, very good to start with, is even better when she keeps the reins tight. We have agreed that I keep a journal which she reads and I have agreed to be completely honest, which can be hard. I know I have a love/hate relationship with her strap which I am sure many share, where I fantasise about her giving me a proper beating, but get desperate for her to stop when the reality of getting what I asked for & mostly deserve is in progress!. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

    She has no interest in spanking per se, but sees the benefits of using it to help and control me. TB

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    1. I wonder whether anyone has ever used one of those BodyShop bath brushes for an actual bath . . .

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  12. We always found journaling and other formal reporting methods to be highly effective. What worked especially well for us was negotiating the goals together and specifying what success criteria looked like.

    She always considering my explanations when I did not meet certain goals and occasionally surprised me by deciding I had done my best and no discipline was required. I remember those times as if I had been given a great gift.

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  13. It began with me punishing her and has become me submitting fully to her including physical discipline and much more. It was17 years ago when my wife and I met, I was into spanking and she was interested in being spanked. We met through an online contact site and I was more than happy to oblige. I could never have imagined the place we are now at. Spanking graduated to strapping, caning and paddling her large round bottom - now that large round bottom dominates me and I spend regular time under it worshipping, usually with my own backside on fire!
    I think the change started with me asking if she would sit on my face, but I guess there must also have been a mental shift as well. When I first crossed the line and asked the question that is referred to in your pictures for this post, she was clear that a light spanking was all that she would ever do! Ha ha - now she layes on the strap and cane with real vigour and totally enjoys it. It's been 12 years since the switch and progress has been steady, at some pint a chastity device was introduced, at another cross dressing for her and during 11 of those years things found a level. But 12 months ago things really stepped up a geara when I retired. My wife is 9 years my junior and still works almost full time - I have become her fully submissive sissy husband, doing house work when she is out, disciplined at least weekly and more. She has really embraced her rolke as HOH, her cnfudence has grown in every way and as it has done my submission has increased. Cane, strap and leather paddle are now in weekly action and her demands increase by the week.

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  14. I was never spanked as a child but hearing about it from others I guess it sparked my interest. When my wife and I started out I loved spanking her and getting spanked but this was all sexual. We moved into punishment spankings after a couple of years mostly due to my attitude and behavior. We set some rules and guidelines and when my wife thinks I need spanked she decides how hard and where. Usually in the den, always bare bottomed. She'll scold me as she's blistering me and I will be pleading and crying before she is finished. I never get spanked for anything but real issues. When she was injured and couldn't spank me a couple of years ago she had a woman she works with come over and we all talked about her spanking me until she was healed. I was very nervous and resisted but my wife was determined as she pointed out how much I needed it after 2 weeks. My wife spanks me while sitting on the couch. Her friend had me standing before her nude as she sat on a chair and ask her to please blister my bare bottom and pulled me over her knee. What a totally embarrassing experience, my head and hands on the floor and my bottom up in the air, she wasn't shy about rubbing my bottom and commenting on how nice and red it was getting. She paddled me until I was gasping and in tears. She then had me standing in the corner for 20 minutes, something my wife never did. After my corner time I was kneeling on a ottoman bottom over the arm of the couch getting lotion rubbed on my bottom she explained to my wife and I that this would help my skin and make the belt sting more. The whole time I was getting strapped I was sobbing, squirming and hearing my wife say how effective this was. Over the next few weeks she showed her how to give me a good switching,put me in various positions and give me very painful and embarrassing punishment. My wife has since done exactly that and I have become much better behaved. I always try to be aware now because I know she will spank me in front of her friends.

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