Saturday, November 24, 2018

DCC Meeting #275 - Early Exposure (cont.)


Hi all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couple's Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships.  

I hope you had a very happy and relaxed Thanksgiving.  


Ours was good, though nothing especially interesting.  A relatively short drive to relatives for a mid-day get together, then back home by early evening.  The one thing worth mentioning is that, for only the second time in two years, my wife made a comment alluding to spanking me if I didn't comply with something she asked me to do. Like when she did it a couple of Christmases ago, it likely was interpreted as a joke, but this time the only person to overhear was one of our semi-adult kids.  I doubt that in isolation the comment would be taken seriously, but together with other comments and a generally more open approach to directing me on certain things at home, you never know.



I can't say that it bothers me.  In fact, the more open my wife is in asserting her power, the sexier she seems to me.

Well, we did get a few responses to last week's discussion on spanking references in popular culture.  It's intriguing that such references seemed to be more prevalent a few decades ago, when they were at least somewhat common in comic strips, and even on television as the references to I Love Lucy demonstrated.  You have to jump forward several years to find other examples, such as the episode of Weeds that SR pointed to, and they are pretty isolated.  And, the older examples were almost all confined to spanking either misbehaving children or misbehaving wives, and there are very, very few examples of women spanking men.

My reference to the Pretenders' song Bad Boys Get Spanked got me wondering whether I might be looking in the wrong genre, so I did some googling on spanking references in songs.  Lo and behold, I found this example which checks some intriguing boxes.  It's F/m in orientation.  It is domestic to the core, with the wife describing plans to spank a misbehaving husband.  The title and the lyrics both also invoke a maternal dynamic.  What is most interesting to me is, it was a top-5 hit . . . in 1967.  So, once again, I'm wondering whether we are flattering ourselves to think that things have really progressed a lot over the last few years.  Maybe we are more progressive than our parents, but our grandparents . . . I'm now not so sure.  In any event, the song is entitled Mama Spank, was released in 1966, and became a hit for Liz Anderson.  You can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w51LsY9zN-Y.  

And, here are they very explicitly DD lyrics: 
 
When the big hand is on twelve and the little hand's on six
You come home tonight and no more childish pranks
You come home from work real quick or your mama get a stick
Yes your mama get a stick and mama spank.

Every night you don't come home from the way you're out alone
Who would ever think that you're a married man
I would guess your age to be twenty eight going on three
So I'll speak in a language you can understand.

When the big hand is on twelve and the little hand's on six
You come home tonight and no more childish pranks
You come home from work real quick or your mama get a stick
Yes your mama get a stick and mama spank.

Yes, I know you like to play but we've got our bills to pay
And the kids need shoes much more than you need fun
Up to now I've been too mild 
You've been acting like a child
So I'll have to just start treating you like one.

When the big hand is on twelve and the little hand's on six
You come home tonight and no more childish pranks
You come home from work real quick or your mama get a stick
Yes your mama get a stick and mama spank...
So, thank you to our kinky oldsters for setting such a fine example!

I'm not feeling particularly inspired where new topics are concerned, so I'm going to roll out of this holiday with a continuing discussion of early exposure to spanking and how it may have impacted your interest in Domestic Discipline.  ZM talked about how his early discovery of spanking and dominance made him very sensitive to any spanking references he saw in popular culture.  His comment led me to think about the distinction between being exposed to spanking early on, on the one hand, and being exposed to adult spanking on the other.  

 Growing up where and when I did, spanking was so common it was taken for granted. I would be surprised if anyone I grew up with was NOT spanked, and probably by each parent, by extended family, and most likely at least once or twice by teachers or principals at school.  At least for boys, it was just part of growing up.  So, I definitely was "exposed" to spanking early on. But, I do not recall being exposed to adult spanking until much later in life, and then only spanking of an erotic nature.  I really can't recall any exposure to the concept of adult disciplinary spankings prior to finding the Disciplinary Wives Club.  I don't know whether early exposure to adult spanking would have made any difference in the extent of my early interest. Somehow I don't think so, unless it was disciplinary in nature.  Even then, I'm not sure.  

For those of you who were fascinated by spanking at an early age, was your exposure to the world of spanking confined to the sort of generalized corporal punishment that was so prevalent, or were you exposed to something more "adult" in nature, whether erotic spanking or something more explicitly involving dominance or discipline?    

Have a great week.

36 comments:

  1. I meant to mention this last week - sorry I can't find a video, but ladies and gentlemen, I give you Captain Kirk:
    CrimsonKing

    ELAAN: You are warned, Captain, never to touch me again.

    KIRK: If I touch you again, Your Glory, it'll be to administer an ancient Earth custom called a spanking, a form of punishment administered to spoiled brats.

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    1. Nice one! Like you, I couldn't find a video, but the quote is listed on IMDB.com, along with this beauty from the same episode:

      Captain James T. Kirk: "Mr. Spock, the women on your planet are logical. That's the only planet in this galaxy that can make that claim."

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  2. I won't say I was fascinated by spanking at an early age, but it was the normal discipline in our family. In that era, spanking was the common punishment and my folks used it on all the kids. My spankings tapered off at about 12 or so....not because I was too old to be spanked, but I had learned to behave and avoided them. My Aunt delivered what was to be my final childhood spanking at 16. At the time it was embarrassing but also in a way erotic. I though nothing more of it until years later when a failing marriage drove me to looking for a non cheating outlet. I discovered adult spanking and soon that spanking my Aunt gave me came roaring back. So now, I credit that incident as my beginning to adult spanking and domestic discipline. Nows living in my second 24/7, female-led, D/s, DD relationship and I never want to live in any other manner.

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    1. Hi SC. It's interesting that the spanking from your aunt didn't become "a thing" for you at the time, but came roaring back years later.

      Thanks for sharing.

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    2. Spanked Cowboy, Can you tell us more about your final childhood spanking from your aunt? Have you already written about it somewhere on your blog, or elsewhere online? I am in my 60's and have been spanked by my wife for around 25 years, mostly at my request, but sometimes at her instigation. She does enjoy it. She likes the feeling of power, and likes being able to make me sting for my sometimes rude behavior towards her. And it makes me feel more devoted towards her for a time afterwards.

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    3. Anonymous, Sorry for the long delay. We were away for the Thanksgiving holiday and just now returning. I think I have written about that spanking in several locations and have verbally relayed the story often as it seems to generate much interest. My Aunt was watching the clan as my folks were away for a long weekend. We were alone as other siblings were off somewhere else. I can't recall exactly what I had said or done but it made her furious. I know it is impossible, but at the time it seemed like she lowered my pants and underwear and pulled me over her lap in one single motion. Anyway, there I was and she delivered a bare hand spanking for quite some time. Standing me half nude before her, she continued to scold me before sending me to my room. I waddled away, sobbing, clothes still at my ankles while she watched. It was the first and last spanking she ever gave me. She never told my siblings or parents and we maintained a very good relationship until her passing years later.

      Contact me at my blog at mymaintenanceday.blogspot.com
      We can discuss our similar lifestyles anytime you wish.

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    4. Thank you, SC. I will check out your blog.

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  3. Dan
    I went to a catholic boarding school, and bare assed spankings, with belt, paddle and on occasion a caning were part of the curriculum. Often these discipline sessions were done in front of other students. I can't deny
    there was an erotic element to it. In my senior year I got caught sneaking out with two buddies to go buy beer
    in town. We were caught and the following monday the three of us were caned in front of the school. All three
    of us, with pants and underwear around our ankles, side by side, bent over a table on the stage as the dean of
    boys delivered ten very hard swats. We were then forced to remain bent over as the rest of the students filed
    past us for an up close viewing. For the rest of the year we were marked men. Snickers of younger man followed us for the rest of the year.
    Years later I told a woman I was dating about that. She is now my wife and loves to spank me now in front of
    some of her friends. It is always for punishment and yes it is very erotic to me. This past summer one of her
    friends brought her husband to witness my punishment. We have since he and I been spanked in front of other
    women twice. I find the company being spanked side by side arousing. We never have sex with our wives after spanking. It is all discipline and humiliation.

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  4. Spanking loomed large when I was a young child, as something to be avoided, understandably.
    Spanking loomed large when I was a young lad, as something to be welcomed, curiously.
    By 12, my mother stopped using spankings to punish me, but the craving did not stop,and never has. Now that I realize that I am not the only one in the world with such a craving, I am comfortable with this desire,and am glad I have it.
    Today, as a married man, spankings loom large as something to be relished, gratefully.

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  5. I suppose I can recall several 'adult' discipline sessions portrayed in the media and several more 'mentions' (like the Kirk one. He never actually did it.) recall one episode of Little Rascals where a young pretty wife gave her bent-over husband a whack so hard he flew forward. But my favorite had to be an episode of the Flintstones where Wilma & Betty sneak into a Water Buffalo Lodge initiation and end up paddled really hard. I loved the scene at the end where Wilma can't sit. Thought about that scene for a LONG time!

    As for ever seeing something real between adults? Never. Playful, joking stuff perhaps, but nothing memorable.

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    1. I never saw or heard any adult spanking either but I did find a thick paddle in my mom's dresser that was never used on me and I was not intended to see. She had a very well mannered, polite and obedient ( to her) boyfriend and I still assume it was used on him when I was absent.
      Alan

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    2. Nice. Hadn't seen that one. But, it brought to mind that classic scene from Animal House with Kevin Bacon getting swatted in a fraternity ceremony. "Thank you Sir. May I have another?"

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    3. Hi Alan. That is really interesting. Based on your comment, I assume you think she did use it for disciplinary purposes? Maybe you're right not just about spanking genes, but maybe there are actually disciplinary genes as well!

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  6. I had actually forgotten this until this topic but my first consciousness of spanking as sexual happened sometime late teens when I saw a pictorial promotion in a magazine for the musical "Kiss Me Kate" which featured the leading man spanking the leading lady fully clothed and as I remember in a classic OTK position.That triggered my growing interest in erotic spanking in which both in fantasy and real life I was the spanker.This gradually changed into my 20's as I met first many women who wanted spanked and eventually women who were really switches.I did receive a couple of fairly significant spankings disciplinary in nature during this period.But only when I met the women who would introduce me to domestic discipline did I really experience pure F/M DD. She taught me which side of the brush I belonged on and that has never changed since I fully surrendered to her.But it was an evolution and I have to wonder if it could have turned out differently if my first real DD had involved falling in love with a woman who wanted herself to be disciplined. That was never an issue with my girlfriend and after the spankings became real with her I never looked back.But that girlfriend did seal the deal and I am not sure what could have happened if I had not met her when I did
    Alan

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    1. That is, indeed, a very interesting progression. I can say for certain that I have never had a desire to be the spanker. Even when I see spanking art or videos with a male spanker and female spankee, I always identify with the spankee.

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    2. Dan
      That is fascinating, raising for me the fundamental question of why someone who is a spanko chooses sides as it were. Some of course identify as switches but I doubt both orientations are equally strong among switches.( I could be very wrong about this and am basing it mainly on my own evolution)Cultural influences would seem to weigh against a male choosing the F/M path but there is reason to suppose quite a few alpha males seek discipline,at the same time some women choose to be disciplinarians against ( until recently) most cultural norms.So it is hard to know the true role of culture in it all.The best explanation I have is that the "trigger" is there ( DNA?) and if it gets pulled then a person becomes a spanko. Apparently that trigger can be pulled anytime right into middle age and in fact there are probably different triggers for men and women. I do believe my own evolution in part was a struggle against my deep need to be a man under the loving authority and discipline of a woman.But if I had never met my former girlfriend I might still be struggling.
      Alan

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    3. Alan, I think it really illustrates that we are just very complicated creatures. I think those of us in DD relationships may also fall along a multi-axis spectrum in terms of whether we are motivated by spanking, accountability, desire to improve performance, etc. For me, had I not discovered the disciplinary aspects of DD, I could have easily excluded spanking from my list of erotic activities/interests, and never skipped a beat. But, when I encountered something that involved imposed accountability *together* with spanking, it was compelling to the point of an obsession. For me, the spanking interest probably isn't as malleable because it is compelling to me only in the context of being held accountable, giving up control, etc. Spanking is a necessary, but relatively junior part of the equation for me. I'm pretty confident that in my case, the fascination I have with DD has way more to do with familial dynamics I experienced growing up than an innate interest in spanking, and I think that's why encountering female-led discipline just hammered me to my core, while spanking itself is something I could take or leave if it's missing that disciplinary element.

      I think the cultural aspects can cut both ways, complicating things even further. I think in general you are right that cultural influences cut against Alpha males seeking discipline, but I think part of my aversion to engaging in M/f spanking scenarios comes down to the simple fact that I was raised in a culture that emphasized you just don't hit women. Even if my wife wanted to be spanked (which she doesn't), an aversion to using physical force with a woman is something that goes deep into my core. I might be able to get over it in the context of erotic spankings, but I really don't think I could when it comes to DD. And, while I do think that culture weighs against men *seeking* DD spankings, I'm not sure that it influences women as strongly against *giving* them. Though, I could be wrong about that one.

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    4. Agreed regarding the taboo of striking females. Coupled with the perception (rightly or wrongly) of males as being the stronger sex, the idea of spanking females was less common. It was common when I grew for boys to be spanked, but girls to be given other punishments. I don't think F/M spanking (DD or otherwise) was as uncommon as some people believe: - I wasn't aware of specific instances, but I was aware that it happened. It is just that people didn't tend to talk about it.

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    5. I do remember girls in my community being spanked regularly, though probably not as often as boys. Though, the relative frequency of spankable wrongdoing could also have varied between the sexes!

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  7. What triggered it all is for me is something of a mystery. I can't identify, for certain, a single seminal event. Spanking was extremely uncommon in our home. So I remember only two incidents. One was an absolutely classic OTK from my mom. I lied to her face about something and quick as a wink, she was in a straight-backed chair and had me over her knee. It was the first time and I was about 10 I guess.

    The other was when I was roughly that age too and my father used his belt on me - it was one of those braided ones and he was furious. We had cousins and aunts and uncles in the next room of a two-room apartment when he did it. (Afterwards my mom told him that if he ever touched me like that again He would have to find somewhere else to live).

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  8. By age 13 I was already kind of fixated on spanking. My best friends lived right across the hall and they definitely got spanked. Their mom knew what a little smart-ass brat I was and kept telling my mom I needed spanking and volunteered to take care of it. She said these things right in front of me and I was kind of pissed my mom didn't take her up on it. A couple of times when I was over there she made a point of opening a closet door and showing me where she kept her spanking strap on a hook. She once took it out and snapped it and made some comment about how I needed it.

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    1. Sounds like you grew up in an area a lot like I did, or perhaps spanking was just ubiquitous back then. I do admit I just don't understand being pissed at NOT getting a spanking and that age. I don't recall having anything but aversion to it back then.

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    2. Yeah, I already "had the bug".

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  9. Another pesky question: if growing up in at atmosphere where spanking was common triggered many spanking interests, what happens when spanking is no longer common which is largely what has happened in the last 25 years. Yet there is no sign that adult spanking is decreasing and certainly some indication interest may be increasing especially among women. Very likely much of that is coming from the internet and interest in spanking is happening later -but still happening
    Alan

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    1. It's a good question, Alan, though it's hard to know whether there really is an upward trend in it happening, or just more outlets to talk about it, display it, etc. It's kind of like violent crime -- actual incidents are way down historically, but the incidents that do exist receive so much broader coverage that everyone *thinks* violence is up.

      But, you're right, it is interesting to think about what happens to rates of adult corporal punishment when rates of childhood corporal punishment decline. And, I could see how it could go up. I saw some on-line poster that said something like, "If you don't get enough time-outs as a kid you'll need them as an adult." I wonder whether spankings are like that -- whether we get them or not, some of us want the kind of concrete accountability they represent, and we want it as an adult regardless of whether we actually got it as a child, and may want it even more if we didn't get it growing up.

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    2. I was also going to suggest we do a new poll on whether commenters here were spanked frequently, infrequently, or not at all, since we haven't done one on that since 2015. Maybe we would see a correlation. I tried to add one, only to find that Blogger canceled that feature earlier this year. Well . . . shit.

      Last time I took that poll, it was in combination with questions on whether the mother or the father was the disciplinarian. The results were:

      Spanked frequently 14%
      Spanked but only infrequently 53%
      Never spanked 24%

      Spanked by mother/not by father 20%
      Spaned by father/not by mother 10%
      Spanked by both 27%

      Given the small sample size, none of these polls are particularly reliable, but to the extent these mean anything, I guess it would be that being spanked relatively infrequently triggers some spanking urge later in life; not being spanked at all triggers some interest but less so; while being spanked frequently may discourage interest later in life. Similarly, being spanked by the father seems to be a bad predictor of later interest, while having a mom as the sole disciplinarian might lead to wanting it more as an adult. Lots of good Freudian stuff going on there!

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    3. Hi Dan,
      Sorry I have had so little time to post this week. My wife has been gone, and you would think that I would have all the free time in the world, but apparently whatever structure I have in my life also got on the airplane with her...

      I know that I was spanked from time to time when I was young, but don't really remember most of the times, which is strange since I am so fascinated by spanking. Interestingly, I only remember three times my dad spanked me, and none of the times my mom did, though I do know that she did. In fact, what makes it even stranger is these are about the only surviving memories of my dad, since he left when I was 7 and I hardly saw him or knew him for the next 20+ years. I have always wondered if somehow this is all related, and if maybe the reason I felt this need to be spanked while growing up (and still do now) is because it somehow provided a link back to my missing father?

      However, while I had a morbid fascination about being sent to the principals office and also with fraternity activities involving paddles, all of my adult spanking desires are centered around females spanking, and I have little to no interest in ever being spanked by a male nor have I ever been except by my father in my earliest years.

      At any rate, wherever the desires came from, and whether they were strengthened or weakened by being spanked as a child, these desires are a huge part of defining who I am and have only grown over the years.

      Not that it was necessarily part of the topic, but I will say a little about how my
      desires have evolved over the years. As I mentioned last week, I started with a fascination for punishment, though of course spanking (or more specifically paddling) was the center of that. However, parental spanking didn't really fit that much into the thoughts about it, even though it may or may not have been a shaping force. But a school paddling was beyond interesting for me, though (or perhaps because) I never experienced it.

      During my teenage years, I was fascinated by initiation rites, hazing, and different coming of age customs and rituals. Of course, none of those ever happened either, so they are still pretty interesting to me.

      As I mentioned last week, my first exposure to adult spanking was from reading a story in a magazine, and it was like a lightning bolt. There is no chance that there has been a day since then then I didn't think at some point about this in some way or another.

      Since that covers my childhood years, I will continue in another message below since I ran into the 4096 character limit!

      -ZM

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    4. And now onto adulthood...

      As I met my first wife, I told her some of my desires, and she even tried (a little) to accommodate me, but it was just too hard for her. First off, it made her feel very dirty and disgusted since it seemed like a perversion to her with her extremely conservative upbringing (think no shorts ever, no swimming if guys are around, hair must be pulled back and never cut, no jewelry or makeup, etc. Also, it brought back too many bad memories of her childhood. So it simply didn't work for her. As a result, it was off the table for me, since I was committed to being with her until death do us part. Even though there was no possibility of it happening, I never stopped thinking about it and hoping that someday it would happen.

      Even though she was just as committed to me, somehow life threw us a bunch of curves, and after 25 years, she left me and I was left raising my daughters in a foreign country. As I began dating again, one thing I was sure of was that I would let any future wife know early on about my obsessions. As I also mentioned last week, right after my wife left I did meet up with a college student a couple of times who spanked me very hard for the first time (we weren't romantically connected or going out or anything). This did let me experience that which I had been craving all my life, but still a big part was missing because for it to work for me, it must be for real things, and by someone who loves me. Interestingly enough, even though I dated several much younger women (like in their early 20's), I never told any of them. I guess deep down I just knew they weren't right for me.

      And then I met my lovely wife. When I told her, she latched onto it, and has taken to it better than I ever could have dreamed. She now is very into it, and in fact brings it up more often than I do, though I am sure I think about it 10x more than she does.

      Anyway, I have rambled on a lot here, but now you know a whole lot more about how this thing has progressed in my life.

      -ZM

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  10. Have you ever studied the in-depth research paper on the DWC site? It is a very scholarly and repressive piece (and no I didn't write it)

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    1. Believe me, at one point or another I've read every word on the DWC site. Though, I never found it "represssive." ;-)

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  11. I meant to write IMPRESSIVE...Duh! Some writer!

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  12. Hi Dan,
    For all my seemingly endless writing above, I hardly touched on fantasy vs. real, spanking specifically vs. punishment in general, domestic discipline and dominance vs. femdom S&M, and so many other related things, as well as how my feelings on these have evolved over the years. Let me try a little...

    Fantasy vs. real: This one is easy. From the beginning, the very core of my fantasy is real punishment. Sure, I can get turned on by fantasy roleplay and erotic spankings, but they are in a completely different place in my mind, and are much, much less exciting than real punishments, especially those that involve spanking.

    Spanking vs punishment: Again, this is pretty easy. I am definitely a spanko, but since my fantasies revolve around real punishment, it is mostly where spanking meets punishment that I am most interested. Pretty much every punishment I think of includes spanking, though I am also intrigued by many other things that seem to fit in as well, like mouthsoaping, kneeling on rice, etc. as well as additional humiliations to amplify the punishment.

    Domestic vs. S&M: Again, I can be turned on by S&M, but it is completely different than DD and FLR for me. I used to be not at all turned on by any S&M things, unless they happened to show up in a mainstream movie or something, which somehow made them super hot because they were "close enough" to my fantasies so still acted as a trigger for me. Even though it was mostly a turn-off before, now I am much more open to S&M apparel (like for mistresses) because I have realized it does amplify the effect for my wife because they project power and sexuality. At the same time, I am equally or more turned on by traditional "power clothes" because they still project power and just imply sexuality.

    What HAS changed most significantly over the years has been how I view severity and marks. Even 10 years ago, I didn't like anything that showed any bruising or anything beyond deep redness, which is probably why I never found canes very interesting. At the same time, I also always fantasized about feeling the effects for days and crying real tears. As I have experienced this, I have realized that crying real tears and feeling the effects while sitting for several days generally takes a whole lot more than some redness. So now if I see a bottom that is just red with no bruising at all, I generally think it was not enough, though I am still turned off by excessive severity or bleeding. Actually, bleeding is kind of the enemy, since it is often what stops the spankings that really should continue longer!

    -ZM

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    1. Hi ZM. I swear, there are times I wonder whether we are twins who were separated at birth. Other than the early interest in spanking, most of what you wrote above regarding the nature and progression of your obsession with punishment is something I could have written about myself.

      Your observations about your father dovetail with something I was thinking about in relation to Tomy's reference to surveys on the DWC website. I went back and looked at those surveys this week and noted that while they explore whether and how the spanking interest relates to the mother, none of the survey questions really addressed the father's role, if any, in a son or daughter developing an interest in DD. For some reason, we do seem to assume that if our desire results from childhood experiences, it is through the relationship with our mothers. Maybe it's some bias built on several decades of Freudian influence on how we think of mother-son relations and their impact on our psyches? But, is it correct? Could it be that our relationships with our fathers are just as important, and perhaps more so? It's also interesting to me that, like you, I remember three or four spankings from my father, but none from my mother, even though I am virtually certain she did spank me from time to time.

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    2. Since Freud was invoked here I will step onto the slippery slope of home-erotic spanking an interest of widespread interest if the numerous blogs, Tumblr’s etc. can be credited. Those responding to the DWC survey were unlikely to be homosexual especially male homosexuals –hence if Freud ideas were applied to the findings men reporting spanking by dad as a sexually formative experience would be rare if occurring at all. (In the context of F/M spanking and disciplinary wives) Freud is today controversial and I don’t look to him to explain a great deal about F/M spanking. But I doubt there are many males in or seeking an F/M DD Lifestyle relate any part of the interest to Dad. Mom especially if she owned and employed a hairbrush once in a while MAY be a different issue. On the other hand, paternal punishments do seem to play a role in male homosexual fantasy.
      Alan

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    3. Hi Alan. Great minds think alike. I just added a whole topic on this.

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    4. Dan, if you ever conduct such a survey again, it might be useful to add another element to it: the effect of sibling witnesses, especially opposite sex siblings, to spankings we received as children. Being spanked by one's father in private is not the same as being spanked by one's father in front of sisters.

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