The Forum - Vol. 233 - After Effects

"What we have here, is a failure to communicate." -  Cool Hand Luke

Hello all.  I hope you had a good week.  I can't say I accomplished a whole lot with mine.  It seems like pretty much everyone around me is as unmotivated as I am and just sort of shuffling our way slowly to the new year.  And, there is nothing wrong with that at all.  Usually at this time of year I am either overwhelmed with work to the point that I barely notice the holiday season and certainly don't have much time to enjoy it, or I am in a panic that I don't see much on my plate for the upcoming year and I make myself nuts looking out over the horizon and praying for the next big project to come in.  This year, I seem to be in this sweet spot where my group does have something of a workload, but a lot of the real work isn't expected to come raining down on us until well after Christmas.  It's nice.  Though, the season also presents a bad combination of plenty of opportunities to misbehave but limited opportunities for her to take me in hand.  I am, in fact, feeling a little worse for the wear this morning after attending a holiday party in the neighborhood.

I also committed a major DD faux pas.  The party was thrown by a couple we hang out with who are definitely not teetotalers.  The drinks were flowing freely, and I wasn't consuming at a faster pace than anyone else or getting out of hand. But, my wife decided I should be cut off, so she told me I had had enough.  I complied for a while, but 30 minutes or so later I poured myself another glass of wine.  So, on top of drinking enough to make myself feel less than spry this morning, I disobeyed a direct command.  I haven't faced the consequences of that yet, but they may prove to be significant.

We didn't have a deluge of comments on last week's topic, but I thought that some of what we did get led to some high quality discussions.  Which is always the goal.  I really liked this from ZM:

It is perhaps strange to think of DD punishments as being a communications tool, but at least for us that is exactly what they are. When she chooses to communicate to me in this unique way (which connects in the most power way with my deep-seated fantasies) it really gets through to me. And as the "conversation" rolls around in my head in the following days, since I simply can't stop thinking about it, I have noticed that it really has a positive effect on not only my behaviors and attitude, but also it changes some of my selfish and at times just plain wrong thinking patterns.

I didn't think of it that way when I first came across the concept of Domestic Discipline.  I thought of it mainly as a tool for correcting behavior.  However, over time I've come to believe that while it can serve that purpose effectively, the extent to which it actually does so is a function of a lot of factors, including not only the severity of the punishment but also its certainty.  Unfortunately, certainty is hard to achieve, because "real life" so often gets in the way.  Nevertheless, I've also come to believe that it has major benefits even if the underlying behavior is repeated, because it empowers the wife to express her dissatisfaction in a very tangible way.  It clears the air and, for at least a time, may produce real feelings of contrition.  In other words, it has that value that ZM identifies, i.e. a means of communication.

I also liked Anna's observation that there may be a self-reinforcing cycle in these relationships, such that Domestic Discipline is the initial focus and used to correct behavior, but as the wife gets more comfortable with exercising her authority and "communicating" via her paddle or strap, the relationship trends toward an FLR, and then the disciplinary aspect may increasingly involve spanking that obstinate male need for control right out of him.  That resonated with me, as it does reflect to some extent the arc of our relationship.

This week's topic comes from Glenmore, who sent me the following:

I just read your brief but effective account of your most recent spanking and it is pretty clear what the post spanking effects are on you , at least physically , but was interested at what the emotional , behavioural and other post spanking effects are on both the husband and wife.

For the husband , how does it feel to walk around for the next few days with a sore behind and visible marks left by your wife? Do you feel ashamed, perhaps proud, relieved and are you more likely to be better behaved and be more respectful of your wife? Do you feel a power shift in favour of your wife for a short time?

For the wives , do they feel satisfied, proud, more powerful or in charge?I notice my wife is more confident and assertive for a while after the spanking she has delivered. I wouldn't say she gloats about it but she does love to tease, commenting on any marks, or asking how sore my bottom is, etc. If I do something she doesn't like, she will drop comments like ,"Would you like more of what I gave you the other night?" or "There is lots more where that came from?"She also teases me if she finds me wincing or squirming when I sit afterwards.I'd be interested if this is common , or do other hubbies wives simply spank and forget as if it never happened.

I'll kick off the discussion.  I would say my most immediate reaction after a hard spanking is, perhaps not surprisingly, relief that it is over.  I also almost immediately feel significantly more calm, with my background level of anxiety dropping, which can last for several hours or even a few days.  While I'm sure some of that comes from a release of endorphins, I think it goes deeper than that.  I've talked before about the paradoxical sense of freedom that can come with an absence of choices. While I am a natural rule breaker, there is a certain comfort in knowing there is an aspect of my life that I do not get to control -- that she can and will take over and impose consequences on me when I fail to do the things I need to do in order to avoid bad consequences.  It makes me feel more secure in a weird way, knowing that there are lines she will not let me cross or at least that she will make me very sorry that I did.  I also feel an increased sense of respect and admiration for her.  While I was not an early spanko like most of you, I have always been attracted to strong and confident women, and the more strict my wife is with me, the more attracted I am to her.

From her perspective, she has told me she definitely does feel empowered, but she says a lot of that feeling arises not from the spanking itself but from ordering one, telling me to get ready, and watching me drape myself over the ottoman or the bed or the back of the couch, at her command.  She is a very visually-oriented person, and she says there is something very powerful for her in issuing the command to get into position and then watching me comply.  She will often follow up the next day, asking whether I'm having trouble sitting comfortably.  She will sometimes express disappointment if I am not well-marked the next day, sometimes commenting, "I guess I didn't do my job very well."  Unfortunately, I think that is just a fact of life at this stage, because I do not get bruised to the same extent I did when we were first exploring DD.  A hard paddling once was guaranteed to leave me with a bruised behind that would show for several days, but that is rare these days.

Now, the one she gave me last week did, in fact, leave some prominent marks on one cheek, and I almost outed myself as a result.  In fact, I don't know for sure that it stopped at "almost." I caught a cold last weekend and was feeling pretty miserable most of the week.  The day after my spanking, I went to the gym in the morning before work, which is my usual practice.  I was pretty careful when disrobing and getting dressed to make sure my well-marked butt was not on display.  I went to the gym the next morning as well, planning to hit the steam room to try and bake the virus out of my system.  By that day, the cold had settled in my sinuses, which I swear results in my IQ dropping by 20 points.  I was feeling pretty awful and my head was just not in the game.  I disrobed and wrapped myself in a towel and headed to the steam room -- and only then realized that I had not taken any precautions at all when getting undressed and donning my towel. There had been some period in which I had dropped by pants and was standing there naked before wrapping myself in the towel.  The locker room was not packed, but there definitely were a few people walking around.  I do not know for a fact that anyone saw my bruised behind, but I also don't know that they didn't.

Have a great week.