Saturday, December 16, 2017

The Forum - Vol. 233 - After Effects

"What we have here, is a failure to communicate." -  Cool Hand Luke

Hello all.  I hope you had a good week.  I can't say I accomplished a whole lot with mine.  It seems like pretty much everyone around me is as unmotivated as I am and just sort of shuffling our way slowly to the new year.  And, there is nothing wrong with that at all.  Usually at this time of year I am either overwhelmed with work to the point that I barely notice the holiday season and certainly don't have much time to enjoy it, or I am in a panic that I don't see much on my plate for the upcoming year and I make myself nuts looking out over the horizon and praying for the next big project to come in.  This year, I seem to be in this sweet spot where my group does have something of a workload, but a lot of the real work isn't expected to come raining down on us until well after Christmas.  It's nice.  Though, the season also presents a bad combination of plenty of opportunities to misbehave but limited opportunities for her to take me in hand.  I am, in fact, feeling a little worse for the wear this morning after attending a holiday party in the neighborhood.



I also committed a major DD faux pas.  The party was thrown by a couple we hang out with who are definitely not teetotalers.  The drinks were flowing freely, and I wasn't consuming at a faster pace than anyone else or getting out of hand. But, my wife decided I should be cut off, so she told me I had had enough.  I complied for a while, but 30 minutes or so later I poured myself another glass of wine.  So, on top of drinking enough to make myself feel less than spry this morning, I disobeyed a direct command.  I haven't faced the consequences of that yet, but they may prove to be significant.
We didn't have a deluge of comments on last week's topic, but I thought that some of what we did get led to some high quality discussions.  Which is always the goal.  I really liked this from ZM:

It is perhaps strange to think of DD punishments as being a communications tool, but at least for us that is exactly what they are. When she chooses to communicate to me in this unique way (which connects in the most power way with my deep-seated fantasies) it really gets through to me. And as the "conversation" rolls around in my head in the following days, since I simply can't stop thinking about it, I have noticed that it really has a positive effect on not only my behaviors and attitude, but also it changes some of my selfish and at times just plain wrong thinking patterns.

I didn't think of it that way when I first came across the concept of Domestic Discipline.  I thought of it mainly as a tool for correcting behavior.  However, over time I've come to believe that while it can serve that purpose effectively, the extent to which it actually does so is a function of a lot of factors, including not only the severity of the punishment but also its certainty.  Unfortunately, certainty is hard to achieve, because "real life" so often gets in the way.  Nevertheless, I've also come to believe that it has major benefits even if the underlying behavior is repeated, because it empowers the wife to express her dissatisfaction in a very tangible way.  It clears the air and, for at least a time, may produce real feelings of contrition.  In other words, it has that value that ZM identifies, i.e. a means of communication.

I also liked Anna's observation that there may be a self-reinforcing cycle in these relationships, such that Domestic Discipline is the initial focus and used to correct behavior, but as the wife gets more comfortable with exercising her authority and "communicating" via her paddle or strap, the relationship trends toward an FLR, and then the disciplinary aspect may increasingly involve spanking that obstinate male need for control right out of him.  That resonated with me, as it does reflect to some extent the arc of our relationship.



This week's topic comes from Glenmore, who sent me the following:

I just read your brief but effective account of your most recent spanking and it is pretty clear what the post spanking effects are on you , at least physically , but was interested at what the emotional , behavioural and other post spanking effects are on both the husband and wife.

For the husband , how does it feel to walk around for the next few days with a sore behind and visible marks left by your wife? Do you feel ashamed, perhaps proud, relieved and are you more likely to be better behaved and be more respectful of your wife? Do you feel a power shift in favour of your wife for a short time?

For the wives , do they feel satisfied, proud, more powerful or in charge?I notice my wife is more confident and assertive for a while after the spanking she has delivered. I wouldn't say she gloats about it but she does love to tease, commenting on any marks, or asking how sore my bottom is, etc. If I do something she doesn't like, she will drop comments like ,"Would you like more of what I gave you the other night?" or "There is lots more where that came from?"She also teases me if she finds me wincing or squirming when I sit afterwards.I'd be interested if this is common , or do other hubbies wives simply spank and forget as if it never happened.

I'll kick off the discussion.  I would say my most immediate reaction after a hard spanking is, perhaps not surprisingly, relief that it is over.  I also almost immediately feel significantly more calm, with my background level of anxiety dropping, which can last for several hours or even a few days.  While I'm sure some of that comes from a release of endorphins, I think it goes deeper than that.  I've talked before about the paradoxical sense of freedom that can come with an absence of choices. While I am a natural rule breaker, there is a certain comfort in knowing there is an aspect of my life that I do not get to control -- that she can and will take over and impose consequences on me when I fail to do the things I need to do in order to avoid bad consequences.  It makes me feel more secure in a weird way, knowing that there are lines she will not let me cross or at least that she will make me very sorry that I did.  I also feel an increased sense of respect and admiration for her.  While I was not an early spanko like most of you, I have always been attracted to strong and confident women, and the more strict my wife is with me, the more attracted I am to her.

From her perspective, she has told me she definitely does feel empowered, but she says a lot of that feeling arises not from the spanking itself but from ordering one, telling me to get ready, and watching me drape myself over the ottoman or the bed or the back of the couch, at her command.  She is a very visually-oriented person, and she says there is something very powerful for her in issuing the command to get into position and then watching me comply.  She will often follow up the next day, asking whether I'm having trouble sitting comfortably.  She will sometimes express disappointment if I am not well-marked the next day, sometimes commenting, "I guess I didn't do my job very well."  Unfortunately, I think that is just a fact of life at this stage, because I do not get bruised to the same extent I did when we were first exploring DD.  A hard paddling once was guaranteed to leave me with a bruised behind that would show for several days, but that is rare these days.

Now, the one she gave me last week did, in fact, leave some prominent marks on one cheek, and I almost outed myself as a result.  In fact, I don't know for sure that it stopped at "almost." I caught a cold last weekend and was feeling pretty miserable most of the week.  The day after my spanking, I went to the gym in the morning before work, which is my usual practice.  I was pretty careful when disrobing and getting dressed to make sure my well-marked butt was not on display.  I went to the gym the next morning as well, planning to hit the steam room to try and bake the virus out of my system.  By that day, the cold had settled in my sinuses, which I swear results in my IQ dropping by 20 points.  I was feeling pretty awful and my head was just not in the game.  I disrobed and wrapped myself in a towel and headed to the steam room -- and only then realized that I had not taken any precautions at all when getting undressed and donning my towel. There had been some period in which I had dropped by pants and was standing there naked before wrapping myself in the towel.  The locker room was not packed, but there definitely were a few people walking around.  I do not know for a fact that anyone saw my bruised behind, but I also don't know that they didn't.

Have a great week.

29 comments:

  1. Dan, once again I would like to thank you for this forum. While we communicate with anonymity Bart says he gets some real feelings of embarrassment reading my postings. As we have been engaged in what we now know of as DD for many years, given our advanced years the spankings are less frequent due not only to our age but also as a testament to the fact that the punishments work as both behavior modification and deterrent. While as I said before punishments help me release stress and frustration Bart takes some time to recover and adjust. As a matter of course all punishments leave marks and and a day or two of not sitting comfortably. I have several implements and my choice of implement is based on the level of punishment I intend to inflict .While an over the knee hair brush spanking sends a mesasage , when Bart sees the strap he knows he is in for it. I must admit to a sense of satisfaction with my work as he stands nose to corner with his bruised or welted bottom on display. He has reported that while sitting on a very sore bottom with friends or family present after a spanking that he feels embarrassed. I know his limits and rarely is the same infraction committed after a taste of the strap. Although Bart is much bigger and stronger than I can reduce him to a sniveling 10 year old. In the few instances where there has been real protest and temporary resistance the subsequent spankings were events he has not wanted to repeat.

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    1. Hi Sylvia. Sorry for the delayed posting on this. For some reason it got diverted to the spam box.

      I can't say that I've felt embarrassed sitting on a sore bottom, being around others with that sore bottom definitely makes me more conscious of it. There have been a few times she has made be drive home for a spanking at lunch, then sent me back to work with a very sore bottom. I did feel a little self-conscious, sitting in my office chair with my ass so recently spanked.

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    2. My wife is also a proponent of the lunch time spanking and I agree it is more than a bit humbling to go back to work with a red backside. She loved calling me in the morning to order me home and then would call in the afternoon to enquire 'how I was'.
      She had that satisfied glow about her for a day or two after that.

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    3. Hi Glen. I keep trying to help my wife understand how empowering it is for her and how humbling it is for me when she makes those kind of calls.

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  2. Dan, As Sylvia and I share a computer we apologize for her comments coming under my handle. This forum has allowed us to share some of our experiences . In recent weeks we have had several lively discussions about her ultimate authority. We were introduced somewhat unknowing unexpecting into this ongoing power exchange . In the early years I wasn’t fully accepting of Sylvia’s assessment of my insensitive sometimes rude or brash comments. In those formative years of our DD she would calmly sternly explain my misdeeds and after my acknowledgment she would tell me to think about what I had done put on my PJs and wait . The spankings in those days were ritualized more scolding, my pjs down and the hair brush, followed by corner time. Over the years when we had kids in the house the ritual was shortened and spankings were fewer but significantly harsher . Our kids are grown and these days when I have done something she feels merits punishment there is little discussion. When she produces the hair brush or the strap very quickly my bottom will be ablaze .It doesn’t happen often but when I have verbally protested or even briefly physically resisted the result has been days of sitting gingerly . I know she feels satisfaction watching me wince upon sitting and I know she delights in asking if I want another taste of the strap. At our age the idea of being hauled over her knee for a bare bottom spanking or dragged as she said by the ear to have my mouth soaped may seem a bit absurd but believe me it happens.

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    1. Thanks, Bart. It's great hearing this blog has led to some conversations.

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  3. Since my mind is always racing from one thing to the next, in order to answer what would be going through my head a day or so after a punishment I would need to write the "Finnegan's Wake" of DD thoughts. It's certainly not one thing or even one prevailing thing.

    I will say that I do usually feel a bit more centered and calm after one and I am in a more 'behaving' mindset. But I would think that would be the goal in doing this in the first place. Why even live a DD lifestyle if that wasn't the result .......at least in the period just after a punishment?

    As for Rosa? She has told that afterwards she feels very content that she took care of an issue and also released some pent-up frustration. (Plus she unabashedly admits the power/authority aspect is a sexual turn-on for her as well.)

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    1. I admit, my mind tends to move on from it pretty quickly, because it tends to to move on from anything and everything pretty quickly.

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  4. J. clearly enjoys the "aftermaths" of the spankings she administers so often... This takes the form of inquiring how my bottom feels the following day, of verifying that the marks of whatever "tool" she used are still noticeable, - or of letting me know how her friends reacted after watching (or hearing about) the way she "performed". And she also enjoys the knowing glances we get from some of the guests after overhearing the sound of the paddlings or whippings she often delivers in our hotel rooms when we travel... I guess it adds to her sense of "empowerment" - and I, in any case, don't have a voice in the matter....
    L.

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    1. No you don't - and why should you? Whenever (and wherever) I feel you need to be spanked or whipped there's always a good reason for it!...
      J.

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    2. Interesting that seeing the marks seems to be something so many of the wives enjoy

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    3. Yes, dearest! And the way you applied the leather belt to my derrière an hour ago is enough to remind me!
      L.

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    4. Good! But remember that my sister will be arriving on Wednesday - in time for the two of us to observe the 'Twelve days of Christmas' as we have done before...
      J.

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    5. Dan: I DO enjoy watching the way L's derrière looks after I have soundly paddled or lashed it - and why not? A bruised, red bottom is proof (for him as for me) that I am in charge - and that he must obey me...
      J.

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    6. B. (my sister) arrived today and L. was treated to a (mild) "welcome spanking" - but (unless he misbehaves) we will wait until Xmas day to proceed with the "12 days" sequence, which involves

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    7. ... starting with one "tool" on the first day, two on the following day - and so on when, on the 12th and final day, B. and I end up with (each) applying twelve of those "tools" to his already well "seasoned" derrière!
      J.

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    8. I know what I can expect (and I still remember that "12 days" performance over the past three years when you came up with the idea). Somehow, however, I have become used to it, and I guess I will grin and bear it, since you and B seem to enjoy it... and so do I -to a degree! I know my backside will be really sore by the time B. flies home, and I hope you will be lenient the next time you feel I need another spanking!...
      L.

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    9. The "12 days" observance started on Xmas day with a sound hand spanking from the two of us - followed last night with a (double) session with the martinet (and, of course, with a 'recap' of the Day 1 spanking). Tonight (soon!) L. will get 12x2 whacks with the thick paddle, to be followed, of course with a repeat of the two previous sessions!
      J.

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    10. Last night, J & B added two maple switches to the list (12x from each), and tonight, it seems the leather strap will be the opening act ... to be followed, of course, by the usual recap of all previous "installments" !
      L.

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  5. Hi Dan,
    Great topic as always!

    Thanks for the kind words about my communication comment. While I have been generally obsessed with domestic discipline since I was a teenager, only in the past couple years have I actually experienced it. I am now learning so much about myself, my motivations, and how DD actually works in real life.

    As for how I feel in the days following a spanking, I guess I feel a lot of things (in addition to feeling sore, of course...). First off, I feel very calm. This might be the only time that I truly feel calm and peaceful, since I am not one to relax normally. Depending on the reason for the spanking, I may feel somewhat embarrased, especially when I am around people. Even though they have no idea that I have a punished bottom, I am aware of it, and it makes me feel somewhat shy. I think that it probably makes me more attentive to my wife, but I haven't really thought about it before. I am generally at least somewhat fascinated by the marks, and check them regularly to see if they are going away.

    My wife doesn't do much teasing about things, but I think that it would probably be good if she did more teasing and verbal things, both leading up to and after. What she does do, on a regular basis, is ask how my bottom is, but she always does so at times that we haven't done anything for a very long time and it is always referencing play times. However, as soon as she says something like this, I feel very meek, so I am guessing she could get some pretty good results just by talking/joking about what is going to happen or already has happened.

    As far as how she feels after delivering a punishment spanking, for example empowered, I have never actually asked, but I will do so. We have talked extensively about the experiences, but I have never asked if she feels empowered, proud, or anything like that. I am guessing that if she does feel empowered, it is more from the power of being able to order a spanking, rather than the actual act of administering a punishment. Regarding marks, I do know that in the beginning, she felt squeemish when she left any marks, and now she seems disappointed when the marks are gone too quickly, so given time, I may really be in trouble!!

    -ZM

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    1. Thanks, ZM. Oddly, if my wife ever felt any squeamishness, she never expressed it. While taking on the full HoH role in an FLR has been a stretch for her, she took to the spanking aspects of DD like the proverbial duck to water.

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    2. Well mine took to I like a duck to water as well, but in the beginning she struggled at seeing bruises. I don't think it is spanking specific, but rather a general aversion to seeing anything that looks painful. Her "solution" was if it started to get to the point that she couldn't handle seeing it, she would pull up my underwear and continue on top of them.

      Now, she seems less bothered by marks, and genuinely disappointed when the marks go away too quickly, so I think it was largely tied to the fear of hurting me.

      Recently, she made me wear control-top tights during a punishment to add humiliation. We were very surprised to find that the caning left me sore for days, but with no visible bruising. I am not sure it was the tights, but I assume so. Anyway, I kind of expect them to make a return appearance.

      -ZM

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  6. Great topic, we are just starting to explore this lifestyle. I would add that the aftermath has a positive impact on us both, she feels empowered - demonstrated by comments such as, have we learned a lesson and I feel more emotionally attached to her and eager to correct whatever lead to the punishment.

    J

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  7. Dan
    Saturday morning, I awoke with nastier than usual bruises. I had behaved poorly twice last week. Friday nights punishment went off as usual and Anna suggested we slip into our sweats and pop in next door to friends who were leaving for a xmas holiday. As I dressed Anna turned smiled and said wear your jeans and go commando. We were at our friends for only an hour but i was very sore when I got home.
    Before turning in Anna ordered me to strip and she felt I needed an additional reminder since I have many Xmas work things this week. Long story short was very bruised; Before going to play tennis with a buddy I thought a steam might be great. At the club I thought I had donned the towel quickly but not quickly enough.
    One of the members said as he headed out the door. "That must have been some nasty spill you took, those bruises look painful. ' I blushed said merry christmas and for a moment I almost said "No Anna gave them to me."
    It was only then a woke up and realized it was a dream. I confess there was a part of me that I was disappointed it was only my dream. Merry Christmas !
    Anna & I love this blog.
    peter

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    1. Hi Peter. That's great! It's interesting given how long we have been doing this and what a big focus it is in my life, but I have had only two or three spanking-oriented dreams ever.

      I hope you and Anna both have a very Merry Christmas.

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  8. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  9. There's a book called "The Pragmatics of Human Communication" I read it so long ago that I can't even estimate when that was. The most central idea in it was "you cannot not communicate". So there is no such thing as not communicating. (But I'm not recommending people read it. It's an intensely dense, scholarly treatise. ) So, silence,absence,body language, clothing - every clothing choice says something - you can't avoid it; even if you are naked.

    Okay. Three's my boring share for the New Year.

    Called "one of the best books ever about human communication," and a perennial bestseller, Pragmatics of Human Communication has formed the foundation of much contemporary research into interpersonal......"

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