Who Gets More Out of DD Spanking Relationships -- The Disciplined Husband or the Disciplinary Wife? (Club Meeting - 555)

“In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.” — Abraham Maslow

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Wives Club - Tribute.  Our weekly on-line gathering of women and men who are int, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship of the type advocated in the now defunct Disciplinary Wives Club (archived copy in the Links I Like list below right).

 

I hope you had a good week.  Mine?  Well, for the first time in over a month, I feel like maybe I’m starting to turn a corner.  There’s still a fair amount of pain, and the brace I have to wear is really annoying, especially when trying to sleep. But, I feel like my attitude is getting a little better. 

 

I used to have this belief that if we could get rid of all the distractions and find ourselves in a quiet room with nothing to do, all sorts of creativity or deep thinking would emerge.  Well, it turns out, for me at least, the opposite is true.  As the weeks went by, I found myself devolving into a pattern of re-watching streaming series I’ve already seen, wasting time arguing on Reddit about those same streaming series, listening to political podcasts, and starting books only to give up after 50 pages.  And, I kept trying to do all this at the same time. 

 

This week, I cut way back on bingeing for the sake of bingeing.  I turned off most of the podcasts.  And, I made myself push through a book that had been dragging.  By the end of the week, I’d polished off three pretty challenging books of real literature, and I’d started a new series I really like.  As a result, I just feel better.

 

I also started feeling the first stirrings in over a month of something like an interest in DD.  I’ve had substantial periods where I lost interest after other surgeries, but this one has been the worst.  I’ve had zero interest in sex and/or DD, and no prospect of engaging in either anyway.  That latter part is still mostly true, but at least the interest seems to be coming back in small ways.

 

It’s funny how quickly that can happen.  In my case, I woke up this morning thinking it was unlikely that I’d post today.  Then, a DD-related audio file popped up in my Tumblr feed. (Yes, it’s true, I didn’t completely shut down my proclivity for wasting time on the internet.)  It’s from a couple of years ago, and it’s a wife leaving a message for her husband after he’s hinted he wants to bring spanking “like his mother used to give him” into their relationship.   

 

 

She then talks to his mother, and it turns out he didn’t get spanked very often or very hard.  But, real spankings were prevalent in the wife’s family, so she decides to grant his wish, but on her terms.  In talking about why she’s more than willing to do so, she states:

 

“In fact, I can’t imagine why any woman wouldn’t want the authority to discipline her husband.”

 

I was listening to this after Red Often had listed some of the benefits of getting spanked, including:

 

1.    Getting spanked relieves stress.

2.    Getting spanked is calming.

3.    Getting spanked generates endorphins and puts you in a euphoric state.

4.    Getting spanked generates adrenaline and gives an adrenaline rush, especially if you are anticipating getting a very harsh one.

5.    Getting spanked lifts moods. Russian psychiatrists have found success in treating depression with bare butt whippings.

6.    The marks left from getting spanked is like an art of its own.

7.    For some, it can restore feelings of youth.

 

I invite all of you to comment on any other benefits you get out of being spanked, though I’m going to take the post in a different direction.  (For me, since my motivations are much more about discipline than spanking per se, the only ones on the list that really resonate for me are #4, and #7 to the extent the “feelings of youth” refers to sometimes feeling like a teenager subjected to parental discipline.)

 

Red’s list was all about the benefits of getting spanked, but the audio recording had me thinking about the benefits of being the spanking wife. Throughout the “message” to her husband, she’s plainly reveling in her forthcoming role and the control it is going to give her, as well as enjoying the prospect of giving his husband the kind of spanking he thinks he wants but will likely come to regret.

 

The juxtaposition of Red’s list and this Tumblr audio file (link in a comment below) suggested this topic:  Who gets more out of Domestic Discipline – the husband receiving it or the wife giving it?

 

Given that our group is mostly men, it’s unsurprising that we tend to talk about this thing we do from the perspective of why we wanted it and what we get out of it. 

 

I’m as guilty of that as anyone.  In fact, although when I originally brought the idea of DD to Anne I pitched it as being about bringing balance to the relationship by empowering her, for the first several years, I'm sure I tended to think more about whether it was “working” in terms of how well it was meeting my needs. I also don't think I was capable at that point of really appreciating that I would grow the most in situations in which she imposed something that I really did not like or agree with at the time (beyond being spanked hard, of course).

 

And, I do think for many years, Anne was mostly accommodating those needs.  I don’t think there was ever time she had any sort of aversion to DD, but the whole dynamic probably was more about me than about her.

 

That started changing around the time she retired. She’s said that she underestimated how much the fear of our lifestyle being “outed”—regardless of how unlikely it might have been—held her back.  After retirement, she was relieved of caring about what others thought.

 

With that, I started seeing signs that she was getting into DD more and more for what it did for her, independent and separate from whatever impact (no pun intended) it had on me.  She mentioned spanking more. She threatened it more, and she it was clear that she enjoyed both threatening a spanking and letting me know when I was in for one.

 

 

She started asserting herself more in terms of telling me what she expected, and what the consequences would be for not meeting those expectations. 

 

She's also gotten more open about being into the "maternal" dynamic that drives so much of my own DD interest.

 

Today, with the benefit of 20+ years of hindsight, I genuinely believe that something that we put in place to change my attitude and behavior has had deeper, more profound impacts on her.   

 

She gained confidence. She gained control. She gained assertiveness. And, although it took awhile she gained the ability to acknowledge that she likes being in power. And, while she used to say that she enjoyed watching me prepare to be spanked, I'm pretty sure she now thoroughly enjoys doling out the spanking itself.

 

Honestly, I think that if we had to give it up for any reason (most likely something health or aging related), she would lose more from that than I would.  If you asked her, I think she'd say that, like the wife in that audio file, she "can’t imagine why any woman wouldn’t want the authority to discipline her husband.”

 

Here are a few comments from over the years regarding benefits our wives believed they received from becoming our Disciplinarians:

 

“I do think I slipped into my disciplinarian role quite easily, but I assumed that was because spanking was so prevalent in my family that it was not considered a big deal. So, it is interesting to hear that other women without my background also have been able to adopt the role easily.

 

Maybe it is not that hard to act parental towards men who act childish!

 

Because our DD is limited to one large issue (arrogance), and we address it within limits (regularly scheduled sessions), I have not found much difficulty accepting my role. I think rationalizing is more for the spanked husband than the spanking wife, but I have had a few realizations:

 

First, it is extremely comforting to know there is something I can actually do about Art's arrogance. I used to feel helpless, to the point that our marriage was in danger, and I had to leave temporarily. But he does respond to the paddle! And even to threats, knowing looks, and other warnings. To know I can actually STOP his arrogance when I need to has changed everything between us.

 

Similarly, I don't just feel comforted by my new authority. I like it. I like knowing I have this power over him. Neither of us wants an FLR, but there is an ‘FLR-ness’ to our relationship that is new. He is more service oriented. He helps more around the house. He is more polite. He is more attentive to my needs, both in and out of the bedroom. He is more deferential. I wasn't sure I would like deferential, but I do. It is a realization that he can be a bit submissive - there, I said it - without losing his manliness.

 

Art was very concerned that I would think less of him and start treating him like a child all the time. But the opposite is true. I think more of him that he wants to reduce his arrogance, brings me the paddle, and willingly takes his medicine like a real man should, accepting the consequences for his actions.” – Liz

 

***

 

“Deterring his childish and unacceptable behavior is my reason for spanking him. It was my original reason, encouraged by my mother (appropriately), and I had reason to believe it was something he wanted too, but he was unable to admit he needed boundaries (now he readily admits it).

 

But my desire to punish him is also part of it and was probably there from the beginning. I am getting stricter with him, which means his appointments with Ms. Strap happen once or twice a month. Controlling his behavior is still what motivates me, but pay-back with a sound spanking is part of what I get out of it too. I guess what I am saying is—and I’m a little shocked at saying it—even if I got no behavior rewards from spanking him, I still would do it for punishment.

 

Maybe I am turning into a bitch, but men just do better with boundaries and consequences.” – Holly

 

***

 

“I love the way spanking our husbands frees us from the need to nag. Nagging is a symptom of powerlessness. For me, the most empowering words in my vocabulary are, "Don't make me tell you again." I say those words quietly and calmly, and Wayne gets the message that I am not going to nag. He knows that beyond that point a hairbrush, paddle, or strap will do the talking.” – Danielle

 

How about you?  Who has gotten more out of the DD aspects of your relationship, the disciplined husband or the disciplinary wife?  What are those respective benefits?  When you look back over the time you’ve been practicing DD, did you ever get more than you bargained for? Did she get more than maybe she thought she would in the beginning?

 

Have a great week.